Question not for Faint Hearted, Do Not Read if easily Offended!

[spectator]

Ok guys,
it's been a while but I have a new dilema. It's something I can't really talk to people about face to face as it is a bit embarrassing.

Men with erections during close embrace Tango. Especially if you are a very short girl dancing with a tall man.

Now, let me make clear, I'm sure it isn't anything personal and having a woman pressed up against you is often going to trigger a stirring (especially in younger guys). how do you deal with it?

I have always just tried to dance on through and ignore it, if it is pressed up I try to move my body off it and carry on as if I didn't notice. Recently though a friend told me that she had done this and thought it was fine, but the guy apparently thought that she carried on dancing with him because she was "showing her approval" and came on to her as they left the venue.

To dance or not to dance? That is the question. A male friend (who couldn't help me out because he's not a dancer) of mine reckoned there is some kind of underpants that can keep things under control or at least undetectacle. he may have been making it up since we were pissed at the time.

I hope this isn't too racey for the mods! Cheers for your help.

PS I'm a girl! A good RC girl! I've no idea the mechanics of this stuff!

[Steve Pastor]

The other night on the Jay Leno show, Leno reported that 20 year old males become fully aroused in an average of 10 seconds. (There was no word on guys my age, but I say, thank goodness I'm older!) I was talking to one of my friends this Sunday, and she reported that one young guy she danced with had to go and sit down, he was so embarrassed by himself.
I think this is one of the reasons young guys prefer an open embrace.

If you are dancing apilado, your pelvic areas should not be touching. I've been know to tell women who were in contact with me there, "that's nice, but it's not tango".

I have been taught that the woman determines the embrace in tango. If you are uncomfortable in any way, or for any reason, with the embrace you are in, you can uses your arms to increase the distance between you. Or, you could say something like "I think I'd be more comfortable in an open embrace" to the guy.
It's your body.

I think I'll pass on the clothing as camo on this one!
(I guess I'm not as open as Bill Clinton.)

[spectator]

Yeah it is more of a problem with the younger ones...
the main problem is when a 5'1" girl in flats dances with a 6'2" or above guy, his crotch is level with at least your stomach and if there is a protuberance it can close the gap. God I'm so graphic, maybe I should ring up the Graham Norton show and get him to sort it out...

[quixotedlm]

don't know about tango, but do know about guys, and know what you mean by close embrace in tango - so i've an opinion to share :) and i can do a few things in salsa where the girl would certainly feel the erection if i had one, so i've context to say something that's a bit relevant ;)

guys can always feel their erection, and they will always feel it when it touches another person. it's very trivial to continue being in close embrace while not letting the pelvic area touch the woman by pushing his butt out just a wee bit and losing just the pelvic contact, while still maintaining an almost-zero separation. if the guy is not doing anything to prevent your from feeling it, he is being deliberate (even if he is pretending to not have a choice in the matter as a consequence of the type of embrace you are in, it's just taking advantage of the fact that many a woman would not be absolutely sure that he is being deliberate).

Now this does not mean that he is being very rude, but he is certainly being bold - the equivalent of saying that I'm excited by proximity to you and I want you to know and acknowledge that. If you move away, then he'll take the hint. If you come closer or give him a knowing smile/wink, that will also be a hint. If you do nothing and pretend as if you didn't notice anything, it will confuse him aplenty, or make him susceptible to arriving at an incorrect conclusion based on misinterpreting your attitude.

so if you don't like it - please do something about it - like stepping about an inch away from him. and if that's not possible, at least make sure that your face clearly reflects your discomfort. if you don't know how to make such a face, practise in front of a mirror first ;)

[Ampster]

First off, your pelvic areas shold not be touching anyway. On occassion in the performance of some maneouvre, perhaps. But generally, no. The contact and lead is in the chest. Being in the proper tango posture (weight forward, over the balls of your feet), ensures this.

Now if it does happen, there are no underpants that would control it. Well, they would, but you would not be able to breathe, nor move. So, worst case, start dancing in open embrace. Or, out of respect, apologize profusely, feign a knee and/or back injury, escort her graciously to her seat and excuse yourself. You know its coming, so do something about it, before you embarass yourself and/or your partner.

Considering the very close contact in Argentinean Tango, it is the lead's responsibility of to be a respectful gentleman. If you don't, then you're just another creep.

[quixotedlm]

Remember, as the lead, it is your responsibility to be a gentleman.

spectator, i think, is a girl (and a follower).

and all's fair in love and war. imo, it's ok to resort to slightly less-than-gentlemanly tactics on occasion if it makes the difference between winning or losing a par'amor ;) of course, it has to be a fine balance.. .and only works if you are a gentleman to begin with who chooses to commit such a transgression ...


first talk of erection, now of paramour - fascination is going to have a great fit!

[Indiana_Jay]

... 20 year old males become fully aroused in an average of 10 seconds...

Fortunately, 1.) I'm considerably older and ... er ... slower to "respond." and b.) I don't dance AT.

[spectator]

Good to know! I didn't want to label anyone a Tango pervert, but in light of the above I don't think I've been over sensitive. I was so worried that if I opened right out to open embrace they'd know that I knew and it'd upset them, but if they haven't tried to remove the problem, they must know i know, so then it's too late to be worried about drawing attention to it!

It really freaks me out that there are some guys who'll have you doing little twisty things and staying very forward so the poor girl is trying not to crush his member as he is basically pulling her across it. (A guy did this to me once it was awful I could feel *everything* and I thought I was going to throw up, but I just smiled and tried to angle myself so it wasn't touching, poissibly not the best course of action)

[quixotedlm]

The other night on the Jay Leno show, Leno reported that 20 year old males become fully aroused in an average of 10 seconds.

I'm far from 20 - closer to 30. The statistic I believe isn't entirely inaccurate for the 30's either. And like other men have stated, it can take much longer too. I believe that this is one of those mind-over-matter things. The speed of response depends on the level/intensity of interest. As we get older, we learn much and recognize that every pretty girl isn't really pretty, so it affects us less. But yeah, with the right person and right mood, it can be much much less than 10 secs ;)

[Ampster]

spectator, i think, is a girl (and a follower).


Yes. And my point was that the man should do something about it BEFORE the partner notices, out of respect.

I mean it does happen, and one knows when it does.

[Ampster]

Good to know! I didn't want to label anyone a Tango pervert, but in light of the above I don't think I've been over sensitive. I was so worried that if I opened right out to open embrace they'd know that I knew and it'd upset them, but if they haven't tried to remove the problem, they must know i know, so then it's too late to be worried about drawing attention to it!

It really freaks me out that there are some guys who'll have you doing little twisty things and staying very forward so the poor girl is trying not to crush his member as he is basically pulling her across it. (A guy did this to me once it was awful I could feel *everything* and I thought I was going to throw up, but I just smiled and tried to angle myself so it wasn't touching, poissibly not the best course of action)

IMHO, you are perfectly right to feel the way you did. If you find yourself in a situation like that, be clear, shift to open so he gets the idea that he needs to "Chill." If he persists, then excuse yourself. He needs to be a tad more respectful.

