so there is this girl I kind of like :)

[LovingIt28]

Hey Everyone,

How you doing? I thought I would say hi for my first post.

I have just started Salsa classes and am LOVING it! Brilliant. Have received GREAT help and feedback over at salsaforums about dancing.

Cruised over here and saw some dance/relationship style posts so could not help myself.

There is this girl at Salsa, one of the instructors. Young though, about the same age as me I would imagine. Anyway, super sweet smile and just has a nice vibe about her. I loved her style (cool t-shirts and hair) when I first saw her. We usually would smile at each other when passing. *before i knew her or anything. Then, she taught one of my beginner lessons (she usually does advanced) which was cool. So smiles continued. Then we usually (as a group) go out for a drink after class. I have chatted to her then but ONLY as a group or with a couple of people. We have a lot in common, both academic/study and LOVE books.

Anyway, I do sort of like her but I LOVE Salsa. I do not want to ruin that or detract from that for her or I. That said though, I would like to get to know her better. Normally, I would just chat to her and see if she wants to hang out sometime but I am wary of two things in this situation. 1) Mixing Salsa and social life 2) Maybe she has a boyfriend and I do not want to cause issues/drama at class etc.

I have decided just to keep dancing doing my thing. Smile when I see her (cannot really help it, very natural :) ) and if she asks me to hang out then great.

I am not going to Dancing for dating or anything but on the other hand I would hate to miss out on a wonderful opportunity to get to know a good fun positive person.

Suggestions/comments/similar stories appreciated :)

[sweavo]

Yeah stay cool. It could be that she's just used to smiling warmly at strangers - as a teacher there will be many more people who know her face than she can know back.

It's very common when starting salsa for males to think that female X is hot for him, just because of the increased levels of intimacy in salsa compared to, say, sitting in an office or playing chess... I jokingly tell my beginners that it takes the men weeks to realise it's not all about sex ...

[MacMoto]

To add to sweavo's point, it's *very* common for beginners (both male and female) to develope a crush on their teachers. For a teacher to fall for a beginner student is a much rarer thing. For them, you are just one of many students they teach.

Keep on dancing. After dancing regularly for months and when you become part of the scene, there may come a point when your teacher starts seeing you as one of her salsa friends rather than her student, and then she may start taking notice of you as a potential date material. But by then it's quite likely that you will have grown out of your crush.

[Shooshoo]

Keep on dancing. After dancing regularly for months and when you become part of the scene, there may come a point when your teacher starts seeing you as one of her salsa friends rather than her student, and then she may start taking notice of you as a potential date material. But by then it's quite likely that you will have grown out of your crush.

Good advice, yes, crushes on instructors, you see it all the time.

[road2graciousness]

My only advice, is to be very very careful about asking advice on matters of the heart.

Seriously dude, only you know the situation, no-one else knows anything about your situation, so don't take anything anyone says here with anything more than a pinch of salt.

I think it really is better if you find your own solutions, and don't defer to other people's opinions on this.

Good luck, whatever you do, and may you have a happy heart. :)

[LovingIt28]

THanks for the replies!

An important distinction though that perhaps I did not make clear. She is not MY instructor but is A instructor. She filled in one beginner's class but that was LONG before I had my crush/interest :)

I hang out with the group after class every week and have chatted to get to know her there but always in a group unfortunately. Would love a chat one on one.

Funny, she was on the front desk tonight. PERFECT opportunity for a one on one chat. Except that HONESTLY in the quiet times when she was not working, there was ALWAYS a guy by her side chatting. The one time it was clear and I went up to say hi, a guy got there first and I felt like I was in a line. I just smiled said see you and left (was leaving anyway but would have loved to chat first).

Why I like her has very little to do with dancing. Liked her on the WAY in to class. She had this awesome shirt on. Very witty and funny. My kind of humour and chatting has reinforced this :)

Oh well, all good. Loving classes.

Dance about sex??????? I am the opposite actually. I do not know how or why people think it is good for dating. Maybe my personality but I take things passionately. I am so focused on the dance and ESPECIALLY the beautiful music that I do not get to the sex part.

* getting nice compliments about my hip movement and rhythm from people watching and partners though so guess Salsa helps with sex appeal but I am not the kind of guy that turns that into dating etc.

[salsamale]

... Anyway, I do sort of like her but I LOVE Salsa. I do not want to ruin that or detract from that for her or I. That said though, I would like to get to know her better. Normally, I would just chat to her and see if she wants to hang out sometime but I am wary of two things in this situation. 1) Mixing Salsa and social life 2) Maybe she has a boyfriend and I do not want to cause issues/drama at class etc. ...

