Unpleasant memories crossing my salsalife

[Lucretia]

How do you cope old X when meeting them on the salsascene?

I did post it at the Dancers anonymous.
http://www.dance-forums.com/showthread.php?p=346873#post346873

But perhaps you - my regular DF-salsa-friends are more conserned.

/Luc

[englezul]

How do you cope old X when meeting them on the salsascene?

I did post it at the Dancers anonymous.
http://www.dance-forums.com/showthread.php?p=346873#post346873

But perhaps you - my regular DF-salsa-friends are more conserned.

/Luc

Come on Luc, you mean you got married, and you're married to a guy who everybody else in the scene just adores and you're getting all tormented by some past love who let you down three times??

Cristopher Walken said something like...

"Throw champagne in my face once...shame on you. Throw champagne in my face twice...shame on me."

You shouldn't even need to remember about that part of your past. Say 'Thought bad, thought GONE!'. Admit it to yourself that it was a bad decision from your behalf to get involved with him, let go and start appreciating what you have.

Personally in a similar situation I wouldn't like this at all, I wouldn't be angry, or jealous or insecure, but I would be dissappointed in some way because if what's a distant memory still has that power over you then I'd be worried about the quality of our relationship.

So chin up, this needent bother you anymore. It happened in the past and it has no real impact on your present life...unless you let it to.

[Lucretia]

Englezul, you are so right. This is the way I reacted that night. This is the way I present the "problem" to my husband.

I do not even fancy this guy and still he hurts me. Or the memory hurts me. I relive the feelings the unspoken words etc etc. I guess (or hope) it is a result of my current mental status (in agony waiting for response for getting a new work..unemployeed right now....having negotiations with new employeer about work content and salary every week..also suffering of lack-of-sleep because of kidz..etc etc).

I react so well in the situations where people are present but so bad when I get tired and alone. I cause myself more pain the anyone else have done.

But you are right about every thing! Thanks fore reinforcing my "right thinking"

/luc

[Lucretia]

Englezul, I forgot to tell you. I told my husband how proud I was about him that night. All the great comments about him. We had really fun. I almost felt like my husband and I was the alpha couple of the flock :lol: A great feeling regarding the circumstances ;)

I feelt like "look what I've got instead of you ...you jeerk"


/luc

[Hart_House]

I suggest you buy him off. Offer him money to stop dancing.

[Lucretia]

I suggest you buy him off. Offer him money to stop dancing.
:lol:

/luc

[azzey]

Luc,

If those feelings ever come up again about the past (if you've not dealt with them.. they may if you push them away), then one way of dealing with them for good may be writing a brief letter.

You cannot say these things to someone in the present because that person no longer exists. You are a much different person now as well, living a different life. It's the old you who wants to say these things anyway and so date the letter in the past (write it as if you'd written it all those years ago), read it as the person you are now and realise that was in another life and has little hold on you now, then burn it!

[sweavo]

It's the old you who wants to say these things anyway and so date the letter in the past

Wow! I really needed this advice 5 years ago!

[SD]

When I have occasion to remember any of the few who have caused me great pain and anguish through callousness or thoughtlessness in the lightof my ardor, I generally consider it my good fortune that they live far away and I have no occasion to meet them. There really is no good or appropriate way to communicate the pain of unrequited love or the loss of broken promises to the object of one's attachment; And even if there was, the occasion to express it seems to pass by all but the most outspoken among us long before we can gather our wits enough to make good use of it.

That being said, it has been my experience that emotions of anger or hurt tend to give way to pity, with time. It seems to me that incompetence and error are far more common causes of everyday human misery than genuine malfeasance. And the socially or emotionally incompetent tend to end up leading lives that leave much room for pity in the end. While it is important to recognize and work against any real predatory or abusive behavior, your story does not seem to suggest such. I have been surprised by several instances recently wherein as I learn more about the people I share the dance floor with, I have come to appreciate that even some of the ones who manage to be real jerks on a regular basis do have some good qualities. And I also notice that my own behavior and comportment can serve to enhance those good qualities, or to stir up the nasty ones. For myself, I find that letting the past inform the future and dreaming up ways to be compassionate serve the state of my own heart much better than dwelling on past mistakes and injustices.

Of course my own thoughts are still plagued by hurts and injustices remembered, or dreadful errors that I may have made. But as I get older the little successes and gracious moments sometimes do seem to weigh more heavily than the grand disasters.

I guess I’ll close and get off of the soapbox by advising you that you might (or might not) like yourself a lot better if you were able to act considerately and kindly to some poor shmo who screwed up things repeatedly in the past, than if you find some way to rub it in his face. And that’s the real challenge. For myself, I think that my Salsa is much improved by the former spirit, and suffers mightily under the latter.

-SD

[djpatricio]

How do you cope old X when meeting them on the salsascene?

I did post it at the Dancers anonymous.
http://www.dance-forums.com/showthread.php?p=346873#post346873

But perhaps you - my regular DF-salsa-friends are more conserned.

/Luc


Just dance better than your ex and you'll be allright. Living well is the best revenge. Either that, or just don't give an F.