Dancing versus conversation

[pygmalion]

Here's a scenario to ponder. You're out at your favorite dance spot, sitting at a table and conversing with a friend. Another friend walks over and asks you to dance. What is the proper etiquette? To interrupt your conversation or to refuse the dance? Or does it depend? What do you do?

http://www.havetodance.com/articles/graces02.html

[will35]

What if you are in the middle of a dance with someone and a friend comes over, taps you on the shoulder and says, "Hey, would you like to talk?"
Very, very, very, very inconsiderate. The same goes for asking for a dance in the middle of a conversation with someone else.
After all, a dance is a conversation.

[salsachinita]

After all, a dance is a conversation.

Very true. But (depending on the guys asking) most of us girls tend to appologise to the friend and accept the dance, especially when good leads are soooo hard to come by and there are sooooo many other follows lining up to dance with the good ones :x !

This happened to me last night. I was the coversation holding friend who got dumped (very nicely) for a dance. I am sure I do this to others too! :oops:

What's a gal to do *shrug*? In a world where there's a lack of good leads, it's accept or miss out :? .

[danceguy]

Hmm, if it were me (and was asked to dance) I would do so without hesitation, excusing myself to the person I was talking to. Its tough for a beginner lead to walk up to a group of ladies you don't know that are engrossed in conversation...that takes some courage. Generally I would not do so unless there was someone I really wanted to dance with. I tend to avoid the chit-chat circles at dances and stay close to the floor, becase at least for me, I don't go out dancing all that often...and when I do, I go there to DANCE! :wink:

Of course, there are times when you're not feeling well, resting, etc, and you may want to talk rather than dance. But I agree with SalsaChinita...if that one special song comes on...or you get a chance to dance with someone who is a good dancer...why would you want to miss out on that? You can talk with your friends any time...but sometimes that one great dancer is only availble once the entire night. :)

Besides, I need all the practice I can get...since it sounds like there is a great demand for good leads, and I've got to be the best I can be! 8)

SG

[salsachinita]

I tend to avoid the chit-chat circles at dances and stay close to the floor, becase at least for me, I don't go out dancing all that often...and when I do, I go there to DANCE! :wink:

Me too! :P Even though I go out dancing ALL the time, I still go to DANCE!

:wink: Looks like you'd be in demand very soon, SG! :wink:

[SDsalsaguy]

The way I figure it, most of those who go out to dance would prioritize dancing over chatting…which, presumably, is why they came out to a dance club in the first place. As such I think requesting a dance is generally acceptable if done politely. I do, however, think that some tact can be used in gauging how intense a conversation people are engaged in before interrupting. Sure some mistakes will be made, but it can't hurt to try and assess the situation…and, as part of any such assessment, I think that relative location can be factored in as well. It is quite a different scenario, after all, if someone’s engaged in a conversation right on the edge of the floor vs. 25 feet away in a more secluded corner, no?

[pygmalion]

What I usually feel is a conflict between two ingrained etiquette habits -- not interrupting the conversation versus not declining a dance. So I usually apologize to my conversation partner, accept the dance, and then go back to finish the conersation after the dance, if my friend is still there. Or, I try to scrounge up a dance partner for my friend, too. :lol: "Bob, come on, dance with Mary," accompanied by a big smile, usually works. :lol:

[youngsta]

I use the same prioritization that SD does. When I'm out to dance I wanna dance and unless we're talking about a sensitive subject I'll politely excuse myself and hit the floor!

[will35]

Have you ever seen a person stop to take a cell phone call in the middle of a dance? Have you ever seen people just chatting away with their partner during the dance so loudly all the dancers on the floor could hear it? Dance is a conversation with the body. It really does not mix with the mouth kind. When I do one or the other, I am completely dedicated to only one for the duration of the conversation. So while I am at a table arguing about something, I can't really stop to dance until I am finished with the first conversation. If I sit with three friends, and two of those friends are in conversation, and the other looks bored, I can ask the other to dance. If someone asks me to dance, and I don't really like the music, I say, "No." These are complications of the topic, but in general, I don't interrupt anybody's conversations to ask them to dance, and I don't accept invitations if I am engrossed in a good conversation at the table. Do you remember the Lindy couple from the other thread who just wanted to be left alone? I'd never bother them if they looked like they wanted to be together. I am one of the few people who go to dances to mostly socialize and to do just a little dancing. I can dance around in my house with my partner all night if I want, and sometimes I do. I have just the right music to fit me, and I put it on over and over. THe DJ's won't do that. But when I go out to dance, I like to talk a lot. I used to go out to dance every night of the week. I couldn't possibly have danced every tanda the DJ played. So I relaxed for most of the night.

