intimidation

[ino]

Hello All! I just started to dance Salsa a few months ago. I joined this dance group from my school and learned the basic step, cross body, a few spins etc. When I went out to a club though I realized I wasn't as good as I thought I was. In fact I realized I sucked compared to most people and I felt really intimidated by all of the really good dancers and it made me not want to dance because I knew I wouldn't look as nive as they would. I would just like to hear about how you all felt when you first went out to a club or party.

[brujo]

Absolute terror. Sheer panic.

It was one of those things where your entire body pretty much shuts down and the little voice inside your head screams 'AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH'.

The good news is that this goes away after a while. The bad news is that 'AFTER A WHILE' may take a long time. The clubs are always going to be intimidating. However, keep in mind that half the people there are almost as scared as you. A few tips:

Keep going back to the same club and get to know the familiar faces.

Figure out which regulars dance with beginners and which regulars have their snob face on. Introduce yourself to the dancers you admire when they are taking a break.

Approach an advanced dancer and ask 'Can I have one dance with you please?'. This will keep them at ease because even if you suck, they know it is just for one dance. After the dance ask them for advice on areas you can improve. They will always come up with something for you to work on and it makes a nice ice-breaker.

Find out if your studio holds student socials, or if there are socials or dance events near your school. If not, suggest that the people who teach at your school either have a social event in the school or an outing to a club together. Being in a club with your wolfpack is usually more reassuring than being by yourself. Socials take away many of the pick-up / snob dynamics of the dance, as most people are just there to dance.

Good luck... But keep hanging in there. Remember that all the people that you see in the clubs started out like you at one point in their lives, and it is only by sticking in there and overcoming their fears that they become the great dancers you see today....

[pygmalion]

Good luck, ino, and welcome. :D

[Sabor]

sorry u felt this way ino.. altho its perfectly understandable :)

but like it or not.. it does take time.. u need to be content to be patient.. never rush in the beginner/learning phase because as u will find out to later ..to your satisfaction .. those who focussed and weren't intimidated are those who one enjoys to watch dancing the most in the longer run 8)

confidence is key, nothing can intimidate u unless u allow it.. nothing.. remeber that cause its true.. focuss on the music and its beauty.. on how it moves your soul and the ways that effects your body.. and the technicalities.. then when u look at others look at them in that same manner.. and maybe u will be pleased and positively charged instead of intimidated.. it all comes down to perception either way :wink: Cheers.

[ino]

Hey All! Thx for the tips and info. I might not have made it so clear in my first post about this, but thats the way I used to feel when I started. I no longer feel intimidated by anybody. In fact I enjoy watching the better dancers a lot more now because thats where I think I learn a lot. Going out to clubs dancing every week helps out a lot too because I see myself flowing a lot more with who ever I dance with. My intentions on this post was to hear other people's experiences when they first stepped into a club or party. Thanks for your tips, thoughts, and concerns though. :D Take care.

[Sabor]

My intentions on this post was to hear other people's experiences when they first stepped into a club or party.

:lol: .. seems no body wants to remember that feeling huh :D .. or maybe its sooo far back they afraid they'd feel old if they do :lol: .. glad that u doing ok.

[peachexploration]

Welcome to the DF Ino! :D

[youngsta]

I never was quite at the 'near panic' stage when dancing with most women back then, but when I did get the courage to ask one of the really good dancers...I'd choke like crazy! Total brain lock :lol: :lol:

[salsachinita]

I guess I was really lucky.........the salsa clubs 15 years ago was nothing like it is today. It was more or less like a community dance I guess....no one, apart from the Latinos, knew enough moves to show-off.

The time I recall being really intimidated, was my very first exposure to full-scale L.A. style salsa back in '99, at Mayan Club. :shock: It was the first time in my life I was ever reluctant to ask for a dance.......

*I might feel a little different now....*

[youngsta]

I hear ya salsachinita!! My first time at Steven's on a Sunday was sheer terror. All I did was watch the whole night!!

[salsachinita]

Steven's on a Sunday

That's a place I gotta check out......

There was this other place called Mamagaya (sp...?), I also found some facinating dancers (Cubans, no doubt) in action. Mind you, my info about L.A. is kinda old :oops: .......

Love to join you all at the Congress....!

:cry: :cry: :cry:

[borikensalsero]

welcome INO, welcome to DF, hope you have a blast here amongst us...

Here in NY City it is a complete nightmare for beginners. Anygiven day there are tons of too good a dancers busting out looking snobby and it really turns into stone cold terror just even thinking about dancing amongst them.

Like Youngsta, I was never afraid of dancing until it was time to dance with the good dancers. Hands froze, mouth dried, knees shook, beers didn't get me drunk... Ahhhh, the good ol' days!! Where did they go...

[youngsta]

Like Youngsta, I was never afraid of dancing until it was time to dance with the good dancers. Hands froze, mouth dried, knees shook, beers didn't get me drunk... Ahhhh, the good ol' days!! Where did they go...
:lol: :lol: I love that boriken!! "beers didn't get me drunk" :lol:

[salsachinita]

Here in NY City it is a complete nightmare for beginners....

I remember not being able to get nearly as many dances as I would have liked.........but I truly missed being in NYC.......the live music legends.... weeeeeeeeppppppaaaaa....!

[sbsalsera]

My first time at Steven's on a Sunday was sheer terror. All I did was watch the whole night!!

I had the same experience at my first Salsa Brava social! (Luis & Joby Vazquez' company) 99% of the dancers were scary good :shock: I especially remember that almost all the ladies were able to do multiple turns while looking up, with their heads tilted back like ice skaters!

[Ray]

just be yourself.. ofcourse there are many good dancers..

everybody has to start form the bottom.. and ppl dont blame you if you odn tknow much moves or shines.. or whatever..

even i like alot to dance with new beginners..

so fun fun fun :D

[Genesius Redux]

I think it can be a lot more terrifying if you have to lead--because you know you're limited by what you can do. The salsa club I frequent in Nashville is filled with wonderful leaders who can take people who have never danced before and have them doing all sorts of things. You see a lot of that, and you start feeling pretty inadequate!

But what you do instead is ask anyway and lead those patterns that you know, and then learn more. Personally, I love dancing with beginners because it's a real test of my leading skills!

[Ray]

hehe yeah.. and after the dance.. i ask.. did i lead good? you had any problems? no? you sure? and you like my shines? nice huh! ?

haha..

no just kidding.. but yes.. even .. new beginners feel more comfertable
after the dance.. and they even ask me more ;)

thats why.. i reject ppl.. to stop dancing with the same dancepartner

you never learn how to dance with other ppl too then ;)

[danceguy]

It takes a while to get over those beginner jitters! I'm just starting to myself and it is hard not to feel inadaquate as others have put it. One thing I always remember is to not try and "dance up" like one of the top dogs is doing. A lot of times I'll see someone really really good dance, and I'll examine what they are doing, what I like, what I don't like. But I can't expect myself to do things like they do. Learn what you can, and then develop your own way of doing it. Dance with everyone you can...and you'll learn really fast what works and what doesn't!

Just work on what you know at first, I made (and make) a lot of mistakes when I try to do too many fancy things. Slowly but surely, your confidence will rise as will your ability to lead. I still keep things very simple...and always remember to dance with my partner as an individual, and to keep her safe on the dance floor.

One thing I've found, is that when I feel like I've ran out of moves to lead...is to do something a different way...and cater it to the lady I'm dancing with. Try and put some spice and flavor into the most basic technique (like the basic step or turn)...add some emotion you may not have done before.

