Financial issues + Dance - Advice?

[emily13]

Well...my parents are trying to take my Latin and Ballroom dancing away from me. I've gone fro, taking 4 classes a week to jsut one, to help save money, but it's still too expensive. My studio uses a 10 hole punch card. The punch card is valid for 10 private lessons, and is $430!!!! Holy cow, pricey, I know. So I do 1 lesson a week, which gets me through a month and a half (about.)

Now I ask for ballroom shoes...and my parents have totally FLIPPED. At my dance studio, my teacher sells brand new shoes for only $65-$75, wide selection and name brand. When I told my parents, they nearly choked.

So they jsut got finished telling me I need to quit this dancing because it's too expensive and they told me I'll never be good enough to compete and win money, which really upset me :/ They also think the latin dancing is too "sexy."

I don't know what to do. I LOVE the latin dancing - it's so much fun and I've gotten far with it. I really don't want to give it up. Any suggestions? :/

Thanks.

-emily13

[MissBallroomBear]

It's unfortunate that your parents feel this way. Do you do anything else besides dancing? Perhaps you could give something else up in exchange for continuing to dance.

Perhaps you could also start working. I know there are some places in Australia that allow you to work for them at the age of 13.

If you aren't above emotional blackmail, perhaps you could try, "Why don't you want me to be happy?" Of course, I only do it if it's absolutely necessary.

Maybe you could look at changing studios. I'm not really sure of the prices in America and what's fair and what's not but maybe you'll be able to find a more affordable studio.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Nobody likes to be told that they can't do something they love. I will keep thinking about it but this is all I can come up with for now. I hope you parents are able to see reason soon.

[jwlinson]

Ouch...

As far as shoes go, you can usually find good cheap shoes on Ebay. My DP/GF found a pair of Supadance practice shoes in excellent shape for $20 WITH shipping.


Does your studio offer group classes? I know our studio has groups for $25 per person per month, one lesson a week. Might compromise with the folks that way.

Might have your instructor talk to your folks to answer any problems/questions/worries they may have.

Hang in there. Hopefully it'll all work out for you.

[suburbaknght]

First off, those are extremely good prices, assuming the quality of the lessons is there. Do some comparison shopping and you'll see. Second, if you feel the lessons are of good value then you should be willing to pay for them yourself. I see from your profile that you're only thirteen and so while you can't get a job yet, you should offer to pay as much of the money as you can to your parents. Can you babysit? Do yard work? Rent your services as such out to your family and neighbors. You should be able to easily make a hundred dollars a month this way and offering to go halves with your parents will make your case much more convincing.

[MissBallroomBear]

I worked out the price of your private lessons in AUD. They cost about $50 each. I'm assuming these go for an hour. My private lessons cost $75. Perhaps you parents would feel better about it if they knew how expensive it could be.

[emily13]

Mine go for about an hour and a half. My dance teacher is top recomended in my area, and is REALLLLLY good. She's gone to worldwide competitions and has come home with several firsts.

Group classes are about 5 bucks each, but tend to run late at night :/ And since I'm about an hour and a half away from the studio and gas is expensive, it makes it that much harder.

[danceronice]

$43 per private lesson? Assuming the teaching's quality, that's REALLY good. That's less than I pay even for skating lessons from a mid-tier coach (assuming that's per 45 minutes or per hour--for skating I pay $60/hour, and for a top coach would be more like $80-90.) Also the price for the shoes, if they're mid-range quality, also sounds like a steal.

Though, yeah, dance is expensive in general. I work three jobs, and my parents still very generously help me out a lot. (They'd do that without the dancing, but that's just because they're nice that way.) I would agree with MissBallroomBear's suggestion--is there something else you can give up instead? I dialed my skating way back to pay for ballroom. In fact, now I teach recreational skating to help PAY for ballroom.

As for the whole "Latin is too sexy" thing....well, I can't help you much there except to say dress conservatively for practice (the pros I know who have juniors don't put them in anything revealing even to compete because it's not considered apropriate.) And demonstrate this is about *dancing*. It's like acting.

[MissBallroomBear]

For those prices, I'd consider moving countries!

[chandra]

I cant agree more with the offering to help pay for part or all of your lessons. Sometimes you have to do that when you really want something!

When I was about your age I got a paper route to pay for my theatre lessons. The studio let me pay have price, because they knew I had to pay for it myself. You could consider talking to your teacher about why you are taking lessons, see if you could work for the studio in exchange for lessons or something? Some studios have scholarships like that...

[emily13]

Thanks for the help all :D
I'll forward it to meh Mom ^_^

[MissBallroomBear]

May the DF force be with you.

[elisedance]

Maybe you should read the thread through carefully before you forward - it might be better to cut out all the useful advice to make it easier to read.

I agree with the comments above. Your parents have been very generous up to now supporting your interest and you should be very grateful for that since obviously it has involved sacrifices for them. As suggested above, probably the best strategy is to raise the money yourself as far as possible - at least to the point where the costs are what they might expect to pay for another, more common, interest such as soccer or painting. You could also research how much it would cost to do ballet - a more usual dance hobby for a young woman - and try to make up the difference.

By the way, before taking up ballroom I would probably have reacted to latin dancing as your parents have without any experience in it although I would not now. Maybe you can get them more involved in the studio - or even get them to take up dancing themselves!

[Indiana_Jay]

I agree that your studio's price for private lessons is an exceptionally good deal. But an exceptionally good deal means nothing to a family who can't really afford it. And for many families (perhaps even the majority of U.S. families), $43/week for a child's hobby is just out of reach.

Therefore, unless you are intimately familiar with your family's budget (not the case for most U.S. 13-year-olds), I hope you won't try the emotional blackmail thing.

I also agree that if your family can't afford the expense, your only options are to 1.) try to raise the money yourself and 2.) cut back.

I believe I read that you're also taking ballet lessons, so you might have to decide which you enjoy most and give up the other.

With regard to the sexiness of Latin dances, I understand your parents' concern. My LW and I were surprised at some of the moves pre-teen competitors did at a competition we recently watched. It was even a little disturbing. But then we reminded ourselves that while movement might look sexual to us adults, to the preadolescent kids, it's probably just movement, with no sexual context. If your lessons continue, it would be a good idea for your parents and your instructor to talk, so they can understand the moves you are doing and perhaps reach an agreement regarding any movement they'd prefer you not use.

Hope this helps.

-IJ

[fascination]

hang in there emily..the good news is that you can practice as much as you want, that many colleges have teams, and barring that, you are never too old to ballroom dance even if they do stop supporting it....it is hard under circumstances like this, to have to try to understand their perspective...and certainly no one should ever be told they aren't good enough...your potential isn't even theirs to predict....good luck to you...practice hard...make it hard on their conscience to take it away...

[Indiana_Jay]

I forgot to add that the statement that you'll never be good enough to win money at competitions is irrelevant.

Dancers don't win cash until after they turn pro, anyway. Amateurs can win scholarships (to pay for future competition entries, for example), but a pretty small percentage of competitors ever win one.

The comment you relayed sounds like something someone might say in frustration, but if your parents truly believe that winning competitions is the only reason to take ballroom dance lessons, they apparently fail to understand the many other benefits. Some education for your parents on that point might be helpful, unless they just flat out can't afford the lessons, in which case I guess it doesn't really matter how well they understand the benefits.

[Peaches]

I sympathise. I grew up horse-crazy, but ended up hearing a lot of the same things you're talking about. There's no future in it. It's too expensive. Etc., etc., etc. It's hard, I understand. But not hopeless.

I'll echo I_J. They truly might not have the money. That was the case with my parents, but it was years before I really came to appreciate it. They tried, but it just wasn't a possibility. And I was told plenty of other "reasons" why they "wouldn't" pay for lessons (when, really, they couldn't)--when really they didn't want me to worry about them not having enough money, so they tried to hide it.

If you're taking ballet, as well, then I hardly think you're being fair. (I'm not trying to be mean.) You might very well have to pick.

Other than that, make a way to stay involved, if it's what you really want. It might not be as much, or as often, or maybe even exactly what you'd ideally like to be doing, but find something if it's that important to you. I couldn't take riding lessons, but I worked on horse farms in exchange for getting to ride a bit. I became a barn rat--always hanging around, helping out a bit, hanging out with friends there--just for the opportunity to be around horses.

The other possibility, which was not open to me, is to get a job. If you're parents can't or won't pay, and it's that important...do it yourself. I wasn't allowed to work through high school, so I couldn't. But plenty of my friends were in the same situation, and worked every spare moment (not at the barn, and not at school or doing homework) to pay for their addiction.

[BM]

Maybe you can get [your parents] more involved in the studio - or even get them to take up dancing themselves!

That's what I did! :D
Sort of . . . they took their first lesson, but they've yet to practise. :rolleyes:

I'll also put in a vote for the work-study at the studio (work in exchange for classes/lessons). It has served me well.

[danceislove]

$43 for 1 1/2 hours is an insanely good price. I am in the same state as you are and our studio charges $70/45 min. The studio that my partner and I get coaching at charges $90/45 min. But honestly as a beginner there is no reason you couldn't compromise with your parents and take say one private lesson a month and 4 group classes a week or something to that effect.

Good luck I too know what its like to get that kind of pressure from your parents. Its a constant struggle for me (and I'm 26!). The problem is most people that are not involved in dance tend to not see the value in dancing, that it is frivolous. Very frustrating for someone who loves it!

[Peaches]

How good the rate is or not is completely irrelevant if her parent's simply don't have that money. Which it could be.

[MissBallroomBear]

Therefore, unless you are intimately familiar with your family's budget (not the case for most U.S. 13-year-olds), I hope you won't try the emotional blackmail thing.


