"Flattery gets you everywhere"

[Pacion]

Flattery vs flirting vs paying a compliment

Is one "strategy" ever better than the other or is it best to use a combination :wink:

[pygmalion]

Should I be difficult, and just say,"it depends?"

It depends. Many people love flattery. But it often backfires with people who are very lacking in self confidence, because they often discount any positive feedback they get.

So I generally play it safe. I give negative feedback only when I have to, and in sandwich form (i.e. start with a positive, hide the negative in the middle, and end with a positive.)

When I give positive feedback, I make it very specific, so the person can't discount it. (e.g. "I loved your hand styling during the passing twinkles," rather than "I love your dancing.")

And to those with overinflated egos, I rarely give feedback at all. They don't need my help to feel good about themselves. LOL. :twisted: :roll: :lol:

[Pacion]

:lol: Pygmalion

[Genesius Redux]

Dance flattery and flirting or flattery and flirting in general?

Everybody likes to feel loved and feel like they're important. But I don't think you can really flirt with someone unless you genuiinely like something about them. If people are flirted with, they want to feel like it's because someone's listening to them. And there's no way to fake that. The only real technique in flirting, I think, is to actually pay attention to someone. :D

[Pacion]

Dance flattery and flirting or flattery and flirting in general?

:tongue: in general, otherwise this would be in a different forum :wink: :wink:

The only real technique in flirting, I think, is to actually pay attention to someone. :D

As in, to look at them and listen to them as if he is the only person in the world, like Julio Inglesis sr sings his songs so that each female fan thinks that he is singing the song only for and to her? :wink:

[Genesius Redux]

As in, to look at them and listen to them as if he is the only person in the world, like Julio Inglesis sr sings his songs so that each female fan thinks that he is singing the song only for and to her? :wink:

Oh, you mean in performing!

Yes, I definitely make that kind of eye contact when I'm singing. Not that I have a voice like Julio Inglesias, but within my idiom I'm not too bad.

No I meant actually paying attention. Like-- :wink: "Hey Pacion, love the French tip nails. Sexy!" :D Or--"That green looks fab on you. It brings out your eyes." Or--"Matching lip gloss and nail polish tonight. Very posche."

Or maybe just remembering that even though you're from Trinidad, you really don't care for cricket. And you don't seem to be a big fan of Guinness either.

Paying attention, and letting someone know that you notice and like them for who they are, and that who they are makes a difference to you.

You know? :wink:

[Sagitta]

You consider that flattery / flirting. :o That's just plain good old fashioned manners!! Noticing people and letting them know that you appreciate them for what they are.

[Genesius Redux]

You consider that flattery / flirting. :o That's just plain good old fashioned manners!! Noticing people and letting them know that you appreciate them for what they are.

That's what makes the flirting good--that at bottom it's all about good manners. A real flirtation should be like an oasis in a desert of isolation. The sham is easily detected. :wink:

[Pacion]

Oh, you mean in performing!

:nope: No, in general, day to day life. Like, you are at a restaurant and the portions are really, really small yet, you compliment/flirt/flatter the waitress so that she will give you bigger portions.

Or, which was the inspiration for this thread :lol: I was watching a television show (one of a series I didn't get the name of) about a japanese guy who is now living in LA and is a detective. He is about 40 years old? He is trying to get his driving licence and on two occassions when he was on his driving test, he "heard" a crime eg. the back of a money truck being blown open, so he would "divert" and of course fail his driving test. He went to the place where he had to rebook his test and the lady was telling him that he would have to start from scratch, ie retake all the other parts of the test. He started to flirt/flatter the lady telling her what a beautiful smile/eyes she has, basically "sweet talking her" and she finally gave her a date just to do his driving tests. He didn't have to start from scratch. :lol:

No I meant actually paying attention. Like-- :wink: "Hey Pacion, love the French tip nails. Sexy!" :D Or--"That green looks fab on you. It brings out your eyes." Or--"Matching lip gloss and nail polish tonight. Very posche."

Or maybe just remembering that even though you're from Trinidad, you really don't care for cricket. And you don't seem to be a big fan of Guinness either.

:shock: :lol:

Paying attention, and letting someone know that you notice and like them for who they are, and that who they are makes a difference to you.

