What attributes of men attract women at a social dance?

[brujo]

Had to be asked...

[Swing Kitten]

not holding a beer

[dancin_feet]

Competent lead and a sexy little hip sway doesn't go astray either!!

[salsachinita]

Confident but not obnoxious 8) !

Suave but not sleazy.

Enjoying the dance & love women's company (not using them as organic dance apparatus or objects of fantasy.......you get my drift).

Completely at ease in the environment, wherever that might be.

[pepe]

I join the dancenewsletter Forum at

http://www.dancenewsletter.com/phpbb/viewforum.php?f=2&sid=8cb9d2e4d0213ec33424e91b2e52cefe

that is unfortunately dead and new. They asked the similar question. I wonder what would be the result although they joke. Guys always look for new cool figures (one reason I guess, to impress her). I think women dont care at all.
I am actually disappointed to see that some handsome and quite "touchy" mail dancers are very "popular" (the one I have in mind looks very boring to me and disrespectful toward own girlfriend).
Well, ok, maybe I am jealous to his popularity :)
So girls please tell us.

not holding a beer

I like this one :D

[volleybgrl]

Confident but not obnoxious 8) !

Suave but not sleazy.

You hit this one on the head. A smile here and there doesn't hurt. Also, someone who looks like he's out to have fun...all of which are displayed both on and off the dance floor.

[borikensalsero]

Let me see what I look for in a hunk when I go out with my skirt and hight heels. Hmmmm, hmmmm... Hmmmm.... Hmmmm... I think I'm still looking....

[pygmalion]

Hmm. Not sure. The really handsome guys, I generally don't ask to dance -- I know I'm prejudiced here, but I've run into too many jumbo sized egos not to be cautious. The showy dancers, I definitely don't ask -- I want a good dancer, not a show-off. So I'm still thinking. I guess I ask two types of guys to dance. The shy/new/not-so-great dancers who need encouragement. And the solid technique, understated but darn good dancers, for my dancing pleasure. :wink: 8)

[peachexploration]

Let me see what I look for in a hunk when I go out with my skirt and hight heels. Hmmmm, hmmmm... Hmmmm.... Hmmmm... I think I'm still looking....
:lol: :lol:

I love it when a guy has:
Confidence, not arrogance
Passionate movement, not sleaziness
Respect for women in general
Taken the time to be well groomed

A big turnoff is a guy saying to me "Let me lead" before we even start dancing or before he has even seen me dance! Dude, we already know what your role is, get over yourself! :evil: (She says as she leaves him on the dance floor......)

[Vince A]

A big turnoff is a guy saying to me "Let me lead" before we even start dancing or before he has even seen me dance! Dude, we already know what your role is, get over yourself! :evil: (She says as she leaves him on the dance floor......)
I'm proud of you for leaving him alone on the dance floor. I loathe individuals like that . . .
After asking her to dance, I once had a young lady do a very similar thing, saying "I want to lead, do you follow?"
Why didn't she ask another female to dance to WCS? However, I danced with her and was able to practice my French Crosses a lot, and, when I hi-jacked her, she didn't like it, again saying (like a spoiled child) "I want to lead, I said."

Gr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r . . . I've never danced with her again!

[borikensalsero]

A big turnoff is a guy saying to me "Let me lead" before we even start dancing or before he has even seen me dance! Dude, we already know what your role is, get over yourself! :evil: (She says as she leaves him on the dance floor......)
I'm proud of you for leaving him alone on the dance floor. I loathe individuals like that . . .
After asking her to dance, I once had a young lady do a very similar thing, saying "I want to lead, do you follow?"
Why didn't she ask another female to dance to WCS? However, I danced with her and was able to practice my French Crosses a lot, and, when I hi-jacked her, she didn't like it, again saying (like a spoiled child) "I want to lead, I said."

Gr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r . . . I've never danced with her again!


Good for you Vince!!! Such dancers are such a turn offfff...