I'm aware that I brought up the emotion blackmail thing and in hindsight, it was exceptionally poor advice to give. That was a teenagers' response to her parents telling her that she would never be any good. Nobody should ever tell someone that, esspecially not a parent to their child. They really didn't have a right to say that. Emily, please ignore my advice and go with the other opinions voice in this thread. They have a much more logical approach. I apologise if I offended anyone.

[catsmeow]

Good point about the emotional blackmail Miss Ballroom. In my limited experience raising two girls, I found holding the breath and stamping the feet to work wonders

[fascination]

I still have a foot stomping tendency myself...except it isn't very endearing or effective anymore...drats...pout..stomp

[Indiana_Jay]

Good point about the emotional blackmail Miss Ballroom. In my limited experience raising two girls, I found holding the breath and stamping the feet to work wonders

What, when they do it, or when you do? :)

[Indiana_Jay]

That was a teenagers' response to her parents telling her that she would never be any good. Nobody should ever tell someone that, esspecially not a parent to their child. They really didn't have a right to say that.

I quite agree that making such a comment to a child is not ideal parenting behavior. I hope that it was the product of frustration (perhaps frustration with the inability to afford what the child wants) or exasperation (from dealing with a child who does not understand the financial situation) and not an example of typical behavior on the part of Emily's parents.

And good on you, MBB, for your ability to see the other side and retract your advice. That showed maturity beyond your years.

-IJ

[MissBallroomBear]

And good on you, MBB, for your ability to see the other side and retract your advice. That showed maturity beyond your years.

It sometimes happens. It partly makes up for my immaturity the rest of the time.:rolleyes:

[Joe]

I still have a foot stomping tendency myself...except it isn't very endearing or effective anymore...drats...pout..stomp
But have you tried holding your breath?

[fascination]

not going to do that b/c I think the dudes around me would let me fall to the ground

[Peaches]

So...

Stomp, pout, stomp...dramatically flop to the floor...then hold your breath.

It might not accomplish your objective, but at least you won't injure yourself falling.

[fascination]

something to ponder

[Peaches]

It also sets things up nicely for if you want to do the little-kid thing of lying down on the floor, banging your feet around, and then generally contorting yourself and/or scooting yourself in a circle a bit before holding your breath.

I mean, if you're gonna have a tantrum, you may as well have a tantrum!

[FatBaldGuy60]

It also sets things up nicely for if you want to do the little-kid thing of lying down on the floor, banging your feet around, and then generally contorting yourself and/or scooting yourself in a circle a bit before holding your breath.

I mean, if you're gonna have a tantrum, you may as well have a tantrum!

My daughter threw her last tantrum at about 3 or 4. Our solution was two pronged. First, we took pictures of her having a tantrum. Showing those to her [or other people] pretty much stopped the tantrums, since she didn't want to look silly.

Also, whenever she started to get whiny we would put on "Crybaby" by Madonna [this was about the time Dick Tracy movie came out]. She hated the song and us cavorting around the room singing it.

After that we pretty much never had to do more than pick up the camera or reach for that CD. Fortunately she turned out well and is happily married and presenting us with our first grandchild in a couple months.

FBG

[tanya_the_dancer]

As I always tell my son (almost 13), if you want an immediate answer from me, you needn't bother asking, since it will be always a "no", but if you give me time to decide, it might be a "yes". So don't demand an instant answer from your parents.

[fascination]

It also sets things up nicely for if you want to do the little-kid thing of lying down on the floor, banging your feet around, and then generally contorting yourself and/or scooting yourself in a circle a bit before holding your breath.

I mean, if you're gonna have a tantrum, you may as well have a tantrum!
:cool:something to look forward to ...envisioning how my favorite victims would handle this

[RickRS]

As I always tell my son (almost 13), if you want an immediate answer from me, you needn't bother asking, since it will be always a "no", but if you give me time to decide, it might be a "yes". So don't demand an instant answer from your parents.

We must have gone to the same school of parenting. If my kids demand an immediate answer, "No" is the default choice. If they are willing to let me ponder the question, sometime that answer changes. But my son, Mr. Instant Gratification, can't ever wait even a second for the pondering part.

[Laura]

I know this sounds awfully grown-up and old-lady like, but at some point people need to start to learn how to balance what they want with what they can spend, and how to go about making ends meet. The situation with the the dance lessons is one of the lessons that beings to teach this skill.

I've been there, too, I had a horse growing up and I worked at McDonald's after school (back when that was an actual teenager's job, although you had to be 16 to work there) plus worked out a chore arrangement with my mom so that I could pay the $65/month board for the horse, plus for things like competition entry fees and various supplies (my parents promised they would pay the vet bills). $65/month doesn't seem like much now, but this was 25 years ago :) Being in this situation made me start to have to make choices about what to buy and when, and to understand the beginnings of how to plan and budget.

It was a really big deal for my mom to see that I was making an effort to help support my expensive hobby. So hopefully there's some things you can do to make an effort, and that there's an arrangement you can work out between earning some money and adjusting your dance schedule to make this work. Good luck to you!