To date or not to date... is it specific to tango?

[jfm]

So...
I posted this on Q's thread in dancers anonymous, but from speaking to friends it seems that tango might be in a different class to other dances...


When Orlando Bloom announced he was single and looking on This Morning with Phil and Fern, I actually had this train of thought:
"ooh lovely, there's hope for me yet... no! damn! he doesn't Tango! What's the point in going out with someone who doesn't tango? Sorry Orlando, you are out of luck..." then I thought "actually, no, i'd never go out with someone from Tango... Oh my God! I can't win!" because of all the reasons people have already given for avoiding dance floor romances...
So now I find, I can't go out with Orlando because he doesn't Tango, but then if he did tango I couldn't either....
Oh what a tangled web!

Would you date someone who tango'd? would you consider someone who doesn't? would you persuade them to learn? to what degree do people you dance with interpret your enjoyment of the dance as enjoyment of them? etc etc? Is Tango a special case? If so why?

[Ampster]

I personaly know 4 couples who met on the tango dance floor/studio/class and are now long time happily married couples, 1 couple who are now engaged, and, another two couples who are actually dating because of Tango.

[Me]

If I found myself alone, and met somebody new, that person would at least have to be understanding of the type of intimacy that is tango. However, I cannot help but think that is an extremely tall order for somebody who knows nothing of tango and has no interest in learning.

[spectator]

It's really something to think about... but I reckon I could make an exception for Orlando...

[samina]

<wondering if he tangoes...>

[spectator]

a "gender unspecified" person can dream...

[jfm]

We should make a list of beautiful men who should learn to tango and then ambush them...

[Me]

Oooooh lemmie start the list!

1. Alan Rickman


*swoon*

[Twirly]

It's a tricky question. Both options have good and bad points, but if you really like someone you have to go for it, right? As long as you're not planning on trying to "change them" (e.g. they don't want to dance / they dance too much) it might just work...

[Twirly]

I think the tango scene looks quite different depending on where you are. In some places it has more of a ballroom feel, with a lot of older couples, not focused on late night milongas with alcohol, more of a daytime atmosphere if you'd like. In others it feels more like night clubs with many single young people, a bit like salsa clubs perhaps. Obviously there will be a difference.

Either way it's always best to be careful, everyone loves a good gossip and things can get awkward.

[Ron Obvious]

Hate to mention this cliché, but "It takes two to tango". Hehe.

[bordertangoman]

hmmm, well it would be nice to have a partner who tangoes.

I find myself admiring the way a woman walks ( as well as the usual attributes) and thinking she'd make a nice tango dancer.

[Joe]

What are the "usual attributes?"

[bastet]

I also have a downside to dancing with the person you are with, especially if both of you are "determined" in you rputlook to dancing tango...invariable bickering about who did what right or wrong and how something should be done. In my experience, people tend to give their "social" partners a break when it comes to technical problems, but almost everyone i know who has a regular partner (whether they are dating or not) says they argue about dancing....that's definitely a reality to think about if you decide to date someone you are dancing with.

[bafonso]

What are the "usual attributes?"

Intelligence of course!

b

[Mochaboy]

but almost everyone i know who has a regular partner (whether they are dating or not) says they argue about dancing....

Haha...so true it hurts :)

I guess it's just like anything else in life...

- if you're lucky, you meet someone that's "no assembly required", rabid about dancing and generally pleasant to be around (to you anyway :)

- if you're lucky, you'll meet someone that sees the value in learning something together, is not overly critical, and makes a concerted effort to give *constructive criticism (and shut up the other 98% of the time).

As for me and mine...

Otherwise blissful life - the only thing that ever causes friction in our relationship is tango...precisely the points where we find ourselves incapable of "working out" a move, and where the conjecture begins.

What you want to hear is, "ok honey - let's do it your way"
What you end up hearing is, "No that's wrong, this is your part"
How you end up interpreting it, "2 yrs of private lessons and you can't do a simple gancho!!!! whatsa matta with you!!!"

And yes, I'm less critical with social dance partners, but when I dance with my partner partner, it takes a constant effort not to misinterpret what's being said. I'd like to say we're doing it the right way, because it's 6 months later and we're still taking classes together, and it's still one of the many things we look forward to doing together as a couple :)

fwiw

[Heather2007]

No. I wouldn't. A friend of mine earlier this year confessed his feelings towards me. It came as no surprise as I'd often times witness the mood if I didn't have the "last dance" with him or if I'd arrive back at the sofa beaming after a good dance. In the car drive home from a milonga one evening I detected a mood. I barely got out of the car and he was already tearing off down the road. Some days later he explained the reason behind his mood. I firmly explained that I did not feel the same way and that friendship is all he'd get from me. I left my local class and joined another and have limited myself to just one milonga outting with him a week. The others are now spent with my tango'ing girlfriends or by myself. I love dancing with different guys - no matter their race, age, size or even their level. Where is the learning (for me that is) if I commit myself to one dancer only. What say, an Antonio Banderas look-alike/dance-alike was to approach me and 20 minutes lates we're still exchanging sweat. The last thing I need to be worrying about is my husband/boyfriend glaring over from the sidelines. Ha, ha, ha.

[basicarita]

Oooooh lemmie start the list!

1. Alan Rickman


*swoon*

It may be detonating a bomb to say this here, but the divine Mr. Rickman actually can tango. There's a group (I've forgotten the name of it; I think it's because I'm jealous of the lead singer b/c she danced with him) -- they're Scottish, I think, and Dallas Austin directed a video of theirs where they're picked up in a chauffeured Jag and go to a gas station at what looks like 3 in the morning and tango. Then the Jag drops him back at his flat and takes her wherever else she was going. If I had known they ere shooting, I think I would have been sitting right there on the steps waiting for him to get back.

I'll try and find the link for the video.

[Dave Bailey]

It may be detonating a bomb to say this here, but the divine Mr. Rickman actually can tango.
The track is "In demand", by the band Texas (yes, they're Scottish!), and there's a video here:
http://video.leakynews.com/video/show/219

The tango stuff starts at about 2.15 minutes into the video - it's not really tango, it's just lots of dramatic looks and so on. Hmmm, maybe that is real tango :)

Although Alan Rickman definitely has "the look" in that vid.

The only celeb I know who's passionate about AT is Clive James, but I can't see many women swooning so much over him.

[Ampster]

The only celeb I know who's passionate about AT is Clive James, but I can't see many women swooning so much over him.

The celeb that I know of that truly studies, knows, and dances tango is Robert Duvall

[Peaches]

Although Alan Rickman definitely has "the look" in that vid.Ya know, I've always found Alan Rickman to be sexy...until that video. He's got fugly hands...ick. Cross him off any lists...

[samina]

they look like father & daughter...:rolleyes:

[basicarita]

The celeb that I know of that truly studies, knows, and dances tango is Robert Duvall

Whoa. :cool:

Speaking of tango and "The Godfather", I had a lesson once with Paul Pellicoro (one of the studios' claims to fame is that he's the man who "taught Al Pacino to tango" for "Scent of a Woman"). I don't generally tango (salsa/lindy and jazz/modern), but that lesson was pretty smooth.

[Joe]

Speaking of tango and "The Godfather", I had a lesson once with Paul Pellicoro (one of the studios' claims to fame is that he's the man who taught Al Pacino to "tango" for "Scent of a Woman"). I don't generally tango (salsa/lindy and jazz/modern), but that lesson was pretty smooth.
Fixed your quotes. ;)

[Peaches]

*snort*

[thespina13]

I think there are more dating-dancer threads in the salsa forum than anywhere. Salsa is built to be a courtship thing I think. Definitely a flirt thing. Definitely sexy. It happens all the time. Dating runs rampant amongst salser@s. Marriage? Happens lots too... but I wouldn't be too sure of the stability of some of those marriages.

[noobster]

Really? I find most of the salser@s I know are perpetually single. It is like they are married to the dance. They spend all their free time dancing, dating another salsa addict would be too messy and they'll never find a non-dancer who would tolerate a relationship with someone who spends five nights a week caressing other people's sweaty bodies.

Tango, I can't tell what's going on since I'm really not in the scene yet. The crowd is definitely on the older side though. Maybe they're over all this business already. Then again, maybe not.

For me personally: when I started dancing I was in a relationship that has since tanked, for reasons mostly unrelated to the dancing. Now I am kind of in the same place as all the rest of the single salser@s out there. I am having too much fun dancing to want to give up any of my dance time towards nurturing a real relationship.

[jfm]

Not many young, sexy men tango in the places I do. It is a tragedy... How can we entice some lovelies into the lessons and then get them to stay?

[quixotedlm]

Not many young, sexy men tango in the places I do. It is a tragedy... How can we entice some lovelies into the lessons and then get them to stay?

you can seduce them. just pick anyone, and make up a rule - for every 5 hours he pracitces his skills on the floor, he can have an hour in the bed ;)

[quixotedlm]

Really? I find most of the salser@s I know are perpetually single. It is like they are married to the dance. They spend all their free time dancing, dating another salsa addict would be too messy and they'll never find a non-dancer who would tolerate a relationship with someone who spends five nights a week caressing other people's sweaty bodies.

Tango, I can't tell what's going on since I'm really not in the scene yet. The crowd is definitely on the older side though. Maybe they're over all this business already. Then again, maybe not.

For me personally: when I started dancing I was in a relationship that has since tanked, for reasons mostly unrelated to the dancing. Now I am kind of in the same place as all the rest of the single salser@s out there. I am having too much fun dancing to want to give up any of my dance time towards nurturing a real relationship.

sigh! me too :(

[samina]

i do know what you mean.

[jfm]

I'm a good girl, I am!

[spectator]

no you're not.

[Peaches]

I'm a good girl, I am!
Washed your face and hands before you came, did you?

[Dave Bailey]

Washed your face and hands before you came, did you?
:eek:
Ahem...

[The Tango Addict]

Hi.... Tango Addict here.... tango relationships can be tricky. I've devoted my new blog to my experiences with love and life on the dance floor. Would love your comments. www.thetangoaddiction.blogspot.com (http://www.thetangoaddiction.blogspot.com)

Besos,
Eva

[The Tango Addict]

My first inclination is to say NO DONT! but then I find myself talking excessively about my love for tango with my nontango dates. They all have the same "amused but confused" look on their faces. Perhaps they are impressed by my zest and passion or they are just really thinking "I should run right now before she asks me to try dancing with her." I find myself at ease with my male tango friends sharing in this love/addiction.... then there're all these other questions... like if I dated them... would we be able to handle the jealousy factor? The breaking up is the hardest part.... how do you go about splitting milongas?? Fortunately, I already went through this part. I can tell you it's not fun. Perhaps I should just treat each 3 minutes with my dance partner as a mini love affair.... which really doesn't sound all that bad.

besos,
Eva

[quixotedlm]

The breaking up is the hardest part.... how do you go about splitting milongas?? Fortunately, I already went through this part. I can tell you it's not fun. Perhaps I should just treat each 3 minutes with my dance partner as a mini love affair.... which really doesn't sound all that bad.

besos,
Eva

You don't split 'em - you keep them all.

[The Tango Addict]

These things do take a little time to heal ... and during that time, it's best to avoid seeing each other at milongas. I do agree eventually you should feel free to go to all of them. Happy Dancing!

Besos,
Eva

[Ampster]

... Perhaps I should just treat each 3 minutes with my dance partner as a mini love affair.... which really doesn't sound all that bad.

besos,
Eva

That IS the whole point! :cool:

Muchos besos

[Twirly]

That IS the whole point! :cool:

Muchos besos

... but it's not really enough, is it?

[newbie]

The breaking up is the hardest part.... how do you go about splitting milongas??

Now that's interesting... Given being the number of milongas in your town, how many breaking ups can you afford before you fell short of milongas?

[Peaches]

:eek:
Ahem...
It's a quote from a movie. My Fair Lady, I believe.

Get your mind out of the gutter!

[Joe]

Why does breaking up have to be so hard that you would have to split milongas?

[The Tango Addict]

Well I can pretend I don't care seeing my ex at a milonga... but the truth is I probably won't be able to block out the fact he is there and notice who he's dancing with... then it might ruin my tango zen. Better to avoid it when emotions are still raw. I think it really depends on who broke up with whom. He left in my case... so therefore, I should get the first pick of milongas.

besos,
Eva

[Dave Bailey]

It's a quote from a movie. My Fair Lady, I believe.

