what a snug contact from a female

[waltzguy]

Disclaimer: Stop reading right now if you are uncomfortable with male-female attraction-response topics.

The other night, I had a group lesson. Normally, I am a big advocater of the closed position contact. But, the following event made me think if sometimes the CP contact can be too much. There was a guest lady that joined the class, who has essentially never been with these group classes before. Let's call this lady "Z".

My dance partner was not in town and so I attended the group class alone.

So "Z" and I try partnering during the class, just for the class. Never in my life have I felt such a snug contact. And apparently, she had just the proper height to make contact with my, ahem, private area. I couldn't shake it, and had an involuntary response below the belt, which probably was noticed by "Z". She seemed not to mind (perhaps even like), and later said some flattering, but perhaps nearly creepy comments to me. Seems like she is playing easy to get.

For the guys, is this contact-based human response common while dancing standard/smooth? Most of the time, it's not a problem for me. There's too much technical material for me to think about, but human nature, like mother nature, is a force to be reckoned with.

P.S. There's an old thread on this topic in the AT area.

[elisedance]

I think this has come up, so to speak, (did I write that??) numerous times. IMO you should think first about your feelings to the lady in questoin and very much second to the physical contact....

[Terpsichorean Clod]

I think this has come up, so to speak, (did I write that??) numerous times.
Elise!! :wags finger reproachfully: :razz:

[Terpsichorean Clod]

I would recommend a right brain approach - that is, diverting blood flow to said area. :razz:

I don't think she was doing it correctly. I know someone who had a tryout with a less advanced follower who attempted contact in that fashion (location of contact, amount of pressure). Lack of physical attraction notwithstanding, there were the beginnings of a physiological response before he insisted on a frame-only hold.

[tanya_the_dancer]

Just wondering, wouldn't the proper closed hold have very little contact in the private area? I think of it as more of right side to right side contact, so the middle area is not involved. Although any guy attempting closed hold with me will get in contact with my, erm, right boob. Not sure how that affects physiological response.

[etp777]

from my very limited experience with closed hold, would agree with you TTD. as has been mentioned in other channels though, definitely have seen people with a poor understanding of closed hold, esp in tango, really be big on idea of pelvis to pelvis contact for tango.

[WaltzElf]

In standard, no. The lady wouldn't notice anyways, since I keep the pelvis right out of the way of the lady I'm dancing with.

[Chiron]

For that situation the physiological response seems normal. However I don't tend to have that problem when I dance standard. Like Tanya said, most my contact is right side (anywhere from thigh up through the ribs, typically core and torso though). As a side note, I wear supportive garments and pack left. The lady would have to come pretty far to my left and I would have to change where things are for this to be an issue.

...Although any guy attempting closed hold with me will get in contact with my, erm, right boob. Not sure how that affects physiological response.

I personally tend to only notice if said lady is well endowed and it effects the position. Even then I tend not to notice it much more than contact once I start moving.

[elisedance]

Elise!! :wags finger reproachfully: :razz:

:roll:
[where's the exit? :car:

[etp777]

Blame it on the whining thread ED. ;)

[waltzguy]

I think this has come up, so to speak.

:mrgreen:

IMO you should think first about your feelings to the lady in questoin and very much second to the physical contact....

Well, let's see, she's single, pretty cute, good age match, very good height match, need I say more. :D

[etp777]

If you're not interseted than introduce me. ;)

[waltzguy]

Just wondering, wouldn't the proper closed hold have very little contact in the private area? I think of it as more of right side to right side contact, so the middle area is not involved.

Well, that's what I think too. I don't get it. There was more contact in the said area than usual. Yet, I didn't feel she was abnormally centered onto me.

[waltzguy]

If you're not interseted than introduce me. ;)

:p
Will ask if she's interested in Chicago.
:p

[wooh]

Well, that's what I think too. I don't get it. There was more contact in the said area than usual. Yet, I didn't feel she was abnormally centered onto me.

She have really long legs compared to you? I get more contact there than I'd like with guys that have way shorter legs than me. But it's rare since I tend to not dance with much body contact with guys way shorter than me.

[jwlinson]

I've never had this problem. Too busy thinking of the dance.

To avoid contact in said area, our coaches have always said the guy "dresses himself" to the left side of his body while dancing.

[tangotime]

i think this has come up, so to speak, (did i write that??) numerous times.



.

lmao !!

