Dateless at Dance Forums

[pygmalion]

Just curious. A bunch of people in the forums keep mentioning the difficulties of dance relationships, and relationships in general. And I won't name them, but there are some really flirtatious guys and gals in the forums, looking for dates. So how many of you are in committed relationships? I'll make this a poll, so you can be anonymous if you want. :wink:

And, if you care to comment, does your commitment/relationship status have anything to do with your dancing, good or bad?

[Sagitta]

I live life with passion and zest. I throw myself into whatever I do. I'm committed to my gf. Long term / short term...I let things flow the way they do. How good dancers we are has nothing to do with it. We do have different views of dancing, though.

[danceguy]

Hmm, I've backed off on the flirting these days...that's Neo's job now. And I think most people know it was merely for humours sake...I've never been serious about it. I don't consider DF a place to find dates...I do enjoy talking with people from other parts of the world...the internet is great for pen-pals and that's how I see DF. Even if you talk with someone that seems interesting, they are usually really far away, and I've done the online dating thing, and its not for me. Never again! :?

Funny you should ask...before I really got into Salsa I would get depressed over a courtship or dating situation gone sour because they were very few and far between in my life. Now I meet attractive women all the time...and while no new romance has developed...I have forgotten about all of the past women that I still had feelings for. Who has time to fret over past issues when you meet so many lovely ladies while Salsa dancing? :P

Even the ones I meet in dance that I lose interest in or I find are taken don't get me down for too long. There's always a new face...someone to ask for a dance with the possibility of romance in the future...that's something to look forward to! :wink:

[Diavo]

Single and always looking when I am. 8) I don't go to swing dances trying to pick up chicks, although the kind of girl I look for WOULD be that kind of girl. :wink:

Unlike many people I know, I can be perfectly happy without a significant other, and like Sagitta I live life with passion.

--Diavo

[NeoDevin]

Flirting is great fun! I figure everywhere is a potential place to find dates... I won't do any long distance relationships, but you never know where you might end up, so no point closing off options. If you'd have asked me 2 months ago if I thought I might be in New York next year, I'd have said hell no. Now I'm looking into visa information...

I'm very picky about who I get into a relationship with, which is why I'm currently single. If I wanted a girlfriend just for the sake of having a girlfriend, I wouldn't have any problem finding someone.

[pygmalion]

I believe you, NeoDevin. You're a hunk with a great sense of humor. And you can cook! Actual food. :shock: What woman could resist that combination? 8) :D

[peachexploration]

I'm happily married to Salsa. ROTFL :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Hank]

I started dancing because I heard it would be a good place to meet women. That turned out not to be true, and I've never found a girlfriend through dancing. I don't even try asking women out anymore.

[youngsta]

Glad to see I'm not the only one dreaming! :lol:

[Estella]

I voted for "Others"... :roll:
I´m married, yes.... but happily... I have to find out first! :wink:

[pygmalion]

Yup. I thought about the various options for married,but figured I'd better not get too personal. :?

[DanceMentor]

I'm happily married, and my wife and I are about to go out dancing. We've been practicing the steps from the Dance Vision Syllabus and now we are ready to go try them in public.

[danceguy]

Hmm, lots of single folks here. BTW - what does 'other' represent? Or maybe I shouldn't ask... :oops: :? :shock: :oops:

[NeoDevin]

Other includes anything not on the list... single by choice, unhappily married, etc.

[salsachinita]

Interesting thread, Jenn. Quite relevant too. Given that a few of us (perhaps more) have had a lousy Valentine's Day.

I love my DF........that's why I would never think of it as a place to look for dating potentials. Hell, when we go out dancing they are all out there :roll: !

I've voted "others" for the time being....

My salsa is my one true love. That extends above & beyond any relationship (but it doesn't stop us from being hopful :roll: :lol: ).

Dreamers we are........

[dancersdreamland]

Happily engaged at this point, soon (just over 7 months from now) I'll be happily married!!!! :banana: :bouncy:

[DanceMentor]

I lose more students because they go off and get married. They come into my classes looking to meet someone, and then before you know it there are wedding bells. I've had the pleasure of choreographing several wedding dances for people who met in my classes. Dancing is a wonderful thing! :D

[danceguy]

DM - Where are your classes being taught again? :D

Reminds me of a time in college when I moved in with some new roommates, and they immediately informed me that the bedroom I was moving into had 'magical qualities' to the tune that every single guy who had lived in the room soon had found a girlfriend and one had even become engaged.

I thought it was a joke until just a few months after I moved in...it worked! She was quite a girl too...*sigh*...memories! :P

[DanceMentor]

SG, I haven't choreographed any weddings lately, but I'm really getting into teaching again. I pointed out one of the cool things about being a teacher. I forgot to mention the "marriage counselor" hat I also have to wear sometimes. :D

[Neil]

Happily married.

> And, if you care to comment, does your commitment/relationship
> status have anything to do with your dancing, good or bad?

At times I think that I would be a better dancer if I were single because I would dance with more people and I would get partners for practice, competition, and shows. On the other hand, I've seen single men who take dance classes to meet girls. By the time they can do the basic step on beat, they're going out with so many girls that they don't have time to improve their dancing anymore, and, usually, they don't care too anyway. ;) At least that's the case for country/western dancing. It seems that the Cuban girls are harder to impress with dancing. Since almost all of them require dancing before they'll go home with a guy, almost all the Cuban guys can dance. You would have to be pretty good to stand out in that crowd.

[Neil]

... We've been practicing the steps from the Dance Vision Syllabus ...

I've been wondering about that syllabus. I didn't think there was a reason for another syllabus, the official one seems fine. Is this different? Is it somehow better than what the Imperial Society has had for so long?

