Making the most of partner practice

[pygmalion]

As you probably know from other threads, I'm actively looking for a ballroom partner. Right now, virtually all of my instruction and practice is solo, but if I get a partner, that's bound to change.

So please help me understand how the whole partner practice thing works -- advantages, disadvantages, ways to make partner practice go smoothly, frequency of joint lessons, balance between partner and solo practice.

[Vince A]

As you probably know from other threads, I'm actively looking for a ballroom partner. Right now, virtually all of my instruction and practice is solo, but if I get a partner, that's bound to change.

So please help me understand how the whole partner practice thing works -- advantages, disadvantages, ways to make partner practice go smoothly, frequency of joint lessons, balance between partner and solo practice.
Hi Jenn,
Of course, it is different for every couple, but a few remarks . . . the things that I have and I am still learning . . .
Advantages:
You will find a dance partner.
-It is difficult to learn a partner dance without the other being involved.
-Someone is with you to help you learn the choreography.
-Someone is there to help you work out the problems.
-Someone is there to give you a shoulder when it isn't going well.
-Most importantly - someone is there to encourage you.

Disadvantages:
-No tweo people can occupy the same space . . . there will be disagreements, etc. KEEP IT FUN.

Ways to make the practice go smoothly:
-KEEP IT FUN.
-Practice your part in between with/partner practices.
-Know your part.
-Know his if you can, but don't rub it in his face.
-Keep a civil tongue.
-Take breaks.
-Watch your practice tapes together. Critique . . . compliment him.
-Watch tapes at home by yourself. Critique the routines, not each other.

Frequency of joint practices:
-As often as you can.
-At least twice weekly.
-At least four to five times a week the two weeks prior to a comp.

Balance between solo/partner practices:
-Only you can decide where you are weak and where you are strong; what needs more practice, what doesn't; how much money do you have or don't have.

Let's hope others will add to this, or give suggestions from what works for them.

[pygmalion]

Wow. This is good advice. Thank, Vince. :D

[Taita]

Hi Jenn,

There are a lot of things to consider in a partnership situation. This is certainly fertile ground for discussion. In addition to everything that has been said before, first understand that a dance partnership is oftentimes a relationship on its own. Everyone is different so it becomes increasingly important to communicate openly with your partner on their terms. Start with a solid foundation of common goals for your partnership. One of the things I like to do before practice is go over what we want to work on so we both get what we need. (Tip: Never volunteer to correct your partner. It is quite possible that both of you are correct and that both of you need to make an adjustment to dance together. As a general rule, leave the correcting to your coach).

While you are out practicing, going to class, etc.... take note of the places. In particular, designated practice times and associated fees. This way, you can get a feel for places to practice. Many of these questions are merely details which often have a way of taking care of themselves when your outcome is seen clearly enough.

[pygmalion]

Thanks again. Now I'm just at the responding to online ads stage. But soon, I hope to be out there and dancing, trying out new partners.

Any tips for getting the relationship off to a good start? Having a talk about goals, maybe?

[DanceMentor]

1. Warm up with some basic figures
2. Dance your routine(s) all the way through without stopping.
3. Go through your routine slowly and break everything down. Make sure you place equal emphasis on the middle and end. It is easy to spend to much time on the beginning.
4. Dance your routine(s) all the way through without stopping

That is how I often do it.
However, it is also important to always bring some element of variety so as not to lose entusiasm.

[Adwiz]

Any tips for getting the relationship off to a good start?

I think one of the key aspects of a good partnership is ensuring that both partners have the same objectives and the same commitment. It will drive you nuts if you want to achieve one set of goals and your partner is on a different track. That will show in many ways.

Even if both of you agree to meet very regularly for your practice sessions, not every practice is the same. Your partner may come with less energy than you want or need, or will want to cut it short, or will have more energy than you and want to do more than you. If this happens repeatedly or there are regular excuses for missing a practice you'll find yourself very unhappy.

