Mental exercises to help myself ignore people that really irritate me in the studio?

[WaltzElf]

Simple question - does anyone have a good way to "distract" myself to ignore people in the studio that really irk me?

There's a guy that comes in and, yes he might have a lesson or do a half hour practice or so, but for the rest of the numerous hours he spends at the studio he'll just sit and watch certain people (including my partner) dancing.

I don't know why he does, and I don't really care to know why he does - it's irrelevant since, even if he was genuinely interested in these women he wouldn't have a chance. I suspect the reasons are less than honourable - the number of times he looses a prospective partner within a month of dancing with her cannot be coincidence - but I've never spoken to him to get a measure of him myself.

However I do not like that kind of attention when we're practicing. From time to time people watch us while they're practicing and it's fine, but actual concentrated study irritates me greatly, and so my practice isn't nearly as productive as it should be.

My partner is OK with it - she generally dresses to be noticed anyway - so it's not something that I should need to make an issue with him, her, or the teachers at the studio. I just need some mental exercises to help me ignore him.

Suggestions?

[Bella]

Hey you. :)

He may just be admiring how wonderful you two are! Don't sweat it, no need for mental exercises. Take it as a compliment and run with it. As far as HIS partner issues... it none of your concern. Say hello, introduce yourself, get a feel for him first before you judge.

[emeralddancer]

Simple question - does anyone have a good way to "distract" myself to ignore people in the studio that really irk me?

There's a guy that comes in and, yes he might have a lesson or do a half hour practice or so, but for the rest of the numerous hours he spends at the studio he'll just sit and watch certain people (including my partner) dancing.

I don't know why he does, and I don't really care to know why he does - it's irrelevant since, even if he was genuinely interested in these women he wouldn't have a chance. I suspect the reasons are less than honourable - the number of times he looses a prospective partner within a month of dancing with her cannot be coincidence - but I've never spoken to him to get a measure of him myself.

However I do not like that kind of attention when we're practicing. From time to time people watch us while they're practicing and it's fine, but actual concentrated study irritates me greatly, and so my practice isn't nearly as productive as it should be.

My partner is OK with it - she generally dresses to be noticed anyway - so it's not something that I should need to make an issue with him, her, or the teachers at the studio. I just need some mental exercises to help me ignore him.

Suggestions?


pretend he is naked and wearing clown makeup doing richard simmons exercises? LOL :wink::car:

[Bella]

pretend he is naked

Yeah, if you're into that LOL!

[WaltzElf]

pretend he is naked and wearing clown makeup doing richard simmons exercises? LOL :wink::car:


I already find him funny enough :p


I guess "irritated" was the wrong word. I find his attention distracting, because it's not passive, like when anyone else in the studio watches us between their own exercises/ practice. It's active, so I notice that he is watching.

[etp777]

Have you tried saying something to him? Not in front of your partner, as you said she didn't have a problem with it, but maybe as an aside?

I konw I enjoy watching dancers of all levels just because I feel I always learn something. But if someone told me it was bothering them, I'd certainly quit watching them.

[wooh]

Pretend he's a judge.

[WaltzElf]

Have you tried saying something to him? Not in front of your partner, as you said she didn't have a problem with it, but maybe as an aside?

Nah, he's not watching me anyway. I'd rather not build a misconception at the studio that I'm jealous or whatever.

I konw I enjoy watching dancers of all levels just because I feel I always learn something. But if someone told me it was bothering them, I'd certainly quit watching them.

If he was watching us (as opposed to just her), then I'd agree :p

[etp777]

ah, I have on occasion done that too (not your partner obviously), but I try to be discrete. :)

[samina]

Focus on your own business and your dancing. You won't even know notice them...

Consider them a gift to help you achieve more whole-hearted dedication to what you really want. :)

[flashdance]

smile and blow him a big sloppy kiss. Bet you he'll look away then ;) :D I've not tried it myself mind you... I'm the only guy there at ours so I can't tell myself off!

[elisedance]

I don't think you are going to be able to just ignore him - indeed I'm sure you have already tried that. The first thing to do is to try to identify your own reasons for being irked. I know you are very fond of your partner - you don't have to be jealous of another man to resent his attentions, its quite natural to not want him to ogle (if that is what you think he is doing - and its the impression I get from reading your posts). Once you realize what your own emotions are you are in a better position to do something about it. The reason I raise this is that its very important that you do not over-react.

As suggested above I think you need to make contact with this guy. Just an inane conversation about, say the studio or his lesson or something. It may be enough for him to just realize that you are aware of him, that you have noticed his attentions - many guys will back off once that contact has been made. There are numerous ways to proceed after that - I think it will become obvious - depending on how that initial contact goes.

Its clear though that you have to do something since its obviously affecting your enjoyment of your lessons and maybe even more.

[Larinda McRaven]

At the end of the day I sometimes think back to what my daily moments were that illustrated my greatest joy and my worst anger. Because these are both roadsigns to my biggest weaknesses.

But as for mental excercises... I take the person or event that irritates me and hold the thought of them out in front of me next to a nice beautiful red rose. I take then energy of my anger and push it into the rose. With all my might. And then I explode (or melt or dissolve) the rose. And the release I feel from seeing my frustration wither away is quite freeing.

I know my problem is still there but at least for the moment it is gone. I can concentrate on my task at hand.

[2totango]

I have seen something similar to this; the gentleman in question doesn't watch me as I am not tall, blonde and 20-something (and he made it clear to me those are the standards he holds when looking for a dance partner) and most people, after a few pleasantries, ignore him. Yes, he watches a good bit, especially if the younger women are dancing, but they seem to be able to brush it off. Many of the younger women are competitors and they look at this gentleman as a tool to help them get used to people watching them intently. After all, at a comp, possibly not everyone is going to be looking at your partner thinking "wow, isn't she a lovely dancer".

[tanya_the_dancer]

I agree with the idea of using people watching you as a tool to get used to the idea that people will be watching you.

[tanya_the_dancer]

Have you tried saying something to him? Not in front of your partner, as you said she didn't have a problem with it, but maybe as an aside?

I konw I enjoy watching dancers of all levels just because I feel I always learn something. But if someone told me it was bothering them, I'd certainly quit watching them.

I had a lesson the other day, and there was another couple there waiting for their lesson. They were watching me pretty much all the time until their teacher got them.

[Larinda McRaven]

It can't really be used as a tool for for competition training. Because he is not saying "hey I don't like someone watching us"...

He is irritated that the (in his words) "less than honerable" guy is watching his partner... And that has nothing to do with confronting performance anxiety.

[waltzgirl]

Think, "yeah, watch all you want! Eat your heart out--she's my partner and she wouldn't dance with you on a bet."

[elisedance]

thats a healthy approach - and goes I think to the heart of the problem...

[WaltzElf]

Thanks everyone. Good advice in this thread, I'll give it a try :)

It can't really be used as a tool for for competition training. Because he is not saying "hey I don't like someone watching us"...

He is irritated that the (in his words) "less than honerable" guy is watching his partner... And that has nothing to do with confronting performance anxiety.

Yes, I don't have a problem with people watching us dance at competition or show - in fact, that's the goal of it, and I enjoy it if people come up to us and talk to us about out dancing after we perform. Even if they're watching her and not the dancing, in a big crowd it's not something I can notice - it's hard enough to see faces, let alone what they're doing.

[QPO]

Does that come with free therapy :-)

pretend he is naked and wearing clown makeup doing richard simmons exercises? LOL :wink::car:

[QPO]

I would ignore it also BTW. I have the opposite, we seem to have upset someone ie he he does not like a friend so this person wont speak with us. Which makes it awkward as we have to see them three times a week. It is a shame but you cant control other people's responses or feelings.

[Larinda McRaven]

It is a shame but you cant control other people's responses or feelings.

No, it is not your job or worry when it comes to other peoples responses or feelings.

It is a shame when you can't control your own.

[flashdance]

Does that come with free therapy :-)

I have a few bottles of mind bleach if you fancy one. Free shipping.

