Predatory Partner Development

[pygmalion]

Oh my gosh! I met a man. Just a friend, mind you. Just a friend. Almost 50 years old with musical taste just like mine. A sweet, sensitive guy who has taste a lot like mine, religiously, morally, musically ... And whose experiences parallel mine in many ways.

And he wants to learn ballroom dance. Has been interested all his life., but couldn't because of family responsibilities

I can't help thinking he'd be a perfect dance partner. Not a life partner, because he still loves his ex-wife. (Which makes it even better, because I don't want a boyfriend -- just a dance partner :lol: ) But still ...


How and where do you draw the line in terms of potential dance partners? Do you pounce at the earliest opportunity? Or do you wait? And how long?


But ... what about ethics? Is it okay to do what I'm tempted to do, and just choose a naive newbie and "make" them dance with you?

The down side? He loves hustle. :shock: lol.

[waltzgirl]

Pounce!

Why not? I don't get the ethical concern. If he's just starting, you'll be a big help by practicing with him.

Are you thinking of him as a competitive partner? If so, then I'd say definitely go for it now, because if word gets around he wants to compete amateur, he'll be a hot commodity. There's never any guarantee whether/how long a partnership is going to work out, so I don't see why you shouldn't try this one out now.

[pygmalion]

To be perfectly honest with you, this guy is so great!! So great, as a person, even though he doesn't know it. He has rhythm. He has good taste in music. He already dances club dances. He just wants to learn ballroom. And he's become a friend of mine, in a totally non-dance context.

I think I'll introduce him to the dance studio I attend. Just to see what he says about the exhibition/spotlight dances. :cool:

[mamboqueen]

Ditto! Pounce! And what is wrong with a man who likes the hustle??? *tap tap tap*

[delamusica]

Grab him! Practice with him!

Raise him up right, and turn him into the fantastic partner that he can be. :)

[waltzgirl]

He sounds great! Have you danced with him yet?

[pygmalion]

Danced ... and sung. Dancing? Well. He's a Texas redneck guy, and kinda self-conscious. But he has rhythm.

Singing? Oh my goodness. This guy has music in his heart. He will dance. For sure, he will dance. :cool: :)

[Larinda McRaven]

How and where do you draw the line in terms of potential dance partners? Do you pounce at the earliest opportunity? Or do you wait? And how long?

I don't get what the problem is...?

[pygmalion]

The question is whether I should just leave him alone to develop on his own or whether I should take an active role in his dance (as a partner, perhaps.) If I bowed out, there's a 95% chance he'd end up dancing anyway. But here I am, a Henry Higgins, wanting him to make him dance right now, to my spec.

But I want him to dance because he wants to dance, not necessarily because he wants to dance with me.

It's kind of a tough tightrope to walk, because ... well. Just because.

I think I'll invite him to the ballroom social next Friday. :wink: :)

[Laura]

POUNCE! That is the only way I got any of the ones I've had over the years!

[SDsalsaguy]

Jenn, if dance is really somethinh he has wanted to do and is heading towards on his own anyway, then your "pouncing," while perhaps predatory from your perspectic, would likely be an almost priceless boost from his. Translation: you go girl! :wink:

[pygmalion]

Maybe I'll pounce subtly. He's so wide-eyed and innocent, when it comes to ballroom, that I'd probably feel guilty, down the line, if I influenced things unduly.

On the other hand, he can sing and dance ... and he's not ashamed to do either. AND he wants to learn ballroom. I'd be crazy to keep hands totally off. Nobody else will. 'Cause he's cute, in a cowboy-ish kinda way. :wink: I'm not interested in romance, but hey. Someone who is will probably grab him as a partner, if I don't.

[ChaChaMama]

Please pounce. It's not really even pouncing. Someone told you he's interested in something which you already do and which REQUIRES two people to do. You are available to do it with him. Sounds like a win-win.

It's not like you are converting him to some freaky religion which requires him to give vast quantities of money to the church. (Of course, he may wind up tithing his ballroom dance teacher, but that will be out of passion for dance, not coercion!)

Similarly, it's not like you are planning to submit forms for ten upcoming competitions immediately and get him feeling that he can't back out without disappointing you.

I see almost no downsides to this. Worst case scenario: he doesn't like it and feels like he's disappointing you when he quits. Not that bad.

