"Who was that you danced with?"

[waltzguy]

Have you ever been faced with a non-dancer friend's question, something like "Who was that you danced with?"? Or, "How many people do you dance with?!". I find it sometimes difficult to explain to people the whole concept of a dance partner. In many/most non-dancers' minds, the only person you should ever dance with, let alone touch hands, is your SO or spouse.

Anyone else have that issue? Or do you just explain it easily what a dance partner means.

[nucat78]

Very common among "civilians". They tend to think in terms of high school / college / bars where dancing is done to meet a romantic interest. I tell them that I and many others dance just to dance. IF we meet somebody, fine, but that is not the primary goal.

My NP said once that if she were to become romantically involved with another dancer, she'd expect him to dance most dances with her and maybe just a couple with other people. I see her point, I guess, but it also showed me I don't want to get involved with her.

[_malakawa_]

i need to explain that almost all the time. everybody thinks that if you have a dance partner that you are also romantically involved with him/her.

:mad: people know how to be very difficult sometimes.

[cornutt]

I tell them I'm promiscuous. I dance with every woman I see. Sometimes two at a time! :D

[_malakawa_]

I tell them I'm promiscuous. I dance with every woman I see. Sometimes two at a time! :D


a legend. it is hard to dance with two ladies. :notworth:

[elisedance]

Yes, indeed. Two girls maybe but definitely not two ladies!

[Peaches]

Yep, I've run into this many times, as well as the related notion that since my DH doesn't dance, there must be something wrong between him and me that I'm going out dancing and/or that there's something going on between me and guys I dance with.

My parents were really bad about this whole thing. What finally ended it was them watching me dance AT. We had invited an AT friend of mine to celebrate Thanksgiving with us (and then, later, two different AT friends to Easter dinner), and...well, AT friend, me...how could we NOT dance??? So we put music on and danced around the house in our socks while family looked on. Including DH, who made it very clear that he had no problem with it/enjoyed watching/enjoyed seeing me happy. When they saw that he had no issues with it, and they got to see just what was and was not going on in the dancing they became OK with it. And we were dancing close embrace, so if they were going to have an issue with things, they would have had ample reason. ...never mind that I'd been trying to explain things to them for a couple of years, and trying to get them to come to a social so they could see for themselves...no, I'm not bitter in the least... :rolleyes:

[etp777]

a legend. it is hard to dance with two ladies. :notworth:

I just uploaded several pics of me dancing with two ladies. :)

[Lioness]

Most people who learn who I dance with immediately think that my partner's just dancing to get close to me...they don't know how wrong they are.

Apart from that I get, 'So you get to wear cool dresses and lots of makeup? Like on DWTS?'

[waltzguy]

I just uploaded several pics of me dancing with two ladies. :)

double the pleasure :cool:

[_malakawa_]

Most people who learn who I dance with immediately think that my partner's just dancing to get close to me...they don't know how wrong they are.

Apart from that I get, 'So you get to wear cool dresses and lots of makeup? Like on DWTS?'

this is also n often question. but when i say a price of the dresses - it is always "I didn't know that is so expensive".

But what I hate the most is that some people are very rude when they say that dancing is not sport and it is not hard. But when I show them some moves, than they shut their mouth.

[danceronice]

You know, people are always shocked by how much my dance dresses cost--but I've worn my Smooth gown six times and my Rhythm (which is newer) at least three times so far. I have a $185 bridesmaid's dress in my closet that, let's face it, even though it's nice I'll probably never wear it again because it looks like a freakin' bridesmaid's dress! Ultimately, which dress costs more in terms of hours worn vs. price? Let's not even get into what your average wedding gown costs these days (in the unlikely event I get married I am refusing to spend more than $1000 on a gown because really, WHY? BTW, my divorced friend would like to know if anyone wants a wedding gown, slightly used. You think dance dresses are hard to resell....)

Regarding the whole dance-as-prelude-to-romance thing, I've never really gotten that seriously, just the usual "are your teachers straight" and "are they hot?" Possibly because I don't do much social dance and don't have an am partner.

