Why don't you ask him/her to dance?

[salsachinita]

Something MapleLeafSalsero said in "Hierarchy among dancers" thread inspired me to ask everyone here this question:

Why don't you ask him/her to dance?

I know it's a very general question to ask, but I am really interested to find out some of the reasons. Perhaps there would be something for all of us to learn.

Ok, I am talking about a normal club/social setting here, so no-one is obliged to ask anyone for a dance :wink: .

[Xtreme Salsa]

Maybe because I suck? Honestly I'm a beginner and I dont feel comfortable yet to ask some people to dance at some salsa clubs. It just feels weird when your partner knows alot ore than you do and you slow them down because you dont know as much. But as time progresses I gain more and more confidence.

[borikensalsero]

The places I frequent are geared towards the advance on2 NY City crowd, hence infering that we are all around the same level, the reasons why I wouldn't ask someone to dance are.

1- The person obviously doesn't enjoy the music.
2- The person thinks spinning is danicng.
3- She thinks she is too good looking.
4- Stuck up dancers.
5- The person always looks around when dancing, no matter who they dance with. 5 unexpected spins off beat gets their attention very quickly. :twisted:
6- She is wearing one, or all of the following, short skirt, a tube top, no dance shoes.
7- I just don't like the persons style.
8- She is a self lead
9- Can't adapt to the musics tempo from song to song and looks like she is dancing the same song even to a cha cha.
10- And the number 10 reason why I wouldn't ask someone to dance is: Bad Hygiene

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

Hi Salsachinita,

I’ve noticed you created a thread on this so I’ll reply to your question here instead of on the "Hierarchy among dancers" one.

I have a black list and a grey list.

Grey List (high risk situations)
• Girls who have said “no” to me before in the past
• Girls who look like their bored out of their minds when they dance with me
• Clique-ish

I’m willing to dance with any of these girls. I do however think twice before asking them because it’s a high risk situation. By high risk I essentially mean 2 things:

a) You may have a bad dance experience with them
b) You may get turned down

I’m slowing trying to transfer these girls to my white list, one by one...

Black List (never again)
• Girls who have mortally wounded my dance ego.
• Girls who have refused a dance with me because they were “tired” and during the same song danced with someone else.

The first situation only occurred once (when I was a beginner). I only had a couple months of salsa and asked this advanced girl to dance with me. I was very happy and motivated after the dance because I thought it had gone well (I was used to dancing with beginners…). At the end of the song, she moaned “There is no hope for you, I suggest another hobby”. The b*#%tch! I have never asked her again! She is at the top of my black list and will forever remain there. About a year and a half later, I noticed that at the socials she’d look my way, as I was getting off the dance floor, with those “I want to dance with you eyes, you’re getting good…”. I pretended she didn’t exist. She eventually quit salsa classes and stopped going to the clubs. Good!

The second situation rarely happens to me now. It happened once in a while when I was a beginner. I think it is very rude and humiliating for the guy (or girl) and it shows no character. I mean, if they don’t want to dance with you, that’s fine, everyone has the right to say no. But, they should be considerate enough to sit out that song! Once a girl did this to me and later on that night came up and apologized and asked for a dance. I think this shows a great deal of character. I immediately put her on my white list again.

Regards,

[Phil Owl]

Reasons I wouldn't ask (most would be from previous experience with person):

1) Person has a tendency to be wreckless and out of control and flailing everywhere (actually had a dance with one woman that felt more like bronco-busting than dancing, YIKES :shock: ). Another incident involved a woan who was not only flailing but also dug her nails into my hand like a bird-of-prey! THAT HURT! :x :roll: :evil:

2) Snooty attitude and you can see it in their eyes and face. Disinterested attitude while dancing with you. Cliqueishness.

3) BAD HYGENE!! :evil: :x :roll:

4) Feels they have to critique and question your every lead, move etc. :evil: :x

5) Weird, psychotic look in person's eyes (and you think I'm kidding about this one?)

6) Obviously intoxicated

[Sagitta]

Ditto Phil Owl!! I completely agree with you. How can a person be close to someone if they have "stinky mouth"? Every second you are assailed by the smell. One solution I have sometimes is I'll try to eliminate that problem by going up and chatting with them, pulling out a extra-strength breath mint/gum for myself and offering it to the follow. If that takes care of it I'll dance with her, but if she refuses or it is not successful she's out of luck.

