Competing with a partner you're not married to?

[Adwiz]

My wife and I have been married for 20 years and enjoy dancing and competing together. It's been good for our marriage.

However, we're now at a kind of crossroads. I'm serious about moving up the ladder in competition and train hard, about 10 hours per week plus continuing group lessons. My goal is to win because I'm a very competitive person. My wife is much more relaxed about it and in particular doesn't want to ever compete in the Standard dances.

So we've been talking about whether I should get another partner for competition. It's an interesting topic and kind of uncomfortable in a number of ways.

We have met one couple who does that: both dance together socially while the husband competes with another partner.

I'd like to hear from others who have experienced that. Does it work? How does it affect the marriage relationship? What kind of tensions can be expected?

[Vince A]

Hi Adwiz,
Although I dance socially with my wife and dance better with her than anyone else . . . we keep it fun and compete with our own Pros.

We have competed before togehter, but had a tendancy to sometimes argue over minor dance-related technicalities. We ARE planning to once again dance with each other.

I dance with my Pro and have had no problems from my wife.

My wife dances with her Pro and she receives no problems from me. I actually had to go to one of her practices and reassure her Pro that he can put his hands on her, look at her lovingly during dances, and "it's OK with me if his hands sometimes grab a boob or two. It happens, and I know it's not intentional! He felt better after I chided him about it!

Neither of you should have any jealousies . . . so, what's holding you back. You will spend dance time apart from each other, and you will spend time dancing with someone else other than your wife.

Lastly, I advise taking your privates/lessons at separate studios or at separate times from each other. Don't go together, but sometimes schedules do cross one another!

[emanuela]

My wife dances with her Pro and she receives no problems from me. I actually had to go to one of her practices and reassure her Pro that he can put his hands on her, look at her lovingly during dances, and "it's OK with me if his hands sometimes grab a boob or two. It happens, and I know it's not intentional! He felt better after I chided him about it!



.... :lol: I'm having a blast reading these old threads! ... :lol: You'll are too funny! :lol:

[Laura]

I'm married to a non-dancer. My competition partner's SO is also a non-dancer. It works out great for all four of us.

[emanuela]

I'm married to a non-dancer. My competition partner's SO is also a non-dancer. It works out great for all four of us.
I'm hoping one day I'll find a partner like that too ...

[Joe]

Sometimes competing with a non-spouse is better for a marriage than competing with a spouse.

[pygmalion]

:lol: :lol: I was wondering if anyone was going to say it.

[twnkltoz]

My husband only does WCS, so I compete ballroom with my brother (pro-am)! Works out pretty well, 'cause there's no worry of anything inproprietous happening. ;)

However, we did talk about the possibility of my getting a pro partner to compete. We discussed what the limits would be, that he would need to get to know the guy, etc. We have a very solid relationship, so neither of us is likely to stray, but it's also smart to have some groundrules.

[swan]

I'm married to a non-dancer. My competition partner's SO is also a non-dancer. It works out great for all four of us.
I'm hoping one day I'll find a partner like that too ...

That's the tough part...All my ex-partners, their other half invariably became "THE" issue...My better half, well, in another thread, we've already established that he's a Saint :lol:

I may be having some luck with the potential new partner (yes, I'm having few try outs... :)) I can't wait to have a partnership that's more stable and we can talk more about dance than try to sort out the other parties' off the floor personal issues...

[Medira]

I'd just be happy with a partner right now. I'm dancing with my instructor and he's just fabulous, but it's not as if I can just call him up and we can go out and practice sometime... *shakefist @ anti-fraternization policies*

[Egoist]

I would think that since she is also a dancer and knows what competitive dancing really is about that she'd have no objection to you competing with someone else.

[sunderi]

My husband and I are both working towards competing with other partners. We figured it would be better for our marriage to keep the competition out of it. (Of course, we will eventually be competing AGAINST each other, and that might be interesting, too!) :lol:

[pygmalion]

Maybe you two could enter different comps? :roll: :lol:

[sunderi]

Actually, it's serving as EXCELLENT motivation. ;)

Both my husband and his partner are more experienced than my partner and I. So, we're already feeling the pressure to keep up. It really gives us motivation to stay after and practice when we're tired, or to hit the gym during the day, because we know we already have a deficit to make up, and we don't want to get creamed by them! :lol:

[pygmalion]

That sounds like a lot of pressure on you and your partner, sunderi. You're hubby and partner have a huge advantage. I can understand not wanting to get creamed, but hey! Experience does help a lot, right? Are you being fair to yourself?

