age difference?

[redhead]

For competitive international latin, how much does age difference between partners matter? I can't find any partner to practice with, and there's this guy who is interested... But he is about 20 years older! I've been dancing for not so long, but he is a complete beginner in any kind ballroom dance, even though he dances salsa socially. Most people I know advise me against "wasting my time", but do you think there is a chance? :?: Please please respond if you have something to say!

[pygmalion]

My former coach was in his mid-twenties and had a partner in her sixties. It wasn't so much age that matered as dance abilities and matching goals.

Tha age difference may not matter as much as your relative levels of ability and your goals. Do they match?

It's your call. :D

[redhead]

From what I've seen, ladies have more motivation :wink: What if even my teacher advised me against this partnership? I'm so disoriented right now... Thanks Jen

[Sagitta]

That's right!! Go on dissing us guys and you will have no one to dance with!!

You say that this guy dances salsa socially, so what about cha cha? How good is he at what he dances, salsa? How quickly can he catch on? How motivated is he? If he is a complete beginner he may need a lot of work to catch up? If he is willing are you willing to put in the extra time?


Have you tried dance partner sites such as dancepartner.com? It is pretty good!! I myself saw someone who wants a male for competition in smooth/standard in my area. However, she has two years of experience and I have almost to nothing, plus there's no latin mentioned... :(

[redhead]

Sagitta, I'm sorry you took it this way; hope you're just teasing me. I do social dancing and try not to critique guys, but competitive is totally different. I wish it was easy to find a partner in my area... He doesn't do cha cha or bachata whatsoever, he doesn't seem to enjoy new stuff... And that's my concern - what does he want to do it for if he doesn't seem to like to be challenged... I just don't want to waste my time teaching him basics if we don't have a chance.
Thanks for the suggestion, but it's still much easier for a guy to find a partner, whether on the website or through fellow dancers... :cry:
Poor ladies... :D

[jon]

Differing experience and enthusiasm levels seem worth being concerned about, but I'm unclear how the age difference, in and of itself, relates to any of the specific things you mention?

[Sagitta]

Sagitta, I'm sorry you took it this way; hope you're just teasing me.
Naturellement!! :) :wink:

I wish it was easy to find a partner in my area... He doesn't do cha cha or bachata whatsoever, he doesn't seem to enjoy new stuff... And that's my concern - what does he want to do it for if he doesn't seem to like to be challenged... I just don't want to waste my time teaching him basics if we don't have a chance.


Then?!! If you want to move forward you need to find out what this guy is hoping to gain from all this. If his goals do not match yours, or you feel that they don't, what's the point in having a partnership that is doomed from the start?

[Adwiz]

Sounds like in this case perhaps there could be issues that already are straining a possible partnership.

However, overall I don't think age is any kind of real challenge. I've seen older guys with energy exceeding that of women half their age and I've seen the reverse. I've seen older women with awesome technique, who know how to follow, dancing beautifully with much younger guys and I've seen the reverse.

What matters is not the age difference but how well you're matched in enthusiasm, chemistry and commitment.

In my case, I have so much personal energy that I really need a partner considerably younger or she gets frustrated trying to keep up with me. I dance best with much younger women. But I think the opposite is more likely to happen: a woman with skill, energy and commitment working with a younger man.

[Sarah]

From what I've seen, ladies have more motivation :wink: What if even my teacher advised me against this partnership? I'm so disoriented right now... Thanks Jen

Am I correct in assuming that you're getting a lot of negative feedback from people who know both of you? That your teacher is against the idea? If I were you I would ask your teacher as to exactly why they're advising against this partnership - they might know something about this guy that you don't.

Good luck!

Cheers
Sarah

[twodance]

What really matters is your dancing. The more you practice the better you get. Once you start dancing more your world opens up to new opportunities and new partners. Partners you could not have met unless you where dancing. There is a 10 year difference between me and my wife things do work out.

[ricodancer]

You need to move to the Left Coast and dance with me. I'm in my forties, run a dance company and can dance circles around my dancers, who average about 24 years old- I average 2 hours a day dancing, including Latin and belly dancing classes and company and solo rehearsals a fusion of Latin, ballet, jazz, modern, and belly dancing. This is my arrogant way of saying you can't generalize based on age. I also gravitate towards younger partners, because most women I meet my age are somewhat overweight, tire quickly etc. And, if you're attracted to someone, you're attracted- and that's that!

[superbimmer]

While it may be the case with many social dancers ... my experience with competitive couples is the reverse. The male dancer is often the more intense. This is the way it is with my partnership. I have to moderate myself, so that my wife still has fun, and finds our training satisfying. We work-out in a ballroom with many high level dancers, and the men are usually the more competitive. Since we're not professionals, our goal is to have a close dance experience together, as a hobby. So I have to chill out a bit!

I bet if you are patient ... look around some ... go to competitions, and ask coaches, even vendors ... you'll find a partner. Along with what the others have said ... age is less important than competitive zeal, and dedication.

[pygmalion]

Another resource here is the local USABDA chapter -- the president here has been known to post subtle partner wanted notices in the USABDA newsletter. He's actually a pretty helpful guy.

[new-ish]

It does seem that a couple of recent threads (flat-chest, fragmented dance community) have touched on the age difference issue, but not delved into it.

I am 51 and use a 50% rule. If a woman appears to be less than half my age, I don't ask for dances.

Any other thoughts?

[Ms_Sunlight]

It does seem that a couple of recent threads (flat-chest, fragmented dance community) have touched on the age difference issue, but not delved into it.

I am 51 and use a 50% rule. If a woman appears to be less than half my age, I don't ask for dances.

Any other thoughts?

So, how old should you be before you start applying that rule eh?

If it's all about the dancing then age doesn't matter, surely. All you're doing is stopping yourself from having potentially good dance experience. Heh, in the forgiving lighting of my local salsa venues, I might fall foul of your age judgement and I'm 31!

[chandra]

Seriously, Most everyone in my town is more than twice my age. ;)

I wouldnt dance at all if they applied that rule :(

I guess it all depends on your personal comfort level. :D

[new-ish]

So, how old should you be before you start applying that rule eh?

Given that I started at 47, I guess that is the age I would use.

But I am looking for feedback. If most people think my idea is dumb, then that is good information for me.

[chandra]

What if a younger girls ASKS you to dance?

[new-ish]

This is probably where my "logic" falls apart, because I wouldn't have a problem with that. But, having said that, it's pretty rare for <25 y.o.'s to ask me.

[Twilight_Elena]

As pygmalion said, it's not impossible. But admittedly it's not as possible to find a partner of that age that has the same goals you do. You could talk to him, tell him you're reluctant as to whether you're both on the same track, and suggest some trial practices together.
If he really doesn't know anything about International Latin, though, I'd advise against it even if he was 20 years old. International Latin is not a walk down the park, competitive level doubly so. Even with salsa training (which would admittedly give a nice flavour to your dancing) he'd still have to be trained in ballroom Latin dances, which is in itself something that takes time. So I say again, even if he was 20 I don't think he could reach your level in time for competitions.

Twilight Elena

[redhead]

As pygmalion said, it's not impossible. But admittedly it's not as possible to find a partner of that age that has the same goals you do. You could talk to him, tell him you're reluctant as to whether you're both on the same track, and suggest some trial practices together.
If he really doesn't know anything about International Latin, though, I'd advise against it even if he was 20 years old. International Latin is not a walk down the park, competitive level doubly so. Even with salsa training (which would admittedly give a nice flavour to your dancing) he'd still have to be trained in ballroom Latin dances, which is in itself something that takes time. So I say again, even if he was 20 I don't think he could reach your level in time for competitions.

Twilight Elena
Wow, a two-year-old thread got resurrected :)
Well here's an update then: I gave this partnership a fair shot and as you can guess it didn't work out. It wasn't even a stamina or learning patterns issue, more of a drive/commitment difference. He lasted about 1 month/2 private lessons. Which, in the end, worked out just fine for me exposure-wise.

[SexyMan2Cha]

Wow, a two-year-old thread got resurrected :)


Good thing you mentioned it, I was about to ask where you were located.

Hope it all worked out in the end.

[Ms_Sunlight]

But I am looking for feedback. If most people think my idea is dumb, then that is good information for me.

It's not dumb, I can see several reasons why a person might want to adopt such a rule (such as not appearing like an old lech to the teen girlies) but like any rule based on something arbitrary, it's going to be limiting. Still if it works for you there's nothing wrong with it.

[chandra]

Will you dance with me?

[Sagitta]

Will you dance with me?Any time. ;-) I don't limit myself to any arbitary restriction such as age/looks/ability... :-)