Obliged to say yes

[MadamSamba]

I noticed a studio owner dancing with one of the "no-go" dancers, a sleazy, horrible man who paws women. She was obviously uncomfortable, but did not decline the dance. I thought about it and couldn't help but wonder if she did it out of obligation. Do you think studio owners (or even teachers) feel obliged to dance when asked?

If you're an owner or teacher, do you feel like you can't say no to a student or someone who frequents your studio?

[pygmalion]

Interesting. I'm not a teacher or studio owner, but I've seen what you're talking about -- the staff at my first studio danced with everyone, even the rejects -- sleazeballs -- you know.

But here, most teachers out at public dance venues will only dance with their own students. Either they're doing the rent-a-teacher thing where a couple students pay the teacher $50 an hour to go dance/practice with them socially, or they're taking their students out gratis, in which case, they refuse to dance with others on the grounds that they're out as a courtesy to their students.

I'm ambivalent about the whole thing. To me, the rules of dance etiquette don't change just because you're a dance teacher. Just as I, a social dancer, have an obligation (I think) to accept most dances, so, I think do teachers, especially since it can gain them business. On the other hand, a teacher should have the right to say no to a lecher out to cop a feel. Just my thoughts.

And the rent-a-teacher thing? Just too weird for me to wrap my mind around, yet.

[volleybgrl]

Very interesting question! I'd like to ask another on top (for all of the teachers out there). Would you ever ask one of your students for a social dance? I can see both sides of the coin here. On one side, teachers don't want the dance to be another lesson nor show favor towards anyone. From my POV, I think it's one of the sweetest gestures a teacher could do (especially for the regulars in the class). Any thoughts from the instructors in the Forum?

[Larinda McRaven]

Do you think studio owners (or even teachers) feel obliged to dance when asked?

Yes.

And this is one of the main reasons that teachers stereotypically don't enjoy or frequent socials. They feel "I go to a social I go to enjoy myself, becasue it is on my own time, yet somehow it ends up feeling like work when I have to keep track of "how many times" and feel obliged to say yes everytime."

[KevinL]

I feel obliged to say "yes" to anyone who asks me to dance, given a couple of rules that I follow. I don't want to dance with drunk people, nor do I want to dance with people more than twice in a row. Even then, I'm not likely to dance with anyone more than a few times in any night.

Social dances are (sort of) work, people watch me dance and sometimes decide if they want to take lessons with me. But they are also fun, because I enjoy dancing with everyone, even beginners. I especially like the look on a beginners face when they finally "get it".

Regarding asking students to dance, I do that all the time. I generally don't ask the guys to dance, but on occassion I have and I will again in the future. Some guys just aren't comfortable with dancing with another guy.

Kevin

[borikensalsero]

I'm with Kevin, I don't per se feel obligated to dance with anyone, but I don't turn a dance down. Not even when I'm walking out the door and a girl runs up to me saying that my Lady Love told her she could dance with me. I never, ever turn down a dance, that is if they are with in my rules to dance by. :twisted:

I think it shows character and interest towards the student when the instructor agrees to dance with student at a social setting. Here in NY City, we don't have that much of a problem. usually the students stay away from the hot spots until they are comfortable with the dance.

[Estella]

I don´t think that teachers MUST dance if asked by someone...... but they SHOULD do it.... just because at the end it brings money..... if you are always ready to dance it makes a good impression to the others and maybe it brings more people to their school!
:lol: :lol: :lol:

[ShyDancer]

At my studio they do things a little different to what you all are describing..

At our Social nights (Monday & Wednesday) most if not all, of the teachers show up and Ive been told that its on their own free time. They come to dance with the students. However the principal of the studio (5 times Australian Champion) never dances with anyone.

Its hard to say wether they feel obliged as they turn up of their own accord.
But my guess would be that at other places they would...for the $$ fact alone. If you make ppl uncomfortable by refusing dances you could also lose business, and with all the dance schools competing for pupils it wouldnt be a samrt idea.

[bordertangoman]

I don´t think that teachers MUST dance if asked by someone...... but they SHOULD do it.... just because at the end it brings money..... if you are always ready to dance it makes a good impression to the others and maybe it brings more people to their school!
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Such a mercenary approach :twisted: . Ok teaching is my other job so i don't do it for the money and I do dance will dance with almost anyone, but some people like to have boundaries. For instance the entourage of Tango Por Dos arrived at a club after one of their shows. It might have been a thrill for me to have a dance with one of them, but I respected their need to relax eat and chill out.

[pygmalion]

If you make ppl uncomfortable by refusing dances you could also lose business, and with all the dance schools competing for pupils it wouldnt be a samrt idea.

Amen to this. I've seen a teacher of mine lose potential students by turning down dances. The intentions may have been good (i.e. dancing with his students) but the outcome was a bad impression and the loss of potential clients. I know, because I talked to those folks after they got the cold shoulder, and they basically said that they thought my teacher was a jerk for turning them down. No amount of diplomacy on my part could convince them otherwise. I knew he was a nice guy and a great teacher, but they just felt the rejection.

Maybe it is better for teachers to just stay away from social dances, if they're not ready to work, meaning dance with students and potential students. Hmm.

[dancin_feet]

At our socials held every week, the instructors do generally work their way around everybody there. I find that there is a different "favourite" every week, where the instructor will give two maybe sometimes three dances to the one person, depending on who is there. The General Manager will generally join in from time to time, and truth be told I go to the parties so that I can dance with him - excellent dancer, very challenging. Got to dance with him three times one week, boy did I feel privileged!

[tsb]

I noticed a studio owner dancing with one of the "no-go" dancers, a sleazy, horrible man who paws women. She was obviously uncomfortable, but did not decline the dance. I thought about it and couldn't help but wonder if she did it out of obligation. Do you think studio owners (or even teachers) feel obliged to dance when asked?

If you're an owner or teacher, do you feel like you can't say no to a student or someone who frequents your studio?

if the sleazeball in question were a person who could somehow directly or indirectly affect your livelihood, i dunno, county sheriff in a small town, goombah, columbian druglord, obviously this definitely affects the equation! but in general if i had a student that made other students uncomfortable, i would approach the student in question privately, tell them exactly what they were doing that was making other students feel uncomfortable and tell them they could either change their behavior or accept a refund for the balance of their classes and take instruction elsewhere. i can understand wanting to maintain goodwill as a teacher/studio owner, but i don't teach to pay the bills, so my priorities are different. but even if i taught for a living, to me, some things are worth more than money.

in terms of general etiquette, i think it important to remember that the assumptions are that you follow the rules because you don't want to give offense. but sometimes there is no way to get your message across without risking giving offense because the other person is operating under a different value system.