EDs and competition.

[emily13]

I'm really starting to worry about my dancing career. I'm developing an ED, rapidly, and I'm afraid it's going to affect my dancing.

If a competition finds out you have an ED, will they disqualify you?

Sorry if this speak is now allowed x3

Thanks.
-Emily13

[waltzgirl]

What is an ED?

[emily13]

Eating disorder.

[latingal]

emily13, I strongly suggest that you get help right away if you think you are developing an eating disorder. Talk to your parents or a trusted adult to help guide you in starting to address this problem, this is nothing to fool around with. Your health is at stake.

[waltzgirl]

It will affect your dancing. It will make you weak, without the strength or stamina to dance well. If you are not giving your body the nourishment it needs, it will begin using your muscles for fuel. And how will you dance without your muscles?

If you are having problems with eating, you really need to talk to someone about it right away--your parents, if possible, or a teacher or counselor at school, your doctor, or another adult who can help. Do it today!

If you love dancing, you need to take the right kind of care of your body. It is your "instrument" and it needs to be cared for properly so you can perform your best.

You might want to start learning more about nutrition--how much protein you need, what vitamins you need, what the best balance of protein, carbohydrates, and fat is for a healthy body. Perhaps you could re-focus your thoughts about eating toward making sure you have the right amounts of these things so your body will be best prepared to dance well.

Take care--and let us know what you do to nip this problem in the bud!

[elisedance]

Emily13. this is quite a challenge. From your post its apparent that you are aware that this is bad and what an effect this might have on you. The effects on your life are obviously way more important than just the effects on your dancing - we all have to deal with our bodies first and formost before we can do anything at all.

Have you spoken to anyone there about this? As LG and WG suggest, you must get help as soon as possible . I realize you may be a bit reluctant to mention it as it may further affect your parent's attitude to dance - but this is way more important than that. The longer you leave it untreated the more difficult it may be to get on top of it.

Please do something right away - and also do let us know how things are progressing.

<hugs>

[Indiana_Jay]

Emily:

I completely agree with the other responses. If you even think you might have an eating disorder, talk to your parents about it now and suggest a trip to your family doctor. He can help you and them determine what additional help and/or care is appropriate.

You're blessed, by the way, by your recognition of the possible problem. Some girls become seriously ill before anything gets done about it.

Keep us posted.

-IJ

[Peaches]

Go get help NOW.

[Purr]

Go get help NOW.

Echo that.

[Twilight_Elena]

If you feel uncomfortable talking to your parents and/or teachers, talk to someone you trust. But DO talk. It will help.
I empathise, seeing as I was on the verge of an ED. Dancing can push you there, sometimes. But it's not a solution to anything. It's self-destructive. It's hating yourself for not being perfect. Don't go there.
I wish you the very best. Please keep us posted and ask anything you want. :friend:

[danceronice]

Emily, I think I PM'd you before. Feel free to reply there.

AFAIK, no sport disqualifies anyone for suspected eating disorders. However, no responsible pro would let a young dancer compete if they're obviously unhealthy. And no matter what the average anorexic/buliemic thinks, they are obviously unhealthy. It makes your skin look dull, which makes you old, it causes problems with your hair, and frankly, there is nothing sexy about a pillowcase full of coathangers, which is what the severely underweight model types look like. It also affects your muscle tone and your stamina, which will kill you (figuratively in this case) especially if you're doing Latin.

And where dancesport is concerned--skinnier is not necessarily better! One of my pros put it to me this way when I was having a meltdown working on rhumba--"You can't work your hips if you don't have them!" I come from a background of sports where the ideal body type for females is a boy body and being told by someone I respected in a sport where appearance does matter that having a figure that isn't stick-straight is all right was incredibly liberating. I still have serious issues and am prone to doing some dumb things about it, but I can now remind myself I don't have to starve/work out 'til I drop because it's the only way to maintain a skeleton physique (and even then, frankly, I'll have hips. I've been down to the bones of my hips in the past and it was still 35.5"--I'm always going to have hips.)

It might not be comfortable to talk to your parents, but if it is, go to them. If you have a really good relationship with your pros or with other teachers, you can try talking to them. If you're really at ease with your doctor (I never have been but some people are) you can talk to them. If your school has a psychologist, or a counsellor who can refer you to one, that can also be an outlet. I hesitate to say "school counsellor" because honestly most are not trained to deal with eating disorders, but they can often point you to people who are.

[cornutt]

I'm really starting to worry about my dancing career. I'm developing an ED, rapidly, and I'm afraid it's going to affect my dancing.


It's going to effect a heck of a lot more than that -- by the time it gets done with you, dancing will be the least of your problems. As the official father figure of DF, I'm telling you now that if you don't do something right away, I'm going to reach my arm all the way through the Internet until my hand comes out of your screen and I'm going to grab you by the collar and drag you to the hospital, laptop and all.

Seriously, anexoria is bad, bad, bad news. It's like being poisoned, slowly. You need to do something. Now. NOW. RIGHT NOW.

And BTW: most men are not attracted to excessively skinny women. In fact, every guy I know finds the herion-chic look to be distinctively mood-killing.

[etp777]

This is definitely something you should get help on (and fact that you even admit there might be an issue and are asking for help is already a great step). i've had several friends over the years have eating disorders, including one who had to be hospitalized for it, initially for health complications related to the ED, and then later transferred to a special program to deal with it.

It's never fun, it's never easy, but you can get help, and you're not alone. It's also not somethign limited to young girls, so you're really not alone on this. Trust me, even a guy in his twenties can start to fall into this trap. Easy to get an inaccurate picture of yourself and look at an ED to fix what you think is wrong (but which is all in your head), but it's not healthy, and it's not right. Listen to everyone here, and get the help you need. You're worth it, and you'll be much happier in the long run if you ask for the help now.

[cornutt]

If you don't already know who she was, google Karen Carpenter. Read about her life. Then hunt up the Sonic Youth song "Tunic". Then you'll have a little bit of a feel for what eating disorders can do.

[Purr]

Read about the the 21 year old model from Brazil that died from anorexia.

Fox News Story, dated November 17, 2006

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,230183,00.html

[Purr]

Also go to Google and search Eliana Ramos (18 years old), a pin thin model who died of an apparent heart attack...also search for her sister, Luisel Ramos (22 years old), another model who collapsed during a fashion show and died...

[meow]

Emily13 - I understand how difficult this must be for you. I had an ED for a time, lost tonnes of weight but other than being able to shop for clothes easily it made my life hell.
I thought that being thin would make me happy - it did not. My doctor knew what I was doing and I, luckily, also knew. So, you are lucky as you know what you are doing and that it is already a problem.
When 'food thoughts' control your life, whether you eat or not, you have a problem.
To have mentioned this on DF you know you must stop this problem in its tracks - talk to whoever you feel comfortable with, but talk.
ED's are often also about 'control' - remember that you control your body and can get help. You can overcome this - talk to someone, anyone, today.

[emily13]

I want to thank all of you for your advice. I've done a lot of reading on it, seen pictures, and I know that this isn't the road I want to take. But I look in the mirror, and it's like it's a totally different person. 60x bigger, 60x uglier, just hideous.

I feel like I have another person inside of me, controlling this. It tells me what to do, what to say, how to act, etc etc. My friends have expressed concern about the way I've been acting, but I totally disregard what they say, and I blow up in their faces.

I'M FINE, I continue to lie.

But the truth is I'm not, and I can't admit that...to myself, to my friends, to my family.

I am not close with the family AT ALL. All they do is criticize me, and tease me because I get to do this kind of dancing, I've got a cell phone, and an iPod. My 2 younger siblings just tease me about my appearance and weight.

"Emily, you're ugly."
"You suck at dancing."
"You fatt butt looser."

I take everything they say for my worthlessness. I apply it to my eating habits, and everything they say kills me...literally.

I haven't started myself, force-vomited, etc etc. Ratherly, I over exercise. If I eat a bowl of cereal, I have to do a million jumping jacks. If I eat a candy bar, 300 sit-ups. I'm starting to feel myself become weaker and weaker. I have to be exercising all the time, or I feel lazy, worthless, etc etc. I eat a large breakfast and do nothing to pick at snacks the rest, and exercise, exercise, exercise.

Only my dearest friend (several years older than me - not a dancer) knows exactly what's going on, and she's really worried. This has been going on for awhile, but rather on and off. I used to see the school psychologist one to three times a week, but I don't anymore. My friend is getting really worried, and all we do is argue over the situation. Because she loves me, of course, she's trying to get me to eat. Yesterday, she said "I'm done arguing. I'm not going to lose you to a (insterstrongwordhere) eating disorder. You're too beautiful to let such a beast kill you. You're too great at dancing, and I am NOT going to let you go through this." That was the most comforting thing I've heard in a LONG time, even though she was rather upset, but it was comforting and really lifted my spirits.

So this morning I woke up, had 3 bowls of Froot Loops, but again, exercised a bit, then came on here to type this.

Sorry for the length - just thought I'd give you guys a more better explanation of what's really going on.

-emily13

[meow]

Emily, I have been there and done that, truly. I know that you are miserable about this and I do understand. But, you have to get help. It is a MUST. When you were seeing the school psychologist did you tell him/her?

Your girlfriend obviously cares about you. Ask her to go with you for help. You don't have to be alone. Ask your friend to go with you to a doctor or a clinic that deals with ED's.


I'M FINE, I continue to lie.

But the truth is I'm not, and I can't admit that...to myself, to my friends, to my family.

You can admit it to yourself because you just did! And be proud of admitting it as that takes courage. So take that courage and use it to get the help you need. Have your friend go with you - NOW.

[Indiana_Jay]

Emily:

There's not much anyone here on the forum can do but encourage you. You can overcome this problem. I suspect it will mean learning a new way of thinking. That's never easy, especially without support from family. And it is not usually possible to do alone. You absolutely must seek professional help and continue to receive it for as long as is necessary to overcome to problem. The suggestion to have your girlfriend go to the doctor with you is a good one. You can learn to see yourself in a healthy way. It won't necessarily be easy, but you can do it. Don't mess around with this potential dangerous situation!

-IJ

[meow]

By telling us, here on DF, you are seeking help. I am half a world away so, in a physical sense, I cannot help. IJ is right, we can only encourage you.

I am being completely honest when I tell you that I know exactly how you are feeling and thinking.

Add to that, having to wear glasses from the age of 2 and for 2 years, braces on my teeth. I was the horror of all horrors! But, in MY eyes. Yes, I was teased and told how ugly I was, even by family. And, I believed it.

Grab your cell phone, call your friend and organise going to see an ED specialist. PM me if you wish just PLEASE do what I ask.

[elisedance]

Since your parents have supported your dance thus far despite the obvious cost issues they must care about you at least to some level. From what you say they are not, however, easy to talk to or particularly sensitive but I suspect that if the case was presented to them the right way they would be very concerned and would want to make sure that you are not harmed. The solution may be to find a person, preferably in some position of authority that can help you broach this subject with your parents. Someone that THEY will listen to. Do you go to church maybe and if so, is there a priest or rabbi you can talk to. Alternatively an accomplished relative or anyone that your parents respect and are likely to listen to - and, of course, that you are comfortable with? If they come to realize that they are a part of the cause and also an essential part of the solution, you may find your self alread a significant step towards recovery.

I have never met you of course, but just in reading your posts but I sense that you are a lovely and valuable person - and so obviously does everyone else above. I went through a challenge as severe as the one you are currently experiencing and the caring and supportive disembodied internet 'voices' literally provided me with a route to life. While technology does not yet allow us to reach physically through the internet, as Cornutt delightfully threatened, we can nonetheless provide you with at least this distant connection and iotas of strength and support.

Time to deal with this Emily13 - feel the collective DF shove! :)

[mamboqueen]

I hope you are able to get yourself some help.

[Merrylegs]

Perhaps sharing a story may help Emily13 see it in a different light. A couple of years ago my 11 year old niece was diagnosed with anorexia and depression. For cliarification purposes she's the daughter of my sister's husband. As a family we all got involved. We noticed that she would skip meals and read calorie content for everything, even a bag of carrots. Meals were a difficult time and in the beginning no one quite understood what was happening until the weight starting falling off of her. Her Mom worked off hours as a nurse and there wasn't a lot of supervision at that house regarding meals. Breakfast was skipped and school lunches weren't being made and so at the most she was eating one meal a day when she was at her Mother's house. There was a lot more to it than this but I'll leave it there as you can probably figure out most of it.

An absentee mother with an overzealous need for "healthy eating" contributed to sending a sweet kid toward a lifetime of problems that include organ failure, infertility and a high mortality rate. The stability she received when at her father's and my sister's house turned the situation around. I am forever thankful for their clarity of mind.

What helped was that everyone in the family got involved. Meals were eaten as a group, even if it meant sitting at the table for an hour and a half. It was done in a loving way and there was an open dialogue taking place. When she would see her school counselor and family therapist (yes, it's a family disease) we found the patterns that started the downward spiral.

I'm am so very glad to say that after one year and a prescription for an anti-depressant, we have our girl back.

Weigh-ins were tough and we discovered that not telling her what she weighed helped tremendously as the triple digits loomed nearer. Evidently being 100+ pounds is a difficult place to be. Balance and communication and love and support helped my niece.

Please Emily13, find an adult that you trust and talk to them. Whether it's a teacher, school guidance counselor or an adult in your family, you need to talk to someone who can help you get through this. Don't you want to live a long and healthy life? Please contact me through email or private message if you would like. Be well.

[cornutt]

Emily, as you can see, we don't all agree on the exact best course of action to take, but that's just a quibble over details by people who are all concerned about you. The important thing is that you take some action, and do so now. Almost anything is better then doing nothing. Anorexia and other depression-related diseases are insidious because the worse the disease gets, the more it inhibits your ability and motivation to seek help. That's why you have to do something now, while you are still capable of looking at your situation objectively, as evidenced by your posts on this thread. I think I can speak for the group here in saying that absolutely anyone on this thread would be happy to correspond with you by PM (or any other method of your choosing). Just pick someone that you think you can relate to and trust. And if necessary, I'm sure we can pin down a DF member in your area who could come around and meet with you in person. Whatever action you take, please don't go try to go through it alone.

[latingal]

Thank you cornutt. I agree, none of us here are declared health and/or medical professionals, and even if we were or had personal experience with ED, I would think none of us could give specific advice as to how to cope with emily13's specific situation living here in the virtual world as we do.

What I do hear in ALL the posts (as cornutt mentioned), is that each and every one of us is concerned for emily13's well being...let's work with that, yes?

emily13, we're here....we're concerned and we would like you to get help out in the "real world". We're here to encourage you and let you know that you are a valued person, but we strongly recommend you get professional help! We'd like to continue to have the privilege of your presence here on DF!

[meow]

I ditto exactly what Cornutt and LG have said.

[wooh]

Well, I *am* a medical professional. And I'm not going to give any advice other than Emily, you NEED to consult with your doctor's office. If you aren't comfortable with that, then go see your school nurse if you have one. You need someone to guide you to the resources that can help you. None of us here can do that. You need someone well-versed in treating eating disorders, not people that know someone that's had them or saw an after school special or read an article in the paper once or even someone that's had one. You need professional advice, and anyone on this board that would be qualified to give you that advice would know better than to give advice without meeting you in person.
Go to your doctor, go to your school nurse, go to your school counselor, but the point is GO TO SOMEONE that can help you.

[chachachacat]

Emily, dear, I was under 100 ponds once as a teenager, (and everyone said I looked terrible,) so I think I have some idea of how you feel. Only some idea, because
you are special and you circumstances are unique.
It will make you feel relieved to find someone you can be honest with. Please pursue help now.

Muscles are the difference between a dancer's body and a stick-thin body. You don't want to lose you hard-earned muscles, do you? Point that foot! What if you didn't have the strength to do that? Come on, girl, you can do it!

[meow]

I certainly hope that Emily13 has sought some help and that is why we haven't heard from her. In my thoughts.

[cornutt]

Yes, emily, if you're out there, please check in when you get a chance.

[etp777]

It's been ten hours since Emily was last on board, so she may just have missed Meow's message. I do hope she'll stop by and give us an update though. If nothing else, just so we know she's read the messages here and know there's people here who care.

[meow]

Ditto that, guys.

[emily13]

Time for another update.

My eating habits are back to normal, and I am eating well. ...Well, wouldn't say WELL, I'm filling up on JUNKFOOD! My family is like...100% not healthy. Seriously. All we have around here is CANDY, and it's really frustrating me, because I'm a DANCER and I need HEALTHY FOOD.

So I talked to my parents about it. They took it offensively and grounded me for a month >.> I was sincere as possible. I said "Mom, Dad, I think that our cupboards need just a bit of improvement. I'm really trying to balance out my diet, but we don't exactly have the healthiest of foods. Could we maybe try to get some healthier foods in the cupboard?" That's all I had time to say. They got really mad, so I left.

Anyways, I've noticed that this binge exercising issue comes and goes. I noticed that about a month ago I was struggling with the SAME thing, then my food habits go back to normal for awhile, then it flares back up. This is the 2nd time it's happened.

...Scary thing is, I don't even notice it until I hope on a scale and see my weight drop 2-4 pounds.

[Larinda McRaven]

Well since your parents are not understanding the magnitude of what you are expressing... then you need to seek help elsewhere. Perhaps visit your church clergy. Or talk to your school nurse. Or simply make a call to your primary care physician.

In any case, there is nothing we can do here except encourage you to make the call. And we hope you do.

[jennyisdancing]

Well, I *am* a medical professional. And I'm not going to give any advice other than Emily, you NEED to consult with your doctor's office. If you aren't comfortable with that, then go see your school nurse if you have one. You need someone to guide you to the resources that can help you. None of us here can do that. You need someone well-versed in treating eating disorders, not people that know someone that's had them or saw an after school special or read an article in the paper once or even someone that's had one. You need professional advice, and anyone on this board that would be qualified to give you that advice would know better than to give advice without meeting you in person.
Go to your doctor, go to your school nurse, go to your school counselor, but the point is GO TO SOMEONE that can help you.

Wooh is right. Please follow that advice.

As to your parents - I am a parent and find it bizarre that your family is apparently not interested in provided you with healthy nutritious food. They should want to do that regardless of whether you dance or not. Most parents would be absolutely thrilled to hear their child say she didn't want to eat junk food!

I think you phrased your request pretty tactfully, but still, I guess it's possible they took it the wrong way. I would suggest this: rather than describing your request as healthy vs. unhealthy food, maybe you could just give them, or tell them, a list of specific foods that you would like them to buy on the next shopping trip. Be pleasant, not demanding, about it. Something like "Mom/Dad, could you please get some carrots, lowfat milk and whole wheat bread (or whatever you're requesting) at the supermarket next time you go there? Thanks."

Still, the most important thing is to get help. Please don't try to handle this all by yourself, no matter how smart you are (and you do sound intelligent). I wish you luck and care about you. :together:

[waltzgirl]

I'm so glad you're eating better now. Sorry your parents took your suggestion the wrong way.

Most teenagers spend their allowance on fast food and soft drinks. I guess you'll just have to spend yours on fruits and vegetables!

Try drinking low-fat milk. It will give you protein and calcium, which is very important for young women. Your teen years are when you build up your bones, and they are as important to your strength and health as your muscles are.

It still sounds like you could use someone to talk to about things. Is there anyone you can think of?

[Chris Stratton]

I am actually not surprised that a typical home would contain few good nutritional choices... there isn't that much to pick for an on the go meal at the 7 eleven, either. Sticking white flour together with corn syrup (the cheapest kind of sugar) is big business, and from fruit loops to twinkies its results fill our stores, and if we don't stop to think about it, our homes and stomachs.

Perhaps lunch at school is an opportunity to make some independent choices for healthier options?

Some relatively healthy things actually are very, very cheap compared - oatmeal in the cardboard cannister for example is quite inexpensive compared to sugary cereals. Perhaps DF'rs can think up some other inexpensive options.

[cornutt]

Bag salad. Greatest invention in the world. A bag of that, a bottle of dressing, maybe some sliced almonds to sprinkle over the top, and you're all set.

Allow me to expand on jenny's suggestion a bit: volunteer to help with the grocery shopping. In the process, you can grab a few things for yourself and put them in the cart. Concentrate on things that you can just eat right out of the fridge, like salad, baby carrots, or broccoli. Celery and bell peppers (try the yellow and red ones!) are good too; they go great with a bit of ranch dressing.

[Zhena]

Like everyone else here, Emily, I'm concerned for you. About the only thing I know about ED is that it's one of those things that need to be professionally evaluated ... hoping it will correct itself is not likely to work. Please do what it takes to get help.

[latingal]

emily13 and all the posters on this thread:

It's been decided that we should close this thread so as not to unintentionally give advice that might run counter to the well being of the original poster. As noted in so many of the posts, we are all concerned that emily13 seek professional help for such a serious matter, and we leave her with the thought that all the posters here are concerned and care enough to show their support.

We highly encourage emily13 to continue particpating and interacting with our members here at DF. Thank you to all the DF members for their concern and participation here.

And, emily13 you can pm one of us if you have further questions or need assistance.