View Full Version : Would you get married after the first date?
salsarhythms
11-04-2003, 10:23 PM
Not that I have anything against, or don't believe in, love at first sight...
But I'm sure you'd agree that asking for, or saying "Yes" to marriage
after the first date is a bit much...
What the heck does this have to do with salsa dancing?
Before getting into that, let me say this.
Everything in life has a natural cycle, a way of moving forward at its
own pace...everything.
As a man, I would not ask for a woman's hand in marriage after just
one date...instead, I'd just go to whatever the next step would be...
...Another date
If I see a woman I'd like to get to know, I don't immediately get into all
the details of my life...
...I'd strike up some conversation, and if things are going well, get the
phone number, or email, or whatever...
The point here is taking it step by step.
This also applies to the natural cycle of salsa dancing.
When you are first dancing with someone new, take it step by step.
Don't be too fancy at first because at this point, your partner is most
likely not ready to commit to those fancier moves...
...especially if it means dips, spins, and the like.
You don't know your new partner yet, you don't know what they
like and don't like so the dance will be a bit tense...
It's kind of like asking for a commitment after a short while of getting
to know someone...it will make things awkward.
After you get to know your dance partner from a dancing point of
view, you'll know what he/she likes and at this point you're ready
to start trying out new things.
But this can only occur natuarally, it cannot be forced.
If you try to force it, it will not only be bad for you and your partner,
but it will look really bad as well because the vibe you give off is
not a pleasant one.
I've seen guys really trying to do some fancy moves with girls that
they just met and started dancing with, and let me tell you...
...It really didn't look like she was having a good time
This happened time and time again. I never saw a girl who was
comfortable in being "commited" to things and moves she was just
not ready for.
Now, you ladies have your responsibilities too...
If your guy is not ready to commit to certain moves and steps, don't
go pushing the issue...let the dance flow naturally.
Now, I'm not saying to wait a long time to move onto more complicated
moves, I'm just saying that let things happen natuarally...even if it means
that the actual time it takes is a short one.
I've danced with girls that within minutes we were able to commit to each
other and really go off...
...I've also danced with girls that took a bit longer.
It was still nice because it was like a new relationship that was building...
And just like in personal relationships, some of your dance relationships
might end...on a good note, or a bad one...which depends on you.
On the flip side, some of your dance relationships will last a lifetime...
So, if you wouldn't ask someone to commit to you after the first date,
don't force someone to commit on your first dance.
You'll find that this not only shows how much respect you have for
the dance and your partner, but it will also give you a reputation of
someone who is there to make sure everyone enjoys their time...
SDsalsaguy
11-05-2003, 04:19 AM
Fantastic post Fernando... as always! :D
borikensalsero
11-05-2003, 08:25 AM
Sweet post!!!
peachexploration
11-05-2003, 09:46 AM
Terrific post!! Great analogy and thought provoking! Thanks Fernando!
Vince A
11-05-2003, 10:18 AM
Nice . . . very nice . . .
SwinginBoo
11-05-2003, 01:37 PM
Great post...and by the way my parents did get engaged on their second date and they're still together. :D (not that I think this is a common occurence)
salsarhythms
11-05-2003, 01:44 PM
Hey SwingingBoo...
That's pretty awesome about your parents...but that too
goes with what I was saying...
Basically there is a natural way of everything developing.
In your parents case, the actual time it took for their
relationship to develop into a commitment of marriage
was quite short by "normal standards", however, to them
it was a very natural thing...I mean they did get married, and
they're still together...so obviously, they did let things go
naturally...
The problem is when the issue is forced...that's when it's bad.
In life, relationships, and even dancing...just don't force it,
let it come naturally...even if it means that it happens quickly
or never happens at all...
dancergal
11-05-2003, 02:05 PM
Hey if the guy produces a big enough rock on the second date, I'd say "yes." (Just kidding!!) :D
SDsalsaguy
11-05-2003, 02:50 PM
Hey if the guy produces a big enough rock on the second date, I'd say "yes." (Just kidding!!) :D
Is that where I went wrong with pygmailon? :shock: No rock? :lol:
Taita
11-05-2003, 02:52 PM
Is that where I went wrong with pygmailon? :shock: No rock? :lol:
No, you just forgot to hit her over the head with it! :lol:
dancergal
11-05-2003, 03:28 PM
Hey if the guy produces a big enough rock on the second date, I'd say "yes." (Just kidding!!) :D
Is that where I went wrong with pygmailon? :shock: No rock? :lol:
Sometimes the "bling-bling" (as Jay Leno says) makes the difference! 8)
pygmalion
11-05-2003, 04:48 PM
Sorry to disappoint you,dancergal, but I'm a hopeless romantic, and I do believe in love at first sight. But no marriage without at least one date! That's what went wrong with SD. Not the absense of bling-bling. No bling-bling required. But I have to have at least one date. :lol:
And, since we're actually supposed to be talking about salsa, and maybe other forms of dance, I have to agree with salsarhythms. There are some moves I feel comfortable doing with friends, but I wouldn't even attempt with a stranger. How do I know the stranger's not going to drop me? Or feel me up? Or SHOW me up? Or criticize me? It takes time to develop trust.
salsachinita
11-05-2003, 10:46 PM
I agree. Nothing worse than being pushed/thrown into some acrobatic moves you are not prepared for!
I used to run away from these guys as soon as the dance ended (& stayed away) :shock: But now I tried to make conversations with them and found that most of them arn't AWARE that they are doing it....they are just 'pattern dancers'!
To you, Fernando. Thanks for the fantastic analogy....! :bouncy:
We need to make sure EVERYONE gets to read it!
Danish Guy
11-07-2003, 04:46 AM
Think I will fall in with an appreciating comment here too.
Great stuff again and with a fine analogy.
Another of the articles that let you think things over, evaluating yourself.
:notworth: :notworth: :notworth:
youngsta
11-08-2003, 02:06 PM
Finally had the time to read this. Great post Fernando!! So, SO very true :D
Pacion
06-27-2004, 03:40 PM
It is also forming that trust/chemistry in order for him to take liberties with my arms :lol: With some people I am dancing with for the first time, I can feel that trust/chemistry is there from the second beat, with others it takes a bit longer.
mhgroove
06-27-2004, 03:50 PM
Not that I have anything against, or don't believe in, love at first sight...
But I'm sure you'd agree that asking for, or saying "Yes" to marriage
after the first date is a bit much...
What the heck does this have to do with salsa dancing?
Before getting into that, let me say this.
Everything in life has a natural cycle, a way of moving forward at its
own pace...everything.
As a man, I would not ask for a woman's hand in marriage after just
one date...instead, I'd just go to whatever the next step would be...
...Another date
If I see a woman I'd like to get to know, I don't immediately get into all
the details of my life...
...I'd strike up some conversation, and if things are going well, get the
phone number, or email, or whatever...
The point here is taking it step by step.
This also applies to the natural cycle of salsa dancing.
When you are first dancing with someone new, take it step by step.
Don't be too fancy at first because at this point, your partner is most
likely not ready to commit to those fancier moves...
...especially if it means dips, spins, and the like.
You don't know your new partner yet, you don't know what they
like and don't like so the dance will be a bit tense...
It's kind of like asking for a commitment after a short while of getting
to know someone...it will make things awkward.
After you get to know your dance partner from a dancing point of
view, you'll know what he/she likes and at this point you're ready
to start trying out new things.
But this can only occur natuarally, it cannot be forced.
If you try to force it, it will not only be bad for you and your partner,
but it will look really bad as well because the vibe you give off is
not a pleasant one.
I've seen guys really trying to do some fancy moves with girls that
they just met and started dancing with, and let me tell you...
...It really didn't look like she was having a good time
This happened time and time again. I never saw a girl who was
comfortable in being "commited" to things and moves she was just
not ready for.
Now, you ladies have your responsibilities too...
If your guy is not ready to commit to certain moves and steps, don't
go pushing the issue...let the dance flow naturally.
Now, I'm not saying to wait a long time to move onto more complicated
moves, I'm just saying that let things happen natuarally...even if it means
that the actual time it takes is a short one.
I've danced with girls that within minutes we were able to commit to each
other and really go off...