Get your mind out of the gutter!
Sorry? What, you think I was thinking of something dirty? :confused:

:tongue:

[Joe]

She did ask if you'd washed...

[quixotedlm]

Well I can pretend I don't care seeing my ex at a milonga... but the truth is I probably won't be able to block out the fact he is there and notice who he's dancing with... then it might ruin my tango zen. Better to avoid it when emotions are still raw. I think it really depends on who broke up with whom. He left in my case... so therefore, I should get the first pick of milongas.

besos,
Eva

understandable... i'm going thru something like this... but i'm not sharing anything. all dancing venues are mine - even the ones for dances i don't dance yet. i'll put up with the heartache... :rolleyes:

[SPratt74]

Well I can pretend I don't care seeing my ex at a milonga... but the truth is I probably won't be able to block out the fact he is there and notice who he's dancing with... then it might ruin my tango zen. Better to avoid it when emotions are still raw. I think it really depends on who broke up with whom. He left in my case... so therefore, I should get the first pick of milongas.

besos,
Eva

Yep. That's one reason why while I'm looking for a dance partner now, I don't want to date them. I'd rather not, and hopefully I am making this very clear to those involved. I just want to have dance as a me thing. I know that's probably selfish, but I want something for myself. And I don't want to put up with the hassle that comes with that. While it can be a a good thing, I have found that more often it's not. I have seen some break up on really bad terms while others haven't. I'd just rather not deal with all of that personally good or bad.

[salsera_alemana]

I guess you all are not risk takers and try to stay away from getting burned... I do not blame you, used to be like that, too.

When my husband came up with that "plan" that he wanted to go out with me, he said that I cannot win anything if I don’t risk anything. I met him in the salsa scene and he was not the one I would have picked to have a crush on, hadn't spend a thought on him then (other than dancing with him) but he was determined about me. Also I was reluctant about dating Latinos because of their reputation as womanizers (big risk and I was not a risk taker). I had kind of the same concerns that you all mention here (hurt, reputation in the salsa scene, would see him around after the breakup etc.). He convinced me to take the risk and I am very happy that I did.

When you have a hobby like salsa or tango that emcompasses your whole lifestyle, it is wonderful to have someone with whom to share that. I think with someone not interested in that hobby you would not be able to "live and breathe tango" as you do now because he/she would not understand that. Maybe he/she also would have issues with jealousy. I mean, we live in our “own little tango/salsa world”, don’t we? I am so grateful to have someone with whom I can share my passion.

Yes, dating couples who are also dance partners tend to get into discussions/fights about who is right and who is wrong and whose fault it is, especially at the beginning of the relationship. That can be overcome, as all other relationship problems that might come up along the way.

[The Tango Addict]

It's good to hear a story with a happy ending Salsera!
You're one of the fortunate few to have found a good egg with the same passion for dance.

Eva

[The Tango Addict]

Quote
"Why does breaking up have to be so hard that you would have to split milongas?"

There are a one or two each weeknight and few on the weekends. But it takes time to establish yourself and get acquainted with the people at a milonga. So jumping into a new milongas is not that simple. But no worries I plan to go back to my favoriate milongas next week. Ex or no ex!

Eva

[DancinAnne]

I met my husband on the dance floor. We had no plan... just an undeniable connection and a very happy ending. A risk well worth taking. But then, I've always been a risk-taker. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I don't plan to change any time soon! I'm having too much fun!

[milongadicto]

I recently had my most serious girlfriend so far, and we met through tango. It was great while it lasted, but broke up for reasons unrelated to dancing.

Some general observations: Sometimes when she was dancing with somebody really good I wondered if she thought she'd rather have a better dancing boyfriend. She also sometimes asked if such and such was better than her. We both are relatively confident, but still we're human. And most importantly, we were honest to each other. Sometimes she would tell me how she had not so innocent thoughts about an instructor, and I'd tell her how once I had a crush on an Ukrainian dancer at an out of town milonga. We would just laugh about these "confessions". I think that as long as neither is psychotic possessive and that both are honest and open minded it can definitely work.
Now with the break up...
It was a friendly break up, but still she acted a little awkward about seeing each other at milongas or practicas. It was only last week, so we haven't had the chance to have awkward moments at venues. This is a small college town in the middle of nowhere with a small tango community, so we can't split up milongas. We coincided at one milonga, and I don't think anyone noticed anything weird. Then again, I didn't think anyone had noticed when we started dating, but most women did. I don't really mind the gossip anyway, so whatever. I had a great time at the milonga whether or not she was there, though I didn't get to dance with her, maybe because she sneakily avoided it but also because she left early to attend another social event. But I was outside having a drink when she left, and we said bye normally. I don't know yet, but I really hope dancing with her won't be weird, because even before we dated I liked dancing with her. Then again.... she told me that the first time she considered me as a serious sentimental partner was during a dance that she thought was particularly passionate. So maybe it can feel weird for her. But I hope not....... Updates will follow for those who are interested in the subject.

Because the community is so small, I can't think of anyone else I'd date, and even if there was someone, chances are that my ex knows her. So I think I'm going to start looking outside the tango scene, and will also post updates regarding that, as in comparisons and stuff. I don't think the non-tango gf will be as good...... because the tango gf was freaking awesome. But in any case, if I do get a non-tango gf, I'll try to get her in it. In general, nontango women I know are intrigued when I tell them about my passion and some beg me to teach them, so I don't think it'll be a big problem.

[Madahlia]

I don't think the non-tango gf will be as good...... because the tango gf was freaking awesome. But in any case, if I do get a non-tango gf, I'll try to get her in it. In general, nontango women I know are intrigued when I tell them about my passion and some beg me to teach them, so I don't think it'll be a big problem.

Having a non-tango bf causes problems. I just don't get to dance as much tango as I otherwise would because relationships are time-consuming. Sometimes I feel a bit resentful that my bf consumes time that might have better been spent dancing. Other times I think about the poor salseros "married to the dance", as someone said earlier, and feel glad that I'm not (at the moment) enslaved to that mindset.

There's a faint chance that the bf might wish to take a few tango lessons - I ought to encourage this, but am a bit worried about the hours of coaching I might have to put in, and the problems a big disparity of experience might cause. However, deciding what to do on a Saturday evening would become simpler.

The bf is intrigued and generally supportive but has no real idea of what dancing represents in my life, and in the lives of fellow-obsessives. That shared awareness is taken for granted amongst dancers but leaves me with the feeling that he only knows half of me.

[wonderwoman]

The question is, would a non-AT dancer be okay with his girlfriend dancing it with other guys?

[mkjohnson]

The question is, would a non-AT dancer be okay with his girlfriend dancing it with other guys?
Non-AT - SO's:

My husband refuses to dance to anything - and especially does not care for tango music. (He listens to jazz and heavy metal. That's it.) Yet he has been incredibly supportive of my learning AT and going dancing at milongas. For the first few months I was dancing 15-22 hours a week, so I was out of the house many evenings. That got to be difficult because we were never seeing each other, so I scaled back to 3 nights a week (9-12 hrs of dancing a week). Part of his supportiveness comes from knowing that this has helped my health tremendously. I'm very lucky to have his encouragement - I may never have started if I didn't have that. It also helps that he doesn't automatically equate passion for the dance and the community, with something sexual.

As far as relationships I've seen at the milonga - when things go south, some couples do really well at maintaining friendships and routines - other couples get personal, and it gets ugly. It's a risk. I'm not sure it's something you can predict easily.

[Heather2007]

Having a non-tango bf causes problems.

It can but it shouldn't. In just the same way living with a, say, male flatmate. You share all spaces (but the bed of course) - you sit and watch TV together, cook together, go out for a drink/dinner together, share the same sense of humour etc...when you do get together...you sit and listen to each other's day over coffee or cream. So no, it shouldn't be a hassle if complete and total understanding, patience and a huge willingness to hear (if not share) of the other's interest(s) comes into play. And...that my dear...is what true soulmateship is all about - being with a true "friend" and taking the relationship to the "next stage" should not be any different to that which you do with the hypothetical flatmate above :ladiesma:

[Heather2007]

The question is, would a non-AT dancer be okay with his girlfriend dancing it with other guys?

I guess similar question can be put to an actor whose role requires them to be naked and in the throes of graphic intimacy. And so...

[bordertangoman]

I guess similar question can be put to an actor whose role requires them to be naked and in the throes of graphic intimacy. And so...

are you saying that you fake it on the dance floor? ;)

[Heather2007]

are you saying that you fake it on the dance floor? ;)

Absotruly :friend:

[Madahlia]

.....it shouldn't be a hassle if complete and total understanding, patience and a huge willingness to hear (if not share) of the other's interest(s) comes into play. And...that my dear...is what true soulmateship is all about - being with a true "friend" and taking the relationship to the "next stage" should not be any different to that which you do with the hypothetical flatmate above :ladiesma:

My view is that sharing experience and interests is more likely to cement a relationship than boring your partner to death about a topic even if they express willingness to listen!

I don't believe in soulmates. Relationships are about selfless effort, tolerance and compromise. None of which I shine at. Given those, one could build a successful relationship with just about anyone.

Anyway, your definition of soulmateship is not the issue. Time allocation is the issue. If I am at tango I am not with him. If I am with him I am not at tango. He would like me to spend more time with him. I would like to spend more time at tango. The maths just doesn't add up!

Two solutions:
1.Relentlessly introduce him to tango on a socialising level.
2.Relentlessly ring-fence tangotime with an meticulously kept diary, working weeks, months, years in advance. Not my strong point either!


That got to be difficult because we were never seeing each other, so I scaled back to 3 nights a week (9-12 hrs of dancing a week).Exactly - someone, somewhere, has to make compromises.

[Heather2007]

My view is that sharing experience and interests is more likely to cement a relationship than boring your partner to death about a topic even if they express willingness to listen!.

Hmm...never a nicer a quality than having someone ask "how was your day?" We don't always have to be peas in pods (what would we talk about it?)

I don't believe in soulmates. Relationships are about selfless effort, tolerance and compromise. None of which I shine at.

I respect your honesty. But of course then begs a whole barrel of questions...which I won't ask lest I run the risk of boring you to tears :-)

[Dave Bailey]

I respect your honesty. But of course then begs a whole barrel of questions...which I won't ask lest I run the risk of boring you to tears :-)
Heee, I'll have to introduce you two sometime :)

[Heather2007]

Heee, I'll have to introduce you two sometime :)

Erm..nah. None of my friends tango and you know what? I quite like it that way. Weird but true..;)

[bordertangoman]

Erm..nah. None of my friends tango and you know what? I quite like it that way. Weird but true..;)

Enemy, Mine on the tango floor?

[Captain Jep]

Erm..nah. None of my friends tango and you know what? I quite like it that way. Weird but true..;)

No just weird :p

[Heather2007]

No just weird :p

I know. ;)

[ballroomdancer33]

There is a saying goes that it takes two to tango. Hehehe. I am glad that there are relationships budding between tango partners.

Cheers.

[Dave Bailey]

There is a saying goes that it takes two to tango.
I'm curious now - does anyone know when and where that phrase was invented?

[piimapoika]

Probably from the 1952 Pearl Bailey song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAiVOZBe2Js

unless it's still older than that

[Madahlia]

Hmm...never a nicer a quality than having someone ask "how was your day?" We don't always have to be peas in pods (what would we talk about it?)There's always loads to talk about, most productively when it's about common interests and experiences. I don't recall having denigrated the "How was your day" approach but it still doesn't really address the dancer / non-dancer issue.

[Heather2007]

There's always loads to talk about, most productively when it's about common interests and experiences. I don't recall having denigrated the "How was your day" approach but it still doesn't really address the dancer / non-dancer issue.

Question: that one works as a regularly on call firefighter or doctor whilst their partner having a 9 to 5 job - an issue? I mean, 3hrs, 2-3 times a week out of anybody's life is seriously not that much and should not be an issue for either partner (dancer as well as non-dancer). Unless of course it is made an issue to mask other issues that is going on - outside of tango.

[Madahlia]

Question: that one works as a regularly on call firefighter or doctor whilst their partner having a 9 to 5 job - an issue? I mean, 3hrs, 2-3 times a week out of anybody's life is seriously not that much and should not be an issue for either partner (dancer as well as non-dancer).

People are always compromising and negotiating to get what they want or can out of life. Most people don't find it an easy or smooth process - do they? Or they wouldn't need to negotiate or compromise. Most of my friends who expect to have full, busy lives do a lot of juggling to fit in everything they want, including partners, and maybe don't manage it as well as they would like.

For some people, 6 -9 hours would amount to a lot of time. Where I live, tango mainly happens at weekends, just when people might expect their partner to be free to spend time with them, so I have to choose. If I could get my fix on a week night, where it would impinge less on the relationship I would, but I can't.


Unless of course it is made an issue to mask other issues that is going on - outside of tango.
Am I to understand that you work in the counselling profession? Then you will know that an issue-free relationship is a rare thing.

[c955]

The important thing to remember though is that an 'emotional connection' doesn't automatically mean a good 'dance connection' will ensue and vice versa!

[Heather2007]

People are always compromising and negotiating to get what they want or can out of life.

Girl..we ain't so different in our views although I would subsitute "compromise" for "sacrifice". Although the two meanings are quite often misunderstood. I personally don't think a relationship should be "worked" at. (I have a day job where I do that). But yep, some do have to juggle etc. etc. (compromise) and others just give up (sacrifice). There should always be a healthy balance between the different interests of two people and then putting aside time where "quality time" is set for both to do something that is shared (and not just playing on the carpet with the kids).

Am I to understand that you work in the counselling profession? Then you will know that an issue-free relationship is a rare thing.

I had an issue-free relationship once...and then his death separated us. Made a promise to myself some years back - no more relationships - as I kept comparing those after him (which was unforgivably unfair...one ex even shouted, "I cannot compete with this, this dead guy of yours". He was right. Ha, ha, ha.

A counseller? Nah. Just remembering what I once had...which turned me into a people watcher :rolleyes:

[Madahlia]

The important thing to remember though is that an 'emotional connection' doesn't automatically mean a good 'dance connection' will ensue and vice versa!

Absolutely - it's one of the mysteries of dance how a connection during the dance can seem so powerful at the time, yet so completely without basis in any other context.

[milongadicto]

So I talked to my tango ex last night, and an interesting thing she told me was that she wished I had shown a little more jealousy... as in I seemed cold and unmoved when she danced multiple tandas with better dancers, as well as in other non-tango contexts. In reality, I am human, so I do get jealous, but it always seemed to me that jealousy is a sign of insecurity. As such I made a conscious effort to hide jealousy. I don't think this would have changed things much, but this aspect intrigues me about female psychology. I guess every person has different perspectives and preferences, but what do women here think?

[Madahlia]

So I talked to my tango ex last night, and an interesting thing she told me was that she wished I had shown a little more jealousy... as in I seemed cold and unmoved when she danced multiple tandas with better dancers, as well as in other non-tango contexts. In reality, I am human, so I do get jealous, but it always seemed to me that jealousy is a sign of insecurity. As such I made a conscious effort to hide jealousy. I don't think this would have changed things much, but this aspect intrigues me about female psychology. I guess every person has different perspectives and preferences, but what do women here think?

Hearing this makes me feel utterly relieved I don't have a tango bf as I don't have to bother going through the whole jealousy thing which I know would arise in dance context!

I suppose it would support her feelings of security if you had shown more jealousy but it would also encourage game-playing rather than direct communication of feelings. Taken to extremes, having a jealous partner would be a pain in the neck at a dance event.

[Joe]

So I talked to my tango ex last night, and an interesting thing she told me was that she wished I had shown a little more jealousy... as in I seemed cold and unmoved when she danced multiple tandas with better dancers, as well as in other non-tango contexts. In reality, I am human, so I do get jealous, but it always seemed to me that jealousy is a sign of insecurity. As such I made a conscious effort to hide jealousy. I don't think this would have changed things much, but this aspect intrigues me about female psychology. I guess every person has different perspectives and preferences, but what do women here think?
Haha, I bet if you had shown more jealousy that she would have complained that you were too jealous.

[milongadicto]

Yeah... you just can't win

[dchester]

There is a thread started by David Bailey i believe..About the rise and fall in the walk..So i thought i would put this question out there.Have you ever walked an entire song at a milonga? To see if there are many leaders who do this...or have tried it.
This post looks awfully similar to this thread (http://www.dance-forums.com/showthread.php?t=34225) started by Mr Walker.

http://www.dance-forums.com/showthread.php?t=34225