Finding that balance is partly chemistry and partly smart questions in your initial stages.

At my studio one championship couple is split between Vancouver and Moscow. The Russian partner comes here for about three months at a time and they are in the studio every day for hours. They'll take breaks and watch Blackpool video footage or just hang from time to time, but it is very cool to see how important the chemistry is in keeping their partnership solid. They're very relaxed because they are both working to the same goals.

In my case my wife and my 15-year-old daughter are my partners. My wife competes with me in Latin and my daughter and I are just starting to compete in Standard because my wife doesn't want to compete in the Standard dances. I'm more gung-ho than either of them and sometimes get frustrated that they aren't more committed to practice time (my daughter is an amazing dancer and competes in ballet and other dance forms). Our goals are slightly different. In the interest of maintaining a happy family I keep my mouth shut about it, but if it were a traditional non-related partnership my frustration level would be very high. So make sure you are both on the same page or it will drive you nuts.

My wife and I have talked about this and eventually I'll look for another partner as I move into the higher levels of competition, because Wendy isn't really that interested in taking it to those levels. Are you willing to relocate to Vancouver? (just kidding!) :lol:

[tsb]

As you probably know from other threads, I'm actively looking for a ballroom partner. Right now, virtually all of my instruction and practice is solo, but if I get a partner, that's bound to change.

So please help me understand how the whole partner practice thing works -- advantages, disadvantages, ways to make partner practice go smoothly, frequency of joint lessons, balance between partner and solo practice.

everyone else has offered good comments. the few things i'd add are:

- probably best to keep the relationship platonic - if you get involved, any times you have conflict in your relationship it's going to affect your practice. to keep the relationship platonic it would be best to minimize conversation concerning personal topics;
- should you start seeing someone else, make sure they're ok with the concept of your having a platonic practice partner;
- set milestones so you as a partnership can evaluate your progress individually and as a couple. along those lines, set goals that can be measured with an objective standard, whether it be complete a syllabus level together, achieve at least one 1st/2nd/3rd place result, etc.;
- as in any relationship, you may also have to evaluate how your partner's stated words & goals match up to what they do. while this works on many levels, i speak from the personal experience of partnering with someone and even though i thought i made it clear that it was a purely platonic relationship from the start it turns out that she had designs on me (and i was too naive to see it even though it was apparently very obvious to our instructor);

[superbimmer]

Quote from Taita: "Tip: Never volunteer to correct your partner. It is quite possible that both of you are correct and that both of you need to make an adjustment to dance together. As a general rule, leave the correcting to your coach"

I couldn't agree more! My wife and I train 4-5 days a week (sometimes double sessions) We've learned (especially ME) that suspected errors made by my partner, may (and often ARE) brought on by an even smaller error on my part! It all escalates ... we definitely leave all the major correcting to our coaches. We do offer suggestions about how we each feel during the dancing. For example ... "I'm having difficulty completing that move, because I can't get my weight over my foot in time." By telling your partner how YOU feel (without saying anything about THEIR dancing) it allows the other one to consider how they can help eliminate that feeling. For us ... this works wonderfully, since it puts our significant other in the position of offering suggestions. Sort of reverse reasoning.

Keeps happines in our marriage!!!

[Taita]

Glad you could join the discussion superbimmer! I too usually find that more often than not, flaws you see in your partner more often than not come from myself. Oftentimes, this becomes fresh material to go over with the coach. I like the way you allow your partner the opportunity to examine her own technique. You are very fortunate to train and compete with your wife.

Jenn, don't overanalyze the situation and don't spend too much time planning and not enough time doing. It all really boils down to two questions when it comes to selecting a partner: Do you enjoy this person's company? and Do you share the same goals and values when it come to dance (be sure you know what yours are!) ?

Back to lurk mode....

[Adwiz]

By telling your partner how YOU feel (without saying anything about THEIR dancing) it allows the other one to consider how they can help eliminate that feeling.