"It's not a sport": Yeah, I've heard that about figure skating and horseback riding, too. (In the former, same as dance, it's too "pretty" to be a sport, in the latter case "Doesn't the horse do all the work?") I've learned to just let it go.

[nucat78]

Aren't there any bridal resale shops around your area? A friend of mine got a dress for about $300 from a place that sells used and clearance dresses - size changed, bride decided on a different dress, wedding called off, etc.

[flashdance]

I just uploaded several pics of me dancing with two ladies. :)

They looked photoshopped to me ;) :lol:

[etp777]

lol, that's what lady at work said. :P SO ignoring her subsequent email asking for help on something. :D

[Stagekat]

lol, that's what lady at work said. :P SO ignoring her subsequent email asking for help on something. :D

Got something similar from one of my guy friends about my pic with pros... asked me how much I paid them to stand there like that. I don't know about your co-worker..but I know my friend is jealous... :p

(Can I help it if my pros are just better looking in ALL ways than he is??... :D )

[_malakawa_]

You know, people are always shocked by how much my dance dresses cost--but I've worn my Smooth gown six times and my Rhythm (which is newer) at least three times so far. I have a $185 bridesmaid's dress in my closet that, let's face it, even though it's nice I'll probably never wear it again because it looks like a freakin' bridesmaid's dress! Ultimately, which dress costs more in terms of hours worn vs. price? Let's not even get into what your average wedding gown costs these days (in the unlikely event I get married I am refusing to spend more than $1000 on a gown because really, WHY? BTW, my divorced friend would like to know if anyone wants a wedding gown, slightly used. You think dance dresses are hard to resell....)

Regarding the whole dance-as-prelude-to-romance thing, I've never really gotten that seriously, just the usual "are your teachers straight" and "are they hot?" Possibly because I don't do much social dance and don't have an am partner.

"It's not a sport": Yeah, I've heard that about figure skating and horseback riding, too. (In the former, same as dance, it's too "pretty" to be a sport, in the latter case "Doesn't the horse do all the work?") I've learned to just let it go.

I'll never buy a wedding gown. you can just rent it. why spend $$$$ and wear it only once. doesn't make sense to me. :cool:

[Standarddancer]

I'll never buy a wedding gown. you can just rent it. why spend $$$$ and wear it only once. doesn't make sense to me. :cool:

exactly, better save $$$ on ballgowns:p

[Standarddancer]

a non-dance friend got married with a $3000 bridal gown (she says top designer but I don't see any difference)...after married, that gown sits in her closet and absolutely no use:( such a waste!!! now she regret that she should really use that money for downpayment of their apt:(

[_malakawa_]

a non-dance friend got married with a $3000 bridal gown (she says top designer but I don't see any difference)...after married, that gown sits in her closet and absolutely no use:( such a waste!!! now she regret that she should really use that money for downpayment of their apt:(

here's the point. ;)

[Lioness]

this is also n often question. but when i say a price of the dresses - it is always "I didn't know that is so expensive".


I just tell them I hardly wear any makeup, and they get a really shocked look on their face.

[njdancegirl]

a non-dance friend got married with a $3000 bridal gown (she says top designer but I don't see any difference)...after married, that gown sits in her closet and absolutely no use:( such a waste!!! now she regret that she should really use that money for downpayment of their apt:(

I got divorced earlier this year so decided to sell my wedding dress that sat in my closet for the last 8 years...sold my Vera Wang gown/veil on Ebay for $165!!! Mind you, I never had it preserved, but it still looked pretty darn good. Winner was thrilled!

I recently bought a latin dress that cost roughly the same amount as said wedding dress...I've already worn it longer in the one wearing, will wear it many more times and it has brought me better luck than the wedding dress did.

