Advice on asking ladies to dance.

[danceguy]

As a novice dancer with about 7 months of dance experience under my belt, I've finally reached a point where I'm no longer shy about asking women to dance. So in an effort to help and encourage other new leads, I've decide to compose some notes and ideas that people may find useful.

ScorpionGuy's Tips on Asking Women to dance.

1. Follow all the basic rules for hygiene and cleanliness. These shouldn't recquire explanation, but if they do then you're a lost cause.

2. Always attend the before dance lessons when you go out dancing. It gives you a chance to break the ice and get to know people. Be polite, introduce yourself and you may find asking someone you meet here easier later on.

3. Another sneaky trick at the lessons is to try and be dancing with the lady you want to ask right before the lessons end. That way, once its time to hit the floor, she's already right in front of you! Ask away! :)

4. Spend a few dances checking out some possible dance partners. Sometimes you will see a lady close to the floor waiting very patiently to be asked to dance. You may see her dance with any guy who asks, even some sleazeball drunk! So, you've got a good chance there, especially if you are a sleazeball (and let's hope you are not).

5. Learn from others mistakes. Keep an eye on how many guys get turned down by a particular lady. If you see her turning guys away one after the other, don't follow suit or you'll end up just like them. She's probably married anyway.

6. Every dance venue has a group of regular leads that I call "the wolf pack." If there is a shortage of ladies, then these voracious predators will be after the women like no tomorrow and you'll be left standing there like a moron with no one to dance with. Watch how these guys work, and soon you'll learn their pattern. If you're very clever and quick enough you can beat them to the punch, but you have to be fast!

7. The only way to get over your fear of asking, is to ASK! I've found that most women, even the ones you think would never want to dance with you will say yes. So swallow your pride, be a man and get out there and ask em'!

8. Keep your eyes focused up high when asking a lady to dance. There's plenty of time to sneak a quick peek later on, especially when her head is turned. Be aware though, that most women have a very highented 6th sense so be careful. Even the most humble gentlemen do this, any man who says he doesn't is a filthy liar.

9. Always say yes when a lady asks you to dance. Since women don't ask as often, it takes more courage for them to do so when they do ask you (don't worry, its quite a rare occurance).

10. Don't forget to smile. :P

[Sagitta]

8. Keep your eyes focused up high when asking a lady to dance. There's plenty of time to sneak a quick peek later on, especially when her head is turned. Be aware though, that most women have a very highented 6th sense so be careful. Even the most humble gentlemen do this, any man who says he doesn't is a filthy liar.

Then call me a filthy lier!! I look at a person's entire body. For instance, if she is sitting down I may bow, put my hand out, smile and ask her if I can have a dance. The way a person responds, including entire body language, is an important indicator of how we will dance, irrespective of how she says yes.

Each person is beautiful in their own unique way. I am open but not "dirty" or "sleazy". I find nothing wrong with beauty and if it is in the form of a peron, then admiring a person. I have had a few neagative reactions, but these are usually from insecure poeple. I don't sneak peek etc. That's shameful. It implies that there is something taboo, something that shouldn't be done. If it shouldn't and you feel that way then you should learn to control yourself. That's my opinion, anyway.

[bordertangoman]

ladies should wear a litle bit of glittery jewelry around their neck that sits nicely around the sterno clavicular notch. This gives us gents somewhere to look!! :wink:

I do recall a well endowed young lady with a low cut top and I didn't know where to look!

[ShyDancer]

Oh ScorpionGuy!!!!

You had me roaring with laughter with rule #8!!
I have to admit Im a big fan of wearing slogan T's, and I do have several :roll: So Im forever noticing the roving male eye! But to be honest it doesnt bother me all that much, boys will be boys! And for that matter girls will be girls.....although we are much less likely to be caught doing it! Im not one for double standard so I cant let it bother me!

bordertangoman...... Its not only males that get caught out! There is this one paticular young man at my studio who quite a few of us younger girls dont mind having a dance with. I had just finished a dance with him and walked over to my friends to brag (as you do!) only not noticing he was right behind me wanting to ask for another dance...I explained in great deatil how handy it was to be able to watch his rear in the mirrors...completely forgetting to notice my own , which is right where he was standing :oops: :oops: :oops: SHAME

That was definantly a fun readScorpionGuy! I love a good sense of humor :wink: :wink:

[salsachinita]

Somehow you just knew I had to say something :wink: , didn't you, SG?