ChaChaMama

[Peaches]

I still don't get why you're still debating this. Sounds like you need a good swift kick in the pants, to me.

Pounce already! He's a big boy--treat him fairly and be up front with your concerns and let him make the call. Don't sit here wringing your hands to us--talk to the man!

On second thought, scratch that. Dance with the man!

[delamusica]

I still don't get why you're still debating this. Sounds like you need a good swift kick in the pants, to me.

Peaches, this thread is the kick in the pants! :)

[Peaches]

Peaches, this thread is the kick in the pants! :)

Yeah, I'd kind of thought that when I started reading it...but then she came back and posted again with more doubts. Apparently, we're not kicking a)hard enough, b)often enough, c)both.

Silly woman!

[delamusica]

Silly woman!

Indeed!

Hear that, pygmalion? Consider your pants kicked!! :p

[pygmalion]

Ouch! (unrestrained giggling from the peanut gallery aka me. ) I'll talk to him today. :D

[MacMoto]

It's not like you are converting him to some freaky religion which requires him to give vast quantities of money to the church. (Of course, he may wind up tithing his ballroom dance teacher, but that will be out of passion for dance, not coercion!)
Well dance is a bit like some freaky religion isn't it? You become totally obsessed, talk non-stop about it, lose contact with your non-dance friends, devote a big chunk of your time and disposal income to it... but hey, he's the one who wants to convert :lol:. Make his wish come true, girl.

[Joe]

Pounce!
QFT.

[Twilight_Elena]

I'll go with the mob and say... pounce. It's now or never, and you're not the kind of person who would suffocate his development anyway. I'm sure you will do him good and you will find a nice guy for a partner. Which is more than some 18 year olds I know can say about their partner quest. :rolleyes:

T_E

[Joe]

Anyone we know? ;)

[Another Elizabeth]

It's not like you are converting him to some freaky religion which requires him to give vast quantities of money to the church.
Unless she introduces him to pro-am...
:: duck and run ::

[mamboqueen]

Unless she introduces him to pro-am...
:: duck and run ::


you best run fast, mama!

[Twilight_Elena]

Anyone we know? ;)

Who, me? Um. My dog ate my homework? :lol:

T_E

[Twilight_Elena]

It's not like you are converting him to some freaky religion which requires him to give vast quantities of money to the church.

Hmm. If you changed "church" to "dance studio", it would actually be true. ;)

T_E

[quixotedlm]

[C.r.a.p!! I wrote a lengthy reply, and for some stupid reason clicked the X button on IE and lost it. Here I go again]


Have you considered the risks?


He may turn out to be an awful dancer, inspite of the prodigal signs. 'Breaking up' from the 'partnership' would be really awkward, esp. if he is a friend. It would be even more so difficult if he doesn't realize that he sucks and thinks that the partnership is going great while you are having an awful time. He wouldn't even understand why you want to break-up!
Are you sure you don't have latent romantic intentions with this guy? Maybe you know that you don't want to be his rebound girl yet, but maybe you are secretly hoping that he will slowly transform into your ideal Prince Charming, and you think you have a shot at creating that creature of perfection. In short, are you sure you are not doing what ancient Greek Goddesses did - i.e. play Goddess towards the object of their affections and mess around with their destinies? Are you sure you are not already falling in love? (Okay, maybe at an intellectual level you are being honest when you say that you don't want a relationship, but that's not the same think as saying that deep down within, we all have the same emotional makeup that our intellect projects us to be)
What's your plan if he gets over his wife and becomes interested in you? Esp. what if you are not interested (as you profess now). In general, have you given thought to unrequited romantic desires from either direction, and whether you want to open yourself up to such a possibility?
If he is your dance partner, you'll have to spend plenty of time helping him become better. This means taking time away from other partners you meet in dance socials. It could potentially mean less enjoyment for you while he is growing up. It could also mean that several dancers will slowly drift away from you now, if they see that you are 'with' someone all the time. Only few guys feel that it is okay to ask a girl to dance who seem to 'prefer' one guy over everyone else. It esp. only works when the guys know you well and know that it is okay to ask you to dance.So I'm really not concerned about the ethics of the situation. But maybe you should think it through from a practical stand point before making any commitments ?

