Looking at your partner [Archive]

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dancin_feet

03-23-2004, 05:21 PM

ShyDancer

03-23-2004, 05:39 PM

Hmm sorry cant help you at all! I have the exact same problem! I find it hard to stare into someones eye with (Quote from ADwiz here) "A smouldering look of passion"

Here is another thread about looking into your partners eyes http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=2825

dancin_feet

03-23-2004, 06:22 PM

I actually do the looking over the shoulder thing quite well, but the eyes ..... Never have been able to do it. Maybe just another wall I have to break through if I want to get to the standard I want to achieve.

DancePoet

03-23-2004, 08:16 PM

Feel the music and the passion will naturely flow making looking at the partner easier. You got to love it! If you are playing and having fun, and you look at your partner, the joy just roles out and relaxes you. Then you look marvelous!

Genesius Redux

03-23-2004, 09:58 PM

I had a critique with another instructor this week on my rumba routine I am doing with my instructor. She picked up a few little things which we will work on for the remainder of my lessons, but the main thing was that I don't look at him enough.

I have a lot of trouble with this, I either end up in fits of giggles or I look then look away (usually down) way too quickly. Just can't seem to be able to hold the gaze. What can I do? Is there a way to "fake it" so it looks convincing to the audience, or should I just try to "get over it" and keep trying to look deeply into my instructor's eyes? We still have a couple of months to go before it's presented.

Can't fake it. Avoidance will get telegraphed. I worked with an actress once who couldn't look anyone in the eyes, and so always focused on their foreheads. She looked terrible and she doesn't work much now.

I don't think you (or anyone) can do the "look of smoldering passion," at least not if you think of it in that way. Passion is something you feel, not something you do, and if you don't feel it, it's not going to be there. What I would do is focus on something active--flirting with your partner, seducing your partner, playing with your partner, all things which put you in an active role.

Getting the giggles comes from being self-conscious; self-consciousness comes from focusing too much on how you are feeling. Shift the focus from what you're feeling to what you're doing, as I've suggested, and I think you'll be amazed at the difference. So will your teachers and your coaches.

dancin_feet

03-23-2004, 11:06 PM

Ok so looking at his forehead doesn't work. Was going to try that next week. Aaarrrrggghhhhh!

Just going to have to break down the wall then. Now that I'm pretty much in control of the steps, I don't have to concentrate so much on that and can think about where I am looking. Maybe if I imagine that there is a big chocolate bar in front of his eyes, I will be able to do it! :lol: :lol:

MacMoto

03-24-2004, 07:51 AM

I love eye contact! My dancing (salsa) improved beyond recognition when I discovered it.

Where the "look of smouldering passion" :lol: doesn't come naturally (like when the leader is a friend with zero romantic feelings), I treat it almost like a game of chicken, looking right into his eye and daring him to look back and hold the gaze. You look away or giggle; you lose. With a faint smile on your face, I can assure you the audience (or the partner :roll:) will not notice the difference.

It may also help if you consciously work on your eye contact with lots of different leaders (friends, total strangers, cute guys, not so cute guys...) at group classes, socials, etc. Once you are used to doing it, doing it with your instructor will not feel so awkward.

Now, my problem is I'm so used to looking into men's eyes, I find myself doing it when I'm not dancing! :shock: :oops: :oops:

Sabor

03-24-2004, 08:12 AM

I have a lot of trouble with this, I either end up in fits of giggles or I look then look away (usually down) way too quickly. Just can't seem to be able to hold the gaze. What can I do? Is there a way to "fake it" so it looks convincing to the audience, or should I just try to "get over it" and keep trying to look deeply into my instructor's eyes? We still have a couple of months to go before it's presented

LOL cute post :D

how about u look at the tip of his nose? whatcha think? could work?

I dont know.. i'm a salsero and not a ballroom dancer, so i maybe offline here, yet personally i dont like staring .. the way some people/instructors go about this .. one gets the impression that they have to go like :shock: into your partner's eyes :lol: .. i dont see it that way.. i like more of looking at different parts of them and like move from place to place depending on the mood and music and ofcourse the partner..

look in the eyes a little.. go away from that to the mouth u know.. look at the whole figure sweepingly and make them feel passionate.. in a calm kinda relaxed look .. the intense look actually would make me laugh .. its like they're trying too hard .. no thanks i like it to come naturally or not at all.. there's no choreography here .. but still that doesnt mean staring into space or at another couple .. no no.. u look at the whole being that is your partner and use it as part of your tools to enhance connection .. that is not necessary focus on eye to eye .. so yes look and then look somewhere else .. then come back .. u know mix it up with the flow of the song.. i find that to be much more appealing when dancing or seeing others dance..

bordertangoman

03-24-2004, 09:22 AM

WEAR SHADES! 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)

GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE BLUES BROTHERS 8)

dTas

03-24-2004, 10:19 AM

i dis-agree about the forehead suggestion. if you're not even looking into your partners eyes then the forehead is a giant leap forward to getting your head posture up.

looking at your partners forehead is much better than looking at the ground or his chest. there's a double bonus here, not only will you look more intimate (although looking into the eyes is much better) but you will also gain better posture and balance by getting your head up over your spine.

i say try the forhead for the time being at least now you'll be gazing in the right direction.

you can also try and focus on the eyes. concentrate on them individually instead of trying to find some hidden meaning within them (romantic). use the eyes as a focal point. before you know it you'll forget that you're looking into his eyes and concentrating more on what you should be doing with your body.

Taita

03-24-2004, 03:09 PM

My 2 cents.....

Part of the fun of dancing is the play involved. It was once attending a lecture held by by a world class adjudicator about emotional content and dancing. He went into an explanation of how it applies specifically to both standard and smooth. In a detailed explanation filled with examples, his point was simple: What happens on the dancefloor stays on the dancefloor.

At this point, a mature, shy woman held up her hand and said that this was something she just couldn't do since she had trouble even looking her instructor in the eye. At this point, he called her down to the floor. The only thing that he asked her to look him in the eye. Before she could object, he took her in his arms and did a slow, sensuous bolero with her that left us speechless. After a few measures, he gave her a twirl, and told her she could return to her seat.

To me, it was just a lesson in letting go. Get over yourself, It's just a dance. Who cares what anyone else thinks. It's just a dance. Rumba is a sensuous dance of love where the woman brings the man close to her.....

then pushes him away. Only to do it again a moment later.

You're not going to jump him if you lock eyes with him so there's nothing wrong with pretending for a couple of minutes. What happens on the dancefloor, stays on the dancefloor. :wink: .

...back to lurk mode

Genesius Redux

03-24-2004, 03:50 PM

It's just a dance. Rumba is a sensuous dance of love where the woman brings the man close to her.....

then pushes him away. Only to do it again a moment later.

You're not going to jump him if you lock eyes with him so there's nothing wrong with pretending for a couple of minutes. What happens on the dancefloor, stays on the dancefloor. :wink: .

...back to lurk mode

Precisely. 8)

All of this stuff about how to look at someone reminds me of an interview Harrison Ford gave years ago, on I think the Morning Show. It was just after the release of "Blade Runner," when Ford was making a bid to be taken a bit more seriously as an actor. He was asked about acting theory, what acting school he subscribed to, what helped him most to prepare for a part, and Ford replied, "I came from the make-believe school of acting."

Although there was no one else watching the television with me at the time, I gave him a standing ovation!

dancin_feet

03-24-2004, 05:06 PM

Thanks guys, will try some of your suggestions next week and see how I go. Theatrics have never been my strong point, I would make a terrible actor! I have always been painfully shy. I have come a very long way since hiding behind my mother whenever someone said hello to me, but this is something that has always eluded me.

Time to just get over it, I think. **determined smiley**

waltz123

03-26-2004, 09:51 PM

one coach told me to look through my partner. Especially effective for leaders, this will give you the arogant expression and image so many dancers have.

Sagitta

03-27-2004, 12:09 PM

Genesius Redux

03-27-2004, 12:36 PM

one coach told me to look through my partner. Especially effective for leaders, this will give you the arogant expression and image so many dancers have.

Arrogant? :shock: I stay away from such people!!

What about in something like bolero, though? Don't you want that "it's all about me and partner is just my prop" look--it's not real arrogance. It's just the game that you play when you dance the dance, just like the "I want to caress you" look of rumba, or the "I want to make passionate love to you because we hate each other" look of some tangos, or the "let me whisk you away to my castle in the sky" look of waltz.

Swing Kitten said on another thread if you don't sweat, it's not dancing. I'd say that if it's not dramatic, it's not dancing either. Every dance is a story!

dancingirldancing

06-29-2009, 09:25 PM

I can do this to my comp partner but not to our coach !

Maybe he reminded me too much of my dad LOL ....

taylor1990

06-29-2009, 10:23 PM

the more you do it the more natural and less funny it will become. Even if you smile w/o breaking out into giggles, then you're better off. Also, deffinately feel the passion of the music, and you might find that looking into his eyes come more natural.

dbk

06-30-2009, 12:55 AM

I totally understand... sometimes you just can't do eye contact without mucking up the rest of the dancing. For me, one of my previous partners had some pretty "interesting" dance-face going on, so I couldn't look without laughing.

Look at an ear, not the forehead. It's at eye level, so it looks a lot more convincing.

Lioness

06-30-2009, 07:46 AM

I try and look at my partner passionately, but all he does is push up his glasses in a mock sexy way and I can't help but laugh.

dTas

06-30-2009, 10:44 AM

Look at an ear, not the forehead. It's at eye level, so it looks a lot more convincing.

or better yet... focus on the bridge of their nose.

canismajor41

06-30-2009, 12:56 PM

I'm partially deaf in one ear and have always watch others' lips as they speak because it helps me to "hear" them. So I naturally will look at lips. I wonder if the people I dance with (or talk to for that matter) notice that I'm looking at their lips and not their eyes...I wonder if that weirds them out? LOL