6. Every dance venue has a group of regular leads that I call "the wolf pack." If there is a shortage of ladies, then these voracious predators will be after the women like no tomorrow and you'll be left standing there like a moron with no one to dance with. Watch how these guys work, and soon you'll learn their pattern. If you're very clever and quick enough you can beat them to the punch, but you have to be fast!

AND you have to be confident, but not obnoxious. one of the attractive 'alpha' ("wolf pack") traits is that he DOESN'T expect a rejection (but he can take one with style :wink: should he get rejected)

7. The only way to get over your fear of asking, is to ASK! I've found that most women, even the ones you think would never want to dance with you will say yes. So swallow your pride, be a man and get out there and ask em'!

Ok, in contrast to what I just said, be aware that you have a 50/50 chance of her saying 'yes'. Should you get a 'no', don't let it bother you (& wreck your morale for the rest of the night)........just go to the next one.

8. Keep your eyes focused up high when asking a lady to dance. There's plenty of time to sneak a quick peek later on, especially when her head is turned. Be aware though, that most women have a very highented 6th sense so be careful. Even the most humble gentlemen do this, any man who says he doesn't is a filthy liar.

Maybe it's just me, but competent salseras tend to be hams. They don't mind being 'checked out' most of the time 8) (ok, you can look but you can't sleaze...). We sometimes blow kisses back (to the guys who get caught checking us out :P )!

9. Always say yes when a lady asks you to dance. Since women don't ask as often, it takes more courage for them to do so when they do ask you (don't worry, its quite a rare occurance).

Oh guys, DO say 'YES'!!.......You just knew that I would debate this one about women being the asker, huh :wink: ?....... If you look like you are having fun out there with your partners, chances are, they WILL ask you!

I just wanna add one more thing.......guys, once you get past the 'initiation' of a newbie (ie. you're competent by now, have a good understanding of rhythms/music, comfortable in leading whatever you know, starting to have fun.....) it pays to start developing your own styles (ok, within reasons......nothing too crazy).

Cookie cutter dancers who are experts at repeating 'advanced' stuff from their classes eventualy merge into the background. It's the ones with their own 'sabor' (flava!) that stand out. I am personally drawn to these salseros like you wouldn't believe :D !

[youngsta]

4. Spend a few dances checking out some possible dance partners. Sometimes you will see a lady close to the floor waiting very patiently to be asked to dance. You may see her dance with any guy who asks, even some sleazeball drunk! So, you've got a good chance there, especially if you are a sleazeball (and let's hope you are not).
Sorry man, I don't have time to stand around checking out potential partners...I am there to dance remember :D ...unless a Merengue comes on! :wink:

[NeoDevin]

8. Keep your eyes focused up high when asking a lady to dance.


So this is what I've been doing wrong all along :shock:

[Vince A]

I believe that there are only three of these that I do . . I could care less about the other ones . . .

#1 A must do! I agree . . .
#2 No need to break the ice, you're just dancing, asn you don't have to intro yourself!
#3 Nah . . .
#4 Waste your time "checking" women out??? No way . . . get on the floor!
#5 More waste of time!!!!!!
#6 Ever heard the term . . . Hungry Like A Wolf? Well, after they spend so much time playing their game . . . after the dance, they all get to go "eat breakfast together at Denny's because they didn't dance to prove who they really could. "Don't need no stinkin' macho game!"
#7 Agree . . . just ask . . . and if they turn you down . . look at them right square in the eye, and ask them, "Why are you being so picky . . . I wasn't." J/K . . . although I have used it before!
#8 If they are wearing a very low cut top that reveals a good portion of their boobs . . for goodness sakes . . look at them - the boobs - you are not blind . . . she shouldn't show them off if she doesn't want anyone to look at them! You don't have to stare for 5 minutes, nor do you need to drool, but a quick glance and a quick look back to her eyes says a lot guys. Sometimes it works . . . sometimes it doesn't.
#9 Agree . . .
$10 Agree . . .

[bordertangoman]

There was a TV programme about two girls from Liverpool and in the theme music there was a short snippet of dialogue which went:
male: "Yer dancin'?"
female "Yer asking?"
male "I'm asking"
female "I'm dancing"

ah the age of chivalry is dead.........

[danceguy]

Sagitta - LIAR! :snake: :ladiesma: :snake:

ShyDancer - Thank you for appreciating my sense of humor and for being honest! I think its quite interesting what both genders do to admire others, some are discreet, others aren't! But both certainly do try and deny it. :P

Salsachinita - No worries there, I'm not a wolf, I'm a tiger! *grrr!* *hiss!*
Most guys just need to get over their fears of asking, we'll all get rejected, left on the floor or have a bad dance and then regret asking, but the good dances make up for all of it. :wink:

Sorry man, I don't have time to stand around checking out potential partners...I am there to dance remember ...unless a Merengue comes on!

I should have been more specific, apologies youngsta! You only do this when a Merengue comes on, or any song that you don't want to dance to. :D

Vince - This is geared towards beginners and shy guys who usually sit and wait for "sympathy dances." How long have you been dancing again? :wink:

[pygmalion]

Good point, SG. Your tips are great, I think, for shy guys.

There's really no right or wrong way. I remember a couple years ago, I took an assertive communication skills for women class. What a hoot. I sat at the table with two VERY ASSERTIVE women, who kept coming up with these (from my point of view) hopelessly aggressive scripts for handling work and life situations. And I just couldn't say that stuff and be believable. What worked for them just didn't work for me -- I'm no doormat, but I'm not aggressive either.

Anyway, back on point. The way you ask ladies to dance depends, not on some absolute right or wrong, but on who YOU are, and the situation on the ground the day you're doing the asking. Good stuff, SG.

And you have a great sense of humor, btw. :wink: :D

[Hank]

Asking women to dance is not a science that I can distill for you in a few pithy sentences; it is an art. Like all artists, we only attain greatness through pain, sacrifice, and suffering. You must leave your band of brothers, brave the world of women, and endure the thousand tiny cuts of rejection. Each will seem like death itself, but reborn will you be, like the phoenix from the ashes, ready to strive - and fail - again. Only then will you be a man.

Once you can snatch the pebble from my hand, grasshopper, it will be time for you to go.

[Vince A]

Jenn reiterated my point!

[bordertangoman]

okay; once you get in there; pay her a compliment however bad a dancer she is. Most people resond better to encouragement than criticism and if you say something nice about her even if she has three left feet (what's she's wearing, her perfume, her hair, or whatever she'll remember you next time there's a dance.) Don't lie. :twisted:

[Estella]

Scorpionguy I think the best way is just go and ASK a lady ..... without thinking a lot! :wink:
If you´re thinking too long there will be always someone who is FASTER! :lol:

[danceguy]

You're right Estella, I have learned this the hard way. :D

I never so much as set foot on a dance floor until just a few months ago, so I had many years of inhibitions and shyness to get over. Part of the reason I made this post was to laugh at some of the methods I used to get over this shyness. While I've included some humor, there is a lot of truth to it as well.

One of my favorite new methods is to always sit near the club entrance, and as soon as a lady walks in, go up and ask her before anyone even notices she is there. I did this the other day, and the woman hadn't even taken her coat off yet, heh heh! :P

Of course she was really difficult to lead, but she was also quite attractive so I guess that made up for it. :wink:

[vey]

Scorpionguy, your Tips on Asking Women to dance are hilarious! :lol: :lol: :lol: Thank you for a good laugh! I’ve also really enjoyed the writing style you’ve chosen for this piece.
This is too funny... and very true as well.

