Skilled but still shy dancers

[jon]

I saw the Experienced but still not confident (http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=29036#29036) thread, which turned out to be a totally different topic than the title suggested to me. Thus the new thread.

So, after nearly 15 years of lots of types of dancing, I think I'm generally perceived as a good leader, and don't lack for partners. But I'm still pretty shy about asking new people to dance, particularly in unfamiliar environments. I'm hoping I'm not the only person with this problem... anyone else willing to fess up?

[Sagitta]

Nope!! :)

[Hank]

I've asked countless women to dance over the years, and have been rejected countless times. The likelihood of being rejected seems to go up dramatically with new people and those who aren't part of the dance culture, especially in a bar or nightclub environment. No matter how much positive feedback I might otherwise receive, it still hurts to be rejected. Thus, I am naturally more shy when I know the risk is high. Nevertheless, I prepare myself emotionally for the experience and plod ahead.

[danceguy]

I've only been dancing for about 6 months and I'm getting over the shyness more each day. However, when I go to unfamilliar dance venues I do tend to tense up, espeically if its a huge crowd (like the Roccapulco in SF - major culture shock!).

However, I think that Sagitta, our resident asker of the ladies and clique breaker has rubbed off on me. I broke up a clique the other night with some very young and snippy Latina girls who were all sitting together, and I had never seen any of them before. I asked all of them to dance and didn't think twice about it...what were they at the club for anyway?

As I mentioned in another post...I was turned down for the first time ever a few days ago (by one of the above mentioned gals for a second dance). It didn't bother me much as I've been left on the dance floor twice by women...and that hurts a lot more than someone who says no to a dance invitation.

Now that I'm asking more and more women to dance, I know I'll be getting a lot more rejections...but honestly I don't let it bother me. There's many women I've danced with that after one dance I know I never want to dance with them again...not to mention how outgoing and social I have become due to all of this.

No doubt about it though, getting turned down sucks, but you learn a lot in the process of asking and getting rejected. ;)

[bordertangoman]

Yep I empathise. Sometimes to get a dance I have driven for two or three hours to a venue I didn't know whereit was with people i had never met before. Requires a few cigarettes to bolster me. the anxiety levels go off the scale!

I just go in and ask someone to dance. Six or seven dances I feel normal-ish again.

But refusal can still be disappointing. I always imagine the worst of what she could be thinking about me even if she says my feet are hurting or I need a rest.

I just live with it. best I can do.

[Sagitta]

However, I think that Sagitta, our resident asker of the ladies and clique breaker has rubbed off on me. I broke up a clique the other night with some very young and snippy Latina girls who were all sitting together, and I had never seen any of them before. I asked all of them to dance and didn't think twice about it...what were they at the club for anyway?


You go SG!! :banana: Glad to see my proselytizing is having a good effect!! :D


As I mentioned in another post...I was turned down for the first time ever a few days ago (by one of the above mentioned gals for a second dance). It didn't bother me much as I've been left on the dance floor twice by women...and that hurts a lot more than someone who says no to a dance invitation.

Tell me about it. On Tuesday we just start dancing and this girl tells me hold on and runs off the dance floor before I have a chance to say anything!! Extremely rude! If she asked me I wouldn't have said no, but it was clear she had no sense of dance etiquiette. (Some friends were leaving and so she went to say Bye!!) Anyway she came back and apologized and I told her off no end. I continued dancing with her but I didn't put much effort in it. Since that was a bad dance I asked her later on, she said, "no", and immediately turns around and asks someone else to dance seconds later. Apparently this is one lady who does not want to dance with me. [shrug]

[Vin]

I admit it, I often have problems asking women to dance. I try and dance with at least one or two people whom I have never danced with before each night.

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

I´m kinda shy especially when I see an unfamiliar face. With these ladies it´s always a big risk asking them for a dance. The fear of rejection lurks in your mind. Noone likes being turned down. I´ve learnt to cope with it over time but it still affects me.

Fortunately though, I ask more and more women who I don´t know to dance. One of my best dance experiences was with this lady I had never seen before. She was the best follow I had ever danced with. It was as if we had been dancing together all of our lives. :lol: Now this is extremely rare for a first dance. Unfortunately it was our only dance. She lives 300 km away. :( Never seen her again.