[elisedance]

Well, that's what I think too. I don't get it. There was more contact in the said area than usual. Yet, I didn't feel she was abnormally centered onto me.

Sooo, the treatment may not really be anything to do with dance.... Ask her out .... but maybe you should ask your partner's permission first ;)

[waltzgirl]

I think the lady is a lech.

[elisedance]

And, of course, thats why every single man on here wants to 'meet' her...

[NonieS]

:uplaugh:

[NonieS]

I think this has come up, so to speak, (did I write that??) numerous times.

Man, Elise is on fire!!! LOL your comments are hilarious!!!

[elisedance]

I'm a student of male 'affection'

[and I am probably going to pay for this... :rolleyes;]

[zp3929]

For the guys, is this contact-based human response common while dancing standard/smooth? Most of the time, it's not a problem for me. There's too much technical material for me to think about, but human nature, like mother nature, is a force to be reckoned with.


The man stands slightly to the left of the woman, meaning that the only uncomfortable connection between man and woman would be through the chest area. if lady "Z" liked it then you shouldn't have a problem :D

[Bella]

lol, I don't dance standard yet, so I've never thought about this. In Latin however, even without a snug contact, I'm sure there are surprises, ahem, as well.

[Bella]

Personally if I was in the situation and didn't know the guy very well, I wouldn't say anything. I mean, what would I say, "Whatcha doin down there buddy?" :eyebrow:

[contracheck]

And, the music was Sinatra's "The Lady is a Tramp?"

[waltzguy]

She have really long legs compared to you? I get more contact there than I'd like with guys that have way shorter legs than me.

Hmmm, not sure. Seems like she has normal length legs. She's about four inches shorter than I. Not much different than my DP, so I just don't get it.

[contracheck]

lol, I don't dance standard yet, so I've never thought about this. In Latin however, even without a snug contact, I'm sure there are surprises, ahem, as well.

Wait until you come to the Tango, which is apt to create far more precarious situations. having said that, I can envision that you'd start Tango tomorrow.

[waltzguy]

Sooo, the treatment may not really be anything to do with dance.... Ask her out .... but maybe you should ask your partner's permission first ;)

Ahhh, that would be a big problem, as much as I might like to.:rolleyes: I have a DP, and, separately, a newly developing GF.

[waltzguy]

Personally if I was in the situation and didn't know the guy very well, I wouldn't say anything. I mean, what would I say, "Whatcha doin down there buddy?" :eyebrow:

LMAO :mrgreen:

[elisedance]

Three is a nice set.... seems each will fill a niche in your life :p

[waltzguy]

Three is a nice set.... seems each will fill a niche in your life :p

Life is full of hard decisions. :raisebro:

[waltzguy]

Wait until you come to the Tango, which is apt to create far more precarious situations. having said that, I can envision that you'd start Tango tomorrow.

Interesting you say tango. Because it was a tango group class I'm talking about.

[Mostly Ballroom]

Women have a way of dancing differently, if they choose, that is very arousing. In my opinion, you were picking up on this from these statements:


But, the following event made me think if sometimes the CP contact can be too much.


Never in my life have I felt such a snug contact.


She seemed not to mind (perhaps even like), and later said some flattering, but perhaps nearly creepy comments to me. Seems like she is playing easy to get.

In my opinion you weren't responding to the close contact. You were responding to her being sensual with you.

[Larinda McRaven]

watching the thread carefully. keep it clean.

http://www.gnutellaforums.com/customavatars/avatar66552_4.gif

[waltzguy]

Women have a way of dancing differently, if they choose, that is very arousing. In my opinion, you were picking up on this from these statements:
...


You are probably correct!

[emeralddancer]

I dance in CP pretty snug with my pro and a few of my favorite leads. Only contact there is if my right leg is not where it suppose to be and I knee him (pro) in the family jewels, which has happened (and thankfully not to my favorite leads). Otherwise ... nope never felt any happy willies, nor do I want to. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!:p;):cool::rolleyes:

[elisedance]

sometimes - just occasionally - us girls get to feel distinclty superior... ;)

[fascination]

I cannot fathom how this could not have been dealt with exhaustively in the past threads on this subject

[etp777]

the one in AT section was only lke 20-30 pages long, surely that's not enough to treat the subject. :)

[DL]

I cannot fathom how this could not have been dealt with exhaustively in the past threads on this subject

Perhaps I missed it, but I'm not sure that other threads devoted much focus to the issue of "I think she's doing it on purpose (and making 'creepy' remarks afterwards)."

[Larinda McRaven]

Perhaps not, but we already have had more than a fair share of immature wise cracks and innuendos.

[DL]

Perhaps not, but we already have had more than a fair share of immature wise cracks and innuendos.

I had been wishing for a little more serious treatment of the subject. It seems to be a less-common topic than the issue of a lady complaining about inappropriate touching+commentary from a male, but no less important. If there are newbie leaders out there who face similar situations and stumble across this thread, advice to enjoy the attention and ask the lady out for a date (no matter how much levity was intended) might not be best for them.

All threads of this sort seem to end up with shared anecdotes of amusing accidents -- many of which are instructive -- but I think usually with a bit more serious discussion first.

[SDsalsaguy]

Well said DL.

[Nik]

Def been in this situation before, kinda awkward. The lady has to be close to the mans height to have anything getting in the way.

[Mostly Ballroom]

Def been in this situation before, kinda awkward. The lady has to be close to the mans height to have anything getting in the way.
When I was a newbie I danced tango? in a very basic, no technique group class with a taller woman. Boy did I start a conversation and keep it going to distract myself. Of course I could have just given myself some distance but it didn't occur to me. I just remember being in a state of :shock:. Like a deer in the headlights. At the time I was in general hesitant to say no or do something that might displease another person so the idea probably didn't even occur to me.

Also I don't think she was being creepy or sensuous in any way.

[Mostly Ballroom]

I had been wishing for a little more serious treatment of the subject. It seems to be a less-common topic than the issue of a lady complaining about inappropriate touching+commentary from a male, but no less important. If there are newbie leaders out there who face similar situations and stumble across this thread, advice to enjoy the attention and ask the lady out for a date (no matter how much levity was intended) might not be best for them.

Finally I used to get some women who would want to dance with me in a way that I was uncomfortable with (which of course is all that matters). But at that time I had a difficult time saying no so I'd avoid them which didn't always work. I'm much more assertive now so it's not really an issue anymore. Holding them at a distance where I'm comfortable, and doing it during the entire dance and being persistent about it. It didn't happen too often. But that's how I dealt with it.

(Disclaimer: I'm just going to mention that sensuous does not mean creepy and creepy does not mean sensuous. IMO, nothing wrong with sensuous. If the other person indicates that they are uncomfortable or don't want it then of course the first person MUST back off. Period. And that goes for me as well. And granted I like to dance sexy and sensuous myself. But if I don't want to with someone I don't have to. And if someone doesn't want to with me they don't have to.)

[Terpsichorean Clod]

I cannot fathom how this could not have been dealt with exhaustively in the past threads on this subject
I'm pretty sure this is a unique thread. There are related threads but those are sufficiently dissimilar. Otherwise I would have merged this thread, believe you me. ;)

[elisedance]

I'm tall (and hence this should be a hazzard according to the above) but I can't say that this has ever been an issue. Maybe its more so the younger you are? When the sap rises a little faster, to put it politely? Or maybe we get better at respecting each other's private space, even when in close contact....

[Slowly I Turn]

A number of ladies would like to take ballroom with their husbands but are worried/uncomfortable about having to dance with another partner. I’ve tried to reassure them it’s very business-like and won’t be a problem. Imagine the number bailing out as they read this thread. I can’t believe there’s that much of this going on regardless of who is initiating the contact.

[emeralddancer]

However realize there are also a number of ladies out there that dance specifically with this purpose in mind.

Some of it is unconscious and usually will act as such, but when a woman makes remarks that makes one believe she was aware and interested, well .... you can bet that is exactly what she had in mind.

I may still be a relative beginner with proper holds and what not, however I know that closed position does not require me as a follow to be in my leads space to be able to feel anything in that general area unless i or he is doing something wrong with our hold ....

now as to handle it ... well I would assume if you dance with this particular lady again, create distance in the hold, or explain to her that you prefer to dance in frame verses closed position OR if dancing in closed position maybe instructor her in a way that shows her proper positioning.

[fascination]

Perhaps I missed it, but I'm not sure that other threads devoted much focus to the issue of "I think she's doing it on purpose (and making 'creepy' remarks afterwards)."correct ...that is where these threads tend to go...IMV...anyone who knows how a man's body works knows that sometimes these things just happen...

[fascination]

I had been wishing for a little more serious treatment of the subject. It seems to be a less-common topic than the issue of a lady complaining about inappropriate touching+commentary from a male, but no less important. If there are newbie leaders out there who face similar situations and stumble across this thread, advice to enjoy the attention and ask the lady out for a date (no matter how much levity was intended) might not be best for them.

All threads of this sort seem to end up with shared anecdotes of amusing accidents -- many of which are instructive -- but I think usually with a bit more serious discussion first.there is a second thread on this subject and I know because I started it in 2005 when I was aware of having come into contact I hadn't anticipated and, as a very new dancer was concerned that I simply was doing something wrong, not b/c the gentleman was having a reaction, frankly I am not sure and don't want to know, but b/c I was concerned that perhaps I was just in poor position...turns out, if one is dancing with a short gent this sort of thing is pretty likely...at least the contact part...if not the inadverant physical response...and it has been noted in that thread that most experienced gents and pros know how to deal with that...right down to what kind of clothing to wear...shrug...stuff happens...

[fascination]

I'm pretty sure this is a unique thread. There are related threads but those are sufficiently dissimilar. Otherwise I would have merged this thread, believe you me. ;)
the thread has something to do with sensitive question for the men or something like that and it isn't the AT one....pyg started it in 2005...probably between july and october of 2005...and it was done to pieces.....if you can find it it would probably help some folks

[fascination]

A number of ladies would like to take ballroom with their husbands but are worried/uncomfortable about having to dance with another partner. I’ve tried to reassure them it’s very business-like and won’t be a problem. Imagine the number bailing out as they read this thread. I can’t believe there’s that much of this going on regardless of who is initiating the contact.I have only had this issue dancing in constant contact with one person who was my height and only on a few moves such as corte's...it really is rare...and totally avoidable if one is a newb...and let me clarify...the contact issues not the man's physical response or lack therein...

[tanya_the_dancer]

Some of it is unconscious and usually will act as such, but when a woman makes remarks that makes one believe she was aware and interested, well .... you can bet that is exactly what she had in mind.


So, what's a girl to do if something like that happened - pretend she didn't notice? Or maybe say something reassuring (the poor guy is probably dying from embarrassment)?

That sort of thing hasn't happened to me, so I am not sure how I'd react.

[etp777]

hasn't happened yet, but I suspect I'd prefer the woman didn't say anything.

[elisedance]

A number of ladies would like to take ballroom with their husbands but are worried/uncomfortable about having to dance with another partner. I’ve tried to reassure them it’s very business-like and won’t be a problem. Imagine the number bailing out as they read this thread. I can’t believe there’s that much of this going on regardless of who is initiating the contact.

Well, the proviso here is 'close contact'. This generally implies that the coupld have considerable experience since this is not established with beginners.

These threads blow this issue out of proportion. As F put so well, its an occupational hazzard for a male body - and some men are undoubtedly more susceptible than others. Yet as both tanya and I have stated it has never happened to us so its hardly rampant.

[emeralddancer]

So, what's a girl to do if something like that happened - pretend she didn't notice? Or maybe say something reassuring (the poor guy is probably dying from embarrassment)?

That sort of thing hasn't happened to me, so I am not sure how I'd react.


For me (and mind you I am very blunt to the point kinda person) I would probably ask to dance in frame instead of closed position. BUT that being said ... I am generally someone who does not like to be touched in any manner unless I invite you into my space. I have to feel a certain gut or intuition ... so generally I am only in frame until I get to know people.

I had one experience where this guy i accepted a dance from AND was dancing in frame, he kept pulling me close and rubbing my breasts (yes both) with his chest OR would deliberately touch the sides of them. It was blatant and made me very uncomfortable. (I am rather on the large busted side, so some contact is unavoidable, but come on really!) Any way even after I physically pulled myself back and he did the same thing 2 more times I literally stopped in the middle of the dance and was like "look I am not comfortable with this type of contact, I will continue to dance if we can dance in a open hold. If you can not do that i am walking off the floor now". He said to me he does not dance like that and well ... I walked.

I watched this guy with several other women and he did the same to them and 2 others walked off in the middle of the dance including one where he put his hand directly on her rear end.

This knd of behavior is unacceptable to me personally and better suited to the club bump and grind scene. Not to ballroom. No business of making anyone male or female unconfortable EVEN if you are attracked to them.

However in my limited experience most contact of this sort is usually accidental and thus no one mentions it. It is only mention (in my experiences with myself or talking to others) when it is a blatant attempt to cop a feel.