Suggestions/comments/similar stories appreciated :)
Since she is your instructor, and part of the scene, one approach may be to ask her for her suggestions/comments/similar stories, about salsa and relationships, and she may open-up and share with you some of her own personal stories. It would be good to learn, a) whether she would consider dating anyone from the salsa scene, and b) whether she would consider dating a student, even if you are close in age.

p.s. Your sentiment is commendable, in not wanting to detract from your instructor's enjoyment of salsa :).

[quixotedlm]

I think it really is better if you find your own solutions, and don't defer to other people's opinions on this.

Your question is a recurrent theme on DF, and most of our advice here somewhat contradicts this statement - do listen to us and stay away from your instructor ;)

To support r2g's sentiments, I must say that I've seen relationships like these work out. One of my instructors, who has been dancing since she was 3 (probably early 40's now) who teaches fairly advanced level classes in salsa started going out with one of her students she met in a beginners class. He doesn't even dance much, and doesn't hang out with her in dance socials etc, but they are still together - almost as if it's a relationship with a non-dancing guy. So in spite of most of our collective wisdom about this (that you're probably better off moving on), there is a fringe possibility that it could work. I personally still think that it's probably not a worthwhile effort, esp. if you are growing to like salsa.


<rant>
Falling in love with salsa has a flip side. You can never tell who is really interested in you and who is merely displaying an astoundingly confusing salsa-chemistry and nothing more....
</rant>

[Josh]

I think it really is better if you find your own solutions, and don't defer to other people's opinions on this.

Ditto quix on this-- take your heart's sentiments with a tiny grain of salt. Listen to us. wink wink.

Put another way, your heart sees you and the girl like this:

:together:

The girl probably sees you like this:

:) or this :rolleyes: or this :confused:

Again Lovingit28, this is not always the case. For example, I am now with my former private instructor, and we are teaching together and loving it. But, these cases are rare, and while I was taking lessons with her, neither of us seriously considered the other as a mate, even though we both had little crushes.

Enjoy your crush, but realize that, as someone else said, she smiles to 95% of the people she meets at the studio. I likewise smile to everybody who comes in my studio--it's called being friendly, and enjoying life. Don't take it for more than what it probably is, though there is a small chance she does like you. Not trying to hurt your ego, just trying to be real.

[LovingIt28]

Great posts, thanks!

I posted last night but it did not appear.

Anyway, the first 3 posts made me feel like I was typecast/categorised and the posts were closed. The others felt a bit more positive and open which is great.

The extra info that I added last night (went to the internet Gods apparently).

- she is A instructor NOT MY instructor (except for one fill in class). She teaches advanced classes

- I liked her/had crush way before dancing. Have not even seen her dance much. Initially it was her style (her cool hair in a long ponytail) then her shirt (also funny witty statement). It just showed we had the same tastes and humour. She has a SUPER smile too which I like. Anyway, then chatting, I have discovered that we share lots of similar tastes. Eg. reading and creativity, studying, academics etc.

*I hang out with the Salsa group for drinks after class each week. We are always in a group though. I wish I could chat one on one but have not had the chance. She was sitting with her dance partner chatting on Saturday (big table, I was opposite). I just chatted to both of them and involved them both but wished I could chat one on one. We got on great.

That is what I base my crush/liking her. Not dancing. I am so busy focusing on my music and dance that I do not know or want to date. I figure a date lasts a night, whereas dance lessons/skills/vibe can last a lifetime hence I focus more on the latter :) And if the former naturally happens whilst I am doing my thing then great.

- funny thing though. Giving myself a break from thinking about it .

Last night had my class and the girl was on the front desk. (started after I arrived so I did not see her to start). Anyway, I did my class and then had a drink and watched some dancers. I kept an eye on the girl as well, as it seemed a perfect opportunity to chat one on one (whilst she was not working, only busy before and after class). However, she had a CONSTANT stream of guys. She was free for a moment and I walked over but just before I got there, the bouncer came over and chatted to her. I felt like I needed to queue up :) Anyway, finished watching the dancing and ready to go. Still chatting to bouncer, so I just said goodbye as I walked past and left.

