Pet Peeves at Dances

[Sabor]

Well, I won't go any further than to say that there's a time and a place for sweat.

aww .. bummer

[fascination]

I won't argue that

[anp73ga31]

ew... lol

i usually have an extra shirt to change into... that night, i had one that has two layers and it didn't feel wet on the outside. i guess i was wrong. but people also have different tolerance for dancing with people who sweat... this guy is clearly very sensitive. i know i'm not generally repulsive...
but give me a break... it was nearly midnight. :rolleyes:

There's an instructor I just LOVE to dance with. He is always so self concious because he sweats really bad(we ladies keep him constantly dancing). He is always apologizing for his shirt being soaked, but I always tell him that I never even THINK about it when dancing with him. I'm concentrating on what he's leading, and my topline, and all that other good stuff. Never bothers me, his sweat...but then again, he doesnt smell so I guess that's probably why. As for other parts of the body sweating, he's got me wary now of wearing sleeveless shirts because he made a comment once about women not realizing that the man's arm has to come in contact with the woman's underarm and well, sleeveless shirts arent always that great in that regard. I know for a fact he wasnt talking about me, but I have a number of sleeveless shirts that I just wont wear to dances anymore because I wouldnt want MY arm in a sweaty underarm either. Ew. And I have a girl friend who has that medical condition, hyperhydrosis, where her feet and hands just drip sweat. It took a while to get used to dancing with her and her wet hands(we dance swing and hustle together, and now cha cha and bolero as well) but now I'm ok with it and just keep a stronger grip on her. lol! And when I am sweating to where my shirt is kind of wet, I forewarn the guy and they can pick and choose whether or not they want to dance with me.

Long story short, sweat doesnt bother me as much as other things such as men who cant hear the beat and keep on it or men who muscle you or think they are really good when you are really better than them. lol!

[chocolatchica]

It's a question I can't help but ask, it always produces interesting insights and responses.

Mine would be:

1) People with bad hygene, especially when you can tell from a distance (OY!!)

2) People who constantly criticize you, constantly correct you and try to teach you while dancing, a HUGE no-no!! This is very demeaning and belittling.

3) A woman who won't let you lead

4) Snottyand/or disinterested attitudes. The worst one is when someone projects this air of "Im doing you a favor by dancing with you!". Dancing is supposed to be FUN!!

5) At social dances, couples who have complete absolute disregard for others around them (exemplified for instance, by darting in between other couples showing off their competition moves that need a whole empty floor to pull off. That is just pure arrogance!)

6) When someone refuses a dance with you, saying they're sitting it out or just leaving, then seeing them seconds later dancing with someone else, talk about RUDE!!!!!!!! That's a person I would NEVER ask again!

7) Snobbery. It kills me how some folks look down on other types of dances and the people that love them. For instance, I've gotten incredulous looks and expressions from one or two folks because I like EC AND WC Swing. To me, it's all good!

What are yours, from the ridiculous to the sublime?
Thanks for saying it. I wish everyone could just have fun and dance. I ahve a really bad habit though (that prob annoys my partners.. sorry :-( ) I apologize a lot when I dance. I feel bad sometimes when I dance with someone that is so good and they have to throw me around and I am messing up right and left. Sorry! See I did it again. Lol. But I also noticed that I will go to some parties and there are some people that only dance with the people they know. Which is a bummer for me because I was a newbie to the party and was asked by very few people. :-( I tried to strike up conversations and be nice but no luck. Now they have a fun Mixer where the women get on one line and men in another and then they lines meet. And whoever you get you dance with. Sounds like a fun way to meet new people and dance with everyone. I mean everyones there for the same reason...to dance. So I think that was agreat idea

[Peaches]

I ahve a really bad habit though (that prob annoys my partners.. sorry :-( ) I apologize a lot when I dance. I used to be the same way--really, really badly. But between getting better, being told a thousand and one times not to apologize, having guys laugh and play to make me screw up, and a bunch of other things...now, I tend to apologize oly if my screwing up means I've made contact in a bad way. Like, if I smash knees, or step on his toes...then I'll apologize.

Granted, it also helps that I've gotten much better. (At AT.) Now I've got guys apologizing to me, and I can honestly say, "Don't worry about it. Don't apologize..I don't bite."

[little_mouse]

...there are some people that only dance with the people they know. Which is a bummer ...

I know what you mean. But maybe they are just the shy types. I've got up the courage to ask someone to dance at least once during our social parties. He's very good, I'm not. He always dances with the same person (I know it's not his wife). I think I got a smile out of him the last time we danced and he still hasn't refused me when I ask. Maybe he just takes pity on me and it's his charitable contribution for the night.:rolleyes:

[twnkltoz]

btw...that is my biggest pet peeve...guys (who dance mostly with their pro who knows what she them and therefore can follow whatever they lead) who then expect me to know-- even though their arms have no relationship to their center whatsoever--what the he-- they were leading and who then blame me for the problem...look, its a social...I'm not blaming you, don't blame me...this really honks me off b/c I always apologize for errors and never point fingers but there are alot of male dancers who fancy themselves as infallible, IME

I danced WCS with a guy once...he was a ballroom dancer, not a WCS dancer, but he'd learned a lot of "fancy" steps. At the time, I was doing quite a bit of WCS with actual WCS dancers, but I couldn't follow a thing he did. I'm sure he thought the problem was all me! I'll admit that I sometimes anticipate or miss things, but not a whole dance when I'm dancing with a good leader!

[fascination]

ya know I don't even care if they think the problem is all me...as long as they keep that observation to themselves...just like I do

[danceronice]

Guys who crush my right arm in on Smooth dances. Not only is that not how my pro does it, and not how it's supposed to look, and not remotely attractive--it actually rather hurts! Extension, people!

I nth the one about being given a 'lesson' by your partner. There is one gentleman (who is perfectly nice otherwise) I've run into a few times who does that--it was especially funny when the lady he was dancing with and trying to instruct was one of our instructors! Please, I don't mind if the teachers give pointers or make corrections while dancing at a party, I don't mind if you offer to show me a step I obviously don't know, but nitpicking all the way through---knock it off!

[Peaches]

OMG, there was one guy--who, I think, is a teacher of some sort--at the milonga I went to this past weekend. I felt soooo sorry for his partner. She was a beginner, so, keep it simple, right? Wrong. The poor woman got a 4 dance lecture on how to dance. He just won't lead basic stuff. Hell, he won't even lead straight-up AT stuff. He'll just lead all kind of really really odd things that have absolutely no place on the social floor. She should have walked away from him. I've seen so many other women go through entire sets looking lost and bewildered, and if she doesn't get it he stops and tells her. Makes me want to scream. Someone needs to tell this guy a thing or two.

He's asked me twice...I've turned him down both times.

[SlowDancer]

What I really hate are men that announce what they are going to lead before they lead it..."Now I'm going to do an underarm turn." Kinda like making love and hearing, "okay, now I'm going to nibble on your neck." Just lead the step, already!

I am SO with you on this one!

[fascination]

lol, depends...if he can't lead I am all for it....if he can lead, well, I hate the implication

[wooh]

"I'm about to lead an underarm turn"....
I wait... He does strange motions that make no sense... I keep waiting for that underarm turn he promised... :p

[chocolatchica]

I used to be the same way--really, really badly. But between getting better, being told a thousand and one times not to apologize, having guys laugh and play to make me screw up, and a bunch of other things...now, I tend to apologize oly if my screwing up means I've made contact in a bad way. Like, if I smash knees, or step on his toes...then I'll apologize.

Granted, it also helps that I've gotten much better. (At AT.) Now I've got guys apologizing to me, and I can honestly say, "Don't worry about it. Don't apologize..I don't bite."
Thanks! Its nice to know I am not the only one who has gone through this phase;)

[SlowDancer]

"I'm about to lead an underarm turn"....
I wait... He does strange motions that make no sense... I keep waiting for that underarm turn he promised... :p

:lol::lol::lol:

[liz]

for a group of people to stand and watch you practice and talk about you right in front of you... Makes me crazy.

[samina]

maybe they're saying good things? would that make a difference to you?

[Peaches]

I am SO with you on this one!Ya know, there have been several times when I've been grateful for a verbal lead, because otherwise there would have been no way of knowing. And, there have been times I wish they'd have used one.

[chocolatchica]

for a group of people to stand and watch you practice and talk about you right in front of you... Makes me crazy.
I know!

[chocolatchica]

for a group of people to stand and watch you practice and talk about you right in front of you... Makes me crazy.
But I must admit... I have been guilty of doing this when I see some awesome couples I recognize from comps. Its almost like I have to see what goes on behind the scences to get those great results I saw on the floor. It drives my bf nuts. He always says, "Stop staring!" Sorry:oops:

[fascination]

hmmm...I must admit that I have never even noticed being on either end of that situation

[samina]

i figure, dancing is by its nature visible to others... it's natural for people to both watch & comment, whether privately or in huddle...

[fascination]

maybe that's why I've never noticed...ya sorta get over it or ya sink IME

[samina]

yep

[Sabor]

i have a sensitive sense of sight, smell and touch .. so i understandably peeve alot .. but mostly keep it to myslf (off to the punching bag)

[liz]

I come across very confident, but, being watched makes me nervous and I feel not sure of myself... Now if someone can come up with away to compete and not be watched, that would be great....Lol..

[noobster]

I dislike being watched also. I mentioned this to a dance buddy and he was surprised - because, he said, my dancing seemed very confident. But it's not about being unself-confident at all for me.

It's more because a good dance is a private, shared experience between my partner and me. It feels like an intrusion for someone to watch. I want to tell them to find a partner and go boogie themselves. Play ball or get off the field and all that.

I don't mind people being around during my lesson at all. My lesson is a lesson; I'm not flirting with my instructor. The studios are always full of other dancers anyway, of course.

[Golden]

This thread caught my eye for two reasons:
1) A leader who yanks your arm to turn/spin you. Even though you are very capable to complete such a move by yourself.

2)A old man who comes to dances with the intention of hitting on followers much younger than himself, as well as in the presence of his girlfriend.

Luckily, I have only came across one guy who has done this. The other leaders I have danced with are all perfect gentlemen.

[Phil Owl]

WOW!!! :eek:
Over FOUR YEARS and this thread is still alive and kicking!!!

[Ron Obvious]

I hate when the DJ mixes two salsa songs instead of having a pause in between.

First of all it makes it harder for me to leave the dance, secondly it didn't come out right. The two songs had the same beats per minute, so I danced them through, but came out on 3 on the second song. I like dancing on 3 so I continued, but the lady didn't like it. So I had to change anyway.

[DancinAnne]

Leaders who overlead and push and pull and twist you up... though admittedly this is rare, but it sticks in my mind. I'm a darn good follower, I've worked very hard at this and I dance with LOTS of leaders always working to improve, and I don't need all that pushing around. I'll excuse it if it's just inexperience and they are working to get better. I'm not perfect either.

[fascination]

crappy waltzes and sitting out waltzes...both put me in a snit

[DancinAnne]

I'll second that one...

[Joe]

crappy waltzes and sitting out waltzes...both put me in a snit
So you'd rather dance to a crappy waltz than sit it out?

[fascination]

rather dance than sit in general....but mainly, depends upon the guy...bad waltz and bad lead...I can sit that out without too much pain

[fascination]

in fact, I have been known to get out of bed and chage out of my pjs to waltz with some men...and I haven't the faintest idea whether or not it was a good song

[etp777]

Sounds stupid, but one of my biggest peeves (though they haven't played it at a party in months), is songs in wrong time. Fly me to the Moon by Sinatra has been a foxtrot in four for longer than I've been alive. least every version of it I've ever heard. :) But new machine they got for music at studio has a version of song done by someone else that is done as a waltz, and i can not get my mind to think in three if that song is on.

[Joe]

in fact, I have been known to get out of bed and chage out of my pjs to waltz with some men...and I haven't the faintest idea whether or not it was a good song
I suppose that means I have done my job... :cool:

[fascination]

for the time being

[Peaches]

in fact, I have been known to get out of bed and chage out of my pjs to waltz with some men...and I haven't the faintest idea whether or not it was a good song

I suppose that means I have done my job... :cool:LOL!!!

[misswaltz]

Ignorance from a dance teacher. I know dance studios are competative but to completely dismiss the credibility, knowledge and the fact that there are other dance professionals outside of their studio in the city, rubs me the wrong way. It feels like a lack of respect towards other professionals.

:(

[fascination]

just insecurity...happens in all walks of life...the thing that I most respect about my pro is that he encourages m learning from every place that I can find it...and is never threatened by what he doesn't know...one of the many reasons i stay with him....he is on the path too, and not ashamed to admit it

[etp777]

Hard to say without knowing whole story, but that'd certainly be a red flag to me, misswaltz. Or at least very discouraging. I agree with fasc, part of reason I like my teachers is that they're both very willing to admit if they don't know something, and also encourage me greatly to get out and learn/dance other places. Of course, maybe that's partly them just trying to get me to quit being such a shy guy. :)

[Sabor]

smell .. smell .. smell..
sometimes .. u wish the nose had no function

[samina]

in that regard, we are quite the same, sabor.
to have an overly sensitive nose can be quite a liability...

[fascination]

on the other hand it can be...yummy

[DancinAnne]

I also do not care for foxtrot mixers at all...

and would like to see more bolero, tango, waltz, and vw at parties and infinately less swing and hustle...


Ewww... me neither (on the ft mixers) and amen!! Oh, except for the less swing and hustle. But then, our current studio doesn't really play a lot of swing and hustle... I would love to see a lot more wcs...

[NielsenE]

well greatly prefer a foxtrot mixer to a merengue mixer..... studio had a tango mixer last week. now that was fun :)

[SPratt74]

well greatly prefer a foxtrot mixer to a merengue mixer..... studio had a tango mixer last week. now that was fun :)

I like the Fox Trot at parties. But it depends on the song though. If a song doesn't really fit in with the rest of the music they are playing, then I'm like hmmm... lol! But I love the Fox Trot and the Waltz. You name it though. I'll dance to it. I don't care lol.

[waltzgirl]

I've never understood why foxtrot is the traditional mixer dance. Seems to me waltz is a lot more forgiving in the random mixed-capability situations that arise in mixers, but I don't think I've ever seen a waltz mixer.

[DancinAnne]

well greatly prefer a foxtrot mixer to a merengue mixer..... studio had a tango mixer last week. now that was fun :)

Okay, I'll go with you on that one. Perhaps it's just mixers in general of which I'm not fond... now a tango mixer could be fun!

[DancinAnne]

I've never understood why foxtrot is the traditional mixer dance. Seems to me waltz is a lot more forgiving in the random mixed-capability situations that arise in mixers, but I don't think I've ever seen a waltz mixer.

I've always wondered that too. It seems almost universal that mixers are foxtrots. It is considered one of the earliest dances that was truly social. Perhaps that is the reason? Tradition, of sorts?

[DancinAnne]

I like the Fox Trot at parties. But it depends on the song though. If a song doesn't really fit in with the rest of the music they are playing, then I'm like hmmm... lol! But I love the Fox Trot and the Waltz. You name it though. I'll dance to it. I don't care lol.

It's not the dances to which I'm objecting, that's why you'll see me every week out dancing without fail :)... it's the mixers... though I might like them better with other dances, as has been said...

[NielsenE]

Mixer dances (at least at studios that tend to have lots of mixers) tend to be dances that the basic can be taught in minutes. Hence merengue (side, close, side, close.... wiggle your hips, spin the lady as desired) or foxtrot (SSQQ, FFSC) done.

The waltz, even with a plain forward progressive basic (aka repeated Closed Changes) tends to take longer for people to get, since the weight change on the close seems to completely elude beginners in that dance (not sure why they can change wait in Foxtrot/Merengue closes....(

[samina]

on the other hand it can be...yummy

:cool::cool:

[danceronice]

I'd rather foxtrot in mixers than waltz (though it would be fun to try), and I'd rather do either than merengue. (Not my favorite dance.) I love mixers, too, though some weeks they're stinkers, other times I come up aces, like two weeks ago where through sheer luck of the draw I danced with every one of the male pros at the party during the mixer, plus a couple of my favorite "regulars", too.

Last week I hit one of my pet peeves--leaders who try to coach when they're NOT instructors of any kind. Especially when he was getting on about my hip action, which is one of my bugbears I've been working on a lot in my private lessons. This guy seemed to think he was an expert (I'm a good enough follow to feel he wasn't) and he kept trying to give pointers, and even said, "Now the hips are the really hard part to teach." I finally smiled sweetly and said "Then please don't try." Honestly--when it comes to technique, especially areas where I have beaucoup problems, I'll save my questions for my private lessons!

[DancinAnne]

Mixer dances (at least at studios that tend to have lots of mixers) tend to be dances that the basic can be taught in minutes. Hence merengue (side, close, side, close.... wiggle your hips, spin the lady as desired) or foxtrot (SSQQ, FFSC) done.

The waltz, even with a plain forward progressive basic (aka repeated Closed Changes) tends to take longer for people to get, since the weight change on the close seems to completely elude beginners in that dance (not sure why they can change wait in Foxtrot/Merengue closes....(

Makes sense...

[SPratt74]

It's not the dances to which I'm objecting, that's why you'll see me every week out dancing without fail :)... it's the mixers... though I might like them better with other dances, as has been said...

I'm confused. I never said that you didn't like the dances. I'm not sure why you said that. But to me I like dancing as practice when I can. Although, I haven't been able to this summer for a variety of reasons. I'm hoping to pick it up though. And if it's not my favorite dance to dance to, then I just have to remember not to pick it for a showcase or what have you. But that doesn't mean that I will object to it at a party if someone asks me to dance with them etc. I'll still dance to whatever. That doesn't bother me one bit.

[Terpsichorean Clod]

I've never understood why foxtrot is the traditional mixer dance. Seems to me waltz is a lot more forgiving in the random mixed-capability situations that arise in mixers, but I don't think I've ever seen a waltz mixer.I've always wondered that too. It seems almost universal that mixers are foxtrots. It is considered one of the earliest dances that was truly social. Perhaps that is the reason? Tradition, of sorts?
:shock: You poor deprived dancers! The two studios to which I've been that do mixers have waltz and foxtrot equally often. I'd thought that was a common practice.

[samina]

I've never understood why foxtrot is the traditional mixer dance. Seems to me waltz is a lot more forgiving in the random mixed-capability situations that arise in mixers, but I don't think I've ever seen a waltz mixer.

interesting, this talk of dance-specific mixers. never saw one, never attended one....

but i agree with your statement here, waltzgirl.

[samina]

come to think of it, i've never been to anything called a "mixer". is that just another word for a social?

[Terpsichorean Clod]

Mixer dances (at least at studios that tend to have lots of mixers) tend to be dances that the basic can be taught in minutes. Hence merengue (side, close, side, close.... wiggle your hips, spin the lady as desired) or foxtrot (SSQQ, FFSC) done.

The waltz, even with a plain forward progressive basic (aka repeated Closed Changes) tends to take longer for people to get, since the weight change on the close seems to completely elude beginners in that dance (not sure why they can change wait in Foxtrot/Merengue closes....(
Been there, done that. :sigh: :lol:
Difficulty with follower not changing weight on waltz progressive basic (http://dance-forums.com/showthread.php?t=15534)

[Terpsichorean Clod]

come to think of it, i've never been to anything called a "mixer". is that just another word for a social?
Think live (green?) dance smoothie. ;)

[samina]

lol...:kissme:

[danceronice]

come to think of it, i've never been to anything called a "mixer". is that just another word for a social?

A mixer (at our studio!) is one dance during the party, where the guys line up on one side, the girls on the other, and the object is to dance with as many people as you can before the music ends (they usually play about three songs at our parties.) You dance with the next person in line, go to the back of your respective lines, and when you get to the head of the line again, repeat. It's fun as you get to swap partners a lot.

[Terpsichorean Clod]

come to think of it, i've never been to anything called a "mixer". is that just another word for a social?
We have a line of leaders and a line of followers which converge along the side of the dance floor. First person in each line pair up and take a turn around the floor, then line up again. I've seen some people keep going for 3 or 4 more laps, though. :shrug: I like it as my studio plays three waltzes/foxtrots in a row. A good chunk of my dancing for the night is during the mixer.

[Terpsichorean Clod]

Jinx! ;)

[samina]

hey, that sounds like fun!

geez, can't believe it, but i haven't been to a non-latin ballroom social since... last fall.

wow.

[Terpsichorean Clod]

The down side is that sometimes people don't like the card they've been dealt and try to adjust their place in line. Like you'll have a pretty follower second in line and the two guys at the front of their line will be arguing: "After you, good sir." "No, no. You do me too much kindness. You first." :roll:

[SPratt74]

A mixer (at our studio!) is one dance during the party, where the guys line up on one side, the girls on the other, and the object is to dance with as many people as you can before the music ends (they usually play about three songs at our parties.) You dance with the next person in line, go to the back of your respective lines, and when you get to the head of the line again, repeat. It's fun as you get to swap partners a lot.

Yeah it's a lot of fun! I need to start going to socials more often. Oh well. ;)

[DancinAnne]

I'm confused. I never said that you didn't like the dances. I'm not sure why you said that. But to me I like dancing as practice when I can. Although, I haven't been able to this summer for a variety of reasons. I'm hoping to pick it up though. And if it's not my favorite dance to dance to, then I just have to remember not to pick it for a showcase or what have you. But that doesn't mean that I will object to it at a party if someone asks me to dance with them etc. I'll still dance to whatever. That doesn't bother me one bit.

You were talking about dancing in general. The conversation was about mixers. I was just clearing up what I said...

[DancinAnne]

:shock: You poor deprived dancers! The two studios to which I've been that do mixers have waltz and foxtrot equally often. I'd thought that was a common practice.

Bragger! ;) We ARE deprived. I would love to do a waltz mixer!!

[danceronice]

Ours ALWAYS does foxtrot. Tango or waltz would be interesting, but I think it's just almost EVERYONE can get through foxtrot, while there's always fewer people on the floor for tangos and waltzes.

Other issue--thinking on it I would think it would have to be a traveling dance, which limits what you can chose from, as the guys have to get the girls to the back of the line. Foxtrot travels and pretty much anyone can do it.

[Terpsichorean Clod]

This guy seemed to think he was an expert (I'm a good enough follow to feel he wasn't) and he kept trying to give pointers, and even said, "Now the hips are the really hard part to teach." I finally smiled sweetly and said "Then please don't try."
Brava! :applause::applause::applause::applause:

[waltzgirl]

almost EVERYONE can get through foxtrot.


You haven't danced at the same socials I do :) !

Actually, I had a tough time when I was in bronze because there are lots of advanced dancers who won't/don't (can't?) dance down. My pro taught me some "survival silver" steps longs before I was doing it seriously, so I could cope better at socials. But I found it much easier to fake silver waltz than silver foxtrot.

[DennisBeach]

I've always wondered that too. It seems almost universal that mixers are foxtrots. It is considered one of the earliest dances that was truly social. Perhaps that is the reason? Tradition, of sorts?

In Wisconsin, Waltz is the main dance for mixers. Most dances in the Milwaukee area, have 2 Waltz mixers and one Foxtrot mixer. The waltz ones seem to have more participants. I prefer Waltz for dancing with people ranging from beginner to advanced. We quit doing the bronze Foxtrot after less than a year, so if we have to do bronze, it is pretty bad <g>. A few practise party type dances, only do a short waltz mixer.

[DennisBeach]

Ours ALWAYS does foxtrot. Tango or waltz would be interesting, but I think it's just almost EVERYONE can get through foxtrot, while there's always fewer people on the floor for tangos and waltzes.


Here Waltz is the dance that most people do in the smooth category. Particularily when there are a lot of young people and/or beginners. But Tango is generally the best dance for most people.

[TwelveDance]

come to think of it, i've never been to anything called a "mixer". is that just another word for a social?

I think that in the UK it is often known as a Taxi dance , usually the Quickstep.

[cornutt]

I think that in the UK it is often known as a Taxi dance , usually the Quickstep.

I usually associate it with some dance where people are encouraged in some fashioin to dance with partners they haven't met or don't usually dance with. Sometimes assigning of partners in some quasi-random fashion is involved: a barn dance, or a foxtrot where you do one lap and get the next partner in line, matching cards, etc.

[anp73ga31]

I think that in the UK it is often known as a Taxi dance , usually the Quickstep.

:shock: quickstep! now that could be a disaster...especially with some of the guys I've encountered at dances. I'm not sure I would attempt a quickstep mixer unless I knew the people dancing it so I knew what to expect. I've just now gotten where I am ok with foxtrot...used to give me such trouble because everyone dances it at a different level and no one knows what level to start at, leading to awkward starts. waltz was much less stressful the first year or so I was dancing. wish they had done more of those and less of the foxtrot mixers back then! lol!

[pygmalion]

bump

[fascination]

here's one...I know that gentlemen often have to work hard to turn a lady...I would sincerely appreciate it if moer of them would give me one chance to do it on my own before i get flung hither and yon

[Izzy20]

What to say....

haven't read the thread so sorry if i repeat.

Guys who lead things ten times trying to get you to do something. I feel like telling them that's obviously not working let's move on.

There's a guy who instead of walking over and asking me to dance he'll yell from across the room. It's really annoying and to be honest I pretend not to hear him until he comes over.

There's also a guy who will ask me for one dance... then assume we're still dancing and dance several with me. I'm getting good at politely excusing myself.

Women who refuse men rudely. I've seen very shy guys get shot down in horrible ways and it always makes me cringe.

I'm sure its been said before but people who give lessons while dancing.

wow... i sound tough to dance with. I'm not. I love dancing and make it a point to never say no but some things do get under my skin.

[wooh]

If you're cold, bring a COAT or a WRAP or don't wear spaghetti straps and short skirt. Or get out of the chair and dance. And if it's winter and you're cold, don't sit next to the door.

[DL]

If you're cold, bring a COAT or a WRAP or don't wear spaghetti straps and short skirt. Or get out of the chair and dance. And if it's winter and you're cold, don't sit next to the door.


Especially, don't take it upon yourself to adjust the thermostat to warm the room.

[DL]

Guys who lead things ten times trying to get you to do something. I feel like telling them that's obviously not working let's move on.


Seriously, I wish more of my partners would be so clear.

Occasionally I lead something that doesn't quite work, and the feedback I get is ambiguous: Should I lead it again as clearly as I can, or eliminate it from my repertoire for the remainder of the dance? Some followers sometimes say they'd like a few chances to follow something if it doesn't go well the first time (or three).

[Izzy20]

I'm fine if its lead a few times but after maybe two or three tries... it's time to move on. The most extreme was someone who kept trying to lead the thing after the song had ended...

[Gorme]

some of the ladies had complained that I smelled.

How do you let a teacher know that he has bad smell? All the ladies are too polite to say anything, but I can smell it whenever he speaks to me.

[GGinrhinestones]

here's one...I know that gentlemen often have to work hard to turn a lady...I would sincerely appreciate it if moer of them would give me one chance to do it on my own before i get flung hither and yon

Absolutely agree! While I completely understand that gentlemen are learning to dance and developing their leads, nothing sends me running off the floor faster than a leader who feels it necessary to fling me around the floor. If for no other reason than it's a quick way to seriously injure the lady!

[wooh]

How do you let a teacher know that he has bad smell? All the ladies are too polite to say anything, but I can smell it whenever he speaks to me.

Tell the studio manager/owner? Let them have the ackward conversation?
There's a studio I've been frequenting that has a couple instructors that smoke, right outside the front door. I used to be a smoker, so I try to be forgiving, but move away from the door people!

[Tenehill]

I am at a loss sometimes, don't know how to continue: there are a few ladies who never learn and never had learned basics in ballroom. In waltz's basic figures, they do any, unpredictable, number of steps between 1 and 6. They dance foxtrot completely disregarding music and my leads. And this after years of going to parties and taking many group lessons.

My greatest difficulty here is that figures are finished on mismatched feet half the time. I can handle their putting much weight on me.

[wonderwoman]

1. Look at me, say hello to me, introduce yourself, acknowledge that I'm a person and that the dance is for BOTH of us
2. Don't correct me on a social dance floor. Never ever ever. Just don't. I will avoid you at all costs the rest of the night.

[pygmalion]

2. Don't correct me on a social dance floor. Never ever ever. Just don't. I will avoid you at all costs the rest of the night.


And forever amen.

[Kits]

Squeezing my hands too tightly :(

[kckc]

Squeezing my hands too tightly :(

oh yeah, this is a biggie. And even worse, if you try to move your hand/fingers a bit, the grip gets even tighter. AND, even worse, it seems to happen most even after (in a group class) the teacher says
exactly how we don't hold our partners hand.

[Lioness]

Creepy compliments...had one guy, probably 50 years younger than me say "If only I were 20 years younger..." Hello? Ew. Heck, tonight I had a man inform me that he wished he has lipstick like mine. Sure...wish all you like, but that was a really odd compliment :|

Along the same line...boob staring. Yes, they're there. Get over it. I don't wear low cut tops often, but that doesn't seem to stop them.

Men who try to lead underarm turns by moving their hands, like they're stirring a cake, or something. Even worse when they yank you around.

Here, the lanes tend to work the opposite way. Everyone starts around the outside of the room, and when there is no room or a fast couple gets stuck behind a slow one, they will break into the middle circle. What's annoying is when said slow couple just drifts in in front of you anyway!

People who just randomly start dancing against LOD, when the figure doesn't call for it. (To clarify, we do sequence dances, so everyone on the floor is doing the same thing). Don't look at me accusingly when you break from the routine and go backwards, while everyone else on the floor keeps going forwards. It's unexpected. You WILL get hit if we're not paying attention, or if we can't stop in time.

DJ's/social organisers who call out good places to start in the dance, but not until just after the beat has hit. Sure, a lot of people need the help, but give them more warning an -0.5 seconds.

[danceronice]

Men who try to lead underarm turns by moving their hands, like they're stirring a cake, or something. Even worse when they yank you around.



This. If I want my arm yanked out of my socket, there are horses at the barn who are bargey and yank. I'll just take them for a walk without a chain shank. I've had some leads I swear have tried to bend my arm the wrong way.

[madmaximus]

3+ days worth of armpit hair stubble combined with sleeveless dresses/blouses.

I don't mind armpit hair--except when it chafes my right arm to the point of leaving a rash.

I always wear long sleeved cotton shirts now--silk doesn't offer much protection against tough hair stubble.






m

[fascination]

you know, ever since you posted this the first time (elsewhere, and thank you very much)...I have always made sure that I am silky smooth....never occrred to me that a man had that much contact....

[ash_sk8s]

Guys who lead things ten times trying to get you to do something. I feel like telling them that's obviously not working let's move on.

YES! My partner can be really bad about that when we go social west coasting and I don't get a pattern he is trying to lead (I'm really not the best at following yet) and he keeps doing it and it keeps not happening right. Dude, just stop already, I obviously don't get it!

[madmaximus]

you know, ever since you posted this the first time (elsewhere, and thank you very much)...I have always made sure that I am silky smooth....never occrred to me that a man had that much contact....

and I'm sure your partners appreciate it beyond words.

A former partner started shaving regularly only after I showed her how red my forearm had become.

[Yeah, I couldn't remember where I posted the OP either...]






m

[fascination]

of course I am so obssessive about all of that stuff that I layer up at the first sign of perspiration which is immediate and I tend to gargle at bath room breaks as well... :)

not that OCD at other times, but dancing is different...I cannot concentrate if I am worrying about that stuff

[Joe]

3+ days worth of armpit hair stubble combined with sleeveless dresses/blouses.
I find the clamminess gets to me before stubble has a chance to.

[fascination]

I find the clamminess gets to me before stubble has a chance to.
oh lord...next thing ya know I'll be wearing a mini-pad under both pits....

