Let me show you how its really done!

[danceguy]

I've noticed a strange situation happen the last few times I've been out dancing, and firstly I thought it was all in my head. Now that I've seen it happen twice in one weekend at two different dance venues, I'm fully convinced that it isn't coincidence at all! :roll:

Here's what I've noticed:

There is one guy I see at Salsa events who usually sits down a lot, but is quite a good dancer. However - whenever I ask a lady to dance (especially if she is a newcomer to the club or really cute), he will usually immediately ask her to dance right after me, and then proceed to woo her with his extensive array of fancy moves. I mean hey, its human nature to be competitive, however this is happening so frequently I can't help but notice how strange it is!

So last Friday I was out at a new Salsa venue, and had a wonderful Merengue with this really sweet Latina. As soon as the dance was over "Mr. Fancy Pants" as I call him came over and started dancing with her. I didn't notice this until near the end of the dance as I was dancing with someone else, but he then proceeded to walk right by me and give me a sneer (the week before he purposely bumped into me on purpose and didn't apologize)! :shock: ;)

I almost started laughing at him, and figured again it was coincidence...but this Sunday he did it again! I had a few dances with two different Salseras, and sure enough, he proceeded to dance with both of them right after I did! Again, I still can't figure out folks who do this, I feel like saying "hey, find your own darn dance partners, you (*@#($&@#($@!! copycat!" :lol:

At first it kind of bothered me, but now I just laugh about it and I have to ask the gang here, has anyone else noticed this strange phenomenon while out dancing?

Best,

SG

[Pacion]

No, but take it as a sign that the lady who told you that you were the best dancer in the room was telling you the truth afterall :wink: :D

PS. How do you know that he was actually sneering at you? Perhaps he had some cabbage stuck in his teeth :twisted: :lol:

PSS. Perhaps your taste/choice in dance partners is so similar, he let's you "warm up" the girls to make it easier for him to a smoother dance?

PSSS. Maybe he is hoping that by dancing with the girls immediately after you do, some of your style will rub off on him :wink:

[danceguy]

Trust me Pacion, it was a sneer, and a right good one at that! So sad...:roll: :D

[Pacion]

Easier said than done, but, try to ignore him as ultimately, he is the insecure one. He sounds like one of those animals who feels that he has to mark/reclaim his territory. :(

[tj]

People are odd, aren't they?

I haven't had a case as bad as yours, but I have had some strange occurances over the years:

One time, I had a drunk guy keep on bumping into me every chance he got. So instead of getting mad and starting a fight (like I think he wanted), I started talking to him - asking him if he was having a good time, commenting about all the attractive ladies out on the dancefloor, etc. He was fine with me after that. (I've seen too many fights in the local salsa club for me to get dragged into *that*!)

Then there's this one guy, who gets all clingy with the ladies, especially beginners. He's somewhere between beginner and intermediate himself, and he starts to act like he "owns" a gal just because he dances with her in a class or possibly takes a private with her as his partner. He takes offense if you dance with her, even to the point where I've had the woman in question call me over, ask me to dance, and then confide to me that she wanted to get away from him. Hey, it's not like I'm doing anything more than dancing with her for a song or two. And he'll spend all night trying to dance with a (reluctant) gal if she lets him. And then, of course, he'll blame me for "taking her away" from him.

He's a potential problem, and I'd rather distance myself from the drama.

[youngsta]

Man SG that is ridiculous! Some people's egos...

[Flat Shoes]

The world is filled with weird people. :?

[MacMoto]

take it as a sign that the lady who told you that you were the best dancer in the room was telling you the truth afterall :wink: :D
That's also the impression I'm getting -- it's just a particularly male (read: immature :wink:) way of complementing another male. He sees you as a competition, a threat to his alpha salsero supremacy. :lol:

[squirrel]

Yes, things like that happen...

Or they can be reversed: People don't want to dance with you anymore after to left one school for another or after you've danced with others they don't like...

All the above happened to me and my partner... and I think it's soooooo stupid!!!

