only one dance?

[salseragermania]

I'm curios, if you also made the same experience as me - I'm from Germany and maybe the people here behave different or are more rude.
Sometimes, when I aks a guy for a dance we will go for one dance, and then he says "Thank you" and that's it. Though everything went fine and he also seemed to have fun. This is sometimes the case, when he is a really good dancer (or some guys who believe who are really good dancers), but not always. Sometimes I'm also better than they. As for a good dancer I could imagine that he is bored with me, but for somebody at my level or below I'm sometimes wondering. Of course there are other people, who just continue dancing, ask for another dance or just propose a break. All of this is fine with me, but sometimes I feel a bit rejected, though I'm a good dancer. I'm often told, that I'm a good follower and I agree, that I can dance with many people, so this can't be the reason.
I'm sure there's a lot of pschology while interacting on the dancefloor, so it is very interesting what people think and how they behave. As for a woman I can say, that I like to dance with a partner which is a bit better than me. And as a men?

[englezul]

I'm curios, if you also made the same experience as me - I'm from Germany and maybe the people here behave different or are more rude.
Sometimes, when I aks a guy for a dance we will go for one dance, and then he says "Thank you" and that's it. Though everything went fine and he also seemed to have fun. This is sometimes the case, when he is a really good dancer (or some guys who believe who are really good dancers), but not always. Sometimes I'm also better than they. As for a good dancer I could imagine that he is bored with me, but for somebody at my level or below I'm sometimes wondering. Of course there are other people, who just continue dancing, ask for another dance or just propose a break. All of this is fine with me, but sometimes I feel a bit rejected, though I'm a good dancer. I'm often told, that I'm a good follower and I agree, that I can dance with many people, so this can't be the reason.
I'm sure there's a lot of pschology while interacting on the dancefloor, so it is very interesting what people think and how they behave. As for a woman I can say, that I like to dance with a partner which is a bit better than me. And as a men?

I usually dance two dances, but sometimes I kinda get a vibe at the end of the first one where I feel the energy went low. If that is the case I end it there. Sometimes when it's kinda fuzzy I ask 'one more?'.

If she's way more advanced than myself and I feel I ran out of material then I also bail after one song. Unless she's a friend in which case I just experiment with the pro. :D

And sometimes they're just too novice.

[BugBear]

I'm from Bulgaria. Around here when you invite someone(lead or follow) it's only for one song. If you want another right after that, you ask again :) And nobody finds that offending in any way.

[Sagitta]

hmm..I go with the flow. If it is a beginner I could do another dance so she gets a chance to get used to my style and feels even better leaving the dance floor. If I really enjoy a dance then another. If there are many people to dance with then fewer dances with each person. If there are fewer then more dances per person. If I feel a person was bored maybe another dance and I trick her so she gets a nice dose. Or maybe I let her go and move to someone else?

[Josh]

Unless it's a superb dance, I almost always leave it to just one. This lets me save some for later, have something to look forward to, etc. I don't like to overstay my welcome, if you will.

but sometimes I feel a bit rejected, though I'm a good dancer. I'm often told, that I'm a good follower and I agree, that I can dance with many people, so this can't be the reason.

Consider the possibility also that the guy may be smiling, and enjoying himself somewhat, but that he's not really enjoying the dance immensely. We are often the last ones to realize that we need to improve in some way, so yes, unlike you said, it IS possible that he doesn't enjoy dancing with you. I always smile when I'm dancing, even if the girl is tiring me out or otherwise making me miserable. It's courteous, and I can put up with most things for 4 minutes or so.

[pielcanela]

as far as I know in the social salsa and ballroom scene around here, you ask for one song, and then you let the lady have the option to dance with someone else, if you really enjoy the dance, like if it was in the top 40 of your whole life, you ask immediately if you could dance one more song, otherwise you let the lady go and you ask her again later. (unless this is a friend/dance partner you are actually looking to dance with, the whole night, and she feels likewise) I think the vibe I got was that it was rather rude to impose another song on a stranger regardless of the skill, enjoyment you got. - likewise if a lady enjoyed the dance, then she has the option to request another song, which I have promptly agreed

[Tony_Salvi]

For me Variety is the spice of life. Which means that even if I enjoyed dancing with you, I still want to dance with as many people as possible. When I first meet and dance with someone at a club I usually say thank you afterwards and leave it at that. With time I get to know the person better and we might chit chat afterwards. After a while We'll dance more than one song together, but still not back to back.

I always find that my dancing kind of stagnates if danced with the same follower twice in a row.

[squirrel]

LOL talk about difference in scenes...

In Bucharest it is quite offensive to dance only one dance - no one almost ever does it. The habit is to dance for at least 5-6 songs with the same person.

When I like who I am dancing with, it is all right. When I don't I simply say "thank you" after 1-2 songs. :)

[Shooshoo]

5-6 songs with the same person.




:shock: that's torture...

[MacMoto]

Sometimes, when I aks a guy for a dance we will go for one dance, and then he says "Thank you" and that's it. Though everything went fine and he also seemed to have fun.
In the UK, "have one dance, say thank you and move on" is very much the norm in salsa. This was also the case at all the congresses I've attended. Nothing to do with the level of the dancer -- just the way things are.

When I went to Germany, I did notice that it seemed more common to have two or three dances in a row with the same partner, so you are probably used to that, but it's not a universal custom. Perhaps the guys you mention learned salsa somewhere else?

[naturallove]

Here it's usually just one. Sometimes if a song is unexpectedly short or we've started dancing in the middle of the song, the lead will keep on dancing (or request another dance) which is fine by me. Also, someone who's new to dancing may keep dancing through to the next song or ask for another dance, which I'll say yes to anyway. :raisebro:

[Sabor]

never more than two dances after the other w/ same person.. so one is good enough.. unless i think she is attractive then i go for two if it feels right..

more than two and risk of boredom intensifies.. dont want that do we.. sometimes less is more eh..

[AlexSem]

more than two and risk of boredom intensifies.. dont want that do we.. sometimes less is more eh.. This is the predominant reason guys dance one song. It is somewhat rare to find a lady that has fun doing a basic, a crossbody lead and a single. A lot of them want these new fancy combos that'll spin them out of their socks or almost confuse them and have them almost mess it up but then get it right and get out on top - that's when they break out laughing like OMG I did it and feel the high ;)

I find that the more one enjoys and listens to the music - the less they're dependant on the partner, the less pressure I feel and the longer we can dance together. Otherwise it's the classic "crap, I've done pretty much everything I can remember and the song is almost over, OK let's just throw in some doubles and the moves I don't like but remember somewhat anyway" sorta thing :) Goes back to "musicality vs pattern monkeys" :) One can dance for hours, the other, 2-3 songs ;)

[noobster]

Hm. For me this is dependent on the partner.

If it is somebody I know already (one of my 'regulars') most of them usually want to do 2-3; for some of them it's just one. If it is a new partner it is usually just one dance, rarely 2. If he wants more he will usually find me again later on.

I think it would take me a few songs to explicitly feel like I needed to change partners, maybe 4-5 unless there is a specific issue (not connecting, bad breath or whatever - in which case I probably would have run away after 1 song anyway).

[thespina13]

I concur with everyone.. except the sanding 5-6 thing. That's like half an hour with one person!!! Ugh. Even if I love the guy to death, PLEASE let me go for a bit!

[Big10]

This thread reminded me of a thread that I started a few months ago, where I discussed the opposite end of the spectrum -- i.e., dancing with just one person all night long:

http://www.dance-forums.com/showthread.php?t=13469


This is the predominant reason guys dance one song. It is somewhat rare to find a lady that has fun doing a basic, a crossbody lead and a single. A lot of them want these new fancy combos that'll spin them out of their socks or almost confuse them and have them almost mess it up but then get it right and get out on top - that's when they break out laughing like OMG I did it and feel the high ;)
I think it depends on the setting. If all of your dancing is at socials, then, yes, most of those women will want a constant challenge -- and I don't know nearly enough moves to consistently challenge one follower all night long. Outside of socials, though, I don't think it's "rare" (actually I think it's the opposite), to find women who don't have much dance training and so they're virtually limited to a basic and a single turn. Those women might even get ticked at a guy for trying too many turns! It's particularly true of women who may have grown up in a Latin or Caribbean country where expressing the music came from sensually moving the hips and shoulders, rather than fast footwork and spinning, spinning, spinning. It was too hot to spin all the time! :D

I find that the more one enjoys and listens to the music - the less they're dependant on the partner, the less pressure I feel and the longer we can dance together.
That's a pretty accurate summary of my experience, too. The ability of the partner to truly enjoy the music makes all the difference in the world. That way, I can do subtle moves that make me more of an accessory to our experience on the dance floor, rather than my carrying the responsibility of being "the main event." When the music itself is the main event for the woman, then it's easier for her to tolerate my presence for several songs in a row. ;)

[Movement]

It could depend where you are dancing. I usually only dance at studio parties. The possibility that someone wouldn't want to dance with you exists but I wouldn't think too much into it. Even if I like really like dancing with a particular someone I would rather dance with a variety of people. It just helps me get used to leading different people. And I know I'm not the only one who thinks that way.

As a guy, it doesn't really matter what the level of the dancer is to me. I like dancing with people who are friendly. But I would much rather dance with a novice than someone way above me. It's kind of intimidating to dance with a high level dancer because I feel obligated to keep them entertained. But on the other hand if they give you a tip on your leading it can be really helpful.

As a lady it might be different because in my opinion, ladies can go through many more patterns than guys in a shorter time. If you are a good follower you can do a lot of steps you may not have learned yet if you have a good leader. You probably won't remember them but I'm sure it would be fun at the moment.

Again, don't think too much into it. Your dancing ability has nothing to do with it.

[MacMoto]

Hm. For me this is dependent on the partner.

If it is somebody I know already (one of my 'regulars') most of them usually want to do 2-3; for some of them it's just one. If it is a new partner it is usually just one dance, rarely 2. If he wants more he will usually find me again later on.

Funny you say that -- I would be happy to accept 2-3 dances in a row with a visiting stranger -- more so than with regulars. I can dance with regulars of my scene anytime. With visitors I may never have a chance to dance ever again, so if I enjoy dancing with them, I want to make the most of it.

[squirrel]

Try thinking about this: new scene that you are visiting, level not so bad, but many dancers who do not fit your style at all (say you dance on2 and they all dance on1 or choose another situation). Then you find one you really click with (in this case one who can dance on2). The music is the one you love (say it feels like on2, it oozes on2ishness...) :) How many dances you were saying you would dance with that person? :)

[Sabor]

Try thinking about this: new scene that you are visiting, level not so bad, but many dancers who do not fit your style at all (say you dance on2 and they all dance on1 or choose another situation). Then you find one you really click with (in this case one who can dance on2). The music is the one you love (say it feels like on2, it oozes on2ishness...) :) How many dances you were saying you would dance with that person? :)


i thought its about general action and not specific.. since things change according to each situation naturally ..

still i wouldn't dance over two dance in a row period.. at different times thru the night it could be 3 or 4 .. but in a row is pretty problematic for me cause i get bored quick.. even if she is great then i'd rather miss that much more so it makes the dance that much more exciting..

i'm talkin simple demand and supply forces here.. thats a genral standard for everything .. increase supply without similar increase in demand and price drops..

but sure.. it can happen in certain situations.. i was being general..

[Pacion]

still i wouldn't dance over two dance in a row period.. at different times thru the night it could be 3 or 4 .. but in a row is pretty problematic for me cause i get bored quick...

I am taking notes! :lol:

[noobster]

Funny you say that -- I would be happy to accept 2-3 dances in a row with a visiting stranger -- more so than with regulars. I can dance with regulars of my scene anytime. With visitors I may never have a chance to dance ever again, so if I enjoy dancing with them, I want to make the most of it.Well, when I say a 'regular' I mean one of my 'salsa friends'. We've danced together plenty, we've had some conversations, and we will usually seek each other out for a dance at least once or twice when we are at the same venue. The 2-3 dances in a row is usually more his thing than mine; I am happy to stay or go, either way.

But NY is a big scene, and most of the 'regulars' on the scene are not 'regulars' of mine. (If they like the dance they may become one of my 'regulars.') If it is someone from out of town, well, I may not even know it unless he tells me. He could be a local who tends to frequent different venues than I do, or who has taken a long break, or whom I don't recognize for whatever reason.

[thespina13]

Ugh. Last night we had a FANTASTIC band... and not a whole lot of the really good leads were out for some reason. But there were a couple, and I was determined to make the most of this band and seek them out. UNfortunately, this one guy was tagging along after me the WHOLE NIGHT, after dancing two in a row with me (these songs were long.. like 10-15 minutes each). So a half hour with one guy was way too much. And then he felt like my best friend so I had a little puppy dog hanging out with me the whole night. It was really rather uncomfortable. I had to keep moving around the room and could never sit down at my table with my friends, because he'd just hang out there with me. And, consequently, because I was always seenw ith this guy, no-one was asking me to dance. Every opportunity I had the was free, the other leads were busy dancing. Then after a long time not dancing, this guy would ask me again. I held off until the end of the night where he danced two more with me, and seriously, I had had enough. I felt like I hadn't danced the whole night, because I was stuck with such a limited range of partners.

I mean, if you want to strike up a friendship with someone, don't try to do it in one night! Say hi to me at the beginning, we'll have a dance, nod across the room at each other a few times, keep asking new people to dance, and shake hands or exchange a warm cheek-kiss on the way out. That's it. Other than that, unless we're close friends already, pleeeease have your OWN night. I'm not a babysitter!

I can see dancing two or maybe even three with someone (let's say a really sweet bachata comes on after one and ahalf salsas and you just really wannnnna) with canned music that's sort of short and the night is young. But in this case where the band was loving life and playing each song to the hilt, CIRCULATE.

[salsamale]

... Sometimes, when I aks a guy for a dance we will go for one dance, and then he says "Thank you" and that's it. Though everything went fine and he also seemed to have fun. This is sometimes the case, when he is a really good dancer (or some guys who believe who are really good dancers), but not always. Sometimes I'm also better than they. As for a good dancer I could imagine that he is bored with me, but for somebody at my level or below I'm sometimes wondering. Of course there are other people, who just continue dancing, ask for another dance or just propose a break. All of this is fine with me, but sometimes I feel a bit rejected, though I'm a good dancer. I'm often told, that I'm a good follower and I agree, that I can dance with many people, so this can't be the reason.
I'm sure there's a lot of pschology while interacting on the dancefloor, so it is very interesting what people think and how they behave. As for a woman I can say, that I like to dance with a partner which is a bit better than me. And as a men?
In a salsa-savvy crowd, here, there is nothing wrong with saying "thank you" after 1 dance. If the dance was good, we will both know it, and the smiles will be genuine. If there is dance chemistry, I will ask for a second dance right away, or be sure to find the salsera again, to ask for another dance later on. If this salsera is with her friends, another complement would be to ask each of her friends to dance, in turn, before re-asking the first salsera. Also, in a salsa-savvy crowd, chances are, we will bump into each other on another day.

In a not-so-salsa-savvy crowd, here, it can be a bit trickier. If splitting a lady from her friend(s), I have usually left it to 1 dance, to give her a chance to re-group, and to not have her friend(s) feel abandoned, especially if they are not dancing. The risk, here, however, is not being able to dance with her again. If her friend(s) are not dancing, they may want to leave the venue. If reggaeton or dance music comes on, then her friend(s) might finally come out to dance and start having fun, but then the DJ sees all these ladies dancing with each other on the dancefloor, and decides to play a never-ending mix of reggaeton and merengue. I can't blame the DJ :), but here, my asking strategy falls to pieces, so I am thinking now, in a not-so-salsa-savvy crowd, to go for at least 2 dances in a row.

[quixotedlm]

mmm... this is kinda hard to formalize... i've had nights dancing about 8 songs straight with the same person, and no dances at all with that person on other nights... There is one dancer I dance about 6-7 songs with pretty much every night... and then there are those i only ask for one dance once every few days... others I get to dance twice in a row and some other i dance twice in the same night (but not consecutive songs). you just have to feel your way through these things....

[DennisBeach]

I'm curios, if you also made the same experience as me - I'm from Germany and maybe the people here behave different or are more rude.
Sometimes, when I aks a guy for a dance we will go for one dance, and then he says "Thank you" and that's it. Though everything went fine and he also seemed to have fun. This is sometimes the case, when he is a really good dancer (or some guys who believe who are really good dancers), but not always. Sometimes I'm also better than they. As for a good dancer I could imagine that he is bored with me, but for somebody at my level or below I'm sometimes wondering. Of course there are other people, who just continue dancing, ask for another dance or just propose a break. All of this is fine with me, but sometimes I feel a bit rejected, though I'm a good dancer. I'm often told, that I'm a good follower and I agree, that I can dance with many people, so this can't be the reason.
I'm sure there's a lot of pschology while interacting on the dancefloor, so it is very interesting what people think and how they behave. As for a woman I can say, that I like to dance with a partner which is a bit better than me. And as a men?

In south eastern Wisconsin, it is pretty much one dance and than on to another partner for unattached dancers. That seems to be the ettiquette amoung swing and ballroom dancers here.