[fascination]

another fine reason to prefer smooth...more open hold...a sign from God that I do not belong in standard

[Joe]

If you wear sleeves, you'll be fine.

[jerseydancer]

people who constantly complain that the other dancers sweat, if you cannot stand sweaty people do not dance

[Peaches]

Good grief. I cannot even imagine wearing a sleeveless/short sleeve top without having shaved. Ew. ick. Hell, even in winter, when I'm wearing long-sleeved shirts every day...I still shave every morning. I can go without shaving my legs for a few days (in Winter) without it bothering me, but not shaving pits?!?! Ew. Ick. Gack.

Don't see how shirts with sleeves will make a significant difference on the clamminess factor. All that means is that some poor guy will end up with a sweat-soaked shirt...unless that's preferable.

[Peaches]

people who constantly complain that the other dancers sweat, if you cannot stand sweaty people do not dance
I'm with ya, but...

To be fair, there's sweating and then there's sweating! And even the latter isn't necessarily a problem, unless it isn't dealt with--shirts changed, deoderant/anti-perspirant used, brows (or pits!) mopped. With AT, I don't mind the sweat so much--sweat running down both our faces and mingling doesn't phase me--but a cold and clammy sweaty shirt that could stand to be rung out...ew.

[jerseydancer]

and I'm sure your partners appreciate it beyond words.

A former partner started shaving regularly only after I showed her how red my forearm had become.

[Yeah, I couldn't remember where I posted the OP either...]






m looks like you have a problem with the hold and the posture, you should not touch your partner's armpit

[jerseydancer]

of course I am so obssessive about all of that stuff that I layer up at the first sign of perspiration which is immediate and I tend to gargle at bath room breaks as well... :)

not that OCD at other times, but dancing is different...I cannot concentrate if I am worrying about that stuff and you should not worry about these stuff when dancing. sweating is a part of exercise, as long as deodorant is used, none should worry about that. some of the posts are absolutely silly complaining about sweaty partner. dancing is a form of exercise and sweat comes naturally when we move. why all this hype?

[fascination]

If you wear sleeves, you'll be fine.you celarly have no grasp on my capacity to sweat

[fascination]

looks like you have a problem with the hold and the posture, you should not touch your partner's armpit:shock::shock:

[fascination]

and you should not worry about these stuff when dancing. sweating is a part of exercise, as long as deodorant is used, none should worry about that. some of the posts are absolutely silly complaining about sweaty partner. dancing is a form of exercise and sweat comes naturally when we move. why all this hype?well...it is also a partner dance and I like to be considerate...working at a gym, my body is well trainined to begin sweating instantly and very very productively....I can appreciate how "un-nice" it would be to have a handful of someone else's sweat...

[jerseydancer]

I'm with ya, but...

To be fair, there's sweating and then there's sweating! And even the latter isn't necessarily a problem, unless it isn't dealt with--shirts changed, deoderant/anti-perspirant used, brows (or pits!) mopped. With AT, I don't mind the sweat so much--sweat running down both our faces and mingling doesn't phase me--but a cold and clammy sweaty shirt that could stand to be rung out...ew. i agree with you on that. we do change our tops every 30 minutes or so when practicing. what i cannot stand is the other couple crashing into you during socials or practice and then complaining that your are too sweaty , what business do they have to complain, when they should not have crushed into us at the first place

[jerseydancer]

well...it is also a partner dance and I like to be considerate...working at a gym, my body is well trainined to begin sweating instantly and very very productively....I can appreciate how "un-nice" it would be to have a handful of someone else's sweat... agree with you on that, but still even it is a partner dance it is a sweaty partner dance. i consider that a part of the deal. using deodorant is considerate, and changing shirt once in a while is considerate, and i always appreciate that, but there is only so much to be done about not sweating, and if someone is so upset about that part of dancing, they may be should do jazz or ballet solo dancing:)

[jerseydancer]

you celarly have no grasp on my capacity to sweat so what can you do about this: stop in the middle of your routine and say: i am sorry i have to change my shirt? how silly would that be:)

[fascination]

well fortunately the only person who dances with me right now is paid to do so and he seems to take it well :)...more amused and amazed than anything else

[fascination]

so what can you do about this: stop in the middle of your routine and say: i am sorry i have to change my shirt? how silly would that be:)
I have many shrugs that I bring and between dances I will change them...I usually dance three hours and I change shrugs about three times

[jerseydancer]

I have many shrugs that I bring and between dances I will change them...I usually dance three hours and I change shrugs about three times we do the same, during our practice or lessons we change every hour or so. i always buy tops for dancing in bulk:)

[madmaximus]

looks like you have a problem with the hold and the posture, you should not touch your partner's armpit

[OMG!] I do?






m

[madmaximus]

oh lord...next thing ya know I'll be wearing a mini-pad under both pits....

LMAO





m

[Amanda Coyle]

A guy who yanks my arm when attempting to lead me through turns.

[DL]

[OMG!] I do?

m

OK, so this veers off topic, and I certainly will stop FAR short of asserting that you've got it all wrong (!!), but I will ask: I, too, was puzzled about the armpit contact. In standard I usually have contact with my lower forearm and her upper arm. What am I missing here?

[fascination]

another possibility, though I hate to get graphic...is that dispersion and coarseness of hair does vary from woman to woman

[madmaximus]

OK, so this veers off topic, and I certainly will stop FAR short of asserting that you've got it all wrong (!!), but I will ask: I, too, was puzzled about the armpit contact. In standard I usually have contact with my lower forearm and her upper arm. What am I missing here?

that in a proper hold (given a good pairing of dancers' height and proportions) that the forearm will contact the edges of the lady's armpit.

If a lady is particularly hirsute in that area, then you will find chafing as I described.

With the proper posture and hold, the placement of the man's right arm is achieved as follows (for Ballroom Standard except Tango):


Set your R hand on the lower left backquarter of the lady's hip.
Slide your hand upwards until R forearm touches the lady's L upper arm.
Optimally the tip of your right middle finger would be about 2-3 inches away from her spine.
The back of her L Upper Arm will be parallel to the plain of her back, while your R upper arm will angle forward (because the distance between your hand and chest will == the thickness of the lady's body).

There is more minutiae, but this should suffice for the discussion at hand (furthermore, we're describing competition-class hold here. Social holds tend to have a bit more variety and play).

In this configuration, your forearm will be approximately on the edge of the lady's armpit (defined loosely as that area that grows hair there), if not near enough to occasionally brush against.






m

[madmaximus]

another possibility, though I hate to get graphic...is that dispersion and coarseness of hair does vary from woman to woman

there's that too...


:)






m

[tsb]

another possibility, though I hate to get graphic...is that dispersion and coarseness of hair does vary from woman to woman

now i'm visualizing don king in a headlock...

[Joe]

With the proper posture and hold, the placement of the man's right arm is achieved as follows (for Ballroom Standard except Tango):
I hope you refrain from wearing sleeveless tops when dancing ballroom tango!

[TangoRocks]

Pet peeve, people dancing through breaks/highlights in music as if NOTHING has happened. I guess you can say I'm a sucker for musicality :cool:

[Steve Pastor]

Maybe the are SOOOO cool, they don't have to acknowledge the breaks.
(I actually read something to that effect somewhere!)

[Phil Owl]

Recently rediscovered pet peeve, COLUMNS and POSTS in the middle of a room. OK, I KNOW something has to hold the roof up and all, but man those things can be a real pain to have to navigate around, especially if it's a crowded floor. Just sayin-----

[Peaches]

A thought from this past Sunday... Gents, if you absolutely have to keep stuff in your pockets while you dance, please keep it in your left pocket.

Not to say it actually hurts or is uncomfortable if you keep it in the right, and not to say that I won't ever encounter stuff if you keep it in your right, but generally speaking we ladies go outside to your right more often than not.

It doesn't hurt, but it is kind of jarring and unpleasant when things have been all intense and sensual, bodies moving together, there's some wonderfully sensual thigh-against-thigh contact, you lead me outside partner to your right...and I encounter the hard edge/corner or your wallet, cell phone and/or keys. Hmph. Mood ruined.

[wooh]

A thought from this past Sunday... Gents, if you absolutely have to keep stuff in your pockets while you dance, please keep it in your left pocket.


My dance instructor has ingrained "empty your pockets" into every male student's brain. My husband has trouble even putting a prize ticket into a pocket, he's so afraid of her!

[DWise1]

Ever since an early Balboa class, I've learned to have nothing in my right front pocket except for something flat and made of cloth. Bal is danced close, as are slow drags in which she's practically riding on that right pocket.

In one Lindy discussion forum a girl told of doing slow drags with one partner who kept his cell phone in his right front pocket. Set to vibrate. Which it did.

[Anchovynist]

you celarly have no grasp on my capacity to sweat

I feel your pain. I sweat buckets. Hell with it, let's dance. They can mop the floor later.

[Anchovynist]

A thought from this past Sunday... Gents, if you absolutely have to keep stuff in your pockets while you dance, please keep it in your left pocket.

Not to say it actually hurts or is uncomfortable if you keep it in the right, and not to say that I won't ever encounter stuff if you keep it in your right, but generally speaking we ladies go outside to your right more often than not.

It doesn't hurt, but it is kind of jarring and unpleasant when things have been all intense and sensual, bodies moving together, there's some wonderfully sensual thigh-against-thigh contact, you lead me outside partner to your right...and I encounter the hard edge/corner or your wallet, cell phone and/or keys. Hmph. Mood ruined.

So my fishing lures should go?

[Anchovynist]

now i'm visualizing don king in a headlock...

Oh, that's just wrong!

[DWise1]

So my fishing lures should go?

Probably depends on what you're trolling for.

[dancingirldancing]

People esp guys who insists on BIG arms during new vogue mostly look ugly anyway esp when they r flailing right in front of ur face or smacking ur shoulder and they keep going like idiots.

I am a comp dancer & tone my arm down significantly to accommodate others who clearly do not care about accommodating me ...

And also hates ppl who dance in front of me in nv/sequence dances and who takes very tiny forward step and then take HUGE backward step right into us. Mostly on crowded floor too !

I ask one guy why he took such a big step back and he told me that it is to look 'graceful'.

[Lioness]

People esp guys who insists on BIG arms during new vogue mostly look ugly anyway esp when they r flailing right in front of ur face or smacking ur shoulder and they keep going like idiots.

*nods*

A lot of them do it (I take it you're talking about social dancers) because they watch the comp dancers and attempt to copy them. Ditto with the 'graceful' large steps.

[morgrob]

My wife and I were at a social dance once, and we were doing cha cha, and this guy who was dancing next to us was doing a crossover with huge arms, and I did a spot turn. His finger was inches from my eye...very scary. Somewhat my fault, but he should be more aware where his arms are, lol. I am much more watchful now.

[Phil Owl]

My wife and I were at a social dance once, and we were doing cha cha, and this guy who was dancing next to us was doing a crossover with huge arms, and I did a spot turn. His finger was inches from my eye...very scary. Somewhat my fault, but he should be more aware where his arms are, lol. I am much more watchful now.

Much to be said for defensive dancing!

[vbadancer]

:lol:
I'd have to say that one of my biggest peeves is when somone is considered a big fish in a little pond where they come from, but wont leave their own realm for fear of not recieving the same attention and compliments. I call it the "shock-collar syndrome." If they dare to cross the threshhold of another vicinity, they'll recieve a shock around their neck. :roll:

I agree with the big fish/little pond thing. And similarly, when an instructor's teaching is outdated because they refuse to go to lessons or attend dance events/workshops outside their studio. (Thinking about west coast swing in particular here).

[Rugby]

:lol:
I'd have to say that one of my biggest peeves is when somone is considered a big fish in a little pond where they come from, but wont leave their own realm for fear of not recieving the same attention and compliments.

If I had a buck everytime I met one of these ones. (Rolling eyes) I call them "Legends In Their Own Mind".

[Rugby]

Hello Phil and Lioness.

[Kipling]

I prefer places where they are courteous to newcomers and you get a warm welcome, rather than venues where the reaction seems to be"Lawdy-be well hush my mouth, a stranger, well the audacity of some folk, well I'm having no truck with him."


I liked this post so much I wanted to bring it to the front of the line again.

[pygmalion]

Thanks for resurrecting this oldie but goodie thread, Kipling. I has missed many of the later posts.

This one, for example, is absolutely hilarious. The things you learn in DF. *wink*



In one Lindy discussion forum a girl told of doing slow drags with one partner who kept his cell phone in his right front pocket. Set to vibrate. Which it did.

[pygmalion]

Pet peeve, people dancing through breaks/highlights in music as if NOTHING has happened. I guess you can say I'm a sucker for musicality :cool:

I understand this, but think that this is a set-up for disappointment. I lot of people don't have enough musical training to be able to feel/hear breaks in the music.

[bia]

On the issue of snobs who think they're too good to dance with the hoi polloi, I'd like to add a note of caution in interpretation. When DH and I go social dancing, we mostly dance with each other. We each dance with anyone else who asks, but that may be only a dance or two the whole evening. When a song appropriate for standard comes on, we dance our best standard (with polite floorcraft), and we do it better than anyone else in the room. The other dancers think we're really good. I know, because they're always telling us so. An ungenerous observer could easily be highly critical of our behavior and what they interpret as our high opinion of ourselves.

But wait, a few more details. I have yet to meet another student in this state who dances standard at all (we learned before we moved here, and we go out of state for lessons), so being the best couple in a sample of one is hardly an accomplishment. This once-a-month dance is our only chance to dance when anyone else is on the floor, and we want to take advantage of the opportunity to work on our floorcraft as a couple. This dance is in a small town an hour and a half away from us; the dancers there focus mostly on social dancing, and the nice little studio there caters to them in that. They mostly know lots of patterns with casual technique. DH is not comfortable asking other follows for most dances, because he specialized quite early in his dance career, so the overlap in what he knows how to lead and what they're used to following is very small. I have more varied experience, plus it's easier for me as a follow, so I could be asking other guys more, but given the number imbalance (not extreme, but more women than men), I would feel bad taking a leader away from a follower who's not getting to dance as much that night as I am. So we end up being pretty exclusive.

In this particular place, I don't think we're offending anyone. We smile and we chat, and they're all really sweet and welcoming and friendly. In any case, I'm not sure what we could do to improve the situation. I could nag DH to ask other people to dance more anyhow, even though he's not comfortable with it, but I try to restrain my nagging in general. (I'm sure DH would say I could try harder.) We could change our dance priorities and learn more of what the other people know, but that's not where our hearts are, and it's certainly not worth a long drive to us. That said, I think one of that studio's teachers is moving to our own little town soon, so if there are actually classes locally, DH could increase his social dancing repertoire, and I could learn to lead, and then we could both start asking ladies to dance. That would be nice; I hope it works out.

Sorry for the big long story. It's just that whenever I hear complaints about dancers who think they're too good for anyone else, I feel the need to question the assumption. As an introvert in my non-dancing life, I became aware even as a child that shyness can easily be misinterpreted as stuck-up-ness. In a dancing context, a shy person who is not yet a good dancer may get the benefit of the doubt, but if the dancing skill improves faster than the social skill, or if an otherwise good dancer has reason to lack confidence in one area or another, suddenly this person is seen as a snob. Yeah, some dancers are arrogant snobs. But getting from external behavior to internal motivation is always an act of interpretation. Maybe there's more to that snob's story than you realize.

[Ray Sison]

On the issue of snobs who think they're too good to dance with the hoi polloi, I'd like to add a note of caution in interpretation. When DH and I go social dancing, we mostly dance with each other. We each dance with anyone else who asks, but that may be only a dance or two the whole evening. When a song appropriate for standard comes on, we dance our best standard (with polite floorcraft), and we do it better than anyone else in the room. The other dancers think we're really good. I know, because they're always telling us so. An ungenerous observer could easily be highly critical of our behavior and what they interpret as our high opinion of ourselves.

But wait, a few more details. I have yet to meet another student in this state who dances standard at all (we learned before we moved here, and we go out of state for lessons), so being the best couple in a sample of one is hardly an accomplishment. This once-a-month dance is our only chance to dance when anyone else is on the floor, and we want to take advantage of the opportunity to work on our floorcraft as a couple. This dance is in a small town an hour and a half away from us; the dancers there focus mostly on social dancing, and the nice little studio there caters to them in that. They mostly know lots of patterns with casual technique. DH is not comfortable asking other follows for most dances, because he specialized quite early in his dance career, so the overlap in what he knows how to lead and what they're used to following is very small. I have more varied experience, plus it's easier for me as a follow, so I could be asking other guys more, but given the number imbalance (not extreme, but more women than men), I would feel bad taking a leader away from a follower who's not getting to dance as much that night as I am. So we end up being pretty exclusive.

In this particular place, I don't think we're offending anyone. We smile and we chat, and they're all really sweet and welcoming and friendly. In any case, I'm not sure what we could do to improve the situation. I could nag DH to ask other people to dance more anyhow, even though he's not comfortable with it, but I try to restrain my nagging in general. (I'm sure DH would say I could try harder.) We could change our dance priorities and learn more of what the other people know, but that's not where our hearts are, and it's certainly not worth a long drive to us. That said, I think one of that studio's teachers is moving to our own little town soon, so if there are actually classes locally, DH could increase his social dancing repertoire, and I could learn to lead, and then we could both start asking ladies to dance. That would be nice; I hope it works out.

Sorry for the big long story. It's just that whenever I hear complaints about dancers who think they're too good for anyone else, I feel the need to question the assumption. As an introvert in my non-dancing life, I became aware even as a child that shyness can easily be misinterpreted as stuck-up-ness. In a dancing context, a shy person who is not yet a good dancer may get the benefit of the doubt, but if the dancing skill improves faster than the social skill, or if an otherwise good dancer has reason to lack confidence in one area or another, suddenly this person is seen as a snob. Yeah, some dancers are arrogant snobs. But getting from external behavior to internal motivation is always an act of interpretation. Maybe there's more to that snob's story than you realize.

bia, what you have explained is perfectly well-reasoned--and an excellent post... :cheers:

[Bailamosdance]

Also, reverse 'snobbery'; which is what is seen so many times:

I just social dance, I don't take lessons

I learned on the floor

I just follow

etc etc

[RoyHarper]

I'm with you, Bailamosdance. The reverse snobbery bugs me, too.

In my experience, it usually takes the form of dancing really badly and saying, "Oh, we're just here to have fun." It's a bit of a peeve because, well, it's frustrating when scarcely anyone in the room has any skill.

As I said in previous threads, I'm not saying that everyone MUST take lessons or learn to dance well. It's just a pet peeve; that's all. And of course, it doesn't help that laypeople often draw a false distinction between "dancing with skill using established styles" and "dancing to have fun."

[Kipling]

You know when you take a cold bottle of water to the dance studio and it leaves condensation on the table? That really bothers me.

[RoyHarper]

Another peeve: Beginners who show up at a community dance and who, for whatever reason, skip the introductory beginner's lesson -- or arrive so horribly late that they may as well have skipped it.

I don't have a problem with beginners; after all, everyone has to start somewhere. Some people try to wing it though, and that gets to be kinda annoying. If you're a novice, then you almost certainly NEED the beginner's lesson. It's unfair to expect other dancers to teach you the absolute basics on the dance floor, especially if they're total strangers.

[nucat78]

another possibility, though I hate to get graphic...is that dispersion and coarseness of hair does vary from woman to woman

From peach fuzz to Sasquatch?

[DerekWeb]

Went to a social last evening. I could not believe how many taxi dancers would stop in the middle of LOD to teach, with no regard to the fact that this was a social dance and they were rudely blocking LOD!

[Kipling]

Are you using the term "taxi dancer" the way it is defined by Wikipedia? I didn't know there was such a thing:

"Taxi dancers are young women who are hired by male patrons to dance with them on a dance-by-dance basis. "

What's the going price for a taxi dancer? Where would I look to find one?

[Kipling]

Never mind, I found a good discussion in another thread (A VERY rude question (http://danceforums.com/showthread.php?t=26608)). :)

[DerekWeb]

These were professionals hired by their students to be their dance partners at the social for the evening. It is often men teachers but at this place on this occasion their were two men and two women hired professionals in one evening in one social. That made for too much rude teaching while deliberately blocking LOD. Seems some professionals think they are privileged. I should add that many other professionals, including studio owners, would never do such a thing.

[pygmalion]

A previous USADance chapter I was involved with used to give out copies of a lanes of dance diagram at its social dances. It's that universal. There's no excuse for professionals teaching in the fast lane. They should know better.

[pygmalion]

See? This was so easy to find. The page is not all that user friendly, but all the info is there. Should be required reading for everybody except the very newest newb that's planning to attend a social dance. (Would be nice for newest newbs too, but they have enough on their plates, IMO)

http://www.ballroomdances.org/etiquette.shtml

ETA: You have to click on the dance floor to see anything, but the info is there.

[basicarita]

That cigarette burn blistered and left me with a burn mark the size of a pea on the top of my hand. It was real pretty. I heard that there is a club in Hawaii that has "non-smoking salsa nights". It should be worldwide!

I want to go there.

:p

[basicarita]

Telling somebody they're doing something wrong on the dance floor--even if they are--to me is a huge no-no, and I will refuse to dance with a partner who does that.

So will I. I'm not sure how far our manners are required to extend when the other person is being that rude.

:?

[basicarita]

Yeah, this is an important one. Once I met a gorgeous hunk who was interested in dancing with me and I thanked my lucky stars, but after dancing with him I always felt depressed. Even though I totaly understood he was the type who would constantly correct me and was prepared to make it work anyway, subconciously I felt really berated.

Often I find a great looking partner who insists on correcting me even though I know I am not the (only) problem but I put up with it because good men are scarce. But getting depressed from dancing was something that I could not afford to let happen so I broke it off. (Enough other things in life to get depressed about!!)

He once told me that no woman wanted to dance with him and that he didn't understand why ... !!!! I found this perplexing because he was totally HOT, but after a while I could see that no woman wants to dance with a man who corrects her for two hours straight every practice!

I probably would do him a favour by telling him of his unpleasant habit but I don't see him any more. I don't know why some guys get like this .. why can't they accept that they are not always right. Even when the see their partner dance the step effortlessly with their teacher they blame the partner for not being able to do the step properly with them.

I've had several partners with egos that I felt I had to protect as if I was walking on eggshells ... THIS IS MY WORST PET PEEVE .. THE PARTNER WHO NEEDS TO BE ALWAYS RIGHT

I wish you'd had the chance to tell him before you stopped seeing him.

Guys like this will never stop doing this if we ladies don't let them know they're doing it, and how annoying / upsetting it is.

I know there's pressure on us to be super-polite, but

a) we don't have to let them know in a "mean" way, and

b) the way I see it, we're actually being mean to our fellow follows as well if we don't let these guys know how disruptive what they're doing is.

[basicarita]

I didn't have anything to post here until after last night. I had one newbie grab my arm really hard while trying to show me a new move at one of our parties (mind you I'm a light weight, so it really hurt). I could tell he was getting frustrated with me since I couldn't pick up on his advanced moves. Parties aren't supposed to be a place to show new moves from what I've been told (well, to a point that is). Then he kept telling me to watch people that I know are better than me. I slowly got away from him, because he became really annoying. I told him that I was new, but he still acted like a jerk I thought. He's not an instructor or anything, so I don't get why he was acting like a big shot. I'm not too sure what to do about the guy, but I think that I have every right to reject dances from him in the future after being treated like that, but I feel bad because I don't want to say no to anyone if I can help it. Does that sound mean?

This is JMHO -- but you absolutely have the right to refuse dances from people who have hurt you in the past.

[basicarita]

There have been so many times when I've wanted to say, "Listen, if we're going to stop for lesson time...":rolleyes:


Say it! Say it! Say it with a smile -- or however you feel you need to do it to "soften the message" -- but say it!

Sometimes I think these terrible things these leads do are in part us follows' fault -- because if we don't tell them it's a problem (at least for us personallly), they will never know.

[jennyisdancing]

Also, reverse 'snobbery'; which is what is seen so many times:

I just social dance, I don't take lessons

I learned on the floor

I just follow

etc etc

Yes, I'm also baffled by the number of people I talk to at dances, where the conversation goes like this:

Other dancer (to me): You dance well. I wish I could do some of those moves. How do you do that?
Myself: Thanks, I've had great teachers and I have learned a lot from them.
Other dancer: (puzzled, faraway look) You take classes?
Myself: Of course....how else would I learn to dance well?
Other dancer: Oh, I've just picked things up here and there. I don't take classes or anything, it's just for fun.

Um...okay. Now in all fairness, there are some dance events which are very beginner oriented, and totally friendly and accommodating to those who don't take classes. I have no problem with that being the nature of the event. And some folks can't tell the difference or don't aspire to be better dancers.

The part I don't get, is when someone clearly does see and appreciate the difference that training can make, and (so far as I know) could probably afford one group class a week, yet they choose not to do it.

I'm not talking about non-dancers here, that's a whole other issue...these are people who have already chosen dance as a hobby, yet still don't want to learn much of anything. Hard to imagine it would be much fun to, say, join a softball league without knowing how to actually hit, catch or throw a softball pretty well. :confused:

[bia]

Yes, I'm also baffled by the number of people I talk to at dances, where the conversation goes like this:

Other dancer (to me): You dance well. I wish I could do some of those moves. How do you do that?
Myself: Thanks, I've had great teachers and I have learned a lot from them.
Other dancer: (puzzled, faraway look) You take classes?
Myself: Of course....how else would I learn to dance well?
Other dancer: Oh, I've just picked things up here and there. I don't take classes or anything, it's just for fun.

Slightly off the thread topic, but this make me think of a similar exchange I've had a couple of times recently:

Other person: Oh, you dance ballroom? I took a few lessons once, but I just don't have the talent for it. I couldn't remember the steps from one class to the next.
Me: Yeah, well, it's a new physical skill, so it can take a while to get it into the body. It's easier to remember the steps if you practice them a little between classes.
Other person: Practice?!? But that's work! This is supposed to be fun!

Which is fine. You don't have to want it badly enough to be willing to work at it. But you don't get to blame it on a lack of "talent".

[Steve Pastor]

I'm not talking about non-dancers here, that's a whole other issue...these are people who have already chosen dance as a hobby, yet still don't want to learn much of anything. Hard to imagine it would be much fun to, say, join a softball league without knowing how to actually hit, catch or throw a softball pretty well. :confused:

Disclaimer: I may be delusional, but I don't think so.

What happens is that people of approximately the same level find each other, and they dance with each other, and they enjoy themselves. Or, you have the guys who don't much care how good a woman is, they just want to dance with a woman, and they make it work (unless she totally sucks or is unpleasant in other ways). (Trust me on this one. Being somewhat pure at heart, (been there and have done the other thing( in a previous life)) and being mostly about dance, I am usually a bit disappointed in my male friends who fess up to this.)

I see lots of not so good dancing, including being totally off the beat. So what? Why are you being so critical? People just want to enjoy themselves!

Ladies, guess what? No matter how good a guy gets, he will still have women ask him not to do, or do something even if he is doing to compensate for something that ISN'T being done by his partner. Even Frankie Manning was blown off by women as not knowing how to dance / not being good enough. (I think people who are KNOWN to be teachers are immune to this. And, they are paid to compensate for their student's lack of technique.)

So there you go, pet peeves at dances.

[Kipling]

Women at a social dance who only want to dance with the pron and would rather sit out a dance and wait for the pro than dance with me. Pros who spoil women for any other guy.

[nucat78]

Heh. Well, I tell ya, Kip...

When I started, there were two asst INSTRUCTORS who tried to avoid dancing with me in group classes, much less socials. Luckily, there were follows who were total newbs who also knew nothing like me, so I wasn't completely out of luck as far as partners went.

However, as time went on, one asst instructor became interested in dancing with me to the point of asking me to do showcases with her. (The other one left the studio.) And I had one follow tell me that I was a better lead on some dances than the main instructor. Was she just blowing Merry Sunshine? Who knows?

Anyway, a newbie lead learning curve can be a long thing, but hang in there and you might be surprised who wants to dance with you. And, if the lead-follow ratio is like many studios, you'll be the one to eventually pick and choose. I'd never advocate payback, but it can be... well, you know... LOL!

And I met DP at a group class, so...

[rbazsz]

Women who pretend they don't know what you are leading when you know damn well they do. They give you that blank face look just to prove that you aren't worthy of leading them to anything more than a sugar push. Arg! :-|

[DancingChristianne]

Good morning!

Kipling, at the studio where I've been taking my lessons for the past year, you would be at a premium since there are literally no available leads who currently take lessons. At the dances, we get drop-in leads who don't take lessons at all - if they ever did. And the couples, as a rule, do not dance with those who do not have partners - at that particular studio. And that includes the beginner's night.

So I would welcome you with open arms - and dance the night away!

:kitty:

[Kipling]

Good morning DancingChristianne! Your post is a great way to start the day! I will be happy all day! I am wanted! I am needed! Yeah!:)

[Kipling]

Anyway, a newbie lead learning curve can be a long thing, but hang in there and you might be surprised who wants to dance with you. And, if the lead-follow ratio is like many studios, you'll be the one to eventually pick and choose.

This is why I am dancing every day, taking 3 private classes a week, about 4 group classes/week, going to clubs...I want to get over this stage as soon as possible and be a good lead. I think that reading DF helps the learning process, but maybe I'm just fooling myself to justify goofing around on the internet when I should be working.

[jennyisdancing]

Which is fine. You don't have to want it badly enough to be willing to work at it. But you don't get to blame it on a lack of "talent".

I agree, but that is exactly what people do. I especially hear this from men (in all fairness I know there are other issue making men reluctant to dance, discussed in other threads.)

But it really just doesn't occur to some people that if they don't know how to dance, it's a pretty straightforward process of finding a teacher and taking lessons. With other (non-dance) hobbies, people seem better able to understand the idea of learning the correct skills and getting some practice. Good dancers just make everything look too easy. :rolleyes:

[fascination]

honestly, I think there is a growing trend in a large portion of the population to think that no skill should be required to accomplish anything, because attaining the lowest calibre of anything has been made so easy and been so widely legitimized....look at how we obtain our news, form our opinions, procure our food, decide what to purchase...we have come to value speed over quality in all things

[Kipling]

I think it is just another example of a lower culture driving out higher culture, which is happening everywhere in modern western society. Also known as the "race to the bottom." There is a lot of high culture in Amsterdam but most tourists visit the red light district first. Of course that begs the question of why. Seems to me that people would eventually get bored with the lower culture and want to move on to something more sophisticated or at least different.

[Steve Pastor]

most tourists visit the red light district first
Darn, and I went to the Grasshopper! (a friendly couple I met on the train into town took me there!) and then one of the museums, which I walked by several times......
Red Light district... I knew I forgot to do something in Amsterdam!

[RoyHarper]

Slightly off the thread topic, but this make me think of a similar exchange I've had a couple of times recently:

Other person: Oh, you dance ballroom? I took a few lessons once, but I just don't have the talent for it. I couldn't remember the steps from one class to the next.
Me: Yeah, well, it's a new physical skill, so it can take a while to get it into the body. It's easier to remember the steps if you practice them a little between classes.
Other person: Practice?!? But that's work! This is supposed to be fun!

Which is fine. You don't have to want it badly enough to be willing to work at it. But you don't get to blame it on a lack of "talent".

That sort of thing really, REALLY bugs me. Unfortunately, a lot of people do draw a false distinction between "learning" and "fun."

I'm sure that we've all been in situations where we've mentioned taking lessons or practicing a routine, only to hear someone say, "Oh, so you're going to be on 'Dancing With The Stars' now?" Now don't get me wrong; I fully understand that people say this in a jokingly light-hearted manner. Still, there's an underlying implication here -- namely, that learning to dance well is something that's unusual, something that's mostly reserved for professional entertainers because it involves work.

A churchmate of mine recently told me about watching an old movie which featured a simple sock hop scene. Her parents were watching too, and they said, "See, that's the sort of dancing we used to do. Back then, everyone learned how to do that. It's not like the twisting and squirming that people call 'dance' nowadays."

To a large extent, we've lost that part of our culture. We've largely lost this notion that learning can be fun. As fascination says, people now tend to think that if something requires effort, it's no longer worth doing, and so people settle for the lowest calibre-- in other words, less than mediocrity.

Now, I'm not saying that everyone needs to learn well, or that the lowest level can never be fun. Rather, I'm just saying that it's unfortunate that people tend to think that if something requires effort and practice, then it's no longer worthwhile.

[Kipling]

After I had been taking dancing lessons for 3 months one of my co-workers said I "must be a regular Fred Astair by now." It is kind of a subtle put-down.

[JustAnotherDancer]

Groups of "young'uns" texting while at a dance...

Yeah, showing my age, aren't I? But seriously, when I was a teen, in college, and at dances, I went to DANCE. And be with the other folks who were at the dances.

I was so very sorely tempted to interrupt their diligent texting and ask why. I'm not sure that they would have heard me, so absorbed they were in the lit-up screens.

[jennyisdancing]

Groups of "young'uns" texting while at a dance...

Yeah, showing my age, aren't I? But seriously, when I was a teen, in college, and at dances, I went to DANCE. And be with the other folks who were at the dances.

I was so very sorely tempted to interrupt their diligent texting and ask why. I'm not sure that they would have heard me, so absorbed they were in the lit-up screens.

Were they texting while actually dancing? Or when taking a break? I've done the latter....don't think it's any big deal, though I wouldn't be texting heavily all night.

[Joe]

Maybe they're trying to coordinate the after-party.

[danceronice]

Or checking Farmville. The reason I don't have a smartphone of any kind, I do not need more access to facebook or to online auctions sites than I already have....

[nucat78]

Or checking Farmville. The reason I don't have a smartphone of any kind, I do not need more access to facebook or to online auctions sites than I already have....

That's ok. You WILL be assimilated. :D

[Kipling]

Does anyone cut in on dances anymore? I can see how that would be a pet peeve on several levels.

"Mind if I cut in?" "Take a number, buddy," or "no, but she does"

[Kipling]

Women at a social dance who only want to dance with the pro and would rather sit out a dance and wait for the pro than dance with me. Pros who spoil women for any other guy.

I'm going to start cutting in on these pros and then watch the fireworks. In another city, of course.

[fascination]

if you think you have trouble getting those women to dance with you now, you will definitively make it worse if you do that

[samina]

That sort of thing really, REALLY bugs me. Unfortunately, a lot of people do draw a false distinction between "learning" and "fun."
IMV, others are free not to enjoy learning but for me, it's my crack. :)

[samina]

nobody cuts in. recipe for disaster, kipling! :)

well, unless it's for fun... like switching partners, playing one lead to two follows, that sorta thing. that's different, tho...common in the hustle world, mebbe salsa too.

[fascination]

fun doesn't also always mean one is gushing the whole time they are learning...my fun is improving...not always short -term pleasant...but is long-term fun

[samina]

i agree. overcoming frustration and limits can be "fun", in that one is whole-heartedly engaged in the moment, and loving the journey...

[danceronice]

That's ok. You WILL be assimilated. :D

Don't hold your breath. ;) I just replaced my first cell phone this winter (it was a Motorola i530 and the battery couldn't hold a charge any more) and the replacement? A Sanyo of...some kind. Is fancy because it has a camera. (I cannot get the photos OFF it, as I don't have a data plan, but it has a camera.) I dithered over a crackberry but realized I'd be paying $70+ a month to waste even more time on the internet.

(I don't have any sort of portable mp3 player or iPod, either.)

[nucat78]

Crackberries are already obsolete. You need an iPhone. And a way to make fire without flint and lint. Heh, heh, heh...

[Joe]

nobody cuts in.
Back in the day the girls in our club had a signal for asking to be cut in on if they got stuck dancing with someone they'd rather not be...they'd mimic scissors by tapping their middle and index fingers together.

[Kipling]

Back in the day the girls in our club had a signal for asking to be cut in on if they got stuck dancing with someone they'd rather not be...they'd mimic scissors by tapping their middle and index fingers together.


LOL. Priceless!

[samina]

Back in the day the girls in our club had a signal for asking to be cut in on if they got stuck dancing with someone they'd rather not be...they'd mimic scissors by tapping their middle and index fingers together.

hah... like

[kckc]

Don't hold your breath. ;) I just replaced my first cell phone this winter (it was a Motorola i530 and the battery couldn't hold a charge any more) and the replacement? A Sanyo of...some kind. Is fancy because it has a camera. (I cannot get the photos OFF it, as I don't have a data plan, but it has a camera.) I dithered over a crackberry but realized I'd be paying $70+ a month to waste even more time on the internet.

(I don't have any sort of portable mp3 player or iPod, either.)


wow, I thought I was the only one! I haven't even replaced my first cell phone yet, only have had it for <3 yrs and I have no intention of getting one of them newfangled fancy phones! Mine has a keyboard and a camera. No iPod, iPad or anything other gadget. And yet I seem to have survived :)

[danceronice]

wow, I thought I was the only one! I haven't even replaced my first cell phone yet, only have had it for <3 yrs and I have no intention of getting one of them newfangled fancy phones! Mine has a keyboard and a camera. No iPod, iPad or anything other gadget. And yet I seem to have survived :)

Amazing, isn't it? I don't have a smartphone or an iPod or an iPad or an mp3 player AND THE WORLD HAS NOT ENDED. (I don't even have a flatscreen TV. The one I have works fine and I'd rather have the floors in the house redone, refinish the kitchen, remodel the guest bath, have the roof reshingled, paint the house...the old TV will work 'til it dies. The laptop is also perfectly adequate as I mostly use it for the internet and WordPerfect--I don't need a touchscreen for that.)

[jjs914]

wow, I thought I was the only one! I haven't even replaced my first cell phone yet, only have had it for <3 yrs and I have no intention of getting one of them newfangled fancy phones! Mine has a keyboard and a camera. No iPod, iPad or anything other gadget. And yet I seem to have survived :)

I too have been refusing to get a data plan. Although I do have an ipod.

Have to say though...feeling tempted now that Verizon has the iphone.

[mindputtee]

I have a question about this little what I see as a grey area of the social dance etiquette. I was dancing with a guy and we had an okay dance and then it ended. He asked me for the next dance as well but I was a little out of breath so I indicated to him that I wanted to get water. I did so and then maybe a half minute or a minute later another guy asked me to dance and by this time I had recovered from the other dance. I had been kind of eyeing this guy all night and wanted to get a chance to dance with him, was it rude of me to accept his invitation even though I hadn't really turned down the dance with the other guy, I had just needed a short break?

[wooh]

That's a grey area. IMO, asking for a second dance in a row is ok, but you shouldn't be able to hold the askee to it if they say no. After all, you aren't giving them a chance to hide from you before you ask. :)

If it was me, I'd probably just say to the guy that asks that I was sitting out this one, but please come get me for the next. I try to err on the side of non-offensive (in dance etiquette, if nothing else). But I don't think you were wrong here, after all, you weren't lying, you needed a break, you took a break.

[mindputtee]

Yeah, and I'm always careful that if I turn someone down for a dance I won't accept anyone else for it, and am pretty good about it. The greyness came in that I had just danced one with him and needed water and if he had waited for me to grab water I would have gladly danced the next with him too, but he kind of disappeared. I hope he found someone else to dance with and didn't notice I was dancing with someone else later on.

I have a big pet peeve about people who don't take care to wear deodorant or brush their teeth though. I'm very sensitive to smells and it could have been the best dance dance wise but if you smell I just can't take it. I'm obsessively eating mints and drinking water at dances because I don't want to have smelly breath. I was dancing with this guy at the last dance I was at and he had the worst breath of anybody I've ever smelled. In latin it wasn't so bad because he was farther away and I couldn't smell it as much but in standard it was awful and I kept trying to get my head position farther and farther out to get away from it.

[nucat78]

I was dancing with this guy at the last dance I was at and he had the worst breath of anybody I've ever smelled. In latin it wasn't so bad because he was farther away and I couldn't smell it as much but in standard it was awful [...]

I'm not saying that anyone should put up with nasty odors, but medical and dental conditions can cause foul breath, periodontal disease being quite noticeable according to DP. Sometimes having an empty stomach can also cause bad breath. Just sayin'...

[Steve Pastor]

I had been kind of eyeing this guy all night and wanted to get a chance to dance with him, was it rude of me to accept his invitation even though I hadn't really turned down the dance with the other guy, I had just needed a short break?
Maybe not exactly rude, but don't be surprised if the other guy whom you had just told you were tired / thirsty never asks you again.
The greyness came in that I had just danced one with him and needed water and if he had waited for me to grab water I would have gladly danced the next with him too, but he kind of disappeared. If you didn't say that to him, how would he know that?
I would interpret "I'm tired and want to get some water" as a polite brush off.

Again, not exactly rude, but with consquences...

[mindputtee]

Maybe not exactly rude, but don't be surprised if the other guy whom you had just told you were tired / thirsty never asks you again.

I hope not, I feel kind of bad now. :oops:

If you didn't say that to him, how would he know that?
I would interpret "I'm tired and want to get some water" as a polite brush off.

Again, not exactly rude, but with consquences...

I have to be honest that I wasn't exactly using words, I was quite winded after that dance. I think I just kind of gasped water and pointed. I need to work on endurance :-(

I'm not saying that anyone should put up with nasty odors, but medical and dental conditions can cause foul breath, periodontal disease being quite noticeable according to DP. Sometimes having an empty stomach can also cause bad breath. Just sayin'...

I know how that can be, and I'm not going to hold it against someone, but it makes it very uncomfortable to dance with them. =\

[Phil Owl]

WOW, this thread is STILL going 8 years later! :mrgreen:

OK, here's one that has recently driven me nuts to the point I stopped going to one particular dance for a while, maybe for good, playing the SAME EXACT SONGS with little to ZERO variation week after week. I think that in part, it's the reason that attendance at this particular social dance has dropped off so badly ((the last couple times I hardly got to dance much), the last few times I went, it was like a ghost town, just needed tumbleweeds and whistling winds to complete the picture. ARRRRRGH! :headwall:

It's a shame really, because the studio has a great staff, excellent location, nice floor with lots of room. but if they keep going like this, I wonder.

I don't know if any of you have seen "Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares" where Gordon dispenses some tough love and helps a failing restaurant turn itself round. I think there needs to be a show like that for dance studios, Len Goodman's Dance Studio Nightmares anyone?

[DancingChristianne]

Great good afternoon!

PhilOwl, that has to be one of the best ideas I've heard in a long, long time! I love it! :banana:

[nucat78]

OK, here's one that has recently driven me nuts to the point I stopped going to one particular dance for a while, maybe for good, playing the SAME EXACT SONGS with little to ZERO variation week after week. [...]

[/B]It's a shame really, because the studio has a great staff, excellent location, nice floor with lots of room. but if they keep going like this, I wonder.


Eeyup. There' s a studio here that uses the same playlist for months on end. It gets to the point that you know exactly what song is coming up next, no matter when you walk in the door.

OTOH, I think the predictability helps some newbs - no surprises, so they aren't frantically trying to figure out what to dance. Well, that and the fact that they usually tell eveyone what type of song it is. ;)

[Phil Owl]

Great good afternoon!

PhilOwl, that has to be one of the best ideas I've heard in a long, long time! I love it! :banana:

Thanks, I can TOTALLY picture Len giving out some of that "tough love"

[Phil Owl]

Eeyup. There' s a studio here that uses the same playlist for months on end. It gets to the point that you know exactly what song is coming up next, no matter when you walk in the door.

OTOH, I think the predictability helps some newbs - no surprises, so they aren't frantically trying to figure out what to dance. Well, that and the fact that they usually tell everyone what type of song it is. ;)


They do announce what kind of dance it is before each song which is perfectly fine, I actually like that. ;) I guess for us intermediate to advanced folks some variety is a good thing too.

[rbazsz]

WOW, this thread is STILL going 8 years later! :mrgreen:

OK, here's one that has recently driven me nuts to the point I stopped going to one particular dance for a while, maybe for good, playing the SAME EXACT SONGS with little to ZERO variation week after week. I think that in part, it's the reason that attendance at this particular social dance has dropped off so badly ((the last couple times I hardly got to dance much), the last few times I went, it was like a ghost town, just needed tumbleweeds and whistling winds to complete the picture. ARRRRRGH! :headwall:

It's a shame really, because the studio has a great staff, excellent location, nice floor with lots of room. but if they keep going like this, I wonder.

I don't know if any of you have seen "Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares" where Gordon dispenses some tough love and helps a failing restaurant turn itself round. I think there needs to be a show like that for dance studios, Len Goodman's Dance Studio Nightmares anyone?

The trend is getting worse because the music tends to be the same songs in the same techno disco style -- or maybe it's because that music all sounds the same. Whatever the case too much of it is being played. It's even creeping into country ballrooms.

This de-evolutionary trend seems to be especially bad wherever West Coast Swing is being played.

[Peaches]

LOL. Reminds me of s0me die-hard traditional milongas I've been to. Combine a limited repertoire, with rules about The Way It Is To Be Done, and the same dj, and leaders of limited skill over whom the music seems to have limited influence beyond establishing the basic beat and there you have it.

[jennyisdancing]

LOL. Reminds me of s0me die-hard traditional milongas I've been to. Combine a limited repertoire, with rules about The Way It Is To Be Done, and the same dj, and leaders of limited skill over whom the music seems to have limited influence beyond establishing the basic beat and there you have it.

Yeah, that sounds familiar ;)

[bordertangoman]

LOL. Reminds me of s0me die-hard traditional milongas I've been to. Combine a limited repertoire, with rules about The Way It Is To Be Done, and the same dj, and leaders of limited skill over whom the music seems to have limited influence beyond establishing the basic beat and there you have it.

and that reminds me of a die hard traditional dj who ignored the liveley set played by a live band and went back to his playlist with no consideration of the energy generated by the band and pretty much killed the milonga for the rest of the evening...

[RoyHarper]

Yes, I'm also baffled by the number of people I talk to at dances, where the conversation goes like this:

Other dancer (to me): You dance well. I wish I could do some of those moves. How do you do that?
Myself: Thanks, I've had great teachers and I have learned a lot from them.
Other dancer: (puzzled, faraway look) You take classes?
Myself: Of course....how else would I learn to dance well?
Other dancer: Oh, I've just picked things up here and there. I don't take classes or anything, it's just for fun.

...

The part I don't get, is when someone clearly does see and appreciate the difference that training can make, and (so far as I know) could probably afford one group class a week, yet they choose not to do it.

A friend and I were talking about a very similar phenomenon recently. I'm talking about folks who only engage in the club-style booty-shaking, and who take pride in the fact that they don't bother with learning latin dances, or ballroom dances, or swing. They say, "It's all about fun for us. We're the kind of people who know how to have fun!"

Now, I'm not saying that it's impossible or improper to have fun just by shaking it around like a Polaroid. A lot of people do genuinely enjoy that sort of thing. (I hasten to emphasize this, simply because this is an occasionally touchy subject and some people tend to be overly quick with their criticisms on the 'net.) However, there's a certain amount of reverse snobbery at play when people treat club-style shaking and grooving as though it's the fun way to dance, while thinking that more skilled dancers are somehow less capable of enjoying themselves.

[nucat78]

[...]I'm talking about folks who only engage in the club-style booty-shaking, and who take pride in the fact that they don't bother with learning latin dances, or ballroom dances, or swing. They say, "It's all about fun for us. We're the kind of people who know how to have fun!"

[...]However, there's a certain amount of reverse snobbery at play when people treat club-style shaking and grooving as though it's the fun way to dance, while thinking that more skilled dancers are somehow less capable of enjoying themselves.

Perhaps some freestylers interpret the sometimes (often?) seen intensity of ballroom and / or Latin dancers as a lack of fun.

[RoyHarper]

Perhaps. Personally though, I think it has more to do with a phenomenon that several other posters have pointed out before -- namely, that if it requires effort to learn or time to develop, then many people will interpret that as "not fun."

[Hock Siew]

I have a question about this little what I see as a grey area of the social dance etiquette. I was dancing with a guy and we had an okay dance and then it ended. He asked me for the next dance as well but I was a little out of breath so I indicated to him that I wanted to get water. I did so and then maybe a half minute or a minute later another guy asked me to dance and by this time I had recovered from the other dance. I had been kind of eyeing this guy all night and wanted to get a chance to dance with him, was it rude of me to accept his invitation even though I hadn't really turned down the dance with the other guy, I had just needed a short break?

I agree that this is a grey area. I wouldn`t mind if I knew that the whole incident was totally innocuous :) I`ve been on the receiving end several times before, but under slightly different circumstances. On those occasions, it was the first dance that I was asking for, but the girl that I had asked said she`d just gotten off the floor and wanted a drink, and that she`ll dance with me after that. She doesn`t come back and I see her dancing with someone else later (can`t remember whether it was the same song). Sometimes with the noise of the music, you can`t clearly hear the other person speaking. So I wasn`t sure if she wanted to come back and dance that same song, or whether she wanted to dance some other song later in the night. Also, I wondered whether she had tried to find me, but couldn`t; in which case I would feel bad about it, eventhough I didn`t go anywhere!

If she had wanted to dance the same song, it could sometimes take a while, waiting for her to come back; especially if she had to get the drink from the bar or if she was side-tracked. On the other hand, if it was not clear whether she intended to dance to that particular song, then I had to wait for her, possibly wasting part of or all of the song. The worse possible scenario would be that I misunderstand and thinks she wants to dance a different song, and go ahead and ask another girl to dance; and it turns out she was looking for me after that and found me dancing with someone else! Has this ever happened to anyone here and how did you take it? I would try to assume that it`s just a misunderstanding; but sometimes, not everyone would.

So now, whenever this happens, I try to make it clear what her intention was. I might say something like "All right, I`ll wait here for you", to let her know that I will be waiting for her; or "Sure, we`ll have a dance later in the night", so that we would both be free to dance with anyone else at that time :)

[Terpsichorean Clod]

I'm reminded of this post from the Declining Dance Invitations (http://danceforums.com/showthread.php?t=7715) thread. :)
I have only ever declined once and that got me in such a mess.
i was dancing the 5th song in a row with someone (let's call him Alex) and he asks me again. I enjoy dancing with him but 6 songs in a row is a bit excessive so asked to sit this one out - but promised the song after.

This meant i now felt obliged to rest during the current song. Meanwhile he dances with someone else and I'm at the bar. At the bar someone (let's say Bob) asks me and I say I'm resting and the song after is promised but the next one after that is definitely his. He smiles and finds someone else.

then ANOTHER guy (let's call him Carl) asks and again I am forced to decline but promise him not the next or the one after, but the one after that...
right, mentally now sorted. Rest this song, then Alex, then Bob then Carl.

except when the next song start, i go to find Alex, ah there he is, but oh, he is still dancing with that girl.... umm.. oh dear... so I go to find Bob - can't find him... or Carl.. the next song starts and I still can't find Bob so I ask Carl .. then notice midway that Bob is watching and this is meant to be HIS dance... oh dear... afterwards I go to find Bob and apologise and offer him a dance. After this dance I look for Alex who complains that I only go find him 5 songs later and am dancing with all and sundry in the meantime..... oh boy, what a confusing night... a queue of none, Alex, Bob, Carl turned into None, None, Carl, Bob, Alex and everyone getting ticked off at me for apparently dancing with someone else during THEIR promised one. My elaborate queueing system was ruined...

so never again will I decline a dance - far too much hassle.

[mindputtee]

Oh wow! Haha. I only decline dances when I'm just too tired to do it. Like when a quickstep comes on right after I've danced a long viennese. I just can't do that. I'm more inclined to tell them to find me for a later dance rather than promising the next or whatever. Or if anything I'll promise them the next of that type of dance that comes on. Other than that for the most part I engage in this:

Of similar value is what I term having a "club club." What is a club club you ask? Well, the same way you can put "the club" on the steering wheel in your car to discourage would be thieves, a club club serves to discourage would be (unwanted) dance partners. Where can I get this remarkable device you ask? Right in your favorite, local venues! How? Simple...just make the appropriate arrangements with a good friend. My club club and i have been helping each other out for years...whether it's grabbing the other for a dance or putting an arm around the other and being in the midst of a deep discussion in the nick of time, there's no replacing a club club. Go out and get one today!

This advertisement has been brought to you by your friendly Dance Forums channel. Tune in next time for more "only a dancer would truly appreciate..." suggestions!

There are just some guys who are creepy and I don't like having to tell them no, so I get a friend to grab me instead when they are headed over, or avoid eye contact as much as possible.

[drejenpha]

There are just some guys who are creepy and I don't like having to tell them no, so I get a friend to grab me instead when they are headed over, or avoid eye contact as much as possible.

We always used the practice of "reminding" someone in our group that they'd promised us this dance (which was non-negotiable). Failing that, we resorted to running for one-another when certain dances came on... it was always sad to get half way across the floor to find my intended partner had already been picked off by the guy I was trying to save her from.