Although I agree that the best way to ask a person to dance is to ask, for those of us (including myself) who tend to intellectualize and analyze everything, observations and humor are necessary tools to deal with reality and to overcome shyness...

[ShyDancer]

I think its quite interesting what both genders do to admire others, some are discreet, others aren't! But both certainly do try and deny it.

I dont know why people deny it! I dont think you would be human if you didnt enjoy a peek at the opposite sex every now and then!

Just so happens that dancing provides close contact with lots and lots of the opposite sex. therefore giving you a fairly decent menu to look over :lol: :lol:

On Topic though, I think Just a simple smile and a "would you like to dance?" is enough. I know I hate a forceful guy..thats a clear signal that they are overstrong in their lead in my experience. There is nothing worse that being shoved around the floor with very little control over your own moves .. I cant wait for the dance to be over, then you go and share with your friends how bad this guy is, then no one will dance with you!

[MacMoto]

Scorpionguy I think the best way is just go and ASK a lady ..... without thinking a lot! :wink:
If you´re thinking too long there will be always someone who is FASTER! :lol:

I second that.
Since I go to clubs to dance rather than to meet people, I hardly ever say no, so it's the case of first come, first served! I think most of the women who frequent the places I go to are the same.
Going to clubs that attract dancers rather than socialisers (if there's such a word) in the first place is another tip to keep in mind.

[youngsta]

Scorpionguy I think the best way is just go and ASK a lady ..... without thinking a lot! :wink:
If you´re thinking too long there will be always someone who is FASTER! :lol:
Ding Ding Ding!!!

[danceguy]

Hey now, stop rubbing it in will you! :P :? :P

[NeoDevin]

:rubbing it in more:

[danceguy]

Shut it, boy! Don't make me come to Canada and shame you in front of your 14 year old girlfriends. :wink:

[SDsalsaguy]

Shut it, boy! Don't make me come to Canada and shame you in front of your 14 year old girlfriends. :wink:
Has it been that long already? :shock:

Last I herad they were 12! :tongue:

[NeoDevin]

Last I herad they were 12! :tongue:

I never told you guys about her.... er... um... forget I said that... ;)

[TheArchon]

Wow, it takes you all that planning just to ask a girl for a dance :?: :?: :?

I wonder how much time it takes you to ask them out on a date... :roll:

I just pick a girl that looks nice, or one that i know, and dance with'em.

I'm hardly refused, but last satuarday, there was a really good looking girl, that said no to everyone that asked her for a dance, including me, so i just talked with her a bit, put a smile on her face, and she danced with me all evening...

[danceguy]

Wow, it takes you all that planning just to ask a girl for a dance

I wonder how much time it takes you to ask them out on a date...

Now now, no need for judgement here...we all learn and grow at different levels, as we all have our own unique paths in life.

I'll let your rude comment pass, have a little heart my friend. :wink:

[TheArchon]

I'm just teasing you(maybe into action), the first time I've built enough courage to ask a girl out, was only at the age of 21...

I guess asking a girl for a dance and asking her out, both require courage, but always look on the whole picture, what the hell i've got to lose, and what can i gain, if the lose/gain rating was the same at the stock exchange, i would have put all my money there...

[dragon3085]

MOst of the guys I know have no problem asking the lady. Its the being told no part they don't handle to well. Us guys, we have very delicate egos. :twisted:
Seriously though most of us advanced dancers usually have to school the newer guys in the fine art of how not to think your gonna be struck dead if a girl tells you know. Otherwise when we have our school outings and go to a latin with about 250 girls to choose from, they give up after 3 trys.

[TemptressToo]

Yep, "just do it" is my advice. Unless of course, your regular dance hall/class/whatever is really cliquey (I've heard groups like this exist). In which case, you may be shunned.

As for me, my first trip to swing dancing...I was dressed well in a cute swingy outfit. Everyone wanted to twirl me. :)

[pygmalion]

Hi TemptressToo! Welcome. :D