...I've also danced with girls that took a bit longer.
It was still nice because it was like a new relationship that was building...
And just like in personal relationships, some of your dance relationships
might end...on a good note, or a bad one...which depends on you.
On the flip side, some of your dance relationships will last a lifetime...
So, if you wouldn't ask someone to commit to you after the first date,
don't force someone to commit on your first dance.
You'll find that this not only shows how much respect you have for
the dance and your partner, but it will also give you a reputation of
someone who is there to make sure everyone enjoys their time...
Salsarhythms,
That was well written!! I had to remind myself of that last night when I was out dancing. Most of the night, I led pretty well and the women I danced with enjoyed themselves. However, I had one dance with a woman who danced really well. When we danced..I instantly could tell she was bored. I'm pretty basic in salsa dancing. The basic, cross body lead..etc..not a lot of spins and twirls! But, I could tell she was used to be twirled around and I did add a few more spins and twirls(I must admit I haven't got the spinning & twirling down yet). But, it wasn't enough for her and my perfectionist tendencies wanted to take over. Oh, well...I will have to remember your post and realize dance relationships take time! Thx!
my parents met on their wedding day. the relationship wasn't always great, but they've been together for over 50 years. another friend will have been happily married to his wife for ten years later this summer. in 1994 he flew back to india, met four women that his family had chosen for him, decided to marry one of them. (note: he had the option to decline to marry should none of them suit his fancy). it seems to me that when you will to love someone, you can.
cocodrilo
06-28-2004, 03:17 AM
Heck no!
:evil:
squirrel
06-28-2004, 11:02 AM
love is something you feel, not something imposed on you (even if you yourself impose it!)... love fulfills our needs and makes us deliriously happy and/or truly sad... love hurts us and takes us to heaven... !
LOVE must be felt!
i have no doubt that this paradigm is probably the prevalent one for people participating in DF. i have no intention of dissuading anyone from their views other than to point out that other people can & do feel otherwise. and given the population of certain countries their view might actually turn out to be that of the majority for the planet.
Not that I have anything against, or don't believe in, love at first sight...
But I'm sure you'd agree that asking for, or saying "Yes" to marriage
after the first date is a bit much...
What the heck does this have to do with salsa dancing?
Before getting into that, let me say this.
Everything in life has a natural cycle, a way of moving forward at its
own pace...everything.
As a man, I would not ask for a woman's hand in marriage after just
one date...instead, I'd just go to whatever the next step would be...
...Another date
If I see a woman I'd like to get to know, I don't immediately get into all
the details of my life...
...I'd strike up some conversation, and if things are going well, get the
phone number, or email, or whatever...
The point here is taking it step by step.
This also applies to the natural cycle of salsa dancing.
When you are first dancing with someone new, take it step by step.
Don't be too fancy at first because at this point, your partner is most
likely not ready to commit to those fancier moves...
...especially if it means dips, spins, and the like.
You don't know your new partner yet, you don't know what they
like and don't like so the dance will be a bit tense...
It's kind of like asking for a commitment after a short while of getting
to know someone...it will make things awkward.
After you get to know your dance partner from a dancing point of
view, you'll know what he/she likes and at this point you're ready
to start trying out new things.
But this can only occur natuarally, it cannot be forced.
If you try to force it, it will not only be bad for you and your partner,
but it will look really bad as well because the vibe you give off is
not a pleasant one.
I've seen guys really trying to do some fancy moves with girls that
they just met and started dancing with, and let me tell you...
...It really didn't look like she was having a good time
This happened time and time again. I never saw a girl who was
comfortable in being "commited" to things and moves she was just
not ready for.
Now, you ladies have your responsibilities too...
If your guy is not ready to commit to certain moves and steps, don't
go pushing the issue...let the dance flow naturally.
Now, I'm not saying to wait a long time to move onto more complicated
moves, I'm just saying that let things happen natuarally...even if it means
that the actual time it takes is a short one.
I've danced with girls that within minutes we were able to commit to each
other and really go off...
...I've also danced with girls that took a bit longer.
It was still nice because it was like a new relationship that was building...