[Vin]

I am dating someone with no plans for the future right now, it's a tricky situation.
I continually try and improve my dancing and usually different aspects of my dancing improve or get worse depending on my dating situation.
When not dating anyone, My overall lead tends to improve alot and I become more capable of leading many different women. As well, my connection to the music becomes stronger. On the downside it becomes harder for me to develop new moves unless I have a regular dance partner. As well some of the more complicated moves that I already know get forgotten.
When dating a dance addict I am able to develop alot of new moves and again my connection with music becomes stronger.
On the downside here is my lead actually gets worse since I get used to leading a woman who will follow everything I throw at her and she is able to cover up for my mistakes.
Now we get to dating a non dance addict.(dating someone who wont dance with me is not an option.)
I can quickly get her to the point where she can be a reasonable follow and can develop new things with her. At the same time my lead still has to be excellent in order for her to follow me. The downside here is that especially with salsa you have to work hard to stay connected to the music with a beginner, as this usually takes people some time to get used to. The Downsides of dating a dance addict also apply since after a few weeks of dancing she will become an addict as well.

[KevinL]

Who has time for a relationship?

I work full time, and teach dance about 15 hours a week, and I'm a part-time single dad. After sleeping and eating, that doesn't leave much time for dating! (Also, given the present legal climate in the US if my exwife decides to move our daughter across the country (again), I can't really do anything to stop her, and would have to move and abandon all my relationships here (again).)

Besides, I meet almost all of the available women I know through dancing, and since I'm a teacher and have ethical problems with dating sutdents that severly limits that great source of potential dates.

I did however, have a really great Valentines Day, although the lady and I are only friends since she is even busier than I am!

Kevin

[Phil Owl]

Quite unattached right now, not necessarily looking but I am leaving myself open to the possibility if a Southern Belle (TM) does one day cross my path and ignite a flame (one that dances would be a huge plus!) :wink:

[Sarah]

And, if you care to comment, does your commitment/relationship status have anything to do with your dancing, good or bad?

Your poll has a certain degree of self-selection to it. I met a bloke end of last year, and now don't have as much time to read/post on the dance forums ;)

Yes I met him out dancing (salsa), he doesn't chacha :( but is keen to learn AT with me :D. We go out dancing at least once a week. Life is good.

Cheers
Sarah

[pygmalion]

Yup. I suspected when I set up the poll that it was skewed in favor of the unattached. The attached have things to do other than DF more often than the unattached. :?

And about that bloke of yours? Cool. 8) :D

[SDsalsaguy]

I met a bloke end of last year, and now don't have as much time to read/post on the dance forums ;)
So that's where you'd disappeared to... :wink:

[dancin_feet]

Unattached and not really looking at the moment. I'm a bit of a romantic at heart, so am always hopeful, just not pounding on the first guy I see. It has to be reciprocated. I really couldn't be bothered trying to convince someone to go out with me.

[Sarah]

I met a bloke end of last year, and now don't have as much time to read/post on the dance forums ;)
So that's where you'd disappeared to... :wink:
Aye. On-line flirting curtailed due to oversupply of the real life variety. Sorry, guys :D. I'm still up for a dance though, should any of you make it further south than Melbourne.

Cheers
Sarah

[pygmalion]

:D :D :D :D

Let's hear it for real life flirting ... and more. :wink: :lol: 8) :D

[lindy jihad]

i dont really have time to post anymore seeing as how school has been keeping me busy, but this post struck me.
all i can say is that any sort of relationships suck.
never again do i want one, nor could i have one in the field of work i am going into.
thats all i have to say.

[pygmalion]

Sorry to hear that, lindy jihad. I hope someone comes along who'll change your mind. Probably won't happen soon, but I hope it happens sometime. :? 8)

[Vince A]

:D :D :D :D

Let's hear it for real life flirting ... and more. :wink: :lol: 8) :D
I'll drink to that!

I am very, very happily married, but I am a big flirt. I always have been a flirt.

My wife knows that and she has no problem with it. She is secure in this realtionship. No jealousies. I will never give her a reason to doubt!

Flirting is healthy . . . good for the ego . . . and should be a part of some of our dancing!

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

I am very, very happily married, but I am a big flirt. I always have been a flirt.

My wife knows that and she has no problem with it. She is secure in this realtionship. No jealousies. I will never give her a reason to doubt!


Well, I´m happy for you Vince A. :D It seems you have a very good and healthy relationship with your wife, which unfortunately seems to be a rare thing theses days.

I´m not married but most of my friends are, or should I say were...

[Neil]

...Flirting is healthy . . . good for the ego . . . and should be a part of some of our dancing!

"If you aren't flirting, then you aren't dancing."

[HothouseSalsero]

I have found that dancing is a pretty good way to meet women. I haven't been getting out that much. One reason I haven't been posting here much is that after a while I get tired of talking about dancing when I'm not even doing much of it. I am confident that once I start getting out dancing more I will probably meet someone to start dating.

Right now I am apartment hunting--or at least I am supposed to be. I am ready to take a place I saw last week, but I am not hearing back from the person who showed it to me, which makes me think it's probably gone now.

(I am not cut out to live in apartments since I'm very sensitive to noise when I am trying to sleep. If I had only realized this early on, I would have focused more on saving for a house, I think. I should have done what I could to get out of living in apartments as quickly as possible.)

[pygmalion]

I know what you mean, HHS. It's like dancing is a full immersion sport for me. The more I do it, the more I talk about it. I guess if I danced less, the appeal might diminish.

[HothouseSalsero]

I filled out an application for an apartment this afternoon. Hopefully once the move is over I will be able to relax more and enjoy the rest of the summer. I move at the beginning of May.

