Want to attend dancing solo but someone wants to come with me...

[LovingIt28]

Hi everyone,

Love your thoughts/feedback.

So I just returned from Singapore and RAVED about it. Hoping to encourage people to go to the congress (SISF) soon. I have already booked. I am definitely going.

However, I MUCH prefer to attend these things solo. Or if in a group, a very supportive yet INDEPENDENT group. I mean, I have the chance to dance with the 'group' most of the year but have all these new people the congress weekend. Even if I sit out songs, I would still prefer to watch the other dancers then to dance with people I dance with all the time. OF course I WANT to dance with them but feel my development is better off WATCHING the other fantastic dancers too as I do not watch them when on the floor. I am focusing on the music, my partner and the moment!

So, this one lady WANTS to come with me to Singapore. She is VERY VERY clingy. (not involved and never would be). She is SOOOO full on. She ALWAYS wants to dance with me and is very pushy. I am flattered but am not travelling across an ocean to dance with my neighbour whom I do not really enjoy the dances with that much (although 'advanced', she is a rough follow who backleads and tries to rub up and down my body all the time. Not in a cool dancing way but in a 'get a room' way.)

Anyway, so what do you recommend? She is visiting her family in Singapore the same time as the congress. I am REALLY happy that she wants to go to the congress. IT SHALL BE GREAT!!! But I just do not want to hang out with her AT ALL! As in, we will be in a workshop and I KNOW she will come to partner me first. Or socially. I want to have to meet new people. THAT is part of the dancing experience too. Having to ask and explore a new environment just as you explore a new song or partner.


current thinking: * have the above talk to her before we go. Explain my side politely saying that I think it is WONDERFUL that she is going and that she will learn HEAPS but that I am a solo guy. Just my nature and want to really explore the place and the people.

Sound fair?


* she wants me to show her around too but I will say no on that one. Just HATE saying no to someone to dance. But MUST over there as so many great dancers to watch and dance with!!!

[sac76]

how old is she?;) i will be at SISF for sure....

[Big10]

Every time you talk about the upcoming Congress with her, talk about how GREAT it will be to dance with new people you've never danced with before, and how that's the aspect of the Congress you're anticipating the most. You should also go one step further and tell her you're "apologizing ahead of time" since you know you won't get to dance with her very much because you'll be dancing with other people and watching other people dance.

In other words, heavily prepare her now for the idea that she won't be dancing with you. The situation will also be easier for her to accept if you repeatedly phrase it a way that emphasizes the positives of meeting/dancing with other people, rather than making it negative and personal regarding her.

Just don't get upset when she takes your same advice and is dancing with other people while you can't find a partner for a song and need your "fix." ;)

[LovingIt28]

Every time you talk about the upcoming Congress with her, talk about how GREAT it will be to dance with new people you've never danced with before, and how that's the aspect of the Congress you're anticipating the most. You should also go one step further and tell her you're "apologizing ahead of time" since you know you won't get to dance with her very much because you'll be dancing with other people and watching other people dance.

In other words, heavily prepare her now for the idea that she won't be dancing with you. The situation will also be easier for her to accept if you repeatedly phrase it a way that emphasizes the positives of meeting/dancing with other people, rather than making it negative and personal regarding her.

Just don't get upset when she takes your same advice and is dancing with other people while you can't find a partner for a song and need your "fix." ;)


GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!

As I said, I LOVE just watching other dancers and their passion!!!

No problems there :)

[LovingIt28]

how old is she?;) i will be at SISF for sure....


AWESOME, will post before I go to make sure I meet everyone on here.

She is at least 80, maybe 90. Really bad hunchback too.



Jokes. Bad ones.


She is probably 30s/40s. Nice. Maybe just me with bad chemistry.

[SnowDancer]

LovingIt, I wonder if the problem you've described is fairly common. Your case doesn't sound too difficult to get around, since you're not involved with the lady other than as a friend.

But what if she were your girlfriend or spouse? Has anyone here had an SO who insisted on dancing with you exclusively, or was jealous of you dancing with others?
Just wondering...:?

[etp777]

Not me personally snowdancer, but I've definitely seen that with various couples at my studio and others in area. The topic has actually been up for discussion more than once at the studio. Not sure anyone ever came upw ith a good solution.

[quixotedlm]

Don't have a direct conversation about her clingyness. Big10's advice is a good one.


Please don't share a hotel room with her. Also, throw an occasional indirect vague reference to how much you are looking forward to having your own private hotel room because you are such a player and the girls in the Singapore congress are so hot ;)

[samina]

Explain my side politely saying that I think it is WONDERFUL that she is going and that she will learn HEAPS but that I am a solo guy. Just my nature and want to really explore the place and the people.

Sound fair?



exactly. "i like to do my own thing at these events & be free to come & go as i please, meet new people... or not, as i feel."

have fun over there! :D

[waltzgirl]

I think it's a great idea to talk about it in advance.

But if she's as clingy as you say, once you're there, her need to cling may override anything you've said.

So think up a few polite ways to turn her down on the spot. Like if she asks you to dance and you'd rather watch, saying something like "Not right now, thanks. I'm watching that couple over there. I really learn a lot from watching great dancers."

[FatBaldGuy60]

If she is as described in your first post, this could be bad.

I don't see her taking the "hints" Big10 suggested, at least not for long.

I don't see her being real happy if you are straight up with her.

I can see her being a pain in the rear in Singapore.

I hope I am wrong. Then again, I am often wrong, so you have at least a 50-50 chance.

FBG

[LovingIt28]

thanks everyone.

Will chat to her next time I see her. Explain my side, my goals and my concerns and ask her to do the same.

Should help immensely :) :) :)

* i hope :)

[naturallove]

thanks everyone.

Will chat to her next time I see her. Explain my side, my goals and my concerns and ask her to do the same.

Should help immensely :) :) :)

* i hope :)

As Big10 mentioned, this shouldn't just be a one time conversation. It should be an ongoing conversation before Singapore (and during, if the need should arise). Keep talking about how much you're looking forward to dancing with all kinds of new people so you can bring new moves home to try on the ladies where you live. Also, I'm kind of a dance stalker at these things (I'm always checking out victims--I mean lucky partners for my next dance)--and I keep it moving! At the Congress, you shouldn't be in the same spot long enough for her to cling to you. Lastly, do NOT, even if she asks, tell her what hotel room you're in while you're in Singapore. You're liable to end up with some seriously unwanted company.

[LovingIt28]

As Big10 mentioned, this shouldn't just be a one time conversation. It should be an ongoing conversation before Singapore (and during, if the need should arise). Keep talking about how much you're looking forward to dancing with all kinds of new people so you can bring new moves home to try on the ladies where you live. Also, I'm kind of a dance stalker at these things (I'm always checking out victims--I mean lucky partners for my next dance)--and I keep it moving! At the Congress, you shouldn't be in the same spot long enough for her to cling to you. Lastly, do NOT, even if she asks, tell her what hotel room you're in while you're in Singapore. You're liable to end up with some seriously unwanted company.


lol - MANY words of wisdom

thanks everyone!