Shut up and dance!

[MadamSamba]

Just wondering how everybody handles dancing with new people.

I've found that many partners are happy to say, "would you like to dance?" and that's the last you'll hear from them for the rest of your time together.

What is the norm with you? Do you make small talk or do you prefer to hold your partner, close your eyes and dance or, as one guy I know tells me, "shut up and dance!" ?

[Pacion]

For me, it depends on the person I am dancing with. If I get the feeling they are comfortable dancing and talking, I will talk/ask questions such as - where they are from, where did they learn to dance, how long they have been dancing. Other times, I am too busy laughing (out of pleasure rather than anything else) to get a word out :lol:

[Jack]

I usually talk....to the Lady * I Like it*

[danceguy]

I think a little talk can be ok depending on the situation, like you accidently stomp on your partners toes...whoops, a short apology is in order! :D

Being completely honest, it is EXTREMELY distracting when a lady starts to make chit chat on the dance floor. I really focus on connecting with my partner and just "letting go" to let the music move us...isn't dance about communicating with our bodies?

We have so much noise and chaos in our culture, and so many people that blab, blab, blab, chatter and blab some more, usually about inane BS that most of us didn't want to hear about anyway. Its like when I go to get my haircut once a month at a local salon...man those people in there never stop to draw a wordless breath....Chatty Cathy city and then some. :?

So, I say, feel the music with your partner, let yourself be taken away and enjoy your time together. But please don't start a conversation on the dance floor...save that for after or before the dance.

For instance, I just got back from Salsa dancing...and I was so tired and not feeling well when I showed up. Didn't dance much since I felt lousy...but then I saw this really beautiful girl that I have been too intimidated to ever ask to dance. Knowing that she was both attractive and a great dancer, I figured she'd turn me down but it was worth a shot.

Well, she said yes, and I can't recall if I ever said the words...I remember walking up to her and then we seemed to just start dancing.

She didn't say a word for the first few minutes...but believe me, she was THERE...I could feel her despite that she wasn't making a lot of eye contact. She had amazing frame, and leading her was so effortless...she was a very petite girl so I was very gentle with my lead...and I had another "in the zone" moment where I lost all sense of time.

At one point I was leading her through a double spin and another couple (who wasn't paying attention) bumped into her, so I leaned over and said "I'm sorry about that!"...and she quickly replied that it was ok.

When we starting talking...it was like we were pulled out of that magical zone...without words, the dance was beautiful...one of the best I have ever had as the connection with this lady was so wonderful. :P

We only really spoke to each other after we were both exhausted and decided to stop, as the song was one of those 15 minute Salsa's that never seems to end (trust me, I was about to shoot the DJ several times tonight!).

So, if the leader doesn't seem to want to talk, then I guess "just be quiet and dance," is the best way to handle it. ;)

SG

[bordertangoman]

If its one of my favourite tango pieces then I wo't talk the music is too good but I might hum to myself.

A little chat for a bar or two at the begining is apparently th e thing to do in Argentina as everyone was chaperoned and this was the only time they could be alone together.

[salsachinita]

:lol: Can't resist this title......even if I have no business being in AT forum.

A friend of mine, whom I have nicknamed "David Helfgot" (anyone seen "Shine" :wink: ?) loves to talk, on & off the dancefloor. He's one of the hardest people to understand, especially when the music is loud & his words seem to roll into one another :roll: ........

Nice guy, good friend. I have fun dancing with him anytime, but the "Shut up & dance!" line is a must :roll: :lol: ............

[MacMoto]

In my first AT class (yes, I've finally done it, so I'm more comfortable writing in this forum now :D), one of the first things the teacher said was "if you're talking, you're not dancing". This was because the class started with a lead-follow exercise, and some of the people (who came as a group) started chit chatting while doing it, but I agree with what he says. To me dancing is about entering another dimension made up entirely of the music and my connection with the lead. I'm okay about exchanging a few words directly related to the dance, but I don't feel I'm dancing when the partner tries to have a conversation.

When I'm dancing, my vocabulary is extremely limited -- you won't get much out of me other than "oops, sorry" and "it's okay" (when the leader says "oops, sorry")... :oops:

[Sabor]

LOL.. yeah catchy title there..

i dont think i can handle much conversation beyond the "Hi.. where are u from.. how about a foot massage" kinda thing :lol: .. i think there are many other situations better suited for a nice convo.. but during dance all i care for is body language.. any other sound other than the music will be disconcerting and takes away from my other much more primed senses and connectibility.

[bordertangoman]

The Grand Master Ching Bong says....

the enlightened one, when he is dancing knows he is dancing, and when she is talking knows she is talking, and when he is talking and dancing he is in a musical.

[Phil Owl]

Varies for me.

There was this one woman I danced with occasionally back in Boston that she and I could carry on a conversation while dancing. Kind of fun actually.

Personally, I just enjoy the adoring look of an appreciative partner above anything else. Incidental comments and laughter are fine too.

There were of course a few incidents where I wished my partner would've just shut their yapper, namely the type where they were emasculating you and picking apart your every move and trying to "teach" while dancing, BIG NO-NO! :evil: :( :roll:

[SDsalsaguy]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Vin]

I think it depends on alot of factors, for me these include
1) How loud the music/venue is.
2) How comfortable I am with the dance.
3) How good the connection I have with my partner is.
4) Whether or not I am romantically interested/involved with my partner.
5) How much I like the music.

For me I don't like to constantly be engaged in small talk but if I am enjoying the dance I tend to flirt a bit with my partner, unless she does not seem like she would be comfortable with it. In my opinion often times it is unreasonable to carry on a conversation since the music is too loud or the person I am dancing with does not seem interested in small talk. I have done tango only a few times and always in a ballroom setting but it has been in settings where small talk was reasonable.

[vey]

The Grand Master Ching Bong says....

the enlightened one, when he is dancing knows he is dancing, and when she is talking knows she is talking, and when he is talking and dancing he is in a musical.


HA-HA! That's hillarious, bordertangoman ! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Sagitta]

The title says it all. Actually I usually prefer just dancing, but there are a few occassions where we aren't really dancing, but just going through the motions and talking, so that's fine, I guess. I can't dance and talk, but can do the motions and talk. :wink:

[bordertangoman]

What really annoys me is when she's talking but not to me, but some other friend on her mobile phone!!

[MacMoto]

What really annoys me is when she's talking but not to me, but some other friend on her mobile phone!!

Do people do that!?? :shock: That's unforgivable in my book.

[dancin_feet]

I tend to not talk too much, unless it is a good friend that I am dancing with and we just want to catch up. I figure that it distracts the lead and you only get a half hearted dance while he is trying to concentrate on leading and talking at the same time.

[Pacion]

What really annoys me is when she's talking but not to me, but some other friend on her mobile phone!!

:lol: Okay. I think I am going to have to try that one and see how the guy I am dancing with reacts! :D

[bordertangoman]

What really annoys me is when she's talking but not to me, but some other friend on her mobile phone!!

Do people do that!?? :shock: That's unforgivable in my book.

I was being heavily ironic on people's pavlovian response to the mobile and terrestial phones: that if it rings we think we have to answer it and we think that its more omprtant than what we are doing right now.

It hasn't actually happened, though I have known mobiles to ring at Milongas but its usually in the person's bag and they have forgotten to switch it off. The only time I would regard it as acceptable is if the person is a medical proffessional 'on call' or for parents who have a baby sitter.

[MadamSamba]

I can't believe someone danced with you and chatted on their mobile, BTM...sheesh. The funny thing is that ballroom dancing (and AT, to some extent) tries to exist in this land of old-world charm and manners and men and women having clearly defined roles, but it seems it's not always so.

I would have turned around and said, "if you'd rather talk on the phone than dance, perhaps I should let you go".

Goodness, it drives me wild. You wouldn't chat with someone else when you're in the middle of a conversation with another person, so why do it when you're dancing which is more intimate?

[bordertangoman]

Goodness, it drives me wild. You wouldn't chat with someone else when you're in the middle of a conversation with another person, so why do it when you're dancing which is more intimate?

that is my point: we are conditioned into believing that we must answer the phone no matter what we are doing.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[SDsalsaguy]

that is my point: we are conditioned into believing that we must answer the phone no matter what we are doing.
Tell me about it! I've actually had two students *answer* their cell phones in class!!! :shock: :x :shock: :x

[dancin_feet]

I have no problem switching my mobile phone off during class. Just because I have a mobile does not mean that I'm available 24/7.

[bordertangoman]

I'm hoping to buy some 'seek and destroy' little robots that home in on active mobile phones -like those little horrors in Minority Report.

"You have 15 seconds to switch off your mobile" ala Robocop.

[etchuck]

What really annoys me is when she's talking but not to me, but some other friend on her mobile phone!!

Do people do that!?? :shock: That's unforgivable in my book.

I have a picture of a friend of mine on the phone while dancing. It's funny and since it was a friendly social dance, it was okay. But yes, otherwise, I'd say it's a bit rude.

Just remember to ask your leaders, "Is that a pager/cell phone in your pocket that's vibrating, or do you really like dancing with me?" :)

[DancePoet]

Ah, cell phones. Bring an end to modern civilization as we know it. ;)

And seriously, answering cell phones while dancing? While tangoing?? While argentine tangoing???

I don't own a cell, but I wouldn't even bring it into a dance hall/studio if I did.

On the topic of talking while dancing, sometimes it's ok, sometimes it's not.

[etchuck]

I used to usher for the Cleveland Orchestra, and the fact that many patrons tended to "forget" to disable their pagers and cell phones during concerts really got to people. So we ushers wound up having to wear badges saying "did you turn off your cell phone?" Granted sometimes people with pagers would be kind to leave them at coat-check, but many people will still forget.

I cannot imagine even being able to hear my cell phone over loud music... much less be able to talk to anyone.

[Genesius Redux]

What really annoys me is when she's talking but not to me, but some other friend on her mobile phone!!

:lol:

I couldn't possibly talk in tango--it's too intense a dance!

How to handle dancing with someone new to me? That would depend on the person--I've danced a social tango that is playfully dramatic, but the contact and energy remains light. Usually I do that with people who are more reserved.

But if I dance with someone who looks like they want the whole package, I give them the whole package (to the limit of my ability anyway). After all, it's tango, and people presumably know what they're getting into.

I save talk for afterwards, particularly if my partner is a really good dancer. There's always plenty of time for "Wow, where did you learn to dance like that? How long have you been dancing there? Do you know X? And did you hear that his partner ditched him on the floor last Friday?"

I agree with Scorp--the floor is for dancing, the table is for talking. I used to try to talk to very new dancers, to get them loosened up--but I found the more I did it, the more nervous they got. Until I realized that the poor things were trying to talk and count at the same time! Since I'd been there myself, I thought it best to give them a break! :lol:

[Sagitta]

What really annoys me is when she's talking but not to me, but some other friend on her mobile phone!!

I agree with Scorp--the floor is for dancing, the table is for talking. I used to try to talk to very new dancers, to get them loosened up--but I found the more I did it, the more nervous they got. Until I realized that the poor things were trying to talk and count at the same time! Since I'd been there myself, I thought it best to give them a break! :lol:

I've been there too!!! However, if you are a beginner follower it sometimes helps to just forget about counting etc and just follow. In some cases I've discovered that talking makes the follower focus on the leader and becomes more leadable and better able to dance.

[Genesius Redux]

What really annoys me is when she's talking but not to me, but some other friend on her mobile phone!!

I agree with Scorp--the floor is for dancing, the table is for talking. I used to try to talk to very new dancers, to get them loosened up--but I found the more I did it, the more nervous they got. Until I realized that the poor things were trying to talk and count at the same time! Since I'd been there myself, I thought it best to give them a break! :lol:

I've been there too!!! However, if you are a beginner follower it sometimes helps to just forget about counting etc and just follow. In some cases I've discovered that talking makes the follower focus on the leader and becomes more leadable and better able to dance.

Huh. I guess you're right. I never thought about it that way. :?

Okay, from now on when I dance with someone who's just starting out, I'm talking about everything--what we do, the weather, the Yankees. If she loses count and gets her toes stepped on, I'll just tell her to hold her frame and go to this thread! :lol:

[MacMoto]

And did you hear that his partner ditched him on the floor last Friday?"

Do people do that!? :shock: Your scene seems to be a lot more interesting place than mine...

[Genesius Redux]

And did you hear that his partner ditched him on the floor last Friday?"

Do people do that!? :shock: Your scene seems to be a lot more interesting place than mine...

Seen in happen once--to a teacher/manager at the studio I used to dance at. This guy is a total nudge--self-important, bullying with students, just all around nasty. Anyway, he's trying to "teach" someone an object lesson at a party, and she's asked him nicely not to do it. And he keeps doing it, so she walks off the floor. They were right next to the band. So he has to walk across the entire length of the floor, into his office, where he shuts the door and doesn't come out for the rest of the night.

You go girl! :lol: :wink:

[wicked salsero]

ok guys... ive been dancing salsa on1 the last couple of years and about 6 months ago i started taking on2 classes as well...

i find it cool the second thing to ask the lady is "do you prefer on1 or on2 madam and with what type of styling ?" :P

anyway i noticed this strange fenomena while dancing

although when i dance on1 i might start talking with my partner i just cant talk & dance on2...is it maybe im doing to much mental work to keep with the beet ?

also when i chat my partner up i always look at their facial expressions and see if they like it or not...

I mean not staring you in the eyes doesnt meen they dont like it....It could be they are shy....:)

regardless of all this, when my partner starts chatting me up and i dont really want to...i nod her to my "shut up and salsa" t-shirt i usually wear

[Sagitta]

Well I hope that you have more then one of those T-shirts if that's what you usually wear!! :wink:

[wicked salsero]

hehehehe......i wash that tshirt a few times each week :)

[Pacion]

also when i chat my partner up up i always look at their facial expressions and see if they like it or not...

regardless of all this, when my partner starts chatting me up and i dont really want to

Gosh, with all this chatting up, it's any wonder how you manage to get any dancing in at all! :wink: :D

[Sagitta]

I'm wondering about that too! :?

[Marino]

I'll probably not be very original saying that dance in itself is a form of talking to the person you dance with. I think the better you dance, the less there is any need of words.

However perhaps in rumba some occasional words here and there would make things even better.

[pygmalion]

Hi Marino! Welcome to the forums. :D 8)

[Sagitta]

Welcome onboard the df boat Marino! Happy to have you with us! :D

Why do you choose rhumba as the dance where to have "some occasional words here and there would make things even better"?

[bordertangoman]

:lol:

I couldn't possibly talk in tango--it's too intense a dance!
Until I realized that the poor things were trying to talk and count at the same time! Since I'd been there myself, I thought it best to give them a break! :lol:

People counting!!!?? Counting what exactly? sheep? Another gripe at the basic 8 teaching method. When I go to workshops and they say on step 5 you can do this or that. I think what the f :) :) :) is step 5. Fine take 8 steps in time to an 8 beat music but count them as you go along.!!

The whole reason why I'm good at AT is because I don't have to worry about 'getting it right' as one would have to do for a choreographed dance which means I can give more attention to the music.

I can only count to three anyway (attention deficit disorder!) :wink: :wink:

[MacMoto]

I'll probably not be very original saying that dance in itself is a form of talking to the person you dance with. I think the better you dance, the less there is any need of words.
Exactly -- original or not original, a gem like this should be repeated as many times as necessary. :)

Welcome to DF, Marino.

[Marino]

Thank you, Sagitta, for your words of welcome :D

(I get to the computer perhaps 3 times a week, so I'm sorry not to be able to answer more rapidly)

Why rumba? Its the slower beat, first and foremost. I've danced also renaissance dances - these are slower still and there the eye communication is extremely important. And they provide plenty of occasions for the partners to speak to each other.

In rumba there are steps in which the partners first move apart and then move closer again. This "reencounter" often makes the partners say "Hello, here we are again!" with their eyes. It reminds me of all the eye-play in renaissance dances.

[Marino]

Thanks, MacMoto!

This time our opinions as to dancing and speaking coincide, who knows how fierce our fight will be over the next topic. :)