What attributes of women attract men at a social dance

[KevinL]

Since some of you aren't members of USABDA and therefore didn't recieve the Jan./Feb. 2004 edition of Amateur Dancers, I thought you might like to know that a certain Jonathon Marion (known locally as SD Salsaguy) had an article published about the "New Kid on the Electronic Block: www.Dance-Forums.com". It was a nice article and supplied an overview of what topics are covered on Dance Forums. Hopefully more people will find out about Dance Forums and come join in the discussions!

Also in that same edition was a letter from a Sheldon Liss, USABDA Orange County.
I would like to see an article on, "What Attributes of Women Attract Men at a Social Dance."

It is pathetic that some women spend most of their evening sitting at a social dance instead of dancing. Is this their choice? Many of them are excellent, proficient dancers. Why are some not-so-proficient dance women the "center" of male attention?

An article exploring: clothing, hair, gestures, body geometry, and "dance readiness" would be informative as well as offer some clues for the "clueless."

Naturally, the author should be male.

(Spelling and grammer errors are my typos.)

Since some aspects of this topic have been discussed on Dance Forums previously I thought that perhaps we could work as a group to answer the quetsion, and have SD submit it for the next edition.

I think the article would be best if it came from multiple points of view, instead of just one author.

What do you think? Feedback?

Kevin

[Sagitta]

If a woman looks as if she is interested in dancing I will ask her to dance. I've danced with ages ranging from high school all the way up to ladies with children who are in their 30s, while I am in my 20s. I have danced with people of varying abilities, and also degrees of "attractiveness". If I approach someone and say "hi" and she has smokers breath, or unpleasant body odors, I'll just have a few words with her and make my escape. I dance with some not-so proficient dancers as I have danced with them before and know they like to dance, irrespective of any whether such people have "attractive" features. Then there are some of those who are my friends... :) I'll dance with almost anyone who asks me too, so that is an option those ladies can also take.

[Vin]

I think that the opinions gained from this forum on this subject will lead to a skewed viewpoint. The men that frequent this forum are dance enthusiasts themselves, many dance not to meet women but because we actually enjoy it. I would guess that men like that are about 1% of the population that you would normally see at a dance event.
We will all say something very similar,
1)If I have never seen a woman dance I will ask her to dance if it looks like she wants to dance.
2) If I have never danced with someone but have seen her dance, I will ask her to dance if it looks like her style will fit my own.
3) If I have danced with her before and I didn't hate the experience I will ask her to dance.
4) If I know her I will ask her to dance.
You will not often get the answer here that you would normally get
If I find her attractive I will dance with her.

[borikensalsero]

Attract men? As in what do we look for in a dance or in a woman?
I too agree that our opinions here will be bit on the unrealistic side as opposed to the regular man frequenting clubs. Most males only care to play “free-eels” (Free feels) with the ladies, hence going for the easier/sexier looking ladies. God, that reminds me that the other night, I extended my hand out to a lady for a dance and she grabbed it and rubbed it all over her road bumps. Man!!! YUCK!!!!! What up girl, stop drinking ( I didn’t know she was drinking until I smelled her breath)

I'm never one to believe that the leaders are the sole reason a woman sits the night out. If you look uninviting, you will sit there for the rest of the night.

I ask women who are obviously there to dance, and I don’t mean the ones sitting in the last seat against the back wall with her arms crossed with an “ I don’t want to be here face”. Make yourself inviting, move up next to the floor, show some life…

If you don’t have dance shoes on, or proper attire to dance with, you’ll be sitting all night. I’m here to dance not look at your sexy thigh-high dress and strap-less shoes.

If I see you dance, and you look like it is the last place you want to be on earth, I won’t be asking you to dance.

If you haven’t danced all night, I’m going to think that you might just be there for watching entertainment. How about taking the initiative and letting everyone know that you are ready to get it on…

Dancing community is very small, if you are snot, complain about leaders, are a rough follow, are a solo dancer, have horrible hygiene, Imma choose to stay away from you this night.

Don’t let me catch you having a new drink every time I look your way. You’ll be watching the rest of the night too.

If you are a shy person, then lets not blame others for the issues we have. This is about dancing, if you are as eager to dance as you say you are, then get up and do something about it. Don’t just sit there and complain with a mean face that no one dances with you, because you haven’t shown interest to dance with anyone either.

You can even do what shy girls do to me. They stand besides me and tap their feet, or walk around me until I get the hint that they want to dance with me. Gosh, why not just ask, what is all the pride/shyness about?

[Vince A]

If I've the seen the lady dance . . . it's body language, footwork, and does she "play" on the floor. A nice smile completes the package . . . the size of her boobs doesn't matter - if you get where I'm going with that???

If I haven't danced with her . . . a good body does matter. I have many moves in whcih I tend to place my hand on their shoulders, backs, waist, and belly. "I feel" uncomfortable placing my hand on a lady that may have a large belly or waist . . . I'm not uncomfortable about her size . . . just uncomfortable about how she may feel about her size when I do place my hand there. Make sense . . . kinda, sorta, maybe???

I dance the same with all . . . although the level of dance may go up or down depending on their abilities!

[brujo]

boobs

[Phil Owl]

1) Obviously looks like she's relaxed, having a great time and is interested in dancing. (This is VERY attractive to me)

2) A big smile and an adoring look in the eyes is a big plus

3) If I've danced with that person before and enjoyed it

4) Takes care of herself, good hygene

5) Have to admit, I have a thing for women who wear twirl skirts (not required though). Can't stand sleazy, trashy clothing though!

6) While dancing, doesn't just merely do steps but really puts her personality into it, gets playful too.

7) Just simply being comfortable in their own skin

[KevinL]

While I'm not ready to agree with the "pathetic" part, I do think that Sheldon's point: "It is pathetic that some women spend most of their evening sitting at a social dance instead of dancing." is rather telling. Why are they sitting there? Why aren't they asking guys to dance? One of the best ways to tell if someone is there to dance, rather than to watch, is to see them dancing! If someone (male or female) sits behind a table they will be passed over for the person who is standing next to the dance floor moving to the music, even if they haven't actually been dancing. They're available and ready to go!

clothing, I don't think that I notice clothing that much, so this one might be hard for me. Like Phil Owl wrote, I like women in twirly skirts, but that usually doesn't have much influence in choosing a partner. Footwear matters, when I notice it. Wearing shoes that I think won't stay on your feet, no matter how great they look, will be a negative point.

hair, I prefer women with shoulder length hair. It should be long enough to look "womanly", but not so long that it slaps my face if she does a fast turn. Having said that, I also sometimes like women with really short haircuts. I also like well cared for hair, but sometimes the wild look as the woman comes off the dance floor is great as well.

gestures, I don't really understand this topic, but perhaps Sheldon meant "body language"? As I mentioned above, and borikensalsero mentioned earlier, if your body language is inviting I'll probably ask you to dance. If you are hiding in a corner scowling, I probably won't ask you to dance.

body geometry, Body geometry? Is this another way of saying "Does it matter if I'm fat?" Yes, it does matter. If I have the choice between someone who looks fit and athletic and someone who is obese, I'll choose fit and athletic first. However, if I've danced with each of the women previously, and have found the obese woman to be a better daner, than I'll ask her first. Either way, though, I usually try to ask everyone to dance at least once a night.

"dance readiness" This goes back to not sitting in the corner all night. Stand near the dance floor, and ask guys to dance. Wear dance-appropriate clothes. Smile and look like you are having fun!

Kevin

[danceslave]

I've had this question in my head for a really long time now..very interesting topic indeed.. I'm definitely all ears.. or rather eyes.. i also like to get some input from men that are not 'dancers' so basically men that are outside of this forum.

[danceslave]

I think that the opinions gained from this forum on this subject will lead to a skewed viewpoint. The men that frequent this forum are dance enthusiasts themselves, many dance not to meet women but because we actually enjoy it.
You will not often get the answer here that you would normally get
If I find her attractive I will dance with her.great points that's the same thing i was trying to get across

[danceslave]

LOL borikensalsero... the way you wrote your responses had me laughing but i do understand where you're coming from

KEVINL.. your response are waaaaaayy too diplomatic, good points it's just funny how u seemed to cover all grounds

where are the rest of the guys?

[jon]

It is pathetic that some women spend most of their evening sitting at a social dance instead of dancing. Is this their choice?

Yes, of course it is. Enough of the culture of victimhood already. Sometimes I'm in a foul mood and end up spending most of the evening sitting out as well, but I don't blame that on other people.

Some points true for me, perhaps not for others:

- I do not ask someone to dance more than 2-3 times unless she asks me to dance in return as well. Given the excess of leads in this area it won't happen all that often, but if someone never asks, she's either uninterested in dancing with me, or has been socialized in a manner I do not wish to accomodate.

- I do not perceive someone sitting down as wanting to dance, particularly someone sitting and talking with a group of other women. I am much more likely to ask someone standing near the dance floor and looking around for a partner herself.

- I prefer to dance with attractive women, of course, but "attractive" has a lot more to do with how well they dance and how much they appear to enjoy dancing with me, than whether they'd win the Miss America contest.

[Hank]

Dancing is just like junior high; popularity is everything. People (regardless of gender) who are good dancers, are physically attractive, and are pleasant to be around are popular dance partners. A moderately low score in one category can be compensated for by a high score in another category. This is the way the world worked when you had acne and braces, and it holds true today.

[youngsta]

boriken has said pretty much everything I would have said.

[pygmalion]

Not that I'm out checking out girls at dances or anything, but I think Vince makes a good point. The responses here are skewed because the guys here are, for the most part, hardcore dancers who'd rather have a beautiful follow than a beautiful girl (both would be best, LOL).

[Sagitta]

Yup. :) I immediately seek out the connection/that feeling. I hunger for it and that's all I want. :) As my signature line says I want to dance and not do steps. And that does not come just by dancing with advanced dancers, but can be had with dancers of all abilities.

[tsb]

I think that the opinions gained from this forum on this subject will lead to a skewed viewpoint. The men that frequent this forum are dance enthusiasts themselves, many dance not to meet women but because we actually enjoy it. I would guess that men like that are about 1% of the population that you would normally see at a dance event.
We will all say something very similar,
1)If I have never seen a woman dance I will ask her to dance if it looks like she wants to dance.
2) If I have never danced with someone but have seen her dance, I will ask her to dance if it looks like her style will fit my own.
3) If I have danced with her before and I didn't hate the experience I will ask her to dance.
4) If I know her I will ask her to dance.
You will not often get the answer here that you would normally get
If I find her attractive I will dance with her.

pretty much what Vin said, except much less than 1%!!!! and while i might want to dance with someone because i find her attractive, i generally don't feel like getting in line with all the other guys that are asking her to dance only because she's attractive.

the original question comes out of the ballroom community. i don't know about USABDA chapters elsewhere, but the two chapters i'm familiar with here tend to focus on international style, and most international style dancers tend to be relatively monogamous when it comes to their partnering. and if there are always an excess of followers then it should be expected that that a lot of followers sit. unattached leaders are then at a premium and have much more latitude in whom they choose to dance with - let's face it, guys are guys and as a gender more influenced by the visual.

i also note that there seems to be a certain demographic distribution in ballroom. i was amused by the comment that someone in their 20's dances with people up to their 30's. i'm in my early 40's and most of the time if not the youngest, one of the 10 youngest people at the ballroom venues i frequent (while much closer to the oldest at the lindy venues i frequent and in the middle for argentine tango). when i'm not the youngest, the younger dancers tend to come and dance as couples because they compete.

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

Ladies I’ve never danced with:

1) Availability: I won’t go out of my way to reach the lady. I like girls with easy access, ie, near the dance floor.
2) Good Mood: I tend to ask ladies who are smiling and enjoying themselves.
3) Body language: If she looks like she wants to dance, I will ask her. Example: doing shines near the dance floor, looking at the couples dancing with a spark in her eyes, tapping her feet, etc.

Ladies whom I’ve already danced with:

I really enjoy dancing with those ladies who clear their minds, focus on me and completely abandon themselves to my lead. This can lead to the most fantastic and transcendental dance experiences you can ever have. This is what I look for in a lady.

[KevinL]

It is pathetic that some women spend most of their evening sitting at a social dance instead of dancing.

Given that the letter was written to the USABDA magazine, and specifically mentions "a social dance", not a dance club, I think that the answers given here will probably represent the points of view that Sheldon wanted.

However, as tsb pointed out, the availabilty of men might very much depend on the mix of people at the local USABDA dance. Are they mostly pre-coupled? Or do lots of people come without partners?

[JonD]

Boriken sums it up for me - and put it better than I could ever have done!

The only thing I'd add is that smiling is important!

Jon

[danceguy]

I believe all the major points have been discussed, but there's one thing for me that's really important. I really enjoy dancing with a lady who will "let go" and allow herself to be there with the music, and me.