At least I went out dancing last Friday. I think I might not make it tonight. I could, but I need to get a lot done this weekend--get my taxes out of the way, catch up with laundry, and begin to get rid of some stuff so I don't have as much to pack. (I usually end up taking books to a used bookstore every time I move, plus this or that to a homeless shelter.)

[Bronzestudent]

It's been my experience so far that the girls that are really into dance are totally not my kind of women for other reasons, and girls that I would otherwise be interested in are not very interested in dance. So I keep dancing!! It would be easier perhaps if I were to move to Vatican City and start a dance school. But I doubt there are many women my age there.

[ArtsySalsera]

New relationship, have no idea where it's going....
I will try to keep up the numbers of nights I take classes and
go out dancing. I hope it won't affect my dancing negatively.
We shall see how it goes.

[pygmalion]

Best of luck with the relationship. As much as it's DF blasphemy to say so, dance isn't everything. Enjoy your new boyfriend.

[ArtsySalsera]

I'm kinda overdue for a relationship....wasn't willing to give up any salsa time but realize I miss the intimacy that a relationship offers.

Thank you so much.

[pygmalion]

wasn't willing to give up any salsa time but realize I miss the intimacy.

I understand.

Maybe, a little way down the road, he'll be willling to let you go and dance without him, or else go dancing with you. In the early stages, maybe not. You two have other things to keep you occupied. But maybe later. :)

[ArtsySalsera]

http://www.online-thecatsmeow.com/images/Emoticons2/way2go.gif True that!

[tanya_the_dancer]

I'm married, but I can't really say 'happily'. It's a bit like that tango joke I've seen in one thread: American tango - is like beginning of a relationship, Argentine tango - is like passionate relationship, and International tango - is like have been married for 10 years and staying together just for the sake of the kids. Well, my marriage is pretty close to International tango stage.

[Shooshoo]

dance isn't everything.

Yeah, that's why now I'm getting all the dance I can get, just in case I end up with a non-dancer.

[Twilight_Elena]

I voted "Relationship? Only in my dreams". Don't ask me why. I've only recently begun to get away from the repercussions of my school finals.
And guys have been strangely interested to be lately. So... *shrug* Maybe I'll post again in this thread at some time.

Twilight Elena

[Shooshoo]

I'm married, but I can't really say 'happily'. It's a bit like that tango joke I've seen in one thread: American tango - is like beginning of a relationship, Argentine tango - is like passionate relationship, and International tango - is like have been married for 10 years and staying together just for the sake of the kids. Well, my marriage is pretty close to International tango stage.

You have to start practicing your Argentine tango again!! I'm sure you can.

Guess one of the advanatges of marrying late, I tell myself, one has less time for the International tango. Or maybe there isn't time for that either :rolleyes: ?

[Sabor]

i'm hard to get.

[cantskiforlife]

My parents have been dancing for years (11+ - still bronze). :) I tried it out around the time they started and HATED IT! I was learning swing and found it hard to do and boring. I think thats because I wanted to learn the hustle. :) Anyway, it took until last year for me to really get back into it. And that was only because I met a girl who really enjoyed it.

The funny thing is, she stopped dancing not long afterward, we stopped talking, and I am still dancing up a storm. :)

Have had one actual dance relationship. Lets just say that the ability to critique your partners dance ability dies a hard death when you get serious. A comment about frame, or rise and fall turns into a direct attack on their person and their ability to dance. Grrr. I wonder how people are able to get by this...

[Shooshoo]

I've been single for 33 years of my 35 years of age.

[Rosa]

Dateless and not looking. Not too happy about it, but I accept it's the best thing for me at this stage in my life.

I hope things will move on, but it may take a few years.

Rosa :)

[caityrosey]

Just curious. A bunch of people in the forums keep mentioning the difficulties of dance relationships, and relationships in general. And I won't name them, but there are some really flirtatious guys and gals in the forums, looking for dates. So how many of you are in committed relationships? I'll make this a poll, so you can be anonymous if you want. :wink:

And, if you care to comment, does your commitment/relationship status have anything to do with your dancing, good or bad?

Well, at the moment I'm not dancing with my husband--or at least not competing

[tanya_the_dancer]

You have to start practicing your Argentine tango again!! I'm sure you can.

Guess one of the advanatges of marrying late, I tell myself, one has less time for the International tango. Or maybe there isn't time for that either :rolleyes: ?

You know, the funny thing is that neither of us does AT. We had a couple of group classes on it maybe 5 years ago, found it very confusing and got back to American style, and haven't tried it since. And now I just haven't the time to learn it because I'm focusing on American and to a lesser extent on International style. But yeah, getting back to the original topic, my marriage is no longer a passionate one.

[fascination]

Just curious. A bunch of people in the forums keep mentioning the difficulties of dance relationships, and relationships in general. And I won't name them, but there are some really flirtatious guys and gals in the forums, looking for dates. So how many of you are in committed relationships? I'll make this a poll, so you can be anonymous if you want. :wink:

And, if you care to comment, does your commitment/relationship status have anything to do with your dancing, good or bad?okay...this is a complex question...I am happily married...the degree to which varies based upon the day...ranging from blissfull to POed but still loving him, to bored but still committed....he knows I am in the running for certain awards based upon flirting...he catches up on his rest while that is going on...

we started dancing b/c we were both interested in it...and wanted to be able to dance at weddings and on cruises and at office parties....since then ONE of us has become obssessive....and both of us are currently okay with that(though we are both monitoring it closely)...
we still enjoy dancing together....and certainly if he wasnt supportive it would drastically change my outlook and my choices...and it most certainly affects my dancing.....

[wyllo]

And, if you care to comment, does your commitment/relationship status have anything to do with your dancing, good or bad?

I've been happily married for three years -- my husband and I met in a group dance class in college. We also are dance partners and compete together as amateurs. I count myself as incredibly lucky that I not only found someone I want to spend my life with, but who also loves to dance as much as I do.