Honestly, I really don't understand why anyone who is intermediate or advanced would want to partner up with someone who hasn't ever danced before.To me, finding someone with matching skill levels and similar aspirations and good potential is more important for partnership that having similar likes/dislikes/morals etc. I find it very easy to become friends with those who don't share my morals or tastes. There is _always_ something common even among disparate people that can form the basis of friendships. The difficulty only arises when the intentions are more than friendly. :)

[alemana]

(agreed. i don't think it's an ethical concern per se, as much as a question of reason and of honesty. is it RATIONAL to try to train a beginner to catch up to you? and is it HONEST to say your interest is purely dance-related?)

[Laura]

I took on a complete beginner once. He had Lindy Hop experience, but no Standard at all. He was brilliant, and 2 1/2 months after starting, we danced bronze-level routines in a closed syllabus (bronze-through-gold-combined) event -- and came in 3rd place (out of 9). That was his first ballroom competition ever.

Unfortunately for me, he was interested in a lot of things besides ballroom dancing, and so the partnership only lasted for about seven months. We had some really good results in that time, though -- once came in second in a Novice event, still just dancing our bronze-level routines.

So, it can be done. But be prepared for the bright flames to be flashes in the pan. I was completely devaststed when he quit (he quit by dropping me off after a competition that we didn't do so well in and then never speaking to me again). That took me a good long while to get over....

[SexyMan2Cha]

I wouldn't take the word "partner" so seriously. He's new to dancing, just practice with him and see how he progresses. If he's hanging in well after 6 months to a year than I would consider the "partner" idea. Ps, sounds like someone has a little crush... haha

Btw, am I the only who has never used or even heard of the word pounce before??

[delamusica]

Well, it sounds like he didn't do leaving the best way ever.

I picked up a newbie as a partner once - we did one competition - did decent in bronze, and he decided not to dance anymore. Which was fine. It was fun for the couple of months it lasted - I was happy to be dancing (even just bronze) with an amateur my age (hard to find in CO) - and even though I was harboring a small crush (and he was too, but were both to chicken to make the first move - c'est la vie), we were friends for quite some time after that, and eventually just grew apart. No devestation on either end.

Even with an experienced partner, there's never any guarantee that it'll last more than a few months or so, so I don't know why that should be a big deterrent.

[pygmalion]

Yep. Nothing lasts forever. :cool:

And to those who think I'm crushin' ... well ... I hate to disappoint, but I'm not. Acknowledging beauty is not quite the same thing as wanting to jump beauty's bones. Usually. :rolleyes: :lol:

Truth be told, I think this guy could be could be a friend of mine for a lifetime. Not a boyfriend or potential boyfriend. Just a friend. But a good, deeply felt friend. I feel really good about that.

That said, who was it? alemana, maybe? Or was it waltzgirl? I think the suggestion of working with my friend-who's-a -guy as a practice partner is a good suggestion. Maybe things will change down the road. But, for now, he and I can both have fun. Dancing. What could be better than that? :wink:

[SPratt74]

Honestly, I really don't understand why anyone who is intermediate or advanced would want to partner up with someone who hasn't ever danced before.To me, finding someone with matching skill levels and similar aspirations and good potential is more important for partnership that having similar likes/dislikes/morals etc. I find it very easy to become friends with those who don't share my morals or tastes. There is _always_ something common even among disparate people that can form the basis of friendships. The difficulty only arises when the intentions are more than friendly. :)

Hmm... I agreed with you all the way up until this paragraph. My dance partner and I still dance with everyone even though at times I wish we just danced together (i.e. group lessons). And I was more advanced than he was starting out. However, he is training to be a teacher, and I saw the potential that he had, and paired up with him when he asked me to. I'm glad that I did, because I've had a hard time learning the Latin dances whereas last night I finally got a move down that I wouldn't have if he didn't teach me it his way. I had always said that he would probably be the best Latin/Swing male dancer that we have, and sure enough... he's got the steps down more than I do right now. But we won't split up cause I'm not as advanced as he is now. Goodness knows that I mentioned how I wanted a new partner after he got smart and tried to grind with me last night lol and how I've never seen any guys eyes get so big lol. Man did he let me have it lol. So, I don't agree with you there. But I do agree with you about the other things to consider.

[SPratt74]

But a good, deeply felt friend.

In other words, you mean a friend with benefits lol? :raisebro:

Sorry, but that's the first thought that came to my mind after reading your post. Actually, I haven't read all of it yet, because I had to make this smart reply lol. :p

[Peaches]

Hmm. If you changed "church" to "dance studio", it would actually be true. ;)

T_E

Nah...churches don't take credit cards for your tithe.

('Course, it's been a veeeery long time since I've been to church for anything other than a funeral, so maybe things have changed. Egad.)

[newdancer113]

[quote=quixotedlm][C.r.a.p!! I wrote a lengthy reply, and for some stupid reason clicked the X button on IE and lost it. Here I go again]


Have you considered the risks?

He may turn out to be an awful dancer, inspite of the prodigal signs. 'Breaking up' from the 'partnership' would be really awkward, esp. if he is a friend. It would be even more so difficult if he doesn't realize that he sucks and thinks that the partnership is going great while you are having an awful time. He wouldn't even understand why you want to break-up!
Are you sure you don't have latent romantic intentions with this guy? Maybe you know that you don't want to be his rebound girl yet, but maybe you are secretly hoping that he will slowly transform into your ideal Prince Charming, and you think you have a shot at creating that creature of perfection. In short, are you sure you are not doing what ancient Greek Goddesses did - i.e. play Goddess towards the object of their affections and mess around with their destinies? Are you sure you are not already falling in love? (Okay, maybe at an intellectual level you are being honest when you say that you don't want a relationship, but that's not the same think as saying that deep down within, we all have the same emotional makeup that our intellect projects us to be)
What's your plan if he gets over his wife and becomes interested in you? Esp. what if you are not interested (as you profess now). In general, have you given thought to unrequited romantic desires from either direction, and whether you want to open yourself up to such a possibility?
If he is your dance partner, you'll have to spend plenty of time helping him become better. This means taking time away from other partners you meet in dance socials. It could potentially mean less enjoyment for you while he is growing up. It could also mean that several dancers will slowly drift away from you now, if they see that you are 'with' someone all the time. Only few guys feel that it is okay to ask a girl to dance who seem to 'prefer' one guy over everyone else. It esp. only works when the guys know you well and know that it is okay to ask you to dance.So I'm really not concerned about the ethics of the situation. But maybe you should think it through from a practical stand point before making any commitments ?

:)


quote]

Any of these risks could apply to any partneship (unless it's a straight/gay partnership..then the potential romantic risks wouldn't!).

If you don't take him to a studio this week and help him find an instructor, I will! Sounds like it would be wise not to count on him for a competition partner for while...until he starts to catch up to you and decides he wants to comptete. But I would be the one to help him find a teacher, and spend some time practicing with him.

[PasoDancer]

Don't listen to the egos. That kind of friend is very hard to come by, and harder to keep if you let external factors govern what should be about YOU and the other person.

[SPratt74]

Any of these risks could apply to any partneship (unless it's a straight/gay partnership..then the potential romantic risks wouldn't!).

If you don't take him to a studio this week and help him find an instructor, I will! Sounds like it would be wise not to count on him for a competition partner for while...until he starts to catch up to you and decides he wants to comptete. But I would be the one to help him find a teacher, and spend some time practicing with him.

That's very true. That's also why I decided that anyone no matter if I think that they are cute or not is getting a business card with my instructor's name on it, so that they can call up the instructor if they don't want to come with me at the time. Sometimes a person decides to do things when you least expect them to not when you want them to. But I've been finding out that by handing out my instructor's business cards has brought in a lot of business for the studio and/or at least gets our name out. Also, I tend to put my name on the back of his business cards, so that he can call me if he feels the need for me to come, and it also gives me free dance lessons etc.

[pygmalion]

Don't listen to the egos. That kind of friend is very hard to come by, and harder to keep if you let external factors govern what should be about YOU and the other person.

PD. Your supportive comments mean more to me than I can say. I think you're absolutely right. A lot of people probably won't accept what I say. But this guy is really special to me, while not being attractive to me, as a potential conquest. There's no physical or romantic attraction, while, I have to admit, there is mutual acknowledgement of ... well, you know. lol.

But Lord-ha'-mercy. I've rarely connected to another person emotionally the way I do to him.

A testament to his openness, honesty and courage.

I'm blessed to have him as a friend. And blessed to introduce him to the world of ballroom dance. Whatever happens next happens. But I'll always be his friend. Period.

[PasoDancer]

I understand more than I'm able to admit what you mean. I also know what it's like to lose someone like that through my own idiocy. That's why I'm saying to at least try. If it doesn't work, you'll at least know.

[pygmalion]

Yeah. :? :cool:

[PasoDancer]

I get so tired of people not being able to comprehend a heterosexually platonic relationship (nobody here, don't worry, I'm just ranting about local mentality again). If you're friends with the opposite sex, you have to marry them. Have babies. You're "weird" if you don't, and HE's "a queer" if HE doesn't want to marry you. Such crap. No wonder there's a lot of hybrid bitch vigor rampant.

[africana]

Paso I'd like you to go tell that to the recent crop that have invaded the salsa board :lol:

everything just has to be about sex and mating :roll:

anways Pyg, no pressures, whatever you decide to do, play it cool, don't make it a big deal

[pygmalion]

I get so tired of people not being able to comprehend a heterosexually platonic relationship (nobody here, don't worry, I'm just ranting about local mentality again). If you're friends with the opposite sex, you have to marry them. Have babies. You're "weird" if you don't, and HE's "a queer" if HE doesn't want to marry you. Such crap. No wonder there's a lot of hybrid bitch vigor rampant.


Wow. Yeah. I can see how it could be very frustrating to have people misjudge your relationship, especially if that misjudgment led to your losing someone you loved. So unnecessary. :?

I don't feel a lot of anger around the issue, though. I know how things are with me, and don't really need anybody else to understand. People see what they see. There's nothing I can do about that. *shrug*

As abstract as it may sound, though, I also think it's related to our language. In English, there's one word, love. That's supposed to cover everything. In some other languages, there are multiple words for love -- erotic love, brotherly love, principled love, and so on. So it's not all that surprising to me that people get things mixed up, sometimes. In English, there's no word for a woman who loves a man but doesn't want to jump his bones. So eh. People aren't all that comfortable with the idea. That's okay. :cool:


That said, I'm kinda disappointed that this thread is still about me, two pages later. I thought there were some universal ideas in there -- like how soon is it safe to pursue partnership, and whether partnering a newbie is a good idea for a more experienced dancer -- who benefits the most, and so on and so on. It's not about me, really. :wink:

[pygmalion]

anways Pyg, no pressures, whatever you decide to do, play it cool, don't make it a big deal

Yeah. My thoughts exactly. :cool: :)

[africana]

As abstract as it may sound, though, I also think it's related to our language. In English, there's one word, love. That's supposed to cover everything. In some other languages, there are multiple words for love -- erotic love, brotherly love, principled love, and so on. So it's not all that surprising to me that people get things mixed up, sometimes. In English, there's no word for a woman who loves a man but doesn't want to jump his bones. So eh. People aren't all that comfortable with the idea. That's okay. :cool: "Ayuh" to quote DP

[Twilight_Elena]

As abstract as it may sound, though, I also think it's related to our language. In English, there's one word, love. That's supposed to cover everything. In some other languages, there are multiple words for love -- erotic love, brotherly love, principled love, and so on. So it's not all that surprising to me that people get things mixed up, sometimes. In English, there's no word for a woman who loves a man but doesn't want to jump his bones. So eh. People aren't all that comfortable with the idea. That's okay. :cool:

Yay for Greek! There are indeed MANY words about different kinds of love. There are two main distinctions I've had trouble with in English: "erotas" (or "eros" in ancient Greek) and "agapi". The first is erotic love, but not in the stictly sexual meaning of the word. Something "erotic" in English is something sexually passionate. Not so sexual in Greek. It's... meh. I really can't put it in words. The closest I can think of is the english phrase "inlove". That's "erotas".
"Agapi" is something that has nothing to do with sex. You can use the word for parental/sibling love, love for your child, your friend, your SO. To my ears, it's a much kinder word than "eros". *shrug*
[/glossological hijack]

T_E

[DancePoet]

Oh my gosh! I met a man. Just a friend, mind you. Just a friend. Almost 50 years old with musical taste just like mine. A sweet, sensitive guy who has taste a lot like mine, religiously, morally, musically ... And whose experiences parallel mine in many ways.

And he wants to learn ballroom dance. Has been interested all his life., but couldn't because of family responsibilities

I can't help thinking he'd be a perfect dance partner. Not a life partner, because he still loves his ex-wife. (Which makes it even better, because I don't want a boyfriend -- just a dance partner :lol: ) But still ...


How and where do you draw the line in terms of potential dance partners? Do you pounce at the earliest opportunity? Or do you wait? And how long?