You know? :wink:

I know. :wink: What if the "flatterer/complimenter/flirter" has short term memory? :lol:

Oh yes, ditto what Sagitta said :D

[pygmalion]

Oh, you mean in performing!

:nope: No, in general, day to day life. Like, you are at a restaurant and the portions are really, really small yet, you compliment/flirt/flatter the waitress so that she will give you bigger portions.


Not a problem in the US. We're all fatties. LOL. (Just kidding) But here, the problem at restaurants is HUGE portions. I mean HUGE. That's why some obscene percentage of Americans are obese. I'll have to look up the statistic.

But, you're right about the flirting in restaurants. My SO and his office mate always eat lunch at a few restaurants, flirt shamelessly with the waitresses, and never pay full price for a meal. NEVER. Men! :twisted: :lol:

[Pacion]

:lol: Pygmalion

[Genesius Redux]

Oh, you mean in performing!

:nope: No, in general, day to day life. Like, you are at a restaurant and the portions are really, really small yet, you compliment/flirt/flatter the waitress so that she will give you bigger portions.

Or, which was the inspiration for this thread :lol: I was watching a television show (one of a series I didn't get the name of) about a japanese guy who is now living in LA and is a detective. He is about 40 years old? He is trying to get his driving licence and on two occassions when he was on his driving test, he "heard" a crime eg. the back of a money truck being blown open, so he would "divert" and of course fail his driving test. He went to the place where he had to rebook his test and the lady was telling him that he would have to start from scratch, ie retake all the other parts of the test. He started to flirt/flatter the lady telling her what a beautiful smile/eyes she has, basically "sweet talking her" and she finally gave her a date just to do his driving tests. He didn't have to start from scratch. :lol:


Oh, that's so smarmy! No I never do that! But I do like saying and doing nice things for people when I have nothing material to gain from it, like if I know I'm never going to see them again. Last week I went to pick up a pizza from Domino's and the girl working there was being chewed out by an irate customer and having to deal with a whole of problems on the phone and with other employees. So I put in my order and while I was waiting, I just buzzed around the corner and got her some chocolates that I gave to her when I picked up the pie, and told her I hoped she'd have a better day soon.

Jenn's right--you don't want bigger portions in America. They give you enough for three meals as it is!

[MapleLeaf Salsero]

Flattery vs flirting vs paying a compliment

Is one "strategy" ever better than the other or is it best to use a combination :wink:

Prefer flirting! I only flirt with people I feel chemistry with. 8)

[cocodrilo]

Genesius, that's so sweet what you did with the girl at the pizza place! People need to feel reassured that they're doing a good job even when other people are out to make their day miserable(as they themselves are in the midst of something miserable!)...
Flattery? I hope I am complimented rather than flattered(but, yes, depending how cute the guy is I will eat up the flattery!!! :D ).
I take every opportunity to be honest and let people know when they are doing something great! This is definitely important for a person's self-esteem! And all that goodness that goes around comes around!!!!

[etchuck]

Hmm... I'm not sure about this thread but ...

I usually try to pay a compliment whenever I can and whenever it is warranted. I don't like to go overboard (flattery) because then I feel it undervalues my compliments. Just because I don't say "you really look nice in that dress" doesn't mean that I don't think it. It's just that if I say it every time you wear a dress of some sort, it loses its significance (in my opinion).

As for flirting... I guess it depends on whether you're just being playful or you seriously want the other's goods.

[Sagitta]

I couldn't agree more. One can cheapen compliments by overusing them.

[Vince A]

I'm Italian . . . I FLIRT!

My wife knows I am a big flirt. I don't constantly do it like a 'dirty-old-man.'

I don't do it to get someone in bed . . . I don't cheat!

Flirting is just a part of my sexuality! I may "bark," but I don't "bite" . . . unless . . . you ask :wink:

I compliment if it is warranted - as others have said . . .!!!

Flattery is nice . . . if you know how to do it!

[peachexploration]

Flattery vs flirting vs paying a compliment

Is one "strategy" ever better than the other or is it best to use a combination :wink:

I think it all works as long as it's not patronizing. :)

[tsb]

I think it all works as long as it's not patronizing. :)

i dunno. to me in this kind of scenario there's an unspoken implication that their time/needs (and they) are somehow more valuable than the next person('s). if someone attempted to stroke me for the sole purpose of getting something out of me that they didn't think they could get from me otherwise (which is kinda unlikely since i think most people would describe me as being a reasonably compassionate & generous person) or getting out of some sort of penalty their actions merit, they'd be making a serious mistake in judgement and hurting their chances overall.

i've heard some funny stories from a friend who's a traffic cop, how in some cases, a lady's skirt will have mysteriously ridden up by the time he reaches the car, etc. his response is the same: "you saw me stare at you for five seconds and you didn't slow down before i pulled you over."

IMO in the long run NOT trying to work people ends up having people, who get worked on every day and who've observed you over time not acting like you deserve special treatment, being more inclined to cut you slack when you really need it.

[Swing Kitten]

Jenn's right--you don't want bigger portions in America. They give you enough for three meals as it is!

that's when you say: "Can I have this wrapped to go?" then you don't have to cook the next day :D

btw... it's not always true... take McDonalds just for instance ;) even though they are evil :P

[Swing Kitten]

as far as the topic goes ... flattery is excessive or insincere praise... not a good thing in my book-- ever ... except maybe in jest... then it's not exactly flattery anymore.

Flirting is fun ... although I in the past I've let this make me feel special which lead me to feeling pretty stupid after realizing that a flirt is a flirt and they flirt with just about everybody and that I shouldn't take it to heart.

[tj]

But, you're right about the flirting in restaurants. My SO and his office mate always eat lunch at a few restaurants, flirt shamelessly with the waitresses, and never pay full price for a meal. NEVER. Men! :twisted: :lol:

:shock: :shock:

Wow - never heard of *that* working before! (I need to learn this technique!)



About the subject...

I keep flattery to a minimum. A lot of the ladies that I dance with tend to have rather healthy egos already, so I'd rather not do anything to encourage them further.

Flirting - yes, quite often. But how and the particular subject is different with everyone.

With most, I'll just be goofy and fun - e.g. this one gal somehow ended up with her hand on top of my head at the end of her styling move, so now it's our "thing". I'll intentionally put her hand on my head and spin. While with some others, I'll flirt in a more seductive way. It all depends on the individual and our interactions/chemistry.

[Pacion]

I keep flattery to a minimum.

:roll: Is that what you are calling it? That what which you wrote in PMs to me? :wink: :lol:

[tj]

I keep flattery to a minimum.

:roll: Is that what you are calling it? That what which you wrote in PMs to me? :wink: :lol:

Lol! (where's that "sent box"....)

I'm talking about on the dancefloor only...

[tsb]

But, you're right about the flirting in restaurants. My SO and his office mate always eat lunch at a few restaurants, flirt shamelessly with the waitresses, and never pay full price for a meal. NEVER. Men! :twisted: :lol:

:shock: :shock:

Wow - never heard of *that* working before! (I need to learn this technique!)


i have a friend who does that for me at a very expensive sushi place in beverly hills - but it's still expensive! i know that some waitresses, when they are working a large table, may leave a few things off - but if everyone calculates what they owe & put it in, that just means she gets a bigger tip.

[Pacion]

Any updated views on this? ;)

[fascination]

'spose its all a matter of definition...flattery implies a bit of disingenuineness to me so it is unlikely to work on me...flirting, well in person you know whether that works or not (depends on how interesting the guy is on a variety of fronts and on what he thinks he's going to get out of it)...a compliment, particularly a very specific genuine one, always wins, IMO

[Terpsichorean Clod]

Or, which was the inspiration for this thread :lol: I was watching a television show (one of a series I didn't get the name of) about a japanese guy who is now living in LA and is a detective. He is about 40 years old? He is trying to get his driving licence and on two occassions when he was on his driving test, he "heard" a crime eg. the back of a money truck being blown open, so he would "divert" and of course fail his driving test. He went to the place where he had to rebook his test and the lady was telling him that he would have to start from scratch, ie retake all the other parts of the test. He started to flirt/flatter the lady telling her what a beautiful smile/eyes she has, basically "sweet talking her" and she finally gave her a date just to do his driving tests. He didn't have to start from scratch. :lol:

That sounds like one of the episodes of Martial Law, starring Sammo Hung.