Breaking up sucks!!!!

[SalsaGeek]

The only thing that keeps me going is dancing. I can't wait until this weekend. Just wanted to vent since I don't have much to do besides reading dance forums. :? How do you guys/gals deal with it?

[meagalita]

ooh, i know it does. sorry to hear you're going through it. it's painful and there's no way around that; either you bury the pain with various distractions or you breathe deeply and feel it, and love and accept yourself for who you are, knowing that everything happens for a beautiful and kind reason and you don't need to know why things happen as they do, but you can look at the patterns that played out, and see if there were any that you've done before that didn't work for you. i think one way of letting go of any resentment or anger for the other person is to imagine that you only have 2 weeks to live, or they do, then all the negative emotion fades away and you can appreciate their essence. also, this is a time for you to gather your strength and figure out what really makes you happy in your life. and remember you're not alone, that everyone has gone through these feelings as well. i'm sending you a prayer right now that you can use this time to grow more into who you were born to be. hugs, meagalita

[SalsaGeek]

Thank you for your prayer. It's been hard and I've lost my appetite. I get this funny feeling in my stomach kinda like butterflies when you are nervous. it just turns me inside out. :(
On the bright side is that I can spend more time and money on dancing. Maybe I will find me a new partner/girlfriend with my new skills. 8)

[Sagitta]

It is tough SalsaGeek! It's good that you have the distraction of salsa dancing to keep your mind away somewhat. There really isn't much that one can say to make it better. It happened, but it is in the past, and the present moment, the next, and the next....are all meant to be fully lived. I'm here now but tonight I walk out and get struck by a drunken driver!! Who knows?

[SDsalsaguy]

Wow megalita, where've you been hiding the past month and a half or so? I've *so* needed to hear something like that... :(

[Flat Shoes]

My tip: Get your mind on something else. Don't sit at home being depressed, just browsing the net doing nothing but waiting for you next dance-fix that will only get you high for a few hours before you're back into your own emptiness agaian.

Instead, use your spare time to start doing something new. Something you've wanted to before, but never got around to. Be active, and you may also meet some new people in your life. And with new people always come new potensial partners. :wink:

[Flat Shoes]

What was is now over. You probably have some nice times and good memories to look back on. You have some experiences, good and bad, that has thought you something about yourself. So, when entering your next relationship, you know more about yourself and stand better prepared for any challenges that will come with it.

It's called life, and we all go through it. :)

[cocodrilo]

Busy yourself with hobbies! Do that housework you've been neglecting! I remember, oh so many years ago when I was single, a couple of long-term relationships left me in a wretched state. What did I do? Go out and buy new towels and bedsheets- stuff for the house. It made me feel like I was getting a fresh start(& I wasn't spending a lot of money because Macy's was having a White Sale! :lol: ). You'll most DEFINITELY meet nice, new people through dancing! Good luck!!!

[Swing Kitten]

I'll restrain my initial bitter-thinly-vieled-in-humor response and say instead that you're not alone. Today I had my first full meal in a number of days... and it finally didn't feel like it was going to come back up.

It's not easy... learn... then proceed with your life of happiness

easier said than done I know

[pygmalion]

Hmm. This is all good advice. For me, each time has been different. I guess the one thing I've learned is to respect the fact that you're going through a grieving process. And everybody's grief looks and feels different. Do whatever you have to, to get through it. That might be staying at home feeling sorry for yourself, or it may mean breaking things to channel anger, or it may mean crying, or calling your friends in the middle of the night and talking endlessly, or it may mean hooking up with a rebound girlfriend. Do whatever you need to let yourself experience the negative emotions, so that you can let them go.

(If you pick a rebound girlfriend, be honest with her. 8) )

You'll be okay. Probably not as soon as you want, but you'll be okay.

[cocodrilo]

...but it's more fun(and positive thinking) to buy stuff than break stuff, isn't it? :wink:

[JAM'N]

:( I sowwy you are feeling that way but don't worry....your a dancer and that's something you can smile about no matter what. Dancing is something everyone can do but it isnt something everyone can do well. We are a few among the few of artist that are special and have a very unique talent, it's not normal for a humans body to bend and twist and stretch in different ways and it's weird to think that because us dancers think it is normal....so when your down about the "normal" ups and downs that the world gives us, just think...HEY I know how to touch my toes or I know how to do grande plea correctly or I know how to kick my leg higher then my head...were abnormal to the world...but unique to ourselves so if a girl passes that up...she wont ever find another person like you again. :D

[salsachinita]

DF is a great place to start your healing process. Many of us have been through what you are going through, more than you think, I bet.

That's the reason why those relationship/dating related threads are popular......we all need a place to vent.

Take care. These things have a way of blowing themselves over. Human spirits are stronger than we sometimes feel.