Moral of the story: rent a wedding gown, purchase a dance dress ;)

[waltzguy]

Moral of the story: rent a wedding gown, purchase a dance dress ;)

LOL ! :mrgreen:

[danceronice]

I don't know...for all I won't spend as much on a wedding gown, I can't see wearing something someone else wore for their wedding for my own. (Bear in mind, this is from a bronze-level pro-am dancer who has two custom-designed dresses.) I *have* considered that I could always have a dance-dress maker do something that could be stoned for practical use later. By the time I get married I'll probably have the nerve to wear white on the floor. Throw on some rhinestones and a few floats and I'd be good to go. Would make dancing at the reception easier, too....and then I'd have a new gown! Which I always want.

[tanya_the_dancer]

My wedding outfit cost somewhere in the ballpark of $300, and I reused it several times. In fact, I used it for my very first dance competition and for one showcase.

[and123]

I bought a used ballgown from a dancer that wore it as her wedding dress. It's absolutely gorgeous. Haven't had a chance to wear it myself yet. Maybe I will with Crazy New Partner. I think danceronice can attest that he is quite a piece of work.... :shock:

[danceronice]

I bought a used ballgown from a dancer that wore it as her wedding dress. It's absolutely gorgeous. Haven't had a chance to wear it myself yet. Maybe I will with Crazy New Partner. I think danceronice can attest that he is quite a piece of work.... :shock:

Honestly, you two. You just GOT him, you can't run him over with the car YET.

[Ron deChasse]

Umm...Huh? Who was in what dress you danced with?

[Standarddancer]

ha, we have several smart creative dancers here even used wedding gown as comp outfit & showcase costumes? :)

I was joking with that girl with $3000 wedding gown that she could rent my white ballgown (nicely stoned & in great condition) for receptionist if she wants just to help her save $$$, but she says "nope that's not really a wedding dress, not top designer, blah, blah ,blah...." well, you'll be surprised how much more disposable income ppl could have if they don't dance...lol...

2 years ago a dancer friend got married with nice simple white evening dress at reception, don't think that gown cost anywhere near $3000, but absolutely nice and elegant, no veil or long trail, very easy to dance at reception. IMO, that simple evening dress is even better than the $3000 gown.

[nucat78]

My daughter's mom is a seamstress on the side and she made my daughter a beautiful wedding gown for a couple hundred $. She also made all the bridesmaids' dresses for about $100 a piece. The girls loved that and the dresses are non-bridal enough so they can wear them to more formal dinners, etc.

Unfortunately, the rest of the wedding cost about $40,000. But they're both investment bankers so they had to keep up with their peer group, I guess.

[Standarddancer]

$40,000 wedding cost? oh christ!!! that's a lot of lessons and new ballgowns!!! and 40k could be downpayment of someone's house....oh lord investment bankers are so rich!!!

[njdancegirl]

I bought a used ballgown from a dancer that wore it as her wedding dress. It's absolutely gorgeous. Haven't had a chance to wear it myself yet. Maybe I will with Crazy New Partner. I think danceronice can attest that he is quite a piece of work.... :shock:

How funny, instead of PNP (potential new parter), he is CNP (crazy new partner)...that happened quick!

[etp777]

heh, that was my same thought NJD. Now rather curious as to what he coulda done to earn that name already. :)

[and123]

I don't know where to begin.... most definitely CNP though. After (mostly) surviving Standard, today we plan to attempt Smooth, Latin, and Rhythm. Comp next Saturday. Tell me THAT'S not crazy :shock:

BOT: speaking of crazy, I'd never drop $40k on a wedding, though I'm certain I've spent more than that on dancing so far. Haven't added it up, and not gonna!

[Standarddancer]

I don't know where to begin.... most definitely CNP though. After (mostly) surviving Standard, today we plan to attempt Smooth, Latin, and Rhythm. Comp next Saturday. Tell me THAT'S not crazy :shock:



oh I see, kinda of crazy, oh comp next Sat? sort of running short in time for so many styles? so you've got a highly motivated partner!!!:D

[Standarddancer]

BOT: speaking of crazy, I'd never drop $40k on a wedding, though I'm certain I've spent more than that on dancing so far. Haven't added it up, and not gonna!