And while some of you mght think it was rude of me to walk off in the middle of a dance, or to speak so bluntly, sorry if I offended you .... but nope I will not put myself in a position to be pawed at or manhandled in a way that makes me feel ick.

(side note: his groping hands did produce a response in him (if ya catch my meaning) that I did not like at all ....)

[atk]

For the guys, is this contact-based human response common while dancing standard/smooth?


As others have already stated, physiological responses to physical stimulus are natural. It's how you respond to them that matters.


My partner and I practice together enough, and are in enough intimate contact that I have experienced this issue. In such cases, I tell her we have to wait a minute, and walk away (not far - about 5 or 10 feet away) and find something else in the room to focus on (like a picture on the wall). This distracts me and gives me a chance to calm down.

The first time it happened with her, she told me that she didn't care if this occurred when we were dancing together. Even if she doesn't care, I do. I do not consider it polite to remain in contact with a woman when I am in such a state (when dancing); it's a distraction for me; and it's somewhat embarrassing if that happens in a public setting.


Then there's a couple of women with whom I act as a practice dummy. Once in a while, a stimulus will present itself, and my body will respond. If my genitals are touching her, I adjust to prevent such contact. Usually, simply separating and recreating dance position can correct it. If the issue has not gained any significance, dancing out of body contact for a moment can also help.


Then there's social events. Only once or twice have I brushed my partner during a dance. Fortunately, I haven't responded, yet. However, should I respond, I do have a plan :). First, I'll stop, separate, recreate dance position and restart. If that doesn't alleviate the contact, I'll move to a non-body-contact hold. If, at any time, I feel like the issue is increasing rather than alleviating, and that I need to sit down, I'll make an excuse to stop the dance. Maybe let a knee collapse a little and say, "Ow! Shoot! My leg just cramped up. I need to take a few minutes and stretch it out. Can I ask you to dance when I get rid of the cramp?" and limp off the floor to my seat. This excuse has the added benifit that people often put pressure on something that causes them pain, so I can bend over (attempting to hide the evidence) and grab my leg. Once I reach my seat, I can stretch. This particular excuse is good for me, as I do have leg problems, which require lots of stretching to both prevent and to correct.

[fascination]

let me again say, for the benefit of lurkers and new members, that in my experience inappropriate behavior of the sort listed in some of the above posts is rare, exceedingly rare...and I rather doubt it is solely because I simply lack the ability to evoke it...so do not be overly concerned about these things

[NonieS]

this thread just made me all sorts of glad that I'm a girl!!! You poor boys have to deal with a lot!!

[NonieS]

Three is a nice set.... seems each will fill a niche in your life :p


Indeed :D

[NonieS]

let me again say, for the benefit of lurkers and new members, that in my experience inappropriate behavior of the sort listed in some of the above posts is rare, exceedingly rare...and I rather doubt it is solely because I simply lack the ability to evoke it...so do not be overly concerned about these things


I agree... creepy gropers are rare!!

[Indiana_Jay]

So, what's a girl to do if something like that happened - pretend she didn't notice? Or maybe say something reassuring (the poor guy is probably dying from embarrassment)?

hasn't happened yet, but I suspect I'd prefer the woman didn't say anything.

I agree. If the gentleman behaves as he should and immediately changes position to as to avoid contact, the best thing the lady can do is be silent about it and understanding (e.g. don't make a fuss about the change in position, demand to know why, etc.)

There are a couple followers who could make a comment to me without me feeling embarrassed. One of them is a medical practitioner -- so I know she understands the physiology better than most. She could look at me, say something like "it's OK, I understand" and it would be OK.

Fortunately, however, the issue has never come up for me. I have no doubt, however, that had I started dancing in my 20s things would be different.

[Indiana_Jay]

For the guys, is this contact-based human response common while dancing standard/smooth? ... There's too much technical material for me to think about ...

It has never happened to me while dancing, but then, I recently passed the half-century mark, so I'm not nearly as "responsive" as I was 30 years ago.

I suspect that even for younger men, the response is not all that common, for the reasons you mentioned (concentrating on dancing). In addition, many of us, even the younger ones, are able to effect some "mind over matter" control.

I agree with Fascination, who wrote to assure readers that the issue is not nearly as prevalent in ballroom dance as this thread might otherwise lead one to believe.

-IJ

[Indiana_Jay]

this thread just made me all sorts of glad that I'm a girl!!! You poor boys have to deal with a lot!!

We appreciate your understanding!