Thus, I know she is a friendly girl. :) Still have my crush/like her but obviously not going to worry about it too much. Just dance and see what happens.

thanks

[noobster]

Falling in love with salsa has a flip side. You can never tell who is really interested in you and who is merely displaying an astoundingly confusing salsa-chemistry and nothing more....
Oddly, I've noticed that whether I like someone personally has pretty much nothing at all to do with whether we have salsa-chemistry.

I have fabulous salsa-chemistry with two leads that I really don't particularly like personally much at all. Then I have at least one good salsa friend with whom I don't really have very good salsa-chemistry. We get along famously, dance a lot together and do okay because we are used to each other, but our dance connection just doesn't have that special zing.

[road2graciousness]

It wasn't my question dude! I'm wans't the O.P. (all I was saying is follow your own heart / groove / mojo - not other people's opinions).

But yeah, it's a great theme. I also think it sets a good president (habit) if you communicate your interest to the lady, as and when it arises. End of the day, believe in yourself, smile, and wink a lot.

;)


Your question is a recurrent theme on DF, and most of our advice here somewhat contradicts this statement - do listen to us and stay away from your instructor ;)

To support r2g's sentiments, I must say that I've seen relationships like these work out. One of my instructors, who has been dancing since she was 3 (probably early 40's now) who teaches fairly advanced level classes in salsa started going out with one of her students she met in a beginners class. He doesn't even dance much, and doesn't hang out with her in dance socials etc, but they are still together - almost as if it's a relationship with a non-dancing guy. So in spite of most of our collective wisdom about this (that you're probably better off moving on), there is a fringe possibility that it could work. I personally still think that it's probably not a worthwhile effort, esp. if you are growing to like salsa.


<rant>
Falling in love with salsa has a flip side. You can never tell who is really interested in you and who is merely displaying an astoundingly confusing salsa-chemistry and nothing more....
</rant>

[BugBear]

It's just not fair. Why are all dance instructors such hotties! :D

[sweavo]

hey, sorry if I typecast you. While I could defend myself by saying it's crazy to ask for relationship advice from a bunch of dancers on the internet, I have to take some of the blame for responding :-P

--
That's the problem with people - they object to sweeping generalizations.

[LovingIt28]

lol - best I rephrase my question - Based on the information provided, what can you recommend/suggest to give me the best chance of success in this situation trying to balance building a relationship (friendship or otherwise) with the girl and not detracting from either of our passions which is dancing.


* similar stories also welcome

thanks :)

[azzey]

lol - best I rephrase my question - Based on the information provided, what can you recommend/suggest to give me the best chance of success in this situation trying to balance building a relationship (friendship or otherwise) with the girl and not detracting from either of our passions which is dancing.


* similar stories also welcome

thanks :)

Flirt outregeously with everyone on the dance floor. If there's a special attraction there you will feel a big difference from her. Anything on the dance floor is left on the dance floor.

Off the dance floor - become friends with her and her friends. Be a gentleman but not a sap. If she's interested she'll let you know.

(from experience, that's all I will say)

[Sagitta]

hmmm..seems that you don't want take any advice discouraging you from your course of action...so I won't give it...quite like that.. ;-)

You need to be able to sort out what is going on with you and only YOU can do that. To distinguish between being attracted to a person for their wit/looks /public conversations and what happens privately.

Then you also mention that you don't want to mess up your learning salsa. It is a fact that if you pursue this person in any way shape or form, you risk that. And no matter how much advice we give you it really doens't matter as we don't know her and you that well. She teaches, is an instructor at your studio. If you continue with salsa it is quite possible you will be interacting with her in class...and also socially.

To go beyond a platonic simple everyday public relationship, which is what she and you have, a risk must be taken. And you will risk messing up your salsa...unless you and she both have the required maturity. So many ifs...

I would say, only if you are willing to risk messing up salsa should you do anything further. Me? If I think there is something I risk it. To me the value and richness of a close personal relationship outweighs anything that dancing would ever provide. And I have had these with dancers and they have more or less muddled through alright after we broke up. And for each relationship we connected differently and moved from a public to a more intimate arena differently. All I say is if you pursue it and if you are honest with yourself you will know if it is true and reciprocated.

[LovingIt28]

hmmm..seems that you don't want take any advice discouraging you from your course of action...so I won't give it...quite like that.. ;-)

You need to be able to sort out what is going on with you and only YOU can do that. To distinguish between being attracted to a person for their wit/looks /public conversations and what happens privately.