[vey]

The really handsome guys, I generally don't ask to dance -- I know I'm prejudiced here, but I've run into too many jumbo sized egos not to be cautious.
I'm exactly the same way, Jenn! (Poor poor handsome guys :lol: )

The shy/new/not-so-great dancers who need encouragement. 50% of guys I ask fall into this "shy" category (the other 50% are the guys I know). There are two reasons for this: (1) I'm shy beginner myself and most of the times I feel uncomfortable imposing myself on experienced dancers, unless they ask me; (2) I like to facilitate (especially at socials) a kind of environment where as many people as possible are enjoying themselves instead of struggling with their insecurities...

Some of my shy invitees (is there such a word? :shock: ) turn out to be good dancers! (I got my best so far bachata dance that way!)

[NeoDevin]

I'm proud of you for leaving him alone on the dance floor. I loathe individuals like that . . .
After asking her to dance, I once had a young lady do a very similar thing, saying "I want to lead, do you follow?"
Why didn't she ask another female to dance to WCS? However, I danced with her and was able to practice my French Crosses a lot, and, when I hi-jacked her, she didn't like it, again saying (like a spoiled child) "I want to lead, I said."

Gr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r . . . I've never danced with her again!

So she asked you to follow, you agreed, and then hijacked her lead? Wouldn't you be upset if she was following and tried to hijack you? While a little out of the ordinary, it doesn't seem to me that she's rude for either asking you to follow, or getting upset when you hijacked her.

[Vince A]

I'm proud of you for leaving him alone on the dance floor. I loathe individuals like that . . .
After asking her to dance, I once had a young lady do a very similar thing, saying "I want to lead, do you follow?"
Why didn't she ask another female to dance to WCS? However, I danced with her and was able to practice my French Crosses a lot, and, when I hi-jacked her, she didn't like it, again saying (like a spoiled child) "I want to lead, I said."

Gr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r . . . I've never danced with her again!

So she asked you to follow, you agreed, and then hijacked her lead? Wouldn't you be upset if she was following and tried to hijack you? While a little out of the ordinary, it doesn't seem to me that she's rude for either asking you to follow, or getting upset when you hijacked her.
Hell no . . . I don't mind if she hijacks me! In fact, I seek out women that do . . . . . . . and, I didn't mention the word rude . . . I said she acted "like a spoiled child." Rude, she wasn't!

[NeoDevin]

Ok, fair enough then :)

Though I might add, that as a relatively beginner lead myself, it is very difficult to respond to someone hijacking you. You're thinking about how to lead, and then all of the sudden you have to respond to someone else's lead. I had it happen once... her toes regretted it ;).

I don't know though, I guess her tone and attitude would make a big difference in the situation.

[Vince A]

Ok, fair enough then :)

Though I might add, that as a relatively beginner lead myself, it is very difficult to respond to someone hijacking you. You're thinking about how to lead, and then all of the sudden you have to respond to someone else's lead. I had it happen once... her toes regretted it ;).
That's too funny.

However, that is what makes dancing. The unexpected fun. And if you are not dancing for fun, you need to make it fun! Being playful on the floor . . . not doing the move as expected . . . changing it midstream . . . doing syncopations with your footwork instead of just repeating 1, 2, 3 and 4, 5 and 6 (for example) . . . bring her down for a right-side pass, and as you are just about to turn her, you place your hand and her tummy and guide her straight back to where she just stepped from . . . dip her when she least expects it . . . let her dip you,when you least expect it (it's happened to me).

Playing is what it's all about . . . that is . . . unless you're in the middle of a competition . . . then you want to do your routine!

[ShyDancer]

I tend to watch how the man makes the lady feel out on the floor....

If I see the lady enjoying herself, Im happy to have the next dance with him.
If I see the lady pushed and shoved around while the man is showing off its a big turn off.

