Body language: how to say "yes" and "no"

[MadamSamba]

Hey, folks. On Saturday I went to a ballroom gig with a friend. Having had a really, really horrible week, I rocked up there, whacked on my shoes and danced about 12 dances straight before I realised that I was on auto-pilot.

I sat down and made a firm decision not to dance anymore but people kept asking me to dance. Eventually I thought to take off my shoes, but people continued to ask me to dance. It got me thinking about body language and the subtle way people say "yes, I wanna dance, pick me, pick me, pick me!" or "Go away. I am NOT in the mood to dance. Don't even think about asking me".

Sure there's the crossed arms and sour-puss face, but what puts you off asking a guy/girl to dance and what makes you say "whoa, I want to dance with her/him"?

[pygmalion]

When it comes to dancing, I pretty much want to project the "yes", so I stay near the edge of the dance floor, and bop around to the music. And when all else fails, I ask someone, anyone, to dance. Newbies, other women, you name it. I'm just not sitting down.

[Sagitta]

Person deep in conversation with someone else, far from the dancefloor, not dressed for dancing...all things that put me off from asking someone to dance.

The other day I was dozing after my beginner rueda class and and had both my dance shoes and socks off and someone calls me to help out as a leader in the beginner sasla class. I jumped up to do so and the teacher came over to make sure that was fine with me. So my signals seem to be I just want to chill, but I still get asked anyway and love helping out etc! Unlike you MadamSamba!!

[Sarah]

I sat down and made a firm decision not to dance anymore but people kept asking me to dance. Eventually I thought to take off my shoes, but people continued to ask me to dance.


Wierd, isn't it? I managed to wrench my knee late last year, but of course went to the club anyway, to catch up with some friends. I danced for a short while, then stopped and sat down when my knee got too achy. I'm sure that I turned down more dances that night than I ever got asked for any other night. Why don't these guys ask when I do want to dance?!?

Cheers
Sarah

[Swing Kitten]

Why don't these guys ask when I do want to dance?!?

:roll: They're male ;)

[Sagitta]

Yup. We always want the unattainable!! :wink: :)

[brujo]

buy a beer and sit down = no.
stand next to dance floor and move to the music = yes.

next question.

[salsachinita]

Why don't these guys ask when I do want to dance?!?

:roll: They're male ;)

I agree. Can't seem to get the timing right :roll: !

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

Why don't these guys ask when I do want to dance?!?

:roll: They're male ;)

I agree. Can't seem to get the timing right :roll: !

Why simplify things when you can complicate them... 8)

[Neil]

I know a girl who always takes a sling with her when she goes out dancing. When she doesn't want to dance anymore, she puts her arm in the sling and nobody asks her to dance.

[pygmalion]

*giggle* Works for me. :lol: 8)

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

I know a girl who always takes a sling with her when she goes out dancing. When she doesn't want to dance anymore, she puts her arm in the sling and nobody asks her to dance.

Funny you should mention that. I once danced an entire song leading the lady with her right arm. Guess the sling thing wouldn´t stop me from asking her... :wink: :wink: Now if she had a broken arm as well as a broken leg, I probably wouldn´t ask, or would I....

[pygmalion]

Maybe it's the fact of seeing her go from fine to arm-in-a-sling that keeps people from asking. *shrug*

[bordertangoman]

I believe that this is largely due to the inconsistency of female behaviour.
for instance girlfriends who you wait eagerly for hours to turn up and they go off and dance with someone else.

Or they say no to you with an excuse then less than a minute later dance with another.

As for body language nothing short of pretending to be a corpse or hopelessly drunk will deter the confused male. :roll:
especially if we're shy and have spent ten minutes building some courage to ask you in the first place.

[pygmalion]

:lol: :lol: Mea culpa. I can't help it. I'm one of those inconsistent females. LOL.

I think you bring up a good point, though, bordertangoman. Maybe having to summon the courage to ask lessens the chance that guys will be able to see and take the hints that lady's body language provide. Once they have the courage, they just have to ask.

And also, what one woman's body language says, may mean something totally different coming from someone else. Hmm. :roll:

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

:And also, what one woman's body language says, may mean something totally different coming from someone else. Hmm. :roll:

Very true Pygmalion! I don´t usually ask ladies who have a gloomy face, seem to be depressed, or look like they wish they were someplace else because it increases the risk of getting turned down. However, sometimes I get suprised from their reaction. Instead of turning me down, they accept and say something along the line of "Thanks for rescuing me from boredom". It´s kind of hard for the man to know what´s going on inside the woman´s mind. It´s the "inconsistency of female behaviour" thing mentioned by BordermanTango...