Dance Slave : The story (Please Read)

[danceslave]

I wrote this story about a year ago, and it's not a story about just ME, but more a story I was writing for and about the people I danced with. The title of the story came before the name, so let's just say after i wrote the story, I was like hmmm i like this title, I'm gonna call myself that.

I'd love to get your opinions and criticism on it. Creative or Technical. Whatever you have to say would be appreciated. I still have to work on it. I just found a hard copy of it after loosing all my files on my computer. So I'm really psyched and i just typed it back up.. okay enough of my blabbing here it is


-edited-

[pygmalion]

Hi danceslave. Great story. What kind of feedback do you want? Surface? In depth? Tone? Grammar? Impact?

[DanceMentor]

You paint the scene and the mood of the character nicely. It seems you are writing a book or story, no? That's awesome. Maybe you could have a column here, and update the story each week. I would be glad to help you.

I noticed a few words past "Standing in her underwear..." there seems to be a word missing.

Thanks,
david

[danceslave]

Hi danceslave. Great story. What kind of feedback do you want? Surface? In depth? Tone? Grammar? Impact?every and any... would be great..thanks

[danceslave]

You paint the scene and the mood of the character nicely. It seems you are writing a book or story, no? That's awesome. Maybe you could have a column here, and update the story each week. I would be glad to help you.

I noticed a few words past "Standing in her underwear..." there seems to be a word missing.

Thanks,
davidthank you! yes there's definitely some stuff missing..i'll fix it