D'ya know what I HATE?

[thespina13]

I hate it when friends need like seven texts, three e-mails and two phone calls the DAY OF your plans that you just made last night, in order to confirm that things are still on, and you're still game, and you still wanna do something. And where and when and how late you may or may not be, and how many opportunities that offers for them to back out of plans at any given hour, and if they DO decide to back out, and you HAVEN'T fulfilled your requisite quota of communiques, it's going to be brought up ("...well, since we haven't heard from you much today, we just thought...). Sigh.

What happened to the days of making a plan, saying "see you there", and actually seeing you there? I'm the type who'll make a plan last week and still show up, whether you've contacted me in the meantime or not! I mean, if you have a private dance lesson that you booked two and a half weeks ago, do you text your pro 138 times in two and a half weeks just to make sure you're still on?

While I do appreciate digital communication greatly (love DF!), I'm sick of the lack of accountability it's created, under the guise of super-accountability. It's quite genius. "Didn't get the text", "My phone cacked out", "you didn't answer, didn't you get my message?" "too many e-mails... must have missed yours by accident". I'd love to go back to the days of paper letters, wax seals and important social appointments. Sort of.

[quixotedlm]

i usu say something like, "if you don't hear again on this subj, it means we are on and i'll show up. if you are not a definite yes, then please respond as a maybe and i'll be sure NOT to count you until you give a definite yes. And oh, the reservations need to be made by wed"

not that it works too well :|

[jennyisdancing]

I share the same gripe about having to bug people just to show up. It makes me believe they are

1. Unreliable and flaky OR
2. They think I am unreliable and flaky OR
3. They really aren't interested in seeing me and therefore only will go if I bug them enough OR
4. They have, or think they have, better offers

None of these answers makes me happy.

[meow]

I dislike making plans with certain people as they are notorious for not showing or cancelling with the same lame excuses like:
- I forgot
- I'm sick
- My child is sick
I always know when it is crap, and they know that I know, but they stick to their story. I won't ever accuse someone of lying without proof and one never has proof with these types of escuses. So, I don't bother inviting them. And if they get peeved at not being asked, I tell them the truth - I didn't think they would make it. I think I get more hurt than angry but then it is them who miss out, not me.

[bordertangoman]

I dislike making plans with certain people as they are notorious for not showing or cancelling with the same lame excuses like:
- I forgot
- I'm sick
- My child is sick
I always know when it is crap, and they know that I know, but they stick to their story. I won't ever accuse someone of lying without proof and one never has proof with these types of escuses. So, I don't bother inviting them. And if they get peeved at not being asked, I tell them the truth - I didn't think they would make it. I think I get more hurt than angry but then it is them who miss out, not me.

I have one friend who operates on such double standards we had a few rows about it.

If she thinks we've made a firm arrangement then its firm but if she thinks its a loose arrangement and I assume its firm because we've agreed dates times etc, made arrangments to meet she can still cancel or not turn up at all. I got so fed up that I did exactly what she did to me back to her so she understood how it felt to have someone cancel at the last minute. She was upset and very abusive, called me all sorts of names and I just said this is how you treat me and I need you to know how it feels to be on the receiving end. She came up with all sorts of arguments about how she was a busy person and had to juggle all sorts of things, but I said don't think that's an excuse to treat me the way you do.

[Peaches]

Amen.

DH, my brother and I often comment about the decline in personal responsibility as a result of cell phones. Make a plan. Make contingency plans. Follow through. People managed to survive for hundreds of years without calling every 5 minutes.

Ticks me off. I just don't answer my phone half the time. If it's important, they'll leave a message. Usually it's not.

[samina]

I'd love to go back to the days of paper letters, wax seals and important social appointments. Sort of.

i can appreciate that. most of all, i miss big clunky landline telephones... miss'em, miss'em, miss'em. we're all getting our brains cooked by these uncomfy bits of metal... and you can hardly hear, anyway...

anyway, i understand your frustration, thes... just tell'em the first time you'll be there and why are they complicating things? waste of energy...

[bordertangoman]

i can appreciate that. most of all, i miss big clunky landline telephones... miss'em, miss'em, miss'em. ......

Yeah, you can't kill somebody with a mobile, but an old fashioned phone makes a good blunt instrument. ( or even the cable for strangling.)

[Yliander]

Yeah, you can't kill somebody with a mobile, but an old fashioned phone makes a good blunt instrument. ( or even the cable for strangling.) beautiful!!!! I love it!!! makes me want to get a landline again!

[DrDoug]

Yeah, you can't kill somebody with a mobile, but an old fashioned phone makes a good blunt instrument. ( or even the cable for strangling.)

Or if you're in a benevolent mood, just pinch their finger in the rotary dial.

[tj]

For whatever reason, it seems like Flakyness is more common nowadays. Anyone else feel that way?

[and123]

Very definitely.

[quixotedlm]

I've a friend who emails out invites all the time. Her own position on attendance is phrased like "I may be there - if you go, might see you there". She's been doing this for years now .

[delamusica]

I am completely flaky. I try really really really hard not to be . . . but I'm not always successful. I really appreciate it when my friends check in to remind me about things. They seem to understand that I honestly don't flake out on purpose.

[jennyisdancing]

I've a friend who emails out invites all the time. Her own position on attendance is phrased like "I may be there - if you go, might see you there". She's been doing this for years now .