That is excellent advice. Thanks for sharing. We have come to a similar realization but you gave it clarity that has helped define it better. When my wife says something like, "I need to feel more connection" it's much more likely to have me responding strongly than if she accuses me of not connecting properly. Subtle difference, but very powerful.

Having said that, different people have different ways of taking criticism during practice. I actually appreciate it if my partner tells me that my chin could be higher or whatever. My wife hates any correction by anyone other than our coach, so I'm learning to do what you've suggested.

[superbimmer]

Adwiz ... yep, you hit the nail on the head. Bottom line ... find out what works for your partnership. If I correct my wife, I can see her water start to boil! If our coach offers correction ... she says "oh really?" So, I let our coach do all the dirty work!! I guess that's what we pay for.

ps - I guess you can figure who is the stronger dancer :-D

[ballroomboilergirl]

I posted this test in a thread a long time ago, but I don't think very many people read it...anyway, here it is again, I think it really applies to getting the most out of working with a partner...



Earlier in the semester I attended a workshop for new competitiors held by my faculty advisor, and one of the activities we did involved taking a test to determine our style of learning and then we applied that to picking partners and working through personality conflicts...I think that test definitely applies here. Here is a link to the test I took at the workshop that tells you your interpersonal communication and working style...go on and take it, it only takes a few minutes and has a interesting parallels to dancing:

http://www.three-etraining.bc.ca/reading/Communication_Style11.pdf

One of the main things we talked about in the workshop was how to apply the results of this test to picking partners...those on the formal end of the spectrum TEND (I use this word cautiously so as not to stereotype a particular group...there ARE exceptions to every rule!) to be more competitive as dancers, and those on the informal end tend to be more of the social dancing mindset. Those on the dominant end tend to be leaders (not necessarily on the floor...just in their personality), and those on the easy going end tend to be followers.

To illustrate, I am a controller: I am competitive, like to be in charge, and like to get things done. My old partner was a supporter: he liked to have fun, learn things at an easy pace, and didn't mind if something didn't get finished. You can see what kind of personality conflicts this caused: I would get frustrated with him because I felt like he wasn't putting in the effort I was, and he would get frustrated with me when I was so focused on getting things done that it wasn't fun for him anymore. It wasn't that either of us were WRONG; we just had different goals and expectations for what we wanted out of our dancing. Ultimately, we decided to end our partnership because my main focus was winning and his was having fun. He now dances in the social club and has a wonderful time doing so, and my new partner and I are more on the same page. Dave is an analyzer; he is competitive like me, but rather than wanting to get things completely done, he focuses more on technique and the finer points, which works out nicely because quite often I am more concerned with the "quantity of moves" we are doing rather than the "quality". This doesn't mean that there aren't a few problems: I tend to move a bit quicker pace than Dave, and he tends to get the proper technique more easily than I do. Ultimately, every partnership, regardless of personality differences, can work, if both parties are willing to communicate and compromise...some partnerships just require less work than others, though

What results did the rest of you get?

[pygmalion]

I didn't see this quiz before, BBG. According to the quiz, I am an analyzer, but just barely. I wonder what that means? I've had problems with these kinds of tests before, like when I took the Myers-Briggs tests. They couldn't fgure out if I was an introvert or an extrovert, so the psychologist and I came to the conclusion that for me, it's situational. I'm a personality chameleon. Hmm. I wonder if that means I can work with (almost) anyone?

[tsb]

They couldn't fgure out if I was an introvert or an extrovert.

i've heard it put this way: do you "recharge" by being in groups or by being alone? i am quite capable of shutting the world out (i once read the novel david copperfield in one sitting) but i recharge by being around people. ENTJ all the way.

[pygmalion]

I've been working on this a lot lately, and I've identified a couple likely suspects. So what's next? Answer the ads, then a phone interview/conversation, the meet at a public dance somewhere? Exactly how does the process work?