[Sagitta]

It depends. You catch someone's eye, you approach, she says "Hi", you reply, "Hi, would you like to dance?" You know the person... Probably okay to interrupt conversations. [I actually go more to dance, then talk, personally.]

I've had people come up to me saying that they like a particular dance/song and come on and dance. Recently even before I changed into my dance shoes, and also just plopping myself down on a seat to take a break. In the first situation I hurried up, and in the second I jumped up too. :)

[will35]

Yes, but if you catch someone's eye, you can be much into conversation with somebody else, anyway.

[Adeline]

I think you shouldn't abandon someone in the middle of a conversation to dance... How would the other person feel?

[SDsalsaguy]

I think you shouldn't abandon someone in the middle of a conversation to dance... How would the other person feel?
I guess it largely depends on who the other person is and how familiar they are with that given dance scene... most of the people I'd converse with in one of my local salsa haunts know that we're really there to dance and that a conversation can always be picked up later if one of us gets a dance invitation we want to accept. None of us would be offended or feel like we were "left standing" if the other was whisked off to the floor...

[foursquare]

I agree with whoever said dancing is dancing and conversation is conversation. I would be peeved if someone horned in on a dance for a chat as much as I would if someone broke into a conversation to dance.

An evening of dance has many aspects to it, including conversation, ordering a nosh, sipping on a beer, chatting with the waitress we have every Tuesday, etc. Dancing is a large part of the evening, granted, but it's not the entire evening.

Last night we went out, and, as is customary, we got something to eat, I had a smoke and put on my shoes, and drank my courage beer. While doing that, our dance teacher came over to our table to chat and tell us what's coming up in next week's lesson and invite us on a roadtrip. I would have found it inconsiderate for someone to break in to ask any one of us to dance as we were all obviously involved in the conversation.

You can talk anytime, yes. But you can also dance anytime. Part of that enjoyable evening out is dancing 3 or 4, and then coming back to the table to catch up on the day. Repeat.

Now, if you see people at a table or around the floor talking to kill some time until the next dance, but their attention is really on the dancefloor, that's a different story. But head to head conversation should be seen as being unavailable to dance.

foursquare

[Sagitta]

drank my courage beer

What's that?

[dancergal]

Ok, this can be tricky. I've been asked to dance during a conversation and excused myself. I have also been in conversation with someone and they have left the conversation to dance as well. I usually go to a dance to do just that...dance and most others would rather dance than talk too. I guess it depends on the conversation I'm having. If it's important, I'll decline the dance, otherwise I'm on that floor, baby!!!

I've had people engage in conversation with me while I'm waiting to dance or sitting out a song. Then I miss a few dances that I wanted to do, but couldn't break away from the person without seeming rude. Hey there are some people that love to talk a blue streak and I miss many chances to dance because they are long winded..... :lol: What do you do??

[salsarhythms]

Normally, if I know the person I'm going to dance with
I would excuse myself to the OTHER person.

So once I see the girl I want to dance with and she's
talking with a friend I'd probably jump in and say to
the friend:

"Excuse me...(Big ol' smile on my face... :D ) would you mind
if I borrowed her for a sec...I promise to bring her right back..."

This works for me if I know the person I want to take out on
that dance floor...

[foursquare]

Courage beer = the glass of beer required to obtain the courage to dance where other people might see me dancing.

Practicing at home requires no courage beer.

Dancing anywhere else does.

foursquare

[Sagitta]

I've had people engage in conversation with me while I'm waiting to dance or sitting out a song. Then I miss a few dances that I wanted to do, but couldn't break away from the person without seeming rude. Hey there are some people that love to talk a blue streak and I miss many chances to dance because they are long winded..... :lol: What do you do??

