Advice needed

[tasche]

What do you do on a public forum if a person seems to disagree with all your advice even if it your area of expertise :roll:

Its not that I'm getting razzled but the advice is not accurate and it seems like this person has taken it upon herself to dispute every post I make

[pygmalion]

Tough one. I've had that happen, too. One approach is to PM the person. Another is to ignore it, as best you can. A third is to respond to the disputes by explaining how you know what you know. I've used all three approaches at different times, and each seems to work pretty well. Whatever you do, don't stop posting. Stick with us. I'd try the PM approach first.

[tasche]

Its not on this forum its on the "other" dance one.

The tone of conversation is much friendlier here

[pygmalion]

I noticed. I just went back and read through all your posts, just in case I needed to talk to someone on your behalf. That's what moderators are supposed to do -- not interfere too much, but keep the tone friendly, if possible. Hmm. That's another suggestion -- does yuor other forum have moderators? Maybe you could complain. That sort of nastiness is uncalled for.

[tasche]

It not nasty at all its jsut fustrating when you study something to a high level for a hobbyist to dispute you with out qualification. More annoying than anything. In my industry my advice is well respected ( and paid for ) so i"m just a little miffed is all. BTW my expertise is not dancing unfortunately

[pygmalion]

Oh yeah, and if you decide to respond in the public forum, there are a bunch of approaches. One is the sweet but accurate approach. This is my preference, because it works with my personailty. Whatever I want to say, I soften it, and add some smilies, but never water down the truth. The dispute usually ends pretty quickly that way.

Then there's the sour and sarcastic approach, which you may prefer. Depending on the other personality, this may escalate the dispute, or may end it, if you make them look silly enough. It's your choice.

Another choice would be to make DF your regular hangout. :lol: We're nice people. :wink: :D

[pygmalion]

It not nasty at all its jsut fustrating when you study something to a high level for a hobbyist to dispute you with out qualification. More annoying than anything. In my industry my advice is well respected ( and paid for ) so i"m just a little miffed is all. BTW my expertise is not dancing unfortunately

Hmm. I must have been posting at the same time as you. You must be really annoyed. If I were you, I'd be tempted to go for the sour and sarcastic approach. Hmm. Has to be worded delicately. But there is probably a way to subtly mention your credentials or reference you website, or something, to establish your credibility (and their lack thereof). That way, even if the person doesn't wise up and quiet down, others reading will see the truth.

[tasche]

I'm thinking I dont want to bother confronting it just restate my advice and thats about it. My reason for posting on the thread was to answer someone else q and I did that so thats about it really

It just funny sometime how ppl can be.


Ok heres something else unrelated tot he above

Actually have you ever noticed that in group classes when there is a shortage of men and women team up together that other women are horrible partners due to the fact that they feel they ahve to correct you all the time.

The classes I take along with my privates theres a definate age and culture gap and I find everyone in there to be uber critical. They even count off the steps for you and attempt to correct you while your dancing with them.

Now I took ballroom as a youth competitor back in the day so this isn't all new to me and I find that I remember how to do most things but its my body that disagrees with me so for me its worse when someone points out your wrong ( even sometimes when I'm not) bc I know I've done something wrong the very second I do it.

anyone have probs with this?

[tasche]

[quote=tasche] Hmm. Has to be worded delicately. But there is probably a way to subtly mention your credentials or reference you website, or something, to establish your credibility (and their lack thereof). That way, even if the person doesn't wise up and quiet down, others reading will see the truth.

I thought about it that but I guess I'm not the type to public state that I have a degree in this and a degree in that Opps I guess I just did.

I think my main problem is that I did get upset since I'm usually very easy going and laid back. Hmm maybe I need so turkey and egg nog :wink:

[pygmalion]

Then I'd go the PM route, and use those assertive communication scripts. You know, the "when you do xxx, it makes me feel yyyy, because zzz." In this case, "When you dispute what I'm saying in a public forum, it makes me frustrated, because I do have a degree in the subject, and I do know a fair bit about it. I'd really like it if you'd tone down your responses to me, at least in the public forum. You don't have to agree with me, but at least consider that I might know something about it. I studied it for five years, and practice it for a living. I really respect you for stating your opinion, though, and I'm sure we can have some great conversations in the future. What do you think?" You know the schpiel?

[tasche]

Yeah that could work but I think I jsut need to let it be. i'll talk to my hubbie and he'll furl his brow and just ask why I even care and thats usually enough for me. Men are great for that

:lol:

[tasche]

Actually I think I know exactly what p.oed me. I ahve a degree in an area where its usually passed ooff as being one of those flakey majors even though I specialized in the more techincal aspects. Of course I have another degree in something alot more respected but to me its just a worthless piece of paper since studying THAT didnt do me any good

Tash

[pygmalion]

Yup. In life, sometimes it comes to a point where we just have to consider the source and let it go.

From my own experience, though, I never ask a man until I'm ready to let it go. As a woman, sometimes I just want to talk about it, or vent my frustration. I may not be ready to let it go as quickly as my male counterpart. Stereotypical, but true, at least in my case.

[tasche]

Well we women make very good bottles. Though I think maybe thats bc we dont experience as much conflict as men do or perhaps we dont create it.

I know my hubbie spends his day argueing with ppl so when he comes home her doesn't want to spend his valuable time mulling over it

[pygmalion]

LOL! I'd better not speculate (at least not out loud!) as to whether women create conflict or not. :lol: But I do so agree with you -- men, at least the men I know, don't want to mull over it. They want to identify the problem, pick the best solution, and just go do it. Oh yeah, and then have a nice beer. :lol: :lol:

Best of luck with the picky (and WRONG) person on the other forum. Ugh! Why are people so unnecessarily difficult? :?

[tasche]

Its fun to be contrary!

Women create conflict thats not as easily detected on the surface. Move, countermove guile and deceit

[pygmalion]

LOL! I love the way you think! :lol:

[tasche]

Hey I 'm a woman!

What more can I say :roll: Hmm this roll eyes doesn't look as coy as I would like

[pygmalion]

It still looks pretty cute. Let's hear it for feminine wiles! :wink: :lol:

[tasche]

Do our feminine wiles work on santa?

In that case Santa babys I want some shoes under the tree for me.

[pygmalion]

I'm sure hoping. I gave santa all the necessary urls. LOL! :lol:

[pygmalion]

Actually have you ever noticed that in group classes when there is a shortage of men and women team up together that other women are horrible partners due to the fact that they feel they ahve to correct you all the time.

The classes I take along with my privates theres a definate age and culture gap and I find everyone in there to be uber critical. They even count off the steps for you and attempt to correct you while your dancing with them.

I personally haven't experienced that. I think a lot of the females I dance with are so freaked out about a non-teacher female lead that complaining just doesn't enter their heads. But I have seen lots of people constantly "teaching" fellow students. What a pain!

[jon]

What do you do on a public forum if a person seems to disagree with all your advice even if it your area of expertise

Depends why I care whether or not said person agrees with me, and whether or not I enjoy being in an argument on that topic.

The minimum energy path is to ignore said person. Don't respond to baiting, don't read their postings, etc.

The maximum energy path is to argue with every post they make and break down and analyze every statement.

In between you can try to have reasoned discussion, but that presupposes both sides are amenable to reason, agree on the definition of it, and have sufficiently similar posting styles that they're not simply talking past each other.

[Sagitta]

Yup. In life, sometimes it comes to a point where we just have to consider the source and let it go.

From my own experience, though, I never ask a man until I'm ready to let it go. As a woman, sometimes I just want to talk about it, or vent my frustration. I may not be ready to let it go as quickly as my male counterpart. Stereotypical, but true, at least in my case.

Some of us men can tell when a woman just wants to vent. Where I work (7 staff - 3 men and 4 women) two of the women regularly vent to me and come to me also when they are ready to let go. I have to distinguish between those two and also make a judgement call as how to prevent unecessary escalation of workplace conflict.

BUT it's true I usually just want to find the best solution and move on -- but skip the beer. Give me some great music and let me dance away. :) If the problem is unsolved a lousy dancer of me it makes! :oops: :)

[Sarah]

Tough one. I've had that happen, too. One approach is to PM the person. Another is to ignore it, as best you can. A third is to respond to the disputes by explaining how you know what you know. I've used all three approaches at different times, and each seems to work pretty well. Whatever you do, don't stop posting. Stick with us. I'd try the PM approach first.

Just as an aside - I've learned some really cool stuff from people who have taken the third approach. It takes a lot of work (think of it as answering an open book exam question for a professional qualification) and the person who is disputing you probably won't appreciate being shown up, but as a lurker I like it.
Stating qualifications and then trying to address people from a position of authority doesn't generally work very well - on the net noone knows you're not a dog ;). Demonstrating authority on the other hand, I find hugely impressive.
If you can't be bothered with all the work, then ignoring the other person is probably the best way to go.

Cheers
Sarah

[tasche]

I took the first approach btw and a little bit of the third but with less research involved :D

[pygmalion]

Cool. Check back in and let us know how it works out. 8) :)