Adventures of a beginner

[Canadian Guy]

Hello all,

Just wanted to share an experience I had recently and get some feedback from the more experienced folks.

A little background about me, I have never been into dancing before until someone asked me to help her out and be a partner for her Salsa lessons. I was in one of those points in my life where I was bored and wanted to try something new. That was last summer and I am still taking lessons and going out to clubs every week. I still have to really concentrate to feel the beat and I still have to count in my head to get the correct timing. I know that I don't always keep the timing consist and I am working on these as well as learning new figures.

Anyways, I was at a dance and I asked a lady for a dance who was sitting by the side who I have never seen or met before. She say yes and stood up.

Strike 1 for me :shock: , I am a short guy and woman are usually at my height or taller but this lady had about a 10-12" height advantage on me. Ok, take a deep breath, I can do this, I have danced with woman who are taller before, just keep the timing, and raise my arms higher for the spins. I say to myself.

We start to dance and strike 2 for me :shock: , she is an advanced level dancer, where I am doing the basics steps 1,2,3...5,6,7 she filling in her 4 and 8 with fancy steps. Ok, do not panic yet, maybe she can give me some pointers afterwards, she can show me some new moves, I have danced with more advanced dancers before, this could be a start of a new friendship. Just keep the timing I tell myself. I try some basic turns, ok that worked, tried some hand switches - no go, tried some checks - no go, back to cross body leads and basic turns - ok, those are working. As I am racking my mind for more moves, she stops me and say, Do you mind if we stop and walks away. :cry:

We didn't even finish 1 song. I think the song ended 30 seconds after she walked away.

I know that I am just a beginner still learning to dance but is it too much to expect a woman to at least finish 1 song after accepting a dance?

I think I would of felt better if she had just not accepted my invitiation than accept it and leave before the song was finished.

[MadamSamba]

Canadian guy, welcome! Know that you're not the one in the wrong. I had a similar experience (http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=1828&highlight=) a few months back and here are some of the reactions to my post.


Unless a dance is bordering on the physically dangerous, most people have the gumption and kindess to stick it out for three minutes. Having been through pretty much what you've been through, I'd say the problem was hers and, frankly, you shouldn't waste your time and energy worrying about what someone who's obviously uncouth and ill-mannered, thinks of you and your dancing! Next time I'm in Canada, I'll dance with you! :)

[peachexploration]

Firstly, welcome to the DF Canadian Guy. Don't let ANYONE discourage you or make you feel bad about your dancing. An experienced dancer should have adjusted to dancing that was best for "both" of you. Sorry, she was rude. :( Unfortunately, this will happen every once in a while even with so called "advanced" dancers. Just keep dancing. :banana: Before you know it, she'll be fighting everyone just to get a dance with you. :P

[LindyQuest]

Welcome, Canadian Guy! :D
I agree - that lady was RUDE! If she was that uncouth on the dance floor, I'm sure she's just the same in day-to-day life, so don't be too upset. I'm sure you will meet many kind and pleasant follows in the future!

[pygmalion]

Hi Canadian Guy! Welcome.

I think you'd be surprised how many DF members have "walked off the dance floor" stories. I have one. It's amazing how many rude and nasty people there are out there. I'm glad to say that most people aren't, though. Hang in. 8)

And welcome. :D

[vey]

Welcome Canadian Guy :cheers:

I wouldn't worry about the woman in question if I were you, it was a rude behaviour on her side.



Strike 1 for me :shock: , I am a short guy and woman are usually at my height or taller but this lady had about a 10-12" height advantage on me. Ok, take a deep breath, I can do this, I have danced with woman who are taller before, just keep the timing, and raise my arms higher for the spins. I say to myself.
That's a great attitude! I've actually seen men dancing with ladies who had 12-24" advantage and leading absolutely beautifully (ladies didn't have not only to duck but even to bend their knees!)

maybe she can give me some pointers afterwards, she can show me some new moves, I have danced with more advanced dancers before, this could be a start of a new friendship.
Based on my experience, a person following a nonwritten dance etiquette won't provide unsolicited feedback/pointers unless asked. But again, in this particular case, it probably wouldn't work anyway, since she was already rude to you....

[Sagitta]

Welcome to DF Canadian Guy!! Glad to have you on board and contributing! :D We all have such experiences. Such people don't have any manners. Dancing is a social experince like many others and there is this minority who are uncouth and who don't care to follow proper etiquiette. Just blacklist that lady and carry on!! :)

[SDsalsaguy]

Ditto to all of the comments above. Assuming no extenuating reasons, a simple mismatch in ability levels is no reason to be rude... and, as you suggest, if she didn't want to dance she should have declined your invitation in the first place -- oce accepted, however, her behavior is fairly inexcusable. :x

[DanceMentor]

I always try to emphasize how important it is to enjoy dancing. If you have enjoyable experiences while learning to dance, chances are you will stick with it, gain confidence and get better. I really makes me mad when someone tries to make someone feel bad about dancing. In a group class situation, I try to emphasize how the class is going to learn faster, allowing me to cover more material, if people will others who are not learning as quickly. Also, it is not uncommon for people who start out slow to improve quickly and supass the people who appeared to learn fast initially.

[danceguy]

Candian Guy,

Thank you for sharing your post...I can so relate as I am a very inexperienced Salsero myself who has only been into the club scene for the past 3 months.