Ugh, how annoying. I have a couple of acquaintances like that. What's worse is, this attitude is so common that even my own mother will keep calling to remind me of plans we have made together. It's not because of me (I'm very reliable) but she says that she is so accustomed to having to chase after everybody else she deals with, that she does it out of habit.

p.s. delamusica - Sounds like you're talking about just being disorganized or forgetful. That's no biggie, and anyway you can remedy that. I'm very disorganized myself, so I have had to work extra hard to keep track of things. It doesn't come naturally. I put all my appointments into my computer and sync it up with a Palm - and I use a paper planner as a backup. Otherwise, I would never remember my schedule.

I think the discussion in this thread, however, is not about types like us, but more about people who refuse to commit to plans, are unreliable, make excuses, or act like they have something more important to do. We've been using the word 'flaky' to describe that, but perhaps 'annoying' 'discourteous' and 'disrespectful' would be more accurate.

[bordertangoman]

Or if you're in a benevolent mood, just pinch their finger in the rotary dial.

Clive James suggested that mobile phones should have a hypodermic syringe filled with some narcotic that shuts people up. It would inject itself into the users ear after a given number of minutes .

[tj]

Ugh, how annoying. I have a couple of acquaintances like that. What's worse is, this attitude is so common that even my own mother will keep calling to remind me of plans we have made together. It's not because of me (I'm very reliable) but she says that she is so accustomed to having to chase after everybody else she deals with, that she does it out of habit.

p.s. delamusica - Sounds like you're talking about just being disorganized or forgetful. That's no biggie, and anyway you can remedy that. I'm very disorganized myself, so I have had to work extra hard to keep track of things. It doesn't come naturally. I put all my appointments into my computer and sync it up with a Palm - and I use a paper planner as a backup. Otherwise, I would never remember my schedule.

I think the discussion in this thread, however, is not about types like us, but more about people who refuse to commit to plans, are unreliable, make excuses, or act like they have something more important to do. We've been using the word 'flaky' to describe that, but perhaps 'annoying' 'discourteous' and 'disrespectful' would be more accurate.

Certainly using those three words are more indicative of how I personally feel about such behavior. I guess it all depends on the activity involved, and how firm of a commitment was given. I admit that I'll sometimes keep a 'backup' handy if it's tickets to something.

[meow]

I don't think people are more 'flaky', I think society, in general, is more about 'me,me,me!'. They don't consider how their actions may affect others as they are too interested in themselves. I call it the "Me Generation".:rolleyes: I am very reliable and would feel really guilty if I said I would be somewhere and then just didn't show up. I rarely forget stuff as I have to keep a diary - I write everything down and check it each day. Without a diary, I would be lost.;)

[quixotedlm]

Meet Ms.MEow :p

[bailoca]

I don't think people are more 'flaky', I think society, in general, is more about 'me,me,me!'. They don't consider how their actions may affect others as they are too interested in themselves. I call it the "Me Generation".:rolleyes: I am very reliable and would feel really guilty if I said I would be somewhere and then just didn't show up. I rarely forget stuff as I have to keep a diary - I write everything down and check it each day. Without a diary, I would be lost.;)

Agreed, people definitely don't consider the affect of their actions. For example, I had plans with my friend for over a month to take an out of town day trip. The night before I called to confirm and she said she wasn't coming because she wanted to watch a soccer game. I don't think she was even planning to tell me. I know things come up, but really, a soccer game! What really killed me was that she doesn't even like soccer, she only wanted to watch the "hot european guys". arghh

[thespina13]

Oh lordy... that's somethign I would have been tearing my hair out over.

I even had my friends say "don't be keeping your evenings open just so we can come over..." I was thinking, "well if I have plans with you, I'm not going to be making OTHER plans... how disrespectful would THAT be to BOTH parties?" I'm actually EAGER to see people, and when I get the feeling that they're not eager to see me, that really blows. It seems as though there's more of a focus on how THEY feel about the value of the situation, and not a concern about how the hosts feel. I mean, if my grandmother wants me to come over, I absolutely CRY if I can't make it for some reason because i know how badly SHE wants to see me, not because I find it raucous good fun to be over there.

It definitely is a "me" generation.

[jennyisdancing]

Oh lordy... that's somethign I would have been tearing my hair out over.

I even had my friends say "don't be keeping your evenings open just so we can come over..." I was thinking, "well if I have plans with you, I'm not going to be making OTHER plans... how disrespectful would THAT be to BOTH parties?" I'm actually EAGER to see people, and when I get the feeling that they're not eager to see me, that really blows. It seems as though there's more of a focus on how THEY feel about the value of the situation, and not a concern about how the hosts feel. I mean, if my grandmother wants me to come over, I absolutely CRY if I can't make it for some reason because i know how badly SHE wants to see me, not because I find it raucous good fun to be over there.

It definitely is a "me" generation.

I'd rather we didn't get into generation wars. I've seen people over 50 do the same thing we are talking about - being unreliable for making social plans. There is such a thing as basic courtesy and respect, and some people (of all ages) simply don't practice it.

[meow]

Meet Ms.MEow :p

Yes, I know that you are sooooo happy to meet ME!:p;)

[thespina13]

I'd rather we didn't get into generation wars. I've seen people over 50 do the same thing we are talking about - being unreliable for making social plans. There is such a thing as basic courtesy and respect, and some people (of all ages) simply don't practice it.

Maybe we're in a "me" astrological time? LoL... maybe the zeitgeist is "me"? :p But your point is very true.