That way, you won't be doing the same thing the same way. Keep it simple, but full of life. ;)

SG

[Ray]

indeed.. totatly agree


last time.. i had a dance with a girl.. who whas really good..

so i taked her on the dancefloor..
and suddenly .. my mind whas empty.. and forgot.. all the things i wanted to do with her.. so i danced only (almst) basic..

hehe.. why me :P

[vey]

welcome ino :cheers:

As my experience goes, I can (somewhat artificially) break it down into the following stages:

stage 1. Pre-beginner. ~2 month
Just got introduced to salsa music, took a few lessons at a night club, happy and enthusiastic as a puppy, loved every moment of it, not intimidated by anything or anybody.
To sum up - OBLIVIOUS but happy and enjoying myself.

stage 2. Beginner. ~4 months
The enormity of my undertaking started to sink in. Intimidated and scared of everything and everybody, very poor following skills (interpreted most leads as basic turns :lol: ), horrified of going to night clubs, discovered and joined DF for moral support and information :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: .
To sum up - BEGINNERS HELL.

Stage 3. Beginner. Started ~2months ago and I’m still at this stage...
Came appreciation and enjoyment of the music and a more clear perception of salsa as a way to express inner feelings. Intimidation factor reduced - I do not care what people who’re watching me think anymore (actually, I do not think they are watching me at all but rather advanced dancers - at least that’s, what I’m doing when I’m watching others dance ). More at ease going to night clubs. A break-through in following skills that came seemingly out of nowhere, although, still cautious with advanced and/or unfamiliar leaders. Lot’s of ideas and thoughts about what to focus on and to work on... Perception of salsa dancing process as a journey...
To sum up - JUST STARTING TO FIGURE THINGS OUT.

Stage 4. :?: :?: :?: Can’t wait to discover what’s next :!: :!: :!: :lol:
.......

[Ray]

who knows :wink:


maybe stage 4: you dislike salsa.. and have a new start.. : line dancing

heheh
:lol:

[youngsta]

Nice recap Vey. Just think how it is for a lead! It's a known fact that followers increase in skill far faster than leads in the early stages. It was frustrating getting passed by women I started with.

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

Oh please don´t remind me of my beginner days. :( I used to break out in sweat every time I walked in a club.

I never passed through the "Oblivious" pré-beginner fase Vey mentioned (I knew for certain I sucked :oops: ). Anyway, the fright started disappearing as soon as I managed to understand the salsa beat. After that, it was smooth sailing (well not really but it was the biggest milestone).

[vey]

Glad to have you here Ray
(sorry, didn't have a chance to welcome you earlier)
:cheers:

who knows :wink:
maybe stage 4: you dislike salsa.. and have a new start.. : line dancing
heheh
:lol:

Here you go :!: :lol:

[Ray]

:lol: tnx

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

It's a known fact that followers increase in skill far faster than leads in the early stages. It was frustrating getting passed by women I started with.

Tell me about it! The girls in my class would refuse to dance with me :cry: . This completely destroyed my ego at the time. It sank to levels I thought were not possible :( . Fortunately, after I improved the snobs all wanted to dance with me. :P 8)

[youngsta]

Brotha when I hit that spike and passed them, they were like :shock: and I was like :twisted:

[cupojoe2]

stage 2. Beginner. ~4 months
The enormity of my undertaking started to sink in. Intimidated and scared of everything and everybody, very poor following skills (interpreted most leads as basic turns :lol: ), horrified of going to night clubs, discovered and joined DF for moral support and information :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: .
To sum up - BEGINNERS HELL.


Sometimes I wish the Salsa posters would just lie a little -- the truth is kind of scary...

Right now... I am in BEGINNER'S HELL as far a salsa goes... but for some reason, I don't feel that "intimidated and scared" about any other dance...

[Ray]

line dancing ? :P

[vey]

Nice recap Vey.
Thanks Youngsta.


Just think how it is for a lead!
I'm afraid even to think about it, youngsta. And I appreciate the effort that you guys are making!!!
I feel that somewhere in a distant future I'll want to learn how to lead but , at present, I get butterflies in my stomach just from the idea....

[vey]

Anyway, the fright started disappearing as soon as I managed to understand the salsa beat. After that, it was smooth sailing (well not really but it was the biggest milestone).

Excellent point, MapleLeaf Salsero! I completely skipped this whole salsa beat problem in my recap. May be I'll edit it later, if I have time...

[vey]

Right now... I am in BEGINNER'S HELL as far a salsa goes...

Hang in there, cupojoe2. It'll get better :wink:

[danceguy]

It's a known fact that followers increase in skill far faster than leads in the early stages. It was frustrating getting passed by women I started with

Seen that happen too many times! A beginner who is cute and a good follower suddenly has every advanced lead giving her special lessons on the dance floor, while us guys are getting turned down left and right! :headwall:

It is a rare occurance (never happened to me) to see a beautiful madly skilled Salsera take a guy who is a novice and teach him the ropes. So don't give up guys...I'm still a beginner but I'm not afraid to ask more advanced women to dance anymore. You may be surprised as well, some of them aren't as fun to dance with as you might think! :oops:

Brotha when I hit that spike and passed them, they were like :shock: and I was like :twisted:

Hmm, don't think I'm there yet man, but maybe someday...;)

SG

[etchuck]

It is a rare occurance (never happened to me) to see a beautiful madly skilled Salsera take a guy who is a novice and teach him the ropes.

Could it be because they don't teach women to lead (that much) in salsa, much less any other ballroom dance, unless they are really dedicated to teaching it? Could it be that men have more fragile egos (stereotyping alert warning) that the concept of being told to do something by a woman is somehow a social faux pas? Could it be that the madly skilled salseros want to teach cute newbie women to dance salsa for a reason other than trying to improve the novice's appreciation of dancing?

I think we KNOW what the answers are to these questions, so I doubt it should surprise me that much that no salseras I know have ever given me... extra lessons. :wink:

[Sagitta]

stage 2. Beginner. ~4 months
The enormity of my undertaking started to sink in. Intimidated and scared of everything and everybody, very poor following skills (interpreted most leads as basic turns :lol: ), horrified of going to night clubs, discovered and joined DF for moral support and information :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: .
To sum up - BEGINNERS HELL.


Sometimes I wish the Salsa posters would just lie a little -- the truth is kind of scary...

Right now... I am in BEGINNER'S HELL as far a salsa goes... but for some reason, I don't feel that "intimidated and scared" about any other dance...

Naww... Once you know that many of those show offs out there went through what you did, it isn't as bad.

[Vin]

Wow, this brings back memories of being at a party too shy to ask for a dance and not good enough to ever get a second one. Oh the days.
It still happens occasionaly, if I go to a club and I know nobody I get a little intimidated. The best way to get over this is to practice alot, get a few dancing friends(dare I say a dancing clique) and go out with them. When you have your dancing friends you feel much more at ease dancing with everyone and you have people you can dance with right there.

[cupojoe2]

Naww... Once you know that many of those show offs out there went through what you did, it isn't as bad.

Now that's more like it... :wink:

[salsachinita]

It is a rare occurance (never happened to me) to see a beautiful madly skilled Salsera take a guy who is a novice and teach him the ropes.

Could it be because they don't teach women to lead (that much) in salsa, much less any other ballroom dance, unless they are really dedicated to teaching it? Could it be that men have more fragile egos (stereotyping alert warning) that the concept of being told to do something by a woman is somehow a social faux pas? Could it be that the madly skilled salseros want to teach cute newbie women to dance salsa for a reason other than trying to improve the novice's appreciation of dancing?

I think we KNOW what the answers are to these questions, so I doubt it should surprise me that much that no salseras I know have ever given me... extra lessons. :wink:

Too right, guys.....!

I am the first one to admit that I cannot teach because I don't know the leads.......but once the newbie guys leant a bit of the leads & patterns I can work with their timing, feels, and musicality.

But I can only work with those who are open to me.

I've taken a few newbies under my wings (so to speak :wink: ) in the past six mths or so.........it's amazing (to say the least) to watch these guys soar........(they have become some of my fav partners.....the girls are starting to fight over them :wink: )!

This is SOOOOO satisfying......sharing the common love of salsa as a lifestyle 8) .

[danceguy]

Very true Salsachinita...there are very few followers who can teach a leader his part. That's great you're working with beginners...we need more Salseras like you on the scene! :D

That being said, in all honestly, I tend avoid dancing with women who know how to lead...because they usually give me advice I didn't ask for...as well as try and backlead me like there's no tomorrow. :evil:

Can't have your cake and eat it too I guess. :oops:

SG

[salsachinita]

Noticed I said the word OPEN...

This applies to both leads & follows. If you are open, you will learn.

I do not teach, I simply share what I know, and hope that others share theirs with me too.

Intimidation is a phase that will pass, it's by no means permenant, like most things in life.

Just the other weekend, I attended MY very first workshop by Luis & Joby. For those of DFers who knows me, you ALL remember how nervous/intimidated I was prior to the event.....I was even contemplating on NOT turning up to the social, night before the workshop........

I was glad I did, for when I got a chance to converse & dance with Luis, I realised that he's just like one of my Latino bros I grew up with.......despite the fame, he is REAL. I was immediately at ease when I follow his leads :D .

So the real barrier is in our own minds. We are intimidated from the lack of understanding. Fear of unknown/unfamiliar. Human/animal nature.

*I am learning about myself every single day.....there is still a loooong way to go*

[Canadian Guy]

Very true Salsachinita...there are very few followers who can teach a leader his part. That's great you're working with beginners...we need more Salseras like you on the scene! :D

That being said, in all honestly, I tend avoid dancing with women who know how to lead...because they usually give me advice I didn't ask for...as well as try and backlead me like there's no tomorrow. :evil:

SG

Me being the beginner, I love it when a woman backleads me. :wink: I used to think it was bad when I wanted a woman to go left she goes right, now I look at it as an opportunity to learn a new move. When something like that happens, I stop and ask the woman what she is expecting when I lead left and she goes right. This is when the woman will teach me a new variant of some move I already know or a transition to another move I already know or a completely new move.

If you were to ask the woman straight out, please teach me some new moves, 99 times out of 100 she will say this: I don't know how to lead and can't help you but if she starts to backlead you or hestiates in the middle of a move, she can usually teach you a new move from that position or give you advise on how to lead that move better.

I now look forward to dancing with woman who backlead me. Sorry, backleading may be too strong a word. Very few woman I have danced with actually backlead but a lot anticipate a move and are caught flat footed when I do something different than what they anticpated. What I am interested in is what were they anticpating - this is how I get the woman to teach me new moves / patterns / better leading cues.

[salsachinita]

:idea: that's a different angle :idea:

Thanks for that, Canadian Guy 8) !

[danceguy]

Candian Guy -

I really enjoyed reading your post, you have a very unique and interesting perspective. May I ask how long you have been dancing? I adjust my lead depending on how the lady responds...but I'm also one of those guys that after being taught a pattern to practice in class, I will throw other things in or mix things up...I'm much too non-conformist to follow things exactly. ;)

Most of the "backleaders" I encounter are complete beginners to Salsa...and many haven't done much social dancing. So usually they are still nervous and a bit jumpy, which is completely understandable! I don't encounter it as much with someone at my level or higher.

I used to stop if things get mixed up, but now I just smile and then try to blend things together and keep going.

Hmm...I think I may have to give your idea a try though! It did happen to me once when I dancing with a girl who kept wanting to spin more...and finally I asked her "do you want me to spin you more?" and she then mentioned she wanted to work on her spins...and I think she may have been on a dance team as well.

I wasn't comfortable leading multiple spins...but soon I had her spinning all over the place...and I was blown away that I was able to lead her through motions that I never would have had the courage to try otherwise. My dancing hit a new level that night...and I have that girl to thank for it. :D :P

Thank you for the advice!

Sincerely,

SG

[Haz]

Hej guys/gals,

I've been following the boards for a few weeks now so I'd figure I'd post something and contribute :p. Problem is I've only been dancing one week more then I've been cruising the boards (I've learned tons and tons of things since btw...its one amazing source of info).

A seasoned dancer approached me 3 weeks back looking for a partner to take salsa classes with. I blindly jumped aboard (not having done ANY dancing since Irish step dancing about 10 years back) and we attended the last lesson of a beginner’s course. Since it was my first time dancing, she was taking me through the basic step, simple spin, etc. We approached the teacher afterwards and requested to join the Intermediate class if I could get my act together (she, with success, requested the same thing a week before by herself). He gave the low down on how if I fell behind I'd just be wasting the time/money/etc...

So a week of blaring the salsa tunes, cruising the web for every tip known to man regarding salsa (hours on this forum), and two practices with my partner later, I had some decent steps and a feel for the music. One thing that is key here is her ability to teach the lead. At the beginning she knew in her mind every move I was capable of...so anticipating the lead was a factor. But now I try to learn one little variation or different move for each time we meet and she never knows when it's coming (great practice for beginner leads and followers alike I think).

We got into the intermediate class (2 of em already) and practice about 10 hours a week. Like I mentioned earlier about 'blindly' entering the class with her...I hadn't counted on the passion I'd get for the dance so fast. I'm looking for all the songs I can (especially from the 'Instruments that move you', but without success there), downloading countless instructional videos that are linked from this forum, and it's even to the point where I run all the moves I know in my mind while I wait for every bus or subway.

We attended a free (had to pretend we attended the university to get in but they don't really check) beginners salsa class last week to get a different view on it. Was very interesting (and relative to this thread...sorry if I get off-topic some times). They were split up into the beginner beginners and the sort of beginners. We took the easier circle to pick up on what they've learned already. They taught the casino basic step (we've been learning Cuban), how to switch from casino to Cuban (with a spin) and back again. The deal was, though, that you switch partners every 5 minutes.

Being a newb at the dancing, I haven't danced with many others, but I was totally taken back by the difficulty I had at leading. Experienced my first major back lead too. I thought I had the step down...but she totally back lead something else end then went on to explain how it should have been done...something about doing a R-L-R twice in a row without switching to a L-R-L...By nature I just said 'aight' and danced the way she wanted to. Any suggestions on what to do in that situation?

We went around the circle and when my partner got back to me, it was like we both mysteriously had the moves down pat. I know shouldn't be locking my lead into one persons style, but she was the only one I felt comfortable dancing with (and actually followed the leads). I read a post here once about a guy who was hi-jacked and dipped by his follower...mentioned that to my partner but she just cringed at the thought of having to spin me instead :p.

Anyways, I just wanted to get my two cents in there and my name thrown out. I'm going to start posting more with some questions/comments that keep coming up when I'm trying to learn the stuff. Keep up the great advice, cause there's at least one more couple that’s fallen victim to checking the boards several times a day ;). Cheers.

Haz

[SDsalsaguy]

Hiya Haz... and welcome to the ranks of registered and posting DF members! :D

Thanks for sharing your story too, I really enjoyed reading it. I think you're definately on your way... heck, I'm even jealous! I wish that I could find someone willing to, let alone interested in, putting in 10 hours of practice in a week!

It's 4:00am here and I've got to get some sleep (I'm expecting an important call sometime this morning) but I look forward to "seeing" more of you in the forums.

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

I'm going to start posting more with some questions/comments that keep coming up when I'm trying to learn the stuff. Keep up the great advice, cause there's at least one more couple that’s fallen victim to checking the boards several times a day ;). Cheers.

Haz

Glad to have you with us Haz!! Thanks for your post. I didn´t have a seasoned partner to help me out in the beginning so I just stuck to an 1 hour class per week and the ocasional trip to the club (though dreadful and terrifying it was...). It took me a long time to feel comfortable dancing with a partner. Glad to know you´re taking it serious, but don´t forget the most important thing is to have fun! There are many salseros/as here at the DF with great advice on any almost any thing. Look forward to reading your posts.

[Haz]

Definitely need to have fun. The only reason we can practice so much is because it's a laugh fest every time we do. A good portion of it is poking fun at songs or crazy salsa steps we can come up with.

Speaking of which I've got a challenge for all the music listeners out there. There's a song that is on my playlist for our practices and we always seem to dance the best to it (mainly cause we're just having fun and I don't have to think of what I lead too much...just lead it). The chorus says something that sounds an awful lot like "Cookie man" with a Jamaican accent. I don't speak Spanish so I have no clue what the words are. The start is a 4 bar piano intro that sounds pretty jazzy...I know it's a long shot but we go around calling it the Cookie-man song. Heaven forbid I actually make it to a club where they take requests, I'd definitely want that one spun.

Thanks for the welcome, I'm going to be putting up a post later on today with some of the questions that have been coming up. Cheers.

HAZ

[borikensalsero]

HAZ a most warm welcome to a salsero in the making! Glad to know you have found DF a great place, and are ready to jump in the pot and leave your flavor all over DF.

:D :D :D :D

[Canadian Guy]

Candian Guy -

May I ask how long you have been dancing? I adjust my lead depending on how the lady responds...but I'm also one of those guys that after being taught a pattern to practice in class, I will throw other things in or mix things up...I'm much too non-conformist to follow things exactly. ;)
SG

I only been dancing since late last summer. Took some beginner Salsa lessons as a favour for a friend at first and I am still taking lessons but now its for me :P Just started on ballroom 2 weeks ago.

Never ever danced before in my life before that.

I am also like you in class, when we are taught a pattern in class, I will change the sequence of the pattern or add another move to the pattern just to see if I am leading it properly or if she has just memorized the pattern.

When I was talking the backleading method of learning new moves, I would only do to people I know took their lessons from a school/instructor different than mine. You can usually tell because we will be dancing fairly smoothly and then all of the sudden in a particular pattern she will be caught flat footed or you lose the connection buy only in that move or position. In that case, you know she is anticipating you and its something different than what I have learned.

[salsachinita]

Welcome to DF, Haz!

Looooovvvvvved your story.........so glad to have you join us....!

One of our best Cuban teacher had spent some time (studying) in Sweden as well, where she first started salsa (then she got SOOOO into it she went to Cuba. The rest is history).

:wink: So you just never know where this passion can take you :wink: !

[Pacion]

Welcome Haz! Looking forward to your questions. There is nothing like questions to make you realise how much/little you know :wink:

[Soñador]

As for me, I was lucky because the first times I only went dancing with my partner who was as good as me so I wasn't alone... Once I went alone without her, tried dancing with another girl and sucked sooo much... I spent the rest of the night sitting and looking at those great dancers... But anyways, I didn't give up! Now these times are over... Now I'm among the ones that people is looking at :lol:

[Haz]

Nice stuff Soñador...I'd like to get to that point some day...but I think the biggest drive for me, or the main target, is the improv sweet spot. I'm really new to the dancing ropes but I've been playing music for years now (it's always been my greatest passion). Improve on the sax was the aspect I enjoyed most of it, and reading here and watching people dance, it's easy to see the same thing is possible in salsa. Thats where I want to be - knowing my move repertoire to the point when I can just smile, lock eyes, and let the dance flow. It's something I've done many times with sax in hand, but with my entire body expressing the emotion would be something else...am I way off mark here or is that indeed a point to be reached?

Thanks for the welcome boriken, chinita, and pacion...heading to post a beginners question thread as we speak ;). Cheers.

HAZ

[SDsalsaguy]

...am I way off mark here or is that indeed a point to be reached?
Heya Haz... you're not off base in the least! That's exactly the state I'm reaching for every time I step on the floor...

[Soñador]

...am I way off mark here or is that indeed a point to be reached?
Heya Haz... you're not off base in the least! That's exactly the state I'm reaching for every time I step on the floor...

YEP! :wink:

[Jack]

I try and dance at our schools socials, there are usually 150 people I'd say at them.
At all different levels of progression, for me that has been a confidence builder as the house is being built.

We have these social once a month, then I go out to clubs wiht some of my partmers at the classes and have fun.......

Chau..

RFR = Ready for Rio again this year........

[aragonh]

I remember my first dances at clubs. I would usually run to the middle of the dance so no one else can see me. The partners i picked were mostly beginners also. So we were both cool that no one will see our mistakes!!



Hey Ino, what clubs do you go 2 in chicago?? Im thining of going there at end of April.

[Jack]

aragonh.


I like that last sentence you wrote!

Ladies, Im that dancer your mother warned you about.

[aragonh]

Thanx Jack

Its my signature

Actually, I saw the quote on a shirt that I want to really really get. But I have yet to see a Vendor with it. As soon as I see it, though iM Going to buy it!!!!!!

[Jack]

aragon h


Idea, get iron on transfers for your printer...

I have some wild ones for my yearly Rio trips!

[ino]

Hey Ino, what clubs do you go 2 in chicago?? Im thining of going there at end of April.

Well I'm not currently living in chicago....I'm in champaign for school, but one club I like is this club on Rockwell and North. It's called the Dominican club and its open fridays and saturdays from 12am-5am. I am usually there when I go to chicago and the music they play is all salsa/bachata/merengue. TI'll ask some of my friends where they go and when I find out more places I'll post them.

[Sagitta]

Thanks ino and don't let those people intimidate you. I don't. :oops:

I know that salsarhythms was compiling a list of best clubs to go to in different places, to share, so I think he would also be interested in your info.

My major problem when I started was not relaxing and listening to the music and letting it become part of me. When I do that, which I do more and more of these days moves just naturally flow. Living and breathing salsa music 24/7 helps. :wink: :) Works for other dances too. I like the song I can dance better. I don't really like the song I'm so so, or even tripping over my feet.

[tj]

Seen that happen too many times! A beginner who is cute and a good follower suddenly has every advanced lead giving her special lessons on the dance floor, while us guys are getting turned down left and right!


Happens all the time...


:headwall:


I like this icon!!!


It is a rare occurance (never happened to me) to see a beautiful madly skilled Salsera take a guy who is a novice and teach him the ropes.

IMHO, I think it's that most advanced salseras can't teach a novice how to get beyond the initial beginning stages like the way an advanced salsero can get a follow up to speed. Most advanced follows that I know haven't learned leading (beyond an "Improver" level at least).

The learning curve is daunting at first, but it's quite rewarding once you hit a certain stage. There's potentially a lot of BS to wade thru, in the meantime.

One thing (pardon my rant) would you guys stop hogging the follows! :wink: There's this one guy in particular who acts like he "owns" a couple of salseras who he's been taking classes with. Hey, the rest of us would like to dance with her, too!

[Haz]

Figured this'd be a good place to post 'bout my first club experience :tongue: . Brings a whole new meaning to the word intimidation. There were some crazy awesome dancers on the floor that made it look like all these complicated patterns were as easy as a stroll to the corner store.

We got to a club with live music though (very cool). Only problem was the percussion was mic'd and could barely hear the vocals. There was one ripping tenor sax player though and I went nuts on the inside when he wailed out a solo (I think/hope it showed a tad on the outside too :wink: ).

One thing I hadn't been expecting was the 'battlefield' atmosphere. It seemed like all the leads were selecting their moves specifically to claim more floor space. The more flashy the spin, the better the weapon his follow was. If I did the basic step for more then a few bars, it was hellish hard to get enough room back to do anything at all...Best method I found was to start with some XBL's until you can do some simple spins...then once you have enough room for the two of ya to spin, you don't stop until the song's over (move after move after...).

All in all it was a rockin night though...There was a 4 couple Reudo show halfway through the night too...very cool to watch.

One thing (pardon my rant) would you guys stop hogging the follows! :wink: There's this one guy in particular who acts like he "owns" a couple of salseras who he's been taking classes with. Hey, the rest of us would like to dance with her, too!

Sorry, but due to the intimidation factor I was unable to even consider asking someone other then my salsa partner to dance :oops: and fall into this category. But when I did head to the bathroom for a quick second, it took 4 songs for her to fight off the best salsero's on the floor to get back to me :shock: . No joke - she danced with (in my opinion) the best dancer I saw all night for 2 songs straight. Who's the bad man with the rockin salsera? *cough*Haz*cough*. 8) 8) 8)




:headwall:


I like this icon!!!


me too :lol:

[mellody43]

Everybody goes through this -- it's part of the 'initiation' process. :-)

I am still intimidated by really good dancers and either will 1) not ask them of my own accord or 2) make some small joke about not being quite at their level if THEY ask ME so they are prepared.

It gets easier with time; as you continue going out, you will make new acquaintances and then feel comfortable asking them to dance the next time you see them.

Melissa

[Haz]

It gets easier with time; as you continue going out, you will make new acquaintances and then feel comfortable asking them to dance the next time you see them.


Don't think I'll have any chance of that here. I've only been dancing for little more then a month now and it's all been in a country I'm new to and won't be staying much longer in (on exchange in Sweden).

I've got absolutely no clue what the salsa scene is like back home or what the clubs there hold in store for me :tongue: . Only thing for sure is that I've gotta keep doin it some way or another 8) .

[mellody43]

I've got absolutely no clue what the salsa scene is like back home or what the clubs there hold in store for me :tongue: . Only thing for sure is that I've gotta keep doin it some way or another 8) .

That's what we like to hear! =)

[Sagitta]

Ditto!!

I ask them all. You just got to in order to get better. If you only dance with your partner I find that you tend to compensate for each other over time and mistakes are left uncorrected.

[youngsta]

It gets easier with time; as you continue going out, you will make new acquaintances and then feel comfortable asking them to dance the next time you see them.

Very, very true!

[meagalita]

there is a similar post to this on the salsagang website about shyness..it all comes down to "not shrinking", or, not making yourself "smaller" than who you really are. easier said than done, especially as a newbie. and especially if the guy i am dancing with is attractive and very good, *and* i know that he is well known and i feel self concious. you know that feeling when you just stiffen your whole body..to counteract this i breathe deeply, smile, feel my feet on the floor, and deconstrict my pelvis. or, when i'm not dancing with someone, sometimes i'll just wiggle a bit off to the sides so i don't get stiff again when it's time to dance.
also to make yourself smaller in the presence of someone else doesn't help them either. the insecure ones may get an outward ego boost from it, but truly happy people don't want others to shrink, but to be their full radiant selves. boy am i on a positive thinking kick tonight :)

[MacMoto]

boy am i on a positive thinking kick tonight :)
Yeah, and I like that. :)

[SDsalsaguy]

boy am i on a positive thinking kick tonight :)
Well, as the saying goes... if ya got it, flaunt it! :wink:

[Danish Guy]

It gets easier with time; as you continue going out, you will make new acquaintances and then feel comfortable asking them to dance the next time you see them.


Don't think I'll have any chance of that here. I've only been dancing for little more then a month now and it's all been in a country I'm new to and won't be staying much longer in (on exchange in Sweden).


Ask some of them to dance anyway. Worst case they will say no, or maybe say no the next time. So what, you’re gone. But you will get some valuable experience about the club to take with you when you leave.

Maybe it's intimidation without any reason, and you will have a blast.
I think tit is. :wink:

[Sagitta]

So how's the intimidation thing going? Have all those of you who were having issues passed them by? Haz? Ino? Anyone else with experiences to share to help those newbies out there?

[Vin]

So how's the intimidation thing going? Have all those of you who were having issues passed them by? Haz? Ino? Anyone else with experiences to share to help those newbies out there?

I am going through this again. I am new to the DC scene and it is huge compared to the little salsa pond where I was before.
I have read over and over online about how to get more dances but one thing that they neglect to emphasize is that this is a slow process. It will not happen overnight.
A couple of things I have done that seem to have had some positive results:
1) Ask anyone to dance and accept dances from everyone. I am using discretion with the "elite" group for now which is a little better for the ego in all actuality. In some instances I have asked an "elite" dancer to dance and often times I am simply ignored. Other times I do get a couple of dances. I am spreading myself around though. This leads to alot more dances.
2) Keep going back to the same places. You start to see the same places and will be able to get return dances. Also take the classes.
3) Remember names. I had a dance with one girl a couple of weeks ago and when I asked her to dance by name last week she seemed really flattered that I remembered her name.

[Lita_rulez]

My very first time in a salsa club ?

Well, to cut a long story short, I did sware going out that I would never ever go back to a salsa venue again.

:shock:

obviously, I did not do very good on that promess.

[Vin]

Did you go back to that particular place again?

[Sagitta]

When I started and got intimidated I went back to the place again, after a while, but when the crowd was more diverse. I guess I still was shameless back then, just jumping in without any latin dance experience whatsoever. I guess it was a bit too much for me. :oops: Summer 2003 there weren't many people around, but Fall 2003 with the college/university students back was a lot easier. I also had started taking lessons then, which might have helped.. :)

[Lita_rulez]

Did you go back to that particular place again?

Yep, I went back to that particular place twice.

The first time was the first time I went to a salsa event after I had started really taking lessons.
It was a nice evening, nice time with new friends. But terrible salsa night, I still was very shy, not confortable with my dancing, only dared invite a very few follow, and did not dance very good.

The second time was a few months later, and I had become a much better dancer. No confidance problem whatsoever, and danced almost all night long. 8)

[MacMoto]

I have read over and over online about how to get more dances but one thing that they neglect to emphasize is that this is a slow process. It will not happen overnight.
That's very true -- you need to keep going back, sell your face and get to know other dancers. You give really good advice, Vin :) (though I must admit I'm terrible with names... :oops:).

[ratherbdancing]

I think that I am sometimes a little intimidatiting just because im so young and im good. So a lot of times there will be guys that wont dance with me for months after i meet them, and im always waiting for them because i always am nice and talk to them, but they just wont dance with me because they are intimidated. But as soon as they ask me I am very gracious and smile and thank them like 2 or 3 times. Then they always come back for more. :lol:

[youngsta]

You know it's strange being on the other side of the fence now. Last night a woman walked up to me and said she loves to watch me dance and hoped I would dance with her even though she's not 'good enough'. I basically told her of course I'd dance with her, I don't bite! But it's so crazy to find all these people intimidated of asking now. It's just me, I'm there to dance just like everyone else.

[borikensalsero]

You know it's strange being on the other side of the fence now. Last night a woman walked up to me and said she loves to watch me dance and hoped I would dance with her even though she's not 'good enough'. I basically told her of course I'd dance with her, I don't bite! But it's so crazy to find all these people intimidated of asking now. It's just me, I'm there to dance just like everyone else.

It is rather funny, I had a girl run after our dance screaming that she'd finally danced with me. Waving hands in the air, and finally telling her friend, I told, I told you he was puerto rican! :shock: Damn, I think she confused me with someone else.

[squirrel]

:) I think it was you, there was no mistake, boriken... :lol: :lol:

[Lita_rulez]

You know it's strange being on the other side of the fence now. Last night a woman walked up to me and said she loves to watch me dance and hoped I would dance with her even though she's not 'good enough'. I basically told her of course I'd dance with her, I don't bite! But it's so crazy to find all these people intimidated of asking now. It's just me, I'm there to dance just like everyone else.

Yep, I see exactly what you mean. The biggest part of the surprise being that we (well, I anyway) do not view ourselves as such good dancers...

I for one know I still feel like I am a litle newbe in the salsaworld, and have so much to learn. When I look at dancers I admire, I can see such a gap between me and them. So I have a hard time imagining I could have the same effect on someone.

The bigest example was a few weeks ago. A very good friend who I have not danced with in a long time was there. I don't really know why we have not danced together in months, because she was either not there or she was leaving very early. I invited her to dance, and she was all shaky, like "gosh, I am dancing with that great dancer I have been looking at for such a long time and never dare invite".
I mean, come on, it's ME ! You were more advanced then I was when we met !

[tj]

So how's the intimidation thing going? Have all those of you who were having issues passed them by? Haz? Ino? Anyone else with experiences to share to help those newbies out there?

I am going through this again. I am new to the DC scene and it is huge compared to the little salsa pond where I was before.
I have read over and over online about how to get more dances but one thing that they neglect to emphasize is that this is a slow process. It will not happen overnight.
A couple of things I have done that seem to have had some positive results:
1) Ask anyone to dance and accept dances from everyone. I am using discretion with the "elite" group for now which is a little better for the ego in all actuality. In some instances I have asked an "elite" dancer to dance and often times I am simply ignored. Other times I do get a couple of dances. I am spreading myself around though. This leads to alot more dances.
2) Keep going back to the same places. You start to see the same places and will be able to get return dances. Also take the classes.
3) Remember names. I had a dance with one girl a couple of weeks ago and when I asked her to dance by name last week she seemed really flattered that I remembered her name.

Hey Vin,

We'll have to compare notes next time we're both out.

I'm really bad at #3, btw...

[Preko]

Yep, I see exactly what you mean. The biggest part of the surprise being that we (well, I anyway) do not view ourselves as such good dancers...

I for one know I still feel like I am a litle newbe in the salsaworld, and have so much to learn. When I look at dancers I admire, I can see such a gap between me and them. So I have a hard time imagining I could have the same effect on someone.

The bigest example was a few weeks ago. A very good friend who I have not danced with in a long time was there. I don't really know why we have not danced together in months, because she was either not there or she was leaving very early. I invited her to dance, and she was all shaky, like "gosh, I am dancing with that great dancer I have been looking at for such a long time and never dare invite".
I mean, come on, it's ME ! You were more advanced then I was when we met !

Don't listen him, he's a very good dancer :D :D .
I think it's good to not view ourselves as such good dancers... With this kind of feelings we are still able to invite beginners, and able to improve our salsa.

[mambochino]

I hear ya salsachinita!! My first time at Steven's on a Sunday was sheer terror. All I did was watch the whole night!!

i just read this and i can't help it Rob. You were not the only 1. I was the same way :lol: :lol: :lol:

You know, even now, i still get nervous dancing with a good dancer that I have never danced with before. Esp. NY/NJ dancers :oops: :oops: :oops:

[mambochino]

Just a couple instructors recommendation for your area. Here are 2 instructors in your area that are great dancers, teach good techniques and pay attention to details.

Washingto DC area - Shaka G. Brown

www.clavekazi.com

In Chicago, I highly recommended Sakou McMiller. I took his workshop in SD at the beginning of the year. Thought I could slack off a lil in the back of the class (his workshop was difficult :P ) and he actually paid attention to me. :oops:

http://411.salsafrenzy.com/Sekou

[squirrel]

On Thursday I was refused by one of my students! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

I was like "Why????" and he said "Because you're my instructor and you intimidate me... I don't even remember basic patterns when dancing with you!" and he's one of my best students!!! I was like :?: :?: :?: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: WHAT? Yes... and I was even dressed up decently, so it's not my charm :wink: :wink: :wink: !!!

Gosh... :evil: :evil:

[MacMoto]

I do understand what your student says... dancing with your teacher always feels a bit like sitting an exam. I try not to worry about it and enjoy the dance the same way I do with any other leader, but I must admit it's not always easy. I never refuse to dance with any of my current or former teachers though.

I do think female teachers have a hard time getting dances... I feel for you, Squirrel.

[Lita_rulez]

On Thursday I was refused by one of my students! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

I was like "Why????" and he said "Because you're my instructor and you intimidate me... I don't even remember basic patterns when dancing with you!" and he's one of my best students!!! I was like :?: :?: :?: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: WHAT? Yes... and I was even dressed up decently, so it's not my charm :wink: :wink: :wink: !!!

Gosh... :evil: :evil:

OK, I just want to ask something, as a favour...

I mean, I'd really really like to dance with you. I am actually very much looking forward to it.

But I to, am a litle shy and easily intimidated if I dance with an instructor.

So please, promess me, for the sake of a correct dance, just so that my mind does not focus on the fact that I am dancing with a terrific teacher, I'm begging you...

Don't dress up decently when we meet :twisted:

[squirrel]

:lol: :lol: I am the best instructor and dancer you have ever seen! :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink:

And I always dress to impress...! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

[peachexploration]

....Washingto DC area - Shaka G. Brown .....

I love watching this guy dance!!!! And talk about intimidation. I know I would definitely faint if I was ever asked to dance (oh, scratch that) I mean put on the same dance floor with him. :lol: :lol:

[Sabor]

the tighter the clothes.. more intimidated/intimidating i get :P

[peachexploration]

the tighter the clothes.. more intimidated/intimidating i get :P

Hmm, let me see what I have in my closet.... :lol: :lol: :lol:

Silly man... :nope:

[Sabor]

:mrgreen:

why wear clothes when u can wear bikinis? :P

[danceguy]

Squirrel - I have a female teacher as well that I always dance with socially...and sometimes I do get some butterflies since she is a fabulous dancer and very, very attractive. A lot of guys I know won't dance with her because of this, and she used to intimidate the living heck out of me! First few times we danced I couldn't do a thing...I'd mess everything up...step on her toes...so finally when I found out she was a teacher...I was inspired to learn from her. If a guy can dance and be comfortable with someone that really intimidates them, then asking the rest of those beautiful ladies should get easier eventually. ;)

A few weeks ago we were dancing and I messed something up...and she corrected me and then said "oh lets try that again!"...and I almost walked away from her. I know she was trying to help...and while I do want to learn to be a better lead...sometimes when I'm trying my best to be have a good dance with her...having someone go into 'teacher mode' ruins the energy and the fun! :oops: :? :(

I know it must be hard being in the teacher's shoes...wanting to see theirs students excel and become better dancers. But maybe a better way would be to introduce them to more ladies...or get more women to show up at the dances...wait...I'm thinking out loud for myself...bad me... :roll: :wink: :D

SG

[sanityhaven]

:lol: :lol: I am the best instructor and dancer you have ever seen! :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink:

And I always dress to impress...! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

and modest too. :wink:

[tj]

Just a couple instructors recommendation for your area. Here are 2 instructors in your area that are great dancers, teach good techniques and pay attention to details.

Washingto DC area - Shaka G. Brown

www.clavekazi.com

In Chicago, I highly recommended Sakou McMiller. I took his workshop in SD at the beginning of the year. Thought I could slack off a lil in the back of the class (his workshop was difficult :P ) and he actually paid attention to me. :oops:

http://411.salsafrenzy.com/Sekou

Ooo! I like him, too. He was teaching in Seattle this past summer.

[mambochino]

who is? Shaka or Sakou?

[tj]

who is? Shaka or Sakou?

Sakou (sp) was.

Shaka is still local to here (DC/VA).

[mambochino]

both of them got skills. esp the body speration. :P

[ratherbdancing]

On Thursday I was refused by one of my students! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

I was like "Why????" and he said "Because you're my instructor and you intimidate me... I don't even remember basic patterns when dancing with you!" and he's one of my best students!!! I was like :?: :?: :?: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: WHAT? Yes... and I was even dressed up decently, so it's not my charm :wink: :wink: :wink: !!!

Gosh... :evil: :evil:

I dont understand how someone could feel this way. My instructors are my favorite partners. Especially my coach. I love dancing with him and he always has a way of making me forget that I should be worrying about footwork and technique- with him I can just dance. Whenever we dance it kinda has the feel like if we were just out dancing in a club or something. Its defenitley like a game esp. in mambo or chacha- its like a constant challenge- he always tries stuff that he thinks will mess me up but hes never successful with that- im a good follower :D , so we always have this "look what i can do , can you do that" thing going on. However, I will admit that when i had just started out for the first year I got somewhat intimidated/ nervous- but never enough to make me refuse a dance.

[Sagitta]

On Thursday I was refused by one of my students! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

I was like "Why????" and he said "Because you're my instructor and you intimidate me... I don't even remember basic patterns when dancing with you!" and he's one of my best students!!!

I dont understand how someone could feel this way. My instructors are my favorite partners. Especially my coach. I love dancing with him and he always has a way of making me forget that I should be worrying about footwork and technique- with him I can just dance. Whenever we dance it kinda has the feel like if we were just out dancing in a club or something. [ ] However, I will admit that when i had just started out for the first year I got somewhat intimidated/ nervous- but never enough to make me refuse a dance.

Perhaps it is different between a follower and a leader dancing with their teacher.

[tj]

I dont understand how someone could feel this way. My instructors are my favorite partners. Especially my coach. I love dancing with him and he always has a way of making me forget that I should be worrying about footwork and technique- with him I can just dance.

You've pretty much summed it up as to why sometimes, it's no fun to dance with an instructor who's a follower.

Sometimes, when you dance with a follow who teaches, it feels more like a judgement of your footwork and technique rather than just enjoying the dance.

Of course, not all of them are like that, but there are enough times that it happens that you'd rather avoid dancing with someone who's too picky/fussy.

[squirrel]

sanityhaven, modesty is the quality of those who have no other quality! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Really, I am not judging him and I like him and wanted to dance with him! He's a very fast learner and a good lead... but intimidated! And I am not so gorgeously looking to leave them breathless (really now! I know how I look!) so they have NO REASON to fell intimidated...! And I don't volunteer to teach while I dance! No way! :evil:

[MacMoto]

Really, I am not judging him and I like him and wanted to dance with him! He's a very fast learner and a good lead... but intimidated! And I am not so gorgeously looking to leave them breathless (really now! I know how I look!) so they have NO REASON to fell intimidated...!
Yeah it's all in his head, it's difficult for you to do anything about it and that's why it's so frustrating. Did you tell him these things at the time -- that you think he's a good lead and enjoy dancing with him? Keep telling him. Some guys need a lot of convincing!

[Lita_rulez]

And I am not so gorgeously looking to leave them breathless

Yeah, right... :roll:

(really now! I know how I look!)

No you don't :twisted:

[squirrel]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: sure I do!

And you don't know Romanian girls! They're so beautiful! If you ever come to Romania you'd like to move here! It has happened before...! :twisted:

[sanityhaven]

sanityhaven, modesty is the quality of those who have no other quality!

That'd make a great signature. I'll have to remember that quote. :D

Speaking from a beginner lead's point of view, I have mixed feelings about dancing with my instructor. On one hand if I feel confident about the steps/technique I've learned, I love dancing with her. On the other hand, if I'm still struggling with the steps or technique then become nervous and timid when dancing with her.

She's a great instructor and in my mind it feels like I'm letting her down if I’m not able to dance what she’s taught me.

[Danish Guy]

On Thursday I was refused by one of my students! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

I was like "Why????" and he said "Because you're my instructor and you intimidate me... I don't even remember basic patterns when dancing with you!" and he's one of my best students!!!

I dont understand how someone could feel this way. My instructors are my favorite partners. Especially my coach. I love dancing with him and he always has a way of making me forget that I should be worrying about footwork and technique- with him I can just dance. Whenever we dance it kinda has the feel like if we were just out dancing in a club or something. [ ] However, I will admit that when i had just started out for the first year I got somewhat intimidated/ nervous- but never enough to make me refuse a dance.

Perhaps it is different between a follower and a leader dancing with their teacher.

I would dance with any instructor asking me.
And there would be no pressure on me.
Because they asked for it!
I can relax, and just dance.

Me asking a super instructor is different.
I will have a pressure on me, to deliver something.
I won’t ask somebody I think I will bore with my dance.
Asking is like telling myself and the instructor I’m good.
And I might start with some nerves, and constantly
evaluating my self and notice my faults.

I had the same situation as a beginner, with the skilled salseras.
If they asked I could say yes, and be off the hook at the same time.

Don’t know if this gives any meaning to you?

[ratherbdancing]

Whats interesting is that at my studio, the male instructors dance basically every day whereas the female instructors rarely dance at all. When they do dance, its typically a advanced student of theirs that asked. I think that restrain themselves from asking because we have more girls then guys and so they dont want to hog all of the guys. But, the newer guys are often too intimidated to ask.

[Sabor]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: sure I do!

And you don't know Romanian girls! They're so beautiful! If you ever come to Romania you'd like to move here! It has happened before...! :twisted:

prove it! :twisted:
show some bikini photos :roll: :lol:

[MacMoto]

Me asking a super instructor is different.
I will have a pressure on me, to deliver something.
I won’t ask somebody I think I will bore with my dance.
Asking is like telling myself and the instructor I’m good.
And I might start with some nerves, and constantly
evaluating my self and notice my faults.

I had the same situation as a beginner, with the skilled salseras.
If they asked I could say yes, and be off the hook at the same time.

Don’t know if this gives any meaning to you?
I know what you mean, I feel the same way about dancing with "super instructors" local, national or international, especially when I feel I'm dancing worse than usual.

Having said that, I refuse to be intimidated or feel under pressure to deliver -- I just try to dance my best, like any other time.

I dance with any and all salseros, from beginners to advanced guys, some dances are great and memorable, some are pretty dire :oops:, but that's how you learn to dance better, and I don't see why I should shun instructors just because they are instructors.

Also, I think when instructors come to social dances they come to dance, just like us ordinary dancers. We all get good and bad dances during a night of dancing, we expect it to be like that, instructors must have been around long enough to expect it too, and if I turn out to be one of the bad ones, so be it. One bad dance doesn't turn a night into a disappointment, not getting enough dances does.

[squirrel]

Sabor, check out the photo gallery on my site! and you'll find pretty girls there!

[cocodrilo]

Squirrel- I was pretty intimidated by my teacher because he didn't dance with me like a beginning follow. It totally threw me off every time. I had no idea of the steps and he was writhing all over the place. It happened to most of my friends(who were beginners at the time) who danced with him, too. Instructors have to be careful not to overdo it when dancing with newbies who no only don't know the dance but who are not yet confident with it. I also have intimidated some guys, so they have said, but they seemed to be enjoying the struggle. :wink: .

[squirrel]

But he has never danced with me before! Only once, when I dragged him on the dance floor! And he did only the basic then too! And I never show off wiht beginners... and he's no begginer! He's one of the most advanced guys in my school!

[Sagitta]

But he has never danced with me before! Only once, when I dragged him on the dance floor! And he did only the basic then too! And I never show off wiht beginners... and he's no begginer! He's one of the most advanced guys in my school!

I thought you liked moves? So, you still want to dance with him with only the basic?...hmmm...I wonder what's going on? :wink:

[Sabor]

Sabor, check out the photo gallery on my site! and you'll find pretty girls there!

oooooooh!.. they take posing really seriously in Romania huh? :wink: ayayaa.. mucho caliente mamas 8)

guys.. i think we should go to romania for a few years.. how about it? :lol:

[cocodrilo]

But he has never danced with me before! Only once, when I dragged him on the dance floor! And he did only the basic then too! And I never show off wiht beginners... and he's no begginer! He's one of the most advanced guys in my school!It seems like you are approaching this situation in the right manner. maybe the guy has some kind of complex(closet misogynist, etc) or maybe he is just extremely shy or nervous.

[danceguy]

oooooooh!.. they take posing really seriously in Romania huh? ayayaa.. mucho caliente mamas

guys.. i think we should go to romania for a few years.. how about it?

Wepa! :D

Yes Sabor my friend...count me in! Let's gooooooooooooooo! :car:

I'm so !()@#!&($&(%&@$ tired of going to dances with 900 guys and 2 women (well not bad but close enough!)...plus we could eat polenta and teach squirrel how to dance Salsa on 1 1/2! :P ;)

You could also wear your Vampire outfit! :raisebro:

SG

[cocodrilo]

SG-
Why don't you come over here in Japan to live and be a salsa instructor? You'll be run ragged with teh women to men ratio! :wink:

[danceguy]

Hai hai, I am ScorpionGuy-San, the great Salsa instructor from the West who still can't shift his weight correctly during the basic! :shock: :D

Yes...I could continue my training in kenjitsu...seek out the descendents of Yagyu Munenori...see some Kabuki...and drink SAKE! :twisted: :wink:

(its late and I'm really tired!)

SG

[MacMoto]

oooooooh!.. they take posing really seriously in Romania huh? ayayaa.. mucho caliente mamas

guys.. i think we should go to romania for a few years.. how about it?

Wepa! :D

Yes Sabor my friend...count me in! Let's gooooooooooooooo! :car:

You go ahead Scorpy, and while you are away having fun with gorgeous Romanian girls, I will take over your place and get a taste of 899-guys-to-3-women dances! :wink: :lol:

[Sabor]

:lol: .. some ones negative is another's positive .. never satisfied with what we have :wink: ahhh strange world indeed!

[danceguy]

You go ahead Scorpy, and while you are away having fun with gorgeous Romanian girls, I will take over your place and get a taste of 899-guys-to-3-women dances!

I have a better idea! You and cocodrilo can come visit where I live and we can all dance a few times...plenty of guys for both of you! Then we can go to Japan and dance more and I'll get to dance with lots of ladies and maybe have some sushi. Then, we'll meet up with Sabor in Romania and then he and I will turn into vampires (Scorpio vampires!) and seduce all of the Romanian women! :D :P :twisted: :kissme: :D

Sound good Sabor? :raisebro:

SG

[Jmatthew]

I'm not even a huge salsa dancer, but I'm all for this romania moving thing :)

[Lita_rulez]

You go ahead Scorpy, and while you are away having fun with gorgeous Romanian girls, I will take over your place and get a taste of 899-guys-to-3-women dances!

I have a better idea! You and cocodrilo can come visit where I live and we can all dance a few times...plenty of guys for both of you! Then we can go to Japan and dance more and I'll get to dance with lots of ladies and maybe have some sushi. Then, we'll meet up with Sabor in Romania and then he and I will turn into vampires (Scorpio vampires!) and seduce all of the Romanian women! :D :P :twisted: :kissme: :D

Sound good Sabor? :raisebro:

SG

Sounds like you have everything figured out now have you ?

There is only one small flaw in your carefully layd plan : by the time you reach romania, I'll have come, seen, and conquered !

(what ? We are not still playing world domination ? oups, my bad...)

[danceguy]

sounds like you have everything figured out now have you ?

There is only one small flaw in your carefully layd plan : by the time you reach romania, I'll have come, seen, and conquered !

(what ? We are not still playing world domination ? oups, my bad...)

Ces femmes Roumaine ne peuve etre interessees a toi, mon ami: leur interet les pousse vers les beaux et riches Americains comme moi ! Et je ne parle meme pas du fait que je dance mieux que toi a n'importe quel jour de la semaine! :D :tongue:

Peut-etre pourrions nous resoudre se desaccord par un combat de Savate ou un concours de boisson de vin...bien que je dois admetre qu'en temps que Francais tu gagnerais ce concours! :lol: ;) :cheers:

SG

[squirrel]

:) Romanian girls rule! They will conquer anybody who dares enter this territory! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

Ton Francais est tres bon, SG! Ou as-tu etudie? (pardon my lack of accents, but I'm too lazy to look for them!)

[Lita_rulez]

Les enfants, bravo pour votre français !

I have to say I am amazed by your french, both of you :D

(though in all modesty, I do believe Romanian girls are beautifull, but won't conquer me that easy... except for you squirrel of course ;) )

[squirrel]

Mon Francais n'est pas si bon! Mais je te remercie pour tes compliments!

[mambochino]

:) Romanian girls rule! They will conquer anybody who dares enter this territory! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

Ton Francais est tres bon, SG! Ou as-tu etudie? (pardon my lack of accents, but I'm too lazy to look for them!)

Oh really?!! We'll see about that when I get there. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

[francescony]

Hello everybody!
I am a new entry in this forum!
I took salsa classes for 3 months and I used to go to dance with a friend of mine. She was beginner too and we had much fun together with many mistake.
Since she moved to another city, I have not been to a club to dance. I also stopped to taking classes...
I am scared to go and ask girls I do not know to dance with me... I am in NYC and you can see couples doing amazing stuff :shock: ...

[TheLetterJ]

Hey welcome francescony. I joined this forum recently too, but I've been salsa dancing for about 5 months now. I still get intimidated sometimes when asking strangers to dance, and the occasionall rejection still bothers me. (Even though I've been told on a few occasions I'm a good dancer) But you know what, you have to just get out there and keep trying, most girls like to dance unless they have reason to think you're creepy or have intentions other than dancing, also a studio dance is a friendlier environment than a club. Think of asking a girl to dance as 'inviting' her to join you in the fun, rather than asking whether she'll accept you as a partner.

Hope this helps. I've been there, and I know it was scary, but it's extremely rewarding once you get past that stage. And here's something else I've noticed, when I was a beginner, everyone looked like amazing dancers, but after you get better, you'll start to notice who are the REALLY good dancers, and they are only few and far between in a sea of dancers.

[Vin]

Welcome francescony, The other week a member here(tj) gave me some excellent advice for feeling comfortable going out dancing, he said you should forget about trying to adjust your dancing radically to make an impression on your partners. Dance how you feel comfortable and the women that like your style will gravitate towards you.
Of course don't take this as a blank check to simply dance without taking your partner into account. Take this as an opportunity to feel comfortable with your dancing without trying to hard to impress your partner.
Yes you will get alot of no's at first but what happens is this, you get a few yes's, every time you meet more people who say yes, after a while you know a whole club full of people that you are confident will say yes when you ask them to dance.
Good luck,

[salsachinita]

... I am in NYC and you can see couples doing amazing stuff :shock: ...

Welcome to DF, francescony :D !

You are in good company. We have members on this forum who are based in NYC, and I'm sure would be happy to introduce you around the clubs 8) .

Once you get over the 'initiation stage', things will flow. You will be fine; please don't let intimidation stop you from fulfilling your love for salsa :wink: ..........

[youngsta]

Oh really?!! We'll see about that when I get there. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
OHHHHHH NO! You're not going there without me!

[MacMoto]

Francescony, welcome to DF, and also to the joys of salsa!

Since she moved to another city, I have not been to a club to dance. I also stopped to taking classes...
I am scared to go and ask girls I do not know to dance with me... I am in NYC and you can see couples doing amazing stuff :shock: ...
The only way to overcome this problem and to be a better dancer is to go out to clubs and ask girls to dance! And you know what? some of those girls who do amazing stuff with advanced leaders may actually welcome a change of pace now and again -- not all advanced followers want to spend the entire night getting spinned non-stop at 100mph...

Here are tips I posted in another thread (http://www.dance-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=84843):
My two tips that have served me well are:

* Don't take rejection personally. There are times guys say no for whatever reason, just like women do, and 90% of the time it's nothing to do with you personally (i.e., he just doesn't want to dance at that particular moment; it doesn't mean he doesn't want to dance with you).

* If you are a beginner/new to the scene and worried about spoiling the leaders' enjoyment, the best thing to do is to ask each leader only once in the night, and make sure that they know you only want just one dance. Don't keep going back to the same guy again and again and again just because he said yes the first time and seemed pleasant. If you ask just once then he asks you back later, you know the first dance couldn't have been too bad. :wink:

These tips also apply to men asking women to dance.
Hope this helps.

[borikensalsero]

I am in NYC and you can see couples doing amazing stuff :shock: ...

Welcome to Dance Forums Franceschony...

I'm in NY City as well, well in the outskirts of... I go out rather frequently during the week to Mambo only venues, if you ever feel like jumping in the sea, let me know and you are more than welcome to join me. :D :D

[salsarhythms]

Something interesting about rejection is that, most of
the time, the reason you are being rejected has NOTHING
to do with you at all.

Once you get that, it sort of takes away the bad feelings
we get because it's not longer personalized.

So by not personalizing it, this gives you the ability to
move forward with your goals and objectives.

Of course, if you are a comlete jerk then, yes, it has
to do with you...but

That's another story...