I'm with you on this one. I"m sure I've been spending more than that on dancing...

[_malakawa_]

I'm with you on this one. I"m sure I've been spending more than that on dancing...

I am even scared to turn back and count how much money I spent. :cool: I think that a number will give me a heart attack.

[_malakawa_]

I don't know where to begin.... most definitely CNP though. After (mostly) surviving Standard, today we plan to attempt Smooth, Latin, and Rhythm. Comp next Saturday. Tell me THAT'S not crazy :shock:

BOT: speaking of crazy, I'd never drop $40k on a wedding, though I'm certain I've spent more than that on dancing so far. Haven't added it up, and not gonna!


good luck on a competition. My coach just said to me that it will be ok that me and my partner dance on Ohio ....

:uplaugh: i couldn't stop laughing. He is crazy.

[danceronice]

I am even scared to turn back and count how much money I spent. :cool: I think that a number will give me a heart attack.

Now that I can easily run my own reports I made the mistake of pulling my own financial report on how much I've spent (not including competitions, just lessons!) in the last two years.

I really didn't want to know.

[_malakawa_]

Now that I can easily run my own reports I made the mistake of pulling my own financial report on how much I've spent (not including competitions, just lessons!) in the last two years.

I really didn't want to know.

I still don't want to know. I think that I could buy myself I nice, big house in here.

[jwlinson]

Back on the topic of the non-dancing folk (aka "muggles") asking questions and such, one of the newer students had brought her friend to one of her lessons, where she happened to be working on Cuban motion. Naturally, our teachers sometimes have to use a "hands-on" approach to show how you should move, hands, legs, arms, body, hips, etc. and we're all OK with it. So he had his hands on her hips showing her how they should move, as she was moving. Her friend said "OMG, he's got his hands on her butt, look what he's doing to her!" and practically had a fit... Once we told her what was going on she calmed down somewhat.

To us it was completely normal, but to her it was "OMG!"

[nucat78]

Well, we do touch in ways that one wouldn't normally do with a stranger or casual acquaintance.

I accidentally slid my hand up a partner's shirt along her side to her bra strap the other day. Neither of us commented. She was wearing a loose, lightweight top that was untucked.

[fascination]

Back on the topic of the non-dancing folk (aka "muggles") asking questions and such, one of the newer students had brought her friend to one of her lessons, where she happened to be working on Cuban motion. Naturally, our teachers sometimes have to use a "hands-on" approach to show how you should move, hands, legs, arms, body, hips, etc. and we're all OK with it. So he had his hands on her hips showing her how they should move, as she was moving. Her friend said "OMG, he's got his hands on her butt, look what he's doing to her!" and practically had a fit... Once we told her what was going on she calmed down somewhat.

To us it was completely normal, but to her it was "OMG!"
yes, I remember when i was new and alain doucet came in to coach and had me put my hands on his hips...dreadful I tell you...positively dreadful;)

[etp777]

bringing back memories of coaching with Nadia. Certainly a more pleasant thought than stupid telecon I have coming up. :)

Darn if I just COULDN'T get that cuban motion and kept having to have her help. ;)

[Standarddancer]

Now that I can easily run my own reports I made the mistake of pulling my own financial report on how much I've spent (not including competitions, just lessons!) in the last two years.



how you run your financial report? you enter all lesson cost to some software like quickbooks? I only know quickbooks does automatic financial statements for small companies or people running business.

I also don't want to know how much I spent on dancing, I'll get an instant heart attack for sure! ;) my non-dancing friends think I'm insane!

[etp777]

Standarddancer, I used to run similar reports out of my quicken accounts (predates dancing, but did it for winemaking and other interests taht were costing me a lot). How eactly go about it depends on how you keep track of it. I used to use memo/category option to categorzie everything, so then was simple category report.

