Are good leads/followers intimidating to dance with at first?

[SPratt74]

The reason why I ask this question is because a friend of mine asked me if he was intimidating to dance with this past week. And the reason why he asked me that was, because I told him about how there were a group of girls that absolutely loved him and were asking me about him last Friday night as to which he got a kick out of. But then he asked the question if he was that intimidating to dance with, and the first thought that came to my mind was yes. He's a gorgeous guy that has been dancing since he was a little squirt, so you can imagine how smooth and graceful he is. He got out of ballroom, because it cost too much, but now he's back in it wanting to be a teacher again.

I of course didn't have the heart to tell him that he was in fact intimidating to some of us women that aren't as good as he is. I mean he's the type that if you saw him dance, you would just stop and stare and watch him dance. But again, I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was intimidated by him at first. Not because of his looks, because we have gorgeous guys at our studio, but because I was not advanced like he was. There have only been two men at our studio that really scared me, because I wasn't as good as they were, and I didn't know how they would take on a new beginner like me at the time.

Now, these women had the hots for him, so being intimidated can take on many forms. I know him well enough now to know that he's sweet as can be, and will dance with anyone no matter who they are or what they look like etc., but these women do not know this side of him yet, and were afraid to ask him to dance last weekend. And I only told him the story, because it was really cute. And I know how hard it was for me to ask him to dance, because I in fact waited until a group lesson to dance with him, because I knew that we were the two advanced dancers, and that my instructor would pair us up then, which he did lol. So, I had it easy.

But again... my question to you all is, are there some leads/followers that are intimidating to you for whatever reason at your studio? If you have been dancing for a while, I realize that you get over that, and you just want to dance. But think back to when you were new though, and what you had thought about certain people. That's what I'm talking about. Have fun!

[PasoDancer]

Everyone's intimidating to dance with to me. Teacher, friends, strangers, whatever.

[SPratt74]

Everyone's intimidating to dance with to me. Teacher, friends, strangers, whatever.

Really? See, I used to be really very shy. But now I'm not afraid to ask anyone... unless he is really more advanced than I am. Then I usually turn back to the shy little girl that I used to be for some strange reason lol. ;)

[WorksForShoes]

How about "yes and no"?

If I observe a really good dancer and he asks me to dance, I am probably intimidated at first. Not by him, necessarily, but by my own worries that he will know that I am less experienced than he is and think badly of that, or that he will discover some horrid flaw in my technique that I don't know about and that makes me miserable to dance with. So, I guess I intimidate myself in a way.

A really good leader, however, will put a follower at ease on the dance floor no matter what her level vis-a-vis his. One of our instructors consistently notes that a good leader will start dancing with an unknown partner by dancing a basic and a few low bronze steps, then work his way up until he reaches a level that she enjoys and is comfortable with. And that that may take a couple of dances over an evening to figure out. The leaders who grab a lady (as happened to me about 6 months ago, before we had started silver at all) and say, "I know you dance bronze, but you'll love silver foxtrot" are not good leaders in that they cannot accommodate their partner.

To reverse things, I should point out to beginning leaders that they can be very pleasant to dance with. DH and I assist our instructors with a group Intro to Ballroom class, and I genuinely enjoy dancing with some of the beginning leaders. Sure, they only know three steps, but if they lead well and are relaxed, it is an enjoyable way to spend a 2:20 song.

[SPratt74]

How about "yes and no"?

I'm sorry. I didn't even think of that as an answer! ;)

If I observe a really good dancer and he asks me to dance, I am probably intimidated at first. Not by him, necessarily, but by my own worries that he will know that I am less experienced than he is and think badly of that, or that he will discover some horrid flaw in my technique that I don't know about and that makes me miserable to dance with. So, I guess I intimidate myself in a way.

You made a good point here. I think sometimes we intimidate ourselves more than the person that we are dancing with does. That's easy to do though and especially if you are a perfectionist!

A really good leader, however, will put a follower at ease on the dance floor no matter what her level vis-a-vis his. One of our instructors consistently notes that a good leader will start dancing with an unknown partner by dancing a basic and a few low bronze steps, then work his way up until he reaches a level that she enjoys and is comfortable with. And that that may take a couple of dances over an evening to figure out. The leaders who grab a lady (as happened to me about 6 months ago, before we had started silver at all) and say, "I know you dance bronze, but you'll love silver foxtrot" are not good leaders in that they cannot accommodate their partner.

You make a very good point here too, but the same thing could be said about more advanced partners than just the leaders themselves (even though I know what you mean)! This is why I enjoy going to group lessons though. I know how long the new students have been there, and I know what they are capable of, because I am learning what they are learning at these group lessons (even though I consider myself more advanced then they are due to private lessons with multiple instructors etc.). But I won't show them anything new unless they ask me to teach them a new step (because it's not really my place to say), and if I don't know anything more then I will get an instructor to teach us a new step. But I do this to accommodate their needs and not necessarily my needs, because I think it's important to think of their needs first as the more advanced partner.

To reverse things, I should point out to beginning leaders that they can be very pleasant to dance with. DH and I assist our instructors with a group Intro to Ballroom class, and I genuinely enjoy dancing with some of the beginning leaders. Sure, they only know three steps, but if they lead well and are relaxed, it is an enjoyable way to spend a 2:20 song.