Some of my best dances have been with total novices who have never danced Salsa...I remember one girl who really focused on me and I was able to lead her through some smooth basics and I really enjoyed the dance. Other people, beginners and advanced alike are just there dancing with themselves...sometimes oblivious to the connection with me...so even if I stop, they just keep going. That really gets me...someone who just dances for themself first and sees you as secondary. Its very excusable for a beginner, but for someone more experienced, it is not.

Usually if that continues to happen, I'll be far less inclined to ask the lady to dance again. :wink:

[SDsalsaguy]

Other people, beginners and advanced alike are just there dancing with themselves...sometimes oblivious to the connection with me...so even if I stop, they just keep going. That really gets me...
Or, the counterpart to this... they start dancing before I do! :shock:

[danceguy]

Yes! That too SD...grrr....no fun. :?

[bordertangoman]

The WON'TS are very few; basically women who I've had a bad experience dancing with.

I discovered I had a good reputation for choosing partners without any prejudice. This is becuase I still remember what its like to be a beginner and I'm happy to offer encouragement. I remember my own experience of dancing with an accomplished dancer when I was beginner just getting to find my feet. It was like driving a ferrari after learning to drive on a tractor. She was just so smooth and well balanced she just went wherever I did. I was astonished!!

I still have my favourites, but I'll always watch out for the wall flowers who need persuading onto the dance floor. As for age I think the youngest was a teenage daughter of a friend and there are some senior citizens who have probably done more dancing in their lifetime than I will ever do. They were young when dancing was a popular social activity.

[Vince A]

Come on guys . . . tell the truth!

If a Pamela Lee Anderson look-alike was at a dance wearing a miniskirt the length of a woman's belt and a crop top that was cut to her waist and her boobs falling out the bottom . . . we'd all be breaking our necks to get over there, in-line, to ask her dance.

Guys are guys . . . no matter waht you say . . . and if you say you wouldn't do this, you're full of BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[KevinL]

Come on guys . . . tell the truth!

If a Pamela Lee Anderson look-alike was at a dance wearing a miniskirt the length of a woman's belt and a crop top that was cut to her waist and her boobs falling out the bottom . . . we'd all be breaking our necks to get over there, in-line, to ask her dance.

Guys are guys . . . no matter waht you say . . . and if you say you wouldn't do this, you're full of BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breaking my neck to get over there? I doubt it. Would I keep checking her out from whereever I was, sure, but ask her to dance? The attire you describe is culturally unacceptable for the kind of social dances I attend. (Unless of course everyone else was mostly naked too, but I don't really see myself ever attending such a function.)

However, if she displayed the other behaviours that I find attractive in a dance partner, and was being ignored by everyone else, I would ask her to dance. The true gentleman does everything in their power to mkae everyone around them feel comfortable, even if they are dressed inappropriately.

Kevin

[Vin]

Come on guys . . . tell the truth!

If a Pamela Lee Anderson look-alike was at a dance wearing a miniskirt the length of a woman's belt and a crop top that was cut to her waist and her boobs falling out the bottom . . . we'd all be breaking our necks to get over there, in-line, to ask her dance.

Guys are guys . . . no matter waht you say . . . and if you say you wouldn't do this, you're full of BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ditto what Kevin said, I would probably be too shy to ask her to dance.

[pygmalion]

I wonder what would happen if we started another thread with the question of what attracts women to men at a social dance. Hmm.

Truth be told, handsome men are, well... handsome. No denying it, and no missing it. I'm not on the prowl, but I'm not blind, either. But that's not what makes me ask guys to dance. I usually ask the guys who aren't being asked, handsome or not. A handsome and popular guy doesn't need me to ask him. The shy guy in the corner does, so he's the one I'm going to ask. (Of course, if the handsome guy asks me, well... Who am I to say no? LOL)

[NeoDevin]

Come on guys . . . tell the truth!

If a Pamela Lee Anderson look-alike was at a dance wearing a miniskirt the length of a woman's belt and a crop top that was cut to her waist and her boobs falling out the bottom . . . we'd all be breaking our necks to get over there, in-line, to ask her dance.

Guys are guys . . . no matter waht you say . . . and if you say you wouldn't do this, you're full of BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry to bust your bubble, but Pamela Anderson is ugly. Britney Spears on the other hand...