[sunderi]

Yeah, we're trying not to let the pressure get to us.

It's actually not a bad situation -- when we lose, we'll think, "Well, ok, they've been doing this a lot longer than we have". But, if we win, we get to say, "And they've been doing this longer than we have!" :wink:

[pygmalion]

Sounds like a win-win to me. If you win, you win. If you lose, you win. :wink: :lol:

[dancingirldancing]

Does anyones life partner get jealous/suspicious with your dance partner ?

How do you address it ?

[Standarddancer]

That's the tough part...All my ex-partners, their other half invariably became "THE" issue...My better half, well, in another thread, we've already established that he's a Saint :lol:

I may be having some luck with the potential new partner (yes, I'm having few try outs... :)) I can't wait to have a partnership that's more stable and we can talk more about dance than try to sort out the other parties' off the floor personal issues...

Did you split swan?

[Standarddancer]

It's quite common in the competitive world that people partner with someone who's not their s/o...also there are also people partner with their s/o, either way could be working, depends on the person and how dancing is working out...

[NUdancer]

I haven't ever been involved with a dance partner, but I know a couple of people who have danced a lot with their significant other, and there is a real sweetness and loving touch to their dancing that I certainly don't have with my dance partner. It's beautiful to see, even if they are not as highly trained.

On the other hand, I don't think I could do it. I really value my time on the floor with my dance partner because it's my opportunity to do something for myself and work on my own thing. Maybe I'd feel differently under other circumstances.

As it is, the current non-dancer boy has no qualms about my dancing, but still comes to all my competitions to cheer me on

Compare with a previous boyfriend who not only didn't like that I was dancing with someone else (and my partner was engaged to someone else, so it was totally unfounded) but when I offered to wait and dance with him, he would promptly declare that he wasn't into that sort of dancing and would never do it. Needless to say, that did not last.

[WaltzElf]

Whatever you do don't dance with someone if you or your partner has a SO if there's any risk of things becoming personal.


Otherwise you'll be fine. It's just dancing, then, as long as your SO is ok with it.



What really sucks is when you're hell keen on your dance partner and she either has a SO, or is just plain not interested. Makes the Tango an interesting exercise, though.

[swan]

Did you split swan?

No, that's a really really old reply. I'm happily staying partnered at the moment :) We just turned pro & you saw us :)

[Standarddancer]

oh then I'm relieved, swan;) you guys looked good, hate to see couples split...

yap understand your pain of having partners have personal "issues" so not able to focusing on dancing related issues...nondancing s/o's could be annoying if they don't show understanding:(

[wooh]

Does anyones life partner get jealous/suspicious with your dance partner ?

How do you address it ?

Probably a good first step is to be open and honest with your life partner. A good start to that is not pursuing life dreams in other countries without telling your life partner. If you can't do that, then you've got bigger problems than dance related ones.

[dancingirldancing]

Wooh, you got me there :) BUT the thing with being honest is that your SO can just say NO. He hasn't really said NO because I have not really asked but he is the kind of person who once saying NO really means it. Not negotiable.

What then ? Either I stop dancing or I break up with my SO.

Considering we have been together for over 10 years I probably choose the former.

I really have to approach it carefully.

[samina]

We just turned pro

Congrats and good luck, swan!!! :)

[dancingirldancing]

I have good news, DH actually suggested I find a partner (with my pushing actually).

Making it sounds like it is his idea work out well actually !

Now, I just have to hunt for a partner...

[mamboqueen]

Congrats and good luck, swan!!! :)

ditto -- good luck to you!

[dancingirldancing]

Forgot to add congrats swan !

[Standarddancer]

I have good news, DH actually suggested I find a partner (with my pushing actually).

Making it sounds like it is his idea work out well actually !

Now, I just have to hunt for a partner...

oh this sounds good!!! He's showing his understanding and support ! Good start!