[and123]

I prefer the Rusty Brain Spoon.

[elisedance]

go beat the brains out of the guy - you know thats what you really want to do :evil:

[etp777]

Suspect ED is right. :)

[WaltzElf]

go beat the brains out of the guy - you know thats what you really want to do :evil:


You really shouldn't tempt me. How would you feel if my next post is from a jail cell because I've been given 10 years for assult? ;)

[Larinda McRaven]

Hey can we reign ourselves in here... and be reasonable.
BOT please. Mental exercises....

[dancepro]

Simple question - does anyone have a good way to "distract" myself to ignore people in the studio that really irk me?

I just need some mental exercises to help me ignore him.

Suggestions?

There are many mental exercises that you can do here. I will suggest "the wall" as that is the easiest one to learn. My student all learn this exercise soon or later and with great effect.

You imaging yourself building a "wall" around you. If you are dancing with your partner, you need to build the wall big enough that it protects both you and your partner. You can build "the wall" of any material. I had one student that didn't like the energy of the studio she was taking lessons at. She build her "wall" out of bulletproof metal and brick. You go ahead and build "the wall" of any material that you see fit and think will protect you. Build "the wall" like a city wall or like "the great wall of China" he he. No, I meant it build it as big as you need and of whatever material you want.

In competitions I used to build the wall of bulletproof glass so the judges could see me but no bad energy could get to me. Today at competitions if I am there as a coach, I still build a "wall" but it is more like a force field that only my students can go through. When I judge I build a "wall" behind me as a protection while standing on the floor. When you are at a competition and need a little rest mentally from building your "wall" go to a real wall and lean your back against it. This way the real wall will protect you, while the imaginary "wall" takes a rest. Once you have practiced this for a while you will be able to keep the mental "wall" up at all times with no mental strain.

I hope this helps.:)

All the best.

Dancepro

[fascination]

unless a studio owner has issues with observers, i would say you are just going to have to deal with your own issues about why it pushes your buttons and overcome them

[WaltzElf]

unless a studio owner has issues with observers, i would say you are just going to have to deal with your own issues about why it pushes your buttons and overcome them


If you read my first post you would notice that that's exactly what I was asking for advice around...



Thanks dancepro - I'd never heard of "the wall" - it sounds like a great mental discipline. I'll try to figure out how to do it - especially more broadly at comps to help reduce the impact a bad round can have on me (I call myself the snowball rolling down a hill theory in practice - New Vogue is the first dance of a competition, and if we do badly at that the comp's a writeoff)

[fascination]

my point it that you have to look inside at why it pushes your nut button and then realize that only you can decide to not let it threaten you...that he is ogling your girl or whatever...you don't really need help IMO...just strength patience and focus

[dancepro]

Thanks dancepro - I'd never heard of "the wall" - it sounds like a great mental discipline. I'll try to figure out how to do it - especially more broadly at comps to help reduce the impact a bad round can have on me (I call myself the snowball rolling down a hill theory in practice - New Vogue is the first dance of a competition, and if we do badly at that the comp's a writeoff)

You are welcome.:) I didn't invent the idea of "the wall", so I can't claim credit on that one. It was taught to me by my grandfather. He was very often on stage performing. He taught us grandchildren about "the wall" very early on. I can't even remember, when I first heard of it. To me it is as if, I have always known about "the wall". I have since read about "the wall" principle in several books.

BTW, about competitions.....never dance first rounds in public;) and the competition will be just fine.

Dancepro

[WaltzElf]

my point it that you have to look inside at why it pushes your nut button and then realize that only you can decide to not let it threaten you...that he is ogling your girl or whatever...you don't really need help IMO...just strength patience and focus


Oh... yes, I know why it irritates me as it does... it's just not a situation I've needed to deal with before, funnily enough, and I wondered if there was any techniques, like that "wall" of dancepros, that could help me fix my focus back to where it belongs.

[fascination]

I think the focus...as most 12 step programs would encourage....would be inward...notice what it is causing in you, and let go of the fear...treat the distraction as another thing that cannot deter you from your goal

[Larinda McRaven]

I think the focus...as most 12 step programs would encourage....would be inward...notice what it is causing in you, and let go of the fear...treat the distraction as another thing that cannot deter you from your goal

That is why I like my rose exercise. When I push my frustration into the rose I am addressing it. Trying to see what it is exactly that is bothering me, and then trying to release it. I can't stop the emotions or the frustrations. But I can help my mind to identify them and then find a way to disarm them.

That way I can welcome them when they appear again. They teach me. And I can learn. And then I can exist peacefully with them.

[fascination]

good point...I would also draw OP's attention to the work of anthony demello or any other contemplative, whoe books inclues spiritual exercises that allow one to surrender various feelings....but, the bottom line is that knowing how to let it go and letting it go are two very different things....you have to want to let it go more than you want to be bugged by it

[Larinda McRaven]

Yup, when it hurts more to stay the same than to change... you will change. But I guess you gotta be ready for it.

[fascination]

or just tired of the alternative

[nucat78]

Pretend he's a judge.

Agreed.

[tsb]

i submit that the $25000 question is:

"what is the worst thing that could actually happen if i weren't around, and if that doesn't bother her, why should it bother me?"

the kicker is that what we find irritating in others' behavior is often something we do ourselves.

[LatinDancer006]

But as for mental excercises... I take the person or event that irritates me and hold the thought of them out in front of me next to a nice beautiful red rose. I take then energy of my anger and push it into the rose. With all my might. And then I explode (or melt or dissolve) the rose. And the release I feel from seeing my frustration wither away is quite freeing.

I know my problem is still there but at least for the moment it is gone. I can concentrate on my task at hand.

Oh, I thought that was how you set the mood for tango!;)

[WaltzElf]

i submit that the $25000 question is:

"what is the worst thing that could actually happen if i weren't around, and if that doesn't bother her, why should it bother me?"

the kicker is that what we find irritating in others' behavior is often something we do ourselves.


Just RE: the last one. That saying is not a truism, and it certainly doesn't apply in this case.


Thanks again for the advice in the thread, guys. It's helped a lot :-)

[Wolfgang]

Think, "yeah, watch all you want! Eat your heart out--she's my partner and she wouldn't dance with you on a bet."

What she said......
Depending on the environmental circumstances - are you bigger than him?
If yes - nothing to worry about.

[bordertangoman]

use a bit of witch-craft; get some kind of sacred herb or flower; thank it for helping you when you pick it; then place above the doorway to where you're dancing with some kind of blessing along the lines of " may all who enter do so with a pure heart and no malign intentions" this means that he cant get in without leaving his salacious thoughts outside.

Of course if everyone else is stuck outside too then dont blame me! ;)

[lcdancesport]

I like to become productive. Find something to focus on and work hard at it, don't let this other person become a nuisance. If I have many things I need to take care of or practice with, then I could care less about who else is around, unless they needed me for something.

[Leonid Turetsky]

I like that mental exercise Larinda. Its like NLP for yourself, its great!

There is another spiritual exercise from buddhism, not so much mental, its more of a feeling exercise:
Basically whatever the issue you have you try to just FEEL IT as intensely as you can. Basically close your eyes and just without labeling it, or judging it, or even thinking it, just try to feel that energy within you. So instead of ignoring you are WATCHING it. Your ego will see that you can watch this feeling, and therefore it is not you, and therefore weaken itself. That anger will be released once its felt completely


At the end of the day I sometimes think back to what my daily moments were that illustrated my greatest joy and my worst anger. Because these are both roadsigns to my biggest weaknesses.

But as for mental excercises... I take the person or event that irritates me and hold the thought of them out in front of me next to a nice beautiful red rose. I take then energy of my anger and push it into the rose. With all my might. And then I explode (or melt or dissolve) the rose. And the release I feel from seeing my frustration wither away is quite freeing.

I know my problem is still there but at least for the moment it is gone. I can concentrate on my task at hand.

[WaltzElf]

And a couple of weeks on, and it doesn’t bug me nearly as much any more :-) Thanks everyone!

[Larinda McRaven]

Good to hear!