[DWise1]

okay...this is a complex question...I am happily married...the degree to which varies based upon the day...ranging from blissfull to POed but still loving him, to bored but still committed....he knows I am in the running for certain awards based upon flirting...he catches up on his rest while that is going on...

we started dancing b/c we were both interested in it...and wanted to be able to dance at weddings and on cruises and at office parties....since then ONE of us has become obssessive....and both of us are currently okay with that(though we are both monitoring it closely)...
we still enjoy dancing together....and certainly if he wasnt supportive it would drastically change my outlook and my choices...and it most certainly affects my dancing.....

I think we once had a thread (circa April '04 -- have I really been hanging around here that long?) that discussed social dancing turning into problem dancing:

I always figured that social dancing was like social drinking, where you do it when you're out with others.
As opposed to doing it alone at home.
With CDs of dance music hidden away all over the house to make sure that you won't run out.
And polishing off a dance number or two before it's even lunchtime.

You know, a problem dancer.


Think I feel a bender coming on this weekend.

---------------------------------------

Friends don't let friends dance and drive.

Do you dance when you're alone?
Do you dance before 10 o'clock in the morning?
Have you ever had a hard day at work and you just need that one dance to help you unwind? And then it turns into two, and four, and before you know it you've been dancing all night?
When a song comes on in the car while you're driving, do you start to move your hips?
Have you ever gotten up in the morning, and you don't remember who you were dancing with?

You may have a dancing problem.

Fortunately we have a Forum for you. It's called Dancers Anonymous. Just drop by any time, and say, "Hello. My name is X. And I'm a dancer."

-------------------------

Last night in class, my partner started to panic a bit saying that she had completely forgotten the routine. So I told her to relax and not to worry because I'm the designated driver.

Though actually I think that was when she really started to worry.

OK, so maybe I do take a wrong turn now and then, but I always get there eventually. And usually in one piece.

Without ever having to stop and ask for directions.

[fascination]

I retain my right to be in denial...

[DWise1]

It says that I already voted, but I don't remember how I had voted so way-back-when (before the divorce, I'm pretty sure, though long after her emotional separation had started).

No dating pre-se, though I've been out a number of times with friends. One of them has been to two singles dances with me this month and her comment was that she sure met a lot of women, ones that I already knew from elsewhere.

So, no, not dating, no prospects yet.

[tanya_the_dancer]

okay...this is a complex question...I am happily married...the degree to which varies based upon the day...ranging from blissfull to POed but still loving him, to bored but still committed....he knows I am in the running for certain awards based upon flirting...he catches up on his rest while that is going on...

we started dancing b/c we were both interested in it...and wanted to be able to dance at weddings and on cruises and at office parties....since then ONE of us has become obssessive....and both of us are currently okay with that(though we are both monitoring it closely)...
we still enjoy dancing together....and certainly if he wasnt supportive it would drastically change my outlook and my choices...and it most certainly affects my dancing.....

I am taking a guess that you're the one who's more into dancing in your relationship? In my case, I am also the one who is very much into dancing and work on it a lot on my own, and have competitive goals, and my husband has been somewhat annoyed that I have progressed so much more than he did, even though in the beginning of the relationship, I was the one who did not know how to dance and he was the one who had several years of on-and-off group classes. I sometimes have a feeling that he would have preferred it if I was not so driven about dancing.

[fascination]

I understand where you are coming from...but having been married for 20 years...(yes since I was 20)...my husband expects me to be driven and passionate...about anything that I choose to pursue...he has accepted that and I think respects it ....he has his things too...we have been together for 26 years...we have a friend that like to say that my husband is attracted to me b/c his own interior lanscape is so boring that he needs all of the external stimulus that I provide:rolleyes: ...I think this paints a fair picture of both of us in both positive and negative ways.....my husband is not a physical person...he has no desire to torture himself with competitive dance...that is how he views it....he is ver competitive mentally (engineer/attorney) but has no desire to exert himself....I on the other hand have more pysical energy than a human being ought to have....and more drive than is healthy....we do a fair job of levelling one another off.....sometimes...I think he wishes he could dance with me the way my teacher does...but since he doesnt want to work that hard...he doesnt begrudge me and I dont resent him....I have the best of all worlds:cool:

[ArtsySalsera]

Shooshoo, elaborate on that, would ja?

Tanya, my how the tide changes what with your interest taking off.
I hope the passion comes back.

Wyllo, you lucky woman, you.

Well, as for me. I don't have to stop dancing. He lives out of town 1 and 1/2 hrs away. His work schedule rotates,....ie...this week he's here during the week and not here on the weekend. So I'll dance this weekend. This is new for me to rotate my schedule but I'm gonna go with the flow.

[Shooshoo]

But yeah, getting back to the original topic, my marriage is no longer a passionate one.

This is one of my fears that marriage does not stay passionate. Of course people say that you get another type of relationship which is also good, but then marriage doesn't sound too appealing to me. But I've seen a few couples where I see that they have a special connection and then I think maybe there is hope.

But I need passion at least to get into it, that's for sure and then I'll deal with the rest after that :) .

[Rosa]

This is one of my fears that marriage does not stay passionate. Of course people say that you get another type of relationship which is also good, but then marriage doesn't sound too appealing to me. But I've seen a few couples where I see that they have a special connection and then I think maybe there is hope.

But I need passion at least to get into it, that's for sure and then I'll deal with the rest after that :) .

I think I'm beginning to see that human beings weren't necessarily intended to be monogamous.

If it works for some people, that's great. :cool:

But with the divorce rate running at 50%, and more and more people having 'serial relationships' (and thinking about my own experience, too), I'm no longer sure.

Rosa :)

[Shooshoo]

I think I'm beginning to see that human beings weren't necessarily intended to be monogamous.

Rosa :)

I agree that sexually/physically, human beings are not supposed to be monogamous, but mentally one can work on being monogamous.

I just can't belittle the mind and soul. Every single individual is special and unique, so unless one chooses to have sex for physical needs, this does not always fulfil the psychological and emotional need.

[Indiana_Jay]

...there are some really flirtatious guys and gals in the forums, looking for dates. So how many of you are in committed relationships?

Hmm, based on that comment, I'm thinking I should try to avoid ever writing anything that might seem at all flirtatious, lest anyone incorrectly assume that I'm looking for someone.

I've been married for more than 20 years and can't imagine how I could survive without my lovely wife. She has been continuously supportive through some pretty difficult times.

We've been taking ballroom lessons together since July. Neither of us has any intention of competing, so we're pretty happy with our dance experience.

[pygmalion]

Oh heavens! :oops: Don't take that too seriously, I_J. It's virtually impossible to word a topic-starter. I was just trying to start a conversation. So have fun, and flirt away, if you wish. You're safe ... mostly. :wink: :lol:

[Sabor]

man wants to have as many woman in his lifetime as possible.. that was ingrained biologically.. or the 'id' in psychological terms.. not their fault..

however, how they choose to express that is a question of the 'super-ego' and how developed that is..

me.. i have a 'superduper-ego' :)

[pygmalion]

me.. i have a 'superduper-ego' :)

No kidding. :wink:

[fascination]

This is one of my fears that marriage does not stay passionate. Of course people say that you get another type of relationship which is also good, but then marriage doesn't sound too appealing to me. But I've seen a few couples where I see that they have a special connection and then I think maybe there is hope.

But I need passion at least to get into it, that's for sure and then I'll deal with the rest after that :) .ahemmm...it can stay passionate:cool: :cool: :cool:

[fascination]

Oh heavens! :oops: Don't take that too seriously, I_J. It's virtually impossible to word a topic-starter. I was just trying to start a conversation. So have fun, and flirt away, if you wish. You're safe ... mostly. :wink: :lol:hey, whatdya mean mostly;) ?

[fascination]

I think I'm beginning to see that human beings weren't necessarily intended to be monogamous.

If it works for some people, that's great. :cool:

But with the divorce rate running at 50%, and more and more people having 'serial relationships' (and thinking about my own experience, too), I'm no longer sure.

Rosa :)I think the natural inclination to um "share the love" it what is so difficult and yet so remarkable when two people choose to forsake their options and be with only one another instead....not everything worth having always feels good....

[Shooshoo]

ahemmm...it can stay passionate:cool: :cool: :cool:

Good for you :p . Another glimspe of hope. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

[Shooshoo]

man wants to have as many woman in his lifetime as possible..

That's not fair!! :( . I wanna be a man!!!!

[Sabor]

That's not fair!! :( . I wanna be a man!!!!

u like women too?.. nice!!

[brujo]

man wants to have as many woman in his lifetime as possible..

but women GET to have as many men in her lifetime as she wants.

[Twilight_Elena]

but women GET to have as many men in her lifetime as she wants.
We do??? :shock:

Twilight Elena

[Medira]

but women GET to have as many men in her lifetime as she wants.
That's news to me...

[Rosa]

but women GET to have as many men in her lifetime as she wants.

You are joking!!!!! :raisebro:

:nope:

Rosa ;)

[ArtsySalsera]

I was curious as to why I keep hearing people (ok mostly men) say that it's not natural to be with one person for too long and whether or not that's just an excuse to do a lot of women. So even though I'm not married yet, I'm reading "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch, Ph.D. He saids you have to be really brave and have some guts/balls to achieve greater intimacy with your spouse. It's deep reading.
Let's just say I'm exploring the subject. I mean why would there be such a thing as marriage where children naturally flourish best when raised in a stable environment with a mother and a father if it's not possible to be monagamous. I'm not knocking any one else's opinion so please, whomever is about to try to blast me, please don't get all mad with me. I'm just sayin' that I'm EXPLORING the subject. That's all!

[pygmalion]

I hear ya, ArtsySalsera.

I think the whole subject is pretty difficult to sum up in a sentence or two. So I'll think about it and come back with a well thought-out answer, such as you really deserve.

[brujo]

I was curious as to why I keep hearing people (ok mostly men) say that it's not natural to be with one person for too long and whether or not that's just an excuse to do a lot of women.

I think it is just a different level of commitment that is needed. If you look at most of the research on happiness levels and marriage satisfaction, you see that it peaks at the newly wed stage, starts going down with the birth of children and is at the lowest point when the children reach their teenage years. After the kids leave home, the satisfaction curve slowly starts to move up and it actually reaches levels similar to that of newlyweds at the last years.

This pretty much goes against our culture of instant gratification and really the fairy tale ilusion that you get married and work hard and you end up loving each other more and more. Truth is, you probably start taking all these things about the other person for granted until it really becomes absolutely unbearable for the both of you and you end up divorcing. When you are single and looking, your priority is in finding that soulmate or whatever, but once you have or think you have, then your priorities simply shift, and you focus on other things like getting your life together and your work.

It's like that old saying, you don't pay a hooker for the sex, you pay her to leave...

Boy, do I sound cynical and bitter...

[pygmalion]

Still thinking about this ArtsySalsera. Right now, I'm wondering about the role of the nature/nurture balance in how men and women perceive monogamy and commitment. Meaning how much is biological and how much is socialization.

But, since it's 1:45 AM, I'm not even capable of typing, much less coherent thought. So I'll be back later this morning, I hope. :)

[Shooshoo]

u like women too?.. nice!!

Doesn't everyone? They're SIMPLE THE BEST!!