And just like in personal relationships, some of your dance relationships
might end...on a good note, or a bad one...which depends on you.
On the flip side, some of your dance relationships will last a lifetime...
So, if you wouldn't ask someone to commit to you after the first date,
don't force someone to commit on your first dance.
You'll find that this not only shows how much respect you have for
the dance and your partner, but it will also give you a reputation of
someone who is there to make sure everyone enjoys their time...
nice!! 8)
i could definitely relate to this part:
If you try to force it, it will not only be bad for you and your partner,
but it will look really bad as well because the vibe you give off is
not a pleasant one.
I've seen guys really trying to do some fancy moves with girls that
they just met and started dancing with, and let me tell you...
...It really didn't look like she was having a good time
jamaicanspice
07-07-2004, 02:38 PM
niiiiiiiiiiiiice :D I am so liking this analogy and I can so relate 8)
ThatHaitianSwede
07-08-2004, 11:27 AM
In life, relationships, and even dancing...just don't force it,
let it come naturally...even if it means that it happens quickly
or never happens at all...
Mos Definitely
borikensalsero
07-08-2004, 11:30 AM
YES!!! I'd get married, I'm just watting for Jennifer Lopez to dump Marc, give him half her wealth, then I'm in! There can't be a better way to make the poor rich and the rich richer than Marrying JLo.
peachexploration
07-08-2004, 11:36 AM
:lol: :lol: Boriken, a bit mischievous today, aren't we? :wink: :lol:
borikensalsero
07-08-2004, 11:37 AM
:lol: :lol: Boriken, a bit mischievous today, aren't we? :wink: :lol:
:tongue:
YES!!! I'd get married, I'm just watting for Jennifer Lopez to dump Marc, give him half her wealth, then I'm in! There can't be a better way to make the poor rich and the rich richer than Marrying JLo.
Isn't there a story in the news about the parents of Britney Spears begging her to make her fiancé sign a pre-nup? She supposedly worth $200 Million and under current California law he’d get ˝ plus be able to get palimony of 1 day for every 2 that they’re married.
At least that what I remember the blurb on the radio saying… the specifics could be somewhat different.
In that case, like Boriken, I’d get married immediately, too!
DiAnAoN1
07-08-2004, 03:26 PM
IMHO Britney would be stupid if she didnt make him sign a prenup
borikensalsero
07-08-2004, 03:35 PM
IMHO Britney would be stupid if she didnt make him sign a prenup
IMHO, it wouldn't make a difference, she already..... OOps, did I just almost say that...
Pacion
07-08-2004, 04:02 PM
:lol: :lol: Boriken, a bit mischievous today, aren't we? :wink: :lol:
:tongue:
Double ditto what Peach just said :lol: it must be contagious :wink:
jamaicanspice
07-08-2004, 04:48 PM
boriken!! you beat me to it!! :D
DancePoet
07-08-2004, 05:01 PM
Would I get married after the first date? Highly unlikely.
Sabor
07-11-2004, 05:31 AM
YES!!! I'd get married, I'm just watting for Jennifer Lopez to dump Marc, give him half her wealth, then I'm in! There can't be a better way to make the poor rich and the rich richer than Marrying JLo.
yeah.. well.. stand in line bro! :lol:
salsalawyer
07-11-2004, 12:21 PM
YES!!! I'd get married, I'm just watting for Jennifer Lopez to dump Marc, give him half her wealth, then I'm in! There can't be a better way to make the poor rich and the rich richer than Marrying JLo.
yeah.. well.. stand in line bro! :lol:
ain`t that the truth!! :roll:
pygmalion
07-11-2004, 12:51 PM
Um... pardon my naivete, but I thought this thread was about salsa dancing. :roll: :wink: :lol:
SDsalsaguy
07-11-2004, 01:43 PM
Shows what you know... :wink:
DancePoet
07-11-2004, 01:48 PM
You mean the title didn't say something about getting married after the first date? Oh my! Perhaps I clicked the wrong thread? ;)
YES!!! I'd get married, I'm just watting for Jennifer Lopez to dump Marc, give him half her wealth, then I'm in! There can't be a better way to make the poor rich and the rich richer than Marrying JLo.