PS. Yes I do sometimes choose dance partners because they're good looking girls about my age, I'm not trying to deny that.

[Vince A]

Come on guys . . . tell the truth!

If a Pamela Lee Anderson look-alike was at a dance wearing a miniskirt the length of a woman's belt and a crop top that was cut to her waist and her boobs falling out the bottom . . . we'd all be breaking our necks to get over there, in-line, to ask her dance.

Guys are guys . . . no matter waht you say . . . and if you say you wouldn't do this, you're full of BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry to bust your bubble, but Pamela Anderson is ugly. Britney Spears on the other hand...

PS. Yes I do sometimes choose dance partners because they're good looking girls about my age, I'm not trying to deny that.
Anderson was just a quick pick case-in-point . . .

Guys are guys, and we would probably pick the cute one over the homely one everytime, if all things were equal but that.

[bordertangoman]

As someone who prone to procrastination and indecision I find the best way is to start in one corner of the room and work from left to right.
Thus all the issues of will she won't she or is she the one I want to dance with. I spend ALL my evening on the dance floor only stoppping for refeshment or if I need a break.

Pamela Lee Anderson is not to my taste. Now if it was Jerry Ryan that would be a different matter entirely

[KevinL]

Guys are guys, and we would probably pick the cute one over the homely one everytime, if all things were equal but that.

Sure, if all things are equal, I'll ask someone I think is "cute" before I'll ask someone who I think is "not cute". But all things are never equal.

Oh, and I also use the, "ask my way around the room" strategy as well.

Kevin

[tsb]

Come on guys . . . tell the truth!

If a Pamela Lee Anderson look-alike was at a dance wearing a miniskirt the length of a woman's belt and a crop top that was cut to her waist and her boobs falling out the bottom . . . we'd all be breaking our necks to get over there, in-line, to ask her dance.

Guys are guys . . . no matter waht you say . . . and if you say you wouldn't do this, you're full of BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when there's a really attractive woman (and generally a complete beginner), i generally let the 'wolfpack' descend and do their five dances in a row/try to teach thang, wait until they're done and get a single dance in near the end of the evening, no teaching, just simple figures that they can be lead through smoothly. more often than not i get an email address or phone # before they leave. even when not, invariably they look for me on a subsequent evening.

The attire you describe is culturally unacceptable for the kind of social dances I attend. (Unless of course everyone else was mostly naked too, but I don't really see myself ever attending such a function.)


some of the women i see at certain salsa venues dress pretty provocatively. i suspect they wear more when they come home and go to sleep! but i tend to avoid asking these women to dance, regardless of how attractive they are. that midwestern (ohio) upbringing, i think.

[Jmatthew]

- I do not perceive someone sitting down as wanting to dance, particularly someone sitting and talking with a group of other women. I am much more likely to ask someone standing near the dance floor and looking around for a partner herself.

That's probably the biggest pet peave I have. Girls who sit in a back corner chatting then get upset because they don't get asked to dance. If you want to dance, be on the floor. The only time I'll ask someone sitting and chatting is if I know them well enough that's forgive-able for me to interupt.

As for a super-sexy dancer...

You know, I might be a freak. Honestly. Maybe. Or Maybe it's just the Lindy scene. But hottie-ness is definately not any kind of consideration for me when it comes to who I dance with. I certainly NOTICE when the girl I'm dancing with is a hottie, but I'm certainly not going to work to get to the hot girl to dance with her. I'd MUCH rather dance with a decent follow than the hottest girl in the most revealing clothes who's only dance skill is grinding herself against me.

Now, if she wants to get together AFTER the dance, that's another story. :) But when I'm dancing I'm dancing, and what I like in a girl is good dancing.

[youngsta]

Come on guys . . . tell the truth!

If a Pamela Lee Anderson look-alike was at a dance wearing a miniskirt the length of a woman's belt and a crop top that was cut to her waist and her boobs falling out the bottom . . . we'd all be breaking our necks to get over there, in-line, to ask her dance.

Guys are guys . . . no matter waht you say . . . and if you say you wouldn't do this, you're full of BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can call me full of BS if you want but on my salsa nights all I care about is great dancing. The girl you described wouldn't attract my attention as a dancer...period.

Now if I was at one of those meat market clubs hanging with the guys she (not Pamela Lee, say Kate Beckensdale :lol: ) would catch my eye for sure.

[NeoDevin]

Now we just need a club that combines the meat market, and the good dancing... :D

[Vin]

Sorry to bust your bubble, but Pamela Anderson is ugly. Britney Spears on the other hand...

PS. Yes I do sometimes choose dance partners because they're good looking girls about my age, I'm not trying to deny that.
The other great thing about Britney is that she will be able to dance.

[mhgroove]

Attract men? As in what do we look for in a dance or in a woman?
I too agree that our opinions here will be bit on the unrealistic side as opposed to the regular man frequenting clubs. Most males only care to play “free-eels” (Free feels) with the ladies, hence going for the easier/sexier looking ladies. God, that reminds me that the other night, I extended my hand out to a lady for a dance and she grabbed it and rubbed it all over her road bumps. Man!!! YUCK!!!!! What up girl, stop drinking ( I didn’t know she was drinking until I smelled her breath)

I'm never one to believe that the leaders are the sole reason a woman sits the night out. If you look uninviting, you will sit there for the rest of the night.

I ask women who are obviously there to dance, and I don’t mean the ones sitting in the last seat against the back wall with her arms crossed with an “ I don’t want to be here face”. Make yourself inviting, move up next to the floor, show some life…

If you don’t have dance shoes on, or proper attire to dance with, you’ll be sitting all night. I’m here to dance not look at your sexy thigh-high dress and strap-less shoes.

If I see you dance, and you look like it is the last place you want to be on earth, I won’t be asking you to dance.

If you haven’t danced all night, I’m going to think that you might just be there for watching entertainment. How about taking the initiative and letting everyone know that you are ready to get it on…

Dancing community is very small, if you are snot, complain about leaders, are a rough follow, are a solo dancer, have horrible hygiene, Imma choose to stay away from you this night.

Don’t let me catch you having a new drink every time I look your way. You’ll be watching the rest of the night too.

If you are a shy person, then lets not blame others for the issues we have. This is about dancing, if you are as eager to dance as you say you are, then get up and do something about it. Don’t just sit there and complain with a mean face that no one dances with you, because you haven’t shown interest to dance with anyone either.

You can even do what shy girls do to me. They stand besides me and tap their feet, or walk around me until I get the hint that they want to dance with me. Gosh, why not just ask, what is all the pride/shyness about?


Boriken..that 1st paragraph in this post was too funny! I just laughed out loud when I read it.

I have to agree with Vince A...guys are guys! If there's a beautiful women..most men are going to want dance with her.

However, I like women who are approachable and wants to dance. Also, a woman who enjoys dancing, has a great attitude, and dress nicely.

[Genesius Redux]

I was at a studio where one unspoken expectation of the more advanced male students was that they'd be around to dance with the ladies at parties and would make the rounds. I was, in fact, introduced to a new student by one of the instructors at one point as "one of our more advanced males." I practically howled with laughter and said, "You make me sound like I'm in your breeding program."

My criteria--looks friendly, and looks like she won't fall and break her hip if we do a tuck turn. Dancing really is dancing for me. Footwear is really a key signal--but there's an open body language as well. Would I be falling over myself if some super model walked in, clambering to dance with her with all the desperation of the Average Joe? Not really. Because I'll tell you what, she's going to lean on my left arm, collapse her frame, insist on looking into my eyes on a waltz and everywhere else in a rumba, and spend the whole dance trying to stay in her slides and getting stepped on. That sounds like a nightmare.

Will I flirt with her *off the floor*? Maybe. That depends on whether she has anything interesting to talk about--but I don't think I'm going to be believed anyway!

[tsb]

boobs

in case of a water landing your partner can double as a flotation device. this of course is more relevant when the dance is on a plane or on the titanic. yes, it's late & i'm going to be drowsy during service tomorrow morning.

[Jack]

I'm not picky on who I ask to dance but, I do not ask a woman who is a lot more exp than I am at this point.maybe I should.

[cupojoe2]

I'm not picky on who I ask to dance but, I do not ask a woman who is a lot more exp than I am at this point.maybe I should.

I’m with Jack, I see the frustration in their eyes when I dance with advanced dancers… it makes me more nervous and more likely to screw up… :oops:

...but those close to my level seem more forgiving…

Now, on the other hand, if the woman asks me to dance, I don’t feel as nervous – I feel like they know what they are getting into… and are probably insured…. :wink:

[Bronzestudent]

As far as dancing goes, I'm more attracted to women that I am slightly intimidated by. If there's a girl who is obviously a great dancer, I think to myself "hey, she's really good, I want to dance with her." But I'm a little concerned because I don't want to goof on anything, and I want to give her the best dance I can, so it's a little intimidating. So I'm really attracted to skill and variety of moves on the floor (which has plenty to do with her leader too). The drawback is, until I actually know a little about the girl, and get in a couple decent dances with her, it's difficult to actually enjoy dancing with her. But it's eventually worth it.

[Sabor]

if i never seen her dance b4.. i would say its mostly here smile.. the one on her lips and more importantly the one in her eyes.. (i'm a good observer that way) .. on a dance floor i'm all senses .. my awareness increases many folds .. i notice every little thing to detail.. very exilirating :) .. enjoying the physical aspect is one thing.. the sensual is not that simple and easy.. its rarer.. more valuable .. value is what i like :P

[hobrien]

Need to get my input here,

Getting down to basics, in order of priority

1 Hygene; take a look in the mirror before you go out,
whould you want to dance with your equivalent, you should have fresh clothes, washed neat hair, be freshily showered, freshly flossed/brushed teeth(a real biggy for me!), smelling nice or smell free.

Really how important is it: VERY, I draw the line here.

2 Dancibility; Is she a good follower, does she grab me too tight, ok her skill plays a part here,

Really how important is it: Mmmm well 50/50, great if she is a good dancer, but I dance with beginneers on purpose too, I remember when I started, if a dancer danced with me it made my night !

2 Availibility; Yea it helps if she is "there",

Really how important is it: not so much, seriously though if I know her, and she is there I will wiggle my way in politely to get a dance.
If I dont know her but shes standing tapping her foot, ready centimeters from the dance floor edge then yes(as long as I feel the hygene issue is sorted).

If she is in the company of a guy who is not a dancer and obviously the current life partner, and who looks annoyed that they are there, then no (she should have left him at home).

If she is sitting down with arms folded looking grumpy, chances are small and slim, but it depends on the night and whos there. But as I said I always ask 2 or 3 beginners a night.

If she has been drinking more than a few.... no no.

If her name is Pamela Andersson, well if I spin her she is so top heavy she will fall over ! so no !. And if I was looking for meat I know where to go.

My personal ideal dance partner, well whe is as decribed above and about ten centimeters shorter than me, and slim (well I am a skinny guy of average height). She would also be latin looking, with longish but tied back hair. Well I can dream cant I !!! :) I am white and pale.
So would she dance with me.....well I can try and persuade her !

Sorry for the typos,

:bandit:

[goldfish]

couple of things from a girl's perspective: how good the girl looks on the floor (i watch follows too, and those that dance well no matter who the lead and seem to connect with every one in a fun, skillful way would be people i'd want to dance with if i lead!)

how much the girl dances. it seems the more someone dances, the more they get asked to dance. and the leads' familiarity with them. people will tend to ask people they know or friends cause it's comfortable

there were some leads that i always wanted to dance with but didn't have the nerve to ask directly cause they looked so good on the floor. so i took the easy way out and struck up conversations with them. so if you happen to be next to them when a song they want to dance to starts or they get their breath back ... :twisted: and once they dance with you once, it's easier for them to ask you again, and for you to ask them since they ice was broken

[goldfish]

I discovered I had a good reputation for choosing partners without any prejudice. This is becuase I still remember what its like to be a beginner and I'm happy to offer encouragement.

I still have my favourites, but I'll always watch out for the wall flowers who need persuading onto the dance floor.

this isn't really related to the thread, but i'm just starting out and leads like this make my night!! seriously, there's no thrill like dancing with someone who's really good and getting a taste of what you could get with some work. it's a big incentive to keep going and to work harder at it. my first time at a social event a couple of the advanced dancers (who habitually dance with nearly every newbie) sent me to heaven... :D just a shoutout all the leads who make the effort, three cheers it rocks!

[delamusica]

I'm not picky on who I ask to dance but, I do not ask a woman who is a lot more exp than I am at this point.maybe I should.

You should! Whenever I ask any of the newbie guys at the studio to dance, it's like pulling teeth! I don't mind just doing some basics for a song if it a) gives me a chance to meet new people and b) will give them some confidence. And really, sometimes it's nice just to do things that are simple for a bit. :)

[JohnK]

Body language is key - it can be read from across the room (with a decision made) in a fleeting glance. If a lady is frowning and/or has the arms crossed thing going on, or is facing away from the floor yakking with girlfirends, potential partners won't even come close.

The closer a lady is to the floor, the more it appears she wants to dance. In addition, the more in the room's "traffic pattern" a lady is, the more likely guys will be within verbal (ie ask) range. If a potential partner is approaching, a lady should make and maintain eye contact - this usually jams a guy's "search radar" (if he hasn't already "locked on" to someone else) and redirects his attention. It also provides reassuring confirmation that the woman is interested in dancing. It helps to remember guys like being rejected about as much as ladies do, so the more available and interested a woman appears, the more likely she will be asked.

I find it hard to believe that any woman would need to be told this, but nice clothes, attractive grooming, and fitness are very positive components of body language as well. Accentuate the positive.

[KevinL]

Does anyone have anything else to add?

Kevin

[DancePoet]

Typically I dance at the social dances provided by the studio where I take lessons. Therefore I know most of the folks that show up from week to week, and I try to ask as many as possible across the scope of the evening. I want people to have fun and return. This way our dance community grows!

Certainly I will think twice about dancing with someone who has smokers breath or may not be neat and clean, but this rarely happens at the studio's dances.

When I attend a social dance elsewhere, I tend to be more picky. Dancing with people I know is how I start the evening. The further the evening moves along the more I branch out and ask other folks. This usually involves observing appearance, approachability, and skill levels.

Probably in most situations, it is my judge of their attitude that is most important. You can be neat and clean, very approachable, and be a great dancer, but if your attitude tends to be negative, egotisical, unaccepting of those who may not be as skilled as you, this will show. I may not ask, and if I discover this on the first dance, then I may not be asking again soon. Thankfully this has been rare.

[Sagitta]

Good to hear that the negative experiences have been rare DancePoet!! Attitudes are one thing that tend to give me an attitude too!

[Jana]

From what I gather from the limited amount of social dancing I've done, is that often people will only dance with someone they know or will stay in a specific group. Yes, I know, it reminds a person of their high school days where the boys were on one side and the girls on the other. And the girls would hope that some guy would find them attractive and "cool" enough to dance with. Unfortunately, that mentality can exist in social dancing, especially where the dancers are under 30. Usually, after that, people start to realize that they will never know who the really good dancers are until they venture out and ask other women to dance. And it works both ways. There's no reason why women can't ask men to dance. A woman should not be intimidated by someone asking her husband/boyfriend to dance. If she has a problem with that, then SHE IS THE PROBLEM! Obviously, if the woman doesn't want to relinquish another woman's significant other, then that needs to be clarified. But we are talking about dancing with someone, not sleeping with someone! Any teacher will tell their student that the best way to be a good dancer is to dance with many different people. Yes, some may try your patience but you may also be pleasantly surprised to find that the man or woman who doesn't "look like much" may end up being someone you'll want to dance with. However, if a person goes to a particular studio, club, etc. where ballroom dancing is held and finds that the people seem to be unwelcoming, then simply find another place to dance. And let the management of that place know about your feelings. Nothing like word of mouth to make these places take action to encourage more attendance.

[etchuck]

Darn... it's too bad I didn't catch the Pamela Anderson/Britney Spears part of the discussion earlier. Britney is at least coordinated to do some dancing. Pamela... okay, is coordinated in a different way according to the video tape.

I certainly agree that women shouldn't be afraid to ask men to dance, but I will admit that they'll probably ask the men they know. The reason is that if you don't know the man, it is possible the man would take the request as more than just an invitation to dance. And we all know that "creepy guy" at every dance.

On the other hand, it is definitely a turn-on if a woman asks me to dance. Of course, if the person looks like Pamela Anderson or Britney Spears, that's even better. ;)

[DancePoet]

I'll pick Geraldine Rojas (a real tango dancer) over those other two any night!

And as for other celebraties... how about Nicole Kidman, or Renee Zellweger, or Catherine Zeta-Jones, or Julieanne Moore, all much better then Anderson or Spears. (It must be late, I'm weakening to the point of comparing woman while it has nothing to do with the question at hand. Time for bed!)

[etchuck]

Hmmm... I can certainly go with dancing with Renee.