I also prefer a guy who is friendly... some one not out to "pick up"
A guy who dances with everyone regardless of experience and who is glad to dance at you level, being still relatively new myslef this is a big thing for me.
Age has very little if anything to do with it.

[TemptressToo]

I pretty much give anyone a chance. However, having watched most men at our local swing dances dance...I know which ones I won't have fun dancing with.

For me, I really appreciate somebody that is a good leader. And personality is a good bonus. I sometimes get a bit nervous dancing with people that are really good (like have been doing it for years) whereas I have only been at it for a few months.

[peachexploration]

Welcome to the DF TemptressToo!

[TemptressToo]

Thank you! Just so you all know...I'm a swing lover. Specifically East Coaast...I don't much like West Coast. Some ballroom is okay as well (I love to foxtrot).

My dance background includes jazz and ballet training.

That's me in a nutshell.

[Sagitta]

And a second warm welcome to DF TemptressToo!! :D An interesting name...

How did you come up with it? You can see how a lot of us came up with ours in the posting name (http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=949) thread.

[hopelessly_addicted]

Assuming that we're talking about strangers, I look for men with good set of basic steps (not excessive hip movements). Then I'd probably look at the girl that he's dancing with to see if she's smiling.

I tend not to ask guys who only dance with blond bombshells :lol:

[africana]

I actually go for the lookers ;) but mostly if they look self-assured and confident. Guys tend to pick the "best" looking gals so why can't I reciprocate? Of course the looks must be backed up by skill

And many times it's his confidence/skill/attitude that makes him attractive, not necessarily his physical attributes

[Breathe]

It's definitely all about the lead - sometimes when a guy is "showing off," I find it to be because of the skill level he perceives in his partner. If his partner gives him no tone or knows very little of the dance at hand (or at feet as the case may be...or even under foot...hmm....), I've seen some very good leads I know show off quite a bit and the follow sits there smiling with a dumbfounded look on his or her face. Throw in a few basic moves here or there and the follow will have a wonderful time knowing that they look great even though they have no idea what they're doing.

Out of curiosity, what moves do you suggest that leads do that ignore the follows? Most moves I can think of off the top of my head (not including international moves) give equal performance time to the lead and the follow. Salsa is perhaps an exception, as the lead is quite exaggerated, but other than that I'm not sure.

Oh, and personally, I find it a thrill when a really good lead accessorizes me. There really isn't anything like being thrown around and having your feet follow faster than your head can.

Why all the hating on the hip movements? What qualifies as excessive? Guys who can move their hips are sexy...it's the ones who don't know their body well enough to move it that scare me off.

[Ron Obvious]

I actually go for the lookers ;) but mostly if they look self-assured and confident. Guys tend to pick the "best" looking gals so why can't I reciprocate? Of course the looks must be backed up by skill

And many times it's his confidence/skill/attitude that makes him attractive, not necessarily his physical attributes

I don't go for looks, sometimes I even prefer 'pigs in high heels' or older ladies, because I'm less nervous when dancing with such people.

[Twilight_Elena]

I never ask men. Never ever. I am too embarassed. :oops: But what I like in a lead is: a) beautiful dancing in its simplicity and most of all b) that he understands I'm a beginner and respects it!

Twilight Elena

[Sagitta]

I never ask men. Never ever. I am too embarassed. :oops: But what I like in a lead is: a) beautiful dancing in its simplicity and most of all b) that he understands I'm a beginner and respects it!

Twilight Elena

That's ok TE. I'll ask you if I come to Greece. :wink: :)

[hopelessly_addicted]

Salsa is perhaps an exception, as the lead is quite exaggerated, but other than that I'm not sure.

What do you meant by the lead being exaggerated? :?


Why all the hating on the hip movements? What qualifies as excessive? Guys who can move their hips are sexy...it's the ones who don't know their body well enough to move it that scare me off.