[spectator]

Thanks Ampster, it's really good to have some validation on this, there will be a few of us girls who feel a bit more empowered to extricate ourselves.

[quixotedlm]

Yes. And my point was that the man should do something about it BEFORE the partner notices, out of respect.


my bad. didn't 'get' it in the first reading :)

[spectator]

I have just noticed a warning symbol-like that one your supposed to display when your car breaks down- on all my posts... do you think i've been marked up as a trouble maker?

[quixotedlm]

I have just noticed a warning symbol-like that one your supposed to display when your car breaks down- on all my posts... do you think i've been marked up as a trouble maker?

it means you are being naughty ;)

[Peaches]

Interesting that you notice it with taller guys...I notice more with shorter ones.

I can't think, offhand, of a specific instance where I was getting creepy vibes from a guy. There are some guys that I just know, because of how we dance together, that I'm going to be "feelin' him up." It's not a posture issue, it's not (so far as I can tell) that he's encouraging it...it's just the nature of how the two of us move together. If I think it's innocent, I ignore things. After a bit, I don't notice. Maybe by that point some of the "excitement" has worn off for him. *shrug* Maybe I've just gotten past noticing--contact happens in ballroom, it happens in AT...whatever. It's like getting past the point of noticing that I've got my chest pressed up against him.

But if I was getting icky vibes...I'd probably switch to open embrace. If he was being really inappropriate (comments and so forth, or trying to force the close embrace), I'd like to think I'd have the guts to end the tanda. And then avoid him.

[fascination]

mkay...have done very little AT, but did start ane entire thread on this long ago...issue was with shorter man and... um...uh...didn't really care to analyze degree of... er...alertness...but...um...socially, I would back off....if it is on a lesson, ignore it...nuff said...but uh, yea...can be a bit of a distraction

[tangotime]

Firstly , being of a generation raised by victorian Gr.Par. and parents, I believe everyone handled the topic with the utmost respect.

If you think this a problem in a.t.-- then imagine smooth dances , with full contact at all times .

[bordertangoman]

The other possibility is the v-frame so the main point of contact is the man's chest shoulder on his roght hand side and her left hand side shoulder and chest so contact in the middle of the bodies is far less. I don't like this style to dance to since it always feels like your heading in slightly different direstions, but it does break contact in the pelvic area.

Ther are other issues, which I shall endeavour to describe in euphamisms
ie the angle of elevation; if the man's erection is vertical then its easy for him to adjust his distance so as not be embarrassing. Anything else and I think its time to leave the dance floor and adjust his composure!

[Dave Bailey]

Men with erections during close embrace Tango. Especially if you are a very short girl dancing with a tall man.
As has already been said, that should never really be a problem in AT - there shouldn't be any below-the-waist contact; if there is, the position is wrong.

Other dances - e.g. salsa - can have a lot of groin contact, but not AT, as far as I know.

So, the chances are that either the guy's a perv, or a poor dancer, or both.

I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but in my experience with other dances, I think it's clear that most guys doing this know exactly what they're doing. And if you're getting "creep" vibes, then you should always trust your instincts, as they're usually right.

[newbie]

I remember an AT woman dancer, regular poster here, who explained that 90% of her partners had this when dancing with her.
On the opposite I can't remember ever reading here or in any AT forum a leader explaining that this was happening to him 90% of the time when dancing.

I once saw Sergio Natario stopping during a demo (the music had just begun, they were in the abrazo but not dancing yet), apologizing to the public (saying he was "emocionado") and having some water at the bar before coming back, while Alejandra was somehow bragging about her intact abilities after all these years of marriage.

[timbp]

A guy knows if he has an erection. And he knows if his erection is making any sort of contact with a woman (no matter how many layers of clothing are between).

If it is a momentary touch, and adjustments are immediately made to avoid the situation, then ignore it.
But if you are dancing and feeling his erection for more than a few seconds, then either he's a creep and you should stop dancing with him (and tell your girlfriends to stop dancing with him), or you are encouraging him and you should stop dancing and ask him to take you home.

[fascination]

I missed the 90% assessment...if that is the case um...sounds like delusions of granduer to me...at any rate, I don much care what a guys body is involuntarily doing as long and the rest of him is focused on the dancing...and, as has been noted...if he is a creep there will be corresponding indicators

[samina]

If you think this a problem in a.t.-- then imagine smooth dances , with full contact at all times .

yes indeed.

[Peaches]

Is there really "full contact at all times" in smooth dances? Huh...I never noticed.

I've noticed a few times when I step forward/through him...but have never noticed anything when we're just standing there in frame. Wow...talk about oblivious.

[samina]

definitely full contact in standard. am very often aware of that.

[fascination]

well, in standard ...uh yes...but certain moves require a greater level of disclosure on that front than others IMO...ANYHOW, BTDT.....

[samina]

aside from one lecherous social dancer at the first studio i studied at, i am grateful i've never had this issue, um... come up. <heh> it sounds like it's quite common... am rather surprised. maybe i'm not sufficiently, um... inspiring... when i dance. *lol* anyway, happy with whatever the reason is that it's been a non-issue...

[Peaches]

Wow, I'm oblivious then. I notice what parts of me are in contact with him, but I can't say as I've ever noticed what I was in contact with. Makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong, that my position isn't what it's supposed to be, lol.

[samina]

perhaps he dresses to the left...:cool:
or leaves a small... footprint.

[Twirly]

But the difference between standard and AT is that there is not supposed to be any such contact, except maybe very briefly in some moves. So if you can feel anything chances are the man is deliberately holding you wrong for all sorts of yucky reasons. If you have groin contact dancing will be uncomfortable and you won't be able to dance properly (at least that's not how I want to dance), so I don't dance with those people. Problem solved.

[fascination]

sounds reasonable...and the few times that i did AT...the only contact was above the waist...then again, someone who is confused about proper hold isn't a creep...again, I think most of us can tell the difference anyhow

[Twirly]

Yes, of course it takes a while to learn the proper posture/hold. It's not easy for a beginner guy...

[Dave Bailey]

That "90%" sounds like nonsense to me too - I've not heard followers saying that its a major problem in AT. In fact, it almost sounds like, well, boasting, in a weird "Men can't control themselves when dancing with me" way.

A guy knows if he has an erection. And he knows if his erection is making any sort of contact with a woman (no matter how many layers of clothing are between).
Absolutely.

Hell, I'm too busy trying to dance in AT to lose any blood from my brain anyway.

[Me]

There should be no contact in the pelvic area for close embrace. Now, if there is no pelvic contact and he's THAT erm, gifted, perhaps we should weigh our options? :rocker:

Anyway, with Argentine Tango (and in any dance) if the embrace is uncomfortable, adjust it. If he continues to pull you closer, just end the dance and excuse yourself - he'll know why. It isn't rude at all. And, refuse all future dance requests from that person in the future. Again, not rude.

