Manners when asking for a dance

[danceguy]

Hi Everyone,

I was out at a ballrom venue recently and I saw something happen that really struck me as rude and lacking manners. I was sitting next to an older gentleman and a lady who were have a conversation - and another guy walked right up, and just cut them off and extended his hand to the lady. The lady accepted and as he was leaving with her, the guy turned to the man sitting down and said "pardon me" with such a rude and condescending tone that I had to restrain myself from tripping him as he walked by me! :shock:

I couldn't believe what a jerk this guy was - he's a regular at this same venue and I've seen him do similiar things before. I used to notice that I felt a lot of strange vibes from him...almost like he saw me as competition (he's a good 20 years older than me and I'm usually the youngest guy there).

Later that week, I was a Salsa event where I noticed a man walk up to a young couple who was also sitting down. The man very polietly excused himself for interrupting their conversation - and then asked the lady to dance as he also acknowledged her boyfriend. The lady accepted and her bf smiled and encouraged her to dance with the man who had asked her - and it gave me more faith in humanity to see someone with manners and ettiquite.

I understand that people and certain dance events can vary night to night, but in my experience I have noticed better manners and friendlier people at Salsa events - and more attitude and ego at Swing and Ballroom venues.

So I thought I'd ask the group here - what kind of manners (good or bad) have you noticed at the dance venues you frequent - or even ones that aren't your regular haunts? Does it have anything to do with the style of dancing going on, or just the people?

Best,

SG

[Sagitta]

On the most part have had good exprience and observed good manners all around whether it be swing/salsa/ballroom...I think it depends on the people and not the style of dance.

[KevinL]

I think it is more related to the people involved, not the kind of dance. People can be rude on occassion, and even normally polite people can make mistakes.

I saw "Blast from the past" last night, and in one scene the gay guy was explaining to the girl that "A gentleman or lady is, at the most basic level, someone who makes certain that everyone around them is as comfortable as possible."

I like to think that people feel comfortable around me, but at the same time I'm certain that I have inadvertantly offended people and not realized it.

[Magwitch]

I think you have to find a balance you're comfortable with personally. I'm pretty shy when it comes to asking others to dance (I'm working on it), and at the last swing dance, I wanted to ask one particular follow to dance. Problem was, when I found her, she was in the middle of a discussion with someone else, so I moved on. I went to find her again a dance or two later, and she was talking to someone else, so I turned away again. She had seen me looking for her both times though, and this time she caught up to me and asked me to dance, and of course I said yes (enthusiastically). She asked why I hadn't asked her, and I told her I didn't want to interrupt her conversations. She kind of teased me for being "too polite" and said "I'm here to dance, not to talk. I can talk to people after the dance."

I agree, a lot depends on mannerisms and prior level of association/friendship, but simply being aware of other's feelings goes a long way toward helping you show respect, politeness, good manners, or whatever you want to call it when interacting socially.

[Sagitta]

If they are talking get their attention. If that happens it's easy to get in, ask the lady for a dance, and have your dance! :) I'm quite aggressive, actually, I think!

[Swing Kitten]

If I don't get a dance right away I'm likely to occupy myself with other things (like conversation) that doesn not mean that I am not interested in dancing. I'm there to enjoy myself with any means available. I think the advice to get the person's attention first is a good one... if the conversation is casual then they will most likely notice the effort and if the conversation is deeper and best not to be disturbed then it stands to reason that they would be too emersed to take notice and no harm is done.

[danceguy]

Sagitta has a good philosophy here - and that is exactly what I do, though probably not as aggresively! 8)

I usually walk up and approach a group of ladies in their line of vision so that they can see me, and once they notice me I very polietly ask for a dance. A lot of this depends on the dynamics of the particular venue - ie how close are they to do the dance floor - where is the seating arranged?

For instance, at my favorite Salsa spot - the seats are right by the dance floor so its easy to approach any ladies you'd like to ask. At another venue - the seating is all around the room and some group groups of ladies will be sitting way off in a corner. I tend to avoid people who do this - or if they appear to be deep in conversation - I always look for ladies that are close to the dance floor - especially if they are already standing up then its usually obvious they want to dance.

I'm not as outgoing as Sagitta (not yet anyway!) - but it takes a fair bit of courage to walk up to a group of ladies you've never seen before and ask one to dance. You get smiles, giggles and all that - but I'm starting to actually enjoy doing this - let em' giggle all they want. :)

Part of the fun in learning to dance is getting to meet others - so I say ask em' all and be a gentleman about it - and you should be just fine. :wink:

Best,

SG