But ... what about ethics? Is it okay to do what I'm tempted to do, and just choose a naive newbie and "make" them dance with you?
The difference in skill level could likely create issues somewhere along the line. Is there a plan to address such issues?

Operating ethically might make sense, too. It's like any other kind of partnership, why be misleading or untruthful?

[DancePoet]

The question is whether I should just leave him alone to develop on his own or whether I should take an active role in his dance (as a partner, perhaps.) If I bowed out, there's a 95% chance he'd end up dancing anyway. But here I am, a Henry Higgins, wanting him to make him dance right now, to my spec.

But I want him to dance because he wants to dance, not necessarily because he wants to dance with me.

It's kind of a tough tightrope to walk, because ... well. Just because.

I think I'll invite him to the ballroom social next Friday. :wink: :)
Ah ... I'm beginning to suspect there could be more going on here. ;)

[DancePoet]

QFT.
Quickstep, Foxtrot, Tango ... ?

:lol:

[DancePoet]

Yep. Nothing lasts forever. :cool:

And to those who think I'm crushin' ... well ... I hate to disappoint, but I'm not. Acknowledging beauty is not quite the same thing as wanting to jump beauty's bones. Usually. :rolleyes: :lol:

Truth be told, I think this guy could be could be a friend of mine for a lifetime. Not a boyfriend or potential boyfriend. Just a friend. But a good, deeply felt friend. I feel really good about that.
The friendship thing could depend on whether or not both of your definitions of being a friend match. ;)

[SPratt74]

I get so tired of people not being able to comprehend a heterosexually platonic relationship (nobody here, don't worry, I'm just ranting about local mentality again). If you're friends with the opposite sex, you have to marry them. Have babies. You're "weird" if you don't, and HE's "a queer" if HE doesn't want to marry you. Such crap. No wonder there's a lot of hybrid bitch vigor rampant.

This reminds me of the movie, When Harry Met Sally. ;)

[quixotedlm]

Hmm... I agreed with you all the way up until this paragraph. My dance partner and I still dance with everyone even though at times I wish we just danced together (i.e. group lessons). And I was more advanced than he was starting out. However, he is training to be a teacher, and I saw the potential that he had, and paired up with him when he asked me to. I'm glad that I did, because I've had a hard time learning the Latin dances whereas last night I finally got a move down that I wouldn't have if he didn't teach me it his way.

I think there is asymmetry of requriements between leads and followers here. Esp. in the context of latin dancing, pairing between a less advanced lead and a more advanced follower might still be beneficial for both of them, but the other way around (more advanced lead, less advanced follower) will only benefit the follower and not contribute much to the leaders development.

Any thoughts?

[SPratt74]

I think there is asymmetry of requriements between leads and followers here. Esp. in the context of latin dancing, pairing between a less advanced lead and a more advanced follower might still be beneficial for both of them, but the other way around (more advanced lead, less advanced follower) will only benefit the follower and not contribute much to the leaders development.

Any thoughts?

Yep. My partner and I dance Latin, Ballroom, and Country (is Swing separate lol). Anyways, we benefit each other since we do more than just one category of dance. I pick up things rather quickly when it comes to Ballroom, Country and Swing whereas he picks Latin rather quickly. And since he's training to be a teacher, the director makes the teachers learn everything. So, for right now we work well together since we are about the same level in each category, which means that we can progress together about the same speed too. Now, in a few years etc., who knows? Anything can happen then, but right now it works. And thank goodness, because I wanted to find a partner like him either way!

[waltzgirl]

I think there is asymmetry of requriements between leads and followers here. Esp. in the context of latin dancing, pairing between a less advanced lead and a more advanced follower might still be beneficial for both of them, but the other way around (more advanced lead, less advanced follower) will only benefit the follower and not contribute much to the leaders development.

Any thoughts?

I dunno. Seems the other way around to me. A more advanced follow will be limited to whatever the lead knows how to lead, while a more advanced lead can always improve his leading skills with a less advanced follow. But, IME, a big mismatch in purely practice partners doesn't work out. It's different if you're sharing more, like lessons or a comp or performance routine. Then you can progress both individually at your own rate and as a couple together.

[Peaches]

I get so tired of people not being able to comprehend a heterosexually platonic relationship (nobody here, don't worry, I'm just ranting about local mentality again). If you're friends with the opposite sex, you have to marry them. Have babies. You're "weird" if you don't, and HE's "a queer" if HE doesn't want to marry you. Such crap. No wonder there's a lot of hybrid bitch vigor rampant.

OMG, I hear ya' loud and clear on this one.

It seems to get worse with being married and having a non-dancing SO. Then, not only are you weird and he gay, but you're cheating on your SO too.

OMG, I dance with other men!!! The horror.

I could write a friggin' book on this rant...

[PasoDancer]

Someone made a movie about the mentality of it, at least... Deliverance. *Snicker*

[fascination]

OMG, I hear ya' loud and clear on this one.

It seems to get worse with being married and having a non-dancing SO. Then, not only are you weird and he gay, but you're cheating on your SO too.

OMG, I dance with other men!!! The horror.

I could write a friggin' book on this rant...I have already written it;) ...

[Peaches]

I have already written it;) ...

Oh...I must not have read that thread! ;-)

Glad to know I'm not the only one staring down that b.s.

[Peaches]

Someone made a movie about the mentality of it, at least... Deliverance. *Snicker*

Hmmm...never seen it. Mayhaps I should add it to my list of movies I need to see. But then where do I find the time...

[fascination]

bottom line...since Df went oofline while I was typing...while I didn't read OP bottom line for me peaches, is that if one is lucky enough to find someone one respects and whose company one enjoys, with which to dance...that person is worth keeping...good people will make conscientious choices and no one is in control of judgements that anyone might assign to our motives...so hey, if you found someone you like dancing with and you have a level of reflection about your motives...enjoy...they can think he's gay and/or you're a hussy or both...all day long...you'll still be having more fun than they are

[Peaches]

Yeah, I’ve gotten that one figured out. I know and understand my motivations and boundaries, and DH is comfortable with them. So, beyond that, I don’t give a fig.

It just gets annoying as blazes to still be dealing with the b.s. from people whose questions have been asked and answered. I refuse, now, to engage in the conversation but that just means I’m on the receiving end of a monologue for which I haven’t found an effective off switch.

Heh heh…the best was when DH and I took separate vacations—mine was to learn more dancing (he went to Amsterdam to…well…do what you do in Amsterdam—not up my alley). Hoo boy! Did that ever bring out the commentary! And then once it had died down I got my pics developed (my avatar is part of one of them). Sometimes I just like to poke sleeping tigers, ya know? It makes life interesting.

[Joe]

What--pot and hookers?

[Peaches]

Only the former.

[fascination]

;) both of which we frown upon for all of you minors out there:cool:

[Twilight_Elena]

;) both of which we frown upon for all of you minors out there:cool:

The day I'll want hookers will be the day I eat my smelly dance shoes. Now, gigolos... :raisebro:

T_E

[fascination]

ah too late we have already corrupted this one...sheesh

[DancePoet]

Ah ... the innocence of youth rapidly draining from that one. ;) :lol:

[Twilight_Elena]

Ah ... the innocence of youth rapidly draining from that one. ;) :lol:

When I told my best mate about my teaching spot, he said (in his most serious voice) that maybe I should consider hitting on my boss. I was shocked (I thought he was being serious). He said "Nothing wrong with it. Make a little money, get a few privileges. You wouldn't be the first, certainly." For a few minutes I stuttered things like "but I can't sleep with him" and "you know I'm a terrible liar" and then he laughed and laughed. Told me he was barely holding his giggles for AGES.
I'm silly. :rolleyes: :p And I'm still sort of innocent. A bit. Tiny bit.

T_E

[Joe]

Not innocent. Just easy to put one over on you. ;)

[DancePoet]

When I told my best mate about my teaching spot, he said (in his most serious voice) that maybe I should consider hitting on my boss. I was shocked (I thought he was being serious). He said "Nothing wrong with it. Make a little money, get a few privileges. You wouldn't be the first, certainly." For a few minutes I stuttered things like "but I can't sleep with him" and "you know I'm a terrible liar" and then he laughed and laughed. Told me he was barely holding his giggles for AGES.
I'm silly. :rolleyes: :p And I'm still sort of innocent. A bit. Tiny bit.

T_E
Hmmm ... was your "best mate" a guy or a gal?

[argentine_princess]

For such thoughts to have entered their mind and to consider such a wind-up I'm saying it must be a guy!!

[DancePoet]

Probably correct, particularly since she makes a reference to "he". :oops: