Dancing when you have Kids

[pygmalion]

Other than DancingMommy (and ShyDancer's sister, vicariously) I don't know a single serious dancer with preschool aged kids. I know a few dance students with older kids, but not many. And I know a couple dance teachers who have spouses to take care of the kids, but again, not many. I'm guessing everyody's too busy to commit to the dance and their kids at the same time. I guess ...

Any thoughts on dancing and kids? Do you have any yourself, or know folks who do but manage to dance anyway? HOw does one work that balance?

[Christina75]

I don't have children, but I did have a dance instructor a few years ago who had a little girl, I think she was about 6 or 7. He would bring her to the studio with him and everyone thought she was just adorable. He had taught her to do a few latin steps and would sometimes dance with her during studio parties. I wish I could see them now, she has to be a teenager or near there. I wonder if she developed the "my dad is so lame" attitude so many kids develop, or whether they remained close because she grew up dancing with him.

Christina

[KevinL]

Any thoughts on dancing and kids? Do you have any yourself, or know folks who do but manage to dance anyway? HOw does one work that balance?

I started dancing because my exwife moved across the country with our daughter and I needed something to fill the void left behind. My daughter and I are doing much better since we've been living near each other again, but her mother rarely lets her stay overnight with me so I still have lots of free evening to dance.

There is one local couple who have been dancing for a long time, and thier two daughters are great dancers as well. The used to leave the youngest one home (despite her begging to go as well), but one night they couldn't get a sitter and let her attend as well. They've been dancing as a family ever since.

I've brought my 12 year old daughter to a couple USABDA dances, and she seems to enjoy herself. She doesn't dance yet, but she enjoys interacting with the people, so that's a step in the right direction. Last month she even asked if we were attending this month, so that's even better!

As far as how one reaches a balance between dancing and family, it's like everything else, constant adjustment.

Kevin

[virginiadancegirl]

I have a 2 year old daughter, and am lucky enough to have a spouse that's (semi)supportive of my dancing, so he has her most of the 4 days a week that I dance. My dancing is not yet full time, so we have to just work schedules around however we can. Once I am teaching full-time (if I can get up the nerve!) I plan on having her at the studio with me a lot, especially since she has expressed an interest in dancing herself. She has actually been to a training session with me...but at her age NOW, she does get a bit impatient....

Did I actually answer that question...or just ramble?? :lol:

[ShyDancer]

I have 2 pre-schoolers :D a 4 yr old son and 3 yr old daughter.
Im only dancing 2 nights a week though so it doesnt interfere with them at all really.... they either stay with their dad or my parents if their dad is playing basketball.

I dont know if I would classify myself as a serious dancer though..... I do LOVE it and think about dancing most of the day, dance around at home all the time but apart from that its just my 2 classes and a private lesson a week.
Once I finish my current medal classes Im considering starting my bronze medals in modern and NV.
I will have to think about that more carefully when the time comes though!

[dancin_feet]

A good friend of mine at dancing has three kids under 10. She and her husband have split in the last few months, and she is finding it a lot harder to keep up classes. Having to work it in around when the kids are at school, a new job she has had to take, or when her husband has the kids every other weekend. It's frustrating to her, but she accepts it as just the way life is for her at the moment.

Other people at dancing have kids, it's not an unusual occurrence. My instructor has two under 4.

[pygmalion]

Maybe it's different in the US than in other countries around the world. People here, as a rule, take dancing a lot less seriously. Meaning -- ballroom dance in the US is a social pursuit for many, and a serious sport for relatively few. In other countries around the world, the number of people taking dance seriously as a sport is much higher. There's nothing unusual about a serious athlete having young children and pursuing sports excellence. But it's pretty unusual for people to leave their young children at home so that they can pursue a hobby, however engrossing. People wait a year or two. Maybe that's why you and I see see different things.

[bordertangoman]

My tango teachers bring their baby boy along to lessons. He's in an adjacent room with a baby monitor (if asleep) and he has sat on my knee a few times during the class. All depends on the atmosphere and the venue I guess. When they're a little older and can move it gets more complicated.

[Bronzestudent]

I can't speak from experience, as I'm not married and don't have children. But I would expect dancing to go way down on the priority list after my wife and I have children, because I want to be able to devote more than enough time to being with them while they are young. You know, I don't want to dance those special years away! After the children grow up though, if the interest to get more into dancing again is there, I can foresee us making time to get out and learn more and get out and dance together once again.

One example of a "Married with Children" dance couple I can speak briefly about is my dance instructor. Her and her husband both teach dance. They had 2 children, who are grown up now, married, and they each teach dance in different cities. Have their own studio and are quite successful! So, viewed in a narrow way like that, I would consider that a success story!

Maybe it's different in the US than in other countries around the world. People here, as a rule, take dancing a lot less seriously.

Good point, Pygmalion. As always, your insight is very insightful!

[Adwiz]

Pygmalion is right on with that observation. When you think of the world of sports, nobody thinks twice about continuing on after they have kids. Both top pro athletes like Lance Armstrong and amateurs just keep going, recognizing that the kids have to accept this as part of life. But in the dance world, so many people stop when the kids come along. Makes sense if it's just a social activity, but for those who are serious about it there should be no reason to stop.

[Sagitta]

Simply a matter how important dancing is, I guess. There are quite a few family orientated dances which could be useful for those generalists who love to dance and want to spend time with their children. :)

[DancingMommy]

Well, all I can say is that the more you have, the harder it gets, lol!

Gabriella is almost 2 and rambunctious, so we can't take her *anywhere* where we can't keep our hands on her. When she was smaller, she would stay strapped in her carseat and be happy for an hour or so OR if we were lucky she'd sleep through our lessons. :)

Anabella is 4 weeks old and we could take her to lessons with us, but Gab would have to stay with my folks. Since I'm exclusively breastfeeding, it's hard to take Anabella anywhere that there isn't a nice "private" area to feed her. Don't even get me started on using the restroom as a lunch-room... If I wouldn't eat there, my darling baby isn't either, LOL!

We pretty much confine ourselves to going out to the USABDA dance once a month sue to schedules, etc. I have a feeling that when Gab is older, it will be MUCH easier to go out with her.

FWIW, we rarely go *anywhere* without the kids. They are like American Express - you don't leave home without them...

[pygmalion]

That's what I've heard. One kid is fun; two is work. Good luck, DM. And let me know if you need me to hold the baby while you two dance. :wink:

[smile_a_bit]

Hi !

My son is almost 1 year old now and I've been thinking lately how much i miss dancing. I'm considering trying to start practicing 1-2 times per week after his bedtime -- and not just by myself in the kitchen (which is so not big enough for standard anyway!).

Anyone here have small children and can share their experience with figuring out how to dance and also be a good parent? How/when do you schedule practice, who watches your child/(ren), what trade offs do you make? What worked, what didn't work?

I know there's no one way, it'll depend on what level of competitive dance you want, what your support at home is like....but I'd love to hear any and all thoughts on the subject!

smileabit
:friend:

[Warren J. Dew]

I have a daughter 26 months and a son 12 months. My wife and I never gave up dancing; we just took the kids along. Granted we spend as much time sitting with the kids as dancing, but sometimes they fall asleep, sometimes they're willing to watch quietly, and sometimes we dance with them.

Edit: a side benefit is that my daughter is now very interested in ballroom, and hopefully my son soon will be too.

[pygmalion]

Did she ever try out those adorable shoes? :-D

When I started dancing, my son was three, and it was very, very difficult to take him alone. The spouse at the time was completely unsupportive and DS was a terrible three. He was into everything all the time. I found a drop-in babysitting center close to the studio and figured babysitting into my dance budget.


There was a lot of Mommy guilt, though, because at the time, I was working full time, dragging him home to dinner, then dragging him out again at night while I went to group classes. (While the now-ex worked late or stayed home by himself. Grr.)

In retrospect, DS doesn't seem to have suffered any. He had a blast at that baby-sitting place. But I chewed my guts up over it.

One thing I was able to do, since I worked outside the home at the time, was schedule my lessons during lunch hour, while DS was at daycare anyway. It worked out well because the studio was close by, the studio schedule was a lot more flexible in the middle of the day than in evenings, and I didn't have to worry about Mommy guilt.

I guess it would be easier if both parents are committed to dance. :cool:

[Warren J. Dew]

Did she ever try out those adorable shoes? :-D
I'm not sure which pairs you're referring to, but we eventually found some Freeds in her size that fit much better than the mass market shoes. Check my pictures!

Edit: no boys' shoes until a much larger size, though. And people wonder why there aren't enough men dancing.

[tanya_the_dancer]

I didn't start dancing until our son was 5 or so. We took him along to the lessons sometimes and he occupied himself with coloring books and toys in the waiting area. The studio where our teacher rented space had a lot of kids classes, so there were always a lot of parents with siblings and the waiting room had a lot of toys. Later we took lessons at a place which was less kid-friendly, but he was a couple of years older and it helped that there was a video rental store next door (bribery opportunity :) ).

[pygmalion]

I'm not sure which pairs you're referring to, but we eventually found some Freeds in her size that fit much better than the mass market shoes. Check my pictures!

Edit: no boys' shoes until a much larger size, though. And people wonder why there aren't enough men dancing.


I was thinking of these sparkly ones.



Well, I ended up with these shoes in a size 7:

http://www.freedusa.com/dancesport/3_3w_dancesport.html

The size 7s are very slightly large on her, but at least they stay on securely. All three available styles were in silver, though I got one not quite as sparkly as the hologram finish. I wish they had a style in white, but at this point I'll take what I can get.


If she actually wears the shoes, I'm wondering how she handles the open toe. I've seen little girls struggle to keep their balance in open toed shoes. Just wondering. :cool:

[pygmalion]

I didn't start dancing until our son was 5 or so. We took him along to the lessons sometimes and he occupied himself with coloring books and toys in the waiting area. The studio where our teacher rented space had a lot of kids classes, so there were always a lot of parents with siblings and the waiting room had a lot of toys. Later we took lessons at a place which was less kid-friendly, but he was a couple of years older and it helped that there was a video rental store next door (bribery opportunity :) ).


I think a lot depends on the child's personality, too. When my son was five, a coloring book would not have kept him entertained. He hates coloring to this day. Action figures, maybe, for about 15 minutes -- not long enough to get through a lesson. But I've seen toddlers sit and quietly entertain themselves for hours.

And some dance communities are, IMHO, more kid-friendly than others. I remember having had a conversation here in DF, several years ago (I can't remember the context -- something to do with building dance communities or attendance at USADance events or something like that.) In that conversation, I suggested that dance attendance might be higher if organizers offered optional, relatively low cost, shared babysitting. And boy! Did I get shot down. I remember being told, almost in so many words, that, if you choose to have kids, that's your problem to solve, when it comes to dance.

Needless to say, I found that observation a tad less than helpful.:lol:

[tanya_the_dancer]

Now that I think about it, I don't know that many people in our social scene who have really young children. One couple has a toddler, but they also have a teenager and she babysits for them, and the other couple used to hire a sitter, when they had a preschooler and a 3rd grader, but now their kids are older, and they can be left alone. We used to hire a sitter when we went to the parties, too, but it's been over 5 years since we needed to do so. So, in an environment like this, what's the point of shared babysitting.

[bia]

The studio in a neighboring town to us has been advertising kid activities during the Friday night practice party -- seems to be babysitting combined with some youth dance lessons. Sounds like a good idea to me, but I don't know how it's working out for them. I can only think of one couple there with preschool/elementary-age kids, but I can imagine this helping to attract more.

[bia]

For ourselves, given the amount of driving we need to do to dance, I really can't figure a way to handle that while having young kids. But we'll cross that bridge if/when we come to it.

[JustAnotherDancer]

Our kid has been going to dances, lessons and workshops since he was a baby. We never stopped dancing, although we cut back frequency of social dancing and lessons, limit the time spent at events, don't go to many events or workshops, adapt as needed.

Early on, we tried harder to find babysitters and still do babysitting exchanges with other parents for dance parties- but paying for a babysitter gets expensive! There was a brief time during toddlerhood in which we switched out partway through lessons, alternating sitting with the kid and participating in the lesson.

We always make sure we have quiet entertainment (such as toys, books, drawing materials), food, water, and sometimes a sleeping bag. We always have a pretty good idea of which venues work for a kid, as there are some that don't work. Sometimes, we see kids at different studios and introduce them to each other. We check in advance with studio owners if we go to a new dance studio.

We have had the rare incident. One time a few years ago, unbeknownst to me, my husband had put lemons, yes, LEMONS, in the dance bag- apparently for child entertainment. Brilliant. In the middle of our private lesson at a studio in which there were other ongoing private lessons, I see LEMONS rolling across the floor! Right into another private lesson! WHAT?! I confiscated the lemons.

There are things we sometimes do to make the waiting good for a kid, family-oriented plans that follow a dance event. Not bribery. After lessons, on weekends, we will stop on the way home at a deli and then go to a park for a picnic and hike. Or go out for dinner after weekend workshops.

I think it is good for a kid to see that parents have shared activities. It is good for a kid to see that everyone in the family has some interests or hobbies, and sometimes we change plans for each other. The world doesn't revolve around any one person (or child). Maybe one day, the kid will start to dance, too!

Unlike other parents we know, we don't whine that "we don't know what to do for 'date night'". Shoot, we never even use the phrase "date night"! We don't complain that we gave up all our hobbies and interests for our kids because we didn't.

[opendoor]

Haven´t read the entired thread through, but concerning tango and salsa there are some events throughout the week you can visit with your children in my home town, Hamburg. F/i. Coffee-Milongas from about 16-21h on Sunday, and Salsa-brunch on saturday, 10h. Some of our dance clubs and studios have a kid´s corner or kind of another interesting area for children. So if you can shut down for a while such events can be a possibility.

[tanya_the_dancer]

Toddlers and preschoolers are probably the hardest to accommodate. A friend of mine dances with her husband and they have a teenager. They told me when he was a baby, he'd sleep in his seat, and when he got older, he learned how to keep himself busy and out of trouble, but the toddler and preschool years were the worst and they had to hire a sitter if they wanted to go dancing.

[Warren J. Dew]

I was thinking of these sparkly ones....

If she actually wears the shoes, I'm wondering how she handles the open toe. I've seen little girls struggle to keep their balance in open toed shoes. Just wondering. :cool:
Those are the Freed shoes that she wears. She wears them basically when we wear our dance shoes, at dances and practices. She has no trouble walking, running, and dancing in them.

[smile_a_bit]

hi again, thank you all for sharing, and for the older posts-- pygmalion, it's been almost 7 years since you wrote that first post!

Seems like a lot of the parents here dance with their spouses, which is probably easier in some ways (making it a date/family outing rather time away) and harder in others (cannot leave children home with spouse, need to arrange babysitting).

At a certain level, I think ballroom dancing is not all that different from other hobbies/sports which are harder to keep up with little kids -- maybe even similar to going to the gym 2-3x per week.

Added challenges are (1) scheduling with more that one person, i.e. partner, coach, sitter (2) limited venues, unlike gyms, which usually you can find near your work/home, studio locations are fixed, and may not be nearby (3) um, do i need to have a third :) ...

I have very happily started to go out for the occasional late night social after little guy is asleep and dear hubby stays home. I've also carried little guy in an ergo baby carrier during waltz practice, and he seems to like it for brief periods! Good for my foot strength. I'm hoping with a bit of planning, I'll be able to do some more.

smileabit
:friend:

[smile_a_bit]

ps. hi Warren!

[tanya_the_dancer]

At a certain level, I think ballroom dancing is not all that different from other hobbies/sports which are harder to keep up with little kids -- maybe even similar to going to the gym 2-3x per week.

Gyms are much easier in this aspect, because they usually have daycare available.

[Warren J. Dew]

Pygmalion is right on with that observation. When you think of the world of sports, nobody thinks twice about continuing on after they have kids. Both top pro athletes like Lance Armstrong and amateurs just keep going, recognizing that the kids have to accept this as part of life. But in the dance world, so many people stop when the kids come along. Makes sense if it's just a social activity, but for those who are serious about it there should be no reason to stop.
I just wanted to answer this one, too.

Individual athletes can leave the children with the other parent. This seems to happen especially with male athletes. In ballroom, competitors with nondancing spouses seem to do this a lot too.

Competitors who dance with their spouses often - albeit not always - wait until their competitive careers are over before having kids. The Hiltons are one example that comes to mind.

[mummsie]

Other than DancingMommy (and ShyDancer's sister, vicariously) I don't know a single serious dancer with preschool aged kids. I know a few dance students with older kids, but not many. And I know a couple dance teachers who have spouses to take care of the kids, but again, not many. I'm guessing everyody's too busy to commit to the dance and their kids at the same time. I guess ...

Any thoughts on dancing and kids? Do you have any yourself, or know folks who do but manage to dance anyway? HOw does one work that balance?

My husband and I have been dancing competitively since my kids were young - 4 and 6. They are now 26 and 28. My kids used to tag along and when they were old enough they did social dancing and then medals and onto competition. My younger child (son) is still dancing competitively and my daughter only gave it up when her new partner and her bought a house and they could no longer afford lessons. mummsie

[smile_a_bit]

Our kid has been going to dances, lessons and workshops since he was a baby. We never stopped dancing, although we cut back frequency of social dancing and lessons, limit the time spent at events, don't go to many events or workshops, adapt as needed.

Early on, we tried harder to find babysitters and still do babysitting exchanges with other parents for dance parties- but paying for a babysitter gets expensive! There was a brief time during toddlerhood in which we switched out partway through lessons, alternating sitting with the kid and participating in the lesson.



Hi JustAnotherDancer, can you elaborate on the earlier on stage? where these group lessons or privates? were you able to do any dancing during the week or was it all weekend? About at what age are children able to entertain themselves? (cause it's clearly not now, when my son is not yet one!) thanks so much for your encouraging reply.

smileabit:friend:

[jennyisdancing]

My husband and I have been dancing competitively since my kids were young - 4 and 6. They are now 26 and 28. My kids used to tag along and when they were old enough they did social dancing and then medals and onto competition. My younger child (son) is still dancing competitively and my daughter only gave it up when her new partner and her bought a house and they could no longer afford lessons. mummsie

If your kids were able to amuse themselves and stay quiet, well-behaved, and not bother you during your dance lesson, you were lucky. Not all kids, even good ones, can do that. Also you were lucky that your kids chose to start dancing when young, not all kids do that either.

Of the people in my dance scene, there are very, very few with young children. Most folks are either a) young and childless or b) late 40's and up with grown kids.

Of those with young kids, if they keep dancing, it's limited to whenever they can have their spouse or a babysitter help out, usually that's once a week max, often less. I've also seen a few people occasionally bring their babies/young kids to a dance, and grab a couple dances while others watch the baby for those few minutes - but that's not very common.

[JustAnotherDancer]

Hey SmileABit,

I think everyone finds his or her own way, depending upon the situation. And you will find yours, too :D You have a parent who doesn't dance, so that seems like a pretty good solution (unless there are other circumstances you haven't described). You might find yourselves switching off evenings for each other's interests.

We did group lessons and private lessons all the way along. There was a time from about age 1-2 1/2 years old that we switched in and out. But, by about age 3 yrs, the kid could sit at a table in a studio with markers and a drawing pad for entertainment easily for an hour's lesson, and shortly after that, for a 2-hour lesson (with a 5-10 minute break in the middle). One of us would break to check in as needed, and we always had the kid in sight. There was definitely a gradual build-up of our expectations, based on the kid's increasing ability to deal with the situation and length of time.

Now, I can't tolerate other people's whiney, demanding kids. So, I had a vision in my head of what kind of child I wanted to live with and be out with in public- but never specifically with the intention that we were raising a kid that could sit through dance lessons, LOL! We have been firm, fair, set limits that didn't move, and have high but realistic expectations.

I'll try to give one specific example. When I came home from work, starting when he was a 1-yr old and it was winter/dark in the evening, I would draw with him for an hour or so. So that taught focus, attention, and a quiet skill for self-entertainment.

Conditioning for good behavior in all situations isn't that much different than raising a wellmannered dog or a good horse!

Week vs. weekend... that did and does depend. Most social dances we did and do on the weekends. Lessons can be on weeknights, if not too late, but weekends were much better. Frankly, work has had as much of an effect on dance activities as a kid! I am not a night owl.

I don't want to mislead you- we still don't dance nearly as much as people who don't have kids. Dancing dropped significantly from pre-kid (or maybe career demands had already sunk it, I can't remember), but that is just part of life's rhythms.

Sorry for the rambling... hope it makes some sense!

Hi JustAnotherDancer, can you elaborate on the earlier on stage? where these group lessons or privates? were you able to do any dancing during the week or was it all weekend? About at what age are children able to entertain themselves? (cause it's clearly not now, when my son is not yet one!) thanks so much for your encouraging reply.

smileabit:friend:

[Spitfire]

To those of you with children. Have your kids taken up an interest in dancing? Or perhaps the other way around?

[fascination]

my kids grow more interested as they get older...my son has taken a few lessons w/ a gf...and my dtr periodically asks me to show her some steps to do with her bf and for things like her swing choir...she was also enamored of the pro standard when she went to millenium w/ me...too busy and too far away to get too engaged in something like private lessons right now, but it wouldn't surprise me if either one of them took it up in the future..she also loves zumba and I put alot of latin and rhythm moves into my zumba

[Spitfire]

I have a niece who wants me to teach her some stuff. Not sure how good a teacher I am though.

[fascination]

heh, but the price is excellent :)

[Spitfire]

heh, but the price is excellent :)

Yeah, can't beat that. Well, might be awhile as she is a med student who will be going to Utah for her residency.