[Ampster]

Back on the topic of the non-dancing folk (aka "muggles") asking questions and such, one of the newer students had brought her friend to one of her lessons, where she happened to be working on Cuban motion. Naturally, our teachers sometimes have to use a "hands-on" approach to show how you should move, hands, legs, arms, body, hips, etc. and we're all OK with it. So he had his hands on her hips showing her how they should move, as she was moving. Her friend said "OMG, he's got his hands on her butt, look what he's doing to her!" and practically had a fit... Once we told her what was going on she calmed down somewhat.

To us it was completely normal, but to her it was "OMG!"

A friend brought one of her "non-dancing, civilian" friends to a Milonga (Tango Dance Party).

They were scandalized and in shock. They found out that that the majority of people dancing were strangers to each other. Married couples split and spouses were dancing with other people. Everyone was dancing "Milonguero" style (in close embrace). Which is pretty much full-on contact chest-to-chest in a close embrace from upper torso to cheek. Oh, and we dance in "Tandas" (Sets of 3, 4, or 5 songs). So your in full chest/head contact from about 12-15 minutes, and sweating all over each other.

When they asked "Who was that you were dancing with?" All the replies were, "Don't know. Just met him/her just now."

They had very uncomfortable, terrified, and strange looks on their faces.

We had to explain that in the Argentine Tango world, this is VERY normal. Its how we dance the Tango. Its how the Tango (AT) IS supposed to be danced. Its very respectful and there is no malice behind it.

They couldn't get her heads wrapped around that concept. :headwall:
We chuckled quietly :uplaugh:

[danceronice]

how you run your financial report? you enter all lesson cost to some software like quickbooks? I only know quickbooks does automatic financial statements for small companies or people running business.



Oh, in my case, I now work for the studio, so I can pull up THEIR full record of all the money I've spent. I really hadn't wanted to know that.

Regarding the hands-on-hips thing, I've often wondered what it must look like to someone walking in off the street. Even if you don't have a dirty mind ;) there are some things that just look a little odd.

[_malakawa_]

Back on the topic of the non-dancing folk (aka "muggles") asking questions and such, one of the newer students had brought her friend to one of her lessons, where she happened to be working on Cuban motion. Naturally, our teachers sometimes have to use a "hands-on" approach to show how you should move, hands, legs, arms, body, hips, etc. and we're all OK with it. So he had his hands on her hips showing her how they should move, as she was moving. Her friend said "OMG, he's got his hands on her butt, look what he's doing to her!" and practically had a fit... Once we told her what was going on she calmed down somewhat.

To us it was completely normal, but to her it was "OMG!"

I do that to my students also or place their hands on my hips. :)

Once when I had a lesson with my student, we danced tango and his hand was to high on my back. I said to him that he need to put his hand lower. He put it lower just for a millimeter. I said to him again - "Lower", again he put it for a millimeter, I said again _ "Adam, your hand need to be lower" He was so confused. But then he realized that we have a better connection.

[_malakawa_]

Oh, in my case, I now work for the studio, so I can pull up THEIR full record of all the money I've spent. I really hadn't wanted to know that.

Regarding the hands-on-hips thing, I've often wondered what it must look like to someone walking in off the street. Even if you don't have a dirty mind ;) there are some things that just look a little odd.


This reminds me when we went on a competition in August with our students. For them it was a first time. We watched a show of Plamen & Tina, and Tina grab Plamen's butt. My student were so shocked. But than we explained that that is normal in professional dancing. :p

[Standarddancer]

Oh, in my case, I now work for the studio, so I can pull up THEIR full record of all the money I've spent. I really hadn't wanted to know that.



oh well, then you could really see who's the diligent students in studio pays most for their dancing:D:D:D

I ask because I always have dancer friends (mostly dance teachers) who do not know how much they spend on lessons and dance related expenses for their tax deductions, and most of them get paid cash by students and they use cash to pay their teachers / coaches - cash in, cash out, no trial, really difficult to account when year end they need to file tax returns. Most of them don't know how to or no time for keep tracking expense on software like quicken or quickbooks:(

[Standarddancer]

Once when I had a lesson with my student, we danced tango and his hand was to high on my back. I said to him that he need to put his hand lower. He put it lower just for a millimeter. I said to him again - "Lower", again he put it for a millimeter, I said again _ "Adam, your hand need to be lower" He was so confused. But then he realized that we have a better connection.

He might be just too shy to touch you:D:D, just grab his hand and place where it suppose to be:)

[Standarddancer]

regarding hands on hips, I've been and saw others been asked by coaches to put hands on their hips for swing and usage of hips in standard; For latin it's absolutely necessary for explanation of cubin motions, as dancers we don't see/feel anything odd. Probably people from street never seen partner dancing before might think we are all weird;)

[_malakawa_]

He might be just too shy to touch you:D, just grab his hand and place where it suppose to be:)


I didn't want to do that on purpose. He need to use brain and lead me. ;) And he is definitely not shy. :D

[Standarddancer]

I see;)

[_malakawa_]

I see;)


And I have some students whom become red (or better say pink) when I say that they need to use their pelvic, hips, arms, expression of the face ..... :p

[Standarddancer]

:):):) some guys are more shy than others

[flashdance]

:):):) some guys are more shy than others

Ain't that the truth! When I did a few tango lessons I was dancing with a lady... I was a bit lost with it all as I'd never danced with someone as erm... stunning shall I say. Well, she was getting annoyed - I could tell... I wasn't leading properly.. then she said sternly and looked in my eye - "you're supposed to lead, lead me!" and with that I perked up and grabbed her tight and things just happened.

No, it didn't go that far, but it was brilliant having a woman demand me to lead her. hmm I miss doing Tango stuff writing this... can't we combine tap with tango? :D

There's something about a woman who is forceful yet nice...

[_malakawa_]

Ain't that the truth! When I did a few tango lessons I was dancing with a lady... I was a bit lost with it all as I'd never danced with someone as erm... stunning shall I say. Well, she was getting annoyed - I could tell... I wasn't leading properly.. then she said sternly and looked in my eye - "you're supposed to lead, lead me!" and with that I perked up and grabbed her tight and things just happened.

No, it didn't go that far, but it was brilliant having a woman demand me to lead her. hmm I miss doing Tango stuff writing this... can't we combine tap with tango? :D

There's something about a woman who is forceful yet nice...

cute. :p

[RickRS]

I just uploaded several pics of me dancing with two ladies. :)

That you in the youtube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7A9PhOsAog)?;)

[vmec]

I couldn't read all 6 pages but... it's common for people who don't do partner dancing to not understand this. I'm a dancing ****- anyone who asks, gets a chance. (I only do social dancing)

The folks who don't dance and visit places like night clubs see a couple dancing together and it's often a lot of body contact in particular action, and that it probably why when dancers say they have ____ partners they're like "holy crap- you hoe". At least that's the reactions I got a few times... Then you sit them down and explain... that's how it works in the "dance world!"

[tardyhoofer]

same situation here... my family doesn't understand how I can have a dance partner that I am not in a relationship with. It drives them even more batty to know that she is married.

One day when the whole world discovers the love of dance not only will all our problems be solved, people will understand partnering :)

[flashdance]

That you in the youtube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7A9PhOsAog)?;)

i felt dizzy watching that.

[_malakawa_]

same situation here... my family doesn't understand how I can have a dance partner that I am not in a relationship with. It drives them even more batty to know that she is married.

One day when the whole world discovers the love of dance not only will all our problems be solved, people will understand partnering :)

What will your parents then said if, like in my case you dance with your partner for 12 years and you weren't in a relationship, ever?? ;)

[etp777]

That you in the youtube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7A9PhOsAog)?;)


I wish Rick, anything besides a basic is beyond me. Only reason pro thinks I remember left side pass she taught me the one time we worked WCS is because her back is turned during part I can't remember, so she can't see me just standing there faking it. :D

[Joe]

That you in the youtube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7A9PhOsAog)?;)

Most impressive.