Then you also mention that you don't want to mess up your learning salsa. It is a fact that if you pursue this person in any way shape or form, you risk that. And no matter how much advice we give you it really doens't matter as we don't know her and you that well. She teaches, is an instructor at your studio. If you continue with salsa it is quite possible you will be interacting with her in class...and also socially.

To go beyond a platonic simple everyday public relationship, which is what she and you have, a risk must be taken. And you will risk messing up your salsa...unless you and she both have the required maturity. So many ifs...

I would say, only if you are willing to risk messing up salsa should you do anything further. Me? If I think there is something I risk it. To me the value and richness of a close personal relationship outweighs anything that dancing would ever provide. And I have had these with dancers and they have more or less muddled through alright after we broke up. And for each relationship we connected differently and moved from a public to a more intimate arena differently. All I say is if you pursue it and if you are honest with yourself you will know if it is true and reciprocated.



Great post. I would 'risk' it FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!

Salsa places in the world - 99999999999999999 (including my mirror :) )
Girl = 1 * I believe everyone is an individual, despite the (many fish in the sea) cliche, each fish is different and the chemistry and final product of each mix is also different.

I base my relationships by being with someone that I believe ENHANCES my life. Thus the mix is good :)

I will take an active INDIRECT approach though.

[LovingIt28]

Flirt outregeously with everyone on the dance floor. If there's a special attraction there you will feel a big difference from her. Anything on the dance floor is left on the dance floor.

Off the dance floor - become friends with her and her friends. Be a gentleman but not a sap. If she's interested she'll let you know.

(from experience, that's all I will say)

Great suggestion, thanks!!!

I see this as anactive INDIRECT approach in that it would not impede upon her dancing/lifestyle/social world if she is not interested.

However, I will modify your suggestion to my own personality and style. I WILL DANCE MY BEST and PUT MY SOUL into every dance so that everyone on and off the dancefloor wants to dance with me for my passion (including me :) ) My passion shines through every dance.

* On Tuesday, perhaps I imagined it but I looked over at her at the desk a couple of times during breaks in class and she was looking at me. But then after class she did talk city with heaps of guys. Not that flirty though. *You could see she was more comfortable with some then others though. (eg. very forward posture with some, very backward posture with others)

Great posts so far everyone, thanks!!!!!!!

[quixotedlm]

lol - best I rephrase my question - Based on the information provided, what can you recommend/suggest to give me the best chance of success in this situation trying to balance building a relationship (friendship or otherwise) with the girl and not detracting from either of our passions which is dancing.



Four, or Six months ago, I decided that I needed to do something about one of my own crushes who is very similar to yours. She doesn't teach partner dancing, but is skilled enough to be performing jazz/ballet on stage and and choreographs big ads etc. She's also a partner in my studio and is often seen there teaching hip-hop or modern.... and I had a crush on her since I started going there. Needless to say, she comes in contact with many men and there is no paucity of male attention towards her. How does a nobody-guy go about getting to know her? I started out with smiling, just saying hi, asking her what she's reading (if she has a book) and so on. And over time, the small talk grew... one day, I asked her if she danced salsa and she said that she didn't. So I showed her some basics... Other guys saw me doing that and copied my idea (which seemed to work for them too, but somehow they are not around and i am... so i still see some possibilites here..) but that pretty much caused us to get to know each other somewhat better. I was already a pretty good lead by then, so pre-existing credibility helped :) Has it gone anywhere beyong that? Not really.... All the factors that were against me before are still there - she is a pro in what she does, she gets plenty of male attention (that she doesn't seem to want much - but now I get to hear about it which is cool :) ). I have no great emotional investment here - if something happens, then it's great. If not, then I've made a friend. Although I wish something would happen still... This is probably my longest crush ever that I didn't make a move upon or walk away from... So the key is persistance and waiting for the opportunity (and living your life normally and not be hung up on her). Maybe something will happen over time (and maybe not). Also, being from completely different worlds (me - salsa hobbyist, her-non-partner style dance pro who spends all her time around dancers), we don't have much opportunity to spend time together outside our dance studio (or related contexts) - which is a fundamentally broken scenario because for any relationship to work, you need to build it across several parts of each of your lives to have a honest shot at even evaluating if it will ever work...

So if you would like to - then persist and go slow. Over time, you'll be a better dancer and she'll come under your radar more often because you'll dance with her, and if it's a small studio environemnt, you might even socialize more. Another personal example - someone I am grateful for dancing wth me in my early days of salsa, an extremely good dancer herself - mentioned the other day that she'd like to go to a salsa festival at a nearby city and maybe we can plan a trip together. i'd never thought that i'd be friends with this girl, and suddenly, i realize that we've been to the same parties for some time now, we meet with friends and do stuff that gives me much opportunity to pursue her if that's what i want to. I don't think that would have been possible as a beginner, but with skill comes opportunities (in personal life, as well as dance).

So at the risk of being overly repetitive, I'd say - patience and persistance are the keys here that could give you success, i.e., if you are a somewhat lucky chap :)

Now what do I really think your chances are (or mine) of actually succeeding - not good.Closer to zilch. I hope you are used to winning when the odds are against you...

ps: it's kinda pathetic - this story. if someone told me this as their story, i'd beat 'em over with a broomstick and get them straightened out, and make 'em get over this whole thing a get a life etc... so hold those well meaning brickbats...

[quixotedlm]

* On Tuesday, perhaps I imagined it but I looked over at her at the desk a couple of times during breaks in class and she was looking at me.

You sure you weren't doing the kangaroo on springs thing when she (and everyone else) was watching you ;)

[GTO Bruin]

* On Tuesday, perhaps I imagined it but I looked over at her at the desk a couple of times during breaks in class and she was looking at me. But then after class she did talk city with heaps of guys. Not that flirty though. *You could see she was more comfortable with some then others though. (eg. very forward posture with some, very backward posture with others)

They say LOVE is blind!! :rolleyes:

[tj]

Now what do I really think your chances are (or mine) of actually succeeding - not good.Closer to zilch. I hope you are used to winning when the odds are against you...

ps: it's kinda pathetic - this story. if someone told me this as their story, i'd beat 'em over with a broomstick and get them straightened out, and make 'em get over this whole thing a get a life etc... so hold those well meaning brickbats...
Lol, Q. If nothing else, you've made me smile with these stories of yours.

Good luck to all of you guys in your "pursuits". ;)

[LovingIt28]

Four, or Six months ago, I decided that I needed to do something about one of my own crushes who is very similar to yours. She doesn't teach partner dancing, but is skilled enough to be performing jazz/ballet on stage and and choreographs big ads etc. She's also a partner in my studio and is often seen there teaching hip-hop or modern.... and I had a crush on her since I started going there. Needless to say, she comes in contact with many men and there is no paucity of male attention towards her. How does a nobody-guy go about getting to know her? I started out with smiling, just saying hi, asking her what she's reading (if she has a book) and so on. And over time, the small talk grew... one day, I asked her if she danced salsa and she said that she didn't. So I showed her some basics... Other guys saw me doing that and copied my idea (which seemed to work for them too, but somehow they are not around and i am... so i still see some possibilites here..) but that pretty much caused us to get to know each other somewhat better. I was already a pretty good lead by then, so pre-existing credibility helped :) Has it gone anywhere beyong that? Not really.... All the factors that were against me before are still there - she is a pro in what she does, she gets plenty of male attention (that she doesn't seem to want much - but now I get to hear about it which is cool :) ). I have no great emotional investment here - if something happens, then it's great. If not, then I've made a friend. Although I wish something would happen still... This is probably my longest crush ever that I didn't make a move upon or walk away from... So the key is persistance and waiting for the opportunity (and living your life normally and not be hung up on her). Maybe something will happen over time (and maybe not). Also, being from completely different worlds (me - salsa hobbyist, her-non-partner style dance pro who spends all her time around dancers), we don't have much opportunity to spend time together outside our dance studio (or related contexts) - which is a fundamentally broken scenario because for any relationship to work, you need to build it across several parts of each of your lives to have a honest shot at even evaluating if it will ever work...

So if you would like to - then persist and go slow. Over time, you'll be a better dancer and she'll come under your radar more often because you'll dance with her, and if it's a small studio environemnt, you might even socialize more. Another personal example - someone I am grateful for dancing wth me in my early days of salsa, an extremely good dancer herself - mentioned the other day that she'd like to go to a salsa festival at a nearby city and maybe we can plan a trip together. i'd never thought that i'd be friends with this girl, and suddenly, i realize that we've been to the same parties for some time now, we meet with friends and do stuff that gives me much opportunity to pursue her if that's what i want to. I don't think that would have been possible as a beginner, but with skill comes opportunities (in personal life, as well as dance).