That's true. If I am dancing with a new leader, then I will work on my technical part of dancing to get something out of the dance if I already know the steps. I think that's just as important to work on! ;)

[Shooshoo]

On the contrary, I am very glad to dance with the best leaders. It much more fun. But I generally don't ask guys to dance, but that's not out of intimidation, it's just that most guys have different agendas when it comes to asking girls to dance and I also don't like 'pity' dances.

[latingal]

I've danced a wee bit of standard with a gentleman who is an amazing standard dancer. From the first step - the thing that was going through my mind was....oh my god, I probably feel absolutely terrible to him *mental cringe*. I still feel that way whenever I get the opportunity to dance with him....but he's wonderful - he continues to encourage me and give me a bit of help me when I have "issues".

[tangotime]

Being on both sides of that coin at one time in my life ( student and now teacher ) can clearly remember being " cut in " on during a public dance session in London. to my amazement was the wife of the current world champ. . This was fairly common practice on wed. afternoons when everyone and his brother showed up. and "exscuse me dances "were popular . The dance was q /s , and although being very proficient ( about to turn pro ) I virtually froze in my tracks. all I could dance was q. turns, chasse and lock, once round the floor, she exscused herself with the comment " very nice young man ", whatever that means !, talk about lasting impression . On the pro side, I guess most teachers come across people who feel intrimidated , and have been turned down because they were a teacher ( did she think I was going to throw her over my head ? ) but for all of you faint of hearts , we dont bite ( well, maybe occasionally ) nothing says more about acceptance, than asking some one to dance .

[Peaches]

Absolutely yes.

With very very rare exceptions, it takes me a long time to get comfortable with someone who's a better dancer to the point where I'm not intimidated. It's very frustrating.

Even when they're just starting with basic stuff, all that's going through my head is that they've got to be noticing every little last flaw in everything. And i'm trying to remember the most basic things (what do I do with my left arm?), and failing b/c I'm nervous, and it's just one nasty cycle.

Last weekend I danced a waltz with my AT teacher. I'd never danced sociall with him before, at least not ballroom. I'd only had one ballroom lesson with him, on frame. I literally couldn't figure out my frame--I knew it wasn't AT, but beyond that I was lost. Not a pleasant dance. And this, despite the fact that I've known him for about 8 months and have been taking lessons with him for 4. Go figure.

I love dancing with more advanced leaders, once I get comfortable with them, but that initial period (which seems to be about 6 months) is just pure hell.

[quixotedlm]

Sure, I'm intimidated when I dance with advanced followers.. I would esp. never have the guts to ask the really good dancers who are dancing with the really good dancers all the time... Though time and again I've been told by friends that I shouldn't worry about asking them to dance because they beleive that I'm in that league, I don't feel it in my gut that I'm that advanced and therefore I shirk away from asking...

When I think about it, it's really nuts.. I'm even intimidated to dance with my instructors partner, who has been there since the day I stepped into a ballroom. She would draw me out to dance with her all the time when I was too shy to ask anyone, and she saw me progress from a newbie to being her classmate in salsa classes now... I dance with her 3-4 times a week, but my heart still beats faster and I worry that I might be a fool for even asking her to dance... (and every evidence suggests that she enjoys dancing with me, and at times asks me to help hone her following skills..so why am I scared? :confused: )

So yeah, it is scary as hell to ask someone better than yourself to dance.. and it is only a little less scary to dance with them even if they initiated the asking...

[fascination]

I think everyone is intimidating to dance with at first...then you like to dance with good leads because its easier...then once you are on your way to good but not really good, ya go back to intimidated again...at least I do

[africana]

I used to be, sorta still get intimidated if I like-like the guy heheee
...but I'm usually the intimidator, usually not consciously. but i sometimes use it to my advantage :p

[SPratt74]

Sure, I'm intimidated when I dance with advanced followers.. I would esp. never have the guts to ask the really good dancers who are dancing with the really good dancers all the time... Though time and again I've been told by friends that I shouldn't worry about asking them to dance because they beleive that I'm in that league, I don't feel it in my gut that I'm that advanced and therefore I shirk away from asking...

When I think about it, it's really nuts.. I'm even intimidated to dance with my instructors partner, who has been there since the day I stepped into a ballroom. She would draw me out to dance with her all the time when I was too shy to ask anyone, and she saw me progress from a newbie to being her classmate in salsa classes now... I dance with her 3-4 times a week, but my heart still beats faster and I worry that I might be a fool for even asking her to dance... (and every evidence suggests that she enjoys dancing with me, and at times asks me to help hone her following skills..so why am I scared? :confused: )

So yeah, it is scary as hell to ask someone better than yourself to dance.. and it is only a little less scary to dance with them even if they initiated the asking...

Lol! You remind me of my new practice partner lol. I got the biggest kick out of him, because he was shy and did everything that you did. But I understood where that was coming from, and wouldn't you know that he started teaching me some Latin moves that I couldn't get before last night!!! So, our deal is that I teach him WCS (since I'm better at the Swing), and he teaches me Latin! I think it's great! And I tell him all of the time how impressed I am with him since he's only been at this a month now! Very cool! :D