[pygmalion]

Yes, salsachinita. I was going to suggest other healing alternatives:

1. Torch her apartment :shock:
2. Find gorgeous and buxom beauty to take as a date to someplace the ex is sure to be :twisted:


And, best (and most legal) or all: 3. Say really mean things about her on the internet. DF is the perfect place for alternative #3. :wink: :roll:

[salsachinita]

DF is the perfect place for alternative #3. :wink: :roll:

:P :wink:

[Pacion]

3. Say really mean things about her on the internet. DF is the perfect place for alternative #3. :wink: :roll:

Nah! I prefer the "kill them with sweetness" approach, because, they will be really, really nervous wondering what you are REALLY thinking or plotting (which is nothing!) :twisted:

[pygmalion]

Sorry, sista. I always plot an evil revenge. It's much more fun for me that way! :evil: :lol: I usually don't execute the plan, but oh, do I plan. :wink:

[Pacion]

:lol: kindness is my "revenge" because, if they get me really upset, I am afraid it might actually carry it out :shock: :twisted: :lol:

[SalsaGeek]

I didn't expect that many replies. Thank you so much for those who replied. Yeah I know I shouldn't be sitting at home doing nothing but it was a Tuesday night. I shoulda been doing homework and catching up on my Organic Chemistry class. I skipped a few days and finally went to class today. I was so lost in class because the professor was talking about Robinson Annulation Aldol Condensation with Enolate ions. :shock: For those of you who took OChem you would know what I am talking about. :wink:

[pygmalion]

Hang in, dude. With the personal situation, and with the Organic Chemistry. Both will pass. :)

[SalsaGeek]

Good suggestions but I still care about her too much and I respect her and her family so I couldn't do any harm like that. On the other hand, a big buxom lady as a date sounds WONDERFUL. (only if she knows how to dance) :)

Yes, salsachinita. I was going to suggest other healing alternatives:

1. Torch her apartment :shock:
2. Find gorgeous and buxom beauty to take as a date to someplace the ex is sure to be :twisted:


And, best (and most legal) or all: 3. Say really mean things about her on the internet. DF is the perfect place for alternative #3. :wink: :roll:

[Sagitta]

I was so lost in class because the professor was talking about Robinson Annulation Aldol Condensation with Enolate ions. :shock: For those of you who took OChem you would know what I am talking about. :wink:

I do. Don't think of it as a new reaction. Think of it as a variation, of patterns/reactions that you already have learnt. Doing that sort of analysis, helped me pass through OChem.

[SalsaGeek]

Yeah I know but it seemed overwhelming at first because it took up 2 pages to write out the reaction. Maybe I just write too BIG. :lol:

[Sagitta]

Worth it to write it out in detail first. Helped with my retention. Then as you get comfortable with it you can consolidate steps.

[Genesius Redux]

Well, SalsaGeek--divorced more than two years ago, and nothing on the horizon yet. So I don't have any advice. Hope you feel better soon, though.

[salsachinita]

I am starting to believe that being heart-broken (in some ways, at least) is a prerequisite of being here at DF :roll: ........

I am certainly the last person to offer advise, as my big break-up was just over two years ago, and I am recovering from a recent encounter as well.

On top of that, I've just turned down a really nice offer from a really nice guy (my dance partner from 14 years ago).

I've made enough mistakes in the past to know that we can (and do) fall for the person who is wrong for us. Yet we are prepared to love them, no matter what.

However, when the person who is right (in many ways anyway) for us came along, and we somehow just know that we are not at the least that way incline, we are probably not going to change our feelings about him/her.

I've been in both situations......where does it leave me...?

Right back on the salsa floor :P !!!!!

[Genesius Redux]

I've made enough mistakes in the past to know that we can (and do) fall for the person who is wrong for us. Yet we are prepared to love them, no matter what.

However, when the person who is right (in many ways anyway) for us came along, and we somehow just know that we are not at the least that way incline, we are probably not going to change our feelings about him/her.

Interesting. On the other side, there are those of us who are just pretty darn sick and tired of getting led on and taken advantage of. And you get to the point where you're even too tired and cynical to ask for emotional support and understanding. Where does that leave you?

[salsachinita]

Where does that leave you?

Right here in DF, where else :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol: :wink: ?!

I have all the understanding & emotional support I need from my fellow DFers :friend: ........ :lol: !

*Seriously, I seek intellectual (emotinal intelligance included) equals with the same depth/complexity as myself. It's very annoying when people won't see past the physical attraction to realised that I have a brain too :roll: *

**Ironic, isn't it....? As little girls we all want to be the 'pretty one', instead of the 'smart one'. Being a late-bloomer I've been the 'smart one' for the first half of my life, now the grass really doesn't seem any greener :roll: **

[cocodrilo]

Such is life... :(
As I always say, you have to turn over a lot of rocks before you find your perfect salamander!!! :lol:

[salsachinita]

....or you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince....!

[cocodrilo]

Kiss ALL the frogs- one of them MAY be your prince! :D

[pygmalion]

I am starting to believe that being heart-broken (in some ways, at least) is a prerequisite of being here at DF :roll: ........



