For those who are married to their dance partner...

[DancingMommy]

Has marriage changed the way you relate on/off the floor?

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I know that in our case, we tend to argue *less* now that we're married than we ever did before. I don't know if that's because the longer we're together we know more about each other or what, but it seems to be the case.

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Yet another topic for SDSalsaGuy's research :lol:

[DanceMentor]

We used to argue more (about dancing) than we do now. I met my wife when she came in to take lessons. As the relationship progresses, it was not a good arrangement to be her teacher. She would sometimes resent me trying to be "the expert". Once I realized the what was happening when we practiced together, I had to change my behavior. It's difficult to break out of "teaching mode" sometimes. Now my wife has become a wonderful dancer and she sometimes TELLS ME what I'm doing wrong. :wink: We've been doing a lot more dancing now. :D

[DancingMommy]

As the relationship progresses, it was not a good arrangement to be her teacher. She would sometimes resent me trying to be "the expert". Once I realized the what was happening when we practiced together, I had to change my behavior. It's difficult to break out of "teaching mode" sometimes. Now my wife has become a wonderful dancer and she sometimes TELLS ME what I'm doing wrong. :wink: We've been doing a lot more dancing now. :D

OH SO TRUE! That has happened to me. I'd get the eyeroll and the "Well YOU're the teacher... You should know better" thing. UGH! I try to take all the blame now (not my personality). It actually works in reverse. I take the blame and he tells me "It's not your fault... I'm the one leading"... Hehehehhehe But then, since I've been pregnant/sick, he's been the one taking all the lessons. Our coach has really grilled him since I've been out.

[Adwiz]

We've only been dancing for a couple of years but we've been married for 20, and dancing has certainly provided some interesting changes in our relationship, most of them positive.

We both have some dancing in our background, but my wife used to be a champion in other dance forms. She's a bit of a perfectionist and tends to see any suggestion to do something differently as a potential criticism so I have to be really careful how I suggest changes to a routine. Also, because she's such a natural dancer she's usually the one giving me pointers and I've learned (mostly) to put my male ego thing behind me and listen. That whole process has humbled me and has certainly helped our relationship.

Since recreational companionship is such a significant need for men (second most important according to studies), dancing with a spouse does help a marriage because it meets the man's need and the woman's need for companionship.

Where I found the challenges lie are in three areas:

First, dancing with other partners is kind of awkward. We do it at dance parties but there never fails to be a sense of not guilt but questioning when we do. If she gets asked to dance I'm fine with it, but she'll feel a little uncomfortable that I may just sit there by myself. Likewise, I may want to dance with another woman but I'm certainly not going to leave her sitting alone while do. Yet dancing with other people is a vital part of growing as a dancer, so this is an interesting phenomenon.

Second, since we are competitive, there are fascinating tensions surrounding both our training and our competition. I think competing is far more difficult for a married couple than it is for unrelated partners. My wife is unusually gracious, and there's no sense of blame when we screw up in a competitive event, but I think the sense of responsibility or feeling that you've let down the other party is much greater in a married relationship when a mistake is made.

Third, because of our competition training, we've seen tensions surrounding our training schedule. I'm very competitive and train hard, at least 10 hours per week. But my wife is much more relaxed about her schedule so I'm often training alone. This sometimes makes me feel as if she's not serious about winning. While we don't fight or argue, it has created some interesting frustrations. I'm going to start another thread on partnering for married couples, because I'd like to know how others handle this.