You might be in luck, Boriken. I was flipping channels last night, and I caught a blurb on Univision (I think) where they were interviewing the mistress of Marc Anthony...
You better hurry up and give JLo a call!
:wink:
borikensalsero
07-23-2004, 02:33 PM
YES!!! I'd get married, I'm just watting for Jennifer Lopez to dump Marc, give him half her wealth, then I'm in! There can't be a better way to make the poor rich and the rich richer than Marrying JLo.
You might be in luck, Boriken. I was flipping channels last night, and I caught a blurb on Univision (I think) where they were interviewing the mistress of Marc Anthony...
You better hurry up and give JLo a call!
:wink:
Alright! I'm in business!!! Sabor, you better take a flight here very soon, salsalawyer is in Cali though, hmmm, still, Imma go to her mom's right now!
Tasek
07-23-2004, 05:03 PM
YES!!! I'd get married, I'm just watting for Jennifer Lopez to dump Marc, give him half her wealth, then I'm in! There can't be a better way to make the poor rich and the rich richer than Marrying JLo.
yeah.. well.. stand in line bro! :lol:
ain`t that the truth!! :roll:
Well, who's going to get the girl????
Seems to me that, this being a DANCE forum and all, we have just one option...
yes gentlemen...
this will require a dance-off!!!
Alright, we're going to need a decent dancefloor (in a neutral location), a dj (any dj's around??), a couple of girls for you guys to dance with (i'm sure some of our df-salseras will gladly volunteer their services), judges (for something of this magnitude at least nine), i'm volunteering to be announcer;
In the red corner, with the charming smile and ponytails, Boriken-"the soul of salsa"-salsero! In the blue corner, watch out ladies, he'll charm the pants right off you, "dancefloor flirt"-Sabor! And our third competitor, in the yellow corner, lawyer by day, salsero by night, Salsa-"can you dance in those robes, your honour"-lawyer!!!
Lets get ready to daaaaaaance!!!!!
borikensalsero
07-23-2004, 05:11 PM
:uplaugh: :lol: :uplaugh:
etchuck
07-23-2004, 07:17 PM
Damn... I could hear the paso music coming on now! :)
danceguy
07-23-2004, 09:33 PM
This sounds like another DF Fairyland tale in the making! Whoops...I never finished the last one...no worries...its in the works...one of these years...*ahem* I mean days I may procrastinate...ack I mean finish it. :roll: ;)
SG
8)
Does this mean I get to dance with all the DF ladies while you guys are busy courting JLo?
MacMoto
07-24-2004, 04:38 AM
8)
Does this mean I get to dance with all the DF ladies while you guys are busy courting JLo?
Only the ones not in those long queues of women volunteering to dance with Boriken, Sabor and Salsalawyer in the comp...
Well, I'm not one for patiently waiting -- would rather spend the time dancing. Shall we? :wink:
dancin/dj
07-24-2004, 08:52 AM
tasek :lol: lol,i'll dj , cool response.
Well, I'm not one for patiently waiting -- would rather spend the time dancing. Shall we? :wink:
Lol, of course, m'dear... :wink:
Tasek
07-24-2004, 11:55 AM
Spin a tune dancin/dj,
Macmoto and tj are going to warm up the crowd ;)
Spin a tune dancin/dj,
Macmoto and tj are going to warm up the crowd ;)
Woo hoo. With all the JLo commotion, there's probably enough room for a rueda next song!
salsachinita
07-24-2004, 10:24 PM
:idea: SD......this is yet another event we can turn into a funding source for 'the plan' :idea:
:bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy:
So who wants to do security? Who's in charge of collecting the admission? I'm off to promoting the event now....... :car:
*Watch out! SC at work in the clubs near you :wink:*
dancin/dj
07-25-2004, 06:53 PM
:idea: SD......this is yet another event we can turn into a funding source for 'the plan' :idea:
:bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy:
So who wants to do security? Who's in charge of collecting the admission? I'm off to promoting the event now....... :car:
*Watch out! SC at work in the clubs near you :wink:* salsachinita,lol :lol:
vBulletin® v3.8.1, Copyright ©2000-2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.