When leader is asking for a feedback

[vey]

Hi guys!
Recently in class I was asked for a feedback on leading multiple turns. Honestly speaking, the leader was OK but we haven't "clicked" and I felt "pulled back" while turning.
But being a beginner I didn't feel like criticizing him (what if it was me who was taking big steps :shock: ), so answered that his lead was OK and the guy commented "just OK?" but didn't question me further.

Any advice on what I should have done?

[tsb]

Hi guys!
Recently in class I was asked for a feedback on leading multiple turns. Honestly speaking, the leader was OK but we haven't "clicked" and I felt "pulled back" while turning.
But being a beginner I didn't feel like criticizing him (what if it was me who was taking big steps :shock: ), so answered that his lead was OK and the guy commented "just OK?" but didn't question me further.

Any advice on what I should have done?

if the guy seemed sincere in his request for feedback i don't see why you shouldn't have said exactly what you told us: that you felt "pulled back" while turning.

i don't know what that means to you and i don't want to guess. i suspect he would want a little more clarification. as long as he doesn't try to offer you unsolicited advice on your dancing, i would suggest that you be honest and express it in a way that conveys how it felt to you, "i felt like ______" as this is probably the way that is least likely to provoke a defensive reaction on his part - not that it won't ever happen anyway. if he says anything other than thanks (after your giving any more clarification he may request), you can always say "hey, you asked me for feedback on your lead."

also, i would like to say that feedback from a "beginner" is just as if not often more useful valid advice than from an "advanced" dancer; leaders don't develop clearer leading skills from dancing only with experienced dancers - it's dancing with beginners that provides an accurate gauge
of how unambiguous a leader's signals are - and good leaders know better than to try and lead a move that the follower cannot perform smoothly.

[Sagitta]

Ask and you shall receive. He asks, you give, he receives. :)

[borikensalsero]

An honest comment of someone's lead, when asked for, is usually very welcomed. At times leaders know that something isn't right but we can't pinpoint it, at which time the best advice comes from the person feeling the lead, hence, helping us over come a sticking point. :D

You should have nicely told him what you felt.

[vey]

Thanks guys :!:

You're right, I should have been more direct.

It's just that, I find it so frustrating when occasionally leaders are trying to "teach" me or comment on the way I'm doing certain moves (and that includes that particular leader as well) that I promised myself to give a feedback only when it's positive. I really need to learn how to give a not so positive feedback (when asked) and still be supportive.
************************************************** ***********
How come, that leaders that can really teach me smth are usually just being pleasant and helpful, and even if they give me unsolicited feedback, it's constructive and completely unoffensive. :?: :!:

I just had a couple of unpleasant examples in the past week and needed to vent. :cry: :cry: :cry: Thanks for listening.

[borikensalsero]

Thanks guys :!:

You're right, I should have been more direct.

It's just that, I find it so frustrating when occasionally leaders are trying to "teach" me or comment on the way I'm doing certain moves (and that includes that particular leader as well) that I promised myself to give a feedback only when it's positive. I really need to learn how to give a not so positive feedback (when asked) and still be supportive.
************************************************** ***********
How come, that leaders that can really teach me smth are usually just being pleasant and helpful, and even if they give me unsolicited feedback, it's constructive and completely unoffensive. :?: :!:

I just had a couple of unpleasant examples in the past week and needed to vent. :cry: :cry: :cry: Thanks for listening.

Feedback is always positive. Anything that can make a dancer grow can only be positive. That it talks about a short coming of a dancer doesn't make it a negative feedback.

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

I promised myself to give a feedback only when it's positive. I really need to learn how to give a not so positive feedback (when asked) and still be supportive.

Hi Vey,

Actually I used to do this too - only give feedback when it´s positive. Even worse, I would say It was "OK" (in a not very convincing way) when it wasn´t (just not to hurt her feelings). I don´t do this anymore!! The reason for this is that I discovered she´d continue doing it wrong for a long period of time, sometimes forever. I realised this was my fault and responsibility!

Now, when my partner asks me for feedback, I tell them the truth (in a diplomatic way of course). I usually say something like,

"The advanced girls do it this way...."
or
"To make it really feel good, do it like this..."

I even once told a girl, "Do want to make all the guys drool over you to get a dance?" I then explained to her everything I liked in a follower. We danced 4 salsas. The first 3 were go-no-go, i.e., I would stop dancing, explain something, show how she should do it, and then restart. The 4th and last salsa was simply to dance with her and enjoy the music. This last salsa was fantastic! I reached nirvana and so did she (I could tell by her eyes). Anyway, after 4 salsas she became a great follower (at least for that night). The next time I met her in a club (about 2 weeks later) she was back to her bad dance habits. Oh well, you can´t win them all.

I tend to take feedback requests as a compliment. I realise the if she/he asks for feedback it´s usually means one of two things:

- she/he thinks you´re a better or more experienced dancer
- they consider your opinion to be important

Most of the time it´s both, which really does wonders for your ego.

Hope this helped.