What to do...

[TemptressToo]

OK, here's the situation. There is a guy I met dancing who is a phenomenal dancer. I positively love dancing with him because he's a lot of fun. The thing is, I think that he's developed feelings for me (ok, I know it). We dance together a good deal and we definitely have chemistry (for me friendly attraction...for him something more). He's a sweet guy as well who's fascinated with me because I'm the most diversified, intelligent female he's ever met. He makes comments like, "what can't you do?" Mostly because I'm well read, have traveled quite a bit, and I dance, swim, horseback ride, show dogs, model, figure skate, snow ski, study history, twirl rifle, have a sense of humor, and......I can honestly say that I've NEVER met a girl quite like me. Pretty much the original deal (not trying to be conceited here girls and guys...but I kind of noticed I was different in high school when most girls are worried about fashion, boys, hair and makeup...I was more entranced with my books studying the Holocaust and the Russian Royal Family...or maybe it was my long solitary walks through the woods playing with turtles, snakes and toads...or...or my refusal to fraternize with my classmates at parties in the such because I was preparing for college or the fact that I habitually dumped boyfriends for a lack of brain matter or the fact that I was a virgin until age 22--nobody was quite good enough).

The trick is...my heart belongs to another. My boyfriend of six years (a non-dancer) and my soul mate. This dance friend of mine knows this and doesn't seem to care. He continues to admire me and is quite affectionate (not to the point yet that I'm uncomfortable).

My concern is...do you think this will wear off without ruining our friendship/dancing in the process? Will he get over it? Should I bring out my dark side (the judgemental bitchy side) and perhaps turn him off? Should I just ignore this or should I bring it right out in the open? I don't want to hurt him...all the same...I just don't know what to do...

Hopefully, it is just the novelty of meeting me and it will wear off and we'll go on as good friends.

Help me please...what would you do AND/OR...if you are attracted to a dance partner but are perhaps married or seriously committed...how do/did you handle it?

[cl5814]

TemptressToo,

I have not been in that situation so i can only say that i feel it will wear off. I would talk more about my boyfriend to him, in casual conversation that he can realize that your heart belongs to someone else. You can also say that you like to dance with him and that he is a good dancer, thereby stressing the fact that you like to dance with him and that is the end of the story. no feelings involved from your side.

Good luck and happy dancing

[tsb]

for your sake i hope it works out well, but i think you should be prepared for the possiblity that he'll move on because it sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too.

you want to retain him as a dance partner even though he may be dancing with you a lot solely because he's interested in you romantiically. if he is that attracted to you & you can't reciprocate, he may find it difficult to spend much time with you & even if he does say "ok - let's be friends" he could be lying & just hoping to break you down. if he's a phenomenal dancer he certainly won't be hurting for partners & i submit that he has as much right as you to choose with whom to dance and if he wants to use dance as a way of finding his potential soul mate that's his choice. it's certainly not fair to him to act in a way that gives him hope if that's the only thing keeping him around as a frequent partner. his situation may not be quite the same as mine but i know what it might feel like, having been given phone #'s & emails at dances from women who act like they're interested in me & i end up feeling somewhat used having expected something more when these women turn out to be married (and took off their rings at the dance) but still want me to be their dance partner because their husbands don't dance... pass.

[TemptressToo]

The thing is...I've not attempted to give him any ideas at all. I just simply have treated him like I treat all dance partners. I have fun dancing...no matter who I am with.

Now if I was really begging for the attention...or leading him on in some way...I could understand the chastisement. However, I'm just being me...

Why do you say 'have your cake and eat it too?' I simply want to develop a friendship. I'm just afraid that he'll take my desire to be friends the wrong way. To me, it feels like I'm dancing on shaky and dangerous grounds. He's by far my favorite dance partner (one of many people I dance with)...there has to be a way to handle this delicate situation that is win/win for all.

You'd have to know me before making a judgement call like what you seem to be saying. I'm an independent Yankee woman used to telling it how it is...I'm also quite outgoing and bubbly...I've never indicated anything different and talk about my boyfriend all of the time.

It is just kind of awkward. I hope things work out...

[Genesius Redux]

Hey TT,

I think there's little that you can do if he doesn't bring it up himself--tell you how he feels, in which case you can have the Talk. You could, I guess, bring it up independently, "I've, uh, noticed that," etc. But that could seriously backfire--he could just shrug and deny it, leaving you looking foolish and maybe feeling bad ("Could I have been wrong?"), or, if he's trying to deal with it on his own, it could make him feel mortified and unable to cope. Either way, you could be out one partner and friend.

I don't agree that you want to have your cake and eat it too--there's not a thing wrong with wanting to have a relationship with someone as a dance partner and even close friend without having it turn romantic. One of my former teachers (the one whose dog I'm training, BTW) has had exactly this issue with her former pro partner--in that case, she's had the Talk at least three times to no avail, and it's too bad because they dance so well together. But anyone who knows her knows that he is so not her type.

On the other hand, as long as it's not getting to the point where the feelings make you uncomfortable, there's nothing wrong with just letting things go on in, as it were, a state of nature. Performance chemistry is a powerful thing, and why should either of you deprive yourselves of the right to feel it? Let the flirtation and the dancing continue as long as it's working.

If you don't return his feelings, he will definitely find someone else--it's simply a question of whether you want him to turn his back on you as a partner and a friend when he does. If you enjoy your time together, and don't lead him on but don't change your natural behavior either, he'll be able to break off with you romantically without spoiling everything else.

My dear Abby moment for this week. Best of luck to you!

G

[jon]

Help me please...what would you do AND/OR...if you are attracted to a dance partner but are perhaps married or seriously committed...how do/did you handle it?

As you describe the situation, this isn't under your control, and the only thing you can do to help is be honest with him. It's really about him and how he chooses to act.

I've been in similar situations a number of times and am in one now - very attracted to one dance partner who's got a non-dancing SO. She made that clear several years ago, I'm OK with that, we continue to talk and dance together and share an occasional hug.

That we can't have everything we want from someone else doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy what we can have.

[ShyDancer]

That we can't have everything we want from someone else doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy what we can have.

I totally agree!

Id try not to let it bother me. Unless he tries to make a move on you, Id continue treating him as just another friend. He will most likely get bored of waiting for you!

[tsb]

The thing is...I've not attempted to give him any ideas at all. I just simply have treated him like I treat all dance partners. I have fun dancing...no matter who I am with.

Now if I was really begging for the attention...or leading him on in some way...I could understand the chastisement. However, I'm just being me...

Why do you say 'have your cake and eat it too?' I simply want to develop a friendship. I'm just afraid that he'll take my desire to be friends the wrong way. To me, it feels like I'm dancing on shaky and dangerous grounds. He's by far my favorite dance partner (one of many people I dance with)...there has to be a way to handle this delicate situation that is win/win for all.

You'd have to know me before making a judgement call like what you seem to be saying. I'm an independent Yankee woman used to telling it how it is...I'm also quite outgoing and bubbly...I've never indicated anything different and talk about my boyfriend all of the time.

It is just kind of awkward. I hope things work out...

ok. i apologize for the words and/or tone that made you feel like i was proecting something onto you that you do not feel to be appropriate.
let me try again. while it would be sad if his feelings kept him from being able to continue dancing with you, i do think you may need to initiate the necessary conversation if you continue to feel uncomfortable. should you decide to broach the subject with him, i hope it goes well.

[danceguy]

Hi TT,

While I haven't had this happen in a dance environment, I did have a female friend once who expressed interest in me when I did not wish to be more than friends. It wasn't a big deal at first, but she continued to do what your dance partner does...continually trying to get me to reconsider, and it went on for YEARS.

I did my best to be her friend, but eventually I had to avoid her because she was so focused on getting me to date her. She was a great person, loved her as a friend but that's all it ever could have been for me. She didn't see things that way...and I realized the more I was around her, the more would try and get me to be her guy.

I've been in her shoes and know what its like to really fall for someone, but if someone tells me no once that's all I need to hear. However, I will be honest in saying that I've had to end friendships with women due to this...it can be really tough to be around someone that you have deep romantic feelings for and know that you will never be able to take things a step further.

Some people have large personal boundaries...but I keep mine very clear with people and I do respect those of others as well.

I've seen countless people get mixed up in odd love triangles...they may have their main partner, but they will be getting emotional (and or physical) support from their "close friend"...one who may wait patiently for their relationship to end so they can move in...not good IMHO. I'm certainly not saying that you are doing this...but if this friend of yours is trying to get emotional/physical support from you to no avail...cutting him off may be the only way to get him to stop.

This is a really tough call for you, but I think everyone has touched on a similiar point...if you don't do something about the situation it may stay the same or get worse. Sometimes it best to tell someone the truth and set them free...because although you are being totally honest and seeing only a friend...playing the devil's advocate you could be getting his hopes up without realizing it. This is what I had done with my friend, and once I realized that I had to avoid her for both of our sakes.

Wasn't the easiest decision to make...decisions like this never are. :(

Best of luck,

SG

[NeoDevin]

Simple solution... leave them both, and come visit me ;)

Seriously though, not much you can do other than be honest and let him take it from there. If he likes dancing with you because you're fun to dance with, then great, you can both have fun dancing, if he only dances with you because he's attracted to you, enjoy it while it lasts. :)

[mhgroove]

Temptress too,

I believe you must tell him honestly that you appreciate his interest in you, but I have someone in my life and all I can offer you is friendship. I realize most women don't like to be direct like this and you do enjoy the chemistry that you have on the dance floor..however, men & women are wired different!

As a woman, you can keep your chemistry on a platonic level. However, most men can not keep that kind of chemistry on a platonic level. There are three options for most men. The man moves forward hoping you're interested, moves on if you're not interested, or hangs around hoping you will change your mind.

I lived third option for several years ago. However, the woman I was interested in was single..but I finally realized she was never going to be romantically involved with me. It was one of the most painful lessons I had to learn in my life.

I had met her a nightclub and we became dancing partners. We enjoyed dancing with each other and naturally I was attracted to her. We spend a lot time together and was very affectionate with each other. After while, I decided to pursue a relationship but she never could commit to me but she enjoyed my company and said we had a special friendship. Because of my hoping and wishing, I made the decision to stick with it just in case things changed.

Unfortunately, seven years later..nothing changed. Finally, I decided to move on and let go. It was hard because we had great chemistry in lot of areas but not enough to have a relationship. I believe if I would have known from the beginning that I was only going to be her friend...things would have been a lot easier.

I don't blame her! It was a lesson I needed to learn and she was the person who came into my life to teach me that lesson. And maybe you are doing that for your friend. But I honestly believe you have to let me him know what your interest level in him is and make sure he respects that boundary. You may lose him from your dancing life..but short term pain is a lot better than broken heart. Good Luck Temptress too and I hope you make the right decision.

[Swing Kitten]

As a woman, you can keep your chemistry on a platonic level. However, most men can not keep that kind of chemistry on a platonic level. There are three options for most men. The man moves forward hoping you're interested, moves on if you're not interested, or hangs around hoping you will change your mind.

I'm don't think this is 100% gender specific-- I know of lots of instances where the opposite is true.


Wow, Temptress, you're pretty wonderful-- but you don't need me to tell you that! ;)

Something that hasn't been suggested yet that you may want to try is to become more of a guyfriend (of sorts) to him-- help him find a girlfriend of his own... talk about win/win! The fact that you're pointing him towards others makes it fairly clear that you don't think his amirous feelings should be towards you. It can be fun and it may help him start considering others and if things go really well you two could become much closer platonic friends in the process.

