How to not get discouraged

[SambaRumbaGirl]

So recently my partner and I competed at a decent sized comp. There were TONS of good people in our level. We were a little intimidated, but decided to just go out there and have fun with hopes that we could keep improving our recall numbers. Well... our recalls were the worst of any competition. We felt a little better about our dance and tried to incorporate all of our lessons. We came in last, which is disappointing and a downer. My partner is pretty bummed and told me he needs a break for this week at least. It's hard not to get disappointed and discouraged when you see how bad the results are and how much money and time we put in. Unfortunately we do not put in the 5 days a week as our competitors, so we have to take that into account. But still, it's hard to come in last. I took off a few days to get away from dance, but I'm going to regroup and take a lesson this Sat (on my own without my partner) and try practicing by myself tonight. Any advice?

[samina]

recoup, regroup, don't be hard on yourselves, SRG... and just get right back at it when you're ready! don't make too big a deal of it either way with yourselves... just reinspire yourselves into action. :)

everthing is cyclical, anyway. you'll hit a new stride eventually and see improvement that'll make you feel good about what you can do.
:D

[chica latina]

A few questions: Is this the first time you compete against that group? Do you see an improvement for the time and money you are investing? If you are not improving I will take time to analyze your situation and will ask these questions:

-Are we practicing right?
-Does the teacher I'm taking lessons suits me?
-How good is your teacher (experienced teacher and dancer)? Does his/her other students do well?

I'll try also getting some advice from an sincere advanced competitor that you may know and would have seen you (not related to your teacher) and ask why he/she thinks you didnt do well.

Hope this helps.

[fascination]

it really is important IME not to look at the results of one comp...but rather at the overall trend at the year's end...so many facotors come into play...it is the only sane way to do it IMO...and far less self-defeating

[Al Gisnered]

It's a bummer. The only thing that ever works for me is to try to get back in touch with the "why" I dance, not the "how". I watch some really good dancing -- not to analyze it but simply to enjoy it. Then I make myself put on some shoes and dance. For a bit, anyway.

[SambaRumbaGirl]

We had finally made a round at nationals (made it into quarter finals open am) but that was the only place that we had made a round. It feels like we are doing better, but I haven't seen that consistently in the results. We take from competing Pros that consistently place high in comps around the country and all of their couples seem to do well. So maybe it's just us. I'm hoping we haven't stalled in progress.

[Kitty]

must be a super tough comp if a national quaterfinalist gets last place!

where was this?

[latingal]

Hey SRG, you have my empathy. You have been receiving some really good advice from the posters. I agree with all that they have suggested.

I will add one more suggestion, make goals for yourselves for each comp that are unrelated to placing. Make the goals a bit of a stretch but reasonable. Each comp then you have an opportunity to accomplish something that will take you that much closer to being the dancer you want to be. Depending on placements as your only yardstick is fraught with issues since judging is an imperfect system.

Best of luck to you SRG, and let us know how you're doing...

[elisedance]

Sambarumbagirl, (foxtrot specialist eh?)

First: take your partner to the best dance club and go wild. Dance, as they say, as if no one is watching - as stated above, dancing has to be about dancing and enjoyment first else its just mechanics.

Second: I just did the same thing! we placed first in our last but one competition and then dead last (6th) at Michigan. I had lots of excuses - first and formost, I think we came up on at least four of the top couples in N america (I'm sure others there could clarify that for me); we drove down from Toronto planning to have 4 hours before competing, only to discover that we had only an hour and though we did dance well, it was definitely not our best.

[elisedance]

darn - that one got posted before I was ready! Mis-hit a key I think....

Anyhow, to continue, the strap on my shoe was loose seconds before going on, which distracted us both (it wasn't a problem) etc etc.

Fortunately, I got a tape. The tape tells the truth: while I have been concentrating lately on learning new routines and steps (my pro loves a change, what can I say - and I am getting better at learning and also following when I forget!). We have also worked hard on top lines and frames etc etc - just as you all do. And the tape was pretty good in all but quickstep (syllabus does NOT look good when everyone else is doing open!).