I do not hate hip movements! I LOVE hip movements done well and they come in a more subtle movements I guess 8)

WHat I meant by "excessive" hip movements are I guess what you meant by hip movements done by those who don't know how to move. For me, they way men do their hip movements and the basic steps are good indications of their experience.. or an indication of at least I'd have a good time doing some basics with him if all else fails. More importantly, I am talking about leads in the context of salsa.. I guess for ballroom, really pronounced hip movements are the way it's done..

Oh, and personally, I find it a thrill when a really good lead accessorizes me. There really isn't anything like being thrown around and having your feet follow faster than your head can.

I used to like when a guy would put a show using me when I just started off salsa. Now, I don't like being "accessorised" but rather, like to be the centre of his focus 8)

[SuzieQ]

Someone who makes the effort to adapt to their follower's (lower) level and makes them feel special while they are dancing with them--their attention is on the follower, not looking around the floor for their next partner. Not showing off their with advanced moves that the follower can't keep up with.

Somone who smiles at me and puts me at ease.

Sexy is nice but not at the expense of a good lead.

I agree with the point about hi-jacking and having fun--especially in WCS. It's taken me a long time to learn to do it, and it's fun to dance with someone who understands the concept and will let me play.

[Nik]

interesting thread.

[randomMysh]

Musicality.

Ability to establish a connection with the follower.

Ability to let the follow express herself.
This one is very common in WCS, but sadly is largely missing in ballroom. As soon as the guy gets any good, he gets into this "I am the leader, you are the follower, so follow, dammit!" mode. There are exceptions, of course, but few and far between. *sigh*

Calm. It's so hard to follow a guy when he's nervous.

Enjoyment. With lot of guys you can just hear the little wheels inside their heads turning, trying to come up with some 'cool" move to lead. I don't care how cool your moves are! If a guy leads the same five moves, but he's having fun, I'm having fun too.

[Twilight_Elena]

I never ask men. Never ever. I am too embarassed. :oops: But what I like in a lead is: a) beautiful dancing in its simplicity and most of all b) that he understands I'm a beginner and respects it!

Twilight Elena

That's ok TE. I'll ask you if I come to Greece. :wink: :)

... I had a feeling you'd say that. :wink: :D

Twilight Elena

[etchuck]

Okay... I'm awake... I'm awake...


Ability to let the follow express herself.
This one is very common in WCS, but sadly is largely missing in ballroom. As soon as the guy gets any good, he gets into this "I am the leader, you are the follower, so follow, dammit!" mode. There are exceptions, of course, but few and far between. *sigh*


Well, WCS and salsa allow moments where the follow can shine and show off. Ballroom/Latin is a bit more stingy about that. That's probably why ballroomers in general (but probably not on this forum :wink: ) have difficulty with WCS and salsa. One of my favorite women dancers [ballroom/Latin] hates WCS because she doesn't know what to do when I put her into a shine position. Of course, I say, "Do whatever you want to," and she can't handle that. She just sorta stands there and says to me, "I hate this dance [WCS]."

So I guess if the occasion allows itself, make sure you ask me. Many other women do. :)

[Twilight_Elena]

Well, WCS and salsa allow moments where the follow can shine and show off. Ballroom/Latin is a bit more stingy about that. That's probably why ballroomers in general (but probably not on this forum :wink: ) have difficulty with WCS and salsa. One of my favorite women dancers [ballroom/Latin] hates WCS because she doesn't know what to do when I put her into a shine position. Of course, I say, "Do whatever you want to," and she can't handle that. She just sorta stands there and says to me, "I hate this dance [WCS]."

I don't understand why everybody has got to know how to shine. If you're used to being led and you're suddenly asked to do "whatever you want", chances are you won't know what to do! Whatever you want... that's pretty vague, isn't it? I'm pretty sure most of the salseros/as we know learnt how to do shines from a pro. Sure, there are some who were "born to dance" or something. But we're all required, it seems to me, to have IT, where IT is some sort of divine freestyle quality.
I'll go rant about this at a seperate thread...

