Competitors -- dealing with loss

[pygmalion]

The thread title says it. For you competitive dancers, winning is probably at least somewhat important to you, right? So what do you do, mentally or emotionally, to prepare yourself for or deal with those occasions when you lose, or when you don't place as well as expected?

And how do you get yourself psyched up for the next comp?

[Taita]

Interesting topic. Let's see if we can first start by defining how a dance competition is won (or lost). One wins a competition when enough judges think you danced better than your competition. Given this premise, it is fair to say that winning is something external that comes from something you may not have direct control over. In other words, you have complete control over your dancing and how you feel about it, but you have no control over how it is judged (unless you bribed somebody :wink: ).

Case in point: My partner and I recently danced at a large competition in 2 divisions. After some initial challenges (slippery floor!), we found our groove and proceeded to really enjoy ourselves and simply dancing with each other. People who watched said we we stood out for our 'quality' and were 'very easy to see'. Mind you, this was a very large field and we danced several rounds against at least 30 other couples, so this was very high praise indeed :D . After several rounds, we ended up winning our division!

We were still in a groove and made it through several rounds in the next higher division! Although we danced well, we just missed the final. All in all, a very respectable showing for our first time dancing at that level! :D We watched the awards and were shocked to learn that a couple we had beaten soundly in the lower division made it to the final in this division while we only made the semis! :shock: Some of the spectators around us were rather dismayed at the result and felt it was a travesty. But my partner and I just looked at each other and just smiled.

We felt good about our dancing and we knew we gave everything we had in surrendering to the moment. It was nice to be recognized for our effort, but what was more important was how we felt about our dancing, not on how the judges marked us. While I can be extremely driven, the only thing that really upsets me is when I don't put forth my very best effort. Deriving your own happiness from external validation is a sure recipe for unhappiness, not just in dance, but in life.

Back to lurk mode....

[d nice]

Taita pretty elegantly said it all.

Dancing can be one of two things a sport or an art. Not both. Artistic competitions you compete not against others but against yourself. You step on to the floor and do the best you can do. You win if you step off the floor happy and glowing. Your performance allowed you to express yourself, some artistic vision, some emotion. In a sport, an athletic competition it is about executing a task within the confines of the rules and hoping the judges or referee make the calls your way. If the call goes your way you can win regardless of whether or not it was your best effort. You can lose regardless or not if it was your best effort. The satisfaction comes from being recognized by others for being victorious.

You can enter a dancesport competition as an artistic competitor, and you can enter an artistic competition as a dance athlete. The division is really an internal marker. Where do you get your validation from?

A lot of social dancers or street dance competitors believe that dancesport is somehow inferior. It is not. It is simply different. We don't look at Basketball players and say oh well your not in it for the love of the game. Of course they are... playing in the nba is no less respectable than a pick up game on a sunday afternoon, or a recreational league.

[pygmalion]

Yes. Taita has quite a way with words. And dance philosophy too.

I actually posted this for others. I don't really care about winning, but about the quality of my dancing. I'm strongly considering entering my next comps uncontested, so I can get judged against a standard, rather than against the other people on the floor. I couldn't care less how I compare to the other who happened to have entered my heats. And actually, even an uncontested entry won't take the subjectivity away. But it's closer to what I want. For me, the best gauges of my success, or winning, if you will, are how I feel walking off the floor and how I look on video. So there! :tongue: :lol:

[pygmalion]

And here's another good article. Dan Messenger talks about dealing with competitions and how to keep loss in perspective. He saysa that, particularly at high levels, there is only one first place and only so many years to go after competitive goals. So the law of averages says that many people will never reach their competitive goals. Hmm. Food for thought.


dancing-times.co.uk/dancetoday200401-1.html

[twodance]

The trick to competing is to compete only with yourself. If you walk on the floor to beat other people it shows. :x If you dance your best and lose you can still feel good about yourself. :D Every dance in a competition is judged separatley. So every time you dance you get a new chance. If you lose in the cha cha you have to wipe it out of your mind. That dance is done and over with. You can't go back and change it, time to move on. Go back out and dance the rumba even better. Every competition is a learning experience and you grow from it. Dancing is not something you achieve overnight. It takes years to develope and that is what you are being judged on ...your improvement in your dancing.The couple that went back out and placed in the higher level didn't let thier previous placing bother them. After all dancing is supposed to be fun, so dance like it. :wink:

[Blondie]

I tend to go through several phases. Several weeks in advance as I work on my dancing, I remind myself that at the comp I will dance my best, have fun, and not worry about placings. However, there is always the slightest nagging thought that placings do matter. For me, they tend to be benchmarks that I gauge improvement in my dancing.

At a competition, I feel an inner anticipation and excitement as I go out on the floor and actually compete. Being very self critical, I still try to be objective about my dancing...to say that I've danced the best I could possibly dance. I don't have delusions about placing in the top 3 placings (if it's a big comp). However, in bigger competitions I do not receive callbacks or do not place in the top placements. Then I go through a depression for the next couple of hours or so. :headwall: I kick myself mentally for feeling that way, but have learned that it's just my reaction and yes, I get over it. So I just flow with it. Later, the mood passes and I move on. By the time my next dance lesson rolls around, I'm ready and rearing to go!

I know that dancing well does not happen overnight, not from the competitive angle. And just like a lot of folks, I want to do well and want it to happen now! ha ha :roll: But logic tells me that it only comes with years of hard work. Despite that, competitive loss affects me emotionally at the time it happens. But I just let it happen, retreat for a short while, then move on. Not worrying about it, but learning from it each time. And resolving to always work hard and to keep learning!

Oh I love to dance! :bouncy:

[tinydancer]

dance...its my life :lol:




~*Tinydancer*~

[pygmalion]

Any thoughts, new DF members? How do you deal with loss? Do you find it discouraging, or motivating for future efforts, or other?

[Laura]

There's another kind of loss to think about: losing a partner. People rarely talk about it, but I think it's more of a hurt to lose your partner than to lose a competition. If you lose a competition you can always enter another one, but if you lose your partner you're totally stopped from competing until you can find another one and prepare again with the new person.

As far as not coming in first place...it's been years since I have, so I'm used to it. All I really care about is feeling like I've danced my best. Every once in a while it really stings not to make a cut, but it's not the end of the world, I get over it in a day or two. It helps me a lot to watch my video and see how much progress I've made, and to get back to work preparing for the next competition.

[pygmalion]

I can relate, Laura, and I've never even had a partner, other than pro-am. Three ladies from my former studio are competing pro-am with my old coach today, and I'm not yet ready to compete with my new coach or amateur partner. I must admit, I feel pretty bad today. That loss hurts, too.

Moving on was the right thing, but it's not easy leaving the past behind.

[DanceAm]

It has never been about winning for us as much as achieving a certain level in our dance. We don't think that every time we enter a new level we expect to win it, but we do have goals in mind of how we want to dance. And there have been two times that we were really disappointed, the first time we danced USABDA Bronze Rhythm and Smooth and the first time we tried open level. It wasn't because we lost so badly as much as it was because we were so unprepared. We expected more but didn't really plan it out.

We have pushed ourselves through the levels rather quickly and have been competing and doing very well against competitors that have been dancing much longer than we have. Making a final, making the top three, that is good enough for us, as long as we are going against competitors we respect. When we hit Championship level at USABDA the first time, it would be great to win, but just doing it the first time will be an experience I am sure I will remember. Back when I was Bronze, I remembered watching all those dedicated dancers at the higher levels, wondering about how hard they worked and the passion with which they competed, and simply, just how well they danced, and that's when I made my decision of what I wanted.

But one point I am neglecting to really mention is my partner and wife. Of the two of us, it really just takes me a lot longer than it does for her to get better. She is a great dancer and it actually seemed that I was holding her back. Her belief in us as a dance couple along with her patience has been my inspiration. If she wanted pro/am competition, she could have had it and would have been pretty high up there by now if not on top. We also might have been able to avoid some of those frustrating practices when it seemed nothing was working and we ended up just being mad.

Which brings me to one final point, when you work so hard and sacrifice so much, winning seems to make it all worth it. All the arguments, sore muscles, aching joints, blisters, all of that is forgotten when you win. Not winning is not so bad, if you put it in perspective and achieved your goals, but getting your butt kicked after all the money, time, energy, frustration, and a few coarse words, I can see why people give up on competition. If it just doesn't help you anymore and it is no fun, then maybe it is time to stop. I think it is actually a time to reevaluate your goals. I have seen many competitors stop for many reasons, but I have also seen many start to enjoy dancing again too. They have more fun doing exhibitions around town, raising money for charity, making Ballroom more popular and everyone tells them what a great dancer they are and what a great performance they did.

I don't have the answer, I may win a championship someday and wonder if that is it. Or I could brag about it to my co-workers at two full time jobs because I spent so much on that goal and now I have a mountain of debt. I could watch the tape over and over again until there is nothing left or it breaks, and they no longer sell VCR's. I just don't know, but what I do know is my wife and I are having the time of our lives, it makes us feel like we are much younger individuals with Olympic aspirations. We are united as a team and because we care for each other, we will each do whatever we can for the other. And I am just going to ride this out all I can until I can't. It reminds me of early in our marriage when we were struggling together and we both wanted to further our education, own a house, a nicer car, have beautiful kids. None of that happened overnight and it took a lot of teamwork between us to make it happen. We both think we have the best partner because we know that there is no one else in the world that will do as much for the other as we do.

Winning? I already won.

[cl5814]

DanceAm,

Congratulations. You're an achiever. Thanks for sharing.