[Shooshoo]

but women GET to have as many men in her lifetime as she wants.


but women CAN get as many men in her lifetime IF she wants

[brujo]

but women CAN get as many men in her lifetime IF she wants

Grammar Nazi :p

[Shooshoo]

I mean why would there be such a thing as marriage where children naturally flourish best when raised in a stable environment with a mother and a father if it's not possible to be monagamous.

I think that's a good point :rocker: .


But there'll be endless opinions on the topic, eveyone choosing what pleases his/her mind and needs.

[Shooshoo]

Grammar Nazi :p

Don't get it ?

[Joe]

He means your National Socialist policies regarding his grammatically incorrect sentence structure has given him gas.

[Sabor]

accordingly.. its better not to play with matches

[Rosa]

accordingly.. its better not to play with matches

Ooooh! *squeals*... that avatar!!!!

Rosa ;) 8) :lol:

[Sabor]

leave my avatars be! pick on me instead :)

[Rosa]

leave my avatars be! pick on me instead :)

Ojalá! :lol:

Happy Christmas, Sabor. :cool:

Rosa :)

[Sabor]

merry christmas to u amorcita

[fascination]

Ooooh! *squeals*... that avatar!!!!

Rosa ;) 8) :lol:ditto man..works for me:cool:

[ArtsySalsera]

Pygmalion, I look forward to your comments.

Brujo, yep I've heard that when the kids come, it's harder to make time for just the two of you. By the time you're done taking care of them for the day many couples have no energy to maintain the relationship. I've heard an active effort has to be made to maintain...like having dates without the children around and a lock on the bedroom door.


Shooshoo, yep...I agree...There are endless opinions. I call it buffet style relationships. People will pick what pleases them and leave what displeases them behind especially if it takes some effort.

Food for thought. Please excuse the length.
I'll try but it's difficult to sum up a little of what Schnarch writes without leaving out important ideas pg 311-312:

"DIFFERENTIATION" changes monogamy by returning (body part (G's) )ownership to each partner. Emotional Siamese twins act as if their partner's G's are communal property. (I opted not to write certain things on here that he wrote. You can figure it out. I'm sure.)

Monogamy is a prison when it's based on emotional fusion.....Monogamy per se is not the problem. The problem arises when we lack the "Differentiation" neccesary for the kind of monagamy we want. Monogamy between undifferentiated partners creates sexual monopoly................

.........Monogamy operates differently in highly Differentiated couples: it stops being a ponderous commitment to one's partner ( or "the relationship") and becomes a commitment to oneself. The relationship is driven more by personal integrity and mutual respect than by reciprocal deprivation or bludgeoning. It's no longer your partner's fault you don't have sex with other people: it's part of your decision to be monogamous. ...and the pressures of disparate sexual desire come with your decision too. (He has more to say about disparate sexual desire too) Having an affair becomes more a self-betrayal than a betrayal of your partner (since you promised yourself and not him).

That same integrity supports the self-validated intimacy necessary to keep your sexual relationship alive and growing. You feel less controlled by your spouse, and less motivated to have an affair. That's fortunate, because it's also not safe to have affairs or withould from a partner whose integrity runs his monogamy: if he won't tolerate adultery or sexual laziness from himself, he's not likely to tolerate either one from you. There is less room for mercy______s and no reason to believe they'd be accepted. (best not to write that word here lest I be banned from df but this guy doesn't hold back)

Maybe he should pay me for book promotion. http://www.online-thecatsmeow.com/images/Emoticons6/lol2.gif

[mamboqueen]

ditto man..works for me:cool:

a little lower on the neck for me :)

[fascination]

a little lower on the neck for me :)picky picky picky;)

[Shooshoo]

accordingly.. its better not to play with matches

Told you, I need an interpreter at times :rolleyes: ..

Don't worry about me playing with matches Sabor, I'm well-equipped with fire extinguishers.

[Shooshoo]

Shooshoo, yep...I agree...There are endless opinions. I call it buffet style relationships.

Agree with you. As long as both partners choose the type of relationship which satisfies them both and they're happy, then that's their business.

[mamboqueen]

picky picky picky;)


Hey...I've earned it! *LOL*

[fascination]

Hey...I've earned it! *LOL*oh really?;) I'm afraid to ask how...

[mamboqueen]

don't ask, don't tell!

[mamboqueen]

I just re-viewed the poll answers and have to chuckle. The only status of being married is "happily". I know about 5 people (out of about 60 married couples that we know) in that category *LOL*

[Sabor]

I just re-viewed the poll answers and have to chuckle. The only status of being married is "happily". I know about 5 people (out of about 60 married couples that we know) in that category *LOL*

and out of those 5 .. probably 5 are in denial.. haha

[Rosa]

and out of those 5 .. probably 5 are in denial.. haha

You bet your sweet bippy!

Rosa :)

[mamboqueen]

LMAO! I think that all the time when I hear how "perfect" someone's marriage is. I'm just betting there's a major skeleton.

My husband and I usually have a tough holiday because I want to go visit my family (NJ) and he doesn't. His family does N-O-T-H-I-N-G. It's a big bone of contention and we're having a War of the Roses moment in life. Thankfully, we have no chandeliers and high ceilings!

[pygmalion]

lol. I was trying to keep the poll options on a positive note (and avoid hijacking my own topic into a discussion about the quality of marriages. lol.) But yeah. Miserably married is also a valid category. :lol:

[diputs]

It's a big bone of contention and we're having a War of the Roses moment in life.

The holidays seems to really seem to create a lot of problems.

I am also one of those people that have no interest in holidays. Luckily I am single, so avoiding them is easier. When I am dating someone, I just do whatever they want to do, just to keep the stress to a minimum.

Holidays tend to remind us of all the things we have tried so hard to forget in our lives.

[fascination]

and out of those 5 .. probably 5 are in denial.. hahawe have a friend that calls our marriage "vibrant"...I think he means never static which is a good thing....but umm....vibrant can be alot of different things....denial not being one of them...I prefer a very transparent relationship...I think that is a key...a willingness to say...I'm bored...or you're being a pain...or I'd prefer to be alone...or...lets go lock ourselves in the bedroom;)

[fascination]

The holidays seems to really seem to create a lot of problems.

I am also one of those people that have no interest in holidays. Luckily I am single, so avoiding them is easier. When I am dating someone, I just do whatever they want to do, just to keep the stress to a minimum.

Holidays tend to remind us of all the things we have tried so hard to forget in our lives.early on ...dh and I set up christmas eve (LATE) as our time...our time to exchange gifts our time to reflect.. our time for romance...our time to look at the tree and sip nog and listen to carols....and I have often thought that it would be the most horrible night of my life if he goes first ...the first time i have to do it without him....it is true that the holidays can remind us both of what is missing and of what we have.....this year I am working hard on treasuring what I have...and maybe some other year I will have to treasure what I had or think about what is left....the holidays certainly can bring it all to the fore....

[fascination]

LMAO! I think that all the time when I hear how "perfect" someone's marriage is. I'm just betting there's a major skeleton.

My husband and I usually have a tough holiday because I want to go visit my family (NJ) and he doesn't. His family does N-O-T-H-I-N-G. It's a big bone of contention and we're having a War of the Roses moment in life. Thankfully, we have no chandeliers and high ceilings!oh MQ that bites...I'm so sorry....since its a dear abby moment....I vote for chucking th whole argument and holding onto each other...iknow iknow...like go rent a video and get some margaritas and oh rent the kids another video for a different room.... if not, i'm sending love.....

[mamboqueen]

don't need to rent...*LOL*

yeah...sometimes the make-up is worth the argument :)

[fascination]

don't need to rent...*LOL*

yeah...sometimes the make-up is worth the argument :):cheers: well then...there ya go

[Twilight_Elena]

I've never had a fight with a SO. Because I haven't had a SO. But in case I do sometime in the near future, I'll be sure to whine about each and every fight we get over here. ;)
Who needs Dr. Freud when you've got DF?

Twilight Elena

[Sabor]

pray for the married people.. they deserve your heartfelt compassion and charity .. invest in your humanity.. help a married person now!

[mamboqueen]

money would be fine ;)

[pygmalion]

rotfl! :lol:

[fascination]

rotfl! :lol:ditto

[Sabor]

http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/spezial/Fool/gaz.gif

[Jmatthew]

I'm not sure why I'm still single, and most of my friends are confused by it too. I spend my time around beautiful women. All I'm looking for is an intelligent, beautiful woman who wants to teach dance professionally while maintaining a good money making career, who wants to compete in West Coast Swing and spend all her free time lindy hopping and tangoing. How hard can that be to find?! :)

[pygmalion]

Uhhh... Do you want the truth? Or do you want to feel good? :lol:

[fascination]

Uhhh... Do you want the truth? Or do you want to feel good? :lol:isnt the answer to that obvious?(giggle, if I was a giggler)

[DWise1]

My friend had a salsa & WCS Xmas dance party at her place last night. One of her friends, L, brought her sister, G, who has been going through a divorce. G had never before done any partner dancing, so a few of the girls started teaching her the basic salsa step. A little later, the rest of us were in the kitchen ooh'ing and aah'ing over the desserts I had made, when we heard laughter in the next room (the dance floor room). L went to see what was going on and came back to report that it was her sister who had just had her first salsa dance (and fortunately with a very good leader). Later, L told us that it had been such a long time since her sister had even smiled, let alone laugh, and seeing her sister be able to laugh and enjoy something again was the best Christmas present she could have ever received. And now her sister wants to go out dancing with her.

Everyone! A toast! To the healing power of dancing!

What does it matter whether we're without dates when we still have dancing?

[diputs]

Everyone! A toast! To the healing power of dancing!

I'll raise my glass to that.

What does it matter whether we're without dates when we still have dancing?

Well...

[pygmalion]

(giggle, if I was a giggler)

:shock: What!?! You're not a giggler? Eeek! :lol:

[Twilight_Elena]

Uhhh... Do you want the truth? Or do you want to feel good? :lol:

I'm beginning to see why the Stepford wives were so popular amongst men. If we could make ourselves Stepford dace partners, we'd be happy happy women. :lol:

Twilight Elena

[pygmalion]

Nah. I don't want a Stepford guy. Just a guy who knows the value of giving me whatever I want. :lol:

[diputs]

Nah. I don't want a Stepford guy. Just a guy who knows the value of giving me whatever I want. :lol:
:shock:


Is this what you want? :argue:

[chandra]

She didnt say you had to all the time ;)

YOuve just gotta know the value... And do it some times...


actually...
NM

[pygmalion]

At those :argue: moments, I just activate the old feminine wiles. :raisebro: Works every time. :twisted: :lol:

[fascination]

well I personally like guys who think I'm cute when I pout;)

[Rosa]

My friend had a salsa & WCS Xmas dance party at her place last night. One of her friends, L, brought her sister, G, who has been going through a divorce. G had never before done any partner dancing, so a few of the girls started teaching her the basic salsa step. A little later, the rest of us were in the kitchen ooh'ing and aah'ing over the desserts I had made, when we heard laughter in the next room (the dance floor room). L went to see what was going on and came back to report that it was her sister who had just had her first salsa dance (and fortunately with a very good leader). Later, L told us that it had been such a long time since her sister had even smiled, let alone laugh, and seeing her sister be able to laugh and enjoy something again was the best Christmas present she could have ever received. And now her sister wants to go out dancing with her.

Everyone! A toast! To the healing power of dancing!

What does it matter whether we're without dates when we still have dancing?

:cheers:

Rosa :)

[DWise1]

:cheers:

Rosa :)

So many people I've talked with about this who had turned to dancing to recover from a divorce (mainly women -- solely because I've always enjoyed talking with women more) had sat alone and miserable at home before venturing out and starting to dance. They all expressed wonder and congratulations that I had turned to dance immediately instead of having put it off as they had -- actually, I had already turned to dancing a couple years earlier as a way to cope with that earlier event.

What I was seeing there was somebody who had been through a lot herself and had herself learned how dance had helped her, and here she was taking care of her sister by offering her something that she knew could help her. That really touched me.

[cornutt]

I'm beginning to see why the Stepford wives were so popular amongst men.

With all due respect, you need to go find a copy of the original "Stepford Wives" from the early '70s and watch that. That remake a few years ago completely missed the point.

(While you're at it, find a copy of "Westworld" too... sort-of related theme.)

[Rosa]

With all due respect, you need to go find a copy of the original "Stepford Wives" from the early '70s and watch that. That remake a few years ago completely missed the point.

I don't need to see the movie - I've spent years desperately trying to resist relentless pressure from a man who wanted to turn me into a Stepford Wife.

Finally I escaped... unscathed! :cool: :D

Rosa :)

PS: I have read the novel though, and it's creepy...

[pygmalion]

With all due respect, you need to go find a copy of the original "Stepford Wives" from the early '70s and watch that. That remake a few years ago completely missed the point.

(While you're at it, find a copy of "Westworld" too... sort-of related theme.)

Don't know about Westworld. But yeah. I just saw the Nicole Kidman/Matthew Broderick remake of the Stepford Wives. What a hideous caricature of the original movie. I couldn't believe it. :evil:

[mamboqueen]

Don't know about Westworld. But yeah. I just saw the Nicole Kidman/Matthew Broderick remake of the Stepford Wives. What a hideous caricature of the original movie. I couldn't believe it. :evil:


I couldn't agree more. I actually didn't even make it to the end, it was so bad. What a waste of talents....Bette Midler was in that, too, wasn't she??

[chandra]

I couldn't agree more. I actually didn't even make it to the end, it was so bad. What a waste of talents....Bette Midler was in that, too, wasn't she??

Huh... Im glad I didnt see it then...

[pygmalion]

Huh... Im glad I didnt see it then...

Don't waste your time. :?

[chandra]

*sigh* The time Id waste if it wasnt for DF

_^

[Twilight_Elena]

Don't know about Westworld. But yeah. I just saw the Nicole Kidman/Matthew Broderick remake of the Stepford Wives. What a hideous caricature of the original movie. I couldn't believe it. :evil:
That's the one I saw. Perhaps I should read the book...

Twilight Elena

[lynn]

*sigh* The time Id waste if it wasnt for DF

_^

my thoughts exctly......

[pygmalion]

That's the one I saw. Perhaps I should read the book...

Twilight Elena

No. Just see the original movie. Hint: It wasn't a comedy. :? :lol:

[Twilight_Elena]

No. Just see the original movie. Hint: It wasn't a comedy. :? :lol:

I'll rent. Meanwhile, I'm booking my new Advanced group classes with this great teacher who does tons of technique! :D
Whoops, that was random.

Twilight Elena

[Mr. Dance]

Im happily married for 5 years now, my wife isnt into any type of ballroom or latin dance so I have to do it on my own with a partner who is a mutual friend of ours from my work. Works out well for us so far.

[SPratt74]

Just curious. A bunch of people in the forums keep mentioning the difficulties of dance relationships, and relationships in general. And I won't name them, but there are some really flirtatious guys and gals in the forums, looking for dates. So how many of you are in committed relationships? I'll make this a poll, so you can be anonymous if you want. :wink:

And, if you care to comment, does your commitment/relationship status have anything to do with your dancing, good or bad?

I know that this is an old thread, but I'm not looking for anyone right now. I just got out of a long term relationship last year, and I'm now getting into the mood to where I feel comfortable with flirting. However, I do believe in fate though. So, anything is possible at any given time.

[Sagitta]

Im happily married for 5 years now, my wife isnt into any type of ballroom or latin dance so I have to do it on my own with a partner who is a mutual friend of ours from my work. Works out well for us so far.Wonderful. :-)

[delamusica]

Where's the "happily in a moderate-term relationship, open to marriage but not yet planning on it?" :)

My bf and I have been dating for about a year, and it's going great. He doesn't dance at all, but comes with me to socials very occasionally and will do a few dances with me (he's gotten down the basic step for am. foxtrot, tango, and rumba - and that's plenty for me! ). I've learned the basics of football and go watch the high school team he coaches. He's learning about classical music because that's what I love. I'm learning about art because that's what he loves. Together we've decided to start home-brewing beer as a hobby. We come from very different backgrounds and have very different interests, but we have very similar personalities and senses of humor, and we compromise well. :) He doesn't always expect me to watch football with him, I don't always expect him to come dance with me. But we both make time to learn about and experience the things that the other loves - just not ALL the time. ;-)

Every now and again I'll dance regularly with a lead at a salsa club, and then he'll ask me out, find out I have a boyfriend, and stop dancing with me. But hey - their loss. There are plenty of good dances to be had. :)

[pygmalion]

Where's the "happily in a moderate-term relationship, open to marriage but not yet planning on it?" :)


Under other? :wink:

Sounds like you have a nice relationship there -- off to a good start.cool:

[Sabor]

relationships? naah.. i'm a one night OR a few nights (if she was real good) kinda guy.. then we become friends for life.. LOL

[fascination]

something to be said for friends for life in spite of what has or hasn't happend sexually IMO...