Nod as an invitation to dance!?

[vey]

In the "Sex at the Milongas" topic Pygmalion cited an article (http://www.susanamiller.com.ar/editorialing.htm ) a part of which I found particularly facinating (being rather ignorant about tango as I am) and quote it below.

The Double Face of the Nod
By Susana Miller
Nodding is not a matter of discussion for milonga veterans. Its advantages cover both sides of the coin: the man does not have to run the risk of being rejected when he approaches a woman's table to dance; and the woman will not have to feel compelled to dance if she doesn't want to, or if she is interested in someone else's invitation. This is a democratic mechanism. If he doesn't look at her, she won't dance. If she doesn't return his look, he won't dance either. The nod, like the dance, requires two people.
The nod appears spontaneously at the milonga. It is a code that makes communication easier, given that the milongas are very crowded and there is not enough room for people to be walking constantly across the floor in every direction extending invitations to dance.
Besides, nodding is customary. Customs impart color to a community, and man finds his place in the world through such customs.
A milonguero nods calmly, trying his luck with his gaze at the other tables. But for newcomers to the milonga or foreigners, the nodding code doesn't mean much. One cannot expect visitors to practice local customs as if they had been dancing in the milonga for years! Instead, newcomers often start dancing by making friends and acquaintances at the milonga, which in no way affects those who traditionally practice the nodding code. As soon as newcomers feel more self-confident, they will start using it. Those who nod to dance are aware that it only means the desire to dance. The nod only applies to a 10-minute dancing period (a set of dances). Emotionally, it is very difficult to spot someone looking at you and then hold their gaze; people learn to dance much faster than they learn to connect with a look.
There is no social, cultural or economic discrimination at the milonga, but the privileged do exist: those who really dance. They reign on the dance floor. They can easily fish for a partner at any table, and there's no doubt they will succeed.
The rest of the people may ask their partners the way they wish or the way they can. But if the milongueros don't find the right partner nearby, they can always walk around the floor almost distractedly and nod at a distance. They know that nodding is their tool. Nothing impedes a milonguero from breaking his anonymity with a look.
With the charm of an old sepia photograph of a Porteño, that look conveys his respect for the woman, his sauciness and his typical approach to a partner.

I was wondering what do you guys think about this form of dance invitation.
Does anybody have experience with it?

Do you think it would work in salsa?:?: :?: :?:

[pygmalion]

All the time. At ballroom dances, at practice parties, even at salsa clubs. I've had guys ask me to dance (via nod) in the middle of a dance with a previous partner. The nod works pretty well. I think that rejection still looks and feels like rejection, though. Hmm.

[Sagitta]

Not sure about this idea of communicating by nodding while dancing with someone else. Every time I dance with a person I give them, the dance, the music...my full attention!!

I don't really do it the way described, but I will catch a person's eye and point to the dance floor with my head and a questioning look, at times. :)

[vey]

Not sure about this idea of communicating by nodding while dancing with someone else.
It wouldn't work for me either: I'm usually oblivious to what's going on around when I'm dancing....

I don't really do it the way described, but I will catch a person's eye and point to the dance floor with my head and a questioning look, at times. :)
I think it qualifies as a nod (well, may be a side-way nod :lol: :lol: )

A note to self: make more eye contact even when not dancing!

[danceguy]

Hmm, interesting. I thought I remember reading an article once where it implied that nodding as an invitation was considered rude by some (at least here in the states).

I think it all depends on the approach. When I'm looking for a dance partner, I make eye contact with the lady if I can, and if I see her smile at me then I usually know she'll accept. Regardless if she sees me or not, I approach the table she's at and very poliety ask her to dance. My tone is such that she is perfectly willing to say no, so its a not "hey baby come and dance with me!" type of thing, usually "would you like to dance?" said with a charming smile.

Although my experience with all this is pretty limited, I yet to be declined for a dance...though *knock on wood* as I ask more ladies I know I'll be getting experience at rejection as well... :?

I've seen some guys do the nod...and a lot of times they aren't very polite about it and I've seen more turned down more when they do this! But I've found that most ladies who are near the dance floor will accept a dance from just about anyone if the guys are polite and respectful when asking.

I also actively seek women I've never danced with or even seen before. Sagitta has really inspired me get over my shyness, so I say get out there and ask em' all! :P

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

Hi Vey

I very rarely use the nod technique to ask for a dance. I don’t really consider it polite (at least if done in certain ways).

I would never do this with a lady whom I’ve never danced with. The few times I’ve done it was with girls I know quite well and consider my friends.