[Genesius Redux]

Something that hasn't been suggested yet that you may want to try is to become more of a guyfriend (of sorts) to him-- help him find a girlfriend of his own... talk about win/win! The fact that you're pointing him towards others makes it fairly clear that you don't think his amirous feelings should be towards you. It can be fun and it may help him start considering others and if things go really well you two could become much closer platonic friends in the process.

I've always felt that an ancillary benefit of getting to dance with beautiful partners should be the opportunity to be introduced to their friends. I've put my own teacher to work on that one, only the last time I asked about someone, she told me as delicately as possible, "Well, she may be a little too socially and spiritually conservative for you!"

I practically fell over laughing--even more so because of how diplomatic she was trying to be. Since then, I've never missed an opportunity to ask her, "So, you find anyone who's sufficiently shallow for me spiritually yet?" :lol:

[mhgroove]

[quote="Swing Kitten"][quote="mhgroove"]

I'm don't think this is 100% gender specific-- I know of lots of instances where the opposite is true

Swing Kitten, nothing is ever 100% specific..but through my experiences most men fit into those three options. We can deny it all we want...but men and women are wired different! Women are able to handle chemistry and sexual attraction on a different level than men. Most men, unless they are homosexual, want to act upon their feelings towards a woman. I just wanted to tell Temptress Too it's okay to tell a man that you appreciate his interest..but I'm involved with someone else. I know most women don't like to be direct...but most men need a direct answer so they know where they stand. Now if he continues on after the woman tells him of the situation..then it's his fault and he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. What a lot of women don't realize is that by not saying anything or hinting at that their non-interest makes men continue blindly on their quest to go after a woman that's not interested in them.

It's not an easy decision and I bet that Temptress Too does enjoy his company and having him as a dance partner. But..as long as he is attracted to her..he will try everything he can think of...to get with her. Temptress Too can tell him up-front about her situation and then the man will have to make his decision. I know it doesn't sound right or fair..but human nature takes over and right or fair goes out the window!

[pygmalion]

mhgroove.

I used to know someone who operated his entire life via his "three option rule." At the time, I thought he was short-sighted and pretty stupid. Now I realize he was just a man. *shrug*


That said, in my view, there are a lot more than three ways to deal with almost anything... if you look.

My view is that

1) three options are the easy way out in a life as ambiguous as ours

2) Relationships aren't easy, no matter how you look at them. It's always worth a conversation to clarify things.

3) Salvage your pride, if you can, but not at the expense of love. Love is worth a heck of a lot more than pride. :wink: :D

[Genesius Redux]

mhgroove.

I used to know someone who operated his entire life via his "three option rule." At the time, I thought he was short-sighted and pretty stupid. Now I realize he was just a man. *shrug*


That said, in my view, there are a lot more than three ways to deal with almost anything... if you look.

My view is that

1) three options are the easy way out in a life as ambiguous as ours

2) Relationships aren't easy, no matter how you look at them. It's always worth a conversation to clarify things.

3) Salvage your pride, if you can, but not at the expense of love. Love is worth a heck of a lot more than pride. :wink: :D

You are so right! Life presents so many more than three options.

The way I see it, there are three possible ways to interpret your view.... :wink:

[pygmalion]

:kissme:

[mhgroove]

mhgroove.

I used to know someone who operated his entire life via his "three option rule." At the time, I thought he was short-sighted and pretty stupid. Now I realize he was just a man. *shrug*


That said, in my view, there are a lot more than three ways to deal with almost anything... if you look.

My view is that

1) three options are the easy way out in a life as ambiguous as ours

2) Relationships aren't easy, no matter how you look at them. It's always worth a conversation to clarify things.

3) Salvage your pride, if you can, but not at the expense of love. Love is worth a heck of a lot more than pride. :wink: :D

Pygmalion,

I respect your viewpoint! I have always been a guy who sees life half full instead of half empty However...just because there's three options for a man doesn't mean he's short-sighted or stupid. You validate my point that men and women are wired different. Of course, relationships aren't easy and conversation is important. That's why..I wrote to Temptress Too to tell her friend that she appreciates his interest in her, but let him know that she is involved with someone else. There is nothing wrong for a woman to tell a man up-front where he stands with her. It has nothing to do with pride. Communication upfront..can effectively handle any relationship situation.

As a woman, she probably enjoys being his dance partner and enjoys his company. However, he is attracted to her and unless he decides in his heart that he's okay being friends(which I must admit is highly unlikely) he will continue to pursue her for romantic interest. I apologize that a lot of men are this way...but they are. It doesn't mean it's bad thing..but there are parameters and through a tough learning lesson, I realize it's true.

[cupojoe2]

I have been on both sides of this issue and I really don't think you need to do anything... unless he presses the issue.

Guys generally know the difference between available and unavailable and will act accordingly. Even if the guy is crazy in love with you, but knows that you are in a committed relationship, he'll just keep it to himself.

I know I have a huge crush on Halle Berry, but I've never let her know. :wink:

I also think several of my friends wives or girlfriends are wonderful, funny, intelligent and sexy, if they were available, I'd love to go out with them -- but they are UNAVAILABLE... :(

Another thing that you should know is that guys like to flirt just as much as women -- and if I am with a women that responds to flattery (i.e., they buy it) -- even if I am not interested in her romantically, I'll make sure to pay her several complements -- it is all in fun. 8)

In closing, I hate to play the devils advocate here, but the fact that you have posted this problem here means that it is one that you have given a lot of thought. I know that personally, I don't normally spend a lot of time thinking about women unless I have some feelings for them. Perhaps interest runs more than one direction here. :lol:

[Sagitta]

So true cupojoe2!

[danceguy]

Guys generally know the difference between available and unavailable and will act accordingly. Even if the guy is crazy in love with you, but knows that you are in a committed relationship, he'll just keep it to himself.

I have to disagree with this here...to some people - man or woman, they could care less if the object of their affection is married or single. I've had married women come after me before, as I'm sure many people here have. A romantic relationship can take so many forms, as can a marriage. Some people form a partnership for love and companionship...others for conveinance and to be taken care of. And even weirder...we all know that some people are into the "swinging" lifetstyle as well (and I'm not talking about Lindy Hop) Sadly, I've known many people who are unfaithful to their SO, so I'd say it all depends on the moral views of the individual person. And in those cases, even in a marriage, it simply becomes a legal agreement on paper...but the love and commitment isn't there in at all.

Many people in relationships aren't happy...aren't getting the support they need but will stay there to avoid being alone. I'm not trying to be a downer here, just trying to make a point that situations such as these are never just black and white...there are so many variables involved.

That being said, Temptress I can't blame the guy too much! I've seen your posts, you're obviously very bright and intelligent. I've seen your pictures, you're very beautiful and a model as well...what red-blooded heterosexual man would not find you attractive? Obviously you enjoy having people admire your physical appearance...but I imagine it is a two-edged sword as well. :(

[pygmalion]

Pygmalion,

I respect your viewpoint! I have always been a guy who sees life half full instead of half empty However...just because there's three options for a man doesn't mean he's short-sighted or stupid. You validate my point that men and women are wired different. Of course, relationships aren't easy and conversation is important. That's why..I wrote to Temptress Too to tell her friend that she appreciates his interest in her, but let him know that she is involved with someone else. There is nothing wrong for a woman to tell a man up-front where he stands with her. It has nothing to do with pride. Communication upfront..can effectively handle any relationship situation.

As a woman, she probably enjoys being his dance partner and enjoys his company. However, he is attracted to her and unless he decides in his heart that he's okay being friends(which I must admit is highly unlikely) he will continue to pursue her for romantic interest. I apologize that a lot of men are this way...but they are. It doesn't mean it's bad thing..but there are parameters and through a tough learning lesson, I realize it's true.

I don't think that there are three options for a man, but many more for a woman. I think that that's how SOME people see things. Now I realize and accept that three options is an okay way of looking at things. Not my way, but okay.

As far as the guy I used to know, all I'm saying is that now, I have a greater appreciation for his view. Okay, so he's not stupid. I still think he's limiting himself unnecessarily.

I've been on both sides of this situation, myself, and I have to say I agree with what's been said by many. Honesty is the best way to approach this one. If someone has a romantic interest that I don't share, I try to be as honest, but as nice as possible. (I learned this the hard way, btw) The times I've been on the receiving end of romantic attention, the guys have generally disappeared and cut me off when they realized I wasn't interested.

When I fell in love with someone who didn't love me back, I didn't want to believe it. It took me a long time to accept his view, and even longer to let go of my pain. But he's one of my best guy friends now. It's been quite a few years. It's possible. Not easy, but possible. But my view is that life is too short for me to throw people away. It's worth the effort to keep good people in my life, even if it's not in the context I would have preferred.

[Sabor]

OK, here's the situation. There is a guy I met dancing who is a phenomenal dancer. I positively love dancing with him because he's a lot of fun. The thing is, I think that he's developed feelings for me (ok, I know it). We dance together a good deal and we definitely have chemistry (for me friendly attraction...for him something more). He's a sweet guy as well who's fascinated with me because I'm the most diversified, intelligent female he's ever met. He makes comments like, "what can't you do?" Mostly because I'm well read, have traveled quite a bit, and I dance, swim, horseback ride, show dogs, model, figure skate, snow ski, study history, twirl rifle, have a sense of humor, and......I can honestly say that I've NEVER met a girl quite like me. Pretty much the original deal (not trying to be conceited here girls and guys...but I kind of noticed I was different in high school when most girls are worried about fashion, boys, hair and makeup...I was more entranced with my books studying the Holocaust and the Russian Royal Family...or maybe it was my long solitary walks through the woods playing with turtles, snakes and toads...or...or my refusal to fraternize with my classmates at parties in the such because I was preparing for college or the fact that I habitually dumped boyfriends for a lack of brain matter or the fact that I was a virgin until age 22--nobody was quite good enough).

The trick is...my heart belongs to another. My boyfriend of six years (a non-dancer) and my soul mate. This dance friend of mine knows this and doesn't seem to care. He continues to admire me and is quite affectionate (not to the point yet that I'm uncomfortable).

My concern is...do you think this will wear off without ruining our friendship/dancing in the process? Will he get over it? Should I bring out my dark side (the judgemental bitchy side) and perhaps turn him off? Should I just ignore this or should I bring it right out in the open? I don't want to hurt him...all the same...I just don't know what to do...

Hopefully, it is just the novelty of meeting me and it will wear off and we'll go on as good friends.

Help me please...what would you do AND/OR...if you are attracted to a dance partner but are perhaps married or seriously committed...how do/did you handle it?

How about u ask a common friend (u both are comfortable with) to point him out to your post (this thread) so he may read it.. worth a shot perhaps..?

[Genesius Redux]

How about u ask a common friend (u both are comfortable with) to point him out to your post (this thread) so he may read it.. worth a shot perhaps..?

So he can see how his feelings have been the topic of discussion and speculation and even idle curiosity by dancers from New York to New Zealand? I know that if I were in his position, I wouldn't want to see myself as a topic on a discussion list! :shock: :oops:

[Sagitta]

Neither would I, even though there is a certain degree of anonymity afforded in this forum and discussoin thread.

[delamusica]

Neither would I, even though there is a certain degree of anonymity afforded in this forum and discussoin thread.

Except that Temtress too has her picture by her posts . . . so maybe not the best idea for him to see it?

[Sabor]

Then.. i rest my case

With all due respect to Temptress Too.. and Dance-forums.. i assume she means no ill-intent to the person she posted on.. but maybe public posting of private nature issues should be kept out of public forums.. even if the other party mentioned is unaware of it.. should not make a difference, and taking it up one on one with that person straight up is always best even tho it might be hard to start it.. but is the best way.. especially that we do know what needs to be done in our heart and how to do it.. we just need support sometimes.. yet from close best friends/family and not on a public forum..

I hope i didn't offend anyone, especially Temptress Too.. it surely is not my place to say what is right or not.. i'm just expressing a point i found worthy to make and one that caused unnecessary grief to others b4 .. so its my advice to avoid this situation, if possible and if u agree... since its up to u of course.. Cheers and goodluck.

[pygmalion]

Sabor,

Your suggestions and input are just as valid as anyone else's. 8)

One of the things I like about DF is that there's just enough anonymity for me to ask advice on very personal matters. I usually omit or blur identifying details, just in case. But I definitely value being able to ask advuice from a worldwhile group of friends. :D

[salsachinita]

One of the things I like about DF is that there's just enough anonymity for me to ask advice on very personal matters. I usually omit or blur identifying details, just in case. But I definitely value being able to ask advuice from a worldwhile group of friends. :D

I am 200% with you there, Jenn. Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without my DF support :notworth: !

[salsachinita]

When I fell in love with someone who didn't love me back, I didn't want to believe it. It took me a long time to accept his view, and even longer to let go of my pain.

:roll: Story of my life.......... :roll:

[bordertangoman]

In the Tango Lesson Pablo Veron says to Sally Potter, when a relationship is beginning to emerge that they must sublimate their passion into the dance.

[etchuck]

I realize that forums like this are fairly public, and one never knows who will read anything. I have to remind myself about that on my online journal/blog not to discuss in too much detail the aspects of my life. Even more careful about the dance people I know and meet unless I know they're comfortable with it. I tend to be public and expressive in certain things but not in others. (Plus I think I have about 200 hits on a personal Google search based on things written by me or about me on other things that I do.)

I guess on the interesting side, this weekend I was dancing with this one person (she's married but on a fellowship so away from spouse) and had a great time. But apparently some of the people she otherwise had been dancing with have a gap in their English vocabulary (the word husband seems to be completely foreign). At any rate, she was a lindy dancer and after a lot of cajoling she and I did some WCS. Certainly the fact that she knew I wasn't completely creepy made it more comfortable for her and me to show off a little bit more than we normally would. (That and a very strong feedback from leading.)

[TemptressToo]

Here's the update.

Many of you will be happy to know he and I had "the talk." The discussion went very well on both parts with no immature denials. We both were very open...as one poster has said, there is a note of truth in the fact that I have been thinking a lot about this. I know that we have chemistry. Have felt it from the get-go... And yes...he's attractive to me in many ways (I positively glow while dancing with him). However, I am in love with my boyfriend. In another life...or if I was single, yes...I'd date this guy in a heartbeat...even fall in love with him.

Anyway...we spent hours on the phone discussing this all. Just basically laid it all out. He has stated that although he grows more 'intrigued' every moment he spends with me...he doesn't want to come between my boyfriend and I. We have agreed to remain friends. I have actually had relationships in the past with guys as friends that started off with one or both of us wanting more but in the end it cooled to a very good friendship. I'd really hate to ruin a good friendship by letting dating get in the way...heck, I'm a really hard chick to date...too quirky for most. Completely and utterly flawed.

I also think that in the end...the whole attraction will wear off. It is the novelty of the thing. I'm looking forward to that moment.

Thank you all for all of your words of wisdom...it really helped me make the decision to just get it off of my chest. He seemed to agree that talking about it was the best thing to do. Certainly, at first it may be a bit awkward...but in the end it will be best if everyone knows where they stand.

I have also decided to take a break from dancing...to get my head screwed back on straight...

~April

[peachexploration]

Good for you! :cheers:

[Genesius Redux]

I also think that in the end...the whole attraction will wear off. It is the novelty of the thing. I'm looking forward to that moment.

You can only wait and see. You're pretty young (compared to me anyway). Things can change.



I have also decided to take a break from dancing...to get my head screwed back on straight...



I hope it's not too long! Wanna hear you're back in the saddle, kid! Feel better soon....

xo

Genesius