[Xtreme Salsa]

oh man I've danced with a girl that had the psychotic look, *** is up with that?

[Phil Owl]

oh man I've danced with a girl that had the psychotic look, *** is up with that?

Had acouple of those myself, couldn't wai until the song eneded and got the h--- to another part of the room pronto!

[KevinL]

I don't generally ask guys to dance because (even in Vermont) onlookers look at us funny. It easier among the swing dancers, and the fact that I'm a teacher makes it more acceptable even among the ballroom dancers, but if I don't know the guy I won't ask them to dance. I need to practice following so that I can better understand what to tell the followers in class, I just don't do it that often.

I don't ask people (men or women) who sit down with their arms crossed and glower at the dance floor. I feel a little bad that they appear not to be having a good time, but I'm not going to subject myself to that kind of torture!

I tend not to ask women who look old (65+) unless I see them dance and know that they are still physically fit. If they still move as if they are young I'm up for it, but if I can't tell, or if they are stiff and obviously have bad balance, I'm much less likely to ask them to dance. I'll dance with them if they ask me, but I tend not to be the one to do the asking.

I won't ask the one woman locally who refuses to make eye contact with me and turns her back to me whenever she sees me. I think that her behaviour has something to do with her being the teaching partner of another local teacher who doesn't like me very much.

I tend not to ask the really good local salsa dancers to salsa because I'm such a newbie, and I'm not very good at salsa. However, several of them are friendly with me, and like dancing with me, we just don't really do what I consider to be salsa because I suck. I will ask them to dance to songs that I can dance to, but just not very much salsa.

Kevin

[youngsta]

My list is very, very short:

Backleaders (nuff said!)

She's wearing footwear that is obviously not safe to dance in (backless heels!)

Overstylists (did a thread on this one. If you have to do ladies styling to EVERY move we do...no more! :lol: )

[Sagitta]

To continue on what KevinL said I don't ask guys to lead as it won't go over that well, especially for salsa!! :shock: In club ballroom, however, once I get good enough to switch roles I could easily do so.

[brujo]

I don't ask people (men or women) who sit down with their arms crossed and glower at the dance floor. I feel a little bad that they appear not to be having a good time, but I'm not going to subject myself to that kind of torture!


Torture, interesting choice of words. I had an older lady in one of my classes say that she gets frustrated when she goes to clubs because only the half naked young women get asked to dance, and she gets to sit there, too shy to ask anyone to dance. This is exactly the elitist attitude that turns people off salsa and encourages cliques and factions within the salsa world. After all, why ask a stranger to dance when your friends will never reject you.

My favorite club has a nice mix of regulars and fresh faces. There are absolutely no cliques there, because when they come in, we will immediately break them up and infiltrate their ranks and have a jolly good time. It is so much more welcoming than to have people sit around, sulking and waiting to be asked to dance.

[redhead]

Bad hygiene should be #1! :uplaugh:

[Sagitta]

My favorite club has a nice mix of regulars and fresh faces. There are absolutely no cliques there, because when they come in, we will immediately break them up and infiltrate their ranks and have a jolly good time. It is so much more welcoming than to have people sit around, sulking and waiting to be asked to dance.

Another one to join the clique buster gang!! Right on!! :D

[SDsalsaguy]

I think KevinL actually brings up a good distinction—those I don’t ask to dance and those I won’t dance with…two different groups. Actually, to fine-tune this even more, I feel like there’s also a difference between those I have never danced with and don’t ask vs. those I have danced with and won’t ask.

In addition to many of the items already listed, here are some of my others…

Have never danced with her – Won’t ask her to dance:

#1. No timing, i.e. can’t stay on beat, even for basics

#2. Doesn’t seem to follow, i.e. watch her guessing which direction to go without waiting to see what her partner intends

#3. Totally inappropriate footwear, i.e. clogs, 4” cork platforms, etc.

#4. Lack of floor sense and/or control, i.e. see her slinging her arms around, opening up to full arm extension without looking behind her, spinning herself into others, etc.

#5. Auto-dipper, i.e. see her throwing herself into dips (whether led or not!)

#6. Oblivious to her partner, i.e. doesn’t look at him, is only concerned with her own styling, etc.

#7. OK, this is going to sound harsh, but…lower ability level than other available partners. Again, this is I won’t ask, it does not(!) mean that I’ll refuse to dance with her, only that I’m out to have fun too so, if there’s a better partner available, that’s who I’ll ask.