Frogs and princes aside, I'm not sure that I agree. Getting hurt, I think, is an inevitable part of life, unless you stay hidden in your impregnable tower ( and even that hurts, in a way :? ) Being heartbroken, I've found, is a choice. It's a choice I've made in the past, but I make no longer.

I have no control over anything except my thoughts, feelings, and actions. All else is up to the universe. But, as long as I have control of me, I am happy and at peace. (No appropriate emoticon available. :wink: :) )

[tsb]

hey, just saw the topic. i'm sorry. i'm sure it hurts a lot right now, but grief is a normal & healthy process and you will feel better eventually. unfortunately, i have no magic words to offer to speed up the process - and i doubt that any really exist.

things are going to suck for a while. i've found that diversions can help by providing a respite, but if you want to use one like novocaine or something, i offer bill cosby's observation - novocaine doesn't make the pain go away - it just postpones it...

barry

[SalsaGeek]

Salsachinita, there are guys who like smart girls. I prefer brains over beauty any day 'cause I am a bookworm myself. My other hang out besides the dance floor is the library. Damn proud of it too. 8)

Where does that leave you?

Right here in DF, where else :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol: :wink: ?!

I have all the understanding & emotional support I need from my fellow DFers :friend: ........ :lol: !

*Seriously, I seek intellectual (emotinal intelligance included) equals with the same depth/complexity as myself. It's very annoying when people won't see past the physical attraction to realised that I have a brain too :roll: *

**Ironic, isn't it....? As little girls we all want to be the 'pretty one', instead of the 'smart one'. Being a late-bloomer I've been the 'smart one' for the first half of my life, now the grass really doesn't seem any greener :roll: **

[johnnywalker]

Am I too late to throw in my 20 cents worth? (or whatever currency you use)

Many years ago an eight year relationship I was in had ended and that left me absolutely devastated (and that's putting it lightly). I spent the first year in a daze, not motivated and almost disillusioned with relationships. We had bought a house, car and had everything headed in what I thought would be a bright future.
This is where real friends come in. I was eventually talked into going out. I did so and started feeling a little better. I then decided to pursue some things I had wanted to do but had only procrastinated over. This led to dancing and, after a few years, meeting the wonderful woman who is now my wife. This was not something I had intended when I started dancing but it happened anyway.
In retrospect, I now (more than ever) believe there is a purpose to everything. Also, everything I experienced during this period in my life has shaped me in ways I would not have thought. I think everyone is different in how it affects them, how they react in similar situations but the thing I believe in is that there is always a reason, that this allows us to grow and that there is always something just ahead to replace what we have lost.

Be positive and patient and good things will happen; and as others have said, don't be idle...get out there. :D :D

Best of luck Salsageek.

[squirrel]

Are you feeling any better, Salsageek? Sincerely hope so...

Now, what happened to me is more or less fresh... it happened about one year and 5 months ago (want a precise date? i can give it to you...).
Two summers ago I hooked up with my dance partner... fell for him head over heels... the relationship lasted for 4 months (and then another month every now and then, when we couldn't handle being apart anymore...) and then everything fell apart... my nervous breakdown caused a complete separation... I stopped dancing entirely. Would barely go out, just to the office and back home, cried like mad and drank too damn much! I didn't know what else to do... I was completely lost... It lasted 2 months... I had turned into a complete wreck... I was barely speaking to people (I found it hard just to open my mouth) and didn't even smile a little (usually I smile and laugh a lot).
And then, one day, it just passed away (the nervous breakdown, not the pain). The pain was still there, always present, but I got used to it... and it slowly passed... I could listen to Salsa music once more...I could go dancing once more... it just all started again...
You'll feel better, I'm sure... give it time and give yourself time... just be patient... :)
and DO NOT DRINK! It's stupid... it makes you feel even worse (not to mention the following morning hangover...)
Good Luck...
Keep us posted about how you feel!

[pygmalion]

Thanks for sharing your experience and being so genuine, squirrel. Hugs. I've been there, too. :( But you're right. It does pass. And it's easier in the long run if you can avoide doing self destructive things (like drinking) while you're grieving.

[squirrel]

actually, things were a lot worse than I described them... but it doesn't matter... and now I might be heading for the same :)
It seems I can never learn my lesson... but who does?
And thanks for the compassion, pygmalion... yet, I believe we are all grown-ups and responsible and whatever happens to us is most of the time of our own accord... for instance, when some guy like the salsahog (I think some of you know who I'm talking about, for those who don't check out the thread related to the best dance to learn to pick up women) or somebody worse ('The Players' Edie the Salsafreak was talking about) gets to be with a woman, they see the weak part of her... and they are not the only ones to blame... she's also responsible for her choices!

[Kitty]

Yeah I know but it seemed overwhelming at first because it took up 2 pages to write out the reaction. Maybe I just write too BIG. :lol:

mmmm... me too. andmy writing got bigger when I took to biochem:-)