But that's life! :D

[salsachinita]

Easier said than done, but, try to ignore him as ultimately, he is the insecure one. He sounds like one of those animals who feels that he has to mark/reclaim his territory. :(

Ditto. Let's just say that I know such territorial marking only too well :roll: !

[hobrien]

Yup,

If this happenned to me I would find it hard to control myself from freaking out, however the best thing to do is show no reaction.

The ladies will make up there own minds anyway about who they like dancing with, although he can always ask them and they probably will dance with him.

I think he has something to prove between himself and you. He wants to show you that he is better than you.

In a way this is a reverse compliment to you, he may well look at you as being his only threat at the clubs you go to he wants to be the number one guy, and right now he sees you in his way.

However I gotta ask this question....
Do you guys have a history ?

[tsb]

Easier said than done, but, try to ignore him as ultimately, he is the insecure one. He sounds like one of those animals who feels that he has to mark/reclaim his territory. :(

Ditto. Let's just say that I know such territorial marking only too well :roll: !

so now you know how a fire hydrant feels? :P

i think sg should actually set up a few friends to dance with who will tell the next guy "the guy i was dancing with just before you was so much more _________ than you are" - and then go back to ask sg to dance again, like they need him to cleanse the palate... i'd pay money to watch that!

[squirrel]

grrr... tsb, that's awful! :twisted: :roll: 8)

[peachexploration]

Man SG that is ridiculous! Some people's egos...

Right Younsta. People like this have to no clue about what Salsa is suppose to be. It is total EGO and/or people with low opinions of themselves and want to blame someone else instead of looking in the mirror. Please, give me a break. :roll: Can't stand that. Unfortunately, it's just the nature of the beast. Every time I go to a class, I always get these "sizing up the competition" looks from men and women. Not that I'm that great but alot of people are just wired that way. Again, no clue at all about what Salsa is supposed to be. SG, the good thing is, if they're jealous, you must be doing something right. :wink: 8)

[salsachinita]

i think sg should actually set up a few friends to dance with who will tell the next guy "the guy i was dancing with just before you was so much more _________ than you are" - and then go back to ask sg to dance again, like they need him to cleanse the palate... i'd pay money to watch that!

:lol: Great idea....! So would I!!!!!!!

[danceguy]

Yes, its a weird situation, and I guess I have improved a lot as a dancer. However there are many guys who are way better dancers than both of us, so I still don't see what his problem is. I bet he'd be even more of a jerk if he knew that I was taking weekly Salsa privates. ;)

I was thinking yesterday that a lot of people were watching us dance right before I received that nice compliment, so perhaps I should just smile and accept it. :) :P :D

However I gotta ask this question....
Do you guys have a history ?

None whatsoever! I don't even know his name, but he's a regular at the club and friends with many people that I know. Typically I always see him dancing with the same girl, a very unfriendly Salsera who is on my greylist...hmm...I haven't asked her to dance in months (and don't plan to anytime soon), but as many have mentioned, its a territorial thing.

The unfortunate part for him is...he'd be making a huge mistake if he were to pick a fight with me...I've seen the look from him a few times but I just ignore it and pray that he's not that foolish. Honestly I've thought about picking him up and tossing him out the door a few times, but if he tries to crash into me on the dance floor again, I may have to incorporate a nice "love tap counter" to discourage such efforts in the future. ;) :D

SG

[johnnywalker]

How sad it is that there are people out there who spoil such a fun activity with their immaturity and selfishness.
I had a similar experience with an acquaintance from a school in which I was learning Rueda. A group of us used to go out quite a lot and we'd practice our steps. I then had a break for a few months before making a return. Consequently, I was a couple of levels behind the others. When we went to clubs and started a circle this one guy would constantly call moves I was unable to perform. At first I thought it was because he just wanted to practice them. However, at least one other guy who was also a few levels behind never seemed to get this 'treatment.' That is, when I was just watching and not participating I would notice that the same 'caller' would only call the more basic moves; but when I joined the circle and the other guy sat out, he would call moves I didn't know. I became so fed up after close to a year that I stopped going out with that group. I only see some of the others now. What a shame because we used to have so much fun. :(