I agree with Pygmalion, rejection still feels like rejection especially if you’re certain she saw you doing it. Nevertheless there is an advantage; a rejection from a nod is very discrete. Most people around you don’t see you getting rejected which is better for your ego. Let’s face it; no-one likes being “publicly” rejected (guy or girl).

I’ve noticed that girls use this technique more frequently than men. There are certain girls I know that give me this nod as soon as I’m coming off the dance floor. I then approach her and lead her to the dance floor. Hmmm…This way it looks like it was me that requested the dance.

Regards,

[MacMoto]

Not sure about this idea of communicating by nodding while dancing with someone else.
I don't think I would be happy if someone I was dancing with was busy trying to catch someone else's eye rather than mine! I focus on my leader when I dance and expect the same in return.

I don't really do it the way described, but I will catch a person's eye and point to the dance floor with my head and a questioning look, at times. :)
This "sideway nod" invitation is used regularly where I go, and by both sexes. I do it/get it myself, but only when I have danced with the person at least a couple of times before and we are comfortable with each other. I don't think I would be able or inclined to respond if a stranger (or someone I have seen but not danced with before) did this with me. I agree with MapleLeaf Salsero; without a degree of familiarity, it would feel odd or even rude. With someone new, I think you've got to ask properly.

I aim to dance with as many leaders as I can, so I have been doing quite a lot of this (asking strangers to dance -- properly, i.e., "would you like to dance?" with a smile) lately. I used to think that, as a woman, I should just stand by the dancefloor and patiently wait for a man to ask me, but not anymore! I can handle rejection :wink: (though thankfully it's been rare).

[salsachinita]

Like a lot of other olde worlde code of conducts, I like the subtlties in nod/eye contact. It happens a lot more in the past & amongst Latinos. These days with the studio-trained, non-latino crowd you are more likely to get a polite "would you like to dance?"

This nod system works well, because eventhough a rejection still feels like a rejection (to the person who asked), no one else needs to know. I find it easier for me, both as the asker & askee (is there such word :shock: ?). If you felt someone approaching, and for one reason or another, you don't want to accept that dance, it's easy enough to avioid eye contact; the person usually gets the hint & asks someone else (no time waisted here). IF I wanted to ask someone for a dance, and they look awy, that would be all the clues I need so I can move on as well. Very cool 8) .

One of my favourite dance partners (THAT cool 'gangsta' one with huge ego) and I do it to each other all the time. Sometimes we add threatrical elements to the whole ritual too :P . You'd have to be there.

[vey]

Good point, guys, it has to be a very particular kind of nod in order not to look rude. But I think I'd definitely accept a discreet nod from a complete stranger. I guess, as Salsachinita, "I like the subtlties in nod/eye contact" , there is something special in establishing a connection before even starting to dance...

On the other hand, lacking experience, I'm not sure whether I'd be able to initiate a nod invitation with a stranger myself - verbal invitation puts the "askee" (Salsachinita, thanks for the word :) ) "on the spot" and I havn't yet been refused (though it could be that I'm asking nice guys). With nodding I can imagine myself wondering silly "did he nod or just glanced at his shoes?" :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

One of my favourite dance partners (THAT cool 'gangsta' one with huge ego) and I do it to each other all the time. Sometimes we add threatrical elements to the whole ritual too :P . You'd have to be there. Now, I would love to see THAT :!: :lol: :lol:

[Vin]

I use the nod sparingly, only when the following conditions are all met.
1) I have had previous experience dancing with that person.
2) She is not currently dancing
3) It is impractical to go to where she is sitting to ask her to dance.
It can be empowering though, you look at a girl and give her a little cocky smile and a nod and then she smiles back, gets up and you go get your groove on.

[Sarah]

One of my favourite dance partners (THAT cool 'gangsta' one with huge ego) and I do it to each other all the time. Sometimes we add threatrical elements to the whole ritual too :P . You'd have to be there.

I think I know what you mean - sort of starting the flirtyness of the dance before you even get to the floor. Fun with someone you know well.

Cheers
Sarah

[passion]

I've responded to nods. More often than not, a "nod-invitation" has come mostly from friends. I've never had a one come from a stranger.

After I resonded to nod once, a couple friends who just started with "studio-trained" salsa, were very upset with me. Saying, you should never go to a nod, they must come to you. I basically thought, what's the big deal, it's all a form of asking. And, if I look at it as "I must be asked" then I feel that I would be placing myself up on some kind of pedastal where I should not and do not like to be.

[Sagitta]

And sometimes, as has been said, the nod can be the start of the invitation. It's part of the catch the other person's attention to see if they want to dance routine. :) I seem to do the nod invitation more to people whom I've danced with at least once then complete strangers.

[Miguel]

Depends on how many beers I've had. 2 beers and I nod, 4 beers and I ask, 6 beers and I try, 6 beers and 1 shot and I do whatever it takes to dance but I be damned if I won't dance :lol: !

Seriously though I just go with the flow I don't make many plans because things never workout the way you plan them when you dwell so much on them. The answer is simply: JUST DO WHAT YOU FEEL AT THE MOMENT... :wink:

[Pacion]

So guys, ladies, how do you ask someone to dance? :roll: (other than throwing the object of your attention over your shoulder :lol: ) :lol:

[salsalawyer]

I don`t really use the nod.


Usually, I extend the hand and smile. I guess its a version of the same thing. I try not to do an across the room invitation unless I have eye contact from the person and the person is a friend. 8)

[salsachinita]

Interesting how this thread gets brought back.....I was thinking about a few changes since I last wrote about it.

As I'm getting more confident (hopfully with quality dancing to match :oops: ) I've started doing the 'across the room invitations' more & more lately. All of these people are my friends so it's not an issue with anyone.

Another reason for doing so is really out of neccessity. Some clubs are sooooo crowded, you'd lose your space if you move :shock: .........

[Lita_rulez]

Nod ???

Seems like an awfully uptight and selfconcious way not to look bad should you be "rejected"

Nod while dancing ?
Sure ! Why not wear a nice sign on your back reading "I am bored with my curent dancer who I have said yes to by mistake in the 3 secondes it took my brain to get back to business after the drink I had... Who would be kind enough to come and rescue me as soon as this ordeal is over ?"


OK, I'm going strong on this one.

Of course, I am not allways focused 110% on my partner. Of course it happens to me to even speak with someone on the side while dancing...

But it is usually in the begining of the evening, people are coming in, going around the club and saying hello, well I'm not gona stop and shake their hands (though it provides some nice paterns sometimes), or people are leaving and saying goodbye well I'm gona answer... but hell if it is a way for me to be looking for someone else than my dancer.

And as much as I do not like beeing said "no" to, I believe that there is no shame in seeing a woman refuse to dance with you.

And if some people would stop calling a simple refusal "a rejection" than maybe they could start enjoying themselves instead of finding ways to invent codes not to look bad...


P.S.
Not everyone in the joint is looking at you when you invite someone :
believe it or not, a lot of people are looking at the people dancing in front of them, not the ones sitting behind them...
I know this might come as a shock, but the vast majority of the people around you not only came to dance, but they actually ARE dancing, and could not care less about what you are doing...

P.P.S.
guess what : once every one around you knows that a nod means an invitation to dance, and they see you nod and stay put, this might also seem unbelieavable at first, but they will actually know you have been "rejected"
(gee, they are good, how did they crack the code !!!)


Oh well...

[tj]

So guys, ladies, how do you ask someone to dance? :roll: (other than throwing the object of your attention over your shoulder :lol: ) :lol:

Lol! So... if someone tosses you over their shoulder, Pacion, you'll know why! :shock:

(Usually I'll just go up and ask.)

[borikensalsero]

I don`t really use the nod.

That's because mighty-mouse is a total gentle-man! wait, what happend to mighty-mouse in your avatar? He is looking kind of skinny, with long ears? Is it age? see! that's what happens with age, even mighty-mouse gets run down. :tongue:

[tj]

I don`t really use the nod.

That's because mighty-mouse is a total gentle-man! wait, what happend to mighty-mouse in your avatar? He is looking kind of skinny, with long ears? Is it age? see! that's what happens with age, even mighty-mouse gets run down. :tongue:

(Psst... that's Underdog, actually!)

[peachexploration]

How funny is that! I thought is was Mighty Mouse too! hahahahhah! Thanks TJ. :wink: My old eyes are deceiving me. 8) :lol:

[tj]

How funny is that! I thought is was Mighty Mouse too! hahahahhah! Thanks TJ. :wink: My old eyes are deceiving me. 8) :lol:

Lol!

The "U" on the chest should be the giveaway...

[borikensalsero]

How funny is that! I thought is was Mighty Mouse too! hahahahhah! Thanks TJ. :wink: My old eyes are deceiving me. 8) :lol:

lololol... who the heck is underdog?

Peach, I'm honored! I didn't even notice your signature, I'm reading it, saying, wow that is sweet! Way to go peach!!, then ... darn it that sounds very familiar, when I got to the end... lol... I don't even remeber what I say! I'm honored!!!! :notworth: Thank you so very much!!! you've left me speechless!

[peachexploration]

......Thank you so very much!!! you've left me speechless!

No, it is YOU who I thank my friend. It is YOU who leaves US speechless. You are truly an inspiration to others! :)

[peachexploration]

How funny is that! I thought is was Mighty Mouse too! hahahahhah! Thanks TJ. :wink: My old eyes are deceiving me. 8) :lol:

Lol!

The "U" on the chest should be the giveaway...

LOL. I didn't actually see the U until I put on my computer geek glasses. I know, I'm just as blind as a bat. 8) :lol:

[borikensalsero]

......Thank you so very much!!! you've left me speechless!

No, it is YOU who I thank my friend. It is YOU who leaves US speechless. You are truly an inspiration to others! :)

:oops: :oops: :oops: :banana: :oops: :oops: :oops:

[Genesius Redux]

What I do is walk onto the middle of the floor, whistle to get everyone's attention, and then snap my fingers. In an instant, I'm surrounded by four or five beautiful women. Some take my arms, some take my legs.

They then carry me to the door and throw me out.

(Did I mention we have girl bouncers?)

:wink: :lol:

[Purr]

What I do is walk onto the middle of the floor, whistle to get everyone's attention, and then snap my fingers. In an instant, I'm surrounded by four or five beautiful women. Some take my arms, some take my legs.

They then carry me to the door and throw me out.

(Did I mention we have girl bouncers?)

:wink: :lol:

That's just too funny! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[pygmalion]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[tj]

(Did I mention we have girl bouncers?)


As opposed to bouncing girls?

:twisted:

[Vince A]

Other than using the walk-up-to-them-and-ask-if-they-want-to-dance method . . . nods have always worked for me . . . I use them anytime they are needed . . .

You've walked off the floor, head for the water jugs, and while sipping your water, you catch a pair of eyes looking at you . . . you tilt your head and nod toward the dance floor . . . I have never been turned down with this approach. You are both there to dance, neither of you are dancing at the moment, so what is wrong with the nod? NOTHING!

Now if that other person is five away from you and they nod at me toward the dance floor, I'll set my glass down and go over to them and ask if tyey would like to dance . . . chivalry is not dead! Besides, I want to make sure that they were nodding at me and not the guy standing right behind!

However, I need to learn GR's way . . . NOW! GR???????????????

[etchuck]

Hmm... I usually use eye contact and then extend my hand out; if she takes it, it's a dance. Call it ballroom habit. The nod thing... maybe I use that too, I cannot say I consciously know. I don't usually try to verbalize a request because sometimes the music is blaring and it's hard for me to hear anyone talking to me, especially if I become enrapted in the music.

[pelao]

I dont think I would like that nod thing. I've never even seen it used. Where I come from men go to women, and are direct about their intentions. Most latinos are very direct/outspoken and don't beat around the bush - I just don't see this workin in some capacities. This just seems kinda spineless to me. Going up to a woman and inviting her to dance shows you have respect.

Still though, it takes off a lot of pressure - but then, wheres that old feeling of conquest. I mean, man, back in my grandparents days, men had enough guts to serenade a woman at her house with boleros and a whole conjunto backin them right in the front patio. So imagine, if you can't at least ask a woman to dance.....

.....I don't know guys, sorry - I just dont know about that - I'm not sold.

[Sagitta]

I do a wide variety of things. Depends on my mood and the song and whom it is too. I've gone down on one knee, bowed, done the nod to catch a person's attention and then gone over and asked...To ask people the same way each and every time!!! Boooring! :)

[Sabor]

i just flap my ears and keep an eye out for the wiggle :mrgreen:

[jenn]

im not sure that ive actually used the nod as a request for dancing, but i have several friends who do this quite often. and because i know them well, it seems ok to be asked this way. however, if someone ive never met or danced with asks me for a dance, i would prefer them to extend their hand to me with a smile.

but at times, it is too crowded in a place to get to someone on time (right after a song and right before the next) to get a dance with them, so eye contact from a noticeable distance with a nod is cool too. 8)

generally, i try to make firm eye contact with a friend if i want that next dance. i look at them until they sense my gaze, in which then they will ask me to dance with a (side) nod. :lol: :wink:

i personally dont mind this tactic, because as someone said earlier, i can shake my head (and make an exhausted expression) and they will move on.

[DancePoet]

Boriken: I believe Under Dog was a Warner Brothers cartoon from the late 1960s early 1970s.

I don't mind asking, nodding, smiling with a hand, and I like Sagitta's idea of getting down on one knee, but I'd like only try that with some one I knew well. It all depends on the situation and who I'm asking. If I don't know them, I always ask verbally.

[borikensalsero]

Boriken: I believe Under Dog was a Warner Brothers cartoon from the late 1960s early 1970s.

OMG :shock: :shock: , where have I been the past 30 years!!

[Intrigued Salsera]

Hello, fellow dancers.

Re: method used to ask someone to dance, given that clubs aren't conducive to conversation, I usually make eye contact, smile, and extend my hand when I want to ask someone for a dance. If I know someone well (i.e., my dance partner) the sideways nod usually works. Although now that I'm thinking of it, he doesn't employ the sideways nod with me. He always extends his hand. Hmmmm...

Happy asking!

IS

[Sagitta]

Thanks IS!! Most of my asking results in happy results! :D And welcome to df!

[Intrigued Salsera]

Thanks for the warm welcome, Sagitta! I am looking forward to a long and enjoyable stay here :D

Vamos a bailar!

IS

[tj]

Thanks for the warm welcome, Sagitta! I am looking forward to a long and enjoyable stay here :D

Vamos a bailar!

IS

Like Sagitta said, "Welcome to DF."

How odd - you're like the 3rd or 4th salser@ from the Philly area to recently join. Word must be getting out in the scene or something?

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

generally, i try to make firm eye contact with a friend if i want that next dance. i look at them until they sense my gaze, in which then they will ask me to dance with a (side) nod. :lol: :wink:


Yeah girls do that a lot. I don´t really like it though. I prefer when they come up to you, smile and give you their hand. This method is much nicer when you´re on the receiving end.

I also admire girls that just ask you for a dance. It take more guts but it also shows more character.

And then there´s technique nº. 4 where they cross the dance floor and stand right beside without saying a word. Subtle...

And technique nº. 5 where they walk up to you at the beginning of the song and start having the most boring converation on earth...

[Intrigued Salsera]

tj - hi! The link to this df was posted on a local mb, hence the interest from us Philly salseras/salseros. "If you build it (and advertise it), they will come." In dribs and drabs, for now. But in droves very soon...quizas :D

IS

[peachexploration]

Hi IS! Welcome. :)

[Intrigued Salsera]

peachexploration -- Thanks, Sweetie! Everybody is so friendly in this df, I think imma plant my salsa-dancing bootie in here and stay a while... :wink:

IS

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

Stay as long as you want IS. Wellcome!!!

[Intrigued Salsera]

MapleLeaf Salsero -- thank you, kind sir!

For the past hour or so (it's Friday, so y'all must forgive my little brain for moving at a snail's pace), I have been thinking about why my dance partner doesn't do the sideways nod thing to ask me to dance (it's always with the outstretched hand with him.) I have had a revelation, folks! He is ballroom-trained, hence his reticence towards the more informal sideways nod method. I had an "A-HA!" moment. Thank you all for letting me share this moment with you :D

IS

[borikensalsero]

Una Salsera completamente intrigada por las emociones con origenes en el alma y destinacion en un cuerpo que se rejuvenece todos los dias un poco mas, con cada tum tum.

Welcome Intrigued Salsera!!!!!!

[Intrigued Salsera]

Besos y abrazos para ti, borinkensalsero.

A'ight I'm outta here. I'm gonna head home, take a nap, shower, get dressed and head on out to one of the hottest salsa venues in Philly (Samba Nightclub). And when I get there, I will hold out my hand in the hopes of sharing a perfect dance with someone tonight :wink: Wish me luck and I'll see y'all on this df soon.

Ciao!
IS

[dancin/dj]

tj - hi! The link to this df was posted on a local mb, hence the interest from us Philly salseras/salseros. "If you build it (and advertise it), they will come." In dribs and drabs, for now. But in droves very soon...quizas :D

IS pero no drama,theres nice interaction aqui IS,philly boards in the past have been cruel and biased(not all the posters in philly) so welcome IS and enjoy, and now back too the topic at hand :D -nods are cool by me i like unspoken lingo etc etc..

[Sabor]

i just hold a big sign over my head that reads "If u ask me.. i'll say yes!"

[Pacion]

i just hold a big sign over my head that reads "If u ask me.. i'll say yes!"

:roll: do you ever get asked to dance then? :roll: I mean, with your 'big ol' height', those long arms and then holding the sign over your head, I would imagine the sign is up in the clouds somewhere :roll: it is any wonder any females can see, let alone READ the sign, unless she is an amazon :tongue: :D :lol: