Significant Others--How Did You Talk Them Into Dancing?

[TemptressToo]

OK...my boyfriend...gorgeous guy with an excellent sense of rhythmn (he dances to techno--as do I). I don't think he would have a problem at all picking up the dances (especially swing). The thing is, he has this whole notion that dancing is 'gay' (no offense anyone, just his words) and won't attend. I would love for him to because having a permanent partner increases your ability to become a more advanced dancer (you can't do some of the really neat stuff without somebody to accent the neat things and assist--i.e. lifts and spins).

My question is, for those of you that have managed to talk your significant others into going dancing...how did you do it? I've already tried playing the music at home (to see if that would hook him)...AND...telling him how much fun I had and how many people I danced with. All to no avail. Any ideas? :lol:

[Pacion]

How about "accidentally" putting on videos of Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly?

What does he think of the movie Dirty Dancing? Patrick Swayze looks just divine to me :wink:

[Vince A]

Hiya TT,
You may or may not have a problem. I wouldn't force him . . . maybe let him get jealous of your dancing, and he may want to join you?

Each person is different . . .

For example . . . I've been competing for over ten years, but never thought about competing in Pro-Am until after my wife had been competing in Pro-Am for over two years. Her dancing was far supassing my dancing, and her fun level was much higher than mine. I got jealous and took to competiting in Pro-Am and Jack and Jills, etc. She is still much better than me, but I'm no longer jealous of her dancing.

Have you read all the responses in this:
http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=780

[KevinL]

The thing is, he has this whole notion that dancing is 'gay' (no offense anyone, just his words) and won't attend.

The thought that dancing is non-masculine is a whole other topic. A lot of males won't even try to dance because they think it is a sissy-pants thing to do. What? Holding a gorgeous woman in your arms, and doing things with her that makes her smile? Clearly, those guys have never had a woman melt in their arms after a dance.

The real question is: how can we convince the men of the world that dancing is a very masculine, and sexy, way to interact with women?

(The next question is for the guy dancers - Do we really want to let that secret out to the rest of the mundane males, or do we keep it to ourselves?)

[TemptressToo]

Oh yes...I've read most of it. It just doesn't specifically address my issue of how to get him interested. He would be a great dance partner (strong enought to throw me around like I weigh nothing)...if only I could get him interested.

[TemptressToo]

What gets me is...you should see the guy dance to techno. He can MOVE. He's got the whole techno glide thing down. He's probably got better rhythmn than me (which is saying a lot since a dance instructor told me I was one of his favorite dance partners).

[borikensalsero]

You want to make him dance with you. OK...

Where do you live? Take him to a salsa club, then I'll dance with you. After one song he is going to be so mad that another man can do things to his lady that he can't even imagine, that he might just beat me up, or start dancing with you just to have a chance to make you feel like others have on the dancefloor... Couple dancing is a completely different animal.

The lure must be you, not by asking but by doing, tricks and flips as fun as they are, might not attract the macho guy who thinks dancing is gay to the couples dancefloor. They might just sit there and redicule. What you need to do is show him the sexiness of dancing, the passion and how hot you making dancing look and be. Make sure to get his attention, that he sees you dancing, that he sees you creating a whole new dimession to dancing. If he isn't stubborn enough he might just have to start dancing as well. But as we all know, it is all in due time, he has to be ready to want to dance, your desire for him to dance might not be enough to kick start him. He needs to find out on his own.

He has to see for himself the part of dancing that he hasn't seen. If he still doesn't like it, then dancing might just not be his calling. Hey, maybe if you nag him enough he'll go to. :wink:

[Hank]

I think that trying to convince a non-dancer to dance is like trying to convince a non-skier to learn to ski or convince someone who isn't a musician to start taking trumpet lessons and join the band. People need to come to dancing because it's something they want to do. A lot of people have tried (almost always women trying to convince their husbands/boyfriends), but I haven't seen many succeed.

I have also seen a lot of women go dancing without their man, but they frequently eventually get divorced or break up. I'm not sure why this is; it's just my observation. It may be because the women came to dancing because something was missing in their relationship, so they were predisposed to break up. Or perhaps, dancing put them in a tempting situation apart from their non-dancing partner where they meet a lot of men. Or, perhaps their non-dancing partner became jealous and couldn't handle all the time apart, especially knowing they were dancing with other men.

[Adwiz]

he has this whole notion that dancing is 'gay' (no offense anyone, just his words) and won't attend.

This is so funny because I was there myself, even though I danced quite a bit in my younger days. For quite a few years after I got married any talk of dance, even DanceSport, brought to mind images of guys in tights doing leaps.

What brought me around was seeing an actual DanceSport competition. As soon as I saw it (on TV in my case) I realized that this was a real "guy" thing and cool too. I actually told my wife that we had to start dancing and took the initiative to get us signed up.

You can probably find DanceSport videos in your local library. If not, visit dancevision.com and order one. Probably the best ones in your situation are high-level narrated events like the US Professional Latin Championships or the SuperStar Latin Showcase videos. Blackpool probably won't quite cut it because the European style dancing isn't quite as energetic. I like the Goodlife TV event videos because they are narrated, which is helpful for non-dancers, although I really hate it when non-dancers are asked to help with the commentary. Ugh!

[pygmalion]

I think that trying to convince a non-dancer to dance is like trying to convince a non-skier to learn to ski or convince someone who isn't a musician to start taking trumpet lessons and join the band. People need to come to dancing because it's something they want to do. A lot of people have tried (almost always women trying to convince their husbands/boyfriends), but I haven't seen many succeed.

I have also seen a lot of women go dancing without their man, but they frequently eventually get divorced or break up. I'm not sure why this is; it's just my observation. It may be because the women came to dancing because something was missing in their relationship, so they were predisposed to break up. Or perhaps, dancing put them in a tempting situation apart from their non-dancing partner where they meet a lot of men. Or, perhaps their non-dancing partner became jealous and couldn't handle all the time apart, especially knowing they were dancing with other men.

Amen to all this Hank. You're a very wise man. When I first started dancing, I tried very hard to convince my SO to go with me. The harder I tried to get him to join in, the harder he pushed back and refused. I wonder what would have happened if I'd just taken it easy to start. *Shrug* :?

In any case, yes, we ended up broken up. Partially because our relationship had issues that predated my dancing days. Partially because dancing became both a huge part of my life and a deal-breaker for him. Good old North-going Zak and South-going Zak (Anybody read Dr. Seuss? LOL) I wouldn't stop dancing for him, and he wouldn't be happy until I did. Bad stuff. :(

[TemptressToo]

Honestly, I've just always loved to dance...from ballet and jazz in high school to techno...it is just a part of me.

As far as my relationship goes...we have a very secure relationship. Both of us have interest that are alike...but also outside interests. Which is how a relationship should be. I horseback ride, show dogs, and dance...while Johnathon's hobbies include playing pool and fishing.

Of course, I'm not saying a breakup couldn't happen. I just feel because our relationship is so strong...that wouldn't be an issue. He's a very mature guy and very intelligent...I could go on for hours about how in love we are...even after six years...because we built our relationship the right way. I just wouldn't want to make you all ill. ;)

[pygmalion]

No offense, TT. Then why try to convince him to dance with you? You and he share lots of activities. So why can't you just let dancing be the thing you do on your own, while he's doing something fun on his own. Then, when you get back together, you'll have lots of interesting conversations. Nothing wrong with that, that I can see.

[Vince A]

TT,
If I missed it I'm sorry, but I hope you both take an interest, even if only a spectator, in the other's hobby . . .

Pass this on to him . . . since he may think that dancing is too "foo-foo" (spelling??? - never wrote that out before) for guys. A few weeks ago, my wife and I taught Night Club 2-Step to 50 couples - a hundred people! I actually received threats from some of the men that they were going to "break my legs," or "rough me up" for doing this and attempting to get them to do it. I stood my ground and said "Let's go outside and discuss this." No one went outside. No one got upset about dancing. The "guys," bottomline, just thought it was "too feminine" for them to do.

Afterwards . . . strange things happened. The men did learn how to dance, albeit, just the basic footwork, and I had one very, very large and muscular contruction worker (if he had wanted to go outside - I wouldn't have - I'm not stupid) tell me that he had thought that our 2 1/2 minute routine/demo that we did prior to teaching, was "very beautiful," and didn't know guys could move like that. He didn't think it was "foo-foo," and lastly he admitted . . . get this . . . he had tears in his eyes because he thought it was "so beautiful."

Tell Jonathan, to swallow his pride and take his techno abilities and move them over with you and your dancing. I bet he can be great at "couple" dancing - Salsa . . . WCS . . . oh yeah!

[tsb]

OK...my boyfriend...gorgeous guy with an excellent sense of rhythmn (he dances to techno--as do I). I don't think he would have a problem at all picking up the dances (especially swing). The thing is, he has this whole notion that dancing is 'gay' (no offense anyone, just his words) and won't attend. I would love for him to because having a permanent partner increases your ability to become a more advanced dancer (you can't do some of the really neat stuff without somebody to accent the neat things and assist--i.e. lifts and spins).

My question is, for those of you that have managed to talk your significant others into going dancing...how did you do it? I've already tried playing the music at home (to see if that would hook him)...AND...telling him how much fun I had and how many people I danced with. All to no avail. Any ideas? :lol:

it's not clear to me what he considers 'gay' in dancing - as you say he will dance to techno. is it the partnering aspect?

[TemptressToo]

It must be the partnering. As for being supportive of each other's hobbies...we are to an extent. I myself am a lousy pool player...but I do go an watch and even play if I'm feeling like being cremated. I also like to fish (fresh water) and go out on the boat (salt water). I DO become a fishing widow in the spring because he basically camps on the end of the pier. So...no...I don't sit on the end of the pier day after day and watch him fish....but I do encourage him to enjoy himself.

As for my hobbies...horseback riding...he thinks that is cool and that horses are beautiful and powerful creatures and he likes to ride Western. Dancing, he thoroughly encourages me to participate and enjoy myself. The only hobby he doesn't understand is dog showing. He finds it boring and too expensive to bother with. I can't really blame him there because unless you are a dog person...dog shows don't appeal.

I guess I can just leave well enough alone. I was just thinking that perhaps some of you successfully talked your man or woman into dancing.

[pygmalion]

Hey. There's nothing wrong with making sure he knows you're having fun when you dance. You never know. He might come to dance on his own. If he does, all the better.

A good friend of mine got talked into dancing by his girlfriend. He did it just to please her. And the ir nic thing is that he's still dancing now, three years after he and she broke up. So you never know.

[tsb]

It must be the partnering.

mere words cannot convey my empathy for your potential loss; partner dancing involves so much interpersonal communication at the non-verbal level i can't see how committing to working at it wouldn't improve a relationship (my future PhD thesis in marriage & family therapy, god willing), so much so that i can't see myself getting involved with someone who wasn't interested in being a good dance partner.

As for being supportive of each other's hobbies...we are to an extent. I myself am a lousy pool player...but I do go an watch and even play if I'm feeling like being cremated.

why not ask him to play against other couples & have you two play together? that way you win or lose as a team. losing all the time in any aspect of a relationship is not a good thing.


I also like to fish (fresh water) and go out on the boat (salt water). I DO become a fishing widow in the spring because he basically camps on the end of the pier. So...no...I don't sit on the end of the pier day after day and watch him fish....but I do encourage him to enjoy himself.


as long as you're free to engage your own interests during that time that's cool.


As for my hobbies...horseback riding...he thinks that is cool and that horses are beautiful and powerful creatures and he likes to ride Western. Dancing, he thoroughly encourages me to participate and enjoy myself.


so maybe the answer for now is to go dancing while he's fishing - or playing pool.


The only hobby he doesn't understand is dog showing. He finds it boring and too expensive to bother with. I can't really blame him there because unless you are a dog person...dog shows don't appeal.

you must have loved 'best of show'


I guess I can just leave well enough alone. I was just thinking that perhaps some of you successfully talked your man or woman into dancing.

it occurs to me that it would be much easier to be a guy who dances and meet someone who doesn't dance yet but would love to dance with her guy than vice versa based on my understanding of how men & women generally think. i do know of exceptions to the rule; i have a friend who married someone who wouldn't dance - and she got jealous of him dancing with other women so he gave it up. i don't know that i could do that - not that i couldn't love someone that much, but that i'd settle for someone who didn't love me enough to want me to do something i enjoy so much!

as for your situation, you might be able to influence his thinking if you frame it in a different perspective. dancing is leading and following and communcation. so make him see how much fun it can be to communicate on a non-verbal level to get you to respond - starting with no touching. i can give examples of where to go from there, but this forum is rated 'G'! but if you can get him to see dancing as an extension of that, he may just be willing to come out of the closet!

[TemptressToo]

Actually, I hated "Best in Show." There actually ARE people in the dog show world that are like that...that extreme. But largely, I didn't like it because it made the outside world assume that all dog show people are wacked and obsessed. It you had only seen Best in Show and perhaps a portion of Westminster on television, what would you think of the show world?

[tsb]

Actually, I hated "Best in Show." There actually ARE people in the dog show world that are like that...that extreme. But largely, I didn't like it because it made the outside world assume that all dog show people are wacked and obsessed. It you had only seen Best in Show and perhaps a portion of Westminster on television, what would you think of the show world?

the normal people wouldn't make it funny, but the point of satire is that there has to be a basic truth underneath it. i'd rather have people associate me with sugiyama from "shall we dance" but there's an element of aoki in me as well.

[lily]

I agree with Pygmalion - it may be better to not even try to get him to dance.

I am in the same frustrating situation as you. My fiance loves listening to the music I love dancing to, but nothing I say will convince him to take lessons or come dancing with me. I tried offering to pay for private classes, I tried inviting him along to my group lesson "just to see what it's like", I tried telling him about all the men I dance with every time I go out and what a fun time I have and how I'd so like to share that with him... Nothing worked!

So, rather than go on and on at him about it I decided to focus on the advantages of him not dancing:

I can choose exactly who I dance with when I go out
I can change my dance partner as I improve and/or want to learn a new dance
I can go out dancing whenever and wherever *I* choose
I can flirt all evening without worrying that he thinks that it's real
I don't have to worry that his flirting is real!

Keeping this in mind really helps me. Plus, I think that it's healthy for a couple to have some (not all, of course) solo activities. Good luck anyway and let us know how it goes!

[TemptressToo]

Understood and thank you. It is nice to know that our relationship isn't doomed to eternal demise because he is a non-dancer. ;)

[Neil]

This American notion that dancing is gay is interesting because the Cuban culture is so different. Many or even most Cuban women wont go to bed with a guy who hasn't taken her out for a romantic evening that includes dancing. If a guy can't dance, people might assume that he never gets laid.

Women seem to always talk to us as if we think like women too. If you tell your boyfriend that he should dance because it's so beautiful that it will make him cry, then of course he's going to think it's too gay. It's like the guys who want to talk their girlfriend into some wild, kinky sex by arguing that it will be fun, rather than going to the diamond counter at Tiffany's.

Normally, I suggest women who are trying to induce a man to dance should sweeten the pot for him by getting him a really hot female teacher. In your case, if that is you in the picture, you wont be able to find anybody sexy enough to impress him. You are already too hot. What else could you offer him? Maybe some wild sex? I'm only trying to help you. ;)

[borikensalsero]

how about abstinence????? Trying to help too :P

[pygmalion]

how about abstinence????? Trying to help too :P

Sorry. Gotta go into southern Black girl mode. (and I'm not even southern) Y'all are bad! :roll: :lol:

[TemptressToo]

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha....so funny! Yes, that is me in the picture. It is pretty funny about Cubans not going to bed with a man that really can't dance. Fortunately, I'm an old-fashioned girl...I never slept with anyone until I was in love with them and knew it would be long-term. That said, my current boyfriend was my first, I dated him for 2.5 years beforehand, and we are still together 3.5 years later and going strong.

The very idea of correlating sex to dancing is interesting (although they are sort of related).

I think I will just have to force him to go just once (if it takes months of badgering, so be it)...and if he still doesn't like it...I won't push anymore. Problem solved.

[pygmalion]

:D You are a beautiful human being. If it's important that he dance, do what you need to, to get him there. Hugs. Let us know how it goes.

[TemptressToo]

I'm probably just being selfish... I really want a permanent partner that I can advance with and do cool stunts. :lol: :roll:

[Vince A]

I'm probably just being selfish... I really want a permanent partner that I can advance with and do cool stunts. :lol: :roll:
. . . with while dancing!!!

Thought I'd help clear that up!

[TemptressToo]

Oh yes...thanks for the clarification. And my addition is, "...and my boyfriend is the most perfect choice that I can think of to dance with."

[SDsalsaguy]

This American notion that dancing is gay is interesting because the Cuban culture is so different. Many or even most Cuban women wont go to bed with a guy who hasn't taken her out for a romantic evening that includes dancing. If a guy can't dance, people might assume that he never gets laid.
Along the same lines... one of my friends married a Chilean guy and, when they came out to a salsa club with me, he related the following saying from "back home": "dance is like a can opener for women" :shock: :D :D :D

[Vince A]

This American notion that dancing is gay is interesting because the Cuban culture is so different. Many or even most Cuban women wont go to bed with a guy who hasn't taken her out for a romantic evening that includes dancing. If a guy can't dance, people might assume that he never gets laid.
Along the same lines... one of my friends married a Chilean guy and, when they came out to a salsa club with me, he related the following saying from "back home": "dance is like a can opener for women" :shock: :D :D :D
So . . . when are we leaving for Chile???????

[SDsalsaguy]

This American notion that dancing is gay is interesting because the Cuban culture is so different. Many or even most Cuban women wont go to bed with a guy who hasn't taken her out for a romantic evening that includes dancing. If a guy can't dance, people might assume that he never gets laid.
Along the same lines... one of my friends married a Chilean guy and, when they came out to a salsa club with me, he related the following saying from "back home": "dance is like a can opener for women" :shock: :D :D :D
So . . . when are we leaving for Chile???????
Ummm, the minute that bank robbery scheme comes to fruition? Heck, we'd probably be better off leaving the country just about then anyway, right? :lol:

[pygmalion]

There's an old, old thread around here somewhere equating men's ... um ... performance with their dancing ability. Don't know why that article was such a big deal. I always suspected there was a strong positive correlation. Give me a dancer any day of the week. :lol: :lol: Just kidding. :oops: :lol:

[SDsalsaguy]

Just kidding. :oops: :lol:
Why? :?

AOFBE I'd take the dancer 110 time out of 100!

[ShyDancer]

I have read through this topic with great interest. My fiance flat out refuses to come along to even one class with me. Ive tried everything from begging, to telling him about the ho guys that I get to dance with :twisted: ....even the old "If you really loved me you would come" didnt work.

He too says "its gay"

I have given up trying, I just figure he has as much interest in dancing as I do in his obsession for golf... although I gave it a go once, I broke one of his clubs (dont ask!) and I think he is glad I dont want to play now!
But if I put it into that perspective I can clearly see where he is coming from.

I also thought about having him as a permanent dance partner from different angles.......the one that stood out most for me is that if we were practicing and he stuffed up, missed something ETC.. I would probably blast him for it, and thats not good for anyone! With a different partner I certainly would just smile and say "its ok, lets start again" and do it happily. I think most ppl would excpect more from their husband/SO than from a friend....and you dont feel shy about telling them off either!

[Neil]

I still don't understand why women are so eager to to dance with their romantic interests. I thought my wife would prefer dancing with a professional. She just thinks it somehow looks better for a women to dance with her husband rather than a paid escort.

Is that how all of you women feel? Do some of you hire your teachers to go out social dancing with you too? That's pretty common in social ballroom circles around here. It's a lot easier than talking a man into learning to dance.

[Neil]

It is pretty funny about Cubans not going to bed with a man that really can't dance. Fortunately, I'm an old-fashioned girl...

So, are you saying that old-fashioned girls have to go to bed with men who can't dance? ;)

[Sagitta]

I still don't understand why women are so eager to to dance with their romantic interests.

Perhaps because of the non-verbal connection that one can experience with someone who one is already bonded with. It can be a transcendental eye-opening experience, different from experiencing nirvana with a dancer whom one is not romantically involved with. :)

[Neil]

I still don't understand why women are so eager to to dance with their romantic interests.

Perhaps because of the non-verbal connection that one can experience with someone who one is already bonded with. It can be a transcendental eye-opening experience, different from experiencing nirvana with a dancer whom one is not romantically involved with. :)

But, it seem to me that it's more likely that dancing with your romantic interest will lead to conflict. You will get more frustrated with him and criticize him. It seems to be human nature to be more polite to complete strangers than the person you care about most in the world.

[Sagitta]

Not when dancing. I'm always the best of gentlemen! :) And if there is something going on I actually have an easier time figuring that out then when we are not dancing.

[salsachinita]

This American notion that dancing is gay is interesting because the Cuban culture is so different. Many or even most Cuban women wont go to bed with a guy who hasn't taken her out for a romantic evening that includes dancing. If a guy can't dance, people might assume that he never gets laid.
Along the same lines... one of my friends married a Chilean guy and, when they came out to a salsa club with me, he related the following saying from "back home": "dance is like a can opener for women" :shock: :D :D :D

:lol: I grew up with Chileans/Urugayans/Argentinians........let me tell you, they DO think (and behave) like that :shock: :lol: !

(and I havn't met a Cuban who can't dance yet 8) )

[SDsalsaguy]

This American notion that dancing is gay is interesting because the Cuban culture is so different. Many or even most Cuban women wont go to bed with a guy who hasn't taken her out for a romantic evening that includes dancing. If a guy can't dance, people might assume that he never gets laid.
Along the same lines... one of my friends married a Chilean guy and, when they came out to a salsa club with me, he related the following saying from "back home": "dance is like a can opener for women" :shock: :D :D :D

:lol: I grew up with Chileans/Urugayans/Argentinians........let me tell you, they DO think (and behave) like that :shock: :lol: !

(and I havn't met a Cuban who can't dance yet 8) )
OK Vince, when were we getting those plane tickets agin? :wink:

[salsachinita]

OK Vince, when were we getting those plane tickets agin? :wink:

Will you guys hurry up with the bank robbing plans :roll: ......?

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[SDsalsaguy]

OK Vince, when were we getting those plane tickets agin? :wink:

Will you guys hurry up with the bank robbing plans :roll: ......?

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Well, at the moment all we have is Boriken as our :car:

I think we need some better developed plans before we try to pull this off, no? :lol:

[danceguy]

Now, now gentlemen, you're going about this all wrong! I have a plan that is a surefire way to get us to visit Salsachinita!

Are you ready for this? :banana: :banana::banana::banana::banana:


Why not take a boat?

First, we find some luxury cruise liner that is looking for dance instructors. Then, SD could teach some lessons, and I could chase women...er I mean assist him or I could even do massage therapy as there is a demand for CMT's on cruise ships (at least that's what my massage teachers told me anyway). :shock:

We'd meet up with Boriken and Youngsta somewhere down the road and chase more women...whoops I mean they would also assist with the Salsa lessons, and then we'd have our fares paid to Austrailia! :P

And eventually we'd get there via this cruise liner, all expenses paid and then hang out with the DF folks there a while. Party, dancing, Salsa, chase some more girls, eat vegemite (well maybe we could skip that), wrassle crocs and the whole nine yards...er I mean 8.1 meters for those metric using folks!

The only part I haven't quite figured out yet is how we'd make it back home...hmm...I suppose after working on the cruise liner we'd have saved up enough money from tips to get airfare home! :D

Now is this a plan or what? Who's with me?!?!?!? :P

[SDsalsaguy]

Sorry to rain on your plan SG, but no can do... I can't get paid to teach or I'd lose my amateur ballroom eligibility. :cry:

Ummm, any chance they need a photographer on your cruise ship? :wink:

[Tasek]

There's an old, old thread around here somewhere equating men's ... um ... performance with their dancing ability.

Wouldn't have happened to be about this article would it?

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_776018.html"Good dancers make good lovers, says survey"

[tsb]

I still don't understand why women are so eager to to dance with their romantic interests.

Perhaps because of the non-verbal connection that one can experience with someone who one is already bonded with. It can be a transcendental eye-opening experience, different from experiencing nirvana with a dancer whom one is not romantically involved with. :)

But, it seem to me that it's more likely that dancing with your romantic interest will lead to conflict. You will get more frustrated with him and criticize him. It seems to be human nature to be more polite to complete strangers than the person you care about most in the world.

i think this would be true if two guys were dancing together. but women in general view & value relationships differently from the way men do.

i think it would be helpful for ladies who have/have had a boyfriend who dance to share their thoughts about this if they would.

[tsb]

we find some luxury cruise liner that is looking for dance instructors.

i have friends who did it for 10 years. the rotation schedule is brutal. and nowadays you need to have a partner.

[tsb]

There's an old, old thread around here somewhere equating men's ... um ... performance with their dancing ability.

Wouldn't have happened to be about this article would it?

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_776018.html"Good dancers make good lovers, says survey"

richard powers who teaches social dance at stanford puts it a little differently. this was posted in USENET about 4 years ago:

A bunch of us guys were talking after a dance years ago and one said,
"Have you ever noticed that the best dancers are often the best lovers?"

Then when I passed this observation on to my wife Melanie, she replied,
"Are you guys just discovering that NOW? We've been saying that for
years!" ;)

What is the connection between the two? (which is why I brought this up to
a dance class.)

Most people agree that the best lover is the one who is totally THERE for
his or her partner. A "bad lover", regardless of technique, is one who is
only in it for his or her self gratification.

Similarly, your best dance partners are totally there WITH you, not just
using you for their self gratification.

(Beyond that, there is no further connection necessary between these two
realms. ;)

Does that make more sense? Now, about that "WITH you"...

I used to encourage my students to dance FOR their partners. But I
stopped saying that. Sure, this is better than self-indulgent showing
off, or using a dance partner as an accessory to one's ego. But my saying
"dance for your partner" was incomplete. It can imply that you must
sacrifice your own enjoyment in order to provide a good time for your
partner, as some kind of a gift.

And your partner's response to that would likely be, "I don't want you to
dance FOR me... I'd like you to dance WITH me.

Yes?

So I now encourage my students to dance WITH their partners. Show them that you are having fun too. Because of them. Interact. Play.

... one more analogy between good dance partners and good lovers.

Sorry if I'm offending anyone who thinks that good partnering is all a
matter of technique.

[pygmalion]

:lol: :lol: A little technique never hurt anybody. :lol: :lol: But I agree, being with your partner is one great transferrable skill. 8)

[JohnK]

Very interesting discussion, all over the map. The "dancing is gay" crock is to me one of three things - a cop out for fear of having to learn something new (and appearing a little vulnerable for awhile), a sign of fragile and immature inner self confidence ("the guys will think I'm gay"), and / or actually a "push-back" due to other dynamics in the existing relationship. Assuming these guys are aware of the "dancing is like a can opener for women" effect, I'm betting a lot of it is door #3.

This can be a touchy subject, but how does the dance-reluctant guy feel about the existing balance in his relationship? How much time / money / social exposure is devoted to her interests, how much to his interests? How much "togetherness" is each partner comfortable with, and how much "togetherness" already exists in the relationship (dancing is definitely a "together" activity)? If the mix is already at or beyond one partner's tolerance level, adding another activity will be tough. Some guys are social animals, some aren’t.

As far as "talking him into dancing", you can't. Letting him know this is an interest of yours is important. If he does not want to participate, hopefully he is mature enough to explain why. You may be able to resolve some objections, but if he perceives this as nagging, you will do more harm than good.

[Neil]

Why not take a boat?

Like this?

http://www.dance-forums.com/album/data/500/766TruckFromCuba.jpg

This photo shows a bunch of Cubans coming to Miami to make it harder for the rest of us guys to impress women with dancing. ;)

[pygmalion]

Did you hear about the Spanish language documentary up for an Oscar? I don't remember the Spanish title, but the english translation is "The Rafters" It's about some Cuban refugees who emigrated to the US back in 1994, I think , when Castro lifted the ban on leaving the country. Interesting.

Um, so back to the topic. What was that anyway? :wink: I think JohnK is proposing a reasonable approach. Whatever you do, don't nag. Ask. That's fine. But when it becomes nagging, it does far more harm than good. I know that from experience.

[SDsalsaguy]

Thanks for the great anicdotes tsb! :D

And, lest we forget, good rhythm and the ability to improvise can't be underestimated either... :shock: :oops: :D

[SDsalsaguy]

Oh yeah, on the with your partner thing (aside from being a religion to Fernando and I)... here's an older thread I'd started on that exact topic a long time ago :arrow: Lead Your Partner, Not Patterns! (http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=553)

[Vince A]

I should have stayed home today, but had to work and then go to Sacramento to drop off some stuff . . . but I would have liked to stay with this topic . . . sounded fun!

Actaully, Jonathan, Eric had the right :idea: but since you can't make the $$$ . . . you handle the teaching . . . we'll be your managers, and take care of Chilean women and spend the bucks. Deal???

[salsachinita]

Actaully, Jonathan, Eric had the right :idea: but since you can't make the $$$ . . . you handle the teaching . . . we'll be your managers, and take care of Chilean women and spend the bucks. Deal???

:lol: :lol: :lol:
You guys are fantastic......! Now, I'm not sure how many cruise ships actually does the whole Nth America-Australia route........but it's certainly a great way of making your way (slowly :roll: ) down here!

(stealing a plane might be faster :shock: .....now all we need is for Boriken to learn how to fly one :lol: .......either that, or convince John Trovolta into flying his own Qantas with all of you on board......he's done the trip before, he can do it again :lol: 8) !)

[SDsalsaguy]

.......or convince John Trovolta into flying his own Qantas with all of you on board......he's done the trip before, he can do it again :lol: 8)
OK salsachinita, you get crackin' on that angle and let us know what he says! :wink: