When times are bad....

[SwingWaltz]

Just out of curiosity, has there ever been times when you or your partner felt that the partnership should break up for good? Mainly due to communication problem. But then you sticked together through the hard times.Eventually did someone change and try to fix the problem or are you just putting up with the problem?

[nucat78]

Just out of curiosity, has there every been times when you or your partner felt that the partnership should break up for good? But then you sticked together through the hard times.

Only my ex-wife. ;)

[and123]

One of my partners dumped me a few years back, and one of his reasons was communication problems/learning styles. I suspect he didn't care for me questioning his training and logic when it conflicted with information I received from excellent coaches. Seriously, who are you going to listen to: someone who has been dancing for many years but still has serious problems executing basic technique, or a trained/certified/experienced instructor? :rolleyes:

Since then, he has been partner hopping like mad. Good riddance.

[BallandChange]

Just out of curiosity, has there ever been times when you or your partner felt that the partnership should break up for good? Mainly due to communication problem. But then you sticked together through the hard times.Eventually did someone change and try to fix the problem or are you just putting up with the problem?

Eventually split up after nearly 6 years. My last straw is when she drank prior to our Rhythm Championship round at the Nationals. We also had communication problems, our coaches used to tell us not to talk at a competition. It was called our "No Talk Rule". It was tough to split because it is very difficult to find a new partner (same age, height, dedication, financial means, location). It is even more difficult when you are dancing the higher divisions. I think we put up with each other for a number of years because we both knew that we would not be able to find comparable amateur partners.

[wyllo]

Dancing partnerships are like any other relationship or friendship and you will have bad patches. You will argue, you will let each other down, you will frustrate the heck out of each other and sometimes you may even wonder if it's worth it. But hopefully you will also enjoy each others companies, encourage each other to improve and enjoy reaching new goals together. I think it's necessary to look at the partnership as a whole to determine whether or not you should continue and not just at a bad day, week or even month.

[dancerman]

Only my ex-wife. ;)

I'm not even going that route.......

:nope::nope:

[mamboqueen]

Wise, because we all know there are two sides to every story :)

[dancerman]

Wise, because we all know there are two sides to every story :)
Actually three:

Hers, his, and the judges!!

:cheers:

[dancerman]

Actually three:

Hers, his, and the judges!!

:cheers:

I'm sorry, I just couldn't let that one go by. And I really deserve this:

:bkick:

[Warren J. Dew]

Just out of curiosity, has there ever been times when you or your partner felt that the partnership should break up for good? Mainly due to communication problem. But then you sticked together through the hard times.Eventually did someone change and try to fix the problem or are you just putting up with the problem?

There was one time when I was in a partnership that probably should have reached that point. Unfortunately, I wasn't aware there was a communication problem - guys can be pretty clueless - so things did not get better after that point. The partnership just limped along for a couple years before it finally broke up.

Then there was the one where we got to that point, broke up for two years, got back together, then spent two years working on getting back to the point where we were when we had broken up. That time we actually did work on the communication problems and started fixing them.

I would not expect the communications problems to go away on their own. Fixing them will take work. Both partners need to recognize the problems and both must be willing to work on making things better.

[BM]

I think it's necessary to look at the partnership as a whole to determine whether or not you should continue and not just at a bad day, week or even month.

Cheers to that. On the other hand, you might want to consider how things are in relation to how they were when you started out. Did you form the partnership based on the qualities that were already established, or based on the potential for such qualities to develop? Granted, every situation is unique, but I would say that if you are still waiting for the partnership to reach its potential, it might be time to abandon that hope.

[SwingWaltz]

On the other hand, you might want to consider how things are in relation to how they were when you started out. Did you form the partnership based on the qualities that were already established, or based on the potential for such qualities to develop? Granted, every situation is unique, but I would say that if you are still waiting for the partnership to reach its potential, it might be time to abandon that hope.

That is a very good point. My partner used to "teach" me how to dance, ie how to hold posture etc. She is more experienced than me, about 5 years more experienced and danced at a higher level. She dances 2 level above me, and since the partnership formed, I dance up to accommodate her.

I think from the very start, she adopted a "teaching" role in the partnership. Which I don't really mind if it improves both our dancing. However I can not accept the way she is getting the "teaching" through to me. She starts with something like "you did it wrong, and you are suppose to do this" Which I think really should be the coach's job. I would be more acceptable if she had said "if you did this, it would make the dance better for both of us" First one is more of from an accusation point, and the second one is more of from an strive for improvement point. May be the same for her, but completely different for me. I'm not sure if I should just take it from her because she IS better, or she should change the way of communication. It's driving me mad! And to be honest, dancing is probably not my priority at the moment.

[Warren J. Dew]

I think from the very start, she adopted a "teaching" role in the partnership. Which I don't really mind if it improves both our dancing. However I can not accept the way she is getting the "teaching" through to me. She starts with something like "you did it wrong, and you are suppose to do this" Which I think really should be the coach's job. I would be more acceptable if she had said "if you did this, it would make the dance better for both of us" First one is more of from an accusation point, and the second one is more of from an strive for improvement point. May be the same for her, but completely different for me. I'm not sure if I should just take it from her because she IS better, or she should change the way of communication.

Can you do both? Tell her that if she could phrase things more gently, it would feel less like an attack and you could focus better on what she's actually trying to get you to do. Then promise to try to take things less personally if she forgets and does phrase things the way you dislike. Habits are hard to break, so it will be difficult for you both, but it will be worth it if you can do it.

[Some guy]

Wow, that's an awesome response Warren!

[SwingWaltz]

Can you do both? Tell her that if she could phrase things more gently, it would feel less like an attack and you could focus better on what she's actually trying to get you to do. Then promise to try to take things less personally if she forgets and does phrase things the way you dislike. Habits are hard to break, so it will be difficult for you both, but it will be worth it if you can do it.

Thank you Warren! Very good advice indeed. I will try to take things less personally even it sounded like an attack.

[QPO]

Partnerships in life regardless of dancing are always difficult and it is about trying meet each others needs and wants and desire, if you goals are evenly matched then don't try to take things personally. Good luck to you.