So at the risk of being overly repetitive, I'd say - patience and persistance are the keys here that could give you success, i.e., if you are a somewhat lucky chap :)

Now what do I really think your chances are (or mine) of actually succeeding - not good.Closer to zilch. I hope you are used to winning when the odds are against you...

ps: it's kinda pathetic - this story. if someone told me this as their story, i'd beat 'em over with a broomstick and get them straightened out, and make 'em get over this whole thing a get a life etc... so hold those well meaning brickbats...



Hey,

Thanks for the great post! I have been defying odds etc. all my life. Well practiced :)

As for your situation, I say go for it (my personality coming through though). Ask the girl out or do something to distinguish yourself from just her 'friend' etc.

Do not be afraid to Like her. It is natural. There is NOTHING wrong with liking someone. You just have to be mature about it and not cause un-necessary discomfort for either party if it does not work out as well as you would like.

Also, you are NOT a nobody. YOU ARE SOMEBODY!!! NEVER think someone is out of your league etc. How does one measure and compare others? Who SAYS how people compare others is HOW THAT PARTICULAR PERSON THINKS?

My last girlfriend was ABSOLUTELY stunning in every way. One of those rare people that supposedly has it all and a great down to earth personality also. I honestly would imagine her with the richest, nicest, sweetest, most masculine, fittest celebrity with everything. HOWEVER, THOSE things did not interest her. She liked me because I was different. I was me. WE ARE ALL AS ATTRACTIVE AS WE WANT TO BE AND FEEL.

*sidenote: We outgrew our relationship and realised we were incompatible with life values and direction. A beautiful experience and great learning opportunity.

The point is, NEVER limit youself. Whatever you dream, you CAN achieve!

Its up to you.


*disclaimer: hmmm, tough taking advice from someone looking for advice but hey, make the most of your opportunities. Good look and God bless!!!!

[quixotedlm]

*disclaimer: hmmm, tough taking advice from someone looking for advice but hey, make the most of your opportunities. Good look and God bless!!!!

:rolleyes:

[dansah]

OMG. If you like her, then ask her out. She may say yes---That's good. She may say no; that's not as good. BUT, no harm no foul. Asking her is complimentary. You may interpret her "no" as embarassing, but at least you tried. Be a guy and go for it. The downside is minimal, the upside I assume to be astronomical based upon your description.
However, your odds are not good. The prior paragraph ignores the complications of "yes" which, in the dance world, are greater than "no". The yes issues deal with the problems of dating within dance circles. These are well documented in this and other parts of the forums. Most instructors are aware of this and will avoid dating students.

[road2graciousness]

Damn it, infatuation sucks.

I find it somewhat inhibits your (my) ability to be natural and relaxed and spontaneous. Why is this? I think it's because we start seeing possible outcomes in a situation with another person, we desire one outcome more than an other, so we become all contrived and calculated (to a degree) and lose our relaxed natural state.

Often times, a person can like someone of the opposite sex, and when you've gotten to know her (or him) better, you find out you just don't gel or arn't compatiable after all. So all that worrying for nothing.

I think the trick, is to stay in your relaxed natural state, while in the company of someone you're attracted to, without trying to sway things one way or another, just responding naturally.

One thing though, I think it's good for the guy to let a girl know when he fancies her. It's not a good idea to keep it bottled up. It's a very good habit to let her know.

The question is, how best and most tactfully to do that?

[LovingIt28]

Great replies.

BRILLIANT NEWS! Had the best night out with her last night.

Went Salsa social dancing for the first time ever. (could stay out late one night but usually must leave early before social starts). Anyway, REALLY tough night on the dance floor as only dancing 4 weeks and danced with some really advanced people and the casino rueda.

Anyway, the girl, WHO SEEMS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERSON, unfortunately hurt her ankle :( I said hi before class then after class was just sitting around watching the BEAUTIFUL BRILLIANT dancing. Wow. She came over to chat to me saying 'I am bored'. I USUALLY HATE THAT when a girl says this because they are about as interesting as a cold fish in the face on a winter morning :)

But she was cool. Did not really say much (noisy club) but she stayed for ages and it just felt really nice. I left later and kept repeating 'she is SO beautiful!' over and over :)

Hard to describe but just this BEAUTIFUL person vibe. Lovely.

No matter what happens, I love moments like these

:)

[GTO Bruin]

...She came over to chat to me saying 'I am bored'....

Sounds like an opening for you to have suggested an alternate plan. Missed opportunity?:bkick:

[LovingIt28]

Sounds like an opening for you to have suggested an alternate plan. Missed opportunity?:bkick:

The worst missed opportunity was at the end when she said she probably would not be at class for a while and I did not ask for her number or email. I gave her a hug instead and said I hope your ankle gets better soon. I wanted too ask her out/get number so badly but the possibility of messing with dancing and the great vibe we all had stopped me. The fear.