Twilight Elena

[Sagitta]

Well, WCS and salsa allow moments where the follow can shine and show off. Ballroom/Latin is a bit more stingy about that. That's probably why ballroomers in general (but probably not on this forum :wink: ) have difficulty with WCS and salsa. One of my favorite women dancers [ballroom/Latin] hates WCS because she doesn't know what to do when I put her into a shine position. Of course, I say, "Do whatever you want to," and she can't handle that. She just sorta stands there and says to me, "I hate this dance [WCS]."

I don't understand why everybody has got to know how to shine. If you're used to being led and you're suddenly asked to do "whatever you want", chances are you won't know what to do! Whatever you want... that's pretty vague, isn't it? I'm pretty sure most of the salseros/as we know learnt how to do shines from a pro. Sure, there are some who were "born to dance" or something. But we're all required, it seems to me, to have IT, where IT is some sort of divine freestyle quality.
I'll go rant about this at a seperate thread...

Twilight Elena

Nope. No pros needed as there probably are free clips on the web. :wink: :)

[etchuck]

Well, WCS and salsa allow moments where the follow can shine and show off. Ballroom/Latin is a bit more stingy about that. That's probably why ballroomers in general (but probably not on this forum :wink: ) have difficulty with WCS and salsa. One of my favorite women dancers [ballroom/Latin] hates WCS because she doesn't know what to do when I put her into a shine position. Of course, I say, "Do whatever you want to," and she can't handle that. She just sorta stands there and says to me, "I hate this dance [WCS]."

I don't understand why everybody has got to know how to shine. If you're used to being led and you're suddenly asked to do "whatever you want", chances are you won't know what to do! Whatever you want... that's pretty vague, isn't it? I'm pretty sure most of the salseros/as we know learnt how to do shines from a pro. Sure, there are some who were "born to dance" or something. But we're all required, it seems to me, to have IT, where IT is some sort of divine freestyle quality.
I'll go rant about this at a seperate thread...

Twilight Elena

Well, I find it ironic since she's prone to backleading... :) :) :)

Actually she also does a lot of belly-dancing and she feels quite free to show THAT off to me.

[MacMoto]

In our scene we are almost always short of males, so being a dancer (as opposed to a drinker ogling dancers) is enough to get pounced on by me. I'm always desperate for someone to dance with :lol:

[hopelessly_addicted]

In our scene we are almost always short of males, so being a dancer (as opposed to a drinker ogling dancers) is enough to get pounced on by me. I'm always desperate for someone to dance with :lol:

Sounds a lot like someone I know well.............like... myself! :lol: :lol:

When I first started off, someone told me not to be so over-enthusiastic. It's good to know that I'm not the only one! :D well.. not saying that you're over-enthuasiastic really MacMoto :wink:

[Rosa]

Well, WCS and salsa allow moments where the follow can shine and show off. Ballroom/Latin is a bit more stingy about that. That's probably why ballroomers in general (but probably not on this forum :wink: ) have difficulty with WCS and salsa. One of my favorite women dancers [ballroom/Latin] hates WCS because she doesn't know what to do when I put her into a shine position. Of course, I say, "Do whatever you want to," and she can't handle that. She just sorta stands there and says to me, "I hate this dance [WCS]."

I don't understand why everybody has got to know how to shine. If you're used to being led and you're suddenly asked to do "whatever you want", chances are you won't know what to do! Whatever you want... that's pretty vague, isn't it?

Well, over here in Europe anyway, most Salsa teachers do teach shines. But.... I agree with you, Twilight Elena. What's the point of getting up to dance with a partner if you're only going to end up dancing on your own? When I'm dancing Salsa with a man I want to stay in his arms!

Men who attract me as a partner have confidence, they aren't afraid to dance in a close hold, they look you in the eye and above all, they SMILE! :D

Rosa :)