Let your eyes wander a bit, catch a leader's eye!! Smile. Once someone sees that you are not into the conversation you have a chance of being rescued. Then when you are asked to dance say, "I would love to, I love this song", and simply say with a smile to your conversation partner "excuse me" or to be even more polite, "May I?" How could your longwinded friend disagree, or even feel that it is rude, as we all know what it is like when a song that we love to dance to comes on. :)

When checking out whom I'm going to dance with next there often are people in conversation. If I simply limited myself to people whom I knew who were in conversation, or those not in conversation, my dance universe would be a small one indeed!!

If you have been there for a while you can figure things out. For instance, a group of three - one guy, two gals -- with one gal dancing a bit more with the guy. The one left out probably would like to dance, even if the three are in conversation. I actually asked one such person last night sitting at a table at the back of the room!!! Soon afterwards I noticed the couple on the dance floor. :) If you take the time you get to enjoy the finest of wine!!

[Adwiz]

Here's a true story. My wife and I were at a social dance party. I had just asked her to dance but she didn't feel like it so we started a conversation instead. About two sentences into it, a stranger walks up to her and asks her to dance. She says, "sure!" and gets up to go on the floor, leaving me sitting there wondering what just happened.

We've been married over 20 years and have a great relationship, so it doesn't have anything to do with our personal chemistry or dance chemistry. She just didn't want to make the guy feel rejected.

But it's great fuel for kidding her, and I haven't let her forget about it. It was pretty funny.

At the end of the day, being at a dance event is about dancing, not talking. So in my view it does come first. I would never be offended if someone interrupted my conversation for a dance request, as long as they did so politely and not rudely.

[SDsalsaguy]

I've actually encountered similar things Adwiz: some women who say they know me well enough to turn me down when they don't want to dance but will still dance with someone they don't know as well if asked. Makes me wonder if I might not be better off not getting to know as many of the local dancers! :wink: :lol:

[Sagitta]

I actually think that you're lucky Adwiz and SDsalsa!! I've asked people to dance and when I do I see from their face that they don't really want to but they say yes. Then when I dance with them I can feel that they are just going through the motions!! :( And this happens, not only when people are in conversation, but also when they aren't!! I just wish they said no thanks in the first place!!!!

I must figure out a way to politely back myself out of such situations as it's not much fun dancing with negative vibes floating around... Any suggestions?

[SDsalsaguy]

You're not alone Sagitta -- I've had that happen too. :(

[d nice]

What people need to remember is that there is no one set of rules of etiquette.

What is perfectly acceptable amongst one group of people is the height of rudeness in another.

In the lindy scene in general dancing always takes precedence, those who go to a dance event and refuse to dance with people because they are in the middle of a conversation, are generally thought to be very rude... yet it is obvious that there are many people in other scenes that would find the idea of interrupting a conversation to ask for a dance to be extremely rude.

It gets more confusing... various ethnic and socio-economic groups have differing etiquettes... and they bring those with them when they join a dance community.

So how do you navigate these differences? Never take a breach of etiquette as a personal affront to your diginity. Politely explain your view when necessary. IF afterwards they continue to to do this (whatever this is) then you are perfectly justified in being offended.

IF you want to dance with someone in the middle of a conversation approach them head on, and stand just out of the "conversation circle", and make eye contact. Wait to be acknowledged, and then excuse yourself for the interruption and ask for the dance. IF you are not acknowledged move on. If their is a lull in the conversation you can speak freely asking for the dance, but still remember to apologize for the interusion... not just to the person you are asking for the dance, but more importantly to the person you are going to leave behind.

If someone approaches you for a dance while you are in conversation, if you want to dance, look to your partner in conversation, ask them if it is all right, if they mind. If they say yes, or seem at all hesitant, beg off the dance for the next song. IF you don't want to dance, thank them politely and tell them you are in the middle of a conversation but that you'd love to dance with them a little later. Find them alter and keep your promise.