It is true, when you have nothing to lose you are so free. I love that but then again I truly want to respect the dance scene and her experience and job. At the end of the day, it is a job for her no matter how fun.

Am I making excuses I wonder? I am considering getting some special balm (I hurt my ankle a lot) and giving it to her as a gift next class. I suspect she will not be there though. Do you think a) appropriate AND b) appropriate if she is not at class, to give to her friend or other instructors?

*little note saying: hope this helps, Rodney (phone number and email) so ball is in her court?????

[LovingIt28]

noooooooo


just found out she has a boyfriend from a mutual friend. Oh well. REALLY nice to have the crush anyway. This girl is wonderful to be around. Great presence and charisma. Just shows that I am hanging with a good group of people.

Obviously I will not ask for a number or do anything now. I am a man with morals :) :) :)

[road2graciousness]

Oh no! Well, keep a happy heart LovingIt28, and enjoy the dancing ...

I still don't understand why it is bad for a man to let the girl know that he likes her. Surely this can be done in a polite and respectful manner, to let her know, yet at same time, acknowledge that nothing can come of it. All done in a polite way. Is this possible?

[quixotedlm]

Oh no! Well, keep a happy heart LovingIt28, and enjoy the dancing ...

I still don't understand why it is bad for a man to let the girl know that he likes her. Surely this can be done in a polite and respectful manner, to let her know, yet at same time, acknowledge that nothing can come of it. All done in a polite way. Is this possible?

How would you do it?

[Josh]

I left later and kept repeating 'she is SO beautiful!' over and over :)

glad you had a good time... but, you sound like a lovesick puppy :wink: Infatuation often manifests itself in terms of things like this (repeating a scenario or experience over and over in your mind).

[Josh]

I still don't understand why it is bad for a man to let the girl know that he likes her. Surely this can be done in a polite and respectful manner, to let her know, yet at same time, acknowledge that nothing can come of it. All done in a polite way. Is this possible?

It's not BAD--it's just a course destined to backfire in 9/10 cases. So, you let her know that you like her.

Case A: she liked you as well, but now is not so into you, as part of the whole fun of liking you was the mystique, and now that she knows she has you by the *****, she loses interest.

Case B: she did not like you, and was not already into you, and feels sort of bad, so gets into 'pity' mode for your sake, and then contact with her is awkward (probably).

[salsamale]

How would you do it?
Him: "You know, when I first met you, I had a small crush on you ..."

Her: (blushing) "And now?"

Him: "Well, now I know that you have a boyfriend, I'm just glad to dance with you." (smile) :)

*violins*

[GTO Bruin]

Him: "You know, when I first met you, I had a small crush on you ..."

Her: (blushing) "And now?"

Him: "Well, now I know that you have a boyfriend, I'm just glad to dance with you." (smile) :)

*violins*

Salsamale - :applause: Maybe you can be on call whenever some of us need help with our game. Mine's not so great - unless awkwardness is endearing. :nope:

[road2graciousness]

How would you do it?

I don't do it quix. I wouldn't know how to in any case.

I have spent a large part of my life being painfully shy with girls, and although salsa has changed me (quite a bit), I still struggle with girls I like.

I find it best not to make any effort with them, or make a move. I have had way too many bad and humiliating experiences to bother.

So I just dance. Which I love to do.

[road2graciousness]

It's not BAD--it's just a course destined to backfire in 9/10 cases. So, you let her know that you like her.

Case A: she liked you as well, but now is not so into you, as part of the whole fun of liking you was the mystique, and now that she knows she has you by the *****, she loses interest.

Case B: she did not like you, and was not already into you, and feels sort of bad, so gets into 'pity' mode for your sake, and then contact with her is awkward (probably).


Huh, yeah! Makes a lot sense.

[dansah]

Guys, just cause she has a boyfriend doesn't mean you can't ask her out. You don't know they're exclusive. Its not immoral to ask. She, at worst, will say no. "No" has no negative consequences other than disappointment. You should be proud of yourself for having the nerve to try. If it doesn't work out, don't be embarassed around her and she'll be comfortable around you.
Confidence makes life much easier even if you have to fake it occasionally.