[Indiana_Jay]

Maybe let a knee collapse a little and say, "Ow! Shoot! My leg just cramped up. I need to take a few minutes and stretch it out. Can I ask you to dance when I get rid of the cramp?" and limp off the floor to my seat.

I doubt I'd ever use that much theatrics. If changing dance position was insufficient, I'd just say, "I'm sorry, I really need to take a break." If the follower pressed for more information, "You don't really want to know" (with a wink, perhaps).

[elisedance]

I doubt I'd ever use that much theatrics. If changing dance position was insufficient, I'd just say, "I'm sorry, I really need to take a break."

Good...

If the follower pressed for more information, "You don't really want to know" (with a wink, perhaps).

Not so much - quit while you're ahead. The latter could get you wrongly pigeonholed into the creepy bin...

[fascination]

Good...



Not so much - quit while you're ahead. The latter could get you wrongly pigeonholed into the creepy bin...
agree...though, given his height, the likelihood of any woman other than yourself ever making contact in that region is exceedingly remote

[Indiana_Jay]

If the follower pressed for more information, "You don't really want to know" (with a wink, perhaps).

Not so much - quit while you're ahead. The latter could get you wrongly pigeonholed into the creepy bin...

OK, then. Let's go with "I'd rather not say" and leave out the wink.

[Indiana_Jay]

agree...though, given his height, the likelihood of any woman other than yourself ever making contact in that region is exceedingly remote

That and my advanced age are probably the main reasons I haven't experienced the difficulty.

[tanya_the_dancer]

For me (and mind you I am very blunt to the point kinda person) I would probably ask to dance in frame instead of closed position. BUT that being said ... I am generally someone who does not like to be touched in any manner unless I invite you into my space. I have to feel a certain gut or intuition ... so generally I am only in frame until I get to know people.

I had one experience where this guy i accepted a dance from AND was dancing in frame, he kept pulling me close and rubbing my breasts (yes both) with his chest OR would deliberately touch the sides of them. It was blatant and made me very uncomfortable. (I am rather on the large busted side, so some contact is unavoidable, but come on really!) Any way even after I physically pulled myself back and he did the same thing 2 more times I literally stopped in the middle of the dance and was like "look I am not comfortable with this type of contact, I will continue to dance if we can dance in a open hold. If you can not do that i am walking off the floor now". He said to me he does not dance like that and well ... I walked.

I watched this guy with several other women and he did the same to them and 2 others walked off in the middle of the dance including one where he put his hand directly on her rear end.

This knd of behavior is unacceptable to me personally and better suited to the club bump and grind scene. Not to ballroom. No business of making anyone male or female unconfortable EVEN if you are attracked to them.

However in my limited experience most contact of this sort is usually accidental and thus no one mentions it. It is only mention (in my experiences with myself or talking to others) when it is a blatant attempt to cop a feel.

And while some of you mght think it was rude of me to walk off in the middle of a dance, or to speak so bluntly, sorry if I offended you .... but nope I will not put myself in a position to be pawed at or manhandled in a way that makes me feel ick.

(side note: his groping hands did produce a response in him (if ya catch my meaning) that I did not like at all ....)

Wow, that's extreme.

But on the boob contact issue, I am on large side, too, and I can't help it if my boobs touch the guy (usually it's my right boob). I don't care anymore if that happens. If he is not comfortable with that, he can always dance without body contact. But locally only a handful of amateur leads are capable of hold with body contact anyway.

[PretzelsAndBeer]

this thread just made me all sorts of glad that I'm a girl!!! You poor boys have to deal with a lot!!

On the other hand, we boys get to dance with girls like you, but you girls are stuck dancing with guys like me. Physiological hazards notwithstanding, from this point of view it's far nicer to be a man.

[elisedance]

Ibtd

[Chiron]

So, what's a girl to do if something like that happened - pretend she didn't notice? Or maybe say something reassuring (the poor guy is probably dying from embarrassment)?

That sort of thing hasn't happened to me, so I am not sure how I'd react.

It hasn't happened to me but I would prefer the lady pretend she didn't notice. It make it easier to do some of the 'mind over matter' things to help things return to normal.

[Chiron]

this thread just made me all sorts of glad that I'm a girl!!! You poor boys have to deal with a lot!!

It's the price we pay for having the shorter restroom lines...

[Chiron]

Fortunately, however, the issue has never come up for me. I have no doubt, however, that had I started dancing in my 20s things would be different.

Even some of us spry youngins (20s) don't have much problems with it. However, if I had started dancing when I was a teenager and a raging mess of hormones who knows...

[elisedance]

Don't hear much about this from the teen crowd on this particular issue - perhaps (as in many social issues) they are just that much more mature than the older folk...

[Terpsichorean Clod]

the thread has something to do with sensitive question for the men or something like that and it isn't the AT one....pyg started it in 2005...probably between july and october of 2005...and it was done to pieces.....if you can find it it would probably help some folks
fascination's thread :razz:
Inside the male mind: Thoughts on body contact, anyone? (http://dance-forums.com/showthread.php?t=9436)

[Indiana_Jay]

fascination's thread :razz:
Inside the male mind: Thoughts on body contact, anyone? (http://dance-forums.com/showthread.php?t=9436)

Good job, Terps! IIRC, people were careful to avoid clinical terminology in that thread, making it difficult to search for.

[Terpsichorean Clod]

Thanks, IJ! :)

[Bella]

Don't you feel, in most cases, the snug/brush of another's "area" is simply unintentional? It has no meaning behind it whatsoever other than that there's a "cause and effect" situation.

[Bella]

I watched this guy with several other women and he did the same to them and 2 others walked off in the middle of the dance including one where he put his hand directly on her rear end.

This knd of behavior is unacceptable to me personally and better suited to the club bump and grind scene. Not to ballroom. No business of making anyone male or female unconfortable EVEN if you are attracked to them.



Like this for an example. Maybe, this is how the man always dances with women - bumping, grinding, and all. Not that I'll condone this behavior, but before reacting I think details behind his motive should be considered.


(side note: his groping hands did produce a response in him (if ya catch my meaning) that I did not like at all ....)


Oh, ew. But still - just giving people the benefit of the doubt I guess.

[fascination]

Don't you feel, in most cases, the snug/brush of another's "area" is simply unintentional? It has no meaning behind it whatsoever other than that there's a "cause and effect" situation.
agree...I have..um...jangled some nerves so to speak...on accident...and whatever did or didn't happen as a result...was dealt with in a manner that promptly re-directed focus to whatever aspect of dancing was presently at issue

[fascination]

fascination's thread :razz:
Inside the male mind: Thoughts on body contact, anyone? (http://dance-forums.com/showthread.php?t=9436)
brilliant work sir

[waltzguy]

There is perhaps one issue at stake that has not been addressed.

The lady "Z" is (much) less experienced than I am. Also, as I've mentioned, she was somewhat of a guest attendee in these ballroom group classes.

Realize that everyone, and I mean everyone, sees me practicing or having a lesson in contact closed position, whether it's with one of my pros, or with my DP, or someone else who's technically advanced and does contact.

Potentially in an effort to prove herself, "Z" wanted to ensure she dances in contact. Dancing in anything less may either:
- Indicate her lack of ability or experience
- Indicate her dis-interest or poor attitude.

Perhaps she was just trying to dance well, eg. dancing up. Perhaps she didn't want me to dance down.

[waltzguy]

now as to handle it ... well I would assume if you dance with this particular lady again, create distance in the hold, or explain to her that you prefer to dance in frame verses closed position OR if dancing in closed position maybe instructor her in a way that shows her proper positioning.

In general, I agree. However, in such a technical group class, and see my above post, it is sometimes hard to back off from contact.

[waltzguy]

this thread just made me all sorts of glad that I'm a girl!!! You poor boys have to deal with a lot!!

Well said!

[Peaches]

Don't you feel, in most cases, the snug/brush of another's "area" is simply unintentional? It has no meaning behind it whatsoever other than that there's a "cause and effect" situation.Yep. I remember it happening a bit when I danced ballroom (IIRC, there were some moves/steps where it was more common), and it happens from time to time with AT. As much as I value a close connection in AT, and frankly enjoy the physical contact (in a strictly non-sexual way), THAT is not the contact that I'm after. Sometimes, it happens. Whatever. I ignore it, never mention anything to the guy, make what adjustments I feel I need to if poor positioning or technique is the cause, and keep on dancing. *shrug* Dancing is a contact sport.

[elisedance]

Realize that everyone, and I mean everyone, sees me practicing or having a lesson in contact closed position, whether it's with one of my pros, or with my DP, or someone else who's technically advanced and does contact.

Potentially in an effort to prove herself, "Z" wanted to ensure she dances in contact. Dancing in anything less may either:
- Indicate her lack of ability or experience
- Indicate her dis-interest or poor attitude.

Perhaps she was just trying to dance well, eg. dancing up. Perhaps she didn't want me to dance down.

Perhaps. Or maybe she thinks you are cute and did not want to come accross as stand-offish .... :) :cool:

[waltzguy]

Perhaps. Or maybe she thinks you are cute ... :) :cool:

:oops:

[elisedance]

Now you have me at it - any guy who blushes easily IS cute... :)

[waltzguy]

ahem, it's from the sweating due to the dancing, of course ;)

[elisedance]

mm. in this thread you have to be careful what you say - I almost went over the line by pure accident... something about my altitude...

[fascination]

love a guy who blushes...B.O.T.

[jwlinson]

Don't you feel, in most cases, the snug/brush of another's "area" is simply unintentional? It has no meaning behind it whatsoever other than that there's a "cause and effect" situation.

Absolutely.

All the people I've danced with are mature enough to see any brushing of areas as purely unintentional, and bound to happen due to the nature of the sport. No one thinks twice about it.

[samina]

As a side note, I wear supportive garments and pack left.

LoL...You are truly a gentleman, Chiron. :)

I've suggested before on threads when this has come up that gentlemen "dressing left" must've evolved out of dance-contact situations. Rakish sorts probly dressed right. *grin*.

Waltzguy, maybe it was just a chemistry thing. You said you fit together in a way you hadn't experienced before. That's a nice sensation. Would be natural to feel a receptive response in that case.

[Joe]

:raisebro:

[thinkingsam]

I didn't have time to read through the surprisingly many pages of this thread :oops: but I have definitely heard of ladies feeling uncomfortable with the... erm... stimulated package of a certain guy. I really didn't have the heart to tell the guy about it... I mean, what could I possibly say? "Hey, you know, I heard you get "excited" when..."

Thankfully I don't feel any of that kind of excitement myself when I'm dancing, but I imagine it's pretty easy to fix. Wear jeans a size or two too small during training. :D

[fascination]

most wise men seem to pack tightly and dress loosely so as to avoid visual observances and/or tactile occurances

[Nik]

I can definitely recall finding myself in situations like this, but not recently.

[elisedance]

Am I the only one getting the heebie jeebies on this thread? And yet its strangely compelling..... :p

[NonieS]

It's the price we pay for having the shorter restroom lines...



LOOOL!!! :uplaugh:

[fascination]

sigh...I just wish folks would use the search function

[DerekWeb]

I am afraid to ask what term you would search on to research this topic!

[fascination]

um...you can try a variety of terms...that is something that is private....

[Indiana_Jay]

Derek has a good point. Most of the time DF'ers are so careful to avoid clinical or graphic terminology that the resulting euphemisms making successful searching difficult.

[elisedance]

any term I would think of would be letigimately censored ...

[SDsalsaguy]

Derek has a good point. Most of the time DF'ers are so careful to avoid clinical or graphic terminology that the resulting euphemisms making successful searching difficult.
Sure, but as everyone here agreed to when registering, all posts must be appropriate for those as young as 13. As such, I might even have to say that some clinical terminology is actually preferable to some of the blatant innuendos and acronyms that get used, and clearly represent flagrant violations of these standards.

[Indiana_Jay]

Sure, but as everyone here agreed to when registering, all posts must be appropriate for those as young as 13. As such, I might even have to say that some clinical terminology is actually preferable to some of the blatant innuendos and acronyms that get used, and clearly represent flagrant violations of these standards.

Good point. And I might have spoken too soon. I just checked and both the clinical "P" word and "E" word appear uncensored in other threads, including the one Fascination originated in 2005.

So, Derek, if you're still listening, try searching on those words.

[fascination]

beyond that, whatever word one uses when using the search function are between that person and the search function

[DerekWeb]

I was joking as in "I am afraid to ask" !?!

[waltzguy]

Waltzguy, maybe it was just a chemistry thing. You said you fit together in a way you hadn't experienced before. That's a nice sensation. Would be natural to feel a receptive response in that case.

Yah, I think it was a chemistry thing. What "Z" said to me afterwards, I cannot repeat here, as I'm sure it would get deleted by the moderators!!! :twisted:

[piimapoika]

This subject has come up (if you'll excuse the expression) on two other threads I have contributed to. In one of them my Latin word was left a it was; in the other it miraculously changed to "pencil".

[fascination]

not by me...but let's stay on topic...since we do now have a 3rd thread