Getting left on the dance floor can be a really hurtful experience. Both times its happened to me have been with women I knew, particularly when they were trying to lead themselves through moves that I didn't know how to lead and were dancing above my level. How do they expect us beginners to learn if the ladies do stuff like this? Advanced people should be encouraging more folks to become part of the Salsa community, not hurting their feelings to the point that they may want to give up! :evil:

So I just go to have fun, and I ignore the cliques and unpleasant folks, and unfortunately I have already greylisted a few gals who have been unpleasant towards me. It is sad that people do this, but in my view anyone who can't dance with a beginner doesn't really know that much themselves...

Luckily there are many kind hearted women who are fun to dance with and enjoy dancing with guys like you and me. I'm even getting some of them asking me to dance these days...I don't know if its because I'm getting better or they think I'm cute, but either way, its all good! :P

Keep on dancing!

Best,

SG

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

Wellcome Canadian Guy!!

I agree with eveyone´s comments. Don´t get discouraged. This has happened to overyone. Let this minor setback prove to be something that will motivate you to go on. Someday, not so far away, she will be getting in line to dance with you. I can assure you that the first time you have an advanced girl ask you for a dance, you´ll feel fantastic about yourself. You´ll completely forget about all the hard and long hours you spent learning to dance. It´s well worthwhile. :lol:

I really makes me mad when someone tries to make someone feel bad about dancing.

Yes, DanceMentor, this can really wound our dance ego. :cry:

[SDsalsaguy]

I really makes me mad when someone tries to make someone feel bad about dancing.
Yes, DanceMentor, this can really wound our dance ego. :cry:
What makes it worse is that I think for many people it is not just their dance ego that gets injured... :(

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

I really makes me mad when someone tries to make someone feel bad about dancing.
Yes, DanceMentor, this can really wound our dance ego. :cry:
What makes it worse is that I think for many people it is not just their dance ego that gets injured... :(

I think first our dance ego gets injured, than about two seconds later, our "general" ego gets crippled as well. :(

[Hank]

I divide dancers into 3 phases:

1. The intimidation phase: 0-3 months. People feel inadequate and intimidated and believe that everyone else is better than they are. They can be unintentionally rude because they are completely focused on themselves and their own feelings of inadequacy and don't understand the rules of dance etiquette.

2. The overconfident phase: 0-2 years. They have overcome feeling intimidated and now think of themselves as a good dancer. Unfortunately, the pendulum has swung too far from the intimidation phase. People can be rude because they define a successful dance as one in which they got to perform everything they know. They have no idea how bad they really are.

3. The realistic phase: the rest of your life. People are much more focused on their partners instead of on themselves and are more humble about their own dancing. The more they learn about dancing, the more they realize how much is left to learn. Their goal is to dance together as a single unit. A successful dance is one in which we both had fun.

I have personally experienced all of these phases, and have watched countless others do the same.

[David]

I divide dancers into 3 phases:

1. The intimidation phase: 0-3 months. People feel inadequate and intimidated and believe that everyone else is better than they are. They can be unintentionally rude because they are completely focused on themselves and their own feelings of inadequacy and don't understand the rules of dance etiquette.

2. The overconfident phase: 0-2 years. They have overcome feeling intimidated and now think of themselves as a good dancer. Unfortunately, the pendulum has swung too far from the intimidation phase. People can be rude because they define a successful dance as one in which they got to perform everything they know. They have no idea how bad they really are.

3. The realistic phase: the rest of your life. People are much more focused on their partners instead of on themselves and are more humble about their own dancing. The more they learn about dancing, the more they realize how much is left to learn. Their goal is to dance together as a single unit. A successful dance is one in which we both had fun.

I have personally experienced all of these phases, and have watched countless others do the same.

That's a very interesting observation Hank. And something worth remembering.

Time line wise I'm smack in the middle of phase 2, have been dancing for almost exactly 1 year. Thankfully though attitude wise I'm fairly firmly planted in phase 3, although I have no doubt I occassionally drift back to phase 2.

I've been lucky in that I've always had very friendly, much more experienced, dancers around me. Especially ladies. So I've never really had the opportunity to get an over inflated notion as to my own ability.

[TemptressToo]

I've had the opposite experience. My very first time swing dancing...I had some dance partners that were great at both teaching and leading. They were great to dance with. Then, I was asked to dance by somebody more advanced. His basic was so fancy, I couldn't follow it...it looked totally unlike the basic I was taught. So, after a few minutes of feeling like a fool being dragged around the dance floor...I gave up. He probably thought I was a real dork for giving up...but I felt like I couldn't do anything.

Today's April (myself) is a different dancer... I find I become more polished week by week and REALLY love everything I'm learning.

[Canadian Guy]

Wow, thanks for all the support guys and girls.

I will certainly keep on dancing and keep practicing.

Funny thing was that I was kind of feeling sorry for this girl before she walked out on me because I felt bad that I wasn't advanced enough to keep her interested. :oops:

Guess I didn't need to worry. :roll:

Thanks again.

[dancin_feet]

I agree with the other comments here. She may be an advanced dancer, but has no "feel" for the connection between two people when they dance. If I'm dancing with a beginner, I won't try advanced technique or styling, I'll just stick to following his lead. Otherwise it will just get confusing and the beginner will get frustrated (as you have).

Dancing is all about connecting with your partner. If someone has a big enough ego to want to dance "their" way irrespective of whether their partner can match or follow, they are not worth worrying about, or asking for another dance.

Forget her and keep asking strangers to dance. You'll find that there are more people who will match you than people who won't.

If you ever come to Australia, I'll dance with you, no problem!