[Indiana_Jay]

Guys, just cause she has a boyfriend doesn't mean you can't ask her out. You don't know they're exclusive. Its not immoral to ask. She, at worst, will say no. "No" has no negative consequences other than disappointment. You should be proud of yourself for having the nerve to try. If it doesn't work out, don't be embarassed around her and she'll be comfortable around you.
Confidence makes life much easier even if you have to fake it occasionally.

You have spoken wisely, grasshopper.

[devane]

I one of my many teenage crappy jobs (Burgerking), there was this French girl who used to greet people like you was really pleased to see you, maybe giving an over the top interest in you/giving false signals. My friend told me she had a boyfriend who work here also. It was just her personality.
We used to get a kick out of watching her say hello to some guy, he'd get stand there after she'd leave with a smile on his face starring at her thinking "I'm in there".

What's the american equivalent of "Get your coat love, you've pulled".:cool:
You should try that.

[LovingIt28]

Thanks everyone,

Great replies as always!

I am just having fun and learning. Whatever else comes is a bonus. What will be will be.

:)

[LovingIt28]

Him: "You know, when I first met you, I had a small crush on you ..."

Her: (blushing) "And now?"

Him: "Well, now I know that you have a boyfriend, I'm just glad to dance with you." (smile) :)

*violins*

BRILLIANT!!!!

[LovingIt28]

glad you had a good time... but, you sound like a lovesick puppy :wink: Infatuation often manifests itself in terms of things like this (repeating a scenario or experience over and over in your mind).


Its true. Well said. Whatever I am feeling/feel, I LIKE it. It is nice. Even if it does not go anywhere it is great to have a connection and nice feelings.

As long as I am mature, do not lose my head and do not let fear or anything else limit me then it will all work out well :)

[LovingIt28]

Guys, just cause she has a boyfriend doesn't mean you can't ask her out. You don't know they're exclusive. Its not immoral to ask. She, at worst, will say no. "No" has no negative consequences other than disappointment. You should be proud of yourself for having the nerve to try. If it doesn't work out, don't be embarassed around her and she'll be comfortable around you.
Confidence makes life much easier even if you have to fake it occasionally.


GREAT POST!!!!!

I live in a backwater town style place though. Every girl I meet seems to have a partner. Girls get married/de facto VERY early. If you are different then you get stared at etc.

Small town mentality of reputations etc.

However, I COMPLETELY agree with your post. Brilliant! As long as, whatever happens, I still have a great time around her and everyone else then everything is fine. I guess that is the maturity component.

thanks again

[kfineyouw1n]

Just keep dancing salsa, practice, practice practice. Eventually, she'll see how good you have gotten and may even compliment your dancing. And eventually, if you get really good, she'll want to dance with you, since it'll be hard not to notice your skills on the dance floor ;) Who knows, if you practice a lot lot lot lot lot, you may even surpass her :cool:

Then you can be a panty dropper like me... haha syke... but yeah just keep practicing.

[LovingIt28]

Just keep dancing salsa, practice, practice practice. Eventually, she'll see how good you have gotten and may even compliment your dancing. And eventually, if you get really good, she'll want to dance with you, since it'll be hard not to notice your skills on the dance floor ;) Who knows, if you practice a lot lot lot lot lot, you may even surpass her :cool:

Then you can be a panty dropper like me... haha syke... but yeah just keep practicing.


Lol, thanks :)

[LovingIt28]

UPDATE:

I bit the bullet and asked her out. She said yes. We have been seeing each other for a little while now and things ARE GREAT! Beyond great actually! We get along so well!!!

* Personality wise not dancing wise but that is a bonus. (I do not dance that much with her and not much more now, just great to chill out).

Mmmmmmmmm, thanks for the posts everyone.

* she leaves soon anyway so shortlived enjoyment :( :(

But better to have met than to have not!

[tj]

:-) :-)

[dansah]

Wow, great job! It'll be easier next time.

[naturallove]

UPDATE:

I bit the bullet and asked her out. She said yes. We have been seeing each other for a little while now and things ARE GREAT! Beyond great actually! We get along so well!!!

* Personality wise not dancing wise but that is a bonus. (I do not dance that much with her and not much more now, just great to chill out).

Mmmmmmmmm, thanks for the posts everyone.

* she leaves soon anyway so shortlived enjoyment :( :(

But better to have met than to have not!

That's awesome! Glad it worked out!

[quixotedlm]

nice!

i never know how to make the 'bite the bullet' conversations. i can be indirect in showing interest, suggest activities that are not labeled a 'date', but no idea how to directly express interest. must be a birth defect :|