HOWEVER. The real reason we placed badly, to my eye, was that with all the focus on the fine art of open (which is still new to me) my feet were not comming together in waltz. Yes, my basic method, usually a strength, had just fallen apart. So thatst the point of this long post. In my opinion, if you do good basics you are very unlikely to come last. Thus, my strategy for my own dancing is to go back to the coach and say: OK next few lessons I only want to work on basics. And this would be best one-on-one for both of you.

Do we have a thread on 'what do judges look for?' If not we should have. I'm gonna run upstairs and check in the attic. If not, see you all in a minute.............

[Laura]

Hi Sambarumbagirl, this happened to me once. I had been working hard toward going to the Pro/Am Nationals, and my teacher (who was a US Rising Star winner and a US Open Pro finalist, so I'd assume he knows what he's doing and what he was talking about), said that he thought we'd do really well at the competition.

We came in last place.

It took me a really long time to get over it.

Discouragement and disappointment happens. You can't avoid it.

What finally helped me get over it, after four years of trying various things (changing styles, changing partners, starting doing Amateur, stopping doing Pro/Am) was quitting dancing. I quit for six weeks and was convinced I'd never take another lesson or compete again.

But I found I missed it. I'd watch people dancing on TV and I'd cry. But I didn't know what to do, didn't want to look for a partner, all I wanted was to just feel like I loved dancing again. I am very lucky in that a second chance presented itself to me, and I have been back dancing again for a year and loving every second of it. My attitude is completely changed, I feel so much happier and stronger and freer about what I'm doing, I can fully enjoy it again and have better focus than ever before. I've also improved far beyond what I ever thought possible, and see that while I still have very VERY far to go, I am up for making the effort.

That's my story...yours will probably be different, but I wanted you to hear something other than the kind of chirpy practical advice and admonishments to "just get over it" that I was getting/giving myself.

[liz]

I don't know about you, but I am a very type A personality. I don't do anything half way. I have a really hard time with not winning. This is an issue that I am personally working on. I think everyone gets down on themselves and questions why anyone would do this to them selves..Like spend crazy amounts of money on lessons, dresses, comps.ect. I have to stop every now and again to make sure my reasons are just... When I get down and I get down quite abit, I remember that we are all so lucky to have the chance to experience the joy that we all get from dancing. So many people push their dreams and passions to the back burner and let life get away from them. Itless you are dancing and trying... I may never be the best, but itless we don't let fear of failling stop us.
I live two states from my partner. I go to train once or twice a month. The rest of the time I am alone with a vidoe of our material. I have no one to turn to help me when I have an issue. On those days I cry sometimes, others I get angery at my situation, and then there are days I just look at myself and say,no I won't feel sorry for myself. I am going to get up tomorrow and practice just like today... Just remember this is meant to be fun. Everything else is gravy...

[Genesius Redux]

Hey SRG--

Sorry to hear you're discouraged. I think everyone else is giving really good advice, although I tend to fall more into line with Elise--maybe spend some time dancing just for fun.

There is an implicit problem with the way ballroom turns everything into a competition. I tend to think less in terms of competition than I do in terms of performance. My focus is on my performance within the parameters that I have to work with (including the time that I've had to prepare, the stress level at the comp, whether I'm hung over, etc.). No matter where I am, how I feel, or what the situation, I can always pay as close attention to what I'm doing as I know how.

You totally cannot control your placement. You cannot control how you're performance is perceived. You can only control your own concentration and focus. (You can't control your partner). Dance as well as you can in the situation. You cannot determine how good you will be. You can determine how truthful you will be.

This is something I say to my actors all the time. Don't push it. Don't try to make it happen. Be honest, be aware, be alive. Live the moment. Be the moment. The moment is you. The dance, the steps, everything. Embrace it.

[latingal]

This is something I say to my actors all the time. Don't push it. Don't try to make it happen. Be honest, be aware, be alive. Live the moment. Be the moment. The moment is you. The dance, the steps, everything. Embrace it.

Wise words GR. They pave the path to dancing heaven in my opinion. The joy we feel when we LIVE our dance...

[SambaRumbaGirl]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm having a lesson tomorrow by myself to work on my own dancing without focusing on my partner. It's good to put everything into perspective. I'm lucky to be able to do this period. I agree that it's hard to not be competitive, but I've just got to focus on myself and no one else. I'll let you know how it goes... :-)