[dancergal]

Here's a true story. My wife and I were at a social dance party. I had just asked her to dance but she didn't feel like it so we started a conversation instead. About two sentences into it, a stranger walks up to her and asks her to dance. She says, "sure!" and gets up to go on the floor, leaving me sitting there wondering what just happened.

We've been married over 20 years and have a great relationship, so it doesn't have anything to do with our personal chemistry or dance chemistry. She just didn't want to make the guy feel rejected.

But it's great fuel for kidding her, and I haven't let her forget about it. It was pretty funny.

At the end of the day, being at a dance event is about dancing, not talking. So in my view it does come first. I would never be offended if someone interrupted my conversation for a dance request, as long as they did so politely and not rudely.

Ahh this just happened to me last night, and it has happened before. The music wasn't to my boyfriend's liking so we decided to sit it out. Personally, I could've danced to it, but I stayed with him instead to talk. Then someone interrupts us, and asked him to dance and he says "sure!" I'm sitting there with twittling my thumbs because everyone's already partnered up and started dancing and there was no one left to dance with. Grrr! :x

[pygmalion]

What people need to remember is that there is no one set of rules of etiquette.

What is perfectly acceptable amongst one group of people is the height of rudeness in another.


Wow, d nice. I would have used your quote in its entirety, but I'll just borrow this tid-bit.

Yours is great advice. Dance etiquette, or any etiquette, for that matter, isn't about hard and fast rules, but about being observant, sensitive and respectful of others' feelings. That comes into play here, too. There's no right or wrong answer about dancing or conversation. The answer, in my mind, is try to leave both your conversational partner and your dance partner feeling good about whatever decision you make.

[KevinL]

What people need to remember is that there is no one set of rules of etiquette.

What is perfectly acceptable amongst one group of people is the height of rudeness in another.


Wow, d nice. I would have used your whole quote in its entirety, but I'll just borrow this tid-bit.

Yours is great advice. Dance etiquette, or any etiquette, for that matter, isn't about hard and fast rules, but about being observant, sensitive and respectful of to others' feelings. That comes into play here, too. There's no right or wrong answer abuot dancing or conversation. The answer, in my mind, is try to leave both your conversational partner and your dance partner feeling good about whatever decision you make.

I'll agree with pygmalion as well, d nice, your advice is great. Everyone has their own personal view of etiquette, and the only correct answer is to behave in a way that makes everyone involved as comfortable as possible. Of course the hard part is knowing how to behave so that everyone is comfortable!

Kevin

[foursquare]

What people need to remember is that there is no one set of rules of etiquette.

What is perfectly acceptable amongst one group of people is the height of rudeness in another.


Wow, d nice. I would have used your whole quote in its entirety, but I'll just borrow this tid-bit.

Yours is great advice. Dance etiquette, or any etiquette, for that matter, isn't about hard and fast rules, but about being observant, sensitive and respectful of to others' feelings. That comes into play here, too. There's no right or wrong answer abuot dancing or conversation. The answer, in my mind, is try to leave both your conversational partner and your dance partner feeling good about whatever decision you make.

I'll agree with pygmalion as well, d nice, your advice is great. Everyone has their own personal view of etiquette, and the only correct answer is to behave in a way that makes everyone involved as comfortable as possible.

Kevin

And not to be offended if the response you get is not what you expected.

foursquare

[Adeline]

What people need to remember is that there is no one set of rules of etiquette.

What is perfectly acceptable amongst one group of people is the height of rudeness in another.


Wow, d nice. I would have used your whole quote in its entirety, but I'll just borrow this tid-bit.

Yours is great advice. Dance etiquette, or any etiquette, for that matter, isn't about hard and fast rules, but about being observant, sensitive and respectful of to others' feelings. That comes into play here, too. There's no right or wrong answer abuot dancing or conversation. The answer, in my mind, is try to leave both your conversational partner and your dance partner feeling good about whatever decision you make.

I'll agree with pygmalion as well, d nice, your advice is great. Everyone has their own personal view of etiquette, and the only correct answer is to behave in a way that makes everyone involved as comfortable as possible.

Kevin

And not to be offended if the response you get is not what you expected.

foursquare

Ok, Amen to all that!!!