Dancing friends vs "normal" friends

[MadamSamba]

Ok, unless you only hang out with dancers, we've all been told, quite vehemently at times, to quit talking about dancing by our non-dancing friends/relatives/colleagues etc and while I'd never ascribe more value to my dancing friends, on the weekend I was struck by how different my friendships are with non-dancers these days.

I went to a fabulous party, held by a dance-mad friend of mine. It was such incredible fun, I can't describe it. It was his birthday and all we did was chat and dance and eat and chat and dance. It was fabulous fun and the few non-dancers who were there joined in and had a genuine blast. I even suspect a few were inspired to take up salsa.

Anyway, it got thinking about my own birthday and I'm considering doing something similar, but there's no way my non-dancing friends would put up with it (not that they have a blood choice!). After considering it, I'm thinking about holding seperate dos, one for the dancers (which will be fabulous) and another for my other friends...do you guys find you have to "segment" your dancing friends and non-dancing friends?
Obviously I've held several events where both were there, but when you have dancers in a crowd and good music is on, it's kinda hard to stop their feet doing what comes naturally!

[Genesius Redux]

do you guys find you have to "segment" your dancing friends and non-dancing friends?
Obviously I've held several events where both were there, but when you have dancers in a crowd and good music is on, it's kinda hard to stop their feet doing what comes naturally!

Oh, boy, do I!

There are a couple of colleagues at the university--I set them up with a series of dance lessons when they were planning their wedding. They did a general introductory course of private lessons, but then found they didn't want to spend the money on following it up. But they got the basics.

Well, they keep asking me to go out with them and socialize, for a drink or dinner or whatever. And I keep saying, let's go out salsa dancing, or for a night of swing--and they won't do it! And for my part, there's nothing that gives me the willies more surely than the prospect of going out drinking and complaining about work or having some pretentious discussion about poetry or whatnot. Part of the thing is that they're still in grad school mode and the thought of having passionate discussions about deconstruction is still attractive to them.

But to me, if I go out, I want to do something. It doesn't have to be dance all the time--I'm more than happy to go hiking, or have a pizza party to watch skating when everyone else is watching football, or play Monopoly, or whatever. But for gosh sake, I want to at least do something!

So, yeah, there's a divide between my dance and non-dance friends, but that's generally a difference between my friends who like to do stuff and my friends who just want to sit around. Increasingly, I'm unwilling to compromise. :)

[Vince A]

Almost ALL of our friends are dancers . . . since making friends with them was probably from some dance event, etc.

We have one couple that we rarely hang with . . . as they like to entertain at home, eat, drink, hot tub, etc. We're not big eaters, nor do we drink (per say), and sports and reading are the only things we have in common. But they are friends. We do love them very much. But like GR said, I'm also unwilling to just sit around. I can't do it. I get nervous, itchy to dance, thinking of patterns in my head, then I get the conversation to dance - it never fails!

We also entertain, but those who come over are always dancers.

We usually go dancing . . . at least 90% of our outings is for dance. The rest is either a movie with the kids or a play for us bigger kids.

In summary, the percentage of non-dancing friends is dwindling, yet as I get older, I wonder how long I can take non-stop dance weekends at events or dancing from 9 PM until 2 AM at a club? Do I need to supplement my dance friends with non-dance rocking chair-seated, chess playing friends???

Not only no, but HELL NO!

[Genesius Redux]

Almost ALL of our friends are dancers . . . since making friends with them was probably from some dance event, etc.

We have one couple that we rarely hang with . . . as they like to entertain at home, eat, drink, hot tub, etc. We're not big eaters, nor do we drink (per say), and sports and reading are the only things we have in common. But they are friends. We do love them very much. But like GR said, I'm also unwilling to just sit around. I can't do it. I get nervous, itchy to dance, thinking of patterns in my head, then I get the conversation to dance - it never fails!



Well. Hot tub sounds kinda nice, though.

[Vince A]

Well. Hot tub sounds kinda nice, though.
It IS nice . . . and with great friends, it's always nicer. Just wish they could dance!!!!!!!!! :wink:

[KevinL]

I've moved often enough that I have almost no non-dancing friends, which works out well for me.

On the other hand, one set of dancing friends invited everyone over for a dinner party last month that was just fabulous! They also invited their upstairs neighbors, the only non-dancers, and they fit in fine. Of course that was partly because there was hardly enough room to move, to say nothing about dancing!

So, no, I don't segment my dancing and non-dancing friends. Time and geography have done that for me.

Kevin

[Spitfire]

I have three close friends who are non-dancers and dividing time with them from my dance activities is quite easy since dancing is generally done at night and the things the three of us like to do are almost always during the daytime.

Rarely will things conflict and when they do and I choose dancing they understand.

[Sagitta]

I have friends that I do different things with. Some I just play sports or have religious discussions, or do brunch after mass. Some are into a particular kind of dance, such as swing, so I'll also do that with them. I would say that now I have friends to participate with me in all my interests. The extent that I interact with them depends on what my mood is like and how much time I spend on various interests of mine. So if I was to have a party, again depending on my mood and the occassion different people would be invited. I would love to have them all, but realistically it cannot happen. Taking my dance friends, for instance, there are those who only like salsa, or only like swing, so depending on who is available if I have a mixed dance party it could be harder to keep the party flowing.

[jon]

In summary, the percentage of non-dancing friends is dwindling, yet as I get older, I wonder how long I can take non-stop dance weekends at events or dancing from 9 PM until 2 AM at a club? Do I need to supplement my dance friends with non-dance rocking chair-seated, chess playing friends???

Worth thinking about how many dance friends would continue socializing with someone who sustains an injury leaving them unable to dance forever - and what that says about the strength of those friendships.