. . . #4 & #5, if really blatant, actually fall into the camp of those I won’t dance with period. If she’s a danger to me and to others on the floor, I am unwilling to take on that responsibility and risk. Just as a caveat, however, #4 is not about beginners who don’t have full control yet…that is only to be expected (besides which, when do any of us ever have full control? I certainly don’t!), I’m talking about the truly careless.

As far as the have danced with won’t ask, anyone who I don’t enjoy dancing with…it’s that simple. I’ll still accept dances from most of these people though, the #4s and #5s again being the exceptions. Other then those, the only absolute “won’ts” are those who’ve (A) injured me, or (B) disrespected me.

[Jmatthew]

I assume that girls that are sitting down at a table don't want to dance unless I know otherwise. I figure everyone needs a break, and someone sitting at a table is probably on one, and I don't want to disturb it. Of course, for those girls that go sit down and then never move... well, sucks to be them I guess.

The number one reason I won't ask someone to dance is because they scare me. Not like, because they're scary bad, but because they're scary good. I'm cool with dancing with the total beginner under most situations (I get a little pickier if the dance floor is really crowded) and usually just for one dance. But I like to dance with everyone I can, partly because one day not so long ago I was a sucky n00b, and if strangers hadn't danced with me then I wouldn't be the semi-quasi-good dancer I am now. :)

A girl won't get a SECOND dance though if...

...she's rude.
...she critiques my style or moves, or tries to "teach" me something in the middle of a dance.
...starts counting for me. (happens with new people in swing a lot who haven't figured out that sometimes it's okay to break the 6/8 count patterns)
...doesn't say thank you at the end of the dance.

I THINK that's about it. Sometimes in Salsa girls get a little closer than I'm comfortable with, but I think that's a me thing and I need to get over it more than they need to change, so I try to deal. :)

[KevinL]

I don't ask people (men or women) who sit down with their arms crossed and glower at the dance floor. I feel a little bad that they appear not to be having a good time, but I'm not going to subject myself to that kind of torture!


Torture, interesting choice of words. I had an older lady in one of my classes say that she gets frustrated when she goes to clubs because only the half naked young women get asked to dance, and she gets to sit there, too shy to ask anyone to dance. This is exactly the elitist attitude that turns people off salsa and encourages cliques and factions within the salsa world.

I don't dance salsa well, or often, so I was actually writing about a ballroom experience. I dance with almost everyone, and do my best to break up cliques when I see them.

Anyway, the time I was writing about was one evening when an older woman, maybe in her mid 50's (well within my usual dancing age range) sat at a table near the dance floor. Every single time I looked at her she had her arms crossed, and seemed to be glowering at the dance floor. That kind of body language just invites people to ignore you. Sitting with your arms crossed, tightly hugging your body, with a sour look is just not inviting. If a person doesn't look like they are open to dancing, why would I ask them to dance?

Kevin

[Sagitta]

Sometimes in Salsa girls get a little closer than I'm comfortable with, but I think that's a me thing and I need to get over it more than they need to change, so I try to deal. :)

How close one gets is determined by both partners. If you are uncomfortable then move further away. I used to do that when I first started dancing as I wasn't that great and my incompetence clearly showed, while having a more open closed position did not make it as obvious. :)

Last Tuesday night I danced with someone to a song where everyone else was grinding away. The follower quite clearly wasn't up to even a close position. (I'm not a grinding kind of person, so that really wasn't on the plate!!) So we danced in open position.

[nobodaddy]