[spectator]

Hey let's get back to the point, prompted by a guy making a move on a friend after she didn't know how to react to his response to close body contact. The issue is that: when this rears its ugly head (and it is NOT with most men, only a small minority) how can a lady react so as not to make the poor guy feel mortified but not to give the impression that it is to be encouraged?

So far I have learnt that:
He will know that the girl knows if they are in contact at this point, again I want to reiterate, we girls are not attempting groin to groin contact, his groin is level with our rib cage if he is very tall and we are very small. Remember the old joke Bea Arthur used to make about about Estelle Getty? Actually that is quite lewd...
If we open out the embrace he will know why but probably won't be offended.
If we change the embrace so we are not being poked that is also OK
If he changes when we've changed so he's still in contact in that way he is being an eel
If we carry on dancing with it pressed up in close embrace he will probably think it's a come on.

From the guys point of view:
Now he knows that we can feel it and it can make us feel uncomfortable
He can take the initiative and open the embrace himself
He shouldn't be offended when the lady moves away
If she carries on dancing close but seems a bit flustered at the end she probably wasn't meaning to encourage you, she was just embarrassed and didn't know how to react.

This is just a quick summary of views i have gleaned from the above, any other points or solutions are welcome.

I would like to make the point that some of us may not be afraid to talk frankly about this stuff anonymously but I would rather not be put in the situation at all.

[Me]

Most of my friends are guys, and only a few of them dance. They are very embarrassed when they are in public and have an erection.

I really believe that it is not normal for a man to maintain lower body contact with a woman while dancing if he has an erection.

So, I guess to summarize what I've said before, your friend should at first adjust the embrace so that he is no longer bumping into her. If he starts to bump her again, END THE DANCE. He will know why. If in the future he asks her to dance again, she then has the option of refusing the dance.

[Dave Bailey]

Hey let's get back to the point, prompted by a guy making a move on a friend after she didn't know how to react to his response to close body contact.
Which proves the point - the guy knew what he was doing, it was his attempt at a "seduction" (:rolleyes:) and he took her non-pulling-away as encouragement.

The words "idiot", "creep" and "perv" spring to mind for some reason...

The issue is that: when this rears its ugly head
Must resist.... :)

how can a lady react so as not to make the poor guy feel mortified but not to give the impression that it is to be encouraged?
Nuts to the "mortified" thing - I'm a big defender of Men's Rights (see the other thread about cabaceo), but even I'd say that she should tell the guy where to go, in no uncertain terms.

Don't ever assume that guys are poor innocent souls with no control over their bodies, it's a myth. Although I'll probably get drummed out of the Men's Club for telling you that.

If we carry on dancing with it pressed up in close embrace he will probably think it's a come on.
More or less - or, more to the point, he'll assume you don't object to it, simply because you're not struggling away from it.

And the guys who deliberately do this, knowing what they're doing, are likely to be the ones who try to push things further off the dance floor too. Scum, in other words.

[Sagitta]

Most of my friends are guys, and only a few of them dance. They are very embarrassed when they are in public and have an erection.

Why? Being embarrassed?

[Steve Pastor]

"Don't ever assume that guys are poor innocent souls with no control over their bodies, it's a myth. Although I'll probably get drummed out of the Men's Club for telling you that."

Um, I can testify to the fact that (based on reliable, historic sources) there are times that men can have no control over a certain part of their body. None. Nada. Zip.
What they do have control over, is what they do next.
Women, too, have a decision to make as to what they will do next.
Back before I learned Night Club Two Step and Argentine Tango, I would occasionally become invovled in a phenomenom referred to a "slow dancing".
Guys, never had a woman work it? Gals, you've always been a proper girl?

[Indiana_Jay]

Don't ever assume that guys are poor innocent souls with no control over their bodies, it's a myth.

Depends on exactly what you mean by that. Some bodily responses are truly involuntary (even more so for the hormone-ridden, younger, less experienced male). We do however, have plenty of control over what we do after the involuntary response occurs and perhaps that's what you mean.[/quote]

[Indiana_Jay]

... I would occasionally become invovled in a phenomenom referred to a "slow dancing". Guys, never had a woman work it? Gals, you've always been a proper girl?

A similar irony occurred to me earlier, but I hadn't mentioned it: I've never participated in a form a dance commonly called "grinding," but from what I've read (even here on DF) some young women who dance this way intentionally press themselves against the guy's private parts, perhaps even with the intention of illiciting the typical physiological response. Obviously, "Spectator" would not be one of those women.

[spectator]

Honey, I don't need to partake of grinding to get a reaction, I just walk into the room...

[Me]

Why? Being embarrassed?

I really don't know. Maybe it goes back to bad memories of giving book reports in junior high?? (Just a guess!)

I just know that I asked a few of them about becoming 'aroused' (When I was a beginner dancer I too was having a problem with some men during American tango - we were being very badly taught - squat, pelvic contact - you start rubbing down there and even some of the gay students would start erm, poking me.) ANYWAY, when I asked them what they thought, they were appalled. They simply could not believe that a man would continue bouncing against a strange woman once in an aroused state. They thought it was completely, 100% indecent.

[fascination]

Um, I can testify to the fact that (based on reliable, historic sources) there are times that men can have no control over a certain part of their body. None. Nada. Zip.
What they do have control over, is what they do next.
Women, too, have a decision to make as to what they will do next.
exactly....makes all the diff...imo...

[fascination]

Honey, I don't need to partake of grinding to get a reaction, I just walk into the room...I am glad your experience still frames this as a good thing...that is NOT my experience:rolleyes:

[quixotedlm]

A similar irony occurred to me earlier, but I hadn't mentioned it: I've never participated in a form a dance commonly called "grinding," but from what I've read (even here on DF) some young women who dance this way intentionally press themselves against the guy's private parts, perhaps even with the intention of illiciting the typical physiological response. Obviously, "Spectator" would not be one of those women.


agree with you IJ. I know 1-2 women I have a hard time dancing with, because they are always being naughty.

now the difference between most women and most men is in the degree of reaction. the woman screams murder, the man generally squirms a bit or laughs it off and goes on to dance with someone else. maybe the difference here is that the man can simply ignore her next time around by not asking her to dance, so it's easier on him.

[fascination]

a woman can ignore him as well...and trust me, I wouldn't scream...he might

[spectator]

No seriously, I have never deliberately tried to do anything like that. I actually think it's a real abuse of trust. By allowing someone into your space you are trusting them to respect you and to treat you as an equal. If a woman starts doing something "naughty" uninvited, I think it is as repulsive as a man doing it. Respect and trust are two way things.

If this goes on between a couple who are involved off the dance floor, I wouldn't like to watch it, but I don't see anything wrong with it, becuse they do have an understanding and it is both parties' choice.

If it is an unsolicited one sided action it's bang out of order.

[jennyisdancing]

I don't know if this helps, but male ballet dancers wear an undergarment called a dance belt. I'm female, so no personal experience with it, but my understanding is that it holds things tightly in place and keeps a smooth line. Thus you never see embarassing moments from those guys who wear form-fitting tights. So maybe that's an option for those who have involuntary 'problems' while tangoing?

