Deep Thoughts for those Who Take LIfe Too Seriously

[mamboqueen]

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like, Night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vendin g machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20 Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened .
25. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates . . . it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

[fascination]

thank you MQ

[alemana]

LOL #2 and #8.

and hhahahaha #27. so true!

[mamboqueen]

I think 10 & 20 are my faves.

[alemana]

HAHAH weasels.

I usually hate this sort of thread but this is making my sick butt laugh today. Thanks.

[fascination]

8 is my favorite...but also partial to 5, 13, 24, 25, 26, and 27

[skwiggy]

I usually hate this kind of stuff. But this is hilarious. :)

[bordertangoman]

.
2. A day without sunshine is like, Night...
.

" The sun was shining brightly,
shining with all its might;
which was very strange indeed
as it was the middle of the night"

Lewis Carroll

[mamboqueen]

He musta been trippin'!

[LucyDiamond]

My faves are 11, 12, 18, 24 and 25.

[fascination]

some days just require this sort of stuff

[mamboqueen]

Yup...mindless fun...

[delamusica]

Love it, mq. Fun. :)

[LucyDiamond]

mindless
Yup...that's me today! :raisebro:

[samina]

all very funny, mq... #19... biggest response on my part. love how the list generally gets funnier as you go down it...

:D

[latingal]

made my day MQ... *grin*

[mamboqueen]

I'm afraid I can probably relate to #7 a little more than I'd like to admit :). A little slow on the uptick from time to time. *doh*

[mamboqueen]

made my day MQ... *grin*

:together:

[samina]

I'm afraid I can probably relate to #7 a little more than I'd like to admit :). A little slow on the uptick from time to time. *doh*

don't feel bad. i am a hard sell w/ comedy, myself... i'm the one in the room that might laugh once for everyone else's 20 at a movie.

my oldest is such an easy laugher... his laugh is like magic to hear. actually, both of them... very happy spirits.

(not that i'm not happy...:rolleyes:)

[mamboqueen]

I love comedy, it's just that I'm a little bit of an airhead at times about getting things. My son doesn't laugh enough, and so I really notice it when he does. He's too serious for such a youngster....

[samina]

He's too serious for such a youngster....

he will get younger as he gets older. trust me... ;)

[mamboqueen]

he will get younger as he gets older. trust me... ;)

Oh I believe you...I have a husband, remember????

[samina]

lmao...

well, i was an uber serious child... goofy, but serious. and now... wel, i've never felt more youthful & light-hearted than i do now.

[fascination]

yup...I definately should have sown more oats

[Pacion]

Just read this. Thanks MQ! A much needed laugh for today!

I love this one!

Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

[pr]

Thanks MQ! :D

Do you know who wrote them?

[Joe]

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
This is actually untrue.

[fascination]

'splain...plz

[Joe]

Average is an aggregate number. Essentially, total of discrete values, divided by number of values. Thus, you could have several values "outweigh" others. Say you have 7 values: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 77. Total is 98, average is 14. You would have 6 (more than half) of the discrete values below average. The correct statistical parameter to use would be the median, which is the middle value, or 4, where (about) half the values would be below the median.

[reb]

I thought these were hilarious - thanks MQ for bringing a smile into my day!!:D

[reb]

Average is an aggregate number. Essentially, total of discrete values, divided by number of values. Thus, you could have several values "outweigh" others. Say you have 7 values: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 77. Total is 98, average is 14. You would have 6 (more than half) of the discrete values below average. The correct statistical parameter to use would be the median, which is the middle value, or 4, where (about) half the values would be below the median.
but Joe, all that does is prove the point . . . about the author;)

The author, the author! (NOT MQ!!)

[NielsenE]

Well if we want to redeem the author, perhaps you could take it to mean that "Half of the people [an average person knows] are below average." Since any individual person's aquaintences mght show the distribution skew Joe used to illustrate the point, but a hypothetical "average person's" aquaintences should follow a normal distribution and thus median/mean/mode should all be effectively equal :)

[reb]

Well if we want to redeem the author, perhaps you could take it to mean that "Half of the people [an average person knows] are below average." Since any individual person's aquaintences mght show the distribution skew Joe used to illustrate the point, but a hypothetical "average person's" aquaintences should follow a normal distribution and thus median/mean/mode should all be effectively equal :)
I love being around intelligent people!

(uh, in the virtual sense)

[fascination]

slinks away acutely conscious of where I fall on the bell curve

[delamusica]

Average is an aggregate number. Essentially, total of discrete values, divided by number of values. Thus, you could have several values "outweigh" others. Say you have 7 values: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 77. Total is 98, average is 14. You would have 6 (more than half) of the discrete values below average. The correct statistical parameter to use would be the median, which is the middle value, or 4, where (about) half the values would be below the median.


Ouch.

I think I just sprained my head.