Salsa Dancing is SOCIAL, and it brings out both the best and worst in us. I can only speak for myself, but I should add that all the responses on this topic have been great. I'm a Geek, and left to my own devices, would sit for hours with my favorite Linux box! :D About a year ago, I determined to get out more, and spotted Salsa flyers advertising lessons. So I started to go. Just doing the basic was torture--ask a lady to dance, make eye contact, smile? :D Eventually I got good enough to venture out to the clubs---totally different atmosphere. You would see guys like Alex DeSilva dance and you just wanted to hide, forget about asking a woman to dance. Eventually I got over this, but the way I did was to go out to the clubs in a group of like minded and similar skill level folks. You're comfortable and able to just dance and have fun. Now I dance with people I know in this group and others who I don't. But I think some of the reluctance to ask better followers to dance is twofold: general insecurity and the still mistaken notion that you must do 1000 crazy patterns with her to make her have a good time. It's a hard notion to break. I know women of all levels just want to have fun, to connect and dance their hearts out. Sometimes I feel this too and can just ask them to dance, go out on the dancefloor and just feel it. Other times I just stare at them and think "I'm not good enough to lead them and create a wonderful dance." I'll give you one crazy case in point, several months ago at a club on a Monday a follower I didn't know asked me to dance, on the first CBL she just whipped accros--zing, I felt "YES" and the rest of the song was just incredible, I felt the music and her, and she smiled at me throughout(CONNECTION!); after the song I just looked at her and asked without hesitation "Another?" and she said "YES," and it was magic all ove again. Later I found out from a friend she's a well know local sem-pro dancer! Here's the point--if I had know how good she was I probobly would have begged off, and I've seen her at clubs since but have never asked her to dance again. Who knows why we ask/don't ask, but a lot of it had to do with crazy notions of our own selfworth etc. Lately, I find myself asking more women I don't know and just igoring all the social butterflies etc and having fun! Isn't THAT what it's all about--connecting and having fun on the dancefloor, so when you arrive home you have a smile on your face and a spring in your step!

[salsachinita]

Here's the point--if I had know how good she was I probobly would have begged off, and I've seen her at clubs since but have never asked her to dance again. Who knows why we ask/don't ask, but a lot of it had to do with crazy notions of our own selfworth etc.

NOW we are getting somewhere.......this is exactly why I've posted this topic :D !

Sometimes I'm so frustrated with these crazy notions that people have. How do I know they wanna dance with me, if they never ask me? And how do they know that I'm gonna turn them down....? I do my share of asking and get turn down just as much.....you just shrug & move on! (Not so easy for us girls, as there is always a shortage of good salseros. The ratio is maybe 6 guys to 30 girls :x !)

Lately, I find myself asking more women I don't know and just igoring all the social butterflies etc and having fun! Isn't THAT what it's all about--connecting and having fun on the dancefloor, so when you arrive home you have a smile on your face and a spring in your step!

Good on you, Nobodaddy! We need more positive attitudes like this in the salsa world.

[youngsta]

(Not so easy for us girls, as there is always a shortage of good salseros. The ratio is maybe 6 guys to 30 girls :x !)

I'm moving there with the quickness! :lol:

[salsachinita]

(Not so easy for us girls, as there is always a shortage of good salseros. The ratio is maybe 6 guys to 30 girls :x !)

I'm moving there with the quickness! :lol:

Please do! We need more salseros....! While we are on the topic, anyone else interested :wink: ?

[dancin_feet]

I only go to studio parties at the moment, and they have a rule that if you are asked, you can't say no (convenient eh?). But if I could I would say no to one really intense guy who seems to get the wrong impression every time I see him. After a social function once he quite gentlemanly walked me back to my car and I returned the favour by giving him a lift to his. He seem to have misunderstood this and now wants to ask 20 questions every time I see him. Gives me the creeps. A good old conversation is most welcome, but this just feels like prying.

If I see him heading my way now I grab my water cup and head over to the fountain on the pretense that I need a drink!

[SDsalsaguy]

The ratio is maybe 6 guys to 30 girls :x !)
Really???

Now I really have to (A) win the lottery, or (B) [shhh, don't tell anyone] rob a bank, in order to finance a drip down under! 8)

[brujo]

The ratio is maybe 6 guys to 30 girls :x !)
Really???

Now I really have to (A) win the lottery, or (B) [shhh, don't tell anyone] rob a bank, in order to finance a drip down under! 8)

Or you could apply for 37 credit cards, max them out and skip the country... :twisted:

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

(Not so easy for us girls, as there is always a shortage of good salseros. The ratio is maybe 6 guys to 30 girls :x !)

I'm moving there with the quickness! :lol:

Please do! We need more salseros....! While we are on the topic, anyone else interested :wink: ?

I wanna go too! :wink:

Here, it´s usually quite balanced - half guys half girls. :cry:

[borikensalsero]

(Not so easy for us girls, as there is always a shortage of good salseros. The ratio is maybe 6 guys to 30 girls :x !)

I'm moving there with the quickness! :lol:

Please do! We need more salseros....! While we are on the topic, anyone else interested :wink: ?

I'm in too :D :D :D ... I'll drive SD's get away car... :car:

[salsachinita]

:bouncy: :bouncy: :bouncy: !

Yay! DF family meeting down under in Melbourne.....! A dream of mine come true!

(why not? I've already had salseros visiting from Sydney & Perth :wink: !)

[SDsalsaguy]

Yay! DF family meeting down under in Melbourne.....! A dream of mine come true!

(why not? I've already had salseros visiting from Sydney & Perth :wink: !)
Yeah, well, our commute is a little further... :wink:

[youngsta]

Are there any big salsa events happening later in the year salsachinita??

[LindyQuest]

I usually try to ask just about anybody to dance. The only times I won't ask are when they are clearly out of my league, or they ignore me. There was one guy I wanted to dance with last weekend, and both times when I approached him he looked beyond me and walked away and his attitude was like, "Ho hum, I think I'll go to this side of the room now." I figured I wouldn't bother trying to ask him again.
I do love it when a lead asks me to dance twice in a row! ':bouncy:' It makes me feel that maybe I do know what I'm doing, and I'm not as uncoordinated as I feel! I will almost always say yes when asked for a second dance.

[salsachinita]

Are there any big salsa events happening later in the year salsachinita??

There is the Sydney Congress in late Oct/early Nov.

I would love to meet you guys there, then bring all of you down to Melbourne with me for my birthday :D !

Oct/Nov is always a beautiful time to be down under :wink: !

[youngsta]

That may be just far enough out that I can save for it! I've been dying to get to Australia. Must research :D

[Redheadedmermaid]

Hi Salsachinita!!!!

I have always been to scared to ask people to dance due to fear of rejection.

But it seems everyone else feels the same. People want to dance with each other, but guys are scared to ask girls and girls are scared to ask guys, which ends up that people aren't dancing with all the people they want to and we're wasting valuable salsa time!!

Because of this nonsense, my friend and I have made a pact to ask one guy per week, that we don't know, to dance. We've been doing this for two weeks now and I have asked three guys 8)

Until last night it was a great experience (I picked the roughest lead in the club last night :x ). But forget that and lets get back to the good ones...

The first guy I asked was a Beginner/Int, BUT he was a firm and exact lead. He is going to be a great dancer very soon, and hopefully I will be on his dance list :wink:

The second guy was from overseas. He was sitting in the club alone for so long. Eventually I plucked up the courage to asked him and it turned out that again he was a great lead and a great guy. He'd been in the country for a few weeks and was having trouble 'breaking into' the scene here. He was busting to dance!!! He thanked me for asking him. I think I made his night and I certainly made mine.

Although last nights experience was less than perfect, I will still keep asking guys to dance.

PS it was great meeting you when you were here Salsachinita. Hopefully I will be done your way one day soon!!

[danceguy]

Hmm, I wonder if Salseras from down under may be more outgoing than women from the states? At least where I go dancing, its very rare to see a lady ask a man to dance. Especially if its someone they don't know, its almost never happens!

RHM - I think its so great that you are asking guys to dance...please encourage more Salseras to do so! I try and ask at least one lady I've never seen before each time I go out...but the only women that have asked me to dance are ones that have met me before, I've yet to have a woman who is a complete stranger ask me for a dance.

I've pretty much gotten over my fear of asking women to dance...but sometimes (like last night in a new club) I lock up and then just don't want to dance at all. Its tough as a new lead...hmm...I can't do much beyond the basic stuff so I tend to avoid the really advanced Salseras...but I need to start asking them too.

I also need to start saving up for a trip to Austraila. :)

Best,

SG

[salsachinita]

Good on ya, RHM! I was always asking guys to dance (remember?) when I was in Sydney. No point wasting precious salsa time :wink: !

Ok, you get the occassional rough leads, but how do you think I was able to meet all these FANTASTIC salseros from overseas/interstate.....? EXACTLY what you did!

To answer your question, SG, we girls from down under may turn out to be more assertive 'askers' due to the shortage of good leads here. Ask, or miss out.
(Eventhough there seemed to be more leads in Sydney, as stated by my friend who visited Melbourne last Friday.)

OK, anyone here in DF working in the travel industry...? Any DF special group deals to get all you guys from the States down here for the Sydney Congress......?

[youngsta]

Hmm, I wonder if Salseras from down under may be more outgoing than women from the states?
I highly doubt it. In the majority of the clubs I've gone to women are always on the prowl! I have to literally hide out of eyeshot to sit out a dance.

[salsachinita]

I have to literally hide out of eyeshot to sit out a dance.

:lol: :lol: :lol: I know a few guys here who can so relate to this, Youngsta!

[danceguy]

I highly doubt it. In the majority of the clubs I've gone to women are always on the prowl! I have to literally hide out of eyeshot to sit out a dance.

Youngsta, is this just in Colorado? If so I'll be making a trip over there real soon. :)

Seriously though, do you encounter this everywhere you go? The Salsa scene is very small where I live...and I rarely see women on the prowl like you and salsachinita have mentioned.

That settles it...I've needed another excuse to get me to move out of this area...this may be the perfect one. :P

[Sagitta]

Here too. No women on the prowl... :)

[youngsta]

Youngsta, is this just in Colorado? If so I'll be making a trip over there real soon. :)

Nope. Even when I'm in LA it's that way. If I need a break I have to get WAAYYYYYYYY far from the dance floor!! :lol:

[danceguy]

Hmm...now are these Salseras mainly on the prowl for a good lead? I imagine that you are quite a good dancer, as opposed to myself who is just starting out.

Would these same ladies seek out a beginner just the same? Or a complete stranger?

Sagitta - sounds like we need to visit some different dance venues. There are no ladies on the prowl where I dance...I see many thinking about asking me, but they never do!

[salsachinita]

I see many thinking about asking me, but they never do!

Ask them!

[danceguy]

Oh no worries, I ask some of them. The real flirty ones I avoid though...I don't have time for that stuff. :)

Of course, you have to be really quick to get a lady where I go dancing...there are a lot of leads to compete with.

I filled my ask to dance quota tonight by asking two strangers to dance, so all is well for a Sunday evening. :)

[Redheadedmermaid]

SG, I don't know if we are more assertive than women in the startes but without asking anyone, I know of at least four Aussie women (one is Salsachinita) who ask guys to dance, so I imagine there's plenty more. Salsachinita's right, why waste valuable salsa-time!!!

If you come to Australia (and what better time than the Congress????) let me know and we'll dance with you. :) I'm sure Salsachinita will too!!

Its a strange thing in Salsa, there are many more men in it than women it seems. In our classes men often outnumber women, which is not as good a thing as it sounds.

As far as knowing how a stranger leads before you ask, well, you take pot luck really, unless you've seen them dancing.

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

Hmm, I wonder if Salseras from down under may be more outgoing than women from the states? At least where I go dancing, its very rare to see a lady ask a man to dance. Especially if its someone they don't know, its almost never happens!


Hi SG,

I´ve had girls ask me to dance that were complete strangers. On the top of my head there were at least three who I had never seen before in my life. They were all less experienced than me. Anyway, I always accept and usually ask them later on during the night. I think it takes a lot of guts to do something like that. I admire woman that do that.

About three weeks ago, a girl who I didn´t know also asked me to dance with her - twice on the same night. A week later, I saw her again and she asked me to dance with her 5 times! :shock: Amazing. We danced 6 times (I asked her to dance once). She told me that she didn´t mind asking guys to dance. Great and rare attitude!

Regarding your question, I believe most girls when they ask a complete stranger prefer asking a guy more advanced than themselves. Why? Because most of the good leads would not normally ask them for a dance.

[salsachinita]

most girls when they ask a complete stranger prefer asking a guy more advanced than themselves. Why? Because most of the good leads would not normally ask them for a dance.

Yep, that's how we can improve......! (At least it's the only way I know how to maximize my range of partners for the night :wink: )

By dancing "up", ie dancing with better leads, we as followers are picking up different things, new challenges included. All of which are beneficial to make us better dancers :wink: !

[nobodaddy]

You NEVER turn a lady down who asks you to dance! Any lady who asks me to dance ALWAYS gets a YES! And I've met some great ladies and followers this way. I agree with the previous post, it takes guts to ask someone you don't know to dance, but this is also something you should get over--it's only a dance! I live in the SF Bay area, and one of the best followers here is a lady named Rita. When my friend and I first started going out to the clubs, she would come right up to us and say,"You both better ask me for a dance tonite--don't make me hunt you down!" So we would and she is GREAT! I think this goes a long way to building up beginning leader confidence. I know when I was starting I got a lot of "mercy" dances by ladies who were much better than I. I think that's what so great about the Salsa scene--people are social and generous in their encouragement. You just eventually get over the shyness and get out there and dance! If I go to a club and see a lady sitting in the corner, I go up and ask her because I remember what it was like when I was starting out.

[Sagitta]

Way to go nobodaddy!! :D