[quixotedlm]

If a woman starts doing something "naughty" uninvited, I think it is as repulsive as a man doing it. Respect and trust are two way things.

two things i want to say.....

i. it's no less a violation of a man when a woman does something unexpected. all i'm saying is that on the average, men react to such actions, when they are unenjoyable, by being only very mildly upset.

ii. re respect and trust... yes,they are two way things. but such actions are a way of expressing desire and interest. i think it's ok the first time, or until you get a clear 'not interested' signal (the whole thing can't take more than a second or two.. just a fleeting attempt is what i'm referring to here). after that, it's clearly unwanted and unwarranted. of course, its preferable to express interest by different,less invasive, means. but in my books, but despite this being less preferable, i think it's ok.

[Dave Bailey]

A similar irony occurred to me earlier, but I hadn't mentioned it: I've never participated in a form a dance commonly called "grinding," but from what I've read (even here on DF) some young women who dance this way intentionally press themselves against the guy's private parts, perhaps even with the intention of illiciting the typical physiological response.
Sure - in other dance forms, anything goes. In the UK, for example, grinding's been going on for ages - I saw it at the Notting Hill Carnival in the '90s. Salsa / bachata are also more likely that way, and I sometimes think that's the only justification for the "dance" called merengue... :rolleyes:

And I'm not against the concept either :)

But anyone grinding to AT is one sick puppy, there's just no reason for it.

Honey, I don't need to partake of grinding to get a reaction, I just walk into the room...
Me too - although the reaction tends to be one of screams and panic-stricken looks for emergency exits.
But hey, it's a reaction :)

[Joe]

Look, if a girl is intentionally trying to get a rise out of a guy (pun intended), she deserves what she gets. If it happens without (active) input from her, then she may react in one of two ways: a) ignore it, b) say something to the bloke. Which way she reacts is up to her. If she thinks it's entirely unintentional and the guy is mortified and just trying to avoid the situation, doing nothing is prolly best. If she feels the dude is lecherous, something like, "stop rubbing your junk against me" is probably a good thing to say. :)

[bordertangoman]

Honey, I don't need to partake of grinding to get a reaction, I just walk into the room...

me too, ladies faint quite away, swoon left right and centre, so I usually take a paramed with me to milongas :wink:

[Me]

me too, ladies faint quite away, swoon left right and centre, so I usually take a paramed with me to milongas :wink:

Oh baby, where DO you tango? I gotta' get me some of that!

[Steve Pastor]

To me this BBC article "Too Hot to Handle" is somewhat germane to this thread. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/6618749.stm

[Me]

To me this BBC article "Too Hot to Handle" is somewhat germane to this thread. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/6618749.stm


LOL I love the photo illustration!

[bordertangoman]

Oh baby, where DO you tango? I gotta' get me some of that!


don't believe everything you read!!!

[nikita]

The more unexperienced my dancepartner is, the more distance I put in between us. I would never do any movement, which would let me come close to him.
With experienced guys I love to dance close. If it might become "dangerous" for the partner, he can slightly correct the distance.

[quixotedlm]

love your avatar. so funny, so apt!

[newbie]

I missed the 90% assessment...if that is the case um...sounds like delusions of granduer to me...

Found it. http://www.dance-forums.com/showpost.php?p=130694&postcount=22

[samina]

huh. am wondering if she really knows... the signs... either that, or she's soliciting responsiveness in some way. i just don't buy it...

[Dave Bailey]

Found it. http://www.dance-forums.com/showpost.php?p=130694&postcount=22

Well, that's just weird. I don't believe that's reflective of the AT scene, anywhere.

I can also turn this around to give you another example. I'd say that over 90% of the men I dance with get erections on the dance floor.
Sorry, but :rolleyes:

[jfm]

You have to wonder if she's not actually encountering a wallet/set of keys/belt buckle (depending on hey height) or maybe she's tangoing in a club full of teen aged boys...

[fascination]

or maybe she misplaced her ego?


(alright not very nice, but HOW can that possibly be the case...HOW?)

[jfm]

Not even 90% of men are heterosexual, let alone 90% of men who are happy to dance!

[fascination]

um...well...that doesn't negate "occurances"....i suspect she was just prone to a bit of exaggeration....beyond that, well, i think the subject has been more than adequately addressed..IMO, summary = ; unless he is a pervert, ignore it...if he's a perv, ignore him....and most people can tell the difference

[revolution]

Thanks Ampster, it's really good to have some validation on this, there will be a few of us girls who feel a bit more empowered to extricate ourselves.

Yes been there. Been dancing with a younger woman, and she loved the empowerment. I was way too into her, now I just sort of feel foolish and used. You live you learn I guess.

But it left me confused. Do I just not dance with her anymore because she has that effect one me? Or do I disassociate the feelings from the dance or just dance in an open embrace?

cheers,
rev

[Captain Jep]

Is this a thread from the dead?

I've had a look at all the responses. And I think they tell you what to do. You dance in an open embrace (until at least you're "under control"). If you cant handle that, make your moves off the dance floor.

Believe me , the more you dance tango, the less of an issue this becomes. Or at least the issue becomes a) daring to ask the girl for a dance in the first place and b) what to say to her after the dance. What happens inbetween is that you concentrate on the dance. If you're dancing AT with your heart, you wont have time to focus on anything else....

[Peaches]

Sort of on the flip side of things as a girl, I will point out that there's a lot more leg/crotch contact that can happen than I had realized. I'd never noticed it AT ALL until...erm...something changed that made it temporarily very uncomfortable when it did occur. In a lesson, I suddenly became aware of it happening. Not that he or I were doing anything different, not that I've ever gotten creepy vibes, not that it felt any different from how other men have led things. I just noticed. It happens. (Mostly in "flashy" moves, I will say.)

Just putting it out there as a different point of view regarding the whole "there's never any groin contact in AT" thing.

[revolution]

If you're dancing AT with your heart, you wont have time to focus on anything else....
I like that, although I think sexuality is part of the heart. But I think its a good point as it comes down to self-control and knowing you limits to how far to take your passion.

[Lilly_of_the_valley]

Interesting and very helpful thread. I wish I discovered it earlier.

In the same situation, I freaked out a little bit, because I started thinking -- was it my doing something inappropriate that prompted it? Maybe on my end, I was enjoying the dancing too much? Or showing it too explicitly? Perhaps, I should hold back more when I am dancing?

Fortunately, I could talk to some good tango friends, and also remember what I have known about that part of a male anatomy from my younger days. It helped me realize that thinking along the lines "who's fault was that?" in the case was quite silly.

The guy was not in his 20-s, he could easily have a son that age. There was not any rubbing or physical contact in that area whatsoever. He was also someone I've known for quite a while. Not at all a pervert, a trusted person, and a good friend. So, I guess, that's why his (edit...reaction)... on the dance floor took me by a big surprise.

It was extremely hard to pretend that I did not notice. But I thought, OK, after all, it is his body, and therefore, his "problem". If I do not plan to participate (and I did not), there is no need for me to acknowledget or discuss it. So when the music stopped, I just said I had to drink a glass of water, and he said "me, too". We separated, drank some water, and continued dancing a few minutes later.

In retrospect, I believe, it is rather amazing, and not necessarily a bad thing... to be able to react like that in a more advanced age, and without any direct stimulation.

[revolution]

In retrospect, I believe, it is rather amazing, and not necessarily a bad thing... to be able to react like that in a more advanced age, and without any direct stimulation.

Now I only wonder -- guys, how is it ever possible to continue dancing with that thing? :)

No direct contact needed here either, I am in my mid twenties and just embracing a very attractive women who is a great dancer/follower is more than enough to take me off the edge. This is the problem because this excited state interferes with tango, but I am learning how far to take myself in the dance. More aware I am of the that line the more control I will have. Losing control may be beneficial in other situations. :)

I get self conscious and my focus shifts from dancing tango to keeping my partner is as far away from that area as possible. It's a big distraction not to mention the over excited state.

[Me]

Funny... I read through the past thread... found my posts... was astonished at my candid use of the "E" word... but still stand by my prior statements.

I do believe that we are what we are, and there are some things we cannot help, and that there are some things we can rise above (ha ha, rise...)

I don't know if that helps...

[newbie]

I'm not an adept of close embrace but optically, if the posture is correct then the woman can't notice.

http://www.virtuar.com/tango/pics/marta_e_manolo.jpg

[tangotime]

I'm not an adept of close embrace but optically, if the posture is correct then the woman can't notice. {quote}

























http://www.virtuar.com/tango/pics/marta_e_manolo.jpg







Speak for your self... :rolleyes:

[bordertangoman]

I think there are two issues; one is the man's discomfort in his clothing and its hard to adjust position so it can remain against the body.
Secondly; having experienced this while giving massage I just see it as a reflection of more energy/chi flowing and not neccesarily to any salacious thought processes.

[newbie]

Speak for your self... :rolleyes:

...?

[Captain Jep]

Funny... I read through the past thread... found my posts... was astonished at my candid use of the "E" word... but still stand by my prior statements.

I do believe that we are what we are, and there are some things we cannot help, and that there are some things we can rise above (ha ha, rise...)

I don't know if that helps...

:rolleyes:

Yeah well I'd like to pretend that ahemm this physical reaction has never happened to me but it wouldnt be true .... (girls all run away with horror)

You are right, we are what we are. I find sometimes it happens when you've been having bad dances all evening , and then you suddenly dance with a goddess who "gets you". All the pent up frustration gets channeled and you become intensely aware of the other dancer - you ask, why her? why does she "get me"? The admiration and gratitude can easily be confused into sexual attraction.

I would refer to this generally as "earthing". Sometimes you build up this reservoir of passion, frustration, whatever and it has to be dispersed. Most of the time, a break and a glass of water do the trick. But not always. Sometimes the energy goes into ones extremities instead :cool:

[Joe]

...?
He's making a joke about his endowment. (I'm talking about his inheritance, of course ;).)

[Captain Jep]

No, he probably has everything strapped down :lol:

(anyway there's close embrace, and there's close embrace)

[piimapoika]

This problem is mentioned in M.A. Numminen's novel "Tango is my Passion". The solution: a quick exit from the dance floor and a vigorous application of birch twigs to the affected part.

[fascination]

:rolleyes:

Yeah well I'd like to pretend that ahemm this physical reaction has never happened to me but it wouldnt be true .... (girls all run away with horror)

You are right, we are what we are. I find sometimes it happens when you've been having bad dances all evening , and then you suddenly dance with a goddess who "gets you". All the pent up frustration gets channeled and you become intensely aware of the other dancer - you ask, why her? why does she "get me"? The admiration and gratitude can easily be confused into sexual attraction.

I would refer to this generally as "earthing". Sometimes you build up this reservoir of passion, frustration, whatever and it has to be dispersed. Most of the time, a break and a glass of water do the trick. But not always. Sometimes the energy goes into ones extremities instead :cool:
:cool:yes, dancing with a deity can have that effect;)

[fascination]

He's making a joke about his endowment. (I'm talking about his inheritance, of course ;).)
aren't you clever?;)

[Captain Jep]

:cool:yes, dancing with a deity can have that effect;)

:) :rolleyes:

[Heather2007]

Ok guys,
it's been a while but I have a new dilema. It's something I can't really talk to people about face to face as it is a bit embarrassing.

Men with erections during close embrace Tango. Especially if you are a very short girl dancing with a tall man.

Admittedly, I've felt more erections on the Northern or Central Lines in the A.M. Never in a tango situation. But I tend to dance "close" in a "does my bum look big in this" way or Nuevo, so if the lava of Versuvias is threatening to rise, I'm nowhere within the regions of the fall out.

Interestingly, a group of us headed out to the usual post-milonga watering hole (pub) last night and the subject turned to penal posturings. Terry, one good and extremely funny individual piped up: "yeah sure, I have a erection all the time. I had a few earlier on". I immediately turned to him and said, "Terry, please don't tell me you had an erection when we were dancing together." He replied (rather too quickly), "No, Heather, of course not." I turned to look at the others around the table, turned back to him and yelled, "yeah, and why the hell not". Laughter.

I/we (the ladies) learned from Terry that a bloke can have these standing to attention moments several times throughout the day and such movements can also occur involuntarily. (I read once that men tend to have a major erection when they are hung (erm..as in rope around the neck and jumping into the back hole (Neck trauma=Erection?). So I wouldn't place too much connection on Tango+Close Encounters of the Embrace=Erection. It can happen in a Milonga in much the same way it can happen in Church :rolleyes:

[tangotime]

...?


Wishful thinking .....:rolleyes:

[Indiana_Jay]

... occur involuntarily.

For any readers who were not already aware, I think "involuntary" is a key concept from Heather's thread.

It is in fact true that it an occur involuntarily and without stimulation. In my case, this "problem," mitigated with age and believe it is the same for most men. In addition, some men, (even younger ones) can prevent (or immediately cease) the involuntary physiological response through mental gymnastics -- but this does not not work for every man every time. And I believe that certain situations (getting lost in a very sensuous dance, for example) might make such mental gymnastics more difficult.

Once we understand the involuntary nature of the physiological response, I believe the issue becomes what one should do if/when it happens. I think that's been pretty much covered in the thread already. While I don't dance AT, it seems to me that the only proper thing to do is change the dance position to prevent contact with the partner. If the partner doesn't seem to understand why, or insists on contact, that would seem to leave the gentleman with little choice but to whisper something like "I'm sorry, but I need a little extra space because of an involuntary physiological response."

(Fascination, have I edited myself to your standards? ;) )

[Indiana_Jay]

... Neck trauma ...

Oh, by the way, we learned in EMS training that priapism (http://www.clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info/docs/2900/2908.asp) can be, in fact, a sign of spinal trauma.

[tangoking]

If Stanley wakes up during a dance, I simply switch to open embrace.

6" for the Holy Spirit...

(groan)

[fascination]

just a reminder...to on one in particular, that we endeavor to run a PG site, and I have already done enough editing on this thread...please ...all...be discreet...thanks

[fascination]

For any readers who were not already aware, I think "involuntary" is a key concept from Heather's thread.

It is in fact true that it an occur involuntarily and without stimulation. In my case, this "problem," mitigated with age and believe it is the same for most men. In addition, some men, (even younger ones) can prevent (or immediately cease) the involuntary physiological response through mental gymnastics -- but this does not not work for every man every time. And I believe that certain situations (getting lost in a very sensuous dance, for example) might make such mental gymnastics more difficult.

Once we understand the involuntary nature of the physiological response, I believe the issue becomes what one should do if/when it happens. I think that's been pretty much covered in the thread already. While I don't dance AT, it seems to me that the only proper thing to do is change the dance position to prevent contact with the partner. If the partner doesn't seem to understand why, or insists on contact, that would seem to leave the gentleman with little choice but to whisper something like "I'm sorry, but I need a little extra space because of an involuntary physiological response."

(Fascination, have I edited myself to your standards? ;) )
yes...although I think the end response would be also better left vague...and dishonest if neccessary, " I am sorry, I (just for a bit) need to dance with a bit of extra space, I have some physical limitations that flare up from time to time" ...cuz, I DON"T wanna know...unless it's my spouse

[revolution]

You are right, we are what we are. I find sometimes it happens when you've been having bad dances all evening , and then you suddenly dance with a goddess who "gets you". All the pent up frustration gets channeled and you become intensely aware of the other dancer - you ask, why her? why does she "get me"? The admiration and gratitude can easily be confused into sexual attraction.

This actually sounds very beautiful, love. But as I understand its just a dance, unless it's emulated outside of the dance floor. But getting that other person does sound very appealing. :)

[Heather2007]

This actually sounds very beautiful, love. But as I understand its just a dance

Quite and it boggles my beanie why AT is treated as anything but. And comments like "...unless its my spouse" or (here I quote a woman I know) "I can't take Justin to tango as he doesn't dance it and he'd be too jealous watching me dance with another man..." baffles me. Personally, I am yet to be turned on by anybody at a milonga no matter how raunch he leads the gancho - that said, my s*xual powerhouse is stored in my cranal region and so, I guess, unless that it is stimulated, everything else is dead from the waist downl.;)

[Captain Jep]

Quite and it boggles my beanie why AT is treated as anything but. And comments like "...unless its my spouse" or (here I quote a woman I know) "I can't take Justin to tango as he doesn't dance it and he'd be too jealous watching me dance with another man..." baffles me.

hee hee - "he'd be too jealous watching me dance with another man..." - she wishes!!

These are the reasons Paris society was shocked by the tango in 1912..

[Heather2007]

hee hee - "he'd be too jealous watching me dance with another man..." - she wishes!!

These are the reasons Paris society was shocked by the tango in 1912..

Ha, ha, ha. But do you know what I mean? If my boyfriend was jealous with my dancing with another man, I'd sack him. Hell, if my boyfriend was jealous over anything, I'd sack him. Period. I so cannot be dealing with wetnursing another's ego. Too much hard work. I can just about remember to water my plants, much less. Hee, hee.

[Captain Jep]

Ha, ha, ha. But do you know what I mean? If my boyfriend was jealous with my dancing with another man, I'd sack him. Hell, if my boyfriend was jealous over anything, I'd sack him. Period. I so cannot be dealing with wetnursing another's ego. Too much hard work. I can just about remember to water my plants, much less. Hee, hee.

Isnt "wetnursing another's ego" shorthand for "having a relationship" :) ?? Yeah, we'd like to think we're all wonderfully mature, but when it comes to the crunch, most of us act like twelve year olds.

I think you may be setting the bar a little too high... :p

[Heather2007]

Isnt "wetnursing another's ego" shorthand for "having a relationship" :)

Seems so. But I try to focus on what I am doing to help grow the soul rather than toss complimentary silver at the Self. Not everybody's cup of Earl Grey, I know.

I think you may be setting the bar a little too high... :p

I remember a male friend once said to me: Heather, you don't need to be dating a man, you need to be dating Jesus. Ha, ha, ha. :rolleyes:

[Captain Jep]

Maybe I was being a little too cynical the first time. What I meant to say is that all relationships are ultimately about give and take. And sometimes partners need compliments/encouragement regardless of whether or not you think it's "good for them".


[quote]
I remember a male friend once said to me: Heather, you don't need to be dating a man, you need to be dating Jesus. Ha, ha, ha. :rolleyes:

:) But is Jesus a dancer? he can "walk on water" but is that good enough ?!

[Zoopsia59]

If my boyfriend was jealous with my dancing with another man, I'd sack him. .

The only time I am a little jealous watching my partner dance with another woman is when she's a better dancer than I am. :rolleyes:

My partner doesn't have this problem since he doesn't think any of the other guys are better dancers than he is ;)

[bordertangoman]

Quite my s*xual powerhouse is stored in my cranal region and so, I guess, unless that it is stimulated,.;)


I've never visited the Cranal Region. Near Eltham isnt it? ;)

[Larinda McRaven]

My partner doesn't have this problem since he doesn't think any of the other guys are better dancers than he is ;)

this made me laugh out loud

[Heather2007]

:) But is Jesus a dancer? he can "walk on water" but is that good enough ?!

Crikey. This is true. Hmm...now, there's the rub. :doh:

[bafonso]

The only time I am a little jealous watching my partner dance with another woman is when she's a better dancer than I am. :rolleyes:

My partner doesn't have this problem since he doesn't think any of the other guys are better dancers than he is ;)

Ahaha, very funny! at least you're aware of how big his ego is ;-)

I think the dance can be much more than a dance but I feel it's pointless to debate this over an internet forum as I've found it is intimately related to one's personality.

[revolution]

Ahaha, very funny! at least you're aware of how big his ego is ;-)

I think the dance can be much more than a dance but I feel it's pointless to debate this over an internet forum as I've found it is intimately related to one's personality.

yes it is! hah, that's why its so awesome. I can coach myself on being a better me. The last couple of responses have been great, too many smart people around here. :)

[revolution]

The only time I am a little jealous watching my partner dance with another woman is when she's a better dancer than I am. :rolleyes:

My partner doesn't have this problem since he doesn't think any of the other guys are better dancers than he is ;)

lol, that's awesome. Cockiness.

[Angel HI]

If my boyfriend was jealous with my dancing with another man, I'd sack him. Hell, if my boyfriend was jealous over anything, I'd sack him. Period. I so cannot be dealing with wetnursing another's ego. Too much hard work.
Isnt "wetnursing another's ego" shorthand for "having a relationship" ?? Yeah, we'd like to think we're all wonderfully mature, but when it comes to the crunch, most of us act like twelve year olds.
I try to not fall into these simple kinds of inadequacies. I felt myself being most jealous when one past partner would dance with others. I was bothered by this. Then I realized that i wasn't jealous of her dancing with others; I was jealous of the time spent away from her...regardless of what she were doing. Love's complicated sometimes, oui?

[Angel HI]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Jep http://www.dance-forums.com/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.dance-forums.com/showthread.php?p=640447#post640447)
:smile: But is Jesus a dancer? he can "walk on water" but is that good enough ?!

Crikey. This is true. Hmm...now, there's the rub.
A far cry from Jesus, but.....I know an Angel who is a pretty good dancer *ahem* :rolleyes:

[dchester]

A far cry from Jesus, but.....I know an Angel who is a pretty good dancer *ahem* :rolleyes:
You must be referring to Angel Coria. He's very good.

:mrgreen:

[Angel HI]

:evil:

[Heather2007]

[You must be referring to Angel Coria. He's very good.:mrgreen:

No DC. It's our very own Angel:rolleyes:

[Joe]

Whoosh!

(The sound of dchester's comment going over Heather's head.)

[Captain Jep]

Whoosh!

(The sound of dchester's comment going over Heather's head.)


Gone over my head too ...

AngelHI, are you Angel Coria ? (not that I know Angel C personally either... :rolleyes: )

[dchester]

Whoosh!

(The sound of dchester's comment going over Heather's head.)
Well, at least you got it. (I guess I need to work on my delivery.)

:cool:

[Angel HI]

Gone over my head too ...AngelHI, are you Angel Coria ? (not that I know Angel C personally either...

I got it; hence the former reply. :( Uh....no, I am not AC. I am AH..... remember? ;)

[elisedance]

Just call me AngelHI in the morning....
Just hold my hand before....

[waltzguy]

I'm surprised not more references were made to Ballroom Standard (yes I did read the whole thread, took me half hour).

After all, Standard is where the connection is in the tummy-hip area. Haven't had this problem personally. But regardless of whether the "e" occurs, I think that "something" can be noticed by the lady. This may be a reason for less than full contact in Ballroom Standard, except those that are pro-am, well-established partners, or significant others.

[Angel HI]

I'm surprised not more references were made to Ballroom Standard (yes I did read the whole thread, took me half hour).

Probably b/c those who are dancing Standard in amer. are more serious about it, and don't think of those things.

[Steve Pastor]

I'm surprised not more references were made to Ballroom Standard (yes I did read the whole thread, took me half hour).
Or, (sorry Angel) some of us have never participated in "ballroom" dance to any great extent, or we don't dance with the same partner all of the or most of the time.
(You've heard the story about one of our presidents, a farmer, the farmer's rooster and his chickens?)

I have to add that this subject "comes up" / "arises", "is brought up" (OK. I'll stop now) because it is something that young men have to deal with. I'd like to write "many young men", but I can only speak from personal experience and limited information from (mostly) female friends.
So, these young men come here to see if they can get information to help them deal with the situation. If we, collectively, don't provide them with some kind of (hopefully) useful information, and a context to put their experience in, what happens next?
They wouldn't be here attempting to dicusss it, more or less anonymously, if they had other places they could go to discuss it.

Kinda reminds me of some of the advice I used to get (and which never worked for me), and is sort of reflected in these lyrics sung by Patty Loveless, who can't get someone out of her mind.

I try to think about Elvis, Memphis
Oprah in the afternoon
I try to think about palm trees, fig leaves
The creature from the black lagoon
I try to think about Shakespeare, leap year
The Beatles or the Rolling Stones
....
I try to think about hair-do's, tattoos
Sushi bars and saxophones
I try to think about the talk shows, new clothes
But I guess I should have known
I just can't concentrate
You're all I think about these days.

If you do the video you have to watch a short commercial first.
http://www.cmt.com/videos/patty-loveless/72008/think-about-elvis.jhtml

[Angel HI]

Or, (sorry Angel) some of us have never participated in "ballroom" dance to any great extent,

(You've heard the story about one of our presidents, a farmer, the farmer's rooster and his chickens?)

I have to add that this subject "comes up" / "arises", "is brought up" (OK. I'll stop now) because it is something that young men have to deal with.

I guess I was speaking more from a dancer's POV, or from one who chooses to become such. We have had to deal so much lately w/ guys using dance as a ....nevermind, you know where that goes.

It was/is not my intention to demean or dismiss the poster's question; I know that it is a valid concern for, not only younger dancers (age/experience), but for many of us when encountering an attraction. There are valid ways to deal w/ it, and I am glad that the subject 'pops up' (OK, I couldn't resist. I just want it to stay legit.

Lastly, I was speaking more in terms of the dance, and saying that int'l typically takes, at least, arguably and in amer., a more profound knowledge/cognition, and one just doesn't have other issues at the moment.

[Steve Pastor]

Me, too.
And I'm glad to say, I think we have quite a few mature people around. And I'd like to think that is one of the reasons some of the posts are made.

[fascination]

I will also add that it can be a legitimate concern for the ladies as well...not erm...the condition of the situation...but the fact that this sort of contact in general is often unanticipated by newbs and therefore alarming regardless of what is going on physiologically at any given point in time...when I began dancing standard, as a woman who dated her husband at 14 and married him at 20, I wasn't accustomed to being touched by anyone but my spouse, much less inadvertantly becoming aware of another male's anatomy in unforeseen ways...I needed reassurance that it was a routine and utterly irrelevant sort of contact to the gentleman ...and sought that reassurance on DF... so there is certainly some valid reasoning for threads such as these...they just tend to need to be monitored a bit more closely than others...

[Albanaich]

When I first started Ballroom I had a lot of difficulty doing the 'thigh to thigh' spin turns properly because I wasn't sure about putting my leg there.

To get the right leverage at speed you more or less end up dancing crotch to crotch.

My much younger female partner had no problem with it and actively encouraged me to overcome my reticence.. . . but at first I really didn't like it.

[elisedance]

am I alone in never having really thought about it? Its just been dancing to me....
Maybe I a really am :roll: ?

[fascination]

I think the only reason that it ever occurred to me was ; a) my limited exposure to other men in general...and b) the first man I danced standard with was shorter than me as was his inseam...having said that, it is no longer an issue and ceased being an issue relatively soon after the initial circumstance

[fascination]

and now, frankly, I find eye contact far more alarming than bodily contact (in most cases) if the dance is sensual...but I have always been a physical person so it makes sense that that little event would pass more quickly than having someone look at me while I am trying to do something sensual...thus, i far prefer standard...some folks are "look but dont touch"...I'm more "touch but dont look"...no perverse comments from the peanut gallery

[etp777]

heh, I tend to shy away from the close contact either way, below waist or in eyes. :)

Heh, and when I do watch eyes with teachers i get yelled at because I'm supposed to be looking off to their left, not at them. :P

[Stagekat]

and now, frankly, I find eye contact far more alarming than bodily contact (in most cases)

I'm right there too... I know my eyes have been known to get me into trouble...yeah sometimes I do it on purpose with certain people...but mostly I try not to look into the eyes of my partner...esp if I don't know them real well. A look is much more powerful than a touch for sure IME.

[elisedance]

wait a mo F: if the man is shorter aren't you more, rather than less likely to invade his, shall we say. private space when you step between his legs?

[waltzguy]

Heh, and when I do watch eyes with teachers i get yelled at because I'm supposed to be looking off to their left, not at them. :P

Hey etp, I've done the same thing. My excuse is to say, "but I was paying attention to what you were saying", thus my eye contact. Because my teacher tends to be talkative.

[waltzguy]

A look is much more powerful than a touch for sure IME.

I agree!

[elisedance]

Doesn't it depend on what you are transmitting? Affection, attraction, distain, etc yes. Pure carnal feelings? I don't think so...

[Albanaich]

In Modern Jive (and I don't think you can do really do this well in any other dance form) I like to slowly (sometimes faster) rotate the dance so as to visually isolate my partner and myself from background, she has to fix her gazeon me to retain her bearings.

If you time it right to the music you get a really nice effect of intimacy which you can release when the music changes.

[Albanaich]

The worst ever was when I was beginning to get a bit more confident on the floor and moving a bit more fluidly - then I had a total dance catastrophe. My partner went one way and I went the other and I ended up with a large handful of breast.

She went deep scarlett and her face flashed with anger - our instructor (fortunately) burst out laughing - if she hadn't I think I might have got slapped.

[fascination]

wait a mo F: if the man is shorter aren't you more, rather than less likely to invade his, shall we say. private space when you step between his legs?
more likely...that was the problem...he was shorter...as I said, it is no longer an issue A) b/c I got over it and B) I no longer dance with him

[fascination]

Doesn't it depend on what you are transmitting? Affection, attraction, distain, etc yes. Pure carnal feelings? I don't think so...
for me, it isn't about what I am transmitting it is about what they might be transmitting like; "OMG, I hope she doesn't actually think those are good rumba walks":)....I just don't wanna know what most men are thinking if they are looking at me...I just don't want to know...and I am fairly perceptive so if I look at them I may well have a pretty good idea...and on that front I think ignorance is bliss;)

[etp777]

Heh, yeah, I try same thing. I occasionally get away with it with the american pro. With the Russian one? Not a chance. :P

[newbie]

I ended up with a large handful of breast.


What were you supposed to catch instead?

[fascination]

I have also noticed that if a fellow isn't accustomed to dancing with a busty woman there are certain moves that, well, he is going to very quickly learn to leave more space on ...

[elisedance]

My partner went one way and I went the other and I ended up with a large handful of breast.


Next time please use a warmed soup ladle...

[waltzguy]

I think this thread has migrated from one human part to another. :lol:

Evil DF'ers we are. :lol:

[PretzelsAndBeer]

I think this thread has migrated from one human part to another. :lol:

Evil DF'ers we are. :lol:

Hard as we try, we can't get off the "looking at cleavage" topic.

[PretzelsAndBeer]

Next time please use a warmed soup ladle...

I like the way you think. But would a soup bowl be be better?

[etp777]

I suspect it would depend on the target....

[fascination]

Hard as we try, we can't get off the "looking at cleavage" topic.
:rolleyes:I suspect we are not really trying

[elisedance]

oh yes, 'we' sure are that...

[elisedance]

I like the way you think. But would a soup bowl be be better?

I take it you are a 'leg' man :nope:

[fascination]

oh yes, 'we' sure are that...
lol...trying, yes...but in a different way;)

[elisedance]

exactly....

[Captain Jep]

have I missed something? Is this a thread about Christmas lunch?

I like extra stuffing myself :cool:

[elisedance]

you like girls with extra stuffing? :roll:

[Captain Jep]

you like girls with extra stuffing? :roll:

Hmm ... lets talk turkey instead :rolleyes:

[waltzguy]

I declare this thread now dysfunctional ;)

[elisedance]

funny, same thing happens on all the threads I write on. weird coincidence I guess...

[etp777]

I was gonna say same thing ED, except about me and interactions with women. :P

[elisedance]

You mean all the women you meet are dysfunctional.

I'll buy it :)

[DL]

I declare this thread now dysfunctional ;)

All we need now is for a spammer to join the thread with a proposed solution for the dysfunction.

[elisedance]

must self edit, must self edit,

Its OK folks, I'm in charge of the situation...
:|

[Peaches]

Well, dysfunction would solve the (OP's) problem.

[Angel HI]

:uplaugh:

[Ampster]

Well, dysfunction would solve the (OP's) problem.

Bravo Peaches, Bravo!:banana:

[timbp]

So we now know men may get aroused when dancing.

Any of the female contributors to this thread want to comment on whether women get aroused when dancing?
(It's not so obvious, and not so likely to lead to a court appearance, but I'm sure it happens.)

[Lilly_of_the_valley]

So we now know men may get aroused when dancing.

Any of the female contributors to this thread want to comment on whether women get aroused when dancing?
(It's not so obvious, and not so likely to lead to a court appearance, but I'm sure it happens.)

Of course, it happens.

[bordertangoman]

Of course, it happens.

along with swooning I have found ;)

a rather beautiful lady made that sort of eye-contact that lasted a delicious moment more than is socially acceptable, and heart and other bits responded....

[Heather2007]

Any of the female contributors to this thread want to comment on whether women get aroused when dancing?


Never! I guess that's probably because the Brad Pitt lookalikes have no need to tango :-) :-)

[milongadicto]

Hah, interesting discussion. From my personal experience, I've never had that problem. I've danced with absolutely stunning women that I've wondered if I was dreaming, but, uh, my blood flow was normally distributed, as opposed to headed southward, even with close embrace. Maybe I just focus on the musicality and the dance. And also, as has probably been mentioned before, the lower body shouldn't be close enough for an erection to be felt, unless the guy is, erm, particularly well hung.

[newbie]

as opposed to headed southward

Ok so you're not the guy who inpired these lyrics from Vuelvo al Sur

siento el Sur,
como tu cuerpo en la intimidad.

[Steve Pastor]

Wecome milongadicta.
What about walking back to your table without your partner in front of you?

[hbboogie1]

Excuse me sir are those your car keys in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? No thank you...I'll sit this one out.

[Captain Jep]

Ive nothing to say on this subject since I cant do more than one thing at a time :cool: (that is, dance and ... )

[Consuela]

So we now know men may get aroused when dancing.

Any of the female contributors to this thread want to comment on whether women get aroused when dancing?
(It's not so obvious, and not so likely to lead to a court appearance, but I'm sure it happens.)

He: 'Are you okay; do you want to stop?'

Me: [In muffled voice] 'No, I'm having fun...'

A little later, he walks me back to my seat. I don't know where to look....just not at him....

Of course, for a woman, I believe it's much easier to just sublimate those 'good vibrations' into dancing better, and noone (including your partner) is any the wiser. :D

[fascination]

welcome to df consuela

[Consuela]

welcome to df consuela

Thanks - a pleasure to be here!;)