While there are exceptions, I think most dance friendships are superficial and dependent on the shared activity.

[danceguy]

I can surely relate to this right now!

I'm starting to run into some problems in that the few friends that I normally hang out with have hinted to me that I "spend too much time dancing." :x

Besides dancing a few times a week, I'm also doing many other projects and studies that leave me very little time to sit idle. I have many hobbies and interests, so its rare for me to just be lazy...I don't watch TV, don't drink and I hate sports...so no way, I'm not going to waste my time with that! :shock:

I recently expressed a disinterest in "sitting around doing nothing," to these folks and I think they took it the wrong way...:?

One friend said to me "all you seem to do is talk about is your dancing...you always obsess about everything you do and this is just another one of those. You really need to gain some perspective and broaden your horizons."

I let this comment go at the time, but it was such an unfair judgement call...excuse me...dancing has broaden my horizons in so many ways! Even with the ups and downs...I love my new life now...the only reason I get so down about it at times is that its hard to imagine life without it! :P

I've managed to still spend time with these friends who don't dance...and even encouraged them to try it out, to no avail. But I've found that they don't seem to respect it very much...and if there's a dance going on, I've made it clear to them that dancing is my first priority.

However, a while back a few people at work heard that I danced and I agreed to meet them at my local Salsa venue so they wouldn't feel too intimidated. They were all new acquaintences, and they had a good time but thought the music was too fast...and I was surprised how impressed they were with my dancing...little do they know...I really don't know squat! :oops:

I haven't made any serious friends that are dancers...but there are those at the venues and classes that I go to that know me as I only see them in a dancing environment. Sometimes we go to workshops and out of town clubs...good folks and it is so much fun to do nothing but dance and talk about dancing. ;)

Whoops...I guess I do have dancing friends...and DF of course! :D

SG

[tsb]

Worth thinking about how many dance friends would continue socializing with someone who sustains an injury leaving them unable to dance forever - and what that says about the strength of those friendships.

While there are exceptions, I think most dance friendships are superficial and dependent on the shared activity.

i think that in general the main factors include one's own values/goals (everyone dances for different reasons and those reasons also influence the type of dance they choose) as well as getting back what you put into your relationships regardless of the activity.

i have dance friends whom i also accompany to lectures at cal tech, play volleyball with, have meals with, and in some cases, share confidences, etc. i enjoy dancing more when i'm dancing with people i like being around in general and what i know about them influences both the dance i choose to do with them as well as the moves i choose. someone who's a flirt/shameless ham is a natural choice for WCS and i let her let it all hang out! another friend who is generally reserved yet an incurable romantic (like me) gets waltzes & foxtrots with a lot of release moves a la fred & ginger. so i've made a conscious choice to build a group of friends who also enjoy dance & have become skilled partners but recognize that dance is a form of social interaction that allows us to strengthen the relationships we have off the floor. i'm grateful that i live in a place that has enough different dance venues & groups of people that i have the opportunity to make these kinds of choices.

[DancePoet]

Vince A: Have you ever tried chess? It's not bad. Very intellectual and addictive. The chess community has it's wackos, yet every segment of society does. The folks who really enjoy chess are similar in attitude to those who really enjoy dance, and neither take life too seriously which makes for fun companionship in both arenas.

[dancin_feet]

I tend to not spend much time with my non-dancing friends now, which is sad, but if they don't want to accept the dancing me (which is a lot closer to the real me than they have ever known) well, that's their loss. I am trying to get some of my non-dancing friends to come along to a performance I am doing in a couple of months. Some have jumped at it, others have taken a little persuasion, and still others are just silent on the matter.

I guess the silent ones will just drop out of my circle eventually, because I really don't have the time or the energy to try to keep up with them, if they are not interested in sharing what I love and being there to support me. That makes it a one way friendship, which never really works in the long run anyway.

[tsb]

Vince A: Have you ever tried chess? It's not bad. Very intellectual and addictive. The chess community has it's wackos, yet every segment of society does. The folks who really enjoy chess are similar in attitude to those who really enjoy dance, and neither take life too seriously which makes for fun companionship in both arenas.

the only problem is that if you make one little mistake, that can cost you the game. i much prefer 5 minute games with a clock for that reason. i haven't played seriously in over 20 years, but i think my last rating was near 1850...

a friend of mine who dances a lot of salsa is also a chess grandmaster & places regularly in the CA state championships every year and plays on a team that competes nationally. yes, he's a rocket scientist during the day - literally - PhD in physics & he works at the Jet Propulsion Labatory here in pasadena. oddly enough, that tends to turn off the typical salsera during a typical conversation. i've told him he should say as they're walking away: "no, wait! i play chess too!"

[pygmalion]

He he! That reminds me of a guy (who shall remain nameless LOL) whose "pickup" line was, "I'm an aeronautical engineer!" To which my response was,"yeah, but you can't dance!" :shock: Fortunately, I was able to keep that observation to myself. :lol: *shudder* His dancing was BAD. :? And to add insult to injury, he kept correcting MY dancing. Sheesh.

[tsb]

He he! That reminds me of a guy (who shall remain nameless LOL) whose "pickup" line was, "I'm an aeronautical engineer!" To which my response was,"yeah, but you can't dance!" :shock: Fortunately, I was able to keep that observation to myself. :lol: *shudder* His dancing was BAD. :? And to add insult to injury, he kept correcting MY dancing. Sheesh.

on the wall of the west engineering building at michigan, someone wrote "michigan engineers do it with precision"

underneath it, someone wrote
"the last thing you need is precision".

[pygmalion]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[tsb]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

if you're into econ at all, you'll also like the following quote found on the side of the econ building

"there is no such thing as a freed man
- milton lunch -"