concerns as an overweight woman

[anewdancer]

Hi guys. I'm just about to start a salsa dance class...seemed like a fun way to get more active and socialize. However, I'm a little nervous about how well I'll fit in when it's time to hit the clubs, because I'm an overweight woman (I could stand to lose about 50 lbs). I've read comments from some guys about not wanting to dance with overweight women because it's harder to lead us, and I'm worried I'll end up standing around not having anyone to dance with...especially being a newbie!

Can anyone else out there relate?
Any advice on how to feel more comfortable in clubs as a self-conscious newbie?
thanks!

[Twilight_Elena]

Tricky subject.
First of all, welcome to DF! :D
Assuming you weighed as much as the next woman (which is not, incidentally, as little as we may think), it's still somewhat difficult and not so rewarding in the beginning to start dancing salsa in clubs. You don't specify if this class is offered by a salsa club, but even if it is and there are teachers in the club with you, it will be unlikely that they'll have the time to dance with you. So it's a matter of getting to dance with regular people in the club.
Getting to know people is what I would do in your shoes. I'd make sure I made friends with more advanced ladies (beginner ladies too) so that they give me the lowdown on who's what and how to deal with everything. Not to mention introducing me to other leads.
Beginnings are always rough, in my experience. Few men are willing to dance with beginner follows, but it gets better with time and as you get to know people better.
Now, about your weight. I've danced with skinny ladies who were hell to lead and overweight ladies who felt really light. Admittedly, being overweight doesn't help your being a light easy-to-lead follow. And some men will go by that. Don't let that put you down. :D We are humans and come in all sizes. If some men don't like that and don't want to give the non-skinny ones a chance... their bad.
Oh! Another suggestion. How about you take a friend with you? It will make you feel more secure.
Best of luck and hope other DFers will have more to say to this.

Twilight Elena

[Lockstep]

as a man, i can tell you, i personally dont judge on weight when selecting dance partners...to me the smile on your face will be all that matters to me!

by the way, dancing is of course also an awesome way to loose some pounds, if you really must! just dont loose too many, as appears to happen to some (girls especially), who you can practically see through and im nearly afraid to dance with cuz theyre so fragile!!

just enjoy it and put a smile on ur face, thats all you need!!!

[fascination]

we have an a very large gentleman who is an excellent slasa dancer at our studio...other than the fact that I worry about his well-being...I couldn not possibly care about his size nor is it the slightest impediment to how well he dances....and truly a confident smiling partner of any size is just fine IMO

[africana]

try not to think about yourself as overweight or assume that's why people aren't dancing with you. You can analyze it later, but as Lockstep said just smile, look like you're enjoying yourself, never hold back on learning. Confidence is incredibly important in how one progresses and is percieved. People love to be around confident, happy people. easier said than done, I know ;)

[musicchica86]

Now, about your weight. I've danced with skinny ladies who were hell to lead and overweight ladies who felt really light.
On that subject...

Speaking as an overweight woman myself, perhaps I can help. I really do ballroom as opposed to salsa (although had my first dance with a real club salsa dancer last night, it was fun!), but my first ballroom instructor was Puerto Rican from NY so I got a bit from him LOL. I've also done a bit of leading for beginner classes when necessary...and TE's absolutely right, the skinniest girl there can be heavy as lead in dance frame, whereas a larger woman can be incredibly light.

As for me (and don't forget, I'm no model to say the least), every lead I've ever danced with has always remarked on what an easy and light follow I am--even Alec Mazo!:D Yeah, that made me feel pretty good...but it is possible, so try not to worry about it. And like TE also said, if men won't dance with you because of your size, well, just say screw them and dance up a storm with the ones that will!

[Mr. Dance]

My .02 on this matter is..while everybody isn't your "protypical dancer" whether it be salsa, ballroom, or whatever..doesnt mean that you can't have a good time, learn, and meet new fresh people and make dancing a wonderful part of your life. If you want to dance salsa, then go for it. There's nothing that can stop you from fulfilling a desire to dance, but yourself.

Welcome to DF ! :)

[Shooshoo]

try not to think about yourself as overweight or assume that's why people aren't dancing with you.

But I'm sure that some men won't ask you to dance because being over-weight, but the same goes if you're not very pretty, if you are more of an introvert, if you're older than the average, etc. There are many reasons for not being asked to dance. But in the end, I think dancing is a very good way to loose weight. I have seen many over-weight people loose weight from dancing (especially if you're not that fond of working out). It lots of fun and you can go on for hours and not get tired.

Just keep in mind that it is frustrating in the beginning whether you are over-weight or not.

[africana]

the problem with focusing on why people aren't asking is that it puts you in a visibly bad mood, and more often than not it will show on your expression. I know from experience. try not to analyze, instead learn to do everything to compensate (i.e. become a better dancer, dress the part, etc)

[anewdancer]

I appreciate all the advice and encouragement, everyone. :)
As for the class, well, we do get a few weeks of instruction first. I'll be getting 2 lessons in the merengue, 2 lessons in the bachata, then 3 weeks of salsa. Hopefully that will be a good basis before going to a club...but I'm assuming that I'll still be a little insecure when it comes time to try dancing in a club instead of class. Well, hopefully I can get some of the people in the class to agree to come to a club with me. :)
Thanks a lot for being so friendly to me.

[HF]

Hi,

the beginning is hard for everybody, and it will maybe need two, three or more months to enter the salsa scene.

"Overweighted" women can have two advantages: They often seem to have better rhythm (don't ask me why) and spin easier. (Disclaimer: This may be a slight tendency, no general rule that fits all).

There is one topic to be very careful - no offense intended: I have found that persons with overweight may have a harder time to avoid body smell while dancing. There are anatomical reasons for it ... especially when there is a lot of breast the air eventually can not flow in the underarm region as easy as it may be the case with thinner ladies especially when wearing shoulderless shirts where the sweat can dry almost instantly. Also overweighted people will tend to hold the arms low. So this is a topic that should be taken extra care of. Please don't bash me for mentioning this, it is meant for good.

[borikensalsero]

Did I say that I love dancing with overweight women! Maybe it is just me, but overweight have a sway and flavor to their dancing that not many skinny women posses!

and... Out of the top 5 lightest follows with which I've ever danced, the top 2 have been overweight. And that includes the best of the best in NY City.

[DancinGirl]

Welcome to DF! I'm a newbie too...to both dancing and DF. And I'm not the thinnest, as my partner, Mr. Dance, will attest to. Or maybe not...he's such a gentleman :) Haven't ever done salsa either so kudos to you for trying something so hot and passionate right off the bat!

To my experience - the dances I've been to so far have been orchestrated by our instructor. She has "graduation" dances for her classes at a local club where she offers a discount on the admission. Granted these are a combination dance - ballroom, swing and latin - but usually the single guys who are in the class love having a lot of different women to dance with. And they don't shy away from us new people either. The guys that fill in as partners in class are experienced dancers who usually have taken private lessons. Maybe our instructor encourages them to ask everyone to dance...but I've found they really try to get around the room and don't seem to care what size a woman is...a lot of it is personality. I've even asked them how it feels to have so many ladies to choose from. They absolutely love it so definitely get your classmates to come along! If people in class are coupled up, make friends with some of them, especially the female side. If you're comfortable with the lady in the pair, it may be more natural and easier to ask the man to dance...and hey, I believe its been said before on this site that its OK for a lady to ask a man to dance. Go for it, have fun, and love dancing!

[africana]

wepa! what they have in common with any other great dancers is that regardless of weight they are confident and don't care what anyone thinks of their body, shake it baby!! in fact the imambo clips from flava invasion, guess who was the most fun dancer to watch in the competition?? and they won too!
it's all about the confidence and happiness folks, dance dnace dance like you got life in you and everybody will want a piece of you ;0

[cornutt]

I appreciate all the advice and encouragement, everyone. :)
As for the class, well, we do get a few weeks of instruction first. I'll be getting 2 lessons in the merengue, 2 lessons in the bachata, then 3 weeks of salsa. Hopefully that will be a good basis before going to a club...but I'm assuming that I'll still be a little insecure when it comes time to try dancing in a club instead of class. Well, hopefully I can get some of the people in the class to agree to come to a club with me. :)


Welcome to DF! Getting a group from the classes to go together is a good thought. That way, you can kind of get broken in to the scene together. You may find that the club dancers dance a bit different than what you taught, depending on where you go. But don't let that get to you. Get out on the floor, make yourself noticable as a willing and fun dancer, and then leads will start looking for you.

And africana's right... you go dancing a few nights a week, and you'll be surprised how fast that weight starts to come off. We have a lady who started at our studio right before Christmas. I don't know the whole story, but apparently she's recently widowed, and when she first came in she was a bit pudgy. Four months of dancing later, and she's lookin' good. :raisebro:

(BTW: Beware of the flirts on DF. Some of them are shameless. ;) )

[musicchica86]

*cough* And some of them are a bit shy about introducing themselves. ;)

[wooh]

"Overweighted" women can have two advantages: They often seem to have better rhythm (don't ask me why) and spin easier. (Disclaimer: This may be a slight tendency, no general rule that fits all).
It's called overcompensating. Guys aren't going to ask you to dance just because you're a cute little pretty thing, so you HAVE to dance well if you're going to dance at all.

[SPratt74]

I appreciate all the advice and encouragement, everyone. :)
As for the class, well, we do get a few weeks of instruction first. I'll be getting 2 lessons in the merengue, 2 lessons in the bachata, then 3 weeks of salsa. Hopefully that will be a good basis before going to a club...but I'm assuming that I'll still be a little insecure when it comes time to try dancing in a club instead of class. Well, hopefully I can get some of the people in the class to agree to come to a club with me. :)
Thanks a lot for being so friendly to me.

By the way, John O'Hurley from DWTS lost 20 pounds when he danced on the show! Good luck with your dancing! ;)

[Shooshoo]

By the way, John O'Hurley from DWTS lost 20 pounds when he danced on the show! Good luck with your dancing! ;)

And what a fun way to do it. I've been trying to persuade some of my overweight friends to take up dancing, but they have your fears. But I'm sure once they get the hang of it, they'll be totally addicted.

[africana]

And africana's right... you go dancing a few nights a week, and you'll be surprised how fast that weight starts to come off. We have a lady who started at our studio right before Christmas. I don't know the whole story, but apparently she's recently widowed, and when she first came in she was a bit pudgy. Four months of dancing later, and she's lookin' good. :raisebro: oh i think that was shooshoo's idea about loosing weight from dancing not mine. My opinion? It doesn't matter, as long as she enjoys dancing :cool:
But I can relate because as a beginner being very tall, with an athletic build and a "salsa minority", surrounded by petite latinas, the only way to breach the circle of top dancers was to learn well and fast, and luckily I had natural talent on my side ;)

[cornutt]

*cough* And some of them are a bit shy about introducing themselves. ;)

I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. :D

[Medira]

*hops out of lurk mode for a minute*

Welcome to DF anewdancer!

I started learning ballroom and salsa in the middle of February of last year. It was the end of June before I was brave enough to try my first salsa club. Actually, to be honest, it wasn't bravery...it was a dear friend of mine finally getting frustrated with me constantly making excuses for not trying it (Ooooh boy, I was terrified) and dragging me there. I swear, it was the best thing he could have done. We went with a group of friends, so it made it easier to get out and dancing, and I left the club that night hooked. Since that February, I've lost 115lbs. and I've never been happier. I go out salsa dancing as often as I can...usually two to five times a week and it's a major part of the reason why I've lost as much weight as I have. I hadn't even touched a gym during that time until the middle of January this year.

So, my best advice is to give it a try. Don't worry about weight or appearance or anything other than your enjoyment of the music, the atmosphere, the dance and the company you're with. Don't worry about following perfectly...I know for a fact I've never danced a technically perfect dance, but I have had those perfect moments. The ones where you just click with your partner and everything falls into place just as it should be. It's those moments that keep me coming back for more.

Best of luck and be sure to let us know how it goes! :D

*dives back into lurk mode*

[Shooshoo]

Way to go Medira http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/aktion/action-smiley-033.gif!

[Sonrisa_Salsera]

Dear Anewdancer...

I was in your *exact* situation last September! I am an overweight salsera! I joined a great school and started my classes as a beginner like everyone else and the way this school works it that every so often during a class you HAVE to change partners. This means you do not stay there alone left out.

The school also has practice nights and I started going ... not dancing much in the beginning, only with the teacher and some of the guys helping (for lack of men in the class). And now, a few months later, I leave the practice night with acking feet for dancing!!

And I was told by my prefered partner that what makes a great dancer is not the looks, it is the passion and the smile!! Appenrently I smile from one ear to the other while dancing! Guess I am very happy when dancing!!

Good luck and get on the floor and dance!

[sheshe2001]

I, too, am an overweight salsera and could stand to lose a good 50 pounds (lol). In the beginning my self-esteem took a beating but not necessarily because of what other people thought of me. It was more because of how I felt about myself and just automatically ASSumed other people saw me as overweight and unattractive as well. The upside, though, is that salsa is my passion and I've stuck with it now for almost a year. I really believe dancing is the outward manifestation of an inward journey. The more I get comfortable with myself and love myself, the better I get. I have a long ways to go but the desire is still strong. It hasn't waned a bit. I've forged some very dear friendships with others in my salsa circle and even recently joined a salsa meetup group online (salsa.meetup.com/162). It's fabulous because when we go to a club we have our own built-in "entourage" so there's never any of that nervous wondering about who you're going to dance with. Have fun!!! At all costs, love the dance and love yourself, relax and let it all hang out.

Peace and Wepa,
The SalsaPixie

[pygmalion]

dancing is the outward manifestation of an inward journey.

Wow! That is really profound. :notworth: I agree. :)

[Twilight_Elena]

I really believe dancing is the outward manifestation of an inward journey.

I agree. PROFOUND. Really great. This quote goes to my dance quotes collections right away. :D

T_E

[sweavo]

Hi guys. I'm just about to start a salsa dance class...seemed like a fun way to get more active and socialize. However, I'm a little nervous about how well I'll fit in when it's time to hit the clubs, because I'm an overweight woman...


You'll meet people in the class. Classes tend to rotate partners (over here anyway) and you get to dance with a range of people. This phase is great cos you'll get good feelings off some partners and be able to chalk them up for getting a dance with later.

There are so many dimensions to a social night out besides the superficial "you must be cute and a great dancer". I'm sure you'll hook up with a small group of like-minded new dancers and have a great time, whether dancing or just hanging out!

[genEus]

I just wanted to say that one of my most preferred partners is a girl who is greatly overweight. However, she is very responsive and light on her feet. I can't do some things that I can with other followers (like wraps and such) and I also have to give her a little extra time to complete her spins, but she is a lot of fun to dance with and I'd prefer her over a great number of girls who are of normal weight.

[aimerrouge]

I just wanted to say that one of my most preferred partners is a girl who is greatly overweight. However, she is very responsive and light on her feet. I ...have to give her a little extra time to complete her spins....

Speaking from firsthand experience, in time she will spin as fast as her normal weight counterparts. :)

[alemana]

this weekend i went to a very lively social held by a recently-hibernating but apparently reinvigorated group of fat-positive salseras here in NYC, the Mambo Mamas. check out mambomamas.com for lots of photos and tales of their dancing adventures. the founder was trained and mentored by the master himself, eddie torres. the social was a great success full of all kinds of people - many of the best dancers in the city.

i am not going to sit here and pretend that one's appearance does not matter in the social salsa scene. it's just a microcosm of society, with the same prejuidices and foibles. i stood alone against a wall at club after club until i femmed up, lost weight and got more skills and more confidence. (i still lose dances every day to women who are prettier but half the dancer i am. that will never change.) HOWEVER, there *is* a sliver of a subcurrent of big&beautiful in the salsa scene here (rice and beans isn't diet food after all) and as folks have mentioned in this thread, confidence does count for a lot.

it is not true that being overweight automatically means nobody wants to dance with you.

[genEus]

it is not true that being overweight automatically means nobody wants to dance with you.

Yep. Just like it's not true that being pretty and having an amazing body means everybody wants to dance with you. To think how salsa changes one's perspective on the world, eh? :) Somehow the appearances start to matter less and dance level more. And, to have both? Well, then you're a goddess :)