[tj]

The unfortunate part for him is...he'd be making a huge mistake if he were to pick a fight with me...I've seen the look from him a few times but I just ignore it and pray that he's not that foolish. Honestly I've thought about picking him up and tossing him out the door a few times, but if he tries to crash into me on the dance floor again, I may have to incorporate a nice "love tap counter" to discourage such efforts in the future. ;) :D

SG

Do be careful! There have been several guys who are now permanently banned from several of the more popular clubs because of fights. And you wouldn't want that to happen, would you?

[tj]

When we went to clubs and started a circle this one guy would constantly call moves I was unable to perform. At first I thought it was because he just wanted to practice them. However, at least one other guy who was also a few levels behind never seemed to get this 'treatment.' That is, when I was just watching and not participating I would notice that the same 'caller' would only call the more basic moves; but when I joined the circle and the other guy sat out, he would call moves I didn't know. I became so fed up after close to a year that I stopped going out with that group. I only see some of the others now. What a shame because we used to have so much fun. :(

That's crappy if he was doing that on purpose. Do you think it was a tactic to get you back into class?

We have (err... had, at least. I haven't danced there in a year!) a general rule in Denver with rueda where the caller is supposed to let everyone know the skill level of that particular rueda before starting.

[danceguy]

Oh, no worries there, I never start fights...what I described would simply be me grounding myself as he crashed into me, which would create a rebound effect of his own force back at him. If he or another guy tried to hit me, I'd either dodge or just let them hit me. I've had people sprain their feet kicking me before, and I'm very good at absorbing punches and having them land with little effect. Of course, if I end up facing a boxer I may be in some trouble. ;)

That being said, I'm a man of peace and non-violence, and the last thing I would ever do at a dance venue would be to fight. I had a group of punks mouth off to me at the club a few weeks ago, and I just ignored them. I'm there to dance with beautiful women, not get in fights with ignorant guys trying to prove themselves... :roll: :D

SG

[johnnywalker]

That's crappy if he was doing that on purpose. Do you think it was a tactic to get you back into class?

We have (err... had, at least. I haven't danced there in a year!) a general rule in Denver with rueda where the caller is supposed to let everyone know the skill level of that particular rueda before starting.

I'm certain he wasn't doing that to get me back into class. I don't think he would care either way. He was a bit of a show off. My wife commented later how in Ballroom dances he would be looking at the 'audience' more than he would his partner; as though he was seeing if they were watching. I'd never noticed this but I was not really looking. Our instructors always taught us to be mindful of everyones experience and to dance to the least experienced persons level. I totally agree as the circle flows more smoothly and looks much better with everyone involved rather than having half dancing and the other half doing 'guapea' until something they know is called.

[tj]

Oh, no worries there, I never start fights...what I described would simply be me grounding myself as he crashed into me, which would create a rebound effect of his own force back at him. If he or another guy tried to hit me, I'd either dodge or just let them hit me. I've had people sprain their feet kicking me before, and I'm very good at absorbing punches and having them land with little effect. Of course, if I end up facing a boxer I may be in some trouble. ;)

That being said, I'm a man of peace and non-violence, and the last thing I would ever do at a dance venue would be to fight. I had a group of punks mouth off to me at the club a few weeks ago, and I just ignored them. I'm there to dance with beautiful women, not get in fights with ignorant guys trying to prove themselves... :roll: :D

SG

Well, that's good news. (and I already gathered that you weren't the type to *start* a fight).

I don't know how I'd react if someone were to actually take a swing at me.
Not something that I've had to deal with, in salsa clubs, at least!

[tj]

That's crappy if he was doing that on purpose. Do you think it was a tactic to get you back into class?

We have (err... had, at least. I haven't danced there in a year!) a general rule in Denver with rueda where the caller is supposed to let everyone know the skill level of that particular rueda before starting.

I'm certain he wasn't doing that to get me back into class. I don't think he would care either way. He was a bit of a show off. My wife commented later how in Ballroom dances he would be looking at the 'audience' more than he would his partner; as though he was seeing if they were watching. I'd never noticed this but I was not really looking. Our instructors always taught us to be mindful of everyones experience and to dance to the least experienced persons level. I totally agree as the circle flows more smoothly and looks much better with everyone involved rather than having half dancing and the other half doing 'guapea' until something they know is called.

Typical, unfortunately.

Are there ruedas with friendlier callers? Another solution would be for you to learn to call.

[johnnywalker]

That's crappy if he was doing that on purpose. Do you think it was a tactic to get you back into class?

We have (err... had, at least. I haven't danced there in a year!) a general rule in Denver with rueda where the caller is supposed to let everyone know the skill level of that particular rueda before starting.

I'm certain he wasn't doing that to get me back into class. I don't think he would care either way. He was a bit of a show off. My wife commented later how in Ballroom dances he would be looking at the 'audience' more than he would his partner; as though he was seeing if they were watching. I'd never noticed this but I was not really looking. Our instructors always taught us to be mindful of everyones experience and to dance to the least experienced persons level. I totally agree as the circle flows more smoothly and looks much better with everyone involved rather than having half dancing and the other half doing 'guapea' until something they know is called.

Typical, unfortunately.

Are there ruedas with friendlier callers? Another solution would be for you to learn to call.

Yes, I must learn to call I think. I know the calls and can even pronounce them well :D but have not yet tried; maybe it's a fear of having the circle doing 15 guapeas in a row or just going to dile que no and back again.
I haven't done Rueda outside of class for some time now but will definately look for a different circle.

[Dame Swing Kitty]

It's interesting...I've noticed this same type of behavior among females in my Lindy group. There is one female in particular who has been dancing since she was about four, and is the most incredible dancer I've ever seen (in person, anyways). Her every movement is beautiful, even just walking across a room.

The problem is, she knows it.

Every now and again, she'll stake a claim on a guy in our group, and will 'own' him for the entire night. The thing is, in our group (as in most) we have more follows than leads, so we all share the leads. Not this gal. And of course, because she IS such an amazing dancer, each of the guys gets stars in his eyes when he is the 'chosen one' for the night, and will dance with nobody but her. If you dare to ask 'her' guy that night, she gets vicious, and will drag him off while you're in mid-sentence.

My dance experience with this group has been amazing, and this girl (because that's what she is) is the only fly in my ointment. And there's not a thing I or any of the other follows can do about it, because the leads are willing accomplices...

She seems to need the spotlight.

[tj]

And there's not a thing I or any of the other follows can do about it, because the leads are willing accomplices...


We guys are such predictable animals, huh?

(What happens to the guy after he becomes one of the castoffs?)

[borikensalsero]

he he... he is just looking for an ego boost.

I know someone that only dances with girls right after someone who is "less" skilled than him finishes. He is honest about it though. He says that he isn't good enough to take the girls for a ride, or even dare to dance with a girl after someone has shown her some hardcore dancing. So to not bore her, or make himself feel worse, he is left to dance only when someone "less" skilled than he is done.

So, he really isn't looking to boost his ego, but rather not to make it feel worse. It is a shame though, besides being on hyper dance mode he isn't a bad dancer, but he thinks that salsa is the size of his repertoire so, he does exactly what the guy you describe does, except that he doesn't do the sneers.

But your guy, he just wants you to try some of those kung pao moves of yours on him. :D

[JohnK]

The whole territorial thing is no stranger to either gender. ScorpionGuy's nemesis is the source of his own defeat, though, once he "follow dances" with two or three of SG's prior partners, there is no way he can "cover" all of his imaginary harem from dancing yet again with ScorpionGuy (which seems to be his goal). He can't reasonably object, first of all it's the ladies' choice, and if she accepts the dance, end of story. Besides, you've ensured he hasn't dedicated himself to one partner anyway :twisted: .

His game, *your* rules...

[danceguy]

Kung Pao moves...you ain't seen nothing until you've seen my Mongolian Szechuan Super Mega Hyper Ninja Knockout Punch! :lol: :uplaugh: :D

Honestly Boriken, I'd rather shake his hand and buy him a cold drink...I mean he's a handsome guy and a skilled dancer...I still don't get how he sees me as a threat to his dance partners. But I won't go out of my way to try and be friends with someone who is so rude to me...:shock:

Even so, he's a good teacher for learning how to practice compassion...:roll: *sigh*

SG

[delamusica]

Even so, he's a good teacher for learning how to practice compassion...:roll: *sigh*

SG

That's a very impressive comment, SG. :notworth:

[Dame Swing Kitty]

What happens to the guy after he becomes one of the castoffs?

He returns to previous dancing behavior until he is 'chosen' again. The bottom line is she is the only follow that dances every single song, while the rest of us take turns so that everyone gets to dance.

However, I've recently learned to lead, mainly so that I can dance every single dance. And the funniest side effect of it? I'm one of the most popular leads in our group, to the point that some of the follows will turn down a male lead to dance with me. Hehehehe!

I don't know how that is revenge, but it sure feels sweet...

[Sarah]

The whole territorial thing is no stranger to either gender. ScorpionGuy's nemesis is the source of his own defeat, though, once he "follow dances" with two or three of SG's prior partners, there is no way he can "cover" all of his imaginary harem from dancing yet again with ScorpionGuy (which seems to be his goal). He can't reasonably object, first of all it's the ladies' choice, and if she accepts the dance, end of story. Besides, you've ensured he hasn't dedicated himself to one partner anyway :twisted: .

His game, *your* rules...

Hmmm .......
Games SG could play: :twisted:
Turn the tables. Dance with this guy's parners immediately after he's left them.
For one night, pick the most horriblest etiquette-and-hygene-and-following challenged partners to dance with.
Dance exclusively with other men. This might require some accomplices.
Point out to your more intellegent female friends what he is doing - you will amuse them greatly when they observe the phenomenon themselves and women are not generally impressed with being used for this sort of macho posturing.

Or you could go with plan A) and practice compassion....

Cheers
Sarah <planning revenge is so much more satisfying than executing it>

[tj]

I don't know how that is revenge, but it sure feels sweet...

Hey, as long as it keeps you dancing... :wink:

[MagicFeet]

Scorpionguy !!!

This has happened to me many times!!! not only by one ... but by two different guys (at different times) And beleive me ... it's not pleasant, so I know exactly how you feel. It took me a while to figure out how I was going to handle it ... and I think I came up with a great solution. Here's what I did ....

I spotted the pattern of girls that the first guy was always asking fater I had danced with them. (As a matter of fact, he used to wait at the edge of the dancefloor waiting for me to get off while I was escorting the lady.) So after a while, as I would see him spotting the girl that I was dancing with ... and 3/4 into the song ... I would tell the girl .... "I bet you that your next partner will be Richard!!!" (This is the little weisel's real name .. don't care to protect his identity :) I would then continue by saying "I am so sure that your next partner will be Richard ... that I am willing to bet a dance on it !!!" And of course I was right 95% of the time.

You do this to the 3 or 4 girls that he will ask after your dance and continue to do it for as many weeks as it takes. The girls will remember you telling them ... week after week ... and will start developping a "creepy" feeling about this guy!!! and they will tell you that ... so ... after 6 or 7 weeks ... you will see that they will ask you to dance the following dance so that they don't have to dance with the creepy guy!

Also during the previous weeks .... you have a win - win situation and a great opportunity to ask that girl for another dance ... If she danced with Richard ... you approach her by saying that you are here to collect on your bet .... if she didn't you come back and say that you are a man of your own words and that you are here to repay on your bet. The ladies think that you are a gentlemen ... they think the other guy is a little creepy ... guess who gets the dances ... and who stops showing up at the dances because he doesn't get to dance half as much.

Now as far as the second guy that did this to me also ... not only would he ask the girl to dance right away, but was known to keep her on the floor for 6,7 or 8 dances. The women were too polite to refuse. So after the same scenario ... 6 weeks of predicting the ladie's next partner, I decide to do the same to him .... I waited to see that he had one of the girls on the floor for 5 consecutive dances and I purposely walked on the floor, squeezed myself between the both of them, facing the lady and asked her if I could have this dance!!! She had a big smile and accepted !!! He wlaked off the floor ... got a clue and never did it to me again ... he is even very nice and polite with me ... saying "hi" whenever he gets a chance !!!

Give it a shot !!! I am sure it will work for you !!

MagicFeet

[salsachinita]

I like it......MagicFeet!

[salsachinita]

Every now and again, she'll stake a claim on a guy in our group, and will 'own' him for the entire night......... And there's not a thing I or any of the other follows can do about it, because the leads are willing accomplices.......

This is *almost* a perfect description someone I know.....! What do i do....? I do the same thing back :twisted: !

[salsachinita]

He says that he isn't good enough to take the girls for a ride, or even dare to dance with a girl after someone has shown her some hardcore dancing. So to not bore her, or make himself feel worse, he is left to dance only when someone "less" skilled than he is done.

:roll: Seperate issue altogether, but I wish guys would stop feeling this way :roll: !

I've got guys friends who are reluctant to dance with me, right after I've had a go with some of the flashier dancers :? .........(and these guys are nice, down-to-earth ones) I had to grab them & assure them that it is them I wanna share the next song with, just to dance, not to be technically challenged (not that there's anything wrong with that either, but one can't do that for the whole night :roll: )!

[squirrel]

It is quite difficult to understand why some people react in such a way... it's just dancing...
There's this chick here, she's a great dancer... a native talent... but she has a lousy personality... we don't even talk to each other... and she was my student! So, since I'm her former teacher (and so is my partner btw) we could talk badly about her... instead of that, what I do is tell all my current students how well she dances and that they should look at her and try and learn... why should I let personal problems interfere with dancing?!
Of course, that's not what she does... she talks badly about me every chance she gets... but... such is life... :)

[MacMoto]

However, I've recently learned to lead, mainly so that I can dance every single dance. And the funniest side effect of it? I'm one of the most popular leads in our group, to the point that some of the follows will turn down a male lead to dance with me. Hehehehe!

I don't know how that is revenge, but it sure feels sweet...
Keep it up, and maybe one night the lead-hogging girl may decide to choose you! Then you will have the pleasure of refusing to dance more than one song with her. Now that's what I call revenge. :twisted:

[KevinL]

...instead of that, what I do is tell all my current students how well she dances and that they should look at her and try and learn... why should I let personal problems interfere with dancing?!
Of course, that's not what she does... she talks badly about me every chance she gets... but... such is life... :)

But all those people who you tell to watch her will remember that when she then talks trash about you. Who will come out better in the eyes of the other people? Postive you, or negative her?

Kevin

[tj]

...instead of that, what I do is tell all my current students how well she dances and that they should look at her and try and learn... why should I let personal problems interfere with dancing?!
Of course, that's not what she does... she talks badly about me every chance she gets... but... such is life... :)

But all those people who you tell to watch her will remember that when she then talks trash about you. Who will come out better in the eyes of the other people? Postive you, or negative her?

Kevin

Plus, people who are like her, will end up only attracting people who have similar bad attitudes/outlooks on life, and who wants to be around people like that?

I think we all have known people who are outwardly beautiful & fantastic dancers, but have a horrible disposition or some sort of major personality flaw. Often, in my experience, those are the ones who complain the most about people being shallow. :roll:

Good for you for not falling into the same trap that she's in.

[squirrel]

:) I'm trying to be as normal as I can... at times it's hard though :cry:

Anyway, this is my normal policy